AN: Holy shit this is long. Um. Also, I tried this whole smut thing. I'm not really sure how it went. Because I refuse to reread it for two reasons. One, I will probably just delete the entire sequence and it's better to try and fail then to not try at all and I told you it'd be there and so it is. Also this chapter is 19 pages long. And I don't have the energy to reread it right now. So...if there are errors (which I'm sure there are) you could let me know, and I'll probably do some corrections tomorrow. But I was proud of getting it done when I told you guys there wouldn't be another chapter till at least Monday. And it's so much earlier! I was stressed, so I took it out on my keyboard.
Anyway. Please please please let me know what you think. I am overwhelmed in the best way possible by your responses and when my life gets less crazy I will respond to all of you. And remember, seriously guys, first time writing smut (if it even is really smut?) or anything like it ever. So nervous for you guys to read this.
Enjoy?
While Santana hated storms because they kept her from things she wanted (mostly Brittany, and really just today) Brittany actually really hates storms. And she'd been lying in bed listening to a huge one for two hours now. Rain wasn't so bad, that was easily dealt with by way of umbrellas and rain boots. But thunder and lightening scared her. But she was determined to just deal with her fear. She's had to since she can remember. Her parents never took kindly to what they'd call "irrational fears" and her sister wasn't exactly warm and comforting. So she dealt. Lying in bed she concentrated on other things than the flashing lighting and loud thunder.
She focused on the comfort of the star night light that Rachel had insisted they use because she didn't want to fall getting up in the middle of the night. Brittany had no arguments, she didn't really like the dark. Then she thought about Santana. She opened her phone to look at a picture she'd snuck of her at the coffee shop. She could do this, she could wait out the storm. Until a particularly bright lighting bolt and loud crack of thunder must have hit a power line or something, because the hallway light that she could see under the door went out, as did all of the little lights in their room that indicated something had power. And of course, the little star night light. All she had was the light of her phone.
She took a few deep breaths. She was shaking she was so scared. Rachel hadn't even woken up. She briefly considered waking her but decided against it. She didn't need her roommate thinking she was a baby. She could hear commotion in the dark hallways, apparently other people had noticed the lights were out. The thunder and lighting raged on outside, adding to Brittany's complete terror. She looked outside and from what she could tell it looked like the other buildings didn't have power either. But they had hallway lights it looked like. Why didn't they?
She got out of bed by her cell phone light and went into the hallway to see if anyone knew what was going on. Her floor RA came out to tell them that the power was out all over campus, and that for whatever reason their emergency generator hadn't kicked in for this dorm, and that they were doing what they could but it would probably be a while.
Brittany went back into her pitch-black room, still scared. She didn't know what to do. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, it was to dark, and she felt lonely and scared even though Rachel was right there. She wondered if Santana had power. Even if she didn't, she knew she'd feel better just being with the girl. But she didn't want to seem needy or clingy or like a baby. She wondered what would happened if the situation were reversed, if Santana were scared. Brittany would want to know, would want to help if she could. She'd feel bad if Santana didn't call if there was something Brittany could do.
She was still embarrassed though. So she decided to send one text. If she didn't get a response she'd assume the Latina was sleeping and just deal with this on her own.
To Santana: Hey San. How are you? Do you have power?
She went over to her bed and grabbed her laptop hoping that the light of the screen would comfort her a little bit, even if she couldn't do anything on it. But it was dead, of course.
Santana was sitting on the couch with Sam who had a battery operated light up globe (seriously who is this kid?) illuminating the living room. The storm had started to pick up about the time that she got there two hours ago. Since then they've just been talking about the current situation Santana finds herself in.
She told Sam what Brittany said, and asked him what he thought that meant. Sam assumed it was pretty obvious that Brittany wanted to be her girlfriend before she went and dropped that bomb of a hint. But apparently Santana is oblivious. Since then, they'd been discussing romantic ways for Santana to ask Brittany to be her girlfriend. She wasn't totally settled on any of them, but whatever it is, she knew it'd take a lot of planning. That's the kind of thing Brittany deserves.
She got the text from Brittany about twenty minutes after the power went out. Sam was trying to convince her to ask Brittany to be her girlfriend in Navi, and Santana was mostly ignoring him. "I think power must be out on campus too. I just got a text from Britt. Have you heard from 'Cedes? Does she have power?"
"Nope. Kurt has apparently lit eighty different scented candles. That probably smells terrible." Santana nods. She types back a response.
Brittany had taken to counting second between lightning and thunder to see how far the storm was. She wondered if that was even valid at all. Either way, she never got past five. It was crazy out there. Her phone vibrated and she knew without looking it was Santana.
From Santana: Hey boo. I'm ok, I'm at Sam's right now, but no he doesn't have power, and we don't have it at our apartment either. What about you? Power? Are you ok?
Brittany bit her lip. She could easily respond that she was ok, just bored because it was dark and she had no power, or she could be honest. She wanted to be honest. She didn't want lies to mess with whatever this was that they had.
To Santana: I really hate storms, and I really hate the dark. So I'm kind of scared. Plus our emergency lights won't come on so I can't sit in the hallway or anything.
Santana read the text with creased eyebrows. Brittany was scared. She didn't like that at all.
To Brittany: Well, I don't have power at my place, but we are at least allowed to have candles. I could come get you if you wanted. Or I could go buy you a flashlight or something and drop it off.
Santana sincerely hoped it'd be the first option, but knew that whatever she had to do to make Brittany feel better, she would.
The idea of spending the night with Santana, cuddling and safe made Brittany breathe a sigh of relief as she responded.
To Santana: Could I stay over? Are you sure it's ok?
She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that one, and was proven correct when she received a text less than a minute later.
From Santana: Absolutely. I'll be there in five. Wear PJ's.
Santana said goodbye to Sam who, of course, understood why Santana was leaving. He didn't want Brittany scared either. Plus, he was kind of tired anyway.
Brittany thought about packing school books and clothes but remembered that Santana had an earlier class than she did so she could just come back here when the brunette went to class and change and get her stuff. So she pulled sweat pants on over her little shorts, threw on some flip flops, and pulled the hood of Santana's hoodie over her head and made her way down to the front entrance using her cell phone as a flash light.
When she sees Santana's car pull up she runs down the stairs and jumps into the car as quickly as possible, trying not to let the wind take the door off.
"Thank you so much. I couldn't sleep or do anything because I was scared and there were no lights." Brittany breathes as soon as she gets the door shut. She's still shaking from left over fear, plus now she was wet and cold. "Which is kind of stupid because who's afraid of the dark?"
"You can be afraid of the dark, it's ok. I don't like it when I'm alone either. I don't really mind being in the dark as long as I have the option to turn on the light. But when that option isn't there, I get kind of freaked too." Which is totally true, she didn't stop running into her brother's room during power outages until she was at least fourteen. And he'd just laugh and let her sleep in his bed with him. "Let me turn up the heat, you look freezing." She turned the knob, and then because she wanted to and could, she leaned over and kissed Brittany gently.
Santana desperately wanted to ask about earlier but first she wanted to get Brittany warm, dry, and feeling safe. She didn't even know what she wanted to ask her. She knew she wanted to do something big and romantic for her, but she also kind of wanted to know if Brittany was serious or if it was a joke. She hoped it was serious.
She took Brittany's hand and drove towards her apartment. She went slowly because it really was bad outside. Not to mention there were down trees everywhere, guess that explains the power outage. When they got back to her house she used her cell phone light to get them in the front door. "Let me get some candles or a flashlight or something." She said trying to remember where any of those things were. Then the beam of her flashlight passed over a pile of candles and a note. She read it out loud.
"Santana, don't forget to blow these out before you fall asleep. Seriously, you almost set the house on fire last time. Love you bitch. Quinn" And under the note there were a dozen small candles, a lighter, and a small flashlight.
"She must really care about you." Brittany noted helping Santana grab some of the candles.
"She does. We both care about each other like sisters. We fight like sisters too though." She smiled remembering the events of earlier. She guesses she can't be too mad now.
"My sister and I fight a lot. But she doesn't really care about me. And I do care about her but she's never given me a chance or reason to show it." Brittany said nonchalantly. It makes Santana a little bit sad that Brittany doesn't have a good relationship with her sister like she does her brothers.
They head back into Santana's bedroom. Santana set the candles up and lit them all with Brittany's help. Then they decided to change into PJ's. Brittany really just needed to shed her, now wet, outer layer, so Santana went to the bathroom to change and brush her teeth. When she reentered the room she saw Brittany standing there in a slightly to short tank top, and shorts so small she thought they might be on the boarder of the differences between underwear and shorts. She is also lit by all of the candles and Santana can't help herself when she goes over to Brittany and hugs her tight and kisses her deeply, holding her tight.
When they need to part for air, they rest their foreheads together and sway gently back and forth. Santana lets herself think, just for a moment, how amazing it would be to call the girl in her arms her girlfriend, and just like that, she has to talk to Brittany about it.
"Earlier, what you said about you would be my girlfriend, what did you mean?"
Brittany pulled away just barely to look at Santana's face. "That I would be. If you wanted. That I want that." She answered quietly. This moment was starting to feel so big.
"So are we?" Santana responds lamely.
"I don't know, you didn't ask." Brittany responds and kisses Santana lightly.
"I want to. I do. I just, I was planning this romantic thing and there was probably going to be a speech about how amazing you are. And I don't want to ruin giving you this romantic scenario because you deserve it Britt. You deserve everything good."
"Look around you San" Brittany says gently. "Not that I need anything big and romantic, because all of that would be lost to the fact that you'd just asked me the best question anyone ever has, but this is pretty romantic. We're standing in a candle lit room, slow dancing to no music, after you just saved me from staying up all night afraid. That's the most romantic thing ever I think." Santana smiles and kisses Brittany. She hadn't even thought of that. This unplanned thing turned out to be pretty amazing.
"Brittany, would you please be my girlfriend?" Brittany responds yes into Santana's lips as she kisses her hard. One kiss leads to another and shortly they're making out. Santana's tongue darts out to trace Brittany's lower lip, making her moan softly. Brittany starts to push her back towards the bed. When Santana's legs bump the edge of the bed she slowly sits down pulling Brittany with her. Brittany's long legs straddle Santana's lap, as their bodies press tightly together continuing to kiss deeply.
Brittany pulled back from Santana slightly to catch her breath, immediately moving her lips down to Santana's neck. She kissed and sucked softly at the skin there, occasionally biting lightly.
Santana gripped Brittany's waist hard as if to ground her. She felt that unmistakable feeling and knew she was starting to get hard. She didn't know whether or not she should stop what was happening. She knew she didn't want to, but she didn't want Brittany to do anything she didn't want to, and she definitely didn't want to freak her out.
Brittany could feel Santana's dick stirring. She grinned into Santana's neck. She loved that she had the ability to make Santana feel this way. This felt amazing. Kissing Santana, touching her. It never had felt this way before. She didn't know it could. And while she knew she wasn't ready to have sex yet, she thought she might be ready for other things.
Just as she removed her lips from Santana's neck to re-attack the other girl's lips in light of her revelation, Santana pushed her away. "We should probably slow down. I don't want anything to happen before you're ready." Santana said breathily. Brittany could tell how badly Santana had struggled with the decision to stop what they were doing, which just made her more certain in her decision.
"San I don't think I'm ready for sex yet. But aren't there a bunch of other bases?" Santana cocked her head to the side trying to process what exactly Brittany had said and meant. Brittany decided to help her out. She reached her hands down and lifted her tank top over her head leaving her naked from the waist up. Santana's eyes went wide.
"Br- uh Britt are you sure?"
"I'm sitting on your lap with my shirt off. Please touch me. Or kiss me. But Santana, do it now." Santana leaned forward, putting her hands on either side of Brittany's face and pulled her into her, kissing her passionately. She slid one of her hands down Brittany's neck, then moved her hand to Brittany's back where she lightly ran it up and down for a few seconds. She then trailed her hand down to Brittany's abdomen, feeling the muscles quiver under her fingertips. She continued her upward journey until her fingers reached the swell of Brittany's breast and cupped it, gently massaging.
Brittany gasped into Santana's mouth when she felt her fingers graze her nipple before taking her whole breast in her hand. When Santana started to massage, she ground down onto Santana's hard on. Their lips parted, foreheads touching as Santana started to gently tug Brittany's nipple. Brittany closed her eyes and let herself feel what it felt like to be truly, truly turned on for the first time that she could remember.
Santana gasped as Brittany ground down on her dick again, thrusting upwards slightly. She opened her eyes when she felt Brittany's hands tugging at the hem of her shirt. She pulled back and lifted her arms slightly so Brittany could pull it off. Brittany placed her hands on Santana's collarbone and pushed gently, indicated to Santana to lie down. As she did she slid back, lying completely on the bed. Brittany followed, still straddling Santana's hips. She looked down at her girlfriend.
"You are so unbelievably beautiful Santana." And she was. Lying there halfway undone. Hair spread out around her, lips parted, pupils blown, chest heaving. Brittany didn't think she had ever seen anything or anyone quite so beautiful. She trailed all of her fingertips down Santana's neck, over her collarbone, over her breasts and down her abdomen. She then reached up and cupped both of Santana's breasts, which were considerably larger than her own. "I think you might be perfect." She whispered before leaning down to reconnect their lips.
Santana moaned and arched her chest up into Brittany's hands. She had never felt anything this amazing. Even if it didn't go beyond this, she'd be happy. She reached her arms up to run her fingertips down Brittany's ribcage, feeling her breath jump every time she traced over another rib.
Brittany started to kiss down Santana's neck and quickly moved down to trail her tongue along Santana's collarbone. She looked up to see Santana's eyes squeezed tightly shut and could feel the Latina's fingers gripping and ungripping her waist. She continued her downward journey, placing light kisses across each breast until she took her left nipple into her mouth and sucked gently. Santana moaned Brittany's name quietly. The blonde smirked as she switched to the right nipple, sucking slightly harder, and eliciting a slightly louder response.
She pulled away with a light pop as Santana's nipple fell from her lips, and moved so she was no longer straddling Santana. The Latina did her best to not look disappointed, but she supposes she failed, as she next heard Brittany chuckle lightly. She looked at the blondes face. Her hair was messy and half fallen out of the bun she previously had it in, but she was still the prettiest girl Santana had ever seen.
Brittany held Santana's gaze as she trailed her fingers down to the waistband of Santana's shorts. When the Latina realized what Brittany was doing, her eyes opened comically wide for the second time that evening. "Can I take these off?" Brittany asked, managing to sound innocent despite what she was requesting. Santana nodded. But then hesitated and put her hands over Brittany's hands.
"Could you maybe kiss me first? I just… I need a second." Brittany nodded and leaned down and kissed her as gently as she could. They were both nervous. For very different reasons. Brittany was nervous because she was traveling into activities that had always been a great source of discomfort for her, even if she currently felt the exact opposite of discomfort. Santana felt nervous because she'd never exposed herself to someone she cared so much about, and who honestly cared about her in return. The only other girl that had ever seen her naked had been someone who did it on a bet, and she hadn't even been completely naked.
After a few seconds of reassuring kisses, Santana gave Brittany's hands a gentle nudge, indicating that she was ready and then pulled her hands back up, gripping Brittany anywhere she could. Trying to keep the feeling of safety between them. For both of them. Brittany slowly pulled Santana's shorts down, not looking anywhere but Santana's face, smiling gently. When she got Santana's shorts down to her thighs Santana kicked them the rest of the way off. Brittany kissed her once more before letting her eyes travel slowly down Santana's body.
Santana closes her eyes, almost as if she's bracing herself against the negative words that obviously never come. She hears a very light gasp. She opens her eyes and finds Brittany looking at her, smile playing across her mouth, cheeks lightly pink. "You're bigger than I thought." Santana smiled in response. She knew she was above average (not that she measured or anything) but hearing it made some part of her feel good even though she wasn't really responsible for the size.
Brittany's hand had been resting on Santana's hip. She looked down again and traced some of the indented lines she saw, still there even though Santana had removed her compression shorts a while ago. "I hate that they hurt you." She mumbled, gently tracing a line across her abdomen. Then she slid her hand lower and grasped the base of Santana's cock.
"Britt-" Santana moaned unsure of what she meant to follow that with. She hissed as Brittany very slowly, much slower than the Latina ever stroked herself, stroked up towards the tip. When she got there, she ran her thumb slowly over the sensitive head, and across the slit. She watched Santana's reactions, trying to remember what she seemed to like. She seemed to like everything.
She slowly stroked back downwards and as she did, Santana's hips bucked up into her hand. Brittany smiled. This is amazing, she thought to herself. She didn't want to think about Tommy at all tonight, or ever, but she couldn't help but compare at least the feelings she got. This was amazing and wonderful and sexy and she was wet. Really really wet. She didn't think any of those things had ever happened with him.
She stroked back up, glancing back and forth between her hand and Santana's face. The brunette had her eyes shut tightly, and her bottom lip between her teeth, clearly holding back any noises she wanted to make. Brittany leaned her head down and nudged Santana's jaw line with her nose. "Open your eyes." She requested quietly. Santana complied and her brown eyes popped open, quickly locking with blue. She pressed her lips to Santana's and then whispered, "Does this feel good?" onto the Latina's lips.
"Oh God Britt yes." As she answered, Brittany squeezed slightly harder when she hit the base and drew her hand up with the increased pressure. A significant amount of precum was leaking out of the slit, and Brittany thought she knew what Santana wanted, so she started to go faster. Eyes still locked with Santana's.
Santana threw her head back as she felt Brittany's hand increase in speed. Nothing had ever felt this good, she was sure. She knew now that was true. It took every bit of self-restraint not to just buck up into Brittany's hand repeatedly. She reopened her eyes and saw Brittany staring intently at her face wearing a crooked smile with a look of what Santana could only describe as adoration.
Brittany slowed her strokes again for a moment, and released Santana's shaft, earning a quiet whimper from the Latina. She reached further down and lightly stroked her balls, noting how soft the neatly trimmed hair was. She grasped them lightly and Santana gasped. Brittany smiled, and straddled Santana's thigh so she could use both hands. She started to jerk Santana off again, watching the girls hands as they gripped her bed sheets hard with her eyes shut tightly, chest arched up in the air.
Santana tried to relax her body slightly. If she doesn't, she's going to cum soon. And she doesn't want to embarrass herself. So she tries to take a deep breath and relax. She opens her eyes to look at Brittany, which was a mistake. When she opened her eyes she saw her topless girlfriend, breasts bouncing with the movements of her hands, jerking her off while gently tugging her balls. She felt the tension in her stomach increase ten fold. She shot forward onto her elbows. "I'm gonna….gonna" And then she did, she came all over her own stomach, Brittany's hands, and much to her own pleasure (she's sure she'll use the image later) she managed to get a string of cum on Brittany's breasts.
Then the shame set in. She'd lasted what? Less than ten minutes? At least it wasn't like two strokes and then she popped off but still. She's trying to think of a way to tell Brittany that she swears she can make it last longer, than she was just really excited, and it's been a while, but she was saved from that awkward explanation.
Brittany leaned down so she was lying on top of Santana, cum and all. She had never seen anything so sexy in her life. Santana's face as she came, the way she looked at her directly after. "You are so sexy." She purred into the Latina's ear, kissing her there and taking her ear lobe in between her teeth. "So sexy Santana"
Santana liked the way her name sounded when Brittany said it like that. "Please kiss me" the Latina replied. It sounded a little more needy than she had intended, and she was definitely not thinking about her first time when the girl just got up and left. Or she was trying not to anyway. But of course Brittany wasn't that girl, and she definitely wasn't going to leave. She kissed Santana deeply. Trying to convey everything she felt. Which was a lot. She felt sexy, and she felt proud that she'd been able to do that to Santana, she felt amazing when Santana looked at her the way she did. She felt more than ok, she didn't know that she'd ever feel even just ok after any kind of sexual activity. She felt happy. She felt grateful. She felt comfortable.
She felt really wet.
Santana wanted to make Brittany feel good. She didn't really know anything about foreplay other than what she saw in porn, which she assumed wasn't super reliable. She desperately wanted to try. In order to do that properly, she wanted Brittany on her back. She wasn't going to flip Brittany like they do in cheesy romance movies. She thought if she tried, she might end up giving them both concussions by accidentally smacking their heads together, or accidentally flinging them both to the floor in her excitement. Plus, doing that didn't give Brittany the opportunity to say she didn't want to do that. She didn't want to force Brittany into anything. She thought maybe she should just be honest. She looked up into Brittany's eyes.
"Can I-" She swallowed hard, trying to swallow her nervousness. "Can I touch you?"
Brittany nodded demurely and Santana leaned up to kiss her, using her hand to gently guide Brittany by the shoulder to lie down on her back. Santana thought she looked nervous. Which Brittany, in truth, totally was. She knew that what was about to happen would be about her. Sex had never been about her. She didn't know how her body would react. She did know that she had never had an orgasm.
"Are you sure this is ok? We can stop if you're not ready." Brittany shook her head no. She was ready. She wanted Santana to touch her, the amount of sticky moisture she could feel was proof of that. Santana nodded and started to slide Brittany's shorts and underwear down. Brittany sighed when her over heated center was exposed to the much cooler air. She bit her lip nervously when Santana looked down at what she had just uncovered.
"Brittany you're beautiful. All of you. You're just….you have all over beauty." She rambled before cutting herself off by kissing Brittany. Brittany reached her arms up and pulled Santana tightly to her, feeling the comfort Santana's presence provided. She released her tight hold, and Santana parted their lips.
She ran her hand down Brittany's body, trying to go slow, but barely masking her enthusiasm. When she reached Brittany's belly button she veered off to the side to run her fingers down along the crease at her hip. Brittany's breathing was uneven, and Santana took that as a good sign. Before she went any further, she looked into Brittany's eyes once more, as if to ask for approval. Brittany nodded, and Santana ran her finger, very lightly, along her center. So light that she didn't even part her lips, a ghost of a motion. But Brittany felt it and bit her lip. She wanted Santana to touch her harder.
Santana ran her finger along the same path a second time, this time parting her slightly and smiling at the wetness she found there. She continued to run her finger gently up and down, occasionally dipping further. Then, with as much care as she could, Santana tried circling Brittany's clit, or what she thought her clit might be. The reaction was instant. Brittany bucked into her hand and reached out to clutch the Latina's shoulder.
Feeling braver, she ran her finger back down through her wetness, and entered Brittany just up to her first knuckle. She wasn't trying to tease Brittany. She just wanted to be gentle. She wanted to make sure that Brittany didn't have to tell her to slow down, or that she'd gone to far, because she wanted to make sure it never got to that point.
Brittany pulled Santana tightly into her again, whispering "More" against her lips as she attacked them with several small kisses. Santana sunk her entire finger in, Brittany's responding moan was encouraging. She started to move in and out a little faster, and just a little harder. She slowly slid her thumb up and started to gently circle Brittany's clit again. She developed a rhythm that Brittany was responding well too. She leaned down and circled one of her nipples with her tongue, adding to the blonde's pleasure. Brittany moaned her name.
Santana continued this rhythm, occasionally just fingering her, or just rubbing her clit. It felt amazing. After several minutes though, it felt like she was stuck. Like this ball of tension was stuck in her lower stomach and it was a frustrating feeling. She started to think to much and suddenly felt bad that Santana had been doing it for so long, she didn't want that Latina to get tired or sore or bored. Escpecially not bored. Because she was doing an amazing job. Brittany briefly considered faking it, but she didn't really know how to fake an orgasm since she hadn't had one, and had seen a few fake ones in movies but was sure that wasn't how it worked. So reached her hand down, and stilled the Latina's hand, pulled her finger out of her, and brought it up and laid it on her chest. She was breathing heavily, and felt empty at the loss of Santana's hand.
"Did you –um did you, you know. Cum?" Santana asked nervously. She was pretty sure Brittany hadn't. Unless nothing happened when girls with vaginas came. But she thought she'd probably at least be able to tell. Brittany shook her head no.
"Why did you stop me then?" Santana really didn't want to stop. She wanted to do it for hours. For days. Pretty much forever if Brittany would have let her.
"I'm not going to orgasm. I don't know how, I think my body is broken or something." Brittany tried to explain. "But it felt amazing. So amazing Santana." She said sincerely to the Latina. Santana felt like she was telling the truth, but still didn't really understand why Brittany had stopped her. She felt ashamed, like she couldn't perform well enough to make Brittany come. And she felt worried that Brittany had been uncomfortable. But Brittany just pulled her up so that she'd lie next to her, both on their sides, and laid her palm on the Latina's cheek.
"This was the most amazing night. I just made it to…whatever base we made it to with my incredibly sexy girlfriend." Brittany said and kissed Santana's forehead. Santana's heart sped up at the world girlfriend being said out loud. She repeated it in a reverent whisper. Brittany nodded and then kissed her deeply. When they parted Santana had a slightly uncomfortable thought.
"We should maybe clean up. I kind of…you know, all over both of us." Brittany giggled, and then nodded. "You can go first if you'd like." Brittany nodded, and got up. Santana felt a slight stirring while watching Brittany's very naked, very lithe body stand up. "Uh…you could wrap a blanket around yourself. Don't forget the flashlight" She handed Brittany the now very wrinkled sheet and pointed to the flashlight. After Brittany got back, Santana quickly ran and peed and wiped herself down. When she came back Brittany was sorting out her pajamas. Her heart fell. She'd been kind of excited to sleep with Brittany with all of their skin touching.
She picked up her shorts and threw them on and then went to throw her shirt on when she heard Brittany ask in a small voice "could we maybe just sleep like this?" Santana turned, still halfway through the motion of pulling her shirt overhead and saw Brittany standing there in just her underwear. "I just..I kind of want to feel you. It would, I just think it would feel really nice. And safe maybe." Embarrassed that she'd said safe, because it wasn't Santana's job to make her feel that way she continued. "Or clothes are fine, if you want. I just need to find my tank top."
"No B. This way is fine." She dropped her shirt and gently hugged Brittany. Their naked torsos pressing together tightly. She knew what Brittany meant by safe. Not that she felt unsafe, but that being naked with Santana made her feel safe in her vulnerability. She knew that Brittany knew she'd never take advantage of her. The thought made her heart swell with pride and understanding. She felt safe too. "Climb in bed and get under the covers, I'm going to blow the candles out. Will you be ok in the dark? Still no power." Brittany nodded.
"If you get in right after, I think I'll be ok." She responds as she climbs into the bed, waiting to pull the covers up until Santana got in. Santana blew out all the candles. She glanced out the window, it was still pouring and the wind was blowing really hard. She noticed that she hadn't heard any thunder since they'd started, but now it was back. She thought maybe she had just had better things to focus on. A particularly loud clap of thunder made Brittany squeak and Santana rushed to get into the bed.
In an uncharacteristically fluid movement on Santana's part, she slid into the bed, and pulled Brittany into her arms, both lying on their sides. "Everything is ok baby. I've got you." She kissed the top of Brittany's head. When Brittany calmed down she noticed that her face was pressed into Santana's cleavage. She smiled.
"I really love your boobs. Really, all of you you're my new favorite thing to look at." Santana laughed.
"I feel the same way about you." The Latina responded, pulling Brittany in tighter. Somewhere between lazy kisses and readjustments to their position to get just a little closer, the both fell asleep.
Sometime not long after they'd both fallen asleep, Santana feels Brittany shift quickly in her arms, and it wakes her up. Brittany wasn't awake though, as Santana had suspected, her eyes were still tight but moving rapidly, and her breathing was shallow. She had a scared expression on her face and was whimpering lightly. The Latina wasn't sure if it was discomfort from the storm that was still raging outside, or a nightmare, but she thought maybe she should wake her either way. "Brittany" she whispered. "Brittany wake up you're having a bad dream." Brittany didn't wake, so she said a little louder "Baby wake up". Brittany's eyes shot open.
"Wha?" She mumbled out.
"You were having a bad dream." Brittany was partially sitting up now, glancing rapidly around the room. "Brit come here." She pulled Brittany into her and noticed that Brittany was shaking. She ran her hand up and down her back in an attempt to sooth her.
"I'm sorry." Brittany mumbled. Santana looked to Brittany's face and noticed tears in her eyes. "I didn't mean to wake you."
Santana shook her head. "You can always wake me. I'm not upset B. What's wrong? Do you remember then nightmare?" Brittany nodded her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Brittany didn't want to taint their wonderful evening but she wasn't really sure she'd be able to fall back asleep right away. She never usually could. But maybe talking about it would help. She nodded her head. "It wasn't really a dream. Kind of a memory. One night my ex showed up at my house and he wanted to do stuff. But I told him I couldn't because I'd forgotten to take my pill. Which I hadn't forgotten. I just didn't want to do anything and I thought that might stop him. And he yelled at me and told me that there was a reason I was on the pill, and it was because he hated condoms. And that I was an idiot. I told him that I had been busy because of school, and I'd just forgotten, that he didn't need to be so mean." She took a deep breath. The fact that Santana was holding her so tightly she couldn't inflate her lungs all the way was not lost on her.
"So then he hit me and made me bite my tongue really hard and it bleed. Then he told me I was of no use to him, and left. That was the memory. In my dream, the only difference was we were standing in a field. And I was only in my underwear." Brittany's breath shook with the effort she was putting forth not to break down.
Santana couldn't hold back her tears. She remained silent for a few moments trying to make the crying stop. It wasn't her story. She didn't need to cry. But she couldn't help it. She cared so deeply for Brittany the idea that she hadn't been there to protect her, even though she didn't know her, hurt. The idea that there was a reason to protect her in the first place hurt. If she ever saw him, she was sure she'd rip his dick off. She was positive. Tears continued leaking down her eyes now in anger and sorrow. She kept her breathing even, and held Brittany to her as tight as she could.
"San?" No response. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you that. That's my business. I'm sorry." Santana gently shushed her.
"First" She said as evenly as she could "I want to know. I want you to tell me everything. No matter how I react. No matter how mad you think it might make me, or sad, I want to know. I want to know your past. I want you to feel better by being able to say it out loud." She took a deep shuddering breath. The tears falling faster now. She could not keep the tears out of her voice any more. "Second and most important-"Brittany looked up, her own tears falling now too. "I will never, ever hurt you. Ever. And I will remind you of that every single day until forever if I need to, and it's ok if you forget because anyone with your past might. But I will never ever hurt you B. Ever." Her sob broke loose on the last ever. And Brittany reached her neck up and kissed her. Their tears mixing together as they cried and kissed.
Eventually the tears stopped, and the kisses slowed. Brittany felt like she had a response stuck in her throat. Something she desperately wanted to say, and was positive she felt for real, but thought it was too early to say. She didn't want to scare Santana. Plus, she was kind of scared that she felt so strongly so quickly. So she settled for a different response. "I am the luckiest girl alive, my girlfriend is perfect." Santana laughed lightly, having the same internal debate as Brittany and also opting to not say it out loud. Because Brittany might think she was crazy for feeling so much so soon and she didn't want to lose her.
"My girlfriend is perfect too. Maybe they should meet." She laughed at her own joke a little. And then after a pause, "Hey Britt, can I ask you a question?" Brittany heard the hesitancy in her voice, but nodded yes anyway. "Did your parents know you were on birth control? Were you really on it just because of him?"
Brittany nodded again. "Yeah. When I told my mom I was seeing him, she put me on birth control. Then I decided I didn't like it. And I kept forgetting it. It made me kind of sick too. I lost my appetite. When I told Tommy that I thought I was going to stop taking it he got angry. He said I could probably do without a few meals, and that I wouldn't be going off of the birth control because he didn't like condoms. This was before I had completely given up on the idea that maybe he wasn't supposed to be treating me this way and I told my mom. She said most men hate condoms, and that I should be smart and responsible enough to remember a pill everyday." Santana could feel her blood pressure going up. Scratch the dick removal, she was just going to kill him. She could feel all of Brittany's bones. Not in a sickly skinny way, but she was very thin, and she never stopped dancing.
"After he hit me because I kept forgetting to take the pill, even though I hadn't that time, my mom saw the bruise. She asked what happened, I told her I forgot my pill. So she took me to the doctor, and got me the once a year shot. I didn't feel as sick. Which is nice. And my periods are really regular which is good for dance. But I read some of the side effects. I'm not as stupid as she thinks I am. One of the side effects is infertility. I really want kids someday Santana. And I'd be ok with adoption, I'd love them all the same, but knowing I can't have them because of him, or her makes me so angry. I told her. I told her I read the pamphlet. And I could be infertile. She told me to stop being over dramatic, and that it probably would be no loss to society if I didn't procreate." Brittany started to cry lightly again. Santana just held her close and listened. Who the fuck were these people? How did someone so perfect end up in their presence? Brittany was probably the only good thing that ever came from them.
"I would be a good mom I think. I think she's wrong."
"She's definitely wrong B. She's…I don't have words to describe her, not ones that I'm willing to say anyway. Do you still care about her?"
"I think so. She's my mom. I can't just not care about her. I just never really understood why they loved my sister so much and not me. I used to be sure it's because I'm stupid. Sometimes I think she cared. I think she got me the shot because she didn't want me to get hit anymore. And even after she told me it'd be good if I didn't have kids, when I found a better birth control option, she helped me get it. So now I have this little thing in my arm that will keep me from getting pregnant for a few years." While Santana knew this was just part of the story she was telling her, she couldn't help but feel like the undertone of the end of Brittany's last statement was 'don't worry, I'm still on birth control'."
"If you don't like that thing in your arm, or it makes you sick or anything… I want you to get it taken out if you want to. Ever. I will use condoms. When we get there. And we could take forever getting there if you wanted or needed. I don't want you to feel like you ever need to do anything to yourself to accommodate me. We are in a relationship. That means I take care of you, and you take care of me, and we compromise when we need to. But your body is not a compromise. It's your body. So if you don't want to be on any form of birth control, that's ok. We'll use condoms. Ok?"
Brittany nodded. Part of her wished she had always known Santana. That they had met in a sand box when they were five, and they played house, and got pretend married, and were girlfriends their whole lives. But then she wouldn't be who she was, and Santana wouldn't be who she was. And she might even take Santana for granted, which she knows that she could never do now. Not after she had been through what she had.
"Thank you for saying that. I feel like I don't deserve how wonderful you are. I think I'll stay on the birth control for now because I like the regularity. And I don't think I feel any negative side effects. But if I ever feel like I want to, I promise I will."
"Good. And you're pretty amazing yourself B." She tugged Brittany tighter to her, even though she was sure they were already as close as possible. Soon she felt Brittany's breathing even out, and drifted off to sleep herself.
The next time they woke, it was to Santana's cell phone alarm. She shut it off, and glanced at the battery, not much charge left. She had plugged it in last night hoping if the power came back on that it would charge. Apparently there was still no power. She felt Brittany start to trace patterns onto her stomach, it felt amazing. She knew they should probably get up, but she was having a really hard time making herself do that. She looked at Brittany, who's eyes were still closed but was now circling her finger around Santana's belly button at an irregular pace. Santana figured she was still coming in and out of sleep. She checked her email on the off chance that the professor, who never canceled class, did cancel it.
No email from him, but even better, campus still had no power, so it was closed for the day. No classes. No meetings. No rehearsals. She smiled and did a tiny celebratory dance. They got to start the weekend early. "Brit, you can go back to sleep. Campus is closed, no classes." Brittany murmured something and Santana took that has confirmation that she'd heard. She turned back onto her side, kissing Brittany's forehead. She lay awake for a little bit watching Brittany sleep and thinking that there's no way else she'd rather wake up. After a few minutes, she too fell back asleep.
The third time she woke, it was to kisses. Which is a very agreeable way to wake up. A very bouncy, mostly naked Brittany kissing all over her face was wonderful. She cracked one eye and caught Brittany smiling at her. "Morning baby." Her voice was gravely with sleep. She cleared her throat. "What time is it?"
"Eleven. I can't remember the last time I slept this late. But now I'm wide-awake. What do you want to do? Do you want me to let you go back to sleep? Or… I don't want to over stay my welcome do you want me to go home? I can. I don't want to. But I can. Or we…" Santana leaned up and kissed her effectively cutting off her hyper rambling. Who was this awake when they first woke up? If it was anyone else she'd by annoyed, but it's Brittany so it's just cute and endearing.
"You're always welcome, over staying is not even a possibility that's how much I want you with me. And we can do anything you want. We should eat something. Then do you want to go see the ducks?" Brittany squealed and flattened herself down onto Santana in what she assumed was a hug. Santana just laughed.
"YES! But I need to shower."
"Me too."
"I don't have any clothes here." Santana wondered how soon was to soon for her to suggest Brittany leave some stuff here. The way she was feeling right now she wished Brittany would just move in all together. She shook the thought from her mind.
"How about I shower here and get dressed. Then we can eat something, and then go to your dorm and you can shower and get dressed." Brittany nodded and rolled off of Santana, grabbing the Latina's phone as she did. Santana was amazed at the girl's coordination.
"You shower. I'll play Fruit Ninja." Santana smiled and got out of bed after kissing Brittany once more. She walked over to her dresser to get something to wear out, she looked back to the bed and noticed Brittany was laying on her side, head propped up on one arm, staring at her. Santana was suddenly very aware that she was indeed naked except her shorts. Brittany licked her lips. Santana's eyes got really wide.
"What? My girlfriend is really really hot." Santana blushed and tried to distract herself from the fact that Brittany was also completely exposed. She managed to not dissolve into any embarrassing boner situations, and made it to the shower. When she got out Brittany was sitting cross-legged on the bed in just the hoodie that Santana had given her, and her underwear. Santana liked this look very much.
Brittany jumped up and hugged the now clothed, clean, and makeuped Latina. "I look so sloppy next to you." She pouted, not completely seriously.
"Well this look is one of my favorites on you so don't call my girlfriend sloppy." She kissed Brittany, who just smiled and rocked back and forth on her feet. Then she saw her shorts and put those on.
"Oh, I left a present in your pictures on your phone." Santana was confused as to what that meant, but Brittany had just walked out of her bedroom so she picked up her phone and checked her photo album. Her jaw dropped ands he thanked whomever invented them for her compression shorts because what she saw definitely made her dick stir. It was a picture of Brittany, still just in her tiny underwear, with her arm draped across her chest only partially obscuring the view of her breasts. There was even visible nipple. Santana said a silent thanks to whoever was listening and made sure that was saved to both the phone memory, and her back up.
She walked out to the kitchen where she heard Brittany humming. She wrapped her arms around her and kissed the back of Brittany's neck. "I loved the present. A lot." Brittany just continued to hum.
"Good. I'm making us toast, caus we kind of can't use anything in the fridge. So peanut butter banana toast a la Brittany. Sound ok?"
"Perfect." She sat on the counter while Brittany finished the toast. They ate and then Brittany put her sweats back on and they went out to the car. Santana got a sudden idea. "Hey B. I'm just going to drop you off at your dorm, I need to run an errand." Brittany pouted only slightly but after Santana told her she would be outside waiting before Brittany could even finish getting ready, Brittany nodded and was all smiles again.
After dropping Brittany off she drove to the closest store, hoping they still had what she needed but thinking they were probably all sold out. She was really glad Brittany came over last night, obviously, but she wanted to do something that might alleviate some of the anxiety she had felt, just in case they were ever in a position where Santana couldn't come get her right away. Thankfully the store still had some of what she was looking for. She purchased it all, plus a loaf of bread, and went back to her car and drove to Brittany's dorm parking lot where she colored and wrote stuff on the box she planned to put it all in.
She kept an eye on the weather while she worked. It wasn't ideal weather for duck feeding she thought, but the rain was holding off for now, and it was mostly just windy. The storms were due to come back but it looked like they might have a few hours. She finished her project and a few short minutes later Brittany appeared at the door. Santana smiled, Brittany hadn't called her because she wanted to make sure Santana really was there.
Brittany saw Santana's car and ran over to it and jumped into the seat. She felt much better after her shower. "Errands all done babe?" She asked as she leaned over to kiss Santana.
"Mhmm. Got you something, for just in case. Because I hope if the power goes out again you'll call me and we can spend it together, but in the off chance I'm ever not there or can't get to you right away…I wanted you to have something that might help." She ducked her head momentarily feeling a little lame. But handing Brittany the box from the back seat anyway.
Brittany read the top, in bright colors it said 'Brittany's emergency no power kit" with flowers and rainbows all over it. She smiled and opened the lid. Inside she found a few LED candles, a flashlight, an LED book light, some crayons and markers, a coloring book, and a stuffed dog. She looked up at Santana. She'd never received a gift like this ever. It was the most amazing thing.
Santana wondered briefly if Brittany liked it. But quickly knew she did when the biggest smile she'd ever seen broke out across Brittany's face and she literally launched herself across the seat into Santana's lap leaving little wet kisses all over her face. Santana started to giggle. "I'm glad you like it B." After a brief make out session, Brittany crawled back into her seat. "Alright. Let's go find you some ducks."
They drove off towards a park where Santana had always seen ducks. She was pretty sure they didn't even fly south for the winter so it would be their best bet for locating some she thought. The silence in the car was comfortable. Their hands playing together. "Hey B. Can I tell my brothers about us?"
"You can tell everyone you want! Only…I know they are your friends but could we tell Quinn, Mercedes, Kurt, and Sam together?"
"They are your friends too babe. And absolutely. Want me to text them and set up a group dinner somewhere a little ways out of town? Since no one has power and we have to eat anyway. And I kind of want to tell them as soon as possible." Brittany nodded, liking the idea. They pulled into the parking lot and Santana typed out the two texts she wanted to send. A group one to her brothers. "I GOTS ME A GIRLFRIEND!" (She had kind of already told her brothers about Brittany so she was sure they were expecting it. But just to show off, she sent along the picture Brittany had sent her of her in her hoodie) and one to their friends "hey guys. Group dinner closest place with power tonight?" She pocketed her phone and glanced over at a very excited Brittany.
"Can we go now?" Brittany asked. Santana nodded and grabbed the bread and her camera out of the back seat. They went down to the pond and sure enough, there were ducks there. Santana had to remind Brittany to stay quiet to not scare them away. They started off throwing chunks of bread into the water and grass and the ducks would eat them. Brittany would jump up and down, clapping her hands, and would throw more. Santana noticed that the ducks didn't seem at all phased by their presence and would get really close if Brittany accidently dropped the bread instead of throw it.
"Hey B. I want to try something. I need you to sit down on this bag so your butt doesn't get wet. And hold your hand out with this bread and stay super quiet and still." Brittany did as she was told. She was pretty sure that the duck wouldn't come near her but she'd try if Santana wanted her to. After she sat down, Santana tore of some tiny chunks of bread and started throwing them towards the ducks, getting them progressively closer to Brittany. Most of them ran off, but one brave one kept going closer and closer until he leaned out and started to nibble the bread in her hand. The smile that broke across her face would put any sunrise to shame. She quickly got out her camera and took a few pictures until Brittany had to release the bread because the duck was getting to close to her fingers.
Brittany turned to look at Santana as if that was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to her. Santana realized with a pang of sadness that there weren't many people doing nice things for Brittany. She pushed the sadness down though, and decided she'd make up for the rest of the world. She would treat Brittany they way she should have always been treated.
Brittany leapt up with a squeal, effectively scaring the shit out of the duck that was still close by, and jumped into Santana's arms wrapping her legs around her waist. Santana was thankful that she was pretty strong and Brittany was pretty light. How embarrassing would it have been to drop her? But she didn't. And Brittany kissed her fully. "Did you see that?" She said excitedly.
"Mhmm. Even got some pictures." Brittany laughed and kissed her about a million more times. She released the hold her legs had around Santana's waist and lowered herself so she was standing again.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Brittany said with complete sincerity. And Santana knew that unfortunately for Brittany's entire life up to this point, that might be true. But Brittany was the best thing that happened to her too. And she told her such. Santana may have led a good life, but it was a pretty hollow one. She was bitter, and angry at whoever made her the way she was. And she was tired of living the constant struggle of logically accepting who she was and what she had, but emotionally irrationally hating herself for it. Brittany managed to make that go away with her complete and gentle acceptance.
It started to drizzle again so after a few more chunks of bread thrown at the now slightly traumatized ducks, they walked back to the car. When they got there Santana took out her phone. The first few messages were replies from their friends saying they definitely wanted to leave town and get some food. Santana texted them back with a meeting time of seven at her apartment, and they'd figure out where to go from there.
The next few messages were from her brothers, and they made her swallow loudly.
"Dinner plans good?" Brittany asked, Santana nodded. She was excited to tell their friends, but Santana looked suddenly nervous. "What's wrong? Your brothers not ok with you and I together?" Santana shook her head no.
"Uh no. Kind of the opposite. Well the thing is, they're a lot to handle. Like, a lot. They're protective and uh kind of weird. And well, they want to meet you." Brittany nodded. Ok. She could do that. If they were anything like Santana she was sure they'd be great. Plus it wasn't like she'd have to meet them all at once. "All at once." Santana then said. Brittany nodded again. OK. She can do this. That was going to be nerve wracking, four of them at once but at least she'd have probably till Christmas break because when else would they have time? There would be time to prepare. "And they're going to come up next weekend." Brittany and Santana turned to face each other with nervous smiles.
Next weekend would be interest. Hell, tonight would be interesting. But, Santana thought as she looked over at Brittany again, totally fucking worth it.