Without an end, there can be no peace.

Elaine sat on her bed in her room at the Hanged Man. Sounds of laughter and cheer could be heard from below, old and new friends together conversing and celebrating. She'd heard the stories of what the residents of Kirkwall had endured over the last few months, and was happy for them that their nightmare was finally over.

Yet she was finding it difficult to join them. To walk downstairs, see his face, and feel the strain on her heart as their eyes met. To talk to him, or to be ignored by him, just to be in the same room with him was an overwhelming thought. So much time had passed, and yet it all came rushing back, everything they'd meant to each other, when she saw Anders. Fear, pain, sorrow, the feelings of abandonment all lingered within her heart. And if possible, she found she loved him even more.

She couldn't help but remember their first night together in the Circle, how it all began when he'd called her a prude. The way he dominated her, took control, and made her feel alive. Their first night together in Amaranthine, the night before his Joining, when he had poured his magic over her and into her, bringing their intimacy to a whole new level. She smiled to herself as she recalled that beautiful night in the castle. He had freed her heart and soul from years of hatred and guilt, had taught her how to love herself, and him, completely. It was the first time she'd admitted that she loved him, and she hadn't stopped loving him since.

A soft knock at her door disturbed her thoughts, and she smiled at Alistair as he entered.

"Wow," he said when he saw her, dressed in a soft, light blue robe with her hair up in a bun. "That's a new look for you."

Elaine laughed. "I suppose it's an old look more than a new one," she explained. "I figure a private party is the perfect time to relax in the robes again. Unless you think there will be a fight and I should put my armor on?"

Alistair sat on the bed next to her. "I think you'll be safe. Especially since you haven't left the room."

Elaine playfully hit him on the arm. "I'm working on it," she insisted as she looked at herself in the mirror on the wall opposite the bed. "Sounds like quite the good time down there."

Alistair nodded, watching her in her reflection. "They are all curious where you are." When she didn't respond and continued to stare into the mirror, he answered her unspoken question. "He showed up a few minutes ago."

Immediately the butterflies returned to her stomach, and her heart began to race. Her outward reaction was the flush that rose to her cheeks, and Alistair took her hand as a show of support. "I thought I felt him arrive, but I was hoping I'd have more time. I never thought I'd be this nervous," she confided.

"No, you?" Alistair said sarcastically, mocking her obvious agitation. "Fearsome slayer of Archdemon, afraid of mage? What will the others think?" Elaine stood up and punched him harder this time. He rubbed his arm from the pain and scowled at her. "Ow, I'm injured. Oh, I need a healer! I'll go get one!"

He stood up and went for the door, but Elaine grabbed his arm. "Okay, okay I'm going," she said laughing that he so easily made a fool out of her. "Just give me a minute."

Alistair took her hand and kissed it. He shifted his attitude and looked at her sternly. "You are absolutely beautiful. He is lucky to have you."

Elaine felt her heart swell from the bond she shared with this man. "Thank you Alistair. I thank the Maker every day you are still in my life."

He bowed to her as a final gesture and left the room, and she was once again alone. She went to her pack and retrieved a small box from its safe place tucked between her clothes. She removed the ribbon from its case and tied it around her neck, and Anders' earring settled gently upon her chest.

Finally, it was back where it belonged.

Elaine made her way down the stairs a few minutes later. The sounds of laughter relaxed her a little, as old and new friends happily greeted her. She didn't see Hawke or Zevran, but the others were enjoying a game of cards. Luck seemed to be with Fenris as he had the biggest stack of coin in front of him. Alistair was engaged in a private conversation with Varric, the dwarf responsible for the party, and the one who'd also arranged for their rooms.

And off in the far corner of the room was Anders, staring intently at her.

Elaine wasn't certain why he chose to sit alone, but she took advantage of it as she made her way through the crowded bar toward him. She hadn't even noticed that Isabela was calling her name; the only person she wanted to talk to was Anders. The bar maiden approached her as she reached his table, and asked her what she wanted to drink.

"Something red," was her reply, her eyes never straying from his.

Anders finally smiled at her. "Some things never change," he said as she took the seat opposite him.

Elaine shrugged. "Why change a good thing?" she asked honestly.

Anders leaned back in his chair as they waited for Elaine's drink, his eyes now focusing on the ribboned necklace she wore. A familiar ache began in the pit of his stomach, and between his legs, as he thought of the first time he had used that very ribbon with her. When her drink finally arrived and they were left alone without further interruption, Anders finally said, "You are still as beautiful as the first time I saw you."

Elaine smiled, blushing slightly. "Careful, you sound like an old man."

Anders laughed, "I feel like one."

Elaine looked at him and tilted her head to the side. "You look tired," she said softly, concerned at how exhausted and broken he appeared.

He managed a weak smile and nodded. "It feels like around every corner there's always something that needs to be done. I admit I'm a bit overwhelmed."

Elaine took a sip of her wine and encouraged him to continue. "Tell me. What have you been up to?"

Anders wasn't certain where to begin. He wasn't comfortable tiptoeing around the inevitable trip down memory lane since the last time they'd seen each other, but he wasn't sure how to approach it. "When I first came here, I opened a clinic," he began, filling her in on the little things he had been doing. His help with the refugees, some small things he had done for Hawke and her companions. He purposely stayed away from the his larger concerns. "What about you?"

"Warden business mostly," Elaine responded. "The last few months I have been on the road. Once we're done here, I'm looking forward to taking some time off." She studied Anders' face for a moment, and then decided she'd had enough mundane conversation. "So, how's Justice?"

Anders blinked in surprise at her question, but then had to smile. "I was wondering how long the idle chat would last."

Elaine laughed with him. "You know me, can't stay civil for very long. Small talk is why I don't do parties."

He felt a little more relaxed as the familiar feeling of just being together soothed over him. As much as he thought he had good reason to feel uncomfortable with her, Anders had to remind himself that this was the woman who had loved him, whom he still loved, and she was someone who had shared more bad than good with him. "Justice has changed," he told her honestly. "We both have."

Elaine nodded, allowing his cryptic explanation for now. "Time will do that to anyone, you especially I imagine," she offered. The door to the Hanged Man swung open and caught their attention; Hawke and Zevran entered the room, causing the loud card-playing table to cheer. Zevran made eye contact with Elaine and smiled at her, and she returned his smile with a wink.

Hawke joined her friends briefly at the large table, yet as soon as she had Fenris' attention, they disappeared together upstairs. Zevran sat with Alistair, and Isabela sauntered over to join them. Anders gave Elaine a small smirk. "Earlier, your friend over there decided to enlighten us all about a very naughty foursome she once enjoyed," he told her, nodding at the table of her former companions. "Which she claims included you."

Elaine almost spit out her wine at the bluntness of the statement, but her reaction was delighted laughter. "I guess you are really ahead of me when it comes to meeting former lovers," she said smiling.

Anders nodded. "More than you know. I met Cullen as well."

Elaine shook her head. "Well, I think that covers all of them," she said, astonished. "I was at the Circle not too long ago, but Cullen was no longer there."

"He's here," Anders informed her. "Came here shortly before I did."

Elaine sighed. "Such a lifetime ago it seems. And a small world that so many people I know are in Kirkwall now. Even Hawke and I are related, and through her I've met all my old friends again."

"You and Hawke are related?" Anders was surprised at the statement. "I always thought she reminded me of you, now I know why."

"And you are the second person to say this to me," Elaine mused. "Alistair said her attitude reminded him of me. I still fail to see the connection. I don't think either one of us has an attitude." She frowned.

Without thinking, Anders reached for her hand that rested on the table. "Trust me love, you two could be sisters." Elaine was taken aback by the gesture and the by the term of endearment. It certainly felt like old times, two friends reminiscing, but his actions pulled at her heart and brought sadness to her eyes. Anders realized his error immediately and began to apologize. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have…"

"It's alright," she whispered, composing herself. She shrugged and brought a smile to her face again. "It's bound to happen right?"

Anders stood, causing Elaine a moment of panic when he pushed his chair under the table and grabbed his drink. But he wasn't leaving. "Can we go to your room? I know we have more to say to each other, and some things I need to tell you aren't meant for anyone else to hear." He extended his hand to her. "I don't think either of us are capable of anymore small talk either."

Elaine nodded and stood, accepting his hand. As they walked up the stairs together, she knew her former companions were watching.

Elaine had thought about this moment for such a long time. Now here he was, alone with her in her room, and all she wanted to do was kiss him. She wanted to forget the past and make up for lost time; finding each other again through an impossible turn of events. Yet she knew by the look in his eyes that he had a lot weighing him down, and he needed to unburden himself. She sat on the bed, grabbed a pillow and placed it in her lap, just as she had always done when they talked in the past. She then waited patiently for him to become comfortable enough to speak.

The overwhelming scent of her that filled the room was impossible to ignore. Anders watched her waiting for him, a familiar sight that brought back so many memories and emotions. She always had patience with him, always knew when to be serious, or break the tension with a joke, or when to simply remain silent until he could find the right words to say what he needed to say. It was this bond, this complete understanding of each other, that he had missed the most. For a moment he thought about skipping the conversation; make love to her instead and leave the past behind them. But he owed her more than that. She deserved to know the truth, and she also needed to be warned of what was to come.

"I don't know where to begin," he started honestly. "There is no explanation that will erase the pain I know I've caused you." He leaned against the dresser and looked at her. "I wanted to return to you so many times."

"So why didn't you?" she asked softly. "I mean, I got your letter and all, but I still don't quite understand why you left. We had agreed to work through it together; I was going to help you and Justice both. And you took that option away from me." She felt the tears threatening to form, but forced them back with a deep breath.

Anders looked away from her. "When he takes over, I have no control; my actions are not my own. I felt his grip on your throat, knew the strength he put into it, and could do nothing to stop him." He met her gaze again, eyes glistening. "I was screaming within myself, begging him to stop, hoping you could hear me. You called for me to help you and I couldn't." He moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to her. "It wasn't until you called for him and asked him to release me that I could move again, and by then it was almost too late to save you."

Elaine held his hand as he relived the moment, rubbing his knuckles with her thumb. "But you did save me," she said.

"It wasn't only me that wanted to run," he continued explaining. "My thoughts are no longer only my own. Justice was distraught as well over what had happened, and convinced me that we had to leave until we could learn to adjust to each other. I began researching spirit possession, trying to learn as much as I could so that we could co-exist, and so that, one day, I could return to you."

"But you never did," Elaine pointed out. "Is it still a problem for you?"

Anders nodded. "Not long after I left Amaranthine, I came to Kirkwall to aid a friend from the Circle who'd recently been transferred here. When I discovered he had been made tranquil, Justice took over, and several Templars were slaughtered. Right in the heart of the Chantry."

Elaine closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the pain he was feeling, and tried to steady herself to be supportive for him. When she felt both his hands on hers, she opened her eyes to meet his gaze once more. "There's more, isn't there?" she asked.

Anders squeezed her hands gently. "After the assault on the Templars, the situation between the Order and the mages became increasingly difficult. One Templar in particular, the one responsible for making my friend Karl tranquil, had begun pressuring his superiors to embrace his warped theory that any mage with a disciplinary problem should be made tranquil. When he was denied backing from the Knight Commander and the Chantry, he took matters into his own hands."

"Maker," Elaine whispered, shivering at the thought.

"I organized a mage underground, helping as many mages as I could escape the Gallows before this man got his hands on more innocent people, who just happened to have been born with magic. Hawke assisted me on one of these missions, and we were confronted by the man himself." Anders took a deep breath as he filled her in. "It was Alrik, Elaine. He was here, in Kirkwall, torturing mages into submission."

Elaine felt her blood run cold after hearing the name of the one man who'd haunted her past. "You said was," she noticed. "Is he gone?"

"He's dead," Anders confided. "When I saw him… Justice took over before I could do anything. They had cornered a mage that was trying to escape. A young girl. We killed dozens of Templars who'd followed Alrik and his ideas. The anger inside me, at remembering how he'd slipped my grasp in Amaranthine, Justice was fueled by it and I couldn't control him. Hawke tried, unsuccessfully, to get Justice to release me. Trapped in such fury and hate, fueled by it, Justice killed the innocent mage." Anders wiped a tear from his cheek. "It was only when Justice realized what he had done that he let me go, but by then her blood was already on my hands."

Elaine didn't know what to say to comfort him. She felt her own guilt, knowing that she was partly to blame for the hatred Anders held for Alrik. "You weren't in control Anders," she tried. "It was an accident."

"You seem to be the only one that can control him," Anders pointed out, ignoring her sympathy. "Had I not left you, or brought you here with me, you would've been able to stop him. You were right; I shouldn't have left. Together we could've worked on this." He pulled his hands away from her and stood. "My own foolish stupidity caused that girl to die."

Elaine got off the bed and went to him, grabbing him by the arms. "You can not allow this guilt to consume you Anders. It was an accident. You can't blame yourself because you left. If it wasn't for my history with Alrik, you may not have been as angry as you were. 'What if' is a dangerous game to play, so don't."

He looked down at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes, and knew she really believed what she said. For him to believe it though would be much more difficult. One of his hands dared to touch the ribbon hanging from her neck and followed its soft texture to her cleavage where his earring rested, sparkling in the soft light. He caressed the earring at first, and then her exposed skin. Having her this close, with her hands on him, Anders lost all control and finally gave into what his body had wanted since she'd walked into the bar. He pressed his lips on hers firmly, licking them until she allowed him entrance, and closed his eyes at the familiar feel of her tongue sliding on his.

She didn't resist. Instead she put her arms around him, pulling him closer until she felt no space between them. Their soft kissing turned into a panting need, desperation and longing driving them to a passionate frenzy. Without warning, Anders suddenly felt Justice pushing toward the surface, and he quickly pulled away from her.

"I'm sorry," Anders managed as he fought in desperation to control the spirit within. "I can't," he whispered as he saw the confusion in her eyes.

"He won't allow it," Elaine stated as she went to him, ignoring his attempts at distance. Anders responded with silence, and Elaine knew that things had changed. It seemed Justice was more in control, and Anders was struggling to hold onto himself. She brought her hand to his face as he closed his eyes. "Let him through," she asked.

His eyes opened wide and he pulled away from her again, moving toward the opposite side of the bed. "No," he cautioned. "I wouldn't dare."

"You said yourself I was the only one who could control him. So let me. I wish to speak with him."

"You don't understand," he pleaded. "He's no longer the Justice you and I knew. He is nothing but a vengeance within me, and I fear what he may do to you. Please don't ask this of me."

Elaine sat on the bed once more and submitted to his request. "Does he understand I wouldn't harm either of you? Is it even possible for you to communicate that to him?"

Anders dared to sit across from her but kept some distance between them. "I guess the best way to explain it, is he feeds off my emotions. He knows you are a distraction, and it seems he will do all he can to keep me focused on the bigger picture."

"And what is the bigger picture, exactly?" she asked, needing to know what was going on in Anders' head so she could work around it.

Anders thought for a moment, face turned away from her, as he reminded her of the past. "I told you once one of the reasons Justice and I wished for the joining; I wanted to be able to protect you, and provide freedom for all mages. Create a future where those born to magic wouldn't suffer as we have." He took a breath of courage before filling her in on their plan. "I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. The world needs to see that the Circle is no solution to this never-ending war between us and the Templars."

"I agree with you Anders," Elaine tried. "You know this. What is so different now?"

Anders appeared to struggle internally with his decision to be completely honest. "What I am about to tell you must go no further. I need you to swear to me, if you ever loved me, if you still have those feelings, that you will never tell another soul."

She placed her hand on his. "Of course, you can tell me anything. I hope you still believe that."

Anders felt passion swell within his chest - passion for his cause, and for someone who believed in him and was willing to listen. "Some things matter more than my life, more than either of us. The Chantry must be forced to take a side, and that will only happen if I force their hand." A glimmer of Justice emerged as he spoke. "Years of endless compromises have gotten us nowhere. If the Chantry does not pick a side, our side, we will be forced to remove them completely and fight this war on our own." He softened his gaze upon her. "And if I pay for the destruction of the Chantry with my life, then I pay. Perhaps then Justice will at least be free."

Elaine felt a stabbing pain in her chest from his words, as she attempted to take in everything he had just said. "You are planning to destroy the Chantry? Here in Kirkwall?"

Anders closed his eyes and bowed his head, confirming her statement with his silence. He waited for the her to respond, and when she didn't, he dared to look at her. Her eyes were filled with confusion, looking everywhere but at him, yet he felt a weight had been lifted from within himself, because he'd at least let her know what his future held. "You understand now why I push you away. You are a mage, and association with me will put you in unnecessary danger. You are the Warden Commander, one who cannot possibly get involved in the politics of Templars and mages. I have left the Wardens, left you, and have nothing else to lose."

"You still have me Anders," she whispered. "But this… this is too much. They will kill you!"

"I have no doubt they will. And so we must say goodbye now, and you must flee from Kirkwall before the war begins. I cannot bear to see you harmed again because of me." He stood and looked out the window, hearing her breathing become heavier as the anxiety built within her. "I promise you, this is the last time I will ever have to hurt you."

"Your promises apparently mean nothing. You and Justice," she spat, anger and pain washing over her. "You promised to create a better future for both of us. Justice promised to take care of you, to honor our friendship, even after he joined with you. Both of you are breaking those promises!" She leaned forward and held her face in her hands, as her anger gave way to sorrow. "I can't go through this again Anders, please…" she begged. "I can not lose you again!"

He placed his hands on her cheeks lifting her head, as he had done so many times before, and bent down to kiss her softly on her quivering lips. "I am so sorry my love," he said as he withdrew and walked toward the door. "You once told me that being a Grey Warden meant that with war comes sacrifice. This is my war, and I am willing to be that sacrifice." He took one long final glance at her, at the tears in her eyes and the pain which threatened to break free. "Please understand, I must do this," he tried one last time to make her understand, fighting himself when he only wanted to run back to her and beg for her forgiveness. But Justice reminded him: for her safety, for her freedom, they had to let her go. He closed his eyes as his own heart broke all over again, and left quickly before he could change his mind.

She stood up and went to the door, staring at it for several minutes; waiting, hoping that he would realize he'd made a mistake and would return to her. But she knew deep down he wasn't going to. The taint that flowed within their blood grew weaker with every beat of her heart, until she could no longer feel his presence.

It was in that moment she collapsed on the floor, as her legs finally gave out on her. She fell onto her side, brought her knees up to her chest, and cried harder than she had ever cried before. Elaine knew he'd spoken the truth, knew he was going to give up his life for this crusade. With Justice driving their cause, there was no way to stop him; her love would be dead soon, and go down in history as a hero of mages.

And she would be alone.