Chapter 17: Meeting The Old Man

Arthur forced me into a suit.

I don't know where he even got the suit from, considering I didn't remember owning any but he pulled one out and told me it was in my best interest to wear it.

I scowled at him up until the point I started drooling at him in his own suit. I was both turned on and jealous that he seemed to be so comfortable and confident in his own clothing. Where as I felt like I was wearing someone else's skin and pretending it was all good.

I was quiet as we loaded into the car and I felt my nerves slowly beginning to get the better of me. I mean I was meeting Arthur's father! How could I have agreed to this? I barely knew the kid and now I was agreeing to meet his dad? Who was known to be a hard ass? What if he tells me I can't be with Arthur? I would die. I'm so ridiculously attached to him. Every part of me is just waiting for the moment to be able to fully embrace him. He's already a part of me. This was a terrible idea. I don't know what I was thinking.

"Stop the car," I mumble.

"What?" I hear Arthur to my right.

"Stop the car! I know you heard me!" I screech.

"Stop the car," he commands.

"What were you thinking agreeing to this?!" I start shaking, "This was a terrible idea."

"That's what I told you!"

"Arthur! What were you thinking?" I huff.

Arthur studies my face for several moments, takes my trembling hands in his, "Merlin, I need you to take a deep breath."

I did as he told me and he smiled, "Now another one."

He had me take several deep breaths and placed his hand on my chest, "You're ok."

"I'm ok."

"He's going to love you. You don't need to worry about that, ok?"

"Ok."

"Are you calm?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize."

"You don't need a guide that has panic attacks at the drop of the hat."

"You just went through a bunch of craziness, it'd be weird if you didn't have anything going on at all. It'll get better."

"Yes."

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead, "Are you ready?"

"Kind of."

"I'm going to be with you the entire time."

I nodded, took another deep breath, "I'm ready.

He nodded to the driver, "Let's go."

He held my hand the rest of the way, rubbing soothing circles on my palm. It hadn't been the first time I had a near panic attack since I came back. This was mild in comparison to other ones I'd had, but it still made me feel weak and helpless and I was feeling enough of that lately. Could hardly dress myself and despite what I told Arthur, it really bothered me a lot more than I let on. Not to mention the cane, I hated the damn cane. I wasn't sure if the platonic bond was sending him my emotions or not, since he never said anything, but every once in a while, he would give me these looks like he knew exactly what I was thinking. Like now, he knew I was about to have a melt down and he calmed me down. It wasn't that he noticed I was upset, it was how quickly he noticed that made me think he did feel my emotions. When I told my guide therapist that even though I had a bond with Arthur I wasn't sure that I was getting any of his emotions, I was assured that this was normal between platonic bonds. I was also told that it could have to do with the overwhelming amount of emotions I had going through me right now, that I could be receiving his emotions and not even be able to tell.

It was moments like these that made me feel like the latter was true. That the reason Arthur was able to respond so well to me lately is because he could feel at least a small part of what I was feeling and he was immediately able to decide the best way to treat me. This made me feel like a bigger loser. It was supposed to be a two-way street. We're supposed to take care of each other and yet Arthur was the one doing all of it, while I was busy trying to come up for air from the tornado of feelings I was constantly trying to tamper down.

Nobody said it out loud, but I knew why I was like this. They keep saying things like you went through a very traumatizing experience, but I was 99% sure that what really hit me was Nimueh. More specifically my killing her. I didn't know how to deal with it and I didn't know how to rationalize my actions away. I didn't even know how to talk about it. It happened and I knew I had to deal with it, but what could I even say about it?

The driver pulled to a stop and I took my time getting out of the vehicle. Arthur's dad was staying in the only hotel in Albion. It was a Marriott and it looked nice from what I saw. I was nervous and hardly focused on my surroundings. I let Arthur lead me into a conference room on the first floor, it was filled with people and right in the center, was definitely a presence. I knew instantly who I was looking at and his assessing eyes immediately shot to me. I felt him making decisions and judgements before we even reached him.

"Father," Arthur spoke, "This is Guide-Wizard Merlin Ambrosius. Merlin, this my father Sentinel Uther Pendragon."

Uther stood up and smiled politely, "It's an honor to finally meet you, Guide-Wizard Ambrosius."

And yeah, I have no idea what got into me when I said, "Oh no need to be so formal, you're practically my father-in-law."

I felt Arthur stiffen beside me and saw Uther's eyes grow wide as I kept going, "Should I call you dad, too?" Oh great, I was word vomiting again and I had no control over it.

That got Arthur laughing, "What?"

I shrugged, "What? Is that weird? That's what Lance calls Gwen's dad."

Uther let out a rigid chuckle, "Uther is fine."

"Stiff," I mumbled, "Fine, Uther. I have some shite to talk to you about."

"Merlin, language," Arthur scolded in-between boats of laughter.

"What?" I scoffed, "Did you fail to tell your father I have no manners?" I looked at Uther, "I have no manners. Can we just talk?"

Uther was silent for several beats before saying, "There are several people here I want to introduce you to."

"No thank you. I'm too tired right now for nonsense and it's really noisy in here."

"What?" Uther sounded extremely offended.

"Father, Merlin is still recovering from some severe injuries and still on some pretty strong pain medication. What he's trying to say is that right now is obviously not the best time and he only came here with the intention of meeting you," Arthur quickly covered.

"Yes, that's exactly what I meant to say," I agreed easily, "The pain killers give me no filter. My deepest apologies."

Uther seemed to calm down a bit after that and nodded, "I understand. Strong medication can certainly have some adverse effects on us."

I bit my lip at the statement. At this point I was 100% sure Uther thought I was high on pain meds. Which was in no way true. If anything, I was taking way less than the prescribed dose. I wasn't a pill guy.

Uther nodded at the men, "Leave us, please," though it came out more like an order than anything else. Everyone listened, leaving us alone in the conference room. I let out a deep breath and put my hand to my forehead, "Can I sit now?" Without a thought I moved to one of the chairs and slowly lowered myself down. Arthur was by my side in an instant, kneeling down, "Are you alright? Maybe we should go home?"

"Go home? I've barely done anything and you want to take me home already?"

"Merlin, you're-"

"I know," I groaned, "I'm supposed to be on bedrest, but whoever listens to their doctor anyway? I'm fine."

"You're in pain," he frowned.

I lowered my hand and looked at him, "I'm fine, really. Nothing I can't handle, yeah?"

He frowned but nodded, clearly not happy with my decision, but respecting it for now. He stood up and looked at his father, "As I explained, Merlin has some questions to ask you and since he's not feeling well, I'd like to keep this short. Can we just get right down to it?"

Uther nodded and sat across the table from me and Arthur took the seat next to me.

I closed my eyes, trying to stop the growing headache I was feeling. "Well, Merlin?"

I reached out with my empathy and lightly grazed Uther's shields, "Do you mind?" I asked.

"You may," he answered.

I carefully penetrated his shields, taking my time to not damage them or him. The goal was to go in deep enough to know he was sincere without going too far. Right as I settled into where I wanted to be I opened my eyes and saw him starring widely at me. "Right so, it really is nice to meet you, Uther. Arthur talks about you quite a bit."

"You broke through the shields," he said dumbfounded.

"I didn't break anything," I said frowning.

"Dad, he's an Alpha guide, remember? He's pretty powerful."

"Right," he said, still sounding a bit flustered. I guess he wasn't expecting me to be able to do that, "Right," he cleared his throat, "Arthur said you had questions."

"Yes, 'bout Morgause," I nodded, "You labeled her as un-bondable, why?"

"She killed someone," he stated.

I gave him a hard look, "So did I."

He sighed and shook his head, "She killed her father while in a fit of rage. She was placed in a facility and after years and years of therapy she didn't improve. Several therapists all said the same thing, she could not bond. She can't open herself enough for a bond. Even if we did find her sentinel, she would end up hurting that person more than helping. She cannot manage her emotions, she could not create a proper shield. There was little hope of that ever changing and so I decided that she should not bond for her own protection. How worse would she be if she ended up hurting her own sentinel? Still I continued her therapy, in the hopes that perhaps one day she would improve. Placing any guide or sentinel under that label is the last thing I'd ever wish on anyone, but then she broke out," he picked up a file, "Since she's been back in custody it seems she's worse now than when she left. I'm not sure she'll ever be able to improve. The things she's done have only further darkened her heart."

I felt Uther's emotions while he talked, and I knew he was genuine, "Are you always so personally involved in the life of criminals?"

He gave a surprised look and answered, "Morgause was the daughter of a dear friend. I took them in after the incident."

"So then you knew the whole family well? What happened to their mother?"

"She passed away from illness."

I leaned forward placing my arms on the table and stretching my hands out, "But Morgause has a half-sister."

"Both from the same mother," he agreed.

"And since you knew the family so well, you would know who the father of the second child was?"

I watched Uther tense up, "I would yes."

"Who's the father?" I felt a pang of shame hit Uther and my jaw dropped, "B-but you placed her in adoption."

"I had her placed with an excellent family."

"Why?"

Uther scrunched up his face, "Do you have any idea what that kind of publicity could do to my family? To her? How many hardships she would have to face if the truth of it came out?"

Arthur spoke up then, "What are you two talking about? Who's her father?"

Uther's eyes bore into me, a clear command to keep my trap shut. I leaned back on my chair and crossed my arms, arching a brow. When he saw that didn't work, he changed tactics to pleading with me with his emotions. I looked away from him, "He's my sentinel," was all I said.

That made Uther stop, sentinels and guides didn't keep secrets from each other. Not for long anyway. Even if I kept my mouth shut for a while, Arthur would probable get it out of me sooner than later.

"I am," he said quietly, "She is your half-sister."

"What? What are you talking about?" For the first time, I felt his emotions I knew this was a shock to him.

I reached over and hooked my hand around his. Sending him a strong wave of calm, "No wonder," he whispered, "She smelled so familiar," he gave me such a confused look, crossed between calm and anger, "How?"

Uther looked ashamed, "It was after your mother passed. Vivienne and I comforted each other. I never meant for it to happen, but it did and I did what I had to for both of you. I did my best to protect you both. Morgana has never wanted for a thing in her life and she's been safe and happy."

Arthur looked lost and I knew it was time to leave. He needed to think, but I had one more question. So I squeezed his hand and looked at Uther, "One last question."

Uther looked at me, visibly relieved by the distraction, "Go on."

"I killed someone," I started, "Someone who was my friend," I looked around, "Assuming you've had access to my files, and don't bother telling me otherwise, I'm sure you know everything. Even with that information, you still fully believe me capable of being a proper guide to your son?"

"Yes," he answered calmly.

"Thank you. We have to go now." I sent Uther some comforting feelings before ending my connection. We all stood and I shook his hand, wishing him a good day, while Arthur was quiet and robotic in his movements. Still he followed me automatically and I was grateful for it. My body wasn't exactly up to attempting to pull him out of the room. We wordlessly entered the vehicle that had dropped us off and I curled myself as best as I could around Arthur. Placing one hand on his neck and pulling his nose to the crook of my neck. I stifled the note of discomfort at the way I twisted my body, hearing Arthur's appreciative sigh and feeling him pull me closer, I knew that it was worth it. I kept sending him calm emotions, but I didn't want to stifle his own, I wanted him to be able to work through what he felt.

As soon as we got home, we both changed into pajama bottoms and cuddled in bed.

"Not ready to talk yet?" I asked.

"I never knew. I should've realized when I met her."

"She's a wizard, they smell differently, besides it's not like you knew it was a possibility. You're mind just didn't have the information to make the connection."

"I have a sister."

"Yes and she's an awesome sister. I'm really jealous."

"Thank you," he shifted and moved to look at my face, "For being you."

I placed my hand on his cheek, "I know you're upset with your dad and you have the right to be, but if you think about it, you just gained something amazing. Morgana is an incredible person and she's already a sister to me."

He smiled, "You're surprisingly optimistic for someone who has a pretty paranoid personality."

"I'm only paranoid because I've had to keep a secret since primary. It helps to hide when you're constantly worried about getting caught. Keeps you on your toes."

"We would've probably met a lot sooner if you hadn't."

"But I wouldn't have met my friends."

"That's true and you would've been a super sheltered baby, not allowed to make any of his own decisions."

"Exactly."

"No where near as spunky as you are now."

"Ok."

"I love you for it, but still I wish I'd met you years ago."

"Me too."

He leaned down and kissed me, whisper soft and teasingly. I sighed as we blended into each other. His tongue stroking my own, his body pressed carefully against mine. The intensity a slow perfect build. His scent was masculine and clean, slowly wrapping itself around me. I moaned into his mouth feeling a mixture of safety, love, and complete lust. It was one of those moments where my mind was completely blank and all I could think of was Arthur and how truly incredible he's been. He's been my rock and I wanted so badly to return that. Every little bit that I get to know of him, the more I want to know. The more I feel for him.

Arthur slowly pulled away from me and I pouted. He grinned and kissed my forehead, "I don't think I'll ever be able to express how extraordinary you are to me," he whispered.

I smiled and yawned, then frowned, "I'm not tired," I said almost immediately.

"You've been spending most of your days sleeping and not moving, of course you're tired."

He repositioned us, making sure to be careful how he placed himself around me. "I want to stay up with you."

"I'm tired, too," he whispered, "It's been a stressful day, let's take a nap. Gaius will wake us when he gets home."

"Fine, but if you happen to wake up before me, you better not let me sleep."

"Deal," he yawned.

I so wanted to keep talking to Arthur and kissing him, but the exhaustion my body felt overtook me. Feeling him wrapped around me and holding me securely against him made me feel steady and relaxed. I let my eyes fall closed. I dreamt of Arthur's warm hands and charming smile.

I dreamt of standing next to him and the both of us walking side by side to a better future.

I felt like I was seeing the stars that were lighting the way out of the tunnel and I was finally ready to follow.