It's short but I'm just not in the mood to wax prosaic. Differing points of view and a lot of non-fluffy introspection. I'll get to the 'friends' thing in the next chapter.
Chapter 18Plague
PPOV
I am so worried about Sheldon. He seems quieter than usual and there are times when he just walks off in the middle of a conversation with any one of us, so it's not just me.
His injury has kept us from 'getting busy' although he does seem to be more clingy when we're alone or in bed. Moon Pie has never been a touchy-feeling kind of guy but since Douglas, he holds me tighter at night, holds my hand when we're walking together and he tells me 'I love you, Penny', kisses me passionately and then folds me up in his arms and falls into a restless sleep.
Sure, we're making great progress as a 'couple' given the stress we're all under, but his long periods of walking off alone, or sitting above the office listening to the static on the short wave radios, scares me.
Whatever happened in Douglas really shook him up and he can't or won't talk to me about it.
Maybe Winkle can find out what's going on in that beautiful mind of his because I sure can't.
WPOV
I would never admit it but these morning coffee breaks with Sheldon are the high point of my day. Bomber and I have developed a relationship but it's based on sex and little else. Cooper just sighs when I put my arm through his and lean my head against his shoulder. A month ago he would have either given me strikes for indecent personal contact or banished me forever. But that seems so long ago. I think he likes it when I lean my head on his shoulder. Sometimes he slips up and even puts his arm around my shoulders.
I really envy Barbie and the way she and Sheldon are coming together, like two pieces of a puzzle that you forced into some place else in the puzzle but are now right where they belong - together.
I have to take my time with him. Barbie wants me to find out about Douglas and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to know. I do. He's…pulling away from us a little bit more each hour or so it seems. I gotta know about Douglas, it's the catalyst for these changes in him.
Did he and Deborah have sex in the shower room that night? They both disappeared and we all know about sex being a great stress reliever. She whispered something to him that made him turn beet red right before she left a week ago. And she seemed so damned reluctant to leave him, not us, but him. Would she still be here if her aunt and uncle hadn't brought her boyfriend along?
Is this Cooper's way of dealing with 'cheating' on Blondie?
"Sheldon, I need you to open up and talk about what happened that night in Douglas. It's obviously stressed you out. You quit talking mid-sentence and walk away sometimes. C'mon, Sheldon, I'm Leslie 'No Prisoners' Winkle."
SPOV
Will no one rid me of this woman? First Deborah, and then Penny and now, Winkle. My morning routine is all awry thanks to her incessant babbling about my need to 'open up'. Well…she asked for it and she's the least likely to run screaming in terror when she hears it. I don't believe she has a heart or a conscience.
"Fine. So be it. You want to know what happened after I sent Hideki away so that he'd be safe and gain the advantage should the raiders overcome my efforts? Do you really want to know? Can you handle the truth, Dr. Winkle?"
I saw her nod. Fine.
"I rolled out of the truck and fired a burst at the lead cyclist. I hit him, of course, and then, fearing that the other three would spread out and form a deadly crossfire, I tossed a grenade at them."
I pause, gathering my thoughts, censoring certain things, like the status of my pants, and she impatiently interrupts my efforts to give her a complete picture.
"Go on, Sheldon. You threw a grenade and then what?"
"The blast took out two of the raiders. One screamed like a woman badly wounded, while the other was killed outright by the blast."
I can see the remaining raider pulling his automatic weapon from his back and laying it across the crossbars of his handlebars to steady it and then accelerating towards me. The motorcycle fishtails in the snow and…
"Hey, don't get lost in the past, Sheldon, stay focused. You took out two more raiders and then what?"
"You keep interrupting me, Leslie, as I'm revisiting it in my mind trying to synthesize my view into a cogent description. Please stop that!"
She nods and squeezes my hand. I didn't even realize that she was holding it. Her hand is smaller than Penny's and somehow rougher and thinner. Not as feminine as Penny's, either.
"The last raider accelerated towards me and his motorcycle failed to maintain traction and threw his aim off. I got hit in the hip and spun around and down with the force of the impact."
The feel of Leslie's thumb gently rubbing the back of my larger hand distracts me. It distracts and yet comforts.
"I fired a long burst at him and he flipped backwards off his motorcycle. Several rounds struck the gasoline tank and it exploded in flames scant yards from me."
"So you killed three and wounded another. You must have been in terrible pain. What did you do then?"
She keeps interrupting me as I gather my thoughts. It is very annoying and I lash out at her for her constant interruptions.
"Quit interrupting me! I did what you did in the parking lot in Barstow. 'Never leave an enemy in your rear', remember?"
I can feel her flinch away from me but then she squeezes my hand and starts running her other hand up and down my arm. It's very disconcerting even if I cannot feel her bare skin through my field jacket.
"You did what had to be done to keep us all safe, Sheldon. Don't feel guilty about that. They'd have done far worse to us if they'd caught us unawares and you know it. Cutting off our ears would have been the least painful, I think."
I am startled at the new perspective Leslie has introduced. Yes, I have no doubt that they would have done heinous things to us had they caught us unprepared but that hardly mitigates my uncivilized and bestial actions.
"You are undoubtedly right but…does that condone what I did? I don't think so."
I hear her sigh, thinking I'm done with our forced discussion but I'm not finished. Not by half. I waited until her mouth was full of coffee from the cup she'd retrieved from our makeshift table before continuing.
"The wounded raider I mentioned was indeed a woman. She was rather pretty, actually, and begged me to help her. Her abdomen had been torn open by the blast and I could see her intestines oozing out through the rents in her clothing. There was nothing I could do for her to relieve her pain and I was going to shoot her when I saw her 'necklace'."
"Those ears…she wore them? What kind of woman would – "
"I jerked them from around her neck and stuffed them into my pocket. I asked her about her activities, promising her medical help. At first she wouldn't talk, afraid of possible consequences, I suppose. So I…"
My mouth is suddenly very dry and I'm shaking. I can't do this. I don't want to do this. I start to stand up and walk away, my morning routine now ruined but Winkle pulls me back down and unbelievably, puts her arms around me and whispers that she won't judge me.
"Please, Shel, don't stop now. It's bad to keep it all bottled up. I won't judge you, Sheldon. No matter what you tell me. And I promise I won't mention a word of this to the others. It'll be our secret."
"I – I pressed my hand hard against her wound, ignoring her screams. I told her that the pain would continue until she answered all my questions. If she answered every question I'd give her morphine that we found in the pharmacy."
I can hear Winkle's breathing grow harsh and she squeezes me tighter than I thought possible for such a small woman but it doesn't hurt. It feels…nice.
"I don't know how long it took but finally I had the information I required. I stood up and turned away from her and she pleaded with me to give her morphine. To give her the help I promised."
"I told her that I lied and hobbled away. I found Bomber asleep in the truck and we returned."
"Jesus, Sheldon, she was still alive when you left? You left her alive? What if they found her?" It was a reasonable question even if she almost shouted it in my ear.
"I could see the fire reflected in their eyes, Les. I flipped down my NVGs and there they were, about 4 or 5 of them, shying away from the fire and waiting for me to leave."
"Them?"
I don't want to see the look of horror and loathing on her face so I turn away, wrenching free from her grasp before answering her.
"Coyotes."
WPOV
"Sheldon – " I start to say but stop when I see the look of utter despair on his face. It's his eyes that stop me. They're shimmering with tears and he's barely holding himself in check. I can feel his thigh trembling where I've pressed mine against him.
I want to hold him, hug him, and tell him everything's going to be all right but I know he'll bolt. This is not a touchy-feeling moment in his mind. He needs…he needs a shock to his system.
"Good. Good. I – I hope they took their own sweet time with her. I hope she suffered – " I blurt out before I can really engage my brain.
I'm not sorry in the least that Sheldon did what he did, but now I understand why he's turning himself inward, isolating himself from us. He's protecting us in his own weird way from what he fears he's become – some kind of soulless monster.
"Coffee's getting cold, Sheldon. Let's go get us a fresh cup and then maybe just sit around and talk about what we're going to do next. We've been here a week and although I love the pool and the tennis courts and the spa, I'm getting bored. How about it, Moon Pie?"
His eyes narrow and he glares at me, totally ignoring my attempt at humor and homing in on the one thing I know he truly detests.
"Don't call me Moon Pie!"
I'm still hanging on to his hand and he doesn't push me away when I hug him. Maybe things will be okay. Maybe he'll be able to put this behind him. I think Penny and I need to take a whirl at washing clothes and just having a little girl talk. I don't think that a promise made under such circumstances should be kept.
His girlfriend should know that he'll need a lot of TLC for a while.
Lucky bitch.