Chapter 13: Like a Dandelion Through the Crack of a Sidewalk
Have you ever felt your mind so jumbled, that random inappropriate thoughts that don't quite fit the occasion pop up non-stop?
Or more closely related… random lyrics?
Of songs you never paid that much attention to when your friends played them because music is cool and you're not picky, so whatever?
I know, I know. What the hell am I talking about?
That's the whole thing. I have no idea what was happening. I was spinning memories in my head with random lyrics popping up in odd intervals.
Like the first time, I ever saw my father taming a dragon. I was three, and I had no business remembering such a thing from that long ago, but there we were. My mother holding me in her hands as my father showed me what exactly it was that kept him away from home and it was amazing and terrifying. Chances are I don't even remember it right, but instead of words coming out of their mouths or the roar of the spike-tailed dragon deafening me, that Fireflies song swam around in my head. You know the one, right? Goes like this:
'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
The disco ball is just hanging by a thread
(Thread, thread...)
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
(When I fall asleep)
Or the first time I met Mordred, we were at the park, Uncle Gaius was babysitting me and he fell and got hurt, so I took a candy from my uncle and brought it over to him and patted his head so he wouldn't cry. And to that an Elle King song plays:
You were standing there
Fire in your eyes
As you held me in
Said, "Sorry, I didn't write"
We've got seven days
'Til we say goodbye
Back to separate ways
I'll miss you more this time.
Which makes even less sense, because, after that day, Mordred attached himself to me like glue. Hell he even showed up at my house and refused to tell me how he knew where I lived. What do you mean 'Til we say goodbye? We haven't said goodbye!
Then there's the memory of all of us camping in the woods alone for the first time. We laid down on the grass and I just remembered getting this overwhelming feeling of just being happy and safe, while listening to everyone ramble on. Gwen and Lance bickering. Mordred (he hadn't asked her out yet) trying to get Morgana to pay attention to him. Morgana ignoring him in favor of her mp3 player. Elyan whispering embarrassing things about Gwen to my ear and Gwaine picking on Mordred. While I just enjoyed being with my family.
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died every day, waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
What was happening to me? What was wrong with my head?
"Merlin!" a thundering voice called to me, "Merlin!" I turned and turned trying to find where it came from, but I couldn't tell, I was lost in this space. In the memories and the songs that didn't make any sense, but that voice. I knew that voice.
Who was it? How was it breaking through the mess of this?
"Merlin!" it growled out.
"What?!" I called back out to it, "Who are you?! Where are you?!"
"Follow my voice," it commanded.
"I don't know where it's coming from!"
"The escalator! Find the escalator! I know you can!"
Escalator? The only thing I saw here was empty space filled with memories and songs that didn't make any sense. What escalator? I buzzed around through the memories, occasionally getting distracted by them. Now that I thought about it, they were kind of calming. Part of me wanted to stop looking for some silly escalator and just stay here watching the memories. They were soothing and simple and nice, but that voice. I couldn't just ignore it. I wasn't sure why, but I just couldn't.
So I kept looking around for it, even though I thought it was pointless. I sighed, looking up and saw it, floating above my head. It was glowing a beautiful shade of green. My gosh, it was a pretty escalator. Is that why the voice wanted me to find it? I floated to it and looked at it. Well I found it. What was I supposed to do with it now? I looked at the memories. They were soothing, almost calling out to me too. Then I looked at the elevator and reached a hand out to it, giggling as it tingled when I touched it.
What a funny feeling! What else could this escalator do? I stepped on to it and it began moving, slowly bringing me up. I giggled at the funny sensations I felt as I road it up, up, and away!
Until I got almost near the top, and suddenly I felt like lead. No, no, no! I wanted to turn back! To the memories! I wanted the memories! I felt an ache in my heart that only grew stronger and it just hurt. I didn't want to go up there! Take me back! I tried turning back. Tried going back down the escalator, but it wouldn't let me. It was too late. Then there was a blinding light and everything came rushing back.
Arthur, Helen, Percival, Daegle, and Elena and all the rest, like I was back to the present, except I wasn't. I was in my mindscape, starring directly into Kilgharra's eyes. "Merlin," he nodded.
Of course, that's what that voice was. "What's happening?"
"You need to wake up, Merlin," he told me, "You need to."
"What happened to me? I-I-I was down the escalator?" I said, freaking out a little bit, because even after I'd been down there, I was still terrified of the thing.
"You fell into a swoon, Merlin, you nearly died, but none of it matters now, because you pulled yourself out of it," he answered, "Now you need to wake up! Get out of here and wake up!"
"But-"
"Just go!" Kilgharra commanded and then disappeared. I looked around my mind scape. It was different. There were cracks now, I'd never seen cracks in here... The blow to the head, did it weaken my defenses? Or was it the exhaustion? Both?
Fuck! I went to one of the cracks, trying to fix it, but nothing I did was working. I gave up, if Kilgharra was telling me to get out of here, it was for a reason. He was my spirit guide, after all. So I did what I normally did to leave my mindscape, I just concentrated it on, but the amount of effort it took gave me a headache and it only got worse the more I pushed, but I was needed out there. For whatever the reason, I needed to wake up.
Damn it! Just wake up!
My eyes flew open and I groaned heavily as pain and everything else hit me like a ton of bricks. I was still lying on the ground. My eyes took several moments to adjust. I grumbled sitting up. I hadn't wanted to move, but I knew I had to. I took a deep breath and coughed as smoke filled my lungs. Right, fire and trees, not the best combo. I probably should've made that connection a bit earlier. Hindsight. I kept coughing as I forced myself to stand up. The smoke was getting worse by the second and if I didn't get out of here, I'd die from that alone. What direction had I even come from? I couldn't remember anymore. I was too disoriented. Well I couldn't just stay where I was. I stumbled to my left. Maybe I could find the river again. Maybe I could follow that or something.
I heard something behind me and turned to an enraged sentinel stumbling to me. He growled and came at me. Oh fuck. Where was that gun? I reached behind myself. No gun. Right, must've fallen somewhere. Shite! Think, Merlin, think!
Too late. The sentinel tackled me, blindly attacking whatever was in his way. Everything was his enemy. He was feral and he was going to kill me.
Except, I was an idiot, because if a guide was stupid enough to not be able to get himself out of this, then what kind of a worthless guide was he?
And that was just it, wasn't it? I was a guide. Great time of me to forget it. I reached out to him with my empathy and wrapped it around him in seconds. I fed him calm, soothing feelings. Feelings that I in no way felt right now, but fake it 'til you make it, right? The sentinel stopped mid-punch and gave me a confused look.
"What?" he mouthed.
"The area is on fire! We need to get out! You know the way don't you? I'm a guide, aren't you supposed to have some instinct to help me somewhere in there?" I ranted, "Get off me!"
The sentinel stumbled away from me, looking around, "Fire!"
"Yes, fire! Help us live!"
He studied me, "You're hurt."
"Now you're worried," I grumbled, sitting up again, "How about we get out of here first?"
The sentinel shook his head, then came at me again, except this time, he picked up, threw me over his shoulder and started to run.
"Hey! Where the hell are you taking me?!" I shouted, struggling fruitlessly in his grip.
"Save guide," he answered.
Great, I'm stuck with the only caveman sentinel left in existence. He carried me for, I don't know how long, because this whole thing was only making me even more nauseous and giving me a worse headache and then the fucker jumped and I was engulfed in water (Fucking water!) in seconds.
The water instantly filled my lungs, until the sentinel righted me. I coughed and struggled as he grabbed my arm and began swimming downstream. The water was even colder than before and I mumbled the spell that had worked last time. It warmed it up but not as well as before, but whatever kind of steroids this sentinel was on, the cold didn't seem to slow him down, I continued using the spell regardless.
"You're going to over exert yourself," I told him.
"Fire. Guide," he answered and continued. This is what you get when an untrained guide pulls a feral sentinel out of it. Hopefully the adverse effects could be fixed later by a proper guide. I did not know anywhere near enough to know how to handle this, but I didn't want this guy killing himself to save me either.
I suddenly had another idea. The water. Of course, why hadn't I thought of it before? I used my magic to move the water around us, trying to figure out a way to propel us forward. The faster we got to safety, the likelier this sentinel would be to survive this mess. It took me a minute to get the water to do what I wanted it to, specially seeing as I stopped heating the water to focus on this, I felt like an ice cube within seconds and the sentinel had to be worse off. My body became numb, but on a good note, I could no longer feel the injuries that plagued me earlier. Sure, I might become hypothermic and die, but who was keeping score anyway? I focused more and more on the water, finally getting us to move at a higher speed, I'm sure he noticed, but didn't say anything as I helped.
Whichever way he moved I shifted the waters to propel us until he stopped and pointed to the shore, "Safe."
I nodded, "Right, land ahoy!" and as he began swimming towards it, I stopped shifting the water. We were close enough so that he didn't need my help. He shoved me towards it before heaving himself up, but I was too cold to pull myself up, so he just grabbed me by my arm and hauled me to him.
"Thanks," I gasped, shivering as he lowered me gently onto the ground and patted my head, "Blood. Guide."
"Yeah, I think my head hit a rock or something. Is it bad?" I asked.
"Blood. Bad," he said, sniffing me.
"What in the hell did I do to you, man?" I asked, shaking my head. I was really starting to think I broke the guy. I pushed his head away, "Not helping, mate. You sniffing me is not helping right now."
He growled and grabbed my head, inspecting it. "Ugh, where are we? What's your name? Can you answer that?"
"Safe. Sentinel," he mumbled.
I groaned, "Great. This is just so great. My friends are probably dead," I began tearing up, "I probably killed them using a spell I had no business using and now I'm going to either burn or die from hypothermia in the middle of fucking nowhere with a sentinel who can't say more than five words to me. A sentinel that I broke. None of this would've ever happened if I'd just stayed in that stupid room or if I'd just told Arthur the truth. Fucking hindsight!"
"Guide?" the sentinel hummed and began patting my head, "Shh. Guide, safe."
"Ugh!" I leaned into his touch, "Whatever!"
"Merlin?" a voice I knew far too well called out.
I looked up and saw him standing there wide eyed, I blinked back the tears, "L-Lance?" The sentinel next to me stood and growled, "What? No," I grabbed his arm, "Lance is good. Lance is safe."
The sentinel shifted in front of me in a defensive crouch and Lance eyed him warily, "He's not listening," I shifted straining to stand, "Why aren't you listening?" I reached for his arm again.
"Can't you calm him down?" Lance asked, taking a step back.
"I did," I said falling to my knees, "He was feral before and he attacked me, I'm bleeding all over the place. I can't think. My shields… I can't. Lance, I can't do much more right now."
The sentinel snarled at Lance, "T-that's ok, Merlin. You need to stay calm or he's going to think I'm upsetting you."
"Lance?" I heard another familiar voice call out.
"Gwen?" I called back.
"Merlin?" she stumbled out from behind a bush, Elyan, Gwaine, Mordred and Morgana all following.
"Guys?" I whispered.
"Merlin!" Morgana called out, almost running to me, but the sentinel shifted to face her and she backed up, "Oh."
"Where's Arthur?" I asked.
"He's here!" Elyan said, "I'll go get him. They're dealing with the fire, told us to stay out of it."
"Sorry," I cringed, "Tell him I said sorry."
Elyan gave me a gave a weird look, "Tell him yourself," he squeezed Gwaine's hand and then took off.
"Ok," Gwen said, "So what's with him?"
"Merlin said he was feral and he got him out of it, but he's been acting like this since," Lance explained, "Merlin's bleeding."
"Guide blood," Gwen nodded, "This is going to be a bit rough. Gwaine, you ready?"
"When you are. Regular protocol?" Gwaine asked.
"You got it," she nodded.
"What's regular protocol?" I asked.
But Lance just put his finger to his lips and shook his head, so I shut up and stayed still as they both used their empathy to essentially put the sentinel out. I watch him topple to floor and reached out for him, "Hey, is he ok?"
"He's fine," Gwaine affirmed, "Guess you better start learning now. Regular protocol, is basically if you can't help 'em, knock 'em out."
"I wouldn't use those exact words," Gwen sighed.
"He might be hypothermic," I said trembling, "We might both be, we were in the water."
Lance ran towards me, "Blood. You're hurt."
"Yeah I know!" I snapped at him, "I don't need you to tell me that!"
Gwen approached me second, but I was a complete wreck and when she reached out to me I coiled away from her touch, "Don't!" I trembled, "They're probably dead. They're dead, aren't they? It's my fault! It's all my fault! I can't," I tried explaining, "I can't feel them anymore. They were mine and I can't feel them."
"Merlin, you're in a bad way. You're hurt, you're not thinking straight," Gwen said quietly, "Let me help you."
"No! Stay away from me!" I shrieked and scrambled away from them, "It's all my fault." I knew I wasn't making any sense, but I kept trying to reach out to Percival, Elena, Helen, and Daegal through my empathy and I couldn't feel them.
"Who are you even talking about?" Morgana asked.
"The other guides! I took them in. I promised to help them," I cried, "I promised and they accepted me. They were under my protection and now they're dead because of me!"
"Merlin?" another voice called out. A voice, I would never in my lifetime forget.
"Arthur?" I looked around wildly, "Arthur?!" Then he stepped out from behind a tree, "Merlin!" he hurried towards me.
"I'm sorry," I said shakily, "I screwed everything up. I'm sorry. The fire. It's all my fault. I don't- I didn't-I-I-"
He reached to me, and when I tried to get away, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. "Merlin, whatever happened, I'm sure you had your reasons for doing it," he tucked my head into his neck, "But if we don't take care of your injuries, I'm going to freak out. So, please, just come with me and we'll figure everything else out together, ok?"
I didn't say anything as he heaved me up and carried me towards wherever. I saw Lance and Elyan pick up the sentinel that had brought me here and it was only a short walk away to where ambulances and fire fighters were. They immediately reacted to Arthur and pulled a gurney out for me. He gently sat me down and held my hand to his nose as they checked my injury.
They spoke to him but the only words I caught were stitches, I.V. and tests. Something about dehydration. They did their best to stop the bleeding from the back of my head and bandage it up.
Then a guide stepped near me, "Merlin? I'm-"
"Step away from my nephew," a voice shot out and Gaius came quickly to my side and ripped the bandage from my head, inspecting the wound himself, "Shite," he cursed.
"What is it?" Arthur asked, fear etching his voice.
"You didn't look at the injury?" Gaius asked.
"I was afraid to," Arthur mumbled.
Gaius rounded the gurney to come behind me, "I can only assume with this kind of wound, the only thing keeping him functional and possibly alive is his magic."
"Kilgharra," I explained, "He said I had to wake up."
"He had the right idea," Gaius agreed.
"Kilgharra is a dragon," I continued, "He smiled at me."
"I'm sure he did," Gaius said indulgently, "Now stay still. Arthur make sure he doesn't move."
"What are you going to do?" Arthur asked.
"Hopefully, heal him," Gaius answered as Arthur took hold of my shoulders. Gaius placed his hand on my head and I heard him say, "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare mid þam sundorcræftas þære ealdaþ æ!"
Everything went white for me for several seconds and then the world came slowly back into view, into focus. I felt my empathy expand, and took off into my mindscape without thought. I watched as it rebuilt itself. The big cracks on the walls of the tunnels and passage ways becoming even sturdier than they were before, my shields re-strengthening. Kilgharra appeared in front of me, "I'll watch over it until it's done," he told me, "Go back to your sentinel. You've done well."
"Thank you," I nodded, "But I have to check on my guides first." And I thought of my link to them, the four of them and I felt them alive and well and… scared. Fuck, they'd gotten caught. I left my mindscape and hopped off the gurney, grabbed Arthur by the neck and slammed my lips into his, it took a split second for him to react, then he placed his hands on my waist and pulled me to him. I kissed him like my life depended on it, opening up and allowing him to deepen it. The kiss was messy, warm, and comforting all at the same time. I let my fingers trace his neck just at the edge of his hair, as my other hand gripped his shoulder in desperation. I followed his lead and for several moments I let myself forget everything before I pulled away.
I reached my hand to my bruised jaw, "That hurt, but so worth it."
He laughed and put his head on my shoulder, "Sorry, I got caught up in it."
"Not your fault," I said, placing a kiss on the side of his head, "Now let me go. I got some more people to hug." He groaned but relented and I got assaulted by my closest friends, but I didn't have to time for a long reunion, so after about thirty seconds I yelled, "Enough!" I pushed them all back and ran to my uncle, "Thank you, Gaius." He pulled me close and then let me go, arching a brow, "You seem in a rush."
"My guides," I nodded, "I have to go save them, they've been caught. I love you guys, but no time for long reunions right now. That crazy bitch is planning to sell 'em and I promised to get them home safe."
"Your guides?"
"I'm the alpha guide, right?" I nodded, turning away and grabbing two guns from a couple of guard's holsters, "They're mine and I gotta protect what's mine."
"Wait, alpha guide?" I heard Arthur ask, but ignored it, there would be time for explanations later.
"And the guns?" Uncle asked, following me as I took off.
"It's not for me. I don't know shite about guns," I said sprinting, I felt them, I wasn't sure how, but I knew exactly which direction they were and I wasn't going to let them get any further.
"Who is it for then?" Gwaine asked, keeping pace with me.
"Percival and Elena, if I can manage to give it to them, it might give me an advantage," I answered.
"So they're not dead?" Lance asked from somewhere behind me.
"No. My head was broken, I couldn't use my empathy right, that's why I couldn't guide that sentinel properly and why my shields were a mess. Hell my whole mindscape was a mess. I couldn't even process things normally," I shook my head, "After this I want food! Lots and lots of food and a shower! No! A bath! By the way, how long have I been gone for?"
"A week," Arthur answered from my left.
"An entire week and you couldn't even find me?" I scowled, "Worst sentinel ever."
"You're out here in the middle of nowhere, you think it's that easy," he argued.
"It took me mere hours to escape and make this place an inferno and that's without all your fancy training," I rolled my eyes, "You need to step up your game, Arthur. Hey uncle, I don't remember being up for an entire week, how'd they keep me alive?"
Arthur murmured something incomprehensible, but didn't argue.
"I.V. most likely or with the proper potions," he answered, "We can check for needle marks."
"They definitely drugged me and the others, the needle marks might be tough," I sighed, "I'm kind of littered with bruises right now, Percival might be out on that count too, but maybe the other three we could see. They were less injured than us two," I took a hard right and kept going.
I heard Arthur let out a growl and I grinned, "Chill, caveman, I did just as much damage, if you haven't noticed."
"Yeah, we noticed," Lance laughed.
"By the way, how's the fire?"
"With all the wizards and the fireman, we've managed to contain it and working towards putting the rest of it out. The fire itself was pretty big," Arthur answered.
"I hope I didn't hurt too many people," I cringed, "I didn't know it was going to explode like that when I used the spell."
"What spell," Gaius puffed, "were you trying to use?"
"I was just trying to make a ball of fire and create a distraction, but it was huge and then bam! Soon as it landed the ground was shaking and that's when I smashed my head and subsequently knocked out," I shook my head, "I think I remembered the wrong spell."
"Sounds like it," Mordred agreed, "You should've just told me, I would've taught you."
I stopped dead in my tracks, "What if's are pointless, Mordred, don't even waste your breath," I said anger rolling through every part of my being as I continued, "There's a reason why this happened. It was meant to. Morgause picked the wrong person to play with. Morgana?"
"Yeah?" she asked.
"She's an enemy," I turned around and looked at her, "She's the kind of enemy you kick when they're down and you keep them down. You get me? No stops."
Morgana took a deep breath and cracked her knuckles, giving me a devilish smile, "Leave it to me."
"As for everyone else, first priority is to retrieve my guides safely," I nodded, turned back around, tucked the guns as best as I could on my waist and stepped right into Morgause's sightline. Her and her people already had their guns cocked, but with Arthur's army, their show was pointless, that was of course, until she grabbed Helen and pointed a gun at her head, "This one isn't loaded with tranqs," she warned. I looked around and saw the rest of them in the back of a pick-up truck, tied up, mouth's taped.
"I figured," I nodded, "How about a trade?"
"Trade?" she quirked a brow.
"I'm worth more than all of them combined," I smirked, "You know that, besides, that sentinel of mine, I told you about?" I tapped Arthur's arm and watched her face twist into a snarl in recognition of him, "Yeah, that's him."
"No!" Arthur said grabbing my arm, "Not again! You are not leaving me."
I laughed and patted his arm, "I'm sorry, Arthur, but that's not up to you. My life, my decision."
"You're-"
"Not yours to control."
"Merlin," he pleaded.
"I've already made up my mind," I removed his hand from my arm, "I love you, Arthur, I do, but seriously, if you're not with me, you're against me and if you're against me then fuck off, cause you're in my way," I took a step forward, "What do you say, Lady Morgause? Deal or no deal?"
"You for two of them," she crossed her arms, "Then we have a deal."
"Fine, but I get to pick which two," I shot back.
She arched a brow at me, and I pointed to Helen, "Her and him," I said pointing to Daegal.
She signaled to one of the guards and he untied Daegal's legs and dragged him to her. She could've just used them as hostages to escape. She should've, but her need for revenge against the Pendragons was stronger. That was her first mistake. I narrowed my eyes and stepped half-way through to them, this situation being all too familiar.
Two guards stepped forward holding Helen and Daegal and as they let them go, I let them grab me and haul me towards her. My hands being placed behind my back as they placed me in front of her. She aimed her gun at my head before looking at Arthur with a smile, "We'll be leaving now."
I let them take me to the pick-up truck, put my hands in cuffs, and kneeled calmly near Percival, inching my way to him, I tilted my head at him, "Seriously? You got caught? You totally suck, you know that?"
He gave me a dirty look, but didn't answer… well, couldn't answer anyway. I mumbled the unlocking spell and slipped the cuffs off, as quietly as I could. I was annoyed at the guy holding the gun to my head, but kept my mouth shut. Shooting me now would just be stupid anyway. I slid my hand to my waist and pulled one of the guns out. The guys hadn't patted me down, guess they were more worried about everything else. That was her second mistake.
I pressed my side fully against Percival to hide the gun from view as I slid it to his hands, he took it and I released him from his cuffs, too, then leaned back away from him and looked at Elena, across from me and winked at her. I watched her tense body become more lax as she nodded at me in acknowledgement.
Fire and trees don't mix. You want to know what else doesn't mix? Fire and cars. I leaned myself back, picking my butt from off the truck, keeping my hands behind my back, to see the front of the truck and gingerly raised my hand out, "Forbærne! Ácwele," I created a ball of fire, sending it to the hood of the truck. Bam! The truck jumped and I ducked as Percival pulled his gun and shot the guy who'd been holding a barrel to my head.
I smirked and reached for the tape on his mouth, snatching it off. "Ouch! Shite, Merlin!"
I rolled my eyes, "We don't need a second crybaby in the group."
He smirked and shot the other two guards in the truck bed with us, then pointed to his feet.
"On it!" I leaned over and unlocked his legs, while Elena started attempting to talk to us, "Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!"
"Yeah, one at time," I told her and reached for her legs next, then tumbled to her side to unlock her hands. Grabbing the second gun from my waist and thrusting it to her. She reached up and took the tape from her own mouth. We heard shooting begin around us soon after.
"We have to get out of this truck," Percival informed us.
"Yeah," I said, ducking down, "How exactly?"
"I don't know, it's your plan," Percival said crouching further down as more shots went off.
"I don't have a plan," I snorted, "Winging it."
"You really should start thinking things through more often," Elena huffed.
"I'll take that into consideration, for now how about you guys help me figure this shite out?"
"Now who's being bossy?" Percival chuckled.
I grinned at him and crawled to the end of the truck bed and peered out. There was a battle going on between Morgause's guards and Arthur's army.
So I stood up to get a better view, bullets were flying, wizards were fighting, guides were attacking guides. Arthur was in the middle of a battle with some sentinel I didn't recognize. It was all chaos. I let out a low whistle.
"I have an idea," I said in a sing-song voice.
Percival peered out the truck bed now, "Yeah?"
"So like we all have that empathy thing, yeah?"
"Uh yeah," Elena said, crouching by Percival.
"So how about we use it? You know, Gwaine just told me, if you can't help 'em, knock 'em out," I explained, "So why don't we do that."
"You forgot one thing there," Percival said grabbing my shirt and yanking me down, "I'm not trained."
"Neither am I," I argued.
"Yeah, but I'm not like you," Percival shook his head.
"No, you're better," I began, "Listen, just like sentinels have instincts, so do guides. Just trust yourself and fight like you know how to and if you screw up, don't worry about it. I've probably done worse by now."
"That's another thing," Elena added, "Merlin, you really need to stop playing with fire."
"Bite me, Elena," I shot back, "If you haven't noticed I kind of have no idea what I'm doing."
"I would've never guessed," Percival snorted.
"Yeah, just don't tell Arthur, ok?" I quickly said, "I told him that I know what I'm doing and I'd hate for him to gain the upper hand in this relationship by catching me in another lie so soon," I cringed, "Man, we are going to have so many trust issues."
"Sounds like it," Elena nodded, "But he should've been able to tell you were lying. Sentinels are trained for that."
"I've been lying about being a mute since I was like 8, ok? Besides, nobody ever asked me directly if I was a guide until recently, since I got tested and never got sent to guide school everyone just assume I was a mute."
"How the hell did-" Elena started.
"Let's just get out of firing range first," Percival interjected, "Then you can ask him whatever the hell you want."
"Fine," Elena consented.
"Ok," I nodded, "Now, try to focus on just the people who don't have a dragon emblem on them, that's what Arthur's people are wearing."
"Ok," Percival nodded, and we stuck our heads back out, "Are you sure I can't just shoot 'em?"
"You don't have enough bullets," Elena answered.
"Well give me your gun," Percival said.
"No," Elena answered quickly.
"Guys focus, please," I scolded. I looked at one of the sentinels closest to us and picked him as my first target. I cloaked him with my empathy, as far as I knew, the best way to knock someone out was through a powerful suggestion. I was sure there were probably other ways, but this one had already proven itself useful to me, so I went for it. I had the guy down within minutes and smirked, turning to look at Percival, "Now you try and don't get frustrated if it takes you longer. Practice makes perfect."
"I guess there's no time like the present to learn," he sighed, "Can you at least give me a hint of how you did that?"
"I don't really know that much about different methods," I explained, "I just send a very powerful suggestion that they can't fight against."
"You can also mess with their senses and send them into a zone out by sending them strong negative emotions, they'll hyper focus on something not being able to handle it and zone out," Elena told us, "Negative emotions and strong suggestions are your easiest methods of attack. They work on mutes, sentinels, and whatever guide's shields you can break through."
"What about wizards?" Percival asked her.
"Their magic interferes with our empathy," she said, "We can still fight them but it can be tricky or take more power."
"But I did it," I said furrowing my brow, "I don't remember doing anything different."
"Yeah, but you're also a wizard, Merlin, chances are that your magic affects your own empathy. I can't tell you how exactly, but I'm sure it changes something for you," Elena nodded, "It has to affect your empathy somehow, and that's probably why it might be easier for you than the rest of us."
We heard a loud thud in the truck bed and I watched as Lance joined us in our crouch, "Merlin, you really picked the worst times to start guide education 101."
"Hey, Lance!" I grinned, "Guys this is my best mate. Lance meet Elena and Percival."
Lance gave me a baffled look, "Uh yeah, hi and you guys say I'm the airhead? Just follow me, we can do a proper meet and greet after this shite."
"Well somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed," I answered, hearing Percival snicker at my response.
"Just follow me," Lance snapped, crawling to the side of the truck he'd jumped in from. "He's usually more personable, I swear," I said defensively.
Lance turned around and glared at me and I shrugged, "What?"
"Why aren't you freaking out right now?" Lance asked.
"Honestly, I just don't have the energy or the will or the space in my head or maybe it's the adrenaline or maybe l've just totally lost it," I answered, "I just can't bring myself to react right now, I really can't and, I don't have the time to care, so lead the way."
Lance watched me for a few seconds, I could see the concern in his face, but he let it go, "Yeah," he said swinging himself over the truck's side and out of sight.
"Lady's first," I waved my hand at Elena.
"Of course, now you choose to be a gentleman," she shook her head at me and followed Lance.
"You next," I told Percival, watching him narrow his eyes at me and say, "You aren't coming, are you?"
I gave him a small smile, "My sentinel needs me by his side and I need him by mine. Just stick with Lance, he might be all Mr. Attitude right now, but he'll keep you safe."
Percival sighed, throwing his arm over my shoulder and giving me a brief squeeze, "Stay alive, soldier," he ordered.
I shook my head at him, "I'm not a soldier, I'm a knight of the round table and, right now, my king needs me," and with that I jumped out of the truck and crouched my way towards Arthur, doing my best not to get shot and take out as many people as I could until I reached him. He was in the middle of a fight he was easily winning, but I sensed something off with him, anger rolling off him in waves. I watched as he moved far too fast for the other sentinel to keep up, as he broke his bones and crippled the man without batting an eye. He was terrifying and lethal and, in some small, very deep and dark part of myself, and only in that part of myself, I could quietly admit the whole thing was kind of hot. The bigger and more rational part of myself, realized quickly that this was not normal Arthur. The man fighting in front of me right now, was… One extremely pissed off sentinel. "Holy shite," I blanched, "You're fuckin' feral."
How was this even possible? Feral sentinels, they just attacked. No, thought process, you know? But he wasn't exactly acting that way, he was calm, calculated. He was still attacking, but it wasn't just blindly throwing fists in the air. He knew. Was this a prime sentinel thing? Leading the tribe, even while fully losing control? I was a little impressed. Regardless, though, I knew I had to stop him.
I couldn't help it, I hesitated. He wouldn't attack me, right? I mean, feral or not, I was still his guide. I shook the thought off and did the only thing I could think to do. I embraced him with my empathy and lowered my shields to him, like I'd done the first time. Exposing myself to him fully. He turned slowly to face me, his expression fixed with indifference as he approached me, to stand inches away from me. I closed my eyes and penetrated him.
I'd never entered anybody else's mind scape. Never attempted it. Too afraid I might leave a trace of myself behind, but I always knew I could. I could always see the point of entry. Sometimes a door, sometimes stairs, a street, or an alleyway.
Nothing like this, though, nothing like Arthur's. I was in the outskirts of it. His was a literal castle, a kingdom, a fortress of stone, surrounded by a moat. The only way in, was from the front a tall bridge that had been drawn up. I walked towards it slowly, tilting my head up to it. I'd never seen such a defense put on a sentinel's mindscape, in my experience, they were generally much simpler, unless their guide had built defenses around it, but I hadn't done that for Arthur, not yet anyway. So how had Arthur done this? And, more importantly, how was I going to get him to lower the bridge and let me in?
I chewed on my lip as I stared at it. How would a proper guide get into their own sentinel's mindscape? I laughed at my own question. A proper guide would've probably picked an easier to manage sentinel. "Hello?" I called out, "Arthur? Care to let me in, mate?"
I waited a moment before sighing loudly, "Well, there goes that idea." I tapped my foot impatiently and groaned, "Can't anything be even slightly easy for me?!" I glared at the bridge, "Open sesame!" and yeah, nothing happened after that either. What would happen if I wasn't able to get in? What would it mean if a guide couldn't enter his own sentinel's mindscape? The thought of Arthur leaving me because of it flashed in my mind, leaving fear in its wake.
Wow.
No, no, no.
Uh-uh.
Not gonna happen.
I was not going to get this far, finally accepting everything and nearly dying way too many times in a weeks' time to lose Arthur only because the bloody bastard had to be such a tool that his fucking mindscape had to be a fucking kingdom, moat and all! Ugh! "Kilgharra!" I yelled out, "Kilgharra! Where the hell are you when I need you?!"
I heard a deafening roar behind me and turned around to see Kilgharra standing there, looking impatient when he said, "Yes?"
I blinked at him, "Didn't think that would work."
"Merlin," he said in warning.
"Right," I said looking between him and the castle, "I was uh wondering, if you would be so kind as to do me this small," I raised my fingers and bending the index finger to almost touch the thumb, "small, tiny, miniscule favor for me."
Kilgharra narrowed his eyes at me, "Merlin," he said in frustration.
"Um I kind of need a ride," I continued, ignoring his tone, "The bridge is drawn up, you see, and Arthur is obviously not able to lower it, so I was hoping to, you know, fly over it, except, unlike you and all your majestic-ness, I have no wings. So if you could just lend me yours for a bit."
Kilgharra roared at me, but then lowered himself to where I could climb up to his shoulder blades, "I'll take that as a yes," I said running over to him. "What exactly should I hold- Ahh!" my words were cut off as Kilgharra took off into the sky. The ride was short lived and unreal. The wind, speed, the feeling of being up in the air was a rush. In seconds, he was landing and shaking me off, then disappearing without a word, "Thanks!" I called out to no-one, picking myself off the ground, "Appreciate it." I looked around to see something quite indescribable. It was a town, medieval style, with merchants and people, except the people weren't people, they were scents, words, impressions. Everything represented something else. I had a feeling that Arthur's mindscape was much more than I could ever hope to comprehend. The input of information was astounding, but I could see red. Things were out of place, the people moved stiffly, almost painfully so, nowhere near as smooth as they should be. Instinct told me to fix it, but I had to find Arthur.
I threw my hands up in the air and began running towards the castle's entrance. I knew Arthur was in there somewhere, I let my feet guide me, hoping that the guide in me knew the way to him. I ran through long stone corridors, whizzing by rooms that were far too big, some filled with people, others empty, desolate almost. For a second, I had thought I'd seen a shape that looked like Gwen, but I disregarded it. I kept going until finally, I reached two wooden French doors and I stopped in front of them. I placed my hands on to it and pushed the door open, what I walked into them was a… chamber. A bed chamber, it was messy and there was a long wooden table and huge canopy bed off to the side and I just wanted to stay here and explore the entire room.
I placed my hand on one of the bed posts, seeing a lump under the covers. I crawled towards it, pulling the bedding to the side as I came to the headboard.
"There you are," I said to Arthur's distraught sleeping face. It seemed that the prat was having a little nap, while I was out here losing my mind, how wonderful! I growled at him and tapped him on the forehead, "Wake up! We've no time for naps!" I wasn't exactly surprised when he didn't respond, but I also wasn't sure what to do, so I ripped the covers all the way off him and blushed at the sight of his body. His chest was bare and he was very well muscled, his skin looked smooth. I frowned at how tense his body seemed, he was sleeping but nothing about his body language said relaxed. I looked around the room for a moment, before straddling his waist. I reached to his arms, running my fingers over his skin, before beginning to rub soothing circles on his chest, slowly allowing my hands to roam and massage the body underneath. At first, it didn't seem to be helping him much, until I felt him twitch underneath me.
"Ah, so you are feeling this then," I said with a smile and continued my ministrations for several beats longer, before leaning over and placing my lips on his, trailing soft kisses from his lips, to his neck. I paused for a brief moment before sliding myself down his body, kissing and biting his chest. Stopping when I heard a groan, I looked at him and asked, "Arthur?"
With closed eyes he grabbed my arms, pulling me up and pressing his lips to mine. He kissed me savagely, tearing into my mouth, biting my bottom lip, all fiery passion. I moaned into his mouth, sliding my tongue along his. It felt so real, my shaky fingers, the softness of his lips, the feel of his body underneath mine. I pulled away, "Arthur?"
"Merlin," he whimpered, pulling me against chest, "Merlin, you're here."
"I'm here," I agreed, "I'm right here and I need you to take back control, Arthur," I started sending him soothing emotions, "I need you to come back to me."
"They hurt you," he growled, "I smelled your blood. They hurt you."
"I know," I nodded, "And I hurt them, but I need you to let go of that right now. I need you to stand by me, fully. I need you."
Arthur nodded his head against my chest and I ran my fingers through his hair. "Let's go," I commanded.
We left his mindscape together and coming back, Arthur was curled around me. His face burrowed into my neck, his arms wrapping me against him, "I could definitely get used to this," I mumbled, relaxing into him.
"Me too," he sighed, pulling back and smiling at me, "You guided me."
"I did," I nodded, "Somehow."
He laughed and kissed my brow, "I want to pin you down and bond to you right here and now."
"Here?" I looked around, "I thought you were more of the romantic type, you know? Candle light and maybe, I don't know, a bed?"
He snickered and squeezed me, "Not into any outdoor kinks, then?"
"Outdoors, I think I can manage, it's the fighting and everyone looking thing. Not into that."
"At least now I know, you're not an exhibitionist."
"Is that alright with you?" I waved my hand towards people, "Or is that what you're into to?"
"I'm quite alright with having privacy in these matters," he said, nipping at my chin.
"Good to know," I answered. Arthur grabbed me by the neck and twisted me around as he struck someone who'd come towards us, "Got to admit, seeing you fight. I can get behind that."
He whirled me around and pressed me into his chest, "Like that, do you?"
"A bit," I nodded.
"You should watch me spar sometime," he grinned.
"Do you do it shirtless?" I peered at his chest.
He snickered, "I can."
"Sounds like a date," I grinned back to him.
"So it does," he then shifted me behind him, "For now, let's just get you out of the mess you got yourself into."
"Well if you insist," I answered as he kicked someone away.
"You're going to be the end of me, you know that, don't you?" he said breathlessly.
"I could say the same thing about you," I said, raising my arm and blowing someone away.
He paused for a moment at the sight my magic and pointed at me, "You have a lot of explaining to do."
"I know," I cringed, "But not right now, right?"
"You're not going to be able to put it off for much longer," he said, smacking me in the arm, "I can't believe you lied to me."
"I was going to tell you," I answered, "I just wanted to get to know you first."
"Know me well enough now then?"
"No," I responded, "But, at this point, the veil has been drawn, I've decided the best course is to accept it all, plus Gaius said I would die if I didn't bond and I could do worse. Really, what do I have to lose?"
"Die?" he twitched, as he punched the face of an attacker, "Die?!"
"Well, not right away, I don't think," I replied, "Hopefully."
"I should really just rip your clothes off and make you mine."
"I'm already yours, besides I like the idea of a bed and privacy," I shrugged, "And we're already platonically bonded."
He turned to face me then, "Soon as we get back home, we're going to bond," he ordered.
"I'm not 17, yet," I answered, "I don't know if we can and I don't like being ordered around about it."
"If we're already bonded platonically, I'm sure we can bond physically, and it's an order that you will follow," he smirked, "And you will like it. I'll make sure of that."
My eyes widened, "You really mean it, don't you? You really expect us to bond as soon as we get back? You don't even know me!"
"I know you're my guide, that's enough for now, we can worry about everything else later," he said, twisting the arm of a man behind his back, "Is that not enough for you?"
"Not really."
"It'll have to be."
"Arthur-"
"You already told me you love me, Merlin. You love me and I, you," Arthur arched his brow, "Are you saying that our love is not enough? Or are you saying you didn't mean it?"
"Of course, I meant it!" I growled at him, "But-"
"But nothing, we can take our time with everything else, after we bond. After I'm assured that no-one else can try to take you from me."
"Arthur," I knew my face looked stricken, "I don't want to bond because I have to."
"You don't have to, Merlin," he sighed and placed a hand on my head, "You could reject me if you want," he lifted my hand to his face, pressing his lips to my fingers, "I want to bond with you. I want the knowledge that you're wholly mine. I need it. I want to show you exactly what you mean to me and prove to you what that truly means, if you give me opportunity. If you trust me, if you allow me, I want to show you for the rest of my life, just how much I love you."
"I want to be a doctor," I blurted, "Like Gaius. I want to go to whatever college I choose. I want to travel. I want to live in Albion. I want to stay with my family."
"We can do all those things."
"You have a tribe to lead."
"So do you."
"What if we end up hating each other?"
"I'd never hate you."
"You're perfectly content with moving permanently to Albion?"
"I like Albion and if I choose it as my headquarters, who exactly if going to stop me?" he crinkled his nose, "London stinks anyway."
"What about your father?"
"What about my father?"
"What if he doesn't like me?"
"I don't care if he doesn't like you, he's not the one that's going to bed you, is he?"
"And your mother?"
"She passed away when I was a boy."
"Oh." He bent down and placed a kiss on my neck and I shuddered.
"Stop thinking," he whispered, "Stop worrying. We were meant to be, Merlin. We always were. Everything else can be worked out. We can figure it all out together."
"Together?" I questioned.
He locked eyes with me, "Together. Always together."
I nodded slowly, "And you're certain this isn't a plot to get me to not run away anymore?"
He smiled gently, "You've caught on and here I thought I was doing so well."
I leaned to him and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, "You're a git."
He kissed my temple, "I'm your git."
"You are my git," I exhaled happily, "Let this be the one and only order you ever give me. It'll be the only one I'll ever accept."
"So long as you don't get yourself into any more trouble, I'll never attempt to order you to do anything," he promised.
"Deal," I smiled, "Also, I promised to move in with Gaius. I don't think he'll let me get out of that so soon."
"I wouldn't expect him to," he chuckled, "Your uncle is just as stubborn as you are."
"Seriously, you guys?" Mordred's voice interrupted us, "What is it with you two and picking the absolute worse times for this kind of shite? Get a room already!"
"Would if we could," Arthur answered.
Despite himself, Mordred cracked a smile and shook his head, "Morgana needs help, she's fighting that Morgause lady."
"Lead the way," I said stepping towards him. Mordred nodded and took off, with us trailing behind him, occasionally dropping down to dodge the flying bullets.
I knew Morgause wouldn't go down without a fight.
I also knew there was no way I was going to let her win.
Morgana, Mordred, Gwen, Lance, and everyone else. They were my tribe, my people and I would be damned if I let her hurt them or anyone else.
She should've known better than to underestimate me.
That was her third mistake.
A/N: After making you guys wait so long for that last update, I decided that the only thing I could do to make up for it was do my best to get this one typed up, edited, and posted as soon as I could. I now am suffering from over-typing-itis and must break from this for a bit. After all my pain and suffering, you must all better be grateful and get me cookies! You hear me?! I want cookies! Hope you all enjoy the chapter!
Songs used in this update:
Fireflies by Owl City
See You Again by Elle King
A Thousand Years By Christina Perri