AN: I'm not really sure what constitutes a chapter as filler, but this might be it. I like it. It answers a question some of you have had. But mostly it's just part two of what had been a way to long chapter.
Sorry it's a day late! I ended up getting commissioned to restore a 120 year old coat. Plus working excessive amounts of over time and not trying to make my underlings cry.
I'm excited to write next chapter, but I wouldn't expect it before next Monday. If it comes earlier than that, excellent. It will be my first foray into smut of sorts. Not full blown smut. So constructive critisism from all of you who write way better G!P than I do would be awesome. Also feedback this week.
You will all tell me if/when it starts to get too dramatic and we need to reign it in a bit won't you? Maybe I just need to talk through this outline business with someone. I really am nervous about it. Anyway. You're probably not reading this. Have fun with the chapter let me know what you think.
The only day that Brittany thinks she has ever been more prepared for class was the first day, and that's only because they didn't do anything. This is the first day she's felt prepared though, and she knows why. Santana. Today is the first day she's felt like maybe this was possible. Maybe she could keep her grades up and stay in school and become a dancer. Be with Santana. She hoped anyway. Her thoughts were kind of monopolized by the girl right now, and it took everything in her to just focus on the teacher. She'd see Santana shortly for lunch.
Class always took a lot out of her. She always felt like the teachers were making her do two opposite things by making her write to take notes, and making her listen. She's pretty sure she has had a head-ache after every class.
When she gets to the dining hall she sees Santana leaning up against the building wearing skinny jeans and a grey loose v-neck shirt with a scarf on. Her hair was straight and she was wearing sunglasses. Brittany honestly thought she looked like a model out of a magazine. And how she got this lucky to even know Santana, let alone be the center of her affections, she won't ever know. Karma she thinks. Because she saved that bird that one time in high school.
By time Santana sees Brittany she's just feet away from her. She stands up straight and smiles at her. She laughs at herself because she swears when Brittany walks towards her like that, she hears slow romantic music in her head and Brittany is back lit like some cheesy 80's movie. But that's just Brittany, so beautiful she practically glows with it. She laughs at herself again. So fucking cheesy she thinks. She shrugs at herself and reaches her hand out to take Brittany's and pull her in tight wrapping her arms around her lower back.
"Good afternoon beautiful." Brittany giggles in response and kisses Santana's cheek. They go inside, get food, and sit down. "How was class B?"
"I turned in my homework. That was exciting. I don't know, it's just so hard. I sit there and try to listen and take notes but how does anybody do both at the same time? Then I get distracted and several minutes later I've made a list of things to get from the store and completely lost track of the lesson." She takes a big bite of her lucky charms.
Santana thinks about that for a second. She hasn't ever had a problem taking notes and listening at the same time. In fact, don't you have to listen to take notes? She wonders if Brittany maybe has a learning disability, but she doesn't know how to ask. She figures even if she did, she probably wouldn't know because clearly nobody has ever cared enough to get her tested. The thought breaks her heart. Nobody cared enough to do something relatively simple that would have made her life so much easier.
"I'm sorry babe. Anything I can do?" She asked genuinely. She'd do anything she could.
"I think you're already doing a lot for me. And, by the way, you look hot." Santana ducked her head.
"Thanks. You too B. Always."
After lunch as they were heading out Santana's phone beeped. She pulled it out of her pocket. "Gross. Storm warnings for the rest of the day in to the night." She put her phone away.
"I hope I brought an umbrella to school with me. I can't remember."
"Do you need to go somewhere after classes?"
"Nope. Just the LGBTA meeting. You are going right?"
"If you're going to be there, definitely. Can I pick you up so you don't have to walk in the rain either way? I don't mind driving. Parking is free."
Brittany liked the idea of arriving with Santana. She wanted people to know that they were whatever they are, specifically, that Santana was off limits. She nods her head. "Ok, thank you."
"I'll probably have Quinn, Mercedes, and Sam with me. Fair warning."
Brittany laughed. "I like all of them. They're nice. I feel bad I haven't met Sam for gym time this week I'm just so busy." Santana nods. She could suggest that they spend less time together so that Brittany can go to the gym with Sam but she doesn't really like that plan. She wants to hang out with Brittany. Plus have you seen that body? She doesn't really need to go to the gym in the Latina's opinion.
"I gotta run Britt. Class and then I promised Sam and Mercedes I could take them on some errands. So I'll see you tonight." She leans in and kisses Brittany softly. Brittany hugs her and kisses her once more before letting her walk off in the opposite direction.
After her afternoon class Brittany walks back to her dorm, it starts raining just as she got back. Good timing she thought. She gets upstairs and sets her homework on her desk. She was going to go to the library for a little bit but it's raining and she thinks maybe she can do her homework without leaving the room. She briefly considers calling her parents. She hasn't heard from them since they dropped her off. She decides against calling but sends her Mom a text.
To Mom: Hope you guys are doing good at home. I'm doing pretty good. Making new friends.
She doesn't know what else to say so she just sends it. Part of her wants her mom to call her. She wants to know that her mom cares. But she knows her mom won't care, so she tries to let go of that delusion quick. After a few minutes of checking her phone every few seconds, she can feel feelings of rejection prickling in her mind. So instead of letting them get the better of her, she texts the one person she knows will text her back if possible.
To Santana: Just wanted to say I miss you. Class was ok. Hope you errands are going ok.
She lays the phone on her stomach and barely waits a minute before it vibrates. The feeling against her stomach brings comfort, quickly chasing away the cold feelings left by her mother's lack of response.
From Santana: I wish you were with us. They're holding hands and kissing and I miss you. Any more homework? Want to work on it tonight or wait till the weekend? Are we still on for ducks? Clearly I miss you.
This is what being wanted feels like.
To Santana: I wish I was there too. Yes, more homework. No, not tonight. I need a break. And always yes for ducks. Are we going out after the meeting tonight do you know?
After she sends the message she has a moment of panic, she was being presumptuous. Santana could already have plans. Why was she assuming that those plans included her?
To Santana: I'm sorry I assumed I was included in your after meeting plans. You probably already have plans or something.
She hoped Santana wouldn't be angry or frustrated with her. When she received the reply text she knew she wasn't. She should have known Santana wouldn't be frustrated over something like that. She was trying to learn, trying to remember that Santana wasn't him. And Santana doesn't get mad over stupid things.
From Santana: Do you want to go out? I don't have plans that don't involve you as long as you want to be involved in my plans.
From Santana: Wait. What I meant to say was I don't have any plans. Do you want to go to coffee afterwards? Mercedes and Sam said they're in. That was the more normal way to phrase all of that. : )
Brittany was struck with an overwhelming urge to be able to hug Santana right now.
To Santana: I'd love to. Go have fun with them, text me when you're on your way back.
From Santana: If you insist. But I still wish you were here.
Brittany got up off of her bed intending on going for a short walk while the rain seemed to be just barely holding off. But as soon as she got halfway to the door, Rachel came bustling in.
"Brittany! While I know you don't have near the training or talent I have, due to limited options, you will have to do. Can you please listen to these four songs and tell me what you think." Brittany sighed and sat back down, it's not like she had anything better to do.
Santana hates rain. Seriously hates it. Well, no. She actually mostly likes it. Except when it's the thing that stands between her and Brittany. She's not going to make it back in time to get her. Or if she is, they'll be a little late. Maybe they can just skip it and stay in and watch a movie. She's starting to get lost in a day dream when her phone goes off. Hoping it's Brittany she looks at the screen and deflates, but only slightly.
From Q: Bitch. Are you guys going to make it back in time?
To Q: If we do it will be only just. And then we've got to pick up you and Brittany.
From Q: Can Brittany and I just meet you guys there?
To Q: I'm not letting her walk! It's raining!
From Q: Gee thanks. But not what I'm talking about genius. I can go get Brittany and meet you guys there. My car is fixed and I need to run to the store anyway I can just grab her on the way back.
Santana frowns. She wanted to pick Brittany up. She wanted to go to the meeting with her. She shakes her head, she is being childish.
To Q: That will work. Just text her first so she knows. Or I can if you'd rather.
From Q: I am capable of texting her. You're getting soft Lopez.
She smiles because it's a little bit true, and it's only ok that Quinn says it because it's Quinn. She's allowed to notice things like that about Santana and it not be a big deal. But maybe, she has a sneaking suspicion, that it would be ok no matter what because, well, Brittany.
Brittany has just finished listening to the four songs for a second time because she made the mistake of saying that she didn't remember what the first one sounded like by time she got to the fourth. Which, now having heard them all twice, she thinks maybe she just heard eight different songs because none of them sounded familiar. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, she quickly pulled it out looking for any form of distraction.
From Quinn: Hey Brittany, it's Quinn. Santana is running a bit behind so I'm going to pick you up for the meeting. But I was wondering if it was ok for me to come early to get you. Are you ready now?
To Quinn: I am. Everything is ok with San though right?
From Quinn: Yes, she's fine. Just late. I'll be outside in two minutes.
"Oh sorry Rach I got to go, lost track of time. Sorry!"
"Wait which one was best?"
"Uh…three." She answered arbitrarily. Because honestly, she couldn't remember which was which if she had to. She grabbed her keys, phone, and her wallet and ran out of the door. By time she got out there, Quinn was waiting.
"Hey Brit, sorry for short notice."
"Nope it's all good. My roommate was singing at me. I was glad to leave." Quinn smiled a tight lip smile at her. Brittany always felt a little nervous around the other blonde. Quinn always looked at her in a funny way, like she was somehow suspicious of Brittany.
"So the reason that I picked you up early is because I have wanted to talk to you now for a few days but I haven't had an opportunity. This one kind of fell into our laps." Brittany nodded like she understood. She had no idea where this was going. "What are your intentions with Santana?" Brittany stared at her blankly for a moment. She intended to make her smile? The question is confusing.
"What?" She guessed if nothing else that answer would buy her a few more seconds to think.
"What do you want with her? Why are you with her?" Well those were easy questions to answer.
"I want to be around her. And because when I'm around her she makes me smile, and I make her smile." Brittany nodded as if to say that was her final answer. Quinn did her best to not roll her eyes. Is this girl for real? To sweet, she thought. Maybe straight forward would be the best approach.
"You're not with her for some cruel joke are you?" Brittany shook her head emphatically to the negative. She'd never ever do something like that. She was so thrown by the question she lost all words she might have used to defend herself. "And you're not doing this because of Santana's…addition. You don't have some fetish or something?" Now Brittany was completely confused. Why was Quinn asking her these things? She knows she shouldn't be offended because Quinn is just watching out for Santana. And she's not offended. But her feelings are a little hurt.
She looks down into her lap, nodding her head slower this time. "I'm not really sure why you think I could do those things but I promise I'm just here because I really like her, and I want to make her happy. I'm sorry if I've done something wrong." Ok. Quinn felt bad now. Brittany clearly was being honest about her intentions, and then on top of that she upset her. Santana was going to be pissed, but Quinn needed to do it to feel ok about the situation.
"You didn't do anything, I just watch out for her that's all. She's my best friend. I'm sure your friends would do the same." Brittany sniffs. Is she crying? Oh no Santana really is going to kill her.
"I understand Quinn. You're a good friend. Can I get out now?" Quinn nods and then realizes Brittany isn't looking at her.
"Yeah. Brittany I'm sorry I" But Quinn was cut off by someone else opening her passenger side door. Santana pulled Brittany out of the car and smiled as Brittany hugged her.
"Hey B. Got back earlier than I thought." She felt Brittany nod into her neck and noticed she was hugging her a little tighter than usual, and her face was buried closer to her neck than usual.
"Everything ok Britt?" Santana asked concerned. She felt Brittany pulling away from her. When she looked at her face, she could tell she was upset about something.
"You know that I like you right? That it's not for any reason other than that you are you." Santana nodded. Her eyebrows creased in confusion. Where was this coming from. Then she looked down and saw Quinn deliberately not watching them with guilt written all over her face.
"Where is this coming from? What did Q say to you?"
"She was just being a good friend I just didn't want you to think those things were true and she just made me sad a little." Unacceptable.
"What the fuck Q? What did you say to my girlf-Brittany?" She almost slipped. She saw the side of Brittany's mouth quirk up in a smile, and Quinn's eyebrow arch. "What did you say to upset her?" She was mad. "All you were going to do was pick her up so she didn't have to walk in the rain? How did this turn into something else?" She's starting to yell. Her temper getting the better of her.
She watches Quinn open her mouth to give her what will probably be an explanation that will make her even madder. Just as she was about to open her mouth to cut Quinn off she feels arms wrap around her from behind and hold her tight. How can she be angry when all she can feel is Brittany all around her?
"Don't be mad San. She was just being a good friend. I'm ok. Can we go inside now it's starting to rain again?" And just like that, Santana was fine. With one last mean look at Quinn for posterity, she walks away with her hand in Brittany's. Unaware, or uncaring about the looks that Quinn, Mercedes and Sam are giving her and each other as they walk into the building.
When they got inside a bunch of people said Hi to Santana and asked her how classes were going and if she had any performances coming up. Santana answered them but her even when her focus wasn't directly on Brittany, it still kind of was. She never let go of her hand, and introduced her to some people that hadn't been there previous weeks or had forgotten each other's names by now.
They all sat together, but Santana noticed Quinn was quieter than usual. Good. She should be ashamed. Had she not met Brittany? How could she not know that she was the most genuine and sincere person Santana had ever met? She was also sensitive. How could Quinn's little I'm the best friend and you better not hurt her or I'll hurt you speech not hurt Brittany's feelings? Just as she was getting angry again she felt Brittany pull their hands up to her lips and place a small kiss on Santana's before lowering them both back to her lap. She hadn't even been looking at Santana when she did it. She was talking to Sam. How did she just know to distract her? Santana thought. Maybe luck. Or Santana was starting to think there was something to this crazy connection she felt with Brittany.
"Ok everybody let's get started!" Kurt clapped and yelled over the noise in the room. People settled down and took seats so the meeting could start. He announced a bunch of campus events that he thought sounded interesting. Then they talked about a speaker they were bringing to campus next month to talk about bisexuality. Brittany thought that could be interesting, to hear about how other people thought of being bi. She squeezed Santana's hand to show interest. The Latina looked at her and nodded.
"So, next order of business, the annual talent slash drag show. We've already booked the headlining drag acts, so now we just need to put sign up sheets out for anyone who wants to be in the show. You can win prizes, and anyone can do just about anything. There is a board set up to approve talent acts but pretty much anything that isn't to out there gets in. I'll email out the information tonight, and please let anyone else know that might be interested."
"Are you going to do it this year Satan?" Mercedes asked Santana who scowled at the nickname. Brittany just laughed.
"I don't know. You? Brit would you do it?" Mercedes said she was going to do it, and win this year. Brittany just shrugged. It could be fun to do something that she wasn't really doing in any of her dance classes.
"Maybe. But I'd like to watch you perform." Brittany replied sweetly. Santana blushed. She's not even sure why, but the effects this girl has on her are crazy.
"Santana aren't you kind of a drag queen? You've got a dick and you dress up like a girl and sing. Or…I guess you're more of a tranny?" Brittany is watching Santana's face as she hears Anna say this. She watches Santana's face fall. Santana looks at Brittany and shrugs as if to say it's no big deal. Everybody knew already, Anna made sure of that.
But it was a big deal. It was a big deal to Brittany because this was private business. Nobody was calling Anna out on her vagina. More importantly nobody was standing up for Santana. Nobody was kicking Anna out for blatant displays of discrimination and bullying. And she wasn't going to stand for it.
In the half second of dead silence that followed Anna's comment, Brittany made up her mind. "Isn't this club supposed to be about supporting each other, building community in a world that doesn't always accept us? Raising awareness, helping to stop bullying? But you let it happen right here in your own meetings. This isn't the first time she's said something and I've only been to a few meetings. I don't think this is an organization for me if they are going to be so completely hypocritical. She stood up to walk out but the President of the organization spoke first.
"She's right. Anna, one more comment from you during meetings and I will be forced to ask you to not come back."
Yeah now Quinn feels like a complete bitch. Making Brittany sad when clearly she cared enough to stand up to the entire group even when Santana was playing the comment off. She approves of this girl.
Santana looks at Brittany, eyes wide. Brittany is looking back at her adoringly. "It's ok San. I got your back."
"Thanks Britt Britt" She whispers. She's embarrassed that that went down, and shocked at Brittany's response to it but mostly she's just acutely aware at how hard her heart is pounding with all the feelings Brittany gives her.
The rest of the meeting goes by without event except the dirty looks that Anna kept throwing their way. Santana and Brittany didn't really notice, but Mercedes did, and she threw dirty looks right back, much to the amusement of Sam.
After the meeting the group decided to go to the coffee shop to hang out for a little bit. Brittany is glad to be spending more time with Santana but also really excited to be accepted into her group of friends. Quinn seems to be trying really hard to make sure Brittany knows she is included and accepted.
They walk outside and towards their cars, past a group of girls standing near the doors. "Stupid confused girl. Bet Santana makes a great transition for you from boys to real women." Anna meanly yells in Brittany's direction. Santana can deal with Anna's comments toward her. But she won't ever, ever allow someone to call Brittany stupid when it's clearly an issue she struggles with so deeply.
"What the fuck did you just say bitch?" Santana turned around faster than most of them had even processed what was said. Brittany heard though. How could Anna know she was stupid, she didn't even know her? The idea weighed heavy on her. One of her biggest insecurities was being called out to a group of new friends by a girl who didn't even know her. Was it that obvious?
Sam reacted the quickest after Santana. He grabbed her arm to hold her back from going after Anna but she wouldn't stop struggling to pull away. Quinn came over and stood in front of her, blocking Anna from view. "Brittany's sad Santana. Go fix that. Anna isn't ever worth it."
Hearing that Brittany was sad caused two conflicting reactions. One, at first she had just wanted to yell at Anna, maybe scare her a little, but now she wanted to kick the shit out of her. And two, she wanted to go comfort Brittany. The stronger emotion won out, and after flipping Anna off, she turned around to see Brittany head down, and shoulders hunched in defeat.
"Baby it's ok. I know that's not why you're with me. And I know you aren't stupid."
"You say I'm not stupid but it's obvious enough that she can call me out on it without even knowing me. And in front of everyone else too." Brittany's eyes start to tear up and Santana hugs her.
"B. You are not stupid. Nobody here thinks you are stupid. They all think she is, and you're right, she doesn't know you. She's just saying shit to get a rise out of us and it has nothing to do with you. She is just a bitch. Honestly. I've known her for a year now, and she's nothing but a bitch." Brittany felt better. Santana's words helped but the hug helped more. Her hugs were magic, Brittany decided.
She let go of Santana and nodded. Just then Mercedes came up and hugged her. "Don't listen to her Brit. We are you're friends, and we know she's an idiot." Sam nodded. And Quinn smiled at her. Friends? Brittany thought. She knew they were Santana's friends and that they let her into their group but she thought it was mostly just because Santana liked her. But maybe it wasn't just that, maybe they were her friends too. The thought made her happy. Good friends.
They got to their cars, Brittany with Santana and Mercedes and Sam with Quinn. Nobody discussed it, it just happened, which Santana was grateful for. A few minutes alone with Brittany might calm her down. She was still really angry. Santana opened the door for Brittany but before she got in she kissed her deeply. "I needed that." Santana smiled after they parted.
"Me too." Brittany responded and got into the car. Santana got in and they drove towards the coffee shop in comfortable silence. Brittany thought about how the day had gotten dramatic quickly but that it was going to be ok now. She also thought about something she had almost forgot about…Santana had almost called her her girlfriend. Brittany realizes how much she wants that. She wonders if it's to fast, she had sworn that if she were going to get into a relationship again, it would be carefully. But they were practically in a relationship already. Why not make it official? She'd love to call Santana her girlfriend. She'd love to be introduced to other people by Santana as her girlfriend. She sighed happily.
"What's up B?" Santana asked running her thumb over Brittany's knuckles.
"Nothing. Just happy."
"Good, me too." The Latina responded.
They pulled up outside the coffee shop and met the others inside. They got their coffee and all sat down at a table together. Sam was telling them a story about someone he had seen on campus wearing a helmet with a metal detector, and they were laughing when a thought, or question rather, came to Brittany.
"Why does Anna say such mean things about you?" Brittany asked Santana quietly trying not to let the rest of the group hear. But they did. She felt Quinn bristle beside her, desperately hoping it was in response to Anna, and not the fact that Brittany asked.
"For a really stupid reason." Mercedes answers. Santana figures that telling Brittany isn't really a big deal. Mostly, none of them really even understand why.
"Last year Quinn dragged me to my first LGBTA meeting because she thought I should meet some more accepting non-judgmental girls."
"Not such a good plan on my part apparently. But it seems to be working out ok now a year later." Quinn interjects, looking at Brittany with a small smile. One that Brittany returns gratefully.
"Yeah…I think so." Santana squeezed Brittany's hand. "But anyway, I met Anna. And of course my first introduction to her wasn't 'hi my name is Santana and I'm a girl with a dick' because who does that?" They all laugh a little. Brittany just squeezes Santana's hand. "And even though she was kind of a bitch, we hung out a few times, made out a few times. Then she started talking about wanting to be my girlfriend and stuff, and I didn't really like her that much but I'd never had a girlfriend and the idea was kind of exciting. So against the better judgment of Quinn, I'd decided to go that route. But first I thought I should probably tell her my secret. I figured she'd be ok with it. Lesbians are women who like women, and I am a woman. Plus she seemed really open minded, which isn't actually true but I had deluded myself into thinking so." Brittany thought that maybe Anna was the opposite of open minded. And really stupid herself, because who would pass up an opportunity to be with Santana, even though she's glad Anna did because now she gets the opportunity.
"So one night we were making out and watching a movie, and she goes to kind of move it beyond that point so I stopped her and told her that I had a penis. I told her that I was a girl, that my boobs are real and I've never had any cosmetic surgery but she didn't hear any of that. She just freaked out. She accused me of lying to her and all this stuff. Which, maybe I should have told her earlier but I honestly didn't think it would be a problem. And ever since then, she's been a bitch to me."
"That's the entire story, so you can see why none of us understand. Like, if it's really that big of a deal, then just don't date but being cruel? That's just ridiculous." Sam added in. They all nodded. It was ridiculous. And Brittany was glad none of them understood because she didn't either. The topic quickly moved on to the giant list of movies Brittany hasn't seen. Sam decided he would be making her a must watch list soon.
When it started to get late and everyone started to get tired, they decided to leave. Santana drove Brittany back to her dorm while the blondes' thoughts still on this whole girlfriend thing from earlier. She didn't know how to approach the subject. She also didn't want to ask Santana and then get rejected because it's too early or something. So she decided she'd just drop a hint. A really obvious hint. When they pulled up they sat in the car for a few minutes talking about potential weekend plans. Brittany leaned over and kissed Santana, relishing in the feeling of warm lips against hers. They fit perfectly together. They said their goodbyes and their goodnights and Brittany got out of the car. But before she closed it she leaned back in.
"I would be, you know." She said with a smile.
"Huh?" Santana was clearly confused.
"You're girlfriend. Goodnight Santana." She winked and closed the door. Walking up the steps to her dorm, Santana staring with a dumb expression on her face.
Wait, what? What does that mean? Does that mean she should ask? Or are they? Or was that Brittany asking or? Before her brain exploded, she knew she needed to talk this out with someone. Quinn was probably asleep. But she knew someone who definitely wasn't.
To Sam: Need advice ASAP. Coming over now.
From Sam: K. Putting pants back on.
Ew she thought. Why were his pants off? She put the car in drive and drove over to his house.
AN 2: Also did Santana telling Brittany she would like to meet her vagina make anyone else laugh from last chapter? Because it still makes me laugh. Who says that?