Fred Astaire and Ginger Chicken - Season 6 Episode 20 (part 2)

"Karen! Watch your foot!" Jack exclaimed from across the tub. "You almost kicked my particulars!"

Karen rolled her eyes. "Your particulars? What is this, 1942?"

They were in her large tub with bubbles up to their chests, Jack on one side and Karen on the other. Her hair was pinned up, without her hair piece, a martini in one hand and the remote for the stereo in the other. Jack had both arms out of the water, resting on the edges of the tub with a soothing ice mask on his eyes.

"Just be careful," he said exasperated. "I have have a date tonight and I don't want Little Jack and the Boys to be shy about seeing him because some lush beat them up."

"Sorry, honey," Karen sighed. "I just can't get comfortable." She emphasized her point by swishing around, trying to relieve the lower back pain she'd been experiencing lately. "Since Finny and I got engaged we've been doing so much more stuff that Stan and I never got to do and my back is killing me from it. You know he actually made me walk to the limo the other day?" Jack looked at her and shook his head in disbelief. "I mean seriously! Who does he think I am?"

"The nerve of some people," Jack scoffed. He watched her frown and try moving around the tub again when an idea struck him. "Hey! Want me to give you a back rub?" he asked excitedly. "You loved when I gave you massages all those years ago."

Karen grinned, her eyebrows raised. "Sure, honey!" She set the martini glass on the edge of the tub and scooted herself over to him, turning around so he'd have easy access to her back. Jack leaned forward and started gently massaging her shoulders, remembering the way she liked it. Karen sighed in relief and lolled her head forward as he worked her muscles. His hands moved down the middle almost teasingly and then disappeared under the water. "Lower, honey," she instructed him. "My lower back is-" He reached the perfect spot and Karen's eyes almost rolled back into her head at his touch. "Ohhhh my God," she moaned loudly.

Jack grinned and continued to massage the stiff area, quite satisfied with himself that he was relieving her of pain. Karen flung her arms out and gripped onto the tub, throwing her head back, her moans growing louder by the minute. Jack giggled and was about to say something when the door to the bathroom flung open.

"Karen!"

"Lyle!"

"Jack!"

"Finster!"

They all stared at each other in surprise, each not knowing what to say. Finally Lyle spoke out, his face red with anger. "What the bloody hell is going on in here?!" he exclaimed.

"I'm taking a bath," Karen explained with a frown.

"With another man?!"

"No, with Jack."

"Hey!" Jack protested, crossing his arms over his chest. A pout settled on his lips and he glared between Karen and Lyle.

"Karen, you get out of that tub this instant!" Lyle demanded, his finger pointing to the spot next him.

Karen felt her own anger rise within her. "You can't tell me what to do!" she screeched at him.

"I cannot believe what I am seeing, I cannot believe what I am hearing!" Lyle shouted. "This is an outrage!" He stormed from the room and Karen rolled her eyes.

"Can you believe him?!" she asked Jack, turning her head to look at him over her shoulder.

"I know, right?" Jack sighed. "He didn't even compliment me on my mask." He took the ice mask off his face and tossed it aside while Karen stood from the tub.

"No, Jackie," she admonished him. "He thinks he can go around telling me what I can and cannot do!"

Jack tried not to stare as Karen reached for a towel, her perfect behind presented to him. He shook his head and stood up also, accepting the towel she offered. "Well, Kare," he began, wrapping the towel around his chest. "He did walk in on you with another man."

"In a completely platonic fashion!"

"Is it?" he asked, watching as she too wrapped the towel around her chest, covering her perky bosoms. "I mean, we were in a tub, naked, I was rubbing your back, you were basically screaming in pleasure... It all adds up."

Karen scoffed and stomped her foot. "It's ridiculous! You're my best friend!"

Jack softened and smiled, touching her arm gently. "Aww, Kare," he addressed her quietly. "That's so sweet." He looked to the door and frowned. "Maybe you should go talk to him, though. He seemed pretty upset."

"Maybe you're right." She scrunched up her face in annoyance. "I'll be back, honey."

She left the room and headed for her master bedroom while Jack rummaged through her cabinets for a facial mask. Finding one, he opened the jar and began applying the gel to his face, humming a tune under his breath. He paused when shouts erupted from the room next him, Karen's bedroom.

"You're being so stupid!" He heard Karen shout. "He's my best friend!"

"I don't like the way he touches you!" Lyle screamed back. "You're my fiance and I don't want you flouncing around with other men!"

"It's not flouncing, that's just the way he walks!"

Jack pouted and sat on the chaise closer to the door, desperate to hear more.

"And since when do you get to tell me what to do and who I can or cannot hang out with? Jack is the most important person in my life, you giant English moose!" Karen exclaimed. "I hung around him when I was with Stan!"

"I'm not Stan!" Lyle said to her. "I don't give a damn what your ex-husband let you do! You're mine now and you'll do as I bloody well say, woman!"

A slap sounded and Jack gasped dramatically, a hand pressed against his chest. A door slammed and seconds later, Karen appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, her face pink and her eyes clouded with animosity.

"Kare," he breathed, rushing to her side. "Are you okay?"

"Ugh, he pisses me the fuck off!" Karen shrieked. "I don't care what he thinks, I'm not sacrificing my happiness and best friend to be with that asshole!"

Jack, once again, touched, placed an arm around Karen, pressing himself into her side. "You really mean that, Karebear?" he asked tentatively.

Karen's features relaxed and she looked up at him with adoration. "I told you I love you, Jackie," she said. "I don't want another person to come between us."

Jack kissed her cheek and Karen wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tight. "Wait, Kare," Jack said, realization dawning on him. "We don't want to be Will and Grace!"

Karen let out a short laugh. "Jackie, we could never be that pathetic!"

"Then go get Lyle!" he pushed her off him and pointed to the door. "I love you, Karen, but we cannot end up like Will and Grace. You need to get your man back." He looked between them both and then at the tub. "Maybe we should cool it for a while. Let the fondle fall down on the wayside until after you guys get hitched."

"Are you sure, Poodle?" Karen asked, a pout forming on her lips. "I don't want you to feel left out again."

Jack smiled wholeheartedly at her and leaned down to press his forehead against hers. "I won't, I promise."

Karen jumped up and down and clapped. "Well, let me go catch my man! I hope he'll forgive me." She grabbed Jack's hand between hers and squeezed. "Oh, thank you, Jackie," she beamed up at him. "I'll never forget this."

Jack smiled back, a little forced if he really analyzed himself. "No problem, Kare."

She gave him a quick peck before dashing out of the bathroom and off to chase her fiance to win him back.

Jack glanced around the room and repeated all that went on in the past 15 minutes through his head. He kept settling back on the feeling that Lyle was too possessive, but wanting nothing more than for his friend to be happy, he brushed the thought aside and went to wash the mask off his face.

Listen guys, I'm gonna be really honest with you ... I'm super drunk. I wrote this all while drunk so I apologize wholly if not of it makes sense. Okay byeeeee