WHODUNNIT?
Part 2
In the offices of Titan Tower, Monsieur Hercule Poirot had gathered together the suspects of the case. And a rather strange case it had been. Some ten months earlier, before he was due to take part in a wrestling match, Stone Cold Steve Austin had been run down by a mysterious assailant. But who was the assailant? Austin demanded to know who the man was who had tried to end his career, and that is what had brought the legendary Hercule Poirot into the case. Now, with the suspects gathered before him in the plush office of Linda McMahon, the great Belgian detective laid out his case.
"It is not often that I investigate a case that does not involve a murder of some kind.", he began. "But this case is rather intriguing. Indeed, mes amis, the world of sports entertainment is often more interesting than the most well written fictional crime novel!"
'THE ROCK SAYS IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW INTERESTING YOU FIND THIS CASE!"
"But on the contrary!", said Poirot, walking over to the man who had made the outburst. "It is very interesting. The egos of the participants in this sport make it so! Take this case, for instance. Monsieur Austin, due to participate in a wrestling contest, is run over by a mystery assailant, and put, how you Americans say, on the shelf, for nearly a year!" "Will you get to the damn point!"
"The point will be reached soon, Monsieur Helmsley. Let us look at the facts! With Austin injured, he was unable to participate in the contest, thus robbing him of the chance to become WWF champion again. But while we know that you, Monsieur Helmsley, along with your other degenerate friends, are co-conspirators in this case, you are not ultimately responsible for the attack itself! So who would benefit from Austin's injuries?"
Poirot walked over to the rather large gentleman sitting in the corner. "You, Monsieur Show, had the most to gain on the evening in question. You replaced Austin in the contest, and emerged victorious, becoming WWF champion in the process!"
Standing up, the Big Show towered above Poirot, looking down on the Belgian, trying to intimidate him. "But your advantage was merely fleeting. Your current situation makes this obvious!"
The Big Show snorted, before seating himself again.
"But how about you, Monsieur Rock? The gentleman who always talks about himself in a slightly amusing but ultimately annoying way? It is no secret that you and Austin have had your differences in the past. He has beaten you on a number of occasions. You would also benefit from his absence."
'THE ROCK SAYS YOU'RE TALKING LIKE A MONKEY WITH HIS HEAD STUCK UP HIS OWN ASS!'
"How amusing! But there are others who would also benefit. You, Monsieur Angle. At the time of the incident, you were, how they say, the new boy in the neighbourhood. What a way of introducing yourself by attacking and seriously injuring the most well known wrestler in the company?"
"I had nothing to do with the attack! It's true! It's true!"
"Then there is you, Monsieur Jericho! At the time, you had not been with the company that long. Like Monsieur Angle, you could make a name for yourself by eliminating Monsieur Austin!"
"Mon-sewer Parrot! As far as all of my Jerichoholics are concerned, you can take your theory, and stick it where the sun don't shine!"
"Madame Chyna perhaps? Wanting to help her former love by eliminating his toughest opponent? Or perhaps it is someone who was not known in the company at the time. Monsieur Benoit? Monsieur Regal? Or perhaps Monsieur Raven?"
"Yeah? So? What about me? What about Raven?"
"Hmm. Perhaps I am looking in the wrong place. Perhaps I should look at the top of the tree, so to speak! At Monsieur McMahon himself!"
"Are you crazy? Why would I want to eliminate Austin?"
"Because, Monsieur McMahon, you altercations with Monsieur Austin are known the world over! Many times have you tried to eliminate him from your company! Many times you have tried to physically maim and injure him!"
'THE ROCK SAYS THIS IS GETTING NOWHERE! HURRY UP, JABRONI, OR I'LL LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS!"
"Hmm, quite. But perhaps Monsieur Rock has a point! I will not be able to find my answers here. There is only one place I will be able to discover who committed this foul crime! At Unforgiven itself!"