AN: Thanks to my beta as always. And thank all of you for reviewing last chapter! Let's continue that trend.
Brittany can't catch her breath. But she can't stop crying either. Her mother walked away, she didn't know where she went. She forces herself to walk up the stairs towards her bedroom. She wants to call Santana. She needs Santana. But she can't get anything out but sobbing noises. She finds her phone and takes a deep breath and hits number one on her speed dial. She listens to it ring and then hears a click, her heart leaps a little but then she hears Santana's voice mail message play. She leaves a message and collapses on her bed, sobs wracking her body once again.
Santana heard her phone ring. And she knew it was Brittany, because Brittany has her own ring tone. But her brother yells at her to finish the round of game they're playing. She does because she's sure Brittany is just calling because she's bored or she misses her, but she can't help but think that it's weird that she's calling right now. Santana was sure she was supposed to be doing dinner or something. She throws the round, which her brother comments on, and gets up and grabs her phone. She listens to the voice mail.
"Santana? Call me? Please." The words alone would have caused alarm but Brittany's broken voice tells her that something was very wrong. She doesn't have time to dwell on how much she hates herself for not just picking up the phone, or how horribly that voice hurts her. She immediately calls Brittany back. She hears the phone pick up but all that comes through is muffled sounds of Brittany sobbing.
"Brittany what's wrong?" No response. "Brittany please." Santana is starting to panic a little bit now. "Baby please tell me what's wrong?" She tries again, gentler this time. She can hear Brittany trying to regain control of her ability to speak so she just waits it out, occasionally telling her to take deep breaths. Her own panic mounting.
After a few minutes, in the smallest voice Santana has ever heard come from Brittany, she tells her what happened. "My-my mom told me that Tommy is coming to dinner tomorrow night." A sob broke from her body. "Santana she hates me." She broke down again. But Santana was already looking for a sweatshirt.
"I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can."
"You d-don't have to-"
"Yes. Brittany you are my girlfriend. I promised I would do whatever I had to do to keep you safe. And you are not safe. I'm coming to get you. You need to let me keep my promise."
"O-Ok." She sniffed.
"I will be there as soon as I can. Ok baby? I want you to pack your stuff and stay in your room. If you have to leave a note you can do it on your way out when I get there. I need you to text me your address as soon as we get off the phone. Ok?"
"Ok."
"And I want you to keep texting me or calling me, whichever. I just need you to keep telling me that you're ok. Ok? I love you baby and I am going to be there as soon as I can."
"I love you too." Brittany wasn't going to try and protest any more anyway. She wanted Santana. She needed her. She needed help to make the hurt stop. They hung up the phone and Brittany did as Santana had said, and started to pack her things.
Santana is freaking out. She was putting every effort into keeping her anger down. Getting mad, acting on that anger right now was not going to help her girlfriend. Who currently needed her, and was too far away. She had known that something was going to happen. She should have insisted that Brittany come with her for Christmas. She should have just told her mom that she would spend Christmas with Brittany at school. But she shouldn't think about that. She should be focused on fixing this as best she can. But she can't find her fucking car keys.
She runs down the stairs with her shoes in hand into the kitchen where her mother is sitting. "Where are my car keys?" She yelled too fast for anyone to understand her.
"Mija slow down. What are you looking for?"
"My keys. I need my damn car keys. Is anyone blocking me in?"
"Santana what's wrong? It's Christmas Eve, that's family time."
"I need to go get Brittany now." She's panicking now. She knows her keys are here somewhere.
"Stop. Right now Santana stop. What's wrong?" Santana takes a deep breath. She knows she needs to calm down and do this right or she could cause more problems for herself and Brittany.
"Brittany has this ex boyfriend. He's abusive in literally every way you can think of."
"That's true Mami. We saw him Friday night before Thanksgiving. He hit her, and said a lot of things to her that I don't want to repeat to you." Miguel cut in from somewhere behind her. Maribel's eyes widened.
"And now Brittany's mom is having him over for dinner tomorrow, she's trying to force them back together." Santana finishes.
"Why doesn't she just tell her mother?" Maribel would protect her children from anything, surely this woman would protect her child from someone that wanted to hurt her if she knew.
"She knows Mami. She knows about everything." Maribel clutches the shirt in front of her heart.
"Ok." Santana goes to look for her keys in another room. "Santana I don't-"
"I'm going to get her Mami. If you don't want us to come back here I will take her to my apartment at school but I'm not leaving her in a place where she has nobody." Santana tries to keep her voice down but fails.
"Mija calm down. Of course Brittany can come here. I just don't want you driving so worked up."
"I'm ok. I promise. But I need to leave now. She needs me. I need to go." Miguel came back in and threw her a set of keys.
"Take my car sis. Tank is full. It's blocking yours in anyway."
"Thanks." She starts to throw her shoes on and turns to leave.
"Santana stop. Here." Santana turns back to her mother. "Take my credit card." Good thing because Santana had completely forgot about money. "I want you to keep the tank at least half full. Text me every hour to keep me updated. Ok?" Santana shakes her head. "Do I need to call the police and have them sent there Mija? You need to be honest with me. Because if something happens to her, neither of us will ever forgive ourselves if we could have done something more."
"No. I think she's ok. She's locked in her room and I told her not to come out until I get there. If I see anything at all, or hear anything from her, I promise I will call the police." Maribel nodded. She trusted Santana would do what was best for Brittany.
"I do not want you to drive back tonight. Get her, and stop at a hotel. Ok? Make sure you stop and eat." She hugs Santana. "And keep her safe Mija. Ok? Text me as soon as you have her and let me know she's safe."
"Of course Mami. Of course I will." Santana hugged her. "Thank you." It felt like a big thank you. A thank you for always protecting her the best she could. A thank you for now helping Santana protect Brittany.
She was on her way out of the door when Miguel grabbed her arm. "Do you need me to come?"
"No. He's not there. And right now I think she needs me. I'll be ok, and if it's not, like I told Mami, I promise I will call the police." He nodded and let her go with a pat on the shoulder.
She goes out to her brothers car and jumped in. Adjusting the seat as quickly as she could. Her feet didn't even touch the pedals. She checked her phone and saw the address in a text and put it in the GPS. Six hours. It was almost 5:00. She texted Brittany what time she should be there and started driving. She tried to maintain the speed limit because the last the she needed was to have something further delay her arrival.
From Brittany: Thank you.
The very un-Brittany like response caused her to creep a little faster.
Santana keeps her word and stops as soon as the car hits half a tank and fills it back up. She texts her mother to let her know she's still fine and she got gas. She texts Brittany how far away she is, who just responds with "I love you". Which is better than "Thank you" but still not Brittany.
Brittany finishes packing, leaving just her coat out. It was a stupid coat. It wasn't even for winter. But it was the only one she had and her mom hadn't bought her a new one like she said she was going to before school. Why couldn't she buy her own coat? Why couldn't she be smart enough to go to school and work like a lot of other people did so that she could afford her own winter coat? Then she wouldn't have to wait for her mother to buy her one, which was clearly never going to happen. She doesn't want to be such a burden. But she's failed at that again as Santana is now driving six hours on Christmas Eve because she couldn't deal with her own family and her own problems. Stupid Brittany.
She waits till it sounds like nobody is upstairs or everyone has left to go to the bathroom and get her things from there and wipe her face off. When her mother hit her, her ring had also left a cut on her cheekbone. There was some bruising and she thought about covering it so Santana wouldn't worry but she wouldn't be able to hide it from her anyway. She grabbed her things and went back into her room and curled up on her bed.
At 10:30 Brittany got a text from Santana saying she was about an hour away. She knew that everyone in the house was gone at this point. So she got up and wrote a quick note on a piece of paper she found.
"I am leaving for the rest of break.
Brittany"
She couldn't think of what else to say. She also didn't want to stay inside anymore so she took her bag, went out onto the porch, and sat down on the step. It was freezing outside so she curled into herself as much as possible. She wasn't sure if it was the cold, all of the crying, or the fact that she hadn't slept well in days, but she suddenly felt exhausted. So she put her head on her knees, leaned against the railing, and fell asleep.
Santana pulls up to the house the GPS says is Brittany's. It's much larger than her own. She is about to call Brittany and tell her that she's here when she sees a person sitting on a porch with a bag. She knew it was Brittany. She'd know her from any distance away. So she got out of her car, but when she closed the door Brittany didn't move. She walked up the shoveled path and realized that she was sleeping. But it was freezing out here, and she was shivering in her too thin coat. She crouched down in front of her and whispered her name. Getting steadily louder until Brittany startled awake.
Their eyes connected and Santana saw how red and swollen Brittany's were. And how tired she looked. Then she saw the cut on her cheek and the bruising and swelling. She frowned. "Baby" She whispered as she reached out to touch Brittany's cheek. When her fingers connected she could feel how ice-cold Brittany's skin was. "You're freezing Brittany." She stood up and gently pulled Brittany into a hug. She was stiff at first but, as though she had no control over the way her body reacts to Santana's, she melted into her.
Santana held her for a moment, needing to feel Brittany in her arms as much as Brittany needed to be there, before grabbing her bag and walking her back to her brother's car. She put her bag in the back seat and opened the passenger door for her, letting Brittany slide in. When she gets into the car she quickly takes Brittany's freezing, shaking hands tightly between hers rubbing gently to try and warm them. "Are you hurt Brittany, like need to go to a doctor hurt?" Brittany nods her head no.
"It's just a cut." She whispers. She sounds stilted and hollow and not at all how Brittany normally sounds. But God does it feel good to hear her voice. Santana quickly texts Maribel to tell her that she has Brittany, she's safe, and they're on their way to a hotel for the night. She turns the car on and starts to pull away. Brittany grabs her hand and pulls it onto her lap, playing with her fingers. Other than the movements of her hands against Santana's she is completely still and very quiet for the entire drive. Santana has to keep checking because she thinks Brittany has fallen asleep. They get about half an hour out of town and Santana finds a decent hotel to stay in. Brittany doesn't need to deal with some gross hotel for the night. She knows her mom would get it. So she pulls into something she can recognize to be pretty good and turns off the car. Brittany looks at her in confusion.
"My Mami made me promise that I wouldn't drive back tonight too. So we're staying here. Unless you don't want to. I can drive back tonight anyway." Brittany shook her head quickly. How stupid of her. She hadn't even thought about how hard driving all that way would be on Santana, of course they weren't driving back tonight. They got out of the car and Santana grabbed her bag again before they headed inside. Santana walked up and asked for a room, one bed, for one night. She handed the card over and when they offered to carry the bags up, she politely declined. She was feeling possessive and protective of Brittany right now and didn't really want any strangers crowding her.
She places her hand at the small of Brittany's back and guides her to the elevator, and then into the room. Santana moves past her to put her bag on the other side of the room, but looks back and sees Brittany standing there with her head down, playing with her fingers the way she does when she's nervous. "You're safe now." She says to her quietly. "I have you Brittany. You're safe and I love you so much." She stands in front of Brittany and starts to unbutton her coat. "Let's get you undressed and we'll go to bed ok?" Brittany nods and Santana takes of her coat, being as gentle as she can. She slides Brittany's shirt over her head and then gestures to her bra. Brittany nods so Santana unsnaps it and slides it down Brittany's bare arms. "I will take care of you." Santana whispers.
Brittany nods and reaches up to try and help Santana out of her clothes but her hands are shaking. The combination of having Santana here, being away from her home, and knowing it's going to be ok now is causing all of the stillness she managed to build up to melt away and now she's turning into a shaking crying mess. But she needed Santana, and now she's here. She doesn't know how else to react.
Santana helps Brittany remove the articles of clothing covering her torso. She looks up and her eyes meet Brittany's tear filled blue ones and Brittany just collapses in her arms. Santana holds Brittany tightly to her. This had been the reaction she was expecting. The one where she had to try and be strong even though the feeling of Brittany crying so hard tore heart apart. She wanted to cry, and kill whoever had done this, everyone who had ever aided in the moment. But she knew that this, right here, was what Brittany needed. Her to hold her tight.
After a few moments Brittany started to feel something other than sadness. It felt like need. It felt like needing Santana as physically and emotionally close to her as possible. Brittany leaned up and placed a teary kiss against Santana's lips. Gradually deepening it. She needed more. "I need you."
"Wha-"
"Please I need you closer. I need to feel you. Please Santana." Santana could see the desperation in Brittany's eyes. She didn't know what to do but give Brittany what she needed. She nodded and reached forward and slid Brittany's pants and underwear down. She kicked them off along with her shoes and socks as Santana pulled her own pants down and did the same. She pulled Brittany back into her body, feeling her naked skin pressed against her own. Brittany began kissing her again. There was want in that kiss. And need. And something else she hadn't felt before.
Santana gently laid her down on the bed and gestured for her to scoot back onto the pillows. She crawled up to Brittany and laid half on top of her, kissing her again, but slowing it down. If she was going to do it, she was going to do it as gently and as lovingly as she'd ever done anything.
It took her longer to get hard than usual, but ultimately she was and always would be powerless against Brittany's hands and lips and skin. Brittany reached between them and guided Santana to her center. Brittany wasn't as wet as Santana was used to, and she desperately didn't want to hurt her. So she went very slowly, prepared to stop at the first sign of discomfort.
Making love to Brittany this time was different than any time before. Usually Brittany was laid out, all long limbed and stretched beneath her. A leg, or an arm would usually be there, pressing them together, but nothing like this. Brittany was completely curled into her, as if she needed every part of her touching some part of Santana, as she continued to thrust gently inside of her. Santana kept whispering "I love you" into her ear, and she could feel Brittany mouthing it against her neck where her face was pressed. Santana could also feel the tears.
She was so torn between wanting to stop because what was this? What was she doing? Did Brittany need this or did she feel like she had to do this? Why was she crying? But she didn't stop. Because Brittany's little noises were similar to the ones she always made when she wanted Santana to keep going. And then hands running down her hair and neck were gentle but insistent like she wanted exactly what Santana was giving her. No more, no less. Despite her confusion about this moment, she could feel that she wasn't going to last much longer. But she wanted Brittany to cum. She thinks it might make her feel better, or maybe not but she never wants to leave Brittany unsatisfied. She loosens one of her arms that's holding Brittany tight to her body but Brittany stops her. "Don't let me go."
"I won't." And she tightened her hold but she felt Brittany's hand go between their bodies in the impossibly tight space between them and feels her start to rub her own clit. A few minutes later she feels Brittany stiffen beneath her, and cry out in a primal way that causes Santana's orgasm to follow quickly after Brittany's.
The orgasm did not make her feel better, in fact, it seemed to do the opposite. Sobs were now shaking her entire body against Santana's. She did the only thing she knew to do and pulled Brittany even closer, whispering "I love you." And "I've got you." And "You're safe with me now." Santana can feel her own tears running down her face now but she doesn't try to wipe them away. That would require her hands. And those were made for holding Brittany right now.
Santana just keeps whispering, and running her hands up and down Brittany's spine in a way that she knows soothes her. The sobs change to a sort of choked crying sound and Santana can make out the words "I don't deserve you" coming from Brittany's mouth over and over.
"You're everything to me. You're all I want. I want you forever. You're perfect. I love you." She whispers in response everytime Brittany cries that she doesn't deserve her. The cries calm to little gasping noises that come in tandem with the chest spasms Brittany is having from crying so hard for so long. "Tell me what happened baby. I need to help fix this. I can't if I don't know."
"M-my Mom told me that Tommy was coming over for dinner tomorrow. That I needed to be with him because she refused to take care of me forever. T-that I had been a burden for eighteen years. That I couldn't do any better. That I would become a s-stripper and nobody will ever want me. T-that he's a s-saint because he's w-willing to put up with me. That I'm stupid. Then she hit me." Brittany could feel Santana's grip on her tighten during the brief explanation. She knew Santana was crying too and she hated that she was the cause. But she was so glad to be in her arms.
Santana had wanted to stop Brittany several times during her story to give her a million reasons why none of those things were true. But she thought Brittany would feel better if she just let the poison out. "You are never a burden. First of all, I'd take care of you for the rest of our lives. But I know that I won't have to. Because you're brilliant, and an amazing dancer and you are going to do so well in your life. I am honored Brittany, every single day, that it might be me first row clapping for you. It might be me that gets to hug you first after a big show. I am so honored and I love you so much. You are so fucking important to me. And I will do whatever I need to make sure you feel that every day. And that you feel safe and loved."
"I love you too. I love you so much." Brittany replied. How do Santana's words do that? She felt like she could breathe again. Santana loved her. She didn't think she was a burden.
"I also need to say this. And, know that I will never tell you what you can and cannot do, but I don't want you seeing them anymore by yourself. I don't feel safe letting that happen. And they don't deserve to be in your presence anyway. I would appreciate it, that if you want to go see them again, you would let me come with you. Because I can't let you get hurt like this again, not knowingly. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." Brittany nods sleepily. She didn't want Santana anywhere near them. But she knew Santana was right. "Now go to sleep love." Brittany nods against her again. Santana's fingers start working slow circles over her back, pushing lightly into muscle, soothing the tension she still had there, and working a magic to calm her enough to drift to sleep.
After Brittany's breaths evened out Santana used one hand to wipe the remaining tears from her eyes, before putting it back on Brittany. Santana was laying on her back with Brittany practically on top of her, her face so close Santana could feel Brittany's breath against her cheek. Brittany's weight and presence, as well as the knowledge that she would be ok let Santana drift off to sleep as well, arms still tightened protectively across Brittany's back.
Santana woke up in the morning with Brittany still lying on her chest, head still tucked protectively under her chin. She hadn't moved her arms all night. It's unusual that she wouldn't move at all, more unusual that Brittany wouldn't. The most unusual part however, was that she was awake while Brittany still slept. This almost never happened. But she knew Brittany had been tired, exhausted even. She had been through so much. Santana pushed the thought out of her mind as she ran her fingers through Brittany's long blonde hair trailing down onto her bare back.
When the phone rang it scared her. She had been lost in the feeling of Brittany's skin beneath her fingertips, memorizing the little bumps in her spine. The phone brought her quickly back to reality. She slid as carefully as she could out from under Brittany so she could jump out of bed and answer the hotel phone.
"Hello"
"Ma'am we were just checking that you were still in the room, you hadn't checked out and we were just making sure everything was ok."
"Fine. My girlfriend is just still asleep. She's not feeling well. I can get her up. I'm sorry."
"No, it's ok. It's Christmas. Just be out by five so the maids can clean the room before they leave for the night. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas." She hung up the phone and looked over her shoulder, shocked that Brittany was still asleep. While she was up she grabbed her phone and went into the bathroom. She had several missed calls from her mother as well as increasingly panicked texts. She called and her mother picked up on the first ring.
"Mija are you two alright? I've been so worried."
"We're fine mami. Just a long night. Brittany is still asleep and I don't want to wake her yet. She needs the rest. So we'll leave here as soon as she wakes. I'm sorry you worried."
"It's fine Santana. Mother's worry. Text me when you two leave. Go on and get back to her. I love you."
"I love you too."
"Oh Santana! Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas mami." She hung up the phone and left the bathroom. Brittany was still asleep but she was stirring, not sleeping as deeply now that Santana had left. She quickly got in bed and pressed herself against Brittany as tightly as she could, wrapping her up and instantly calming her. She wonders if it's because even subconsciously Brittany feels unsafe. She wouldn't blame her. Santana could not stop the onslaught of thoughts about what had gone on last night. What if Brittany hadn't told Santana about Tommy? Or, more likely, what if Brittany's mom hadn't told her that Tommy was coming to dinner? What would he have done to her? Santana tightened her arms at the thought. She knows what he's capable. He has physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually abused the love of her life. And her parents, those monsters, they just let it happen.
Santana could feel the burn of tears in her eyes. She kissed Brittany's head a few times trying to calm herself down. Brittany was the most amazing person she'd ever met. Santana sometimes can't even remember what it felt like to not have this fullness, this light in her chest. It was a whole new force, and it was Brittany. And someone had spent years hurting her. Years touching what wasn't his. Taking things that Brittany didn't want to give. She couldn't stop herself from crying. She made herself switch thoughts. She couldn't think about this anymore. It made her too mad and there was no solution.
Think about love. She told herself. They make each other so happy. Santana doesn't doubt for one minute that she makes Brittany happy. Think about the future. And how someday they'll live in a tiny apartment that is too cold in the winter but it won't matter because they can't exist in the same room and not be cuddling. It's nearly impossible and it feels unnatural every time. And nobody will ever hurt her, she thought as she ever so lightly traced the bruised area on Brittany's face.
She lay back down and kissed Brittany gently. She was so close their noses were nearly touching. She watched Brittany sleep, now peacefully, for what could have been minutes or hours. She lost track of time. But when Brittany did stir and wake, her eyelashes fluttered open revealing blue eyes. Santana couldn't help but smile because no matter what happened, Brittany was here with her, and she was safe.
She could tell that Santana had been crying. Her eyelashes were still stuck together in clumps. Before she even opened her mouth she lifted her hand and ran her finger along the underside of Santana's eyes. Wiping away the remaining moisture.
"Why are you crying?" Her voice cracked, still not totally healed from crying last night and then long hours of sleeping. Santana shook her head. "Please."
"I am so sorry you got hurt again Britt. It kills me that there are people in this world that would hurt someone as amazing and perfect as you. Kills me." She watched Brittany's eyes drop from hers, to just slightly lower.
"I'm not worth all of that though. You shouldn't have to worry or be upset. I'm sorry I put you through this and made you drive so far."
"No. Don't do this Brittany please. Don't question your worth because of some terrible woman who doesn't know you like I know you, and definitely doesn't know me. You're worth everything to me. She doesn't get to make you feel otherwise. I will do anything and everything I need to do to remind you because you're worth it."
"But what if she's right. What if I'll never be anything but a burden? What if you get sick of me? I'm scared I'll lose you."
"I told you last night that you aren't a burden, and not that it ever will but if it did, I would take care of you every day. But I am so confident that won't even be an issue. You didn't see your performance, but I did. You have so much talent. Plus people just naturally want to be around you. Good, sane people anyway."
"I don't want you to have to take care of me."
"I want to take care of you. I want to know all the time that you are ok or that we're working to get you there. Most of the time you do just fine taking care of yourself, but why don't you just give yourself a break and let me do it sometimes, ok? I know that you will always take care of me too. What if someday you become a famous dancer, and I never went anywhere with my music career-"
"Not possible. You're amazing." Santana kissed her nose.
"Not the point. What if I didn't? What if you made all the money in the house? Would that be a problem?"
"Not as long as you were happy."
"Exactly. See Britt. We feel the same exact way. You could only ever be a burden to me if I thought of you that way. Which I never ever will. Otherwise you're just my beautiful girlfriend whom I love very much. Everything else is just detail ok?" Brittany nods and barely brushes her lips across Santana's. "How are you feeling?"
"My head hurts. And my cheek hurts. But I feel a little better than last night. Just really glad I'm back where I'm supposed to be." She buries herself into Santana's still naked chest. "I love you."
"I love you too. We should probably get going soon though. My mom is worried about you and I know she won't stop until she can inspect you herself."
"Ten more minutes?" Santana nods before starting up running her hands through Brittany's hair again. "Hold tighter." And Santana does. She always will.
The drive back was quit. Santana plugged her iPhone into the radio system. She wasn't sure why she was avoiding Christmas music. Some part of her felt like maybe it would make Brittany sad. They stopped for food but Brittany barely ate anything. Santana was concerned, but knew Brittany's lack of appetite would last about as long as it would take to get her home. Her mami would feed Brittany till she burst. When Maribel is concerned, she cooks. That's just how she is.
"Do you hate Christmas music?" Brittany asks after Santana quickly skips over another Christmas song. Brittany wouldn't mind listening to some Christmas music. She's never loved the holiday but the music and the decorations are kind of the best parts.
"I just thought maybe you wouldn't want to since you're not with your family. Plus today and yesterday are kind of a mess."
"But today I'm with you." Brittany knows there is a lot going on. She knows what happened last night. She's not trying to ignore it. But she's out of her house. She's with Santana. She's safe. It's conflicting actually. Part of her wants to be happy because she gets more time with Santana but like every time before it she's sad that things happened the way they did at her house. She is kind of angry for not expecting it
"You're right B. Do you like Christmas?" Santana brushes her thumbs across Brittany's knuckles.
"I liked decorating for Christmas this year. And I like looking at the lights. And I like the music. I am excited about your gift I hope you like it."
"I'll love it. I'm excited to give you your gift too. I think my mami got you one too."
"Santana! My bus ticket was supposed to be my gift. I don't have one for her, or your brothers or dad!"
"No worries Britt. It's a rule in our house. Kids don't buy parents Christmas gifts. We just have to come home. That's our gift. It's lame but it's how it's always been. That's how it is with my grandparents too."
"Is your mom going to be upset that I am there for Christmas? I don't want to mess up your family's holiday. I didn't think about that. I don't want to be a bother San I've already messed up by making you leave on Christmas Eve." Santana took her eyes off of the road for a second to look over at Brittany who was becoming rapidly more upset.
"Brittany stop, please don't worry about that. My mom is so worried about you. She wants you back at the house as bad as I do. And you haven't messed anything up. Let's just look at it as I got to spend Christmas Eve with my girlfriend who is just as much family as anyone to me. Ok? And now we're going to spend Christmas and the rest of break with my family. Everything is ok. Everyone wants you home with us."
"Does everyone know?" Santana is nervous to tell Brittany how much she had to tell her mom. She knows Brittany will understand but she also can't help but think that those weren't her secrets to trust someone else with.
"No I don't think so. My mami made me explain to her why I was leaving. I told her that your ex boyfriend was abusive, and that your mother knew that and was still trying to have him over and force you two back together. Miguel was there as well and confirmed that he saw him hit you. Mami gave me her credit card and told me to leave and to let her know when I had you safe. I'm sorry I had to tell her anything at all I just didn't want to leave against her will and then have her be mad at both of us when we got back."
"No. It's ok. I understand." She did understand. But some small part of her was afraid that Maribel knowing about her mother was going to somehow make her see whatever it is that was fundamentally wrong with Brittany in her own mother's eyes. She knew that was stupid. That this was her being stupid. But she couldn't stop the thoughts. Santana just pulled her hand to her lips, kissing it before she let go to change her iPhone to play some Christmas music.
It was dark but not very late when they got back to Santana's house. She almost wished it were later because her extended family is probably still there and she doesn't think Brittany is in a place to deal with that right now. Really nobody is ever in a place to deal with all of Santana's extended family at once. "So. Family might still be there. We don't have to hang out with them though if you're uncomfortable or nervous. We can just go upstairs. No one will mind. Ok?" Brittany nodded but her hand tightened around Santana's.
"Play it by ear?"
"Sounds good." Santana grabbed Brittany's bag out of the back seat and set it down on the sidewalk.
"Hug please?" Santana nodded and opened her arms. Brittany stepped in and rested her head on her shoulder. Santana reached into Brittany's open coat and wrapped her arms around Brittany's warm body. She held her tight for a bit, letting Brittany decide when she was ok to go inside. When Brittany pulled apart Santana grabbed her bag, and reconnected their hands and walked towards the front door.
When they opened it Santana was surprised by the quiet. All that was heard was the T.V. in the living room. Then "Mija?" her mom called out.
"Yeah Mami." Santana answered. She was thankful that everyone had gone. Her mom would make them eat leftovers and they could go to bed early. Her mom rushed into the hall where they were and pulled Brittany into a hug. She watched the tension melt away in both of them a little. Then she let go and pulled Santana into a hug that was just a little tighter than she was used to. But that's ok, she understands. After she let go of Santana she turned back to Brittany. And put her hands gently on either side of Brittany's face inspecting the cut, bruise, and swelling.
"Let's get something on that." Santana knew that treating the cut now wasn't going to help very much but she also knew that her mother was the kind of person that needed to fix things. She couldn't fix what really hurt Brittany, so she'd just try to fix the outside. After the first aid kit was put away again and Brittany's cut was freshly cleaned and had a layer of Neosporin on it Santana finally took a second to look around. There was still whole food on the counter, not left overs. It looked like nobody had been here at all.
Her mother walked over to the oven and opened it and Santana saw a whole turkey. Santana whispered to her mother so Brittany wouldn't hear, "Mami, didn't anybody come for Christmas?"
"I called last night and told them not too. I thought it might be better for Brittany if it was just the family." Santana couldn't stop from hugging her mother. "Go take Brittany into the living room. I'll call you all when dinner is ready. I just need to heat some things up." And then louder. "I hope you're hungry Brittany. You look thinner than the last time I saw you." There it is. Santana knew it was coming.
"We didn't miss dinner?" If they didn't miss dinner that made Brittany feel like she ruined their Christmas a little less. Santana took Brittany's hand and led the way to the living room. When she got in she could tell that her brothers and dad had been waiting for them to come in. Antonio stood up first and pulled them both into a hug.
"Merry Christmas! We're glad you're here Brittany." He said sincerely. Her brothers stood up and gave them hugs. Santana watched Brittany carefully as her brother's hugged her. She wasn't sure that Brittany would notice, in fact she hoped she didn't, but they were being gentler with her than usual. They didn't ask any questions, they just all sat down and continued watching the movie. Brittany immediately curled into her body and Santana just opened her arms and let her curl closer.
When dinner was ready they all sat down to eat. Maribel kept adding things to Brittany's plate when she thought she wasn't looking. Brittany noticed. She didn't think she lost weight, but maybe she had. It wasn't on purpose if she did. Or maybe this was just how Santana's mom took care of people. Brittany was thankful either way that she was someone Maribel wanted to take care of.
After dinner Brittany followed Santana back into the living room where they all sat around while Antonio and Maribel put little piles of packages in front of them. She was excited to watch them open their gifts. Maybe after she and Santana could go upstairs and give each other their gifts. But then Antonio set a pile down in front of her as well. She looked around confused but nobody seemed to be calling attention to the fact that she had a pile too. Just like all of them. Like she's silly to be surprised by this. She knew that she might get a gift from Maribel but this was more than she'd ever gotten. She got the kind of gifts from her parents that showed off their wealth. It was about them, not about her. But this was just some gifts from her girlfriend's parents. She wanted to cry. She was confused and happy and surprised. Santana squeezed her hand like she knew what was going on in Brittany's head.
"This year we go oldest to youngest. We aren't opening gifts from each other this year because we're going on a vacation as a Christmas gift for ourselves. So Luis you start." Brittany wondered if this was how they'd always done Christmas. She liked it. It made you appreciate what other people received because it's not all about you. After Luis went Gabe, and then Miguel who is apparently three minutes older than Diego. They all received similar gifts. New shoes, video games, movies, a set of pajamas each, Gabe got a new tie that he seemed pretty excited about, and Luis received Tupperware so he would stop taking Maribel's home with him.
Next came Santana which meant Brittany had to let go of her hand which she wasn't very fond of. She too got new pajamas, and a new guitar case and tuner. A new set of sheets (which just so happened to be a color that Brittany had suggested she thought would look pretty in her room a few months ago) a pair of Ray Bans, and some new boots. Maribel then handed her an envelope. "This is for both of you." The front of the envelope said "To: Our girls" on it. Brittany didn't care what was in it. The envelope meant enough. But Santana opened it and pulled out a certificate to get their hair done at a salon Maribel likes. Brittany kept the envelope.
"Ok Britt Britt. You're turn." Santana said as she nudged Brittany gently. She leaned down and picked up the first box before unwrapping it carefully. She opened the box and pulled out a brand new wool coat. It was beautiful and looked very warm.
"Thank you! I needed a new coat really bad."
"I remember. You were wearing some sad excuse for a coat last time you were here decorating outside. Now you have a warm one. Use it. I don't want you getting sick." Brittany nodded before folding it gently and setting it back on top of the box before opening the next gift. It was a matching mitten and scarf set that went with her coat. She also got a pajama set just like everyone else, a basket with some lotions and candles, and a stack of movies that were very different from the horror/action ones that everyone else got. Hers had Finding Nemo and Monsters Inc as well as a couple chick flicks.
"So you have movies to watch here too since we have a rather limited selection." Antonio told Brittany. "I picked the next one. I know you're going to like it."
"He's very proud of himself dear so even if you don't just pretend." Maribel stage whispered. Brittany smiled and opened the next package and pulled out black rain boots with little ducks printed all over them. They were amazing.
"I love them!"
"And they have liners in them so you can wear them in the winter. Multi-seasonal. It's the latest trend." Antonio gestured proudly to the boots. They were wonderful. And it was more wonderful that he had picked them for her. She swallowed the sad thought that he already knew her so much better than her own father. And she's spent exactly one week in his house. They all hugged Maribel and Antonio before settling on the couch to watch one of Brittany's new movies. The Grinch.
Brittany dozes off several times during the movie, and jerks back awake trying to pretend she hadn't fallen asleep. Each time Santana suggests that it would be ok if she were to fall asleep but Brittany shakes her head and forces herself to stay awake. When the movie is over Santana announces that she's tired and that they were going to head to bed. They wished everyone a Merry Christmas again and headed up to her bedroom.
"Want to get ready for bed?" Santana suggests half jokingly. She knows Brittany wants to exchange gifts.
"But what about Christmas gifts? Can we do that first?"
"I was kidding baby. Of course." Santana went to her desk and pulled out a small wrapped box. She turned back towards Brittany who was pulling two square wrapped packages with a piece of paper taped to the top of one. Santana walked over and held hers out and exchanged it for the wrapped gifts in Brittany's hand.
"Will you open first?" Brittany asked. Santana nodded and looked at the top one. The little piece of paper taped to the top just had a date, a time, and the words fifteen minutes.
"What's this?"
"Just the first part of your gift. I got you booked at the coffee shop the first Wednesday after we get back. It's a fifteen-minute set. I did it because I could tell you wanted to, and I believe in you and I think other people should get to hear you sing too. Because it's beautiful." Santana didn't know what to say so she leaned forward and kissed Brittany. After a few seconds Brittany pulled away. "Ok next."
Santana ripped the paper on the slightly smaller gift and revealed a beautiful frame with a picture of her and Brittany that she had never seen. It was beautiful. Both the frame and the picture. She had just been thinking that she wanted to get one or two printed for her room. "It's perfect B. I love it. The frame is beautiful." Brittany looked down and smiled.
"I thought you'd like it. Quinn took the picture. I made her not show you. Ok next one!" Santana set the picture carefully down on her bed before opening the next one. It was a leather bound journal, the top was simply but beautifully engraved. "Look at the back." Santana read the inscription on the back complete with the little S + B underneath.
"What is that from?"
"Pablo Neruda. He's a poet. Do you like it?" Santana bent her head down to wipe a tear that was threatening to escape her eye. It was beautiful. But her silence made Brittany nervous. "I thought it would be good because you always have little notes in your pocket. Plus you can reuse it you just need to change out the notebook inside." She started to wring her hands. Santana set the notebook down and took Brittany's hands into hers and pulled Brittany closer to her.
"I love it. All of it. It's nearly as beautiful and perfect as you." She smiled before kissing Brittany. "Ok. You're turn." Brittany picked the little box back up and unwrapped it before opening it. She gasped.
"Santana this is amazing. It's so pretty." She pulled the delicate bracelet out of the box with its little charms that tinkled lightly when they hit each other. She examined the little heart and the S. She looked back up at Santana, eyes shining with happy tears.
"Can I put it on you?" Santana asked. Brittany handed her the bracelet. Santana took it and undid the clasp before securing it around Brittany's wrist, leaning down to kiss the spot on her wrist where she could see Brittany's pulse. "I love you."
"I love you too. Thank you for saving me."
"I will always protect you Brittany." They hugged each other for a long moment before pulling apart and making the decision to get ready to go to bed.
The next morning when they woke up things were even more back to normal. At least in the sense that Brittany was awake first. She was still lying draped across her but she was laughing at something she was reading on Santana's phone. "What's funny?" She croaked.
"I downloaded this app that has funny videos on it. Sorry if I woke you." She kissed Santana. She wasn't really sorry. She wanted Santana awake. "Can we go to Times Square for New Years? I've always wanted to do that. Maybe Quinn could come?"
Santana hadn't really put much thought into what they would do for New Years. But if Brittany wanted to go into the city that would work for her. She sent a text to Quinn to let her know that something had come up and Brittany was at her house early. And that they were going to Times Square for New Years Eve. No arguments.
Later that day Santana told her brothers that they were thinking about going into the city. Diego and Miguel were both predictably working but Luis and Gabe said that they would join them even though Santana hadn't invited them. Gabe said they could all stay at his place if they wanted after so they didn't have to commute home. Maribel seemed weary, as she always does when Santana and Quinn go into the city at night. She pulled Luis aside when the others weren't paying attention.
"You take care of them. Don't let any drunk people get too close to them or anything."
"Mami don't worry. Gabe and I will watch them and Miguel and Diego will be there in uniform."
"I just worry." Luis nodded. He knew. He and his mother were close, so he knew a lot about her worries.
On New Years Eve Quinn came over and they all got ready together before heading into the city to meet up with Luis and Gabe for dinner. The city was more crowded than the last time that Brittany had been here with Santana. She stuck close to Santana, holding her hand tightly.
They ate dinner at an Italian restaurant that Gabe apparently knew the owner of because plates that they didn't order just kept coming as well as a friendly older gentleman that gave them all a glass of what Quinn told them was very expensive champagne. Brittany liked it but it made her sneeze. Everything was amazing and they left the restaurant happy and full.
They got to Times Square around 10:30pm and Brittany couldn't believe the amount of people that were there. They'd be lucky if they could see anything. "Maybe we should have gotten here earlier?" She suggested.
"Maybe. If your brothers aren't cops and can't get you a good spot no matter what time you come." Luis answered her. Santana smiled and pulled her hand to lead them in the direction that she knew Miguel and Diego would be. Brittany was glad for Luis and Gabe's size when they got closer to the crowds. As long as Quinn, Brittany, and Santana stayed close they barely had to deal with bumping into anyone. People just kind of stepped out of the way for them.
They got to a barrier that Diego was standing in front of and Luis called his name. "Hey guys! Ladies!" He pulled the barrier open enough to let them slip through. "Just find a place to stand back there." He gestured to an area with a few other people, some of whom had kids. Brittany couldn't imagine bringing a baby to this. But maybe if Diego was still working this event years from now, and could get them in this much less crowded space, it wouldn't be so bad for her and Santana to bring their own children. She looped her arm around Santana's and pressed her cold nose into Santana's shoulder. Her nose might be cold but the rest of her wasn't. This coat was amazing.
They spent the next hour and a half watching music acts. It took Brittany about seven minutes to make friends with some of the older women and children that were standing with them. Santana's heart nearly exploded when Quinn distracted her from a conversation she was having with her brother and pointed at Brittany who was dancing with a little girl to a song that was playing. "Sap." Quinn said as she hip checked Santana lightly.
"Q I can't help it. I don't know what's wrong with me but like I want to do adult things with Brittany." Quinn raised an eyebrow at her in mock judgment. "Not like that. Like, have kids. Live together. Go grocery shopping." Quinn laughed.
"Of course you do. I've known you our whole lives S. It doesn't take a genius or even someone that's known you that long to see that you guys are forever. It's glaringly obvious actually." Santana smiled at her and looked back over at Brittany. "You get those kinds of feelings when you find your forever." Santana nodded, still watching Brittany who was now dancing with that little girl, and an even smaller little boy who was mostly just bouncing. Yeah. That's her forever.
She couldn't help herself a few moments later when she walked over to join Brittany. She just needed to be closer to her. Brittany introduced her to her new friends Bradley and Kayla.
At just a few minutes until midnight they all huddled together, Santana's arms protectively around her girlfriend. Not that they were in any real danger here, but people were starting to pack a little closer. The countdown started and Brittany's excitement was contagious. At midnight they watched the ball fall while jumping and cheering. Before the minute was up Brittany put her mittened hands on either side of Santana's cheeks and pulled her into a kiss. Santana deepened the kiss until she felt someone smack her in the back of the head lightly. She pulled away from Brittany to Quinn shaking her head at them. "There are children you two."
Santana continued to hold Brittany for the rest of the time they spent there, which wasn't actually that long. After half an hour of celebrating the New Year, the party started to calm down and Brittany put her head on Santana's shoulder. "Sleepy?"
Brittany nodded and Santana tightened her hold. Eventually Gabe asked if they were ready to go, to which they all nodded and they headed back into the crowds. "How far?" Brittany asked Santana.
"Just to the subway. It's a couple stops and then he lives right off of one of the stops."
"Don't lose me ok?" Santana tightened her hold on Brittany's hand and they followed Luis and Gabe to the subway station. They said their goodbyes to Luis who was going to head in a different direction. The station was packed and so was the train. It was full of drunken people who were loud and pushy but Gabe stood in front of them and they remained relatively unbothered except for some guy who was clearly checking one of them out. One glare from Gabe though, and he didn't look their way again.
When they got back to Gabe's apartment they were nearly dead on their feet. "I'm going to bed sis. You know where everything is." She nodded and went to the closet and pulled out some of her sweatpants and t-shirts that she kept at his house.
"I'll take the smaller couch." Quinn yawned, grabbing a blanket and pillow from the same closet. She'd clearly been here before Brittany decided.
"Do you want to sleep on the couch and I can sleep on the floor right next to you?" Brittany shook her head no. She wouldn't be able to sleep next to Santana and not cuddle with her. She'd been even more cuddly than usual since she'd left her parents house.
"I will sleep on the floor with you. Or we could both fit on the couch. I don't want to not cuddle." Santana understood. She wasn't fond of the idea either. She'd noticed Brittany's increased need for closeness and matched it with her heightened need to make Brittany feel safe. "You get on first and then I will fit myself on too."
Santana arranged the pillow they'd share and got onto the couch and took up as little space as she could while holding the blanket up for Brittany to get under. She did and their bodies fit together, facing each other, with Santana's arm wrapped around Brittany. "I had fun today." Brittany mumbled sleepily into Santana's chest.
"I'm glad. I did too." Brittany mumbled something in response that Santana couldn't understand. So she kissed the top of Brittany's head and whispered, "I love you." She heard another mumble in response before she felt Brittany's breathing even out. She spent the last few minutes until she fell asleep thinking about Brittany's birthday in a few days and how she was determined to make it amazing for her. Because Brittany deserved amazing. Always.