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"You definitely need some new clothes Emma." Michelle glared me up and down when we left the school to go shopping in the afternoon. "Keena did too when you and Lily couldn't come with us. But as you can see." Michelle gave a wave to our brown- haired friend who was wearing a dress now again. "Now it's your turn. Oh, and of course Keena's too. You can't have two dresses and just switch in between them from day to day."
Keena didn't answer. She hadn't actually answered verbally too much these past couple of days.
When I looked back at this afterwards I wouldn't ever be able to understand how I didn't see what was going on. That all of this should have been stopped before it had even started. That everything that I loved had changed only because of one single person.
"And we can use my dad's credit card all we want so you don't have to worry about the price. Dad lets me use it all I want since he feels bad about having to make me move here all the way here from Hawaii. And besides, he owns a huge company and makes all the money in the world."
The main street of town was only a few blocks away from school so we could walk the whole way. And during that whole way Michelle didn't shut up for one second about what stores we should go to or what kinds of clothes of what colors we should try out and what stores we could absolutely not go to.
"I am never going to one of those cheap- price stores or thrift shops. I'd rather die than doing that. Anyway, here we are. At the mall. Follow me…" I and Keena followed her into the mall and Michelle looked through the dresses outside a store that I absolutely never had been into. And never could afford anything from. "How about this one Ella?" She held up a dress with a dark and light blue pattern on the skirt and light blue top.
"I don't usually wear dresses."
"Well neither did Sheena when only she and I went. Geez. Why can't you just try something new instead of just saying that you don't usually wear something? Here Sheena." Michelle held up the dress she had just shown me. "I think it would suit you even better than Ella."
"My name is Keena." Keena corrected tiredly. "And her name is Emma."
"Yeah, yeah… Keena. That's a weird name. And I always hated the name Emma. I couldn't ever get how anyone could name a child that. Emma- eurgh! Poor baby."
I and Keena glanced to each other while Keena took the dress Michelle had reached her. None of us were sure of what to do or say. Maybe we didn't even notice what Michelle really was saying to hers.
"And then I never got names like Lily. Or Poppy or Grace or Faith- having a word like a name like that is just… wrong."
"Is this nice?"
I picked something out mostly on random to take anything at all that wasn't a dress and interrupt Michelle with anything so I and Keena got the chance to speak at all. When I looked down holding it in front of me I saw a knitted, turtleneck sweater with wide black and white stripes. It wasn't too bad actually.
"Not bad. Try it on."
That shirt was only the first piece of clothing tried on in between the three of us. It was also the first piece bought with Michelle's dad's credit card. And so was a bunch of dresses for Michelle herself. A pair of shoes and a jacket for Keena- that both looked like something she'd never have worn before. And at last each smoothie at the café on the top floor of the mall.
You get yourself home, right now young lady. We've got some talking to do.
I had turned my phone off not to have it beeping all the time. But while we sat still and Michelle and Keena for the millionth time only today were talking to each other not shedding me a look. I had to check my phone to find messages and missed calls
Five missed calls from dad.
Twelve missed calls from mum.
I am literally furious with you right now. You get yourself home right now or you'll be grounded for the rest of your life.
"Are you coming Ella?"
Well, by now mum and dad could probably not become angrier anyway. So I might as well stay out instead of going home to get the world's longest lecture.
I have never been so angry. You come home RIGHT NOW.
"Actually girls…" I said while Michelle was leading us to another store, more expensive than the other. "…I don't feel very well. I think something might have been in that smoothie we had. I think there's a bus leaving for my area right now so. Bye, see you tomorrow."
"If you have got some kind of stomach flu and come to school with it I'll kill you."
Without any responses to what Michelle shouted after me I hurried down the street and up to the bus stop just as number eight pulled over. The bus that could take me to my street.
Why did we have to live so close to town instead of out in the middle of nowhere? The road was just way too short before I stepped out of the bus and searched through my pockets for my keys on the way up our street.
Maybe if we had lived further away from town I would have had time to wonder about what I should say when I walked up the hallway and into the kitchen where mum and dad were waiting for me. Because when I did, and dad started talking I surely didn't have a smidge of an idea of what to say or do.
"From now on, I will personally drive both you and Ethan to school in the morning. As close to the doors as I possibly can and I will not leave until I see the both of you get inside. After school, Ethan's free to do what he wants but I will wait at the very same spot and drive you straight home."
"But dad." I tried as carefully as I could trying on my best puppy eyes. "Won't you have to work then? You don't want my trouble to take time of your work do you?"
With something that sounded more like a growl than a sigh dad turned away from me and leaned against the kitchen counter. I could see the knuckles on both of his hands having whitened it was so hard and boy he was angry.
"What did you buy?" He nodded to the bag in my hands. "Because the last thing you're allowed to do right now is shopping. So whatever it is, no matter how comfortable or pretty you're taking it straight back to the store."
"It's just a shirt." I nervously fidgeted where I stood. "And I didn't keep the receipt. I was with Michelle and she could use her dad's card for it." Dad turned again and put his head in his hands. Mum still hadn't said a word. "It's really nice. You can see it if you like. I can go upstairs and change in just a sec…"
"You're not going anywhere." Dad interrupted after I had tried taking half a step. "And talking about Michelle. You're not seeing any friends when you get home for the day…"
"Not even Lily?"
Mum and dad both stopped to think. Earlier times I had been punished I could still bring Lily over or go to hers to do homework or hang out. After all she was my best friend and we'd spent as good as every day together as far as we could remember.
"We had a phone call from her earlier. And to her it seems like you wouldn't want her here either. Because apparently you've been ignoring her too."
Oh damn!
"Look! I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"But it did. And you did it. So now it's up to you to sort all of this out and take the consequences. And upon your friends, when you get home from school we'll take your laptop and your phone away. You can't watch TV."
"BUT."
"No buts."
I bit my lip and forced away the lump rising in my throat. There was that voice in my head telling me I knew very well I deserved all of that. But only because I deserved it and had screwed up I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
"You're also grounded and can't go out during afternoons or the weekends."
"For how long?"
When I finally got a moment to say anything at all it were only three short words. The one question I had wondered all along. And I could see on the way mum and dad were looking at me with dark eyes I wasn't getting away from this.
"Until we say you're done." Dad answered me. "Or…" He looked to mum for a split second. I guess something must have been said in between them that I couldn't hear. That no one could hear except for themselves. "Or you find a way to make this right. And that's it."
"But how? It's not like I can go back in time and change the past few days."
"Well, that is up to you to figure. Now go to your room."
Usually mum was the talkative one. Suddenly I noticed that mum hadn't said anything except for the last sentences. Now, what would that mean?
It did look a bit as if mum was just too angry to find the right words.
"Go to my room? I'm not five years old."
"Don't push it young lady." Mum answered and pointed with her whole arm up towards the stairs and my room. "Go to your room. Now."
I would have wanted to protest more. But seeing the dark look in both of my parents' pair of eyes I just nodded, and looking to the floor not to have to see anything else turned towards the stairs and left them. Feeling their visions burn in my neck as I left.
Every step felt like a million years long and the soles of my shoes hit each stair hard enough to cause an earthquake. Then at last I turned left after the top of the stairs and quieter than ever before walked into my room and closed the door after me.
For what must have been a year or two I stood on the middle of the floor, in the middle of my room and only stared through the window without seeing what was outside. I wanted to be angry, but knowing I got myself into this I couldn't be. I wanted to cry but I just couldn't. Then I wanted to blame Ethan, Lily, Poppy, mum and dad.
Yet the thought was always in the back of my mind that this was only my own fault. Lily had nothing to do with it. Nor Poppy or mum or dad. Maybe Michelle and Keena but still the problem was mine and not theirs.
In an unsuccessful attempt to try and think of something else than the blame I opened the plastic bag in my hand and pulled up the shirt.
All of a sudden it was nothing but the ugliest shirt I'd ever seen.
By the way. I love thrift shops. They're the best. I got like all of my favorite clothes from them.
Random fact
I was actually thinking just that what Michelle says. Like a name that's a word has got to be a bit weird. Like Lily or Poppy or Grace (I love those names by the way) But then I suddenly remembered my own name Linnéa which means twinflower in Swedish. So I was like… wait a minute hahaha.
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