Chapter 2: Evening the Odds

Hey! So, I have yet to type up that chapter of IRL. My bad for anyone waiting on it. It's just that I've seriously gotten my drive back since starting this story, and I want something to do during the two and a half hour car ride to RIT. I really don't have much else to say, so on with the show.

I woke up without opening my eyes, feeling something warm against my chest and something soft brushing against my nose. I tried brushing it away and going back to sleep, but it kept coming back.

"…Ugh…What…?" I finally gave up on going back to sleep and opened my eyes. When I did, I saw that the soft thing against my nose was a certain someone's twitching right ear wolf ear. "Oh…Questions need to be asked."

"Questions will be answered."

"Um…So…This…" My face felt very warm. I must look like a fool.

"Not really a question, but I understand. When I got out of the bath, I saw that your door was open and you were passed out at the desk. I picked you up and tried to put you into bed, but you wouldn't let go of me."

"Sorry…I, uh, do that when I'm sleeping."

"I noticed."

"So, you just decided to roll with it?"

"Well, it would've been rude of me to wake you up."

"Oh…So…Should we get up?"

"Probably. I had a few things planned for today." She sat up and stretched and HOLY FUCK! I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a few beats at the sight of this woman that was way out of my league. The long ponytail was undone, allowing the strands to flow down her back, her chest was barely covered by an undone dress shirt, and I'm fairly certain she doesn't have pants on. If she couldn't tell the thoughts that were running through my mind by the fire that my face felt like, she'd have to be the densest being in existence. "We need to go get groceries, seeing as how I don't have enough food for two of us. Then we're going to get you some training." As she stood up, I could confirm that she was, in fact, not wearing any pants. Instead, she just had on a pair of simple black panties and solid white thigh socks. "You coming?" She asked, turning back towards me, and her chest jiggled enough to catch my eye.

"I might if you stay here." She stood there, staring at me with a blush on her face before slowly exiting. "Smooth, Steven. Real. Fucking. Smooth. I've just made things as awkward as human possible." After an ample amount of time spent self-admonishing, I went to get something for breakfast and hoped we wouldn't cross paths for a while. Things never go my way though.

"Noire just brought over your clothes. You should go change. That Jelly slime tends to smell after being out in the open for too long."

"Y-Yeah…Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I just…It just kind of slipped out." How did I miss that she changed into a white sundress?

"How about we just forget about it?"

"I wish I could. Really, I do. Could I just make it up to you? Make breakfast, maybe?"

"Stay away from my kitchen! It's mine!"

"Okay!" I shouted, throwing my hands in the air. "Your kitchen! Got it! I'll…just go change then…You can just…go back to what you were doing." I grabbed the bags off of the couch and hauled ass outta there. I swapped out the stained purple shirt for a clean one and the black jeans for a blue pair. "I smell bacon." In order to not have my head removed from my shoulders, I very quietly snuck my way back to the kitchen/dining room. "Bacon?"

"Bacon. Don't worry, I don't bite…Much…"

"Kinky." Seeing as how the coast was clear, I was able to properly appreciate the wonderful smelling spread that was strewn across the counter. There was eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, and bagels. All of the good stuff. "So, let me get this straight. You can pick me up with relative ease, are a total badass if your Guild card is to be believed, can magic yourself a knife, AND can cook? Is there anything you can't do?"

"Y-Yeah…There's a few things…"

"Like what?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"…ca- -im…" She turned away from the table, human ears as red as her animal ones.

"What?"

"I can't swim."

"Huh…Well then…"

"And you already know the other." I gave her my blankest stare. "…You're really gonna make me say it? Fine…I can't get a boyfriend."

"I wouldn't mind helping with that first one. It's still summer, after all." I took a bite of bacon as things went quiet

"…And he second…?"

"I don't feel comfortable answering that question truthfully after this morning. Honestly, it would be up to you more than it would me. I mean, it hasn't even been twenty-four hours since we've met."

"I just kind of threw that on you, didn't I? My bad."

"Meh. It's not a big deal. I actually like lending people a hand when I can…Do you have a list?"

"A list?"

"A grocery list."

"Oh…Nah, too much effort just for food. I just grab what looks good."

"And how much do you end up spending?"

"…A lot…"

"Looks like we can add money management to the list of things you can't do. Let's make us a list then. Once we're done, of course."

"Fine, fine. If it can save me some credits, I guess it won't be too bad." All things considered, breakfast was very nice. "You ready to get started?"

"I already started…There's no fruits and veggies in here." I observed, staring into the fridge. "The freezer has more ice cream in it than meat and stuff. I'm not even willing to count how many are in here."

"Shut up!...I like my sweets…"

"There's a difference between liking sweets and…this…So, here's what we're going to do."

"No! We're not getting rid of them!"

"Let. Me. Finish. We're going to give some (most) of these to Neptune."

"Why?"

"Because when we do it, we'll leave, and her sugar high will not be our problem."

"That's not very nice."

"I am not nice. We'll also be replacing said ice cream with fruit. And before you say anything, there are plenty of sweet fruit."

"Name some."

"Apples and strawberries."

"…Please don't do this…"

"Fruit is cheaper and better for you."

"So?" All I had to do to prove my point was poke her stomach. "Don't poke my pudge." Her face returned to its reddened state, though not as badly as earlier.

"Eat less ice cream."

"…Fine…What else is going on the list?"

"Eggs, milk, bread, some meat for the freezer, maybe some marinades. You know, real food."

"You're going to kill me."

"You'll be fine. By the way, I was thinking about earlier. We should probably go to whoever you were taking me to get some training."

"Probably. We'll have to come home before we go shopping, though."

"I'll just bring a change of clothes. There should be some shorts in those bags." I quickly made my way to my room and rummaged through the bags again until I found a pair of black athletics shorts and a drawstring bag. I stuffed them in the bag, along with another shirt before slinging it over my shoulder. "Alright, where is my trainer-to-be?"

"On the outskirts of town. Let me get my shoes on and we can get going." Cynthia opened the closet and pulled out a pair of white heels.

"Isn't it a long walk to do in heels like that?"

"I've walked farther in higher." I couldn't help but shake my head and chuckle.

"Whatever you say…" The walk took well over half an hour, and our destination wasn't exactly in the best conditions. A window was cracked and the paint was peeling. "Um…Is this the right place?"

"I know it looks sketchy, but he taught me everything I know." She opened the door and the interior was much nicer and looked more like an office than somewhere you'd teach someone to fight. "Dante! Get down here!" A loud thud and a groan came from upstairs before a man ran down the stairs.

"What do you want, kid? I'm bus- Oh? You brought a date to visit little ol' me?" This man's, Dante's, hair was white and messy…Wait! Hold the phone! Oh shit, this is awesome!

"We're here because this guy here has at least a little bit of promise, and you owe me."

"Hey!"

"What? It's true. There's only so much a human can do compared to people like us."

"There, there, kid. She was like this the first time I walked in on her too."

"He didn't do it on purpose, you pervy old man!"

"So, what do you use?"

"A stick."

"A stick?"

"He uses a staff."

"I don't teach magic. Not exactly my area of expertise."

"Steven, just show him."

"About that…Where did it go?"

"A real greenhorn in the flesh. I guess we're running through the basics first." It took a while, but I eventually got used to the real life menu screens.

"So that's where her knife came from…"I said, pulling my weapon out of my inventory. Now that my walking stick was in my hands, my training began. And that was hell for someone that wasn't used to it. It also didn't help that I had managed to piss him off with all my questions about the forms he was trying to teach. He made those feelings known when he decided we were going to spar. My everything hurts.

"You learn quick. Let's call it a day." He said, handing me some water that I downed quickly.

"Hey, do you have a shower I can use? I smell something foul and we still have a shopping trip to do."

"Upstairs, second door on the right."

"Thanks." I tried to make it was quick as possible, but my muscles demanded soothing.

"I'm just saying I can't teach him anything past the basics." Looks like they're having an argument. I can't say I'm not intrigued.

"And why not?"

"Because his fighting ability would suffer if I taught him my style. It's too offensive. You've seen it, haven't you? He goes into a counter stance and targets the body's weak points. My throat still stings a bit from that last one."

"Are you sure your throat's not sore from something else?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha. By the way, tell your boyfriend to come down. I know he's listening."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"But I wouldn't object if offered the position." God dammit! Why do I open my stupid fucking mouth!?

"Smooth."

"First of all, shut it. Secondly, don't fuel his fire. We need to go, before I get a headache."

"See ya, kids. Come by when you have the time."

"Why did you say that!?" Cynthia asked as we walked to the store.

"It's easier to get someone to stop teasing you about something if you roll with it." Yeah, tell her that instead of the fact that you let some stupid shit slide out of your face hole for the second time today.

"Not with Dante."

"How was I supposed to know?" Our shopping trip took much longer than I wanted it to. A certain someone kept putting all kinds of things in the cart. Seeing as how she had a bare bones stock, we couldn't exactly have all the junk. That night we had some of the steaks we bought because they were fast and not frozen. With these steaks, we had some mashed potatoes and broccoli.

"Eat them." I commanded.

"No."

"'Tia, just eat the vegetables."

"But they taste bland."

"Then put some butter and salt on them."

"Are we really doing this?" She chuckled.

"I guess we are. I was raised under the idea that you don't get dessert until you clean your plate. If you keep eating sweets like you want to, you're going to have more than a cute amount of pudge."

"…You think it's cute…?"

"Just forget I said that. Please. Look, how about you finish that, and then we can have dessert with the movie you picked out."

"Fine." The movie we watched was a knock off of one of the Star Wars original trilogy. What was more entertaining, however, was Cynthia's stomach ache from eating an entire tub of ice cream. The next two days were primarily spent level and credit grinding. We did so much that there was no value in killing anything in Otori forest. The rest of the time, on my part, was attempting to make things less awkward between us. And it worked, to an extent. I wasn't saying things out loud anymore.

"Hey you guys!"

"Neptune?" Cynthia asked.

"The one and only!"

"It seems like you two have been working hard, unlike these two." Noire stated.

"Well, I don't exactly have a choice if I want to keep up with all of you." I responded. "We were just finishing up for the day, actually."

"Us too. Wanna come visit?" Plutie asked.

"Sure, I wouldn't mind."

"Their couch is comfier than ours." I said. The walk was entertaining to say the least. Our path was clear, and Neptune was regaling us with her tails of what happened over the last few days. We shared what we did as well. Omitting certain things, of course.

"She wouldn't stop talking, so I bopped her on the mouth!" Neptune said, sipping on some tea since we were all sitting in the Basilicom's living quarters.

"That…wasn't the best way to deal with that." Cynthia commented.

"You could've just called the police. At minimum, that's breaking and entering and trespassing. Both could land her jail time." I added.

"Really?"

"Plutia, aren't you the one who made that law?" Noire asked while looking at the clock on the wall. "Oh, looks like I better get going."

"Can I come with you this time?" The sleepy CPU asked.

"No need. If you were to come along. It'll just take me even longer. Just wait here."

"Awww…" Plutie pouted as her friend left.

"Hey, Noire always goes off on her own after we finish working, huh?" Neptune observed.

"She said at that diner that she wanted to be a CPU. Do you think she's out looking for a CPU Memory?" I asked, playing off my knowledge once more.

"Yup…That's where she goes." Oh, hey. Plutie confirmed it. Yay!

"Then let's go after her! I can't let her become a CPU before me!" The purple haired girl yelled before running off.

"W-wait for me!" Plutie gave chase, and we followed as well.

"What are you all doing here?" Noire asked us once we all caught up to her. The place she was looking in was a ruin that was falling apart at the seam.

"Neptune didn't want you becoming a CPU before her."

"Don't tell her that."

"Plutia wanted to help you, and I thought you could use an extra set of eyes." Cynthia replied, ignoring Neptune's interruption.

"Same, except this'll also help me out. New area means higher level enemies, and more experience."

"Okay, let's take our time, then. Even if I wanted to rush through, Plutia walks so slow and wanders off." Noire said, leading us deeper inside. When she said take our time, she meant it, because we ended up fighting whatever came our way for a good hour. "Why are you so tired?"

"I've gotten better, but I'm still behind you guys. Cut me some slack." I groaned standing up. As I was taking a drink from the flask I had filled with water, I noticed everyone had started to move on. Cynthia had went around a corner, following Neptune and Noire, and Plutie was nowhere to be seen. "I should find Plutie. Who knows what kind of trouble she could get into." By the time I managed to find her, she was in the middle of her conversation with Warechu.

"You know, if something happened to them, I might get angryyyy…Noire said not to, buuuut…"

"The psycho's talking to herself now…Ugh. My patience is at its limits! I don't smack broads around, but maybe I need to teach this idiot some discipline…!"

"It's okay to get mad at times like this, riiiight? I gotta get back to them…"

"Of course, Plutie. If the rat was willing to hit you, imagine what this friend of his could be doing." I said, entering the conversation.

"She ain't my friend."

"Really, Stevie? Okaaaay. I gotta get them outta trouble…!" The sleepy girl was then enveloped in light.

"Yipes! That's bright! Wh-What's the deal, chu?!"

"Hehehehehe…You're fucked, rat."

"I wouldn't put it so crudely, but he's right…" Shivers went up my spine, but not out of fear like the rat in front of me. No, this was anticipation for what was to come.

"Wh-Who are you? Wh-Where'd that airhead go!?"

"That 'airhead' is the CPU of Planeptune. What do you think just happened?"

"Oh no! No no no!" The rat tried to run away, but I pinned his heart shaped tail with my staff.

"Aw…You spoiled my surprise, Stevie."

"Sorry. I wanted to see him freak out myself."

"Well, if that's all, then I can forgive you." The girl turned sexy dominatrix said.

"A…A CPU wouldn't hurt someone like little ol' me, right?"

"A CPU?" She snarled. "Who gave you permission to label me as such? You will call me Her Ladyship, scum!" The sword turned into a savage whip, and oh boy did Plutie take him to pound town. When Warechu was thoroughly broken, she picked him up by the tail. "Well, shall we?"

"Let's. I have an idea, too." We made haste to our friends, and when we got there, this stripper like witch was thrusting her spear at them. "Hold this." I said, shoving my weapon into the CPUs free hand. I sprinted as fast as I could, right hand cocked back. Now, the pun you are about to read needs some explaining. Back in the days of yore, I, along with a few of my friends (who were stoners) got thinking. A guy getting hit in the crotch had many names. Dick shot, nut tap, and cup check are just a few. "But what about girls?" We asked. It hurt to get hit there too. And this is the masterpiece that I came up with.

"UPPERCUNT!" There shouldn't be any more explanation needed.

"Stevie?" The deadpanned voice of the sadist asked.

"Yes, Plutie?"

"Puns?"

"It worked"

"H-How dare you!" The witch yelled, doubled over, before she was sent flying.

"We're having a serious talk later." Cynthia told me after roughly grabbing my shoulder.

"Wh-Wh-Why did you transform, Plutia!? We've talked about this!"

"W-Wait! That's Plutie!? Squishy, adorable Plutie!?" Neptune nearly screamed.

"Stevie said I could, but is that really how you ought to greet me, Noire? I transformed just so I could save the three of you…Poor little Noire. You have such high hopes, but such little strength to crush anything in your way…"

"Ugh…You don't have to go that far…"

"Hey, Plutie? Don't you have something for our two friends here?" I asked.

"Hmhmhmmm…Did you think I'd just give them to them?"

"What is she talking about?" Cynthia asked.

"We got the CPU Memories that the rat had on him."

"Are you seriously ignoring me?"

"Didn't your parents ever teach you that it's rude to interrupt the grown-ups while they're talking?"

"Oh my~ Such a sharp tongue. Can you back it up?" Plutie asked me.

"Baby you know it."

"How are you not scared of Sadie?" Neptune asked.

"There's scarier. Like spiders."

"Well, what are you going to offer me for these?" Plutie asked the two.

"Well, the only thing I really have is my sexy bod. But that's off limits! But, if it's you, I guess it's fine…"

"Hahahahaha! What a wonderful offer!"

"Um…Maybe I shouldn't have said that. S-So, uh, Sadie…Actually…"

"You wouldn't dare go back on such a delectable agreement, would you?"

"U-Um, well, that is to say…Buh-Buh-Buh-Be gentle, okay…?"

"Ooh, my silk touch will be anything but painful. I'll look forward to closing this deal…But first, Noire…You heard Neppy's offer, so…Will you not give me something of even greater value to you…?"

"I'm so glad it's just the two of them."

"Don't think you're off the hook. I could have not let Stevie keep you from getting hit by that spear."

"Oh no…"

"Perhaps I'll just simply take all of your bodies…Hmhmhm…Oh, the fun we could have…" I really hope I'm not included in that, because that would be weird. "Here." The two gems flew out of her hands and landed into Neptune's and Noire's hands. They begain to glow in a soon to be familiar light. As it died down, it was obvious that they had successfully become CPUs. Both had thigh high boot things and body suits. The only significant difference between the two outfits was their color scheme. Noire's hair had turned white while Neptune's became longer and darker.

"Enough of this!" The witch roared, charging at the closest person to her, which was the same person who sent her flying earlier. I don't really understand how I was able to react so quickly, I've never had the best reaction time, but I shoved Cynthia out of the way. The large spear that was aimed for her head instead went into my shoulder, leaving an equally large hole.

"Fuck!"

"Steven/Stevie!"

"I'm…I'm fine…I've had worse…" The blood oozing out of the wound, however, begged to differ.

"Why would you do that?" Cynthia asked me with tears in her eyes, leaning my sorry ass against a wall.

"Well, as cliché as it sounds, it was the right thing to do. Can't have the person paying the rent get shafted. And, even though we haven't known each other very long, I've come to care about you. How exactly, I don't know…" We didn't really get to continue our moment because the temperature in the room dropped many degrees and Plutie's eyes were alive with the fire of murder. "Okay…Now I'm scared of her…"

"Stay here. We'll take care of this, then we'll get you some help." With three of them transformed, the fight was not as one sided as it sounded like it was. Arfoire managed to land a pretty nasty hit on Plutie, slashing right across her chest. Instead of blood, a piece of some kind of crystal flew out of the wound. And incredibly tiny thing, but it still managed to find its way into my shoulder. The pain somehow got more intense, and my vision swam.

"Finally…" A deep, rumbling voice said.

"What the hell?"

"Not quite, mortal. This is a realm where we gods may freely interact with you."

"Why are you talking to ME, of all people?"

"It is truly simple. We gods cannot interact with the world you reside in. However, you are not of that world."

"What do you want from me then?"

"To form a contract. I shall grant you a portion of my power, and in return, you shall be a vessel to my will."

"And what exactly IS that will?" This is starting to get super sketchy.

"Nothing outlandish, I assure you. Simpley make sure that those who wrong others suffer." The deity in question put a strong emphases on suffer. "There are other benefits besides my strength, of course. But there is no entertainment in just telling you. There is one thing that I will tell you, if you accept. There are more of us out there, waiting for the chance to help this world. Seek out their temples, and they shall aid you as well."

"So…How do I sign this contract? And who are you?" A purple crystal skull appeared before me.

"I am Orcus, god of the dead. Crush this in your hand, and the contract will be sealed."

"What's going on? Outside, I mean."

"Nothing of notice. Time here is different than it is in the real world."

"Okay…Let's…Let's do this…" I hesitantly took the human skull in my hand before squeezing. It took a lot less effort to break it than I thought. A burning sensation ran across the back of my hand, and I looked down to see a black Jolly Rogers.

"Now return, and aid your companions." Color returned to my vision and I forced myself up from my seated position.

"Okay…Let's give this a shot." I closed my eyes and focused. "Orcus!" I could feel the god of the dead's power rushing through me. Just because it's only a portion, I've never felt so…incredible. There's no words for it. A shifting blackness crawled across my skin before dissipating like smoke. What was revealed was black armor with white detailing. I couldn't feel my glasses, but whatever was covering my face made it so I could still see what was far away. My oak wood staff had turned bone white and had a scythe blade made out of the same smoke stuff that gave me this armor. I couldn't help but notice that some of the plates of armor were shaped like coffins. "Oh, oh this is cool."

"What is it now?" It sounds like Arfoire is as tired of today's bullshit as I am.

"Steven?" Noire asked.

"In the flesh. Mind if I get in on this? I'm pretty sure I owe this bitch some payback."

"Of course." Neptune said. "I'm glad to see you with us again."

"The feeling is mutual, Neps." Deciding to see what this was all about, I rushed forward in a burst of speed I didn't think I was physically capable of and gave the weapon an experimental swing.

"GAH!" She screamed as the shadowy blade cut her like it was the real thing.

"Ah, such sweet music to my ears."

"Just what we needed. Two of them." Noire lamented, but I ignored her in favor of stomping on the witch's head. A lot.

"I've had my fun. Anyone want to finish this up?"

"It will be my pleasure~" Plutie offered, cracking her whip.

"Don't you dare think of leaving me out of this!" Noire said, and Neptune nodded her head while raising her sword.

"You will pay for what you have done." The CPUs then gave Arfoire one hell of a beat down.

"What was that about?" Cynthia asked as they three fought her.

"I…really don't know. It just kind of slipped out. Honestly, the fact that I meant it really scares me."

"Hahaha! An easy win!' Noire cheered after several more minutes of kicking the shit out of the witch. "Amazing…So this is the power of a CPU!"

"I'm far from top condition, but an enemy f her caliber is a nonissue."

"The climax, already? You were more of a lightweight than you led me to believe."

"You accursed quintuple-teaming fools…! Do you find it heroic to battle an enemy five against one?!"

"Heroic? No. Satisfying? I think you know the answer to that." I said, raising my weapon.

"It's about time I found someone who understands." Plutie commented.

"Grrr! I won't forget this!" She yelled, running off.

"Good! Maybe you'll learn something!" Cynthia shouted back.

"Hey guys…I'm feeling really sleepy now…" I groaned before I felt myself fall as things went blank.

There we go. A lot changed from my handwritten stuff, but that's because I done goofed on a bit. Well, the next chapter of something will come out sometime during my first week of staying in my dorm room. See ya then.