Warnings: discussion of rape/non-con in this chapter.

Now:

Fili and Kili apologized to her the next morning for teasing her. Bilbo had slept very little before or after her nightmare and discussion with Thorin and it showed, so she wasn't surprised the boys had noticed and felt guilty. Her eyes were weary and the lack of sleep seemed to have weighed her body down. She couldn't stop yawning either.

"It's alright," she assured them, fighting back another yawn. "I always have nightmares when I hear wolves. Or, well, wargs."

They looked curious about this, of course, but thankfully didn't press for an explanation. Although she did not regret sharing her story with Thorin, she was not eager to do so again. Not so soon, at least.

Still, Fili and Kili had become very dear to her and Bilbo did not wish for them to feel bad. So she simply told them the sound brought up bad memories and that she would have slept poorly with or without their teasing.

.

Three days later, Bilbo no longer cared if Fili or Kili harbored any feelings of guilt. In fact, she rather hoped they did since they had very nearly gotten the entire Company eaten. And she was beginning to doubt that Kili was half as clever as she had come to suspect.

Said Dwarf smiled sheepishly up at her. Beside him, Fili was having a hard time meeting her eyes and every line of his body seemed to scream remorse. Good.

"Burgle the ponies back, they said," Bilbo muttered to herself, turning her attention back to her ruined waistcoat. Ugh. Troll snot. "Let's not bother the others, they said. Stupid Dwarves. Stupid, stupid Dwarves."

"That's rather hurtful, Bilbo."

The Hobbit looked up to find Bofur approaching her with a grin. He made shooing motions at Fili and Kili; they made faces, but slunk away anyway.

"Not all Dwarves are idiots. Just Fili and Kili."

Bilbo couldn't resist the urge to roll her eyes. She opened her mouth to retort, and then paused. Bombur was striding toward them, two bowls in hand. Bilbo snatched one up in the blink of an eye. Thanks to the troll incident, she hadn't eaten anything substantial since the previous morning. She was absolutely starving.

She scarfed down the cold stew, resolutely ignoring the raised eyebrows of the surrounding Dwarves. Gandalf, ever helpful, sagely imparted wisdom on those gathered: "Never stand between a Hobbit and their meal."

.

Bilbo found herself regretting the stew a while later when she found herself hovering over a bush, trying her best to keep it from coming back up and not succeeding. Her stomach had been weak lately and eating so quickly hadn't helped.

The loud and clumsy sound of boots stomping through the underbrush alerted Bilbo to an approaching Dwarf. "Are you alright?"

The Hobbit turned around, forcing a smile for Bombur. "I'm fine," she assured him. "I think I just ate too fast."

Bombur ushered her back to where the Dwarves were gathering up the ponies and preparing to continue on the journey east. "I think I still have some bread," he said as he began to rummage through his pack. "It might help settle your stomach."

The Dwarf gave her a sincere grin when Bilbo tried to refuse. He handed over the bread as soon as he found it and hurried away with a smile before she could try to give it back. A few of the Dwarves glanced at the Hobbit as Bombur walked away, and Bilbo nearly flinched at Thorin's fierce frown before she realized he looked more concerned than angry. Perhaps she had been falsely attributing his demeanor to anger and displeasure. Could concern be the force behind his frowns and foul moods instead?

As she began to walk across the clearing toward Myrtle, Bilbo was unsure if her stomach would accept any more food, but took a cautious nibble of the bread anyway. She didn't feel any more ill than normal, so she took another bite and then stowed the rest in her pocket for later.

"We will reach Rivendell in a few days, if we're lucky," Gandalf was saying to Thorin as they all mounted their ponies. "We need to restock our provisions, for one thing, and rest in reasonable safety will do you good."

Bilbo let out a quiet sigh of relief. It certainly would do them good to rest for a few days away from the dangers of the wilderness and closer to the comforts of home. There was little Bilbo wanted more at that moment than a warm bath, a soft bed, and a good meal.

As they moved forward, Gandalf came to ride beside Bilbo. He inquired after her well-being, and was rightly skeptical of her assurance that she was just fine. He didn't press the issue, though, and simply pulled out a blade that looked very much like a dagger in his large hands.

"We found these in the troll hoard," he explained at Bilbo's look of bewilderment. He pressed it into her hands. "This one seemed to be just the right size for a Hobbit and may prove useful in the coming weeks. It's of Elvish make; a finer blade you could not find even in the forges of Dwarves. It will glow blue when orcs or goblins are near."

As the wizard rode away, Bilbo noticed a similar blade strapped to his side and later she would find Thorin examining and sharpening another. Bilbo was quite sure the little blade (a sword in her hands) would prove much more useful in the hands of one of the other Dwarves but Gandalf had not given her a chance to say so. The Hobbit made a note to herself that she would need to ask Fili and Kili to show her how to wield it.

It would be a few more days of travel before they reached Rivendell, and those days found the Company more subdued than Bilbo had ever seen them. The dangers of their journey had become more apparent and more real to both the Dwarves and Bilbo. There was less singing and storytelling, so Bilbo made a point to travel near Bofur or Kili, the most cheerful of the Dwarves, in an effort to keep her melancholy at bay.

.

Their arrival in Rivendell came as a much needed reprieve for Bilbo, who was not used to going so long without a decent bath and a proper meal. Soon after they were greeted by Lord Elrond, an Elf maiden approached Bilbo to offer her separate quarters and a private bath. Bilbo accepted with much enthusiasm but immediately found herself faced with Thorin's fierce glare.

"No member of the Company is to wander off alone here," he growled, eying the Elf distrustfully.

How rude! thought Bilbo, frowning in disapproval and suddenly feeling quite furious. The Elves had, with no hesitation, offered to quarter and feed them until the Company was ready to move on and here was their leader clearly saying he didn't trust the Elves or appreciate their offer!

"Thorin Oakenshield," Bilbo ground out furiously before she could stop herself. Thorin's eyes widened in surprise. "This rudeness is unbecoming for someone of your status. If you are quite done making relations between Elves and Dwarves worse, I will take my leave. I, for one, am grateful for the Elves' generosity and will, at the very least, be taking a well-deserved bath and if you try to stop me-"

Bilbo took a deep breath, trying to come up with an appropriate threat and then, to her utter surprise, she burst into tears.

There was a flurry of shouting in the Dwarves' language and then suddenly Fili was at her side, drawing her cautiously into a hug.

"Shh, Bilbo, it's alright," he said, patting her hesitantly on the back in what she assumed was supposed to be a comforting manner. "Thorin is just concerned for your safety, that's all. And we're all a little worried that you might fall in love with all things Elvish and forget about us. What if you wandered off on your own and found the library?"

That pulled a laugh from Bilbo.

"That bath is certainly well-deserved," Fili continued, looking more confident. "Why don't you go enjoy that and we'll worry about sleeping arrangements later."

Bilbo looked up and gave the Dwarves a watery smile. Most of them were staring at her like they'd never seen her before. She couldn't blame them. She was hardly the kind of Hobbit to suddenly begin crying and she didn't think she had ever spoken so harshly to anyone before. It had surprised her about as much as it had surprised them, she figured.

"You're right, Fili. I'm so sorry, I'm not sure why I'm so emotional right now." To Thorin, she said, "I apologize for speaking out of place and behaving so rudely."

Thorin had regained his composure and his usual frown. He gave her a terse nod, then turned away to request their Elvish escort show them where they would be staying.

"Uncle knows you're right," said Kili, appearing suddenly at her side and making her jump, "he just won't say so in front of the Elves. And he's terrible at apologies."

This time, when the Elf maiden tried to lead her away, no one stopped them.

"Thank you," Bilbo said in Sindarin as the Elf led her through the open corridors and courtyards. It had been a while since she had spoken Sindarin and never before to a native speaker. She hoped her accent wasn't overly terrible.

"It is my pleasure," the Elf said with a smile.

"I'm Bilbo. Bilbo Baggins of the Shire."

"Welcome, Bilbo Baggins. My name is Amarië. Here, I will draw you a bath and fetch some clothing for you while you wait."

Bilbo grinned at the sight of the large tub and wondered if the Dwarves were right in worrying that she would never want to leave.

.

Their time in Rivendell, as they waited for the moon runes to be read, was a wonderful break from their travels. But while Bilbo would have been content to spend this time lazing about the gardens, exploring the halls, and losing herself in the many books of the library, it seemed that the Dwarves were unaccustomed to being still. They spent their days sparring and their nights singing loudly and dancing on the tables. Bilbo, much to her dismay, was often dragged off to join the Dwarves.

Fili and Kili were determined to step up Bilbo's training since more time and energy could be devoted to it. They enthusiastically taught her the basics with her new Elvish sword, although Bilbo was less than confident that she would remember any of their teachings if it came to an actual battle.

"Just remember that the pointy end goes into the bad guys and you'll be fine," Fili had told her with a laugh. Bilbo had scoffed and grumbled that he was still expecting too much of her.

The two Dwarves also continued her training in hand to hand combat and knife work. They assured her that she was making good progress, although she didn't truly believe them until their third week in Rivendell when Nori startled her. She had a knife to his throat before she even realized what she was doing and it was only his quick reflexes (and extensive experience with having knives pulled on him, he later informed her with a laugh) that kept him from getting nicked by the blade. He had brushed aside her profuse apologies with an approving look and informed her that he wouldn't underestimate her again.

Fili and Kili had looked shocked and impressed when Bilbo guiltily mentioned the incident to them. They proudly began referring to her as their protege, and loudly informed every Dwarf that would listen of their protege's achievement. Bilbo rolled her eyes every time, knowing that she had only caught Nori by surprise and would not manage to do so ever again.

She was still quite shocked she had managed it once.

.

When Bilbo managed to escape the Dwarves for a few hours, she typically took to visiting the library or wandering around the gardens. At first she had also wandered the halls, exploring the less-frequented areas of Rivendell. But then she stumbled across an amorous couple holding hands and murmuring lovingly to each other in one of the unused halls.

She stuck to the central, more trafficked parts of Rivendell after that. This was partially out of guilt over disrupting the Elves who had clearly gone looking for privacy, but also because she could think of nothing but her fiance (no, her ex-fiance) in the following days.

In some moments, Bilbo missed their relationship quite desperately. And yet as time and distance grew between her and her life in the Shire, she found herself feeling more and more relieved to be free of it.

Freddie had always been so attentive to her. At first, it had been endearing and even comforting to know someone cared so much for her but it had later grown almost stifling. He had always been concerned about where she was and who she was with and what she was doing, even what she wore! He'd grown more and more opinionated about these things, expressing disapproval at every turn and making her feel like she never did anything right.

He had always brought her small gifts when she was sad or upset and there were times when he would shower her with affection and romantic gestures. But perhaps, Bilbo was slowly beginning to wonder, she'd been upset in the first place because of something he had done or the way he treated her.

No one had ever loved her quite the way he had. And sometimes she wondered if that was a good thing.

.

A week into their stay at Rivendell, Bilbo was introduced to Elrond's daughter, Arwen. Their friendship developed quickly and effortlessly, much to Bilbo's surprise. She hadn't had many friends in the Shire besides Fredegar and her friendships with most of the Dwarves had been far from instant.

Bilbo's meandering strolls through the gardens now meant Arwen at her side as they discussed everything from books to food to the world outside their homes. Arwen often joined her in the library as well, where the two read in companionable silence.

As they sat at the edge of a fountain one evening, listening to the quiet gurgle and bubble of the water, Bilbo tried to summon up the courage to seek Arwen's opinion. She wished desperately to speak with someone about what had happened and Arwen was the only she thought she might be comfortable speaking to.

Time dragged on as Bilbo tried to force the words from her throat. Finally, "Can I… can I ask you a question?"

Arwen inclined her head. "You may ask me anything."

Bilbo rubbed her sweating palms across her lap, immediately regretting it when she saw the dark streaks she left behind on the pretty, borrowed dress. She took a deep breath and- "No, I… Forget I said anything."

By the Valar, she was such a coward. It was just a simple question!

Arwen looked to her in concern, then began to speak carefully. "I will not push you into speaking with me. But the Dwarves are worried for you, as am I. We can see that something is plaguing you."

The Elf reached out and gently touched Bilbo's fidgeting hands. She ducked down so she could look Bilbo in the eyes. "We would help in any way we can."

Bilbo looked away, trying to hide from the concern and kindness in Arwen's eyes. Some days she felt like she didn't deserve either.

"I… had a fiance. Before I left the Shire."

She thought of Fredegar and wondered what he would say if he were with her now. Probably something about how selfish she was being, laying all of her problems on someone else. He would probably berate her for thinking so poorly of him and ask if his love really meant nothing at all to her.

He wasn't there to say these things, but guilt surged through Bilbo all the same. It made her cringe and was nearly enough to keep her silent. But this question had been bearing down on her every day for two months now, and some days she felt as though she would scream if she couldn't find an answer.

"He walked me home from a party… We both had been drinking. Too much, probably. Neither of us were thinking clearly. And he…"

Bilbo was quiet for a long time as she focused on keeping her breathing calm. How should she put this?

"I'd wanted our first time to be on our wedding night. I thought he was of the same mind. After all, it was traditional and proper, and he was nothing if not proper. But that night…"

"Bilbo?" Arwen prompted after she had fallen silent again.

"He didn't… didn't hear me when I asked him to stop. When I told him I didn't want to be intimate yet."

Bilbo had been running her hands up and down her arms in a parody of comforting touch and she realized suddenly, when Arwen reached out to still her hands, that she had begun to use her nails. Her arms were streaked with shallow scratches.

"But he didn't do anything wrong, right?" She could hear the strange note of desperation in her voice, as though she was begging Arwen to give her the answer she was looking for. "I was just overreacting?"

"No."

The fierceness in Arwen's voice startled Bilbo into looking up and she nearly flinched back at the fury in her friend's eyes. It was startling to see such emotion pouring from her when Elves were so consistently calm and collected.

"No," Arwen repeated firmly. "He never should have touched you in any way you didn't want and he had no right to force you to be intimate with him, not as your fiance and not even if he'd been your husband."

"But he-"

"Bilbo," Arwen interrupted, her eyes and voice softening. "Perhaps you do not believe me now, but I will say it again and again until you do. What he did was wrong."

Arwen reached over and clasped Bilbo's hand, holding it tightly. "I am sorry this happened to you, Bilbo. No one should ever have to experience such things."

Bilbo pulled in a shuddering breath and blinked back tears, unsure if she should feel quite so empty and numb. She sat there for a long time in the comfort of Arwen's presence, the words bouncing around in her head. What he did was wrong…

.

When Bilbo returned to the Company later that evening, her jumbled thoughts kept her quiet. Bifur was the first to notice. He reached out to her with concern on his face and some sort of question in the gestures of his hands.

Bilbo flinched back, startled, and immediately felt awful as his frown deepened. She quickly apologized and tried to act as though she wasn't shaken to her very core. It was harder than she thought. She tried to plaster a smile on her face but it felt wrong, like the expression was cracked and on the verge of shattering. Knowing she wouldn't be able to keep up the facade for long, Bilbo retired to bed as soon as she could. She hoped she was only imagining the whispers that sprung up at her retreat.

.

The following morning, it became quite apparent that the Dwarves believed the Elves had done something to harm or frighten Bilbo. They were suddenly much worse guests (something Bilbo hadn't thought possible) and they would not allow her out of their sight. They were destroying furniture, insulting the Elves and everything they did with reckless abandon, and constantly shooting murderous glares at any Elf who dared come close (though they were few and far between).

Bilbo only became more distressed at this. She was profoundly touched by the sentiment behind the Dwarves' actions, but the Elves had done nothing to deserve this sort of treatment. And Bilbo would hate herself if she was the reason for worsening relations between the two races.

"No, no, no. Okay, this has to stop!" Bilbo groaned finally as the dinner hour drew near and the Dwarves' behavior only worsened. She ran her hands over her face in exasperation. "At this rate, you lot are going to get us kicked out of Rivendell before we even know what the map says!"

The Dwarves finally quieted down, passing glances between them as though searching for which of them might know what to say.

"No," said Bilbo firmly before any of them might try to speak. "I know what you're thinking, but you've got it all wrong. The Elves have done nothing to upset me. I simply… overreacted again."

This did nothing to appease the Dwarves. A few of them shook their heads, looking more outraged on her behalf than ever.

Bilbo huffed and stomped a foot to regain their attention. "The Elves are not at fault. I swear it!"

She could see that this was not enough for them. They would not believe her unless she gave them a more concrete explanation. As much as she wished not to, she would have to divulge the truth.

"Look," she said after a long moment spent trying to find her courage, "I asked Lord Elrond's daughter if she thought I should have remained in the Shire… if I should have stayed with my fiance… She said… She said I was right to leave him?" Bilbo hated the uncertainty in her voice, the way that it manipulated her statement into a question. How it made it sound like she was begging for someone to contradict her or reassure her. "But I… I'm still not sure."

The words hung in the air, sour, as the Dwarves waited uncertainly.

Bilbo stared steadily down at her toes. It had been hard enough to speak of this to Arwen. To try and speak of it again… it felt as though she were ripping both her heart and mind into pieces. "Please don't ask me to say more."

One of the Dwarves stepped forward, which made Bilbo look up, wary. But it was only Thorin, frowning as he so often did. Yet in the days since Bilbo had confided in him about the Fell Winter, she had begun to recognize the kindness in his eyes.

"You need not confide in us if you do not wish it."

Bilbo opened her mouth to explain, but found no words. She looked from Thorin to the other Dwarves, eyes roaming from face to face and finding nothing but genuine concern.

"Perhaps," she said finally, "one day I will find a way to share this with you. You've all been so kind to me, more than I have ever experienced… I don't wish to keep secrets, but this is still… too near."

Thorin inclined his head respectfully. "As you wish, Miss Baggins."

After a moment, Bilbo felt a sly smile take over her expression. "You know," she told the Dwarves, "today has made me especially grateful that I didn't manage to anger you lot the night you showed up on my doorstep. I don't believe my smial would have remained standing through the chaos."

The atmosphere finally lost some of the tension as a few of the Dwarves chuckled. Bofur strode forward and carefully wrapped his arm around Bilbo's shoulder, matching her growing grin.

"I do believe you're right," he said.

.

A week later, on the evening that Lord Elrond read the map for the Dwarves, Arwen and Bilbo sat together in the gardens again.

"I'm going to miss it here," sighed Bilbo, knowing it was her last night in Rivendell. Now that they knew what the map said, Thorin would want to leave at first light. "The beds, the baths, regular meals… and spending time with you, of course."

"You could always stay," said Arwen with a smile.

Bilbo laughed. "You know I won't."

"I know. If only you weren't so attached to those Dwarves." Arwen's smile was rueful, but fond. Then she lost some of the smile, her face falling slightly. "I will miss you, Bilbo. Please know that you will always be welcome in Rivendell."

Bilbo smiled back at her, grateful, and silently marveled at how many wonderful friends she had made in the few months she'd been away from the Shire.