Day 2,209

"And we have officially reached crazy. I don't even have a radio anymore, Bellamy. I am talking to myself. Alone. No one to hear me. Mark the day, 2,209: Clarke Griffin finally lost it."

Clarke smiled lightly, no real joy in the expression. She was seated on the floor of some cell in the bunker, back against the wall, her legs pulled up in front of her. It smelled of something indistinguishable, and Clarke was pretty sure she could see bloody scratches on the door. She didn't even want to think about what could have happened to the people who had stayed in this cell before her. It felt like something out of a horror film her dad would show her on the Ark, long after her mom went to bed.

Letting her head hit the wall behind her, while her eyes traced the corners of the room, Clarke continued.

"I can't believe I'm going to have to tell you not to feel guilty again. But I will; Bellamy, this is in no way your fault. Hey, at least it should be easier for you this time. I was already dead once. This week getting to see each other again was just like… I don't know. Like a scar. something to remind you of the past, but its healed. It was a fluke – and now you and Echo and Spacekru can get back to your regularly schedule lives. With Madi. God, I can't even think about that right now."

Clarke shook her head, tears too close to the surface for comfort, the thought of Madi losing yet another parent too much to fathom. So Clarke did what she does best – she compartmentalized, and shoved the pain and the tragedy of Madi to the side.

"I don't want to have to say goodbye to you again, Bellamy. Granted, I won't have too long to really feel the loss. I'm happy you'll have people Bellamy. Don't put up walls, Bellamy, let them be there for you, if you need it. I honestly don't really know what you'll need, I don't know where I stand in terms of you. Maybe it won't feel like anything, just another reminder of someone you finished mourning years ago."

Clarke wringed her hands, needing something to do with them. The emptiness she felt without her radio resonated throughout her being. The loneliness she had felt for the past six years took on a new severity as she sat alone, hours before her death.

"I really wish I had a chance to see Raven again."

She could stop her voice from breaking, nor the stray tears from falling.

"I don't think I ever told her how much she really meant to me. She saw through all of the bullshit and drama and was just there for me. I told her once, after everything with Finn went down, I told her that I would choose her first. No offense Bellamy, but I still mean it. If I had to have one person in my corner, it would be Raven Reyes. You'd be a close second, but its Raven, every time. I don't think I realized it before Praimfaya, but she was my best friend. And I wish I had a chance to tell her that.

"Raven will be okay. She is the strongest person I know. No offense again, Bellamy.

"I wonder if we could have ever gotten to a place where I could've called you Bell. Not that I don't like Bellamy, but, it's a mouthful, you know? And if I could have called you Bell, I don't know, it could have felt like I earned it. Like I earned a place in your life. That I had a place in your life.

"Too late now."

Clarke rubbed her eyes with her hand, exhausted. Part of her just wanted to sleep, not feel any pain, not be plagued by any thoughts. But the fighter in her refused to spend her last hours of life unconscious. She was an overthinker by nature, and she'd be damned if she spent the moments before her death not being herself.

"Don't give up on Octavia. I know… I know everything I have said is pretty contrary to that, but I mean it. After the war is over, when there is peace, or some semblance of it, she might be different. She might chase butterflies again, Bellamy. But she'll need you to help her get there. And I'm not saying forgive her, or forget what she has done, but she's your sister Bellamy. That being said, she may be your sister, but she is not your responsibility. I know you believe that she is, you believe it in your bones and in your soul, but I promise you, her actions are her own."

Bracingly, Clarke looked outside her cell once more, making sure no one had wandered too close. She breathed deeply.

"I think I'm a little bit in love with you, Bell. Well, that's not entirely true. I know I am. Six years, it puts a lot of things in perspective. And it's okay that you don't feel the same. It's good, even. It makes it a lot easier for you, and you deserve easy – you have so little of it in your life. I am so happy I got to see you again. And, as much as I hate whats about to happen, and I hate leaving Madi, I know you'll take care her now. Without me there, I know you'll step up. She wouldn't have anyone else take care of her. I just…. I think I just needed to say it out loud, just once. For me. I needed it to be real and audible, because it is one of the most real things in my life."

Silent tears falling, it felt like a weight had lifted, Clarke scanned her cell again, the corners of her mouth lifting slight as her eyes landed on something they had glossed over before.

"I just spotted some charcoal in my cell. I think I might do a little sketching, before I go. Thank you, Bellamy Blake. Thank you for being so damn easy to love."