"You wish me to send you into the Fade so you can willingly allow another mage take a spirit within himself? 'Tis most foolish."
Elaine had never really heard it be said out loud, and hearing it from Morrigan now really did make it sound crazy. She had spent the morning with her old friend filling her in on life in Amaranthine, and all she had missed while they were apart. For the most part Morrigan had remained silent, until it came time to discuss the plans of the evening.
"I know it's not the brightest idea in the world, but we don't have much choice. The body Justice inhabits is getting worse by the day," Elaine explained.
"Then let this Justice return to the Fade where it belongs," Morrigan said.
Elaine sighed. "Unfortunately I have tried every argument, laid out every possibility, and they still want to do it."
Morrigan shook her head, folding her arms. "Yet you claim to love this man."
"I do love him," Elaine reiterated. "How bad can it be, it worked for Wynne, remember? She merged with the spirit of Faith, and that proved quite beneficial to us."
Morrigan scoffed. "That old woman is a fool. And if you recall, that spirit prolongs her life unnaturally."
"Which," Elaine argued, "I will accept the counterbalance of the taint shortening his life. We are not meant to live very long after our Joining. If merging with Justice has the same effect as Wynne and Faith, I am more willing to do it."
"'Tis a curious thing," Morrigan questioned, "why you did not seek her instead?"
Elaine had to stifle a laugh, imagining the look on Wynne's face if she were to ask for her help in this. "You really think she'd help me? She disagreed with every decision I have ever made. She disapproved of my relationship with Alistair - nearly killed me for my decision to allow Avernus to live. And every conversation about the Circle Tower ended in an argument." Elaine tried to calm the memories of the many disagreements she'd had with the healer. "No, she is the last person I would ever turn to again."
Morrigan didn't hide her distaste for Wynne either. "We, too had several arguments about the mage prison. She was not pleased when I stated the Circle is a place of subjugation." A brief sadness showed in her eyes. "She told me I never had love for others and therefore others would never love me; though I care little about love. She also told me I would die alone, and no one would mourn me."
Elaine was shocked by her words. Even though they'd never gotten along, she could hardly believe Wynne capable of such cruelty. "She said that to you? Remind me to kick her old ass next time I see her. I for one love you and would certainly mourn you, as I have no doubts your child would as well. All of our old friends love you, Morrigan."
"Except for that Templar of yours," Morrigan spat.
"That Templar is the father of your child, lest you forget," Elaine reminded her.
Morrigan thought on her words but said nothing, and instead returned to their original topic. "I imagine you wish to do this regardless of my input," Morrigan stated without malice. "I will do this for your friend whenever you are ready."
Introductions were made and they left the Keep for the castle. Elaine and Morrigan took the lead, with Anders and Justice following behind, and Nathaniel in the rear. Elaine had trusted Nathaniel with the details of the ritual, and had asked him to come along in case Alistair's worst case scenario actually happened. Elaine knew herself well enough to know she'd never be able to kill Anders, and she didn't want to endanger Morrigan or her unborn child. It was enough that she was asking her old friend to do this for her, so she needed to ensure the safety of all involved.
Morrigan took Anders into the main bedroom to begin preparations for the ritual. Nathaniel left to set traps outside in the event of random bandits and looters, to Ander's insistence. Elaine knew it was his way of giving her time alone with Justice before the ritual was to begin.
"Are you nervous?" she asked the spirit.
"I am not," Justice replied. "Not in the way you mean."
Elaine was confused. "What other definition of nervous do you know?"
"Perhaps it is not nerves as much as concern," he explained. "I long to be of this world and am certain we are making the right decision. But returning to the Fade, I wonder if there will be resistance to this course of action."
Elaine was puzzled. "Do you mean from the other spirits?"
Justice nodded. "Because Anders will open himself up to me, it is possible others may attempt to take my place instead."
"I am a step ahead of you Justice," Elaine explained. "Nathaniel isn't just here for setting traps."
The spirit understood. "Good. I have not always understood your love for each other, or the concept of love in general, but this body's memories and love for his wife have helped me to appreciate what it means. That you would allow him to do this…"
"I am doing it for the both of you," Elaine smiled softly. "I care for you, too and your desire to remain with us."
Justice appreciated the sentiment. "I will honor our friendship as it continues through him," Justice affirmed.
Elaine hugged the body of Kristoff, an action that the spirit wasn't quite comfortable with but was attempting to understand. As he searched the memories of the body he inhabited, he acknowledged and returned the embrace. "Take care of him," Elaine whispered into his shoulder, tears falling from her eyes.
Justice finally realized the size of the gift his commander was giving him, and held her a little longer as she cried. He swore to himself that he would do anything to protect that gift, and cherish Elaine for giving him a place in this world.
Anders came down the stairs as Elaine pulled away from Justice, wiping her fallen tears with her sleeve. The spirit kissed the top of her forehead, a gesture he no doubt learned from Kristoff, and retreated upstairs to allow Anders and Elaine a moment alone.
"Are you ready?" he had asked her, but the weight of the question caused her to buckle and sob uncontrollably again. Anders held her close as she fell into his arms, her body shaking beyond her control. "Elaine," he murmured in her hair as he rested his head on hers. "Don't do this love, please," his voice cracked slightly.
She had no words to say. No thoughts in her mind save one; she'd lose him today. The feeling felt like a certainty, and it overwhelmed her, which caused her heart to feel as if it would stop beating at any moment. She found it difficult to breath as panic and grief warred within her.
Anders smoothed her hair and rubbed her back, his throat tightening with his own pain that threatened to spill out of him. He tried to remain strong for her, show her there was nothing to fear and that everything would be alright, but he found it difficult to do with his love so distraught, clinging to him as if both their lives depended on it. He tilted his head toward the ceiling, keeping his own tears at bay, closed his eyes, and prayed to the Maker that everything would be okay.
Elaine did not release his hand as they walked slowly up the stairs together. The hallway seemed longer than the last time she was here. Instead of Anders gently escorting her to the bedroom to make love to her, they were taking dangerous steps toward an unknown future. She suddenly regretted doing the ritual here, desecrating their sacred space. But she feared the other Wardens' reactions, or worse, an attempt to stop them. The risk was far too great, with the real possibility of trapping them both in the Fade forever.
Elaine's legs struggled to move on her command, and as they came closer to their destination, it was more difficult to breath. She felt Anders squeeze her hand a little harder as they opened the door and entered the room. Morrigan was seated comfortably on the floor, legs crossed and eyes closed; her usual meditation position, Elaine remembered. Justice was seated to the left of her, and Nathaniel was over by the bed peering out the window.
The sun was hidden by clouds today, the gray sky looming over them through the glass ceilings and windows. Elaine didn't remember it being so dark outside on the way to the castle, and the knot in her stomach continued to tighten.
"Elaine," she heard Anders voice through her thoughts and she looked up at him. "Your digging into my skin," he said with a small laugh.
She looked at their joined hands and saw the indentation her nails made into his flesh. She managed a half smile as she embraced what little bravery she could find within herself, and released her hold on him. "I'm sorry," she tried to say, but the dryness in her throat suppressed her voice.
Anders lifted both of his hands and placed them on either side of her face, thumbs tracing her cheekbones. He looked into her eyes, red and swollen from so many fallen tears over the last two days. His heart broke from her expression; the sadness, the exhaustion, the fear she tried so unsuccessfully to hide. He leaned down to her, wetting his lips with his tongue before invading her mouth. She stood high on her toes to reach him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and closed her eyes. Her tongue ran along his, as it had so many times, and she only broke away to nibble softly at his lower lip.
Justice watched them both, and briefly wondered what the experience of kissing Elaine would be like once he merged with Anders.
Anders pulled away from her moments later, kissing her nose, then her forehead, and then carefully lifted her arms away from his neck. He knew one of them had to be strong enough to break the hold, and he knew it wouldn't be her. Her eyes remained closed for a few seconds more as she stood there, feeling the distance between them increase as he moved away from her, and for a moment she felt as if her legs would no longer carry her weight. Anders noticed the weakness in her and brought his arm around her waist, helping her to sit across from Morrigan. He then took the position next to Elaine, and Morrigan opened her eyes.
She looked at Elaine with concern, but Elaine didn't give her the chance to ask her any questions. She cleared her throat to find her voice again. "Let's proceed," she said, relying on her Warden Commander tone to hide her pain.
Morrigan's expression did not change but she took her friend's lead, reaching behind her and retrieving the black bag she had carried to the castle. She opened it and removed several lyrium potion vials, handing five to Elaine and keeping five for herself. She removed a silver box next, and placed it in the center of the circle the four had formed. "Do not be alarmed," Morrigan warned as she released several protective magical locks on the box.
Elaine looked towards Anders and then back at the box, wondering just what method Morrigan would use to get them into the Fade. When she opened the box, Elaine gasped. She immediately looked at Justice, who was instantly transfixed on the object. Anders voice spoke for all of them. "Is that…"
"'Tis a Harrowing stone, yes," Morrigan replied, almost bored with the shock and awe the object had attracted. "There are far more simpler ways to enter the Fade than blood magic and sacrifices, or a room full of mages."
"Where was this when we needed it in Redcliffe?" Elaine wondered out loud.
"Not yet in my possession," came the simple answer from Morrigan.
Anders shook his head. "But the ritual I found required the extra lyrium consumption. If you don't need the vials then why do you have them?"
"The Harrowing stone will get you there," Morrigan explained. "But for us to join you and not be tempted or at risk, we must also have the additional lyrium in our system."
Anders was not happy with this new detail. "Why would you need to join us? I don't understand."
Morrigan sighed, growing inpatient. She refused to speak with Anders anymore and looked at Elaine. "If we allow them to flounder through the Fade with no guidance, you could lose them both. One of us must anchor with Justice and the other with Anders."
"How do we do that?" Elaine asked.
Morrigan thought for a moment. "'Tis far more easier to do than explain."
"Please try," Anders pushed. He was suddenly angry that' he hadn't known Elaine would be this involved.
"We enhance ourselves with the lyrium as a sort of magnet and safety net for you," Morrigan broke it down. "I will be the anchor for Justice; 'twill be far easier for a spirit to find me." Elaine noticed she didn't further explain why, but suspected it had to do with the 'soul of the old god' she had within her womb. "Elaine will anchor you," she said to Anders. "Once you've merged with us, then 'twill be easier to get the both of you together."
Elaine had one more thought. "Will this…I mean…is this safe for you Morrigan?"
Morrigan nodded. "I would not put myself in any situation that would harm me. Now let us begin, I tire of this talk."
Elaine looked at Anders and Justice one last time. Anders grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently, smiling at her with warmth and appreciation in his eyes. "See you on the other side, love."
Elaine smiled back and then released his hand. She followed Morrigan's lead and began drinking the lyrium potions. Never before had she used them at full strength, and getting five of them down was going to be more difficult than she'd thought. The liquid began to burn as it ran down her throat, and she almost choked on it before drinking the second one. But with each empty vial, she kept in mind she was doing it for him, for them, for a better future. Once the last empty glass vial fell from her fingers, her insides felt as if they were on fire.
Morrigan nodded, beginning the ritual.
Nathaniel stood guard over the four, bow at the ready as they began to stir. Morrigan opened her eyes first and immediately closed the box containing the Harrowing stone. She looked up at Nathaniel and threatened him. "Point that elsewhere, fool."
He did point it elsewhere, at Elaine who began to shift her legs, just in case. Morrigan packed the box away and retrieved the empty vials, also placing them in her pack. She watched as Elaine's eyes opened and began to focus. "That was… intense," she managed to say in a whisper.
"'Twas most interesting indeed, though I do not wish to repeat it any time soon."
Elaine agreed silently, and turned her head toward Anders. He still showed no sign of movement, and fear immediately gripped her heart. She jumped at a sudden noise next to her; Kristoff's body falling backwards to the floor. She gasped, a hand immediately at her mouth, at the sight of her fallen friend.
"It appears we were successful," Morrigan said with confirmation. "His body has been released." She stood and grabbed her cloak, wrapping it around herself. There was a sudden chill in the air, as night had fallen around them. While no rain had come from the earlier threatening clouds, a rumbling of thunder could be heard in the distance.
Nathaniel told them they were unconscious a few hours, but in the Fade it seemed only minutes had passed. He set his bow down on the bed and began the task of removing Kristoff's body from the room.
Elaine moved to sit in front of Anders, grabbing both of his hands as if she could guide him home by touching him. As a mage she knew this did nothing for him, but she felt better doing something, as she waited for his return. Each minute that passed felt like an eternity, and the knots in her stomach returned in full force. She concentrated on his breathing, fingers moving toward his wrists to make sure the blood running through his veins still flowed. Elaine reached up to brush a strand of his long hair out of his face, wondering when it had strayed from the rest.
As she touched his forehead his eyes opened wide. The sudden movement startled her and she withdrew her hand. Anders looked into her eyes and smiled at her, for a moment, until his eyes were clouded over by a light blue swirl of energy - one she knew far too well. She crawled backward away from him as she felt the power of the Fade radiating from him.
Wish a bright flash of light, the rest of his body projected the same blue energy as his eyes. Elaine was almost blinded by the distortion, and before she could understand what was happening, he was on top of her, a hand to her throat. She grabbed his clenching hand, trying to pry him away, but it was no use; he was much stronger than her, and she was depleted of energy from her journey into the Fade.
Morrigan was behind Anders in an instant, a spell forming between her fingers, but he was well aware of her actions. With his other hand he reached over his shoulder and expelled his energy towards her, forcing her backwards and sent Morrigan crashing into the wall.
His grip on Elaine's throat tightened as he focused his attention back on her. She gathered the little strength she had left to cry out his name. "Anders," she pleaded, in a last attempt to reach him, but to no avail.