Chapter 18: Mom? Dad?

A couple of days later, I woke to Arthur gently prodding me awake, without saying much of anything he helped me to the bathroom, washed me up and helped me get dressed. Lead me to the kitchen to see Gaius, who smiled at me, but didn't say a word. Gaius had gotten into the habit of asking me thirty questions every day.

We ate in silence and I was fed my meds. Anti-biotics and pain killers.

Yum.

It was several more minutes of silence that started to eat up at me.

"What exactly is going on?" I gave them both suspicious looks, "What are you two hiding?"

Arthur looked away, shrugged and left the room.

Gaius just looked at me, "Patience, Merlin, you must learn patience."

"Patience for what? You're both being weird."

Arthur came back and smiled, made a motion as though he was zipping his lips, locking it and throwing away the key. I narrowed my eyes and he looked desperately at my uncle. Gaius waved him back out of the room and he left quickly.

"What is happening?!" I yelled out, but Gaius ignored me. I sat brewing at the kitchen table for a full ten minutes before the door bell rang and I heard Arthur call out, "I'll get it!" before hearing his fast steps running towards it.

He opened the door but I couldn't hear much so I slowly got myself up, I barely made it two steps before Arthur showed up and stood by my side staring at the doorway. Gaius took flank on my left and soon the two people I was last expecting to see came into the room.

"Merlin!" she cried as she made it over to me and pulled me into her arms, "Mom?" the word felt foreign. I loved my mother, but today I felt like I was being embraced by a stranger. Still I hugged her back, "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. We hadn't known! You went through so much and I wasn't by your side! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should've been here!"

"It's ok," I mumbled as she let me go and took my face into her hands, tears in her eyes, "You were always such a strong boy, Merlin. To be able to do everything you did, you are truly growing into a very strong man."

I nodded numbly as I looked at her. She looked different. She had a deep tan and she looked young, but weary. Had I caused those stress lines? My eyes shot to the man standing patiently beside her, eyes full of shame. "My work caused us to be away," he said when he noticed me looking, "We should've both been here for you."

My mother let me go then and took a step back as my father hugged me tightly and then let me go. I didn't know what to say. I was sad, angry, and happy all at the same time.

"You're right," Arthur spoke first, "You should've been here. He needed you and you couldn't even make a phone call."

I started to cry, "I needed you," I repeated, "I really, really needed you." They both bowed their heads in clear regret. "I'm glad you're ok, but I'm angry at you both. You were supposed to call."

"Don't blame your mother, son, it was my-"

"You are both to blame," I interrupted, "You both have responsibilities to your own actions and we made a deal and you broke it."

"I'm sorry," my mother cried, I saw her face crumple.

I looked at Arthur unsure of what to do. He placed his arm around my waist and squeezed it, I felt him give me strength. I knew I had to let this go, these were my parents and what they were doing was the norm. I loved them, and dragon training was in my father's blood, it's what he did. My mother knew that and she loved him for it. Being with him made her happy. I had to accept them for all of their faults. Just like Arthur was willing to accept me. I looked back at my parents, "I forgive you, but if you do it again I won't speak to you anymore." My mother hugged me again.

"Tell me everything," she whispered. My parents and I went to the living room and I laid my head on my mother's lap, my father sat on the floor and listened to everything I said. We all cried. I felt pathetic and happy to have them there. My mother said she wouldn't travel with dad anymore, but I convinced her to go. I knew it wasn't perfect and maybe things would've been different if I had them around more often, but my parents were who they were. They were great people and traveling together made them happy and that's what I wanted for them. My mother promised never to allow such a huge time lap again. Eventually Arthur joined us too and they asked him a lot of questions, my dad welcomed him into our family.

At some point Gaius talked to them both privately. Arthur told me he was reprimanding them for not staying in contact with me. I nodded. I felt happy they were ok. A part of me that had felt lost, was put together again. Arthur told me that if they lost contact for more than a month, he'd send people out for them again, until they got the point. He wasn't letting me go through life always worried about them anymore.

We all ate dinner together and my parents stayed over at Gaius's house with me. It was nice having everyone together.

I woke up earlier than Arthur did this time and watched him sleep. He seemed peaceful. My parents had come in yesterday and I still hadn't been able to bring the subject of his dad back up. I wasn't sure how he was feeling about it now.

I was a terrible guide.

I closed my eyes.

I kept feeling like less than, unable to measure up to Arthur, but maybe he wasn't as far ahead as I thought. Maybe he and I truly were on par and mind just needed to untwist long enough to see it.

I hoped so.

I really, really hoped so.

If we weren't on equal grounds, then I didn't know how I was going to be able to handle being with him. I was already afraid of the loss of control I felt all the time since coming back. Everything was unraveled, all my secrets were out, I was relieved and stressed by it all at the same time. I never had any control over what my parents did, I didn't have a choice on becoming a guide or a wizard. Now, I didn't know what I did have control over. My secrets were out and I was weak in so many ways, but still Arthur stood by me. He always gave me a choice. He didn't take over and make everything his way and I knew this. I knew, but a part me still feared that maybe, maybe I was wrong. I didn't know how to trust myself like I used to.

Then there was the love I felt for him. I wanted to be the one he could lean on. I was really attached to him already. Gaius had told me that it was normal for me to feel strongly about my sentinel, because I wouldn't be able to continue without one, that, when I found mine, my body might go into over drive to make the mating happen as soon as possible. It was supposed to be some type of self-preservation, but it didn't feel that way to me.

It didn't feel like I just wanted to jump on him and fuck him. I wanted to be what he needed. I wanted to be connected to him. It felt like love and it all happened fast. So fast. I was enchanted, and I let him in, just a bit, and that was enough, enough to make me want to fight for him. Enough to make me want to develop that love. I could survive without Arthur (well maybe not forever), but, regardless, I didn't want to. I knew he'd always stand by me and I wanted to stand by him. I wanted him to be my family. I wanted him to be in my life permanently. Is this what Gwen and Lance felt? What Mordred felt?

What Arthur felt?

I took my shirt off and looked at my chest. I stripped down the rest of the way. The cuts, the bruises, the worst ones were still wrapped. Was Arthur truly attracted to this? I looked like a mess.

I looked at his beautiful sleeping face and I knew the handsome body hiding underneath all that cloth.

I acted without thinking, pulling the blanket off of him, I felt him stir a bit, but ignored it and looked at his chest. Arthur never slept with a shirt on and most of the time he tried to talk me into doing the same. He liked feeling as much of my skin as he could and didn't care that half of it was still bandaged up.

I bit my lip. Arthur's chest was strong. His shoulders were broad, his arms big and muscular. Veins could be seen sticking out on his forearms. I reached for his shorts and started pulling them off, stopped by Arthur's hand.

"What are you doing?" he mumbled half asleep.

"Looking," I explained.

"What?" He rubbed his eyes and opened them a little wider as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, "Are you naked?" he whispered.

"Yes," I answered, and he let go of my hand letting me start tugging on his shorts again.

"Why?"

"I was looking at something."

"And you had to do it naked?"

"You've seen me naked before."

"Not entirely naked."

"Would you lift your hips already? You're making this impossible."

He did as I told him, letting me pull his shorts off the rest of the way. Then he sat up and pushed me down on the bed.

"What are you doing?" I growled.

"Looking," he answered as he moved slowly down to my feet, I lifted my head up and watched as his eyes hungrily took me in. I shivered as he whispered, "Are we just looking?" he said placing his hands on my ankles and rubbing my calves gently, "Are we allowed to touch too?" I swallowed hard and nodded.

He lifted up my left leg and kissed the area his hand had touched, "What about kissing?" I mumbled an attempted yes, but I'm not sure if it was coherent. He smiled though, like he knew what I meant, kissing my leg up to my knee and doing the same to the other. His hands glided all the way up to my waistline, keeping one there and bringing one further up as he moved up my body, my legs spreading for him without any thought. "You're so beautiful," he said quietly. Leaning forward, placing his hand next to my head and kissing my eyelids and my nose and cheeks. I brought my lips to his and felt his tongue prod for entrance, I moaned into his mouth, letting him in.

He groaned as he tasted me, I wrapped my arm around his back, pulling him closer, but it was a mistake. I tensed in pain as I felt his weight on me and he stopped moving and sighed, pulling away and lifting off of me and as he settled on to his side, he asked, "Are you ok? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

I groaned in frustration, "No, so do we really have to stop?"

"Yes, if we continue I'll end up hurting you," he nodded solemnly, then smiled, "But it's not like we're in a massive rush, Merlin. We can take our time."

I turned to look at his face and smiled, "I know, but waiting sucks."

He grinned and nuzzled my nose with his, "What were you looking at anyway?"

"I was trying to figure out why someone who looked like you wanted someone who looked like me."

"By seeing me naked while I slept?"

"I was trying to find some type of deformity. I figured that would be a good reason."

"You're an idiot," he said narrowing his eyes at me, "A complete idiot. Yeah, so your body is banged up right now, but that doesn't mean you aren't sexy. Your body is beautiful. Your slim figure and soft skin is tantalizing in the best of ways. Your eyes are the color of the deepest oceans, untouched and pure. I could drown in them. Your hands fit perfectly in mine. Everything about you is perfect to me. From your cute ears that turn red when I kiss you to your slender feet, I love all of it. You have to stop questioning that."

I blushed and nodded, "I'm sorry. I feel like I've lost every ounce of confidence in myself since I came back. It's been getting better, but I'm just…" I trailed off, not knowing how to finish my sentence.

"You're readjusting. Maybe once you heal more and start going to school again you'll start feeling more yourself. I'm starting to think, it's not just the physical wounds we should wait to heal. I don't want you to bond with me when you're feeling so low. What if you're doing it for the wrong reasons?"

I frowned, "What?"

"I love you, Merlin. I love even the parts of you that I don't know about," he nodded, "I love your crazy and your paranoia and how smart you are, but that means nothing if you don't love yourself. I know you're down and I will stand by you while you work through it, but I don't want to bond until you're fully healed. Mentally and physically."

I tensed, "I'm getting better."

"Yes, but you can't deny you've been off and if we're going to do this, we're doing it right. With the both of us standing next to each other and if you can't do that right now, then I'll wait until you're ready. We're equals, Merlin, and when we bond we're going to start our union on the right foot."

"Fuck," I turned away from him, "You suck."

"What?" he grabbed my shoulder, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I can't argue with you when you're being so reasonable and mature," I whispered.

He let go, "Not what you wanted to hear?"

"Yes and no," I grumbled, "And you're the idiot."

"Are you ok with what I said?"

"Of course, I'm ok with it. You're right."

I felt him shuffle closer and press his nose into my neck, "What was that? Couldn't hear you."

"I said you're right," I elbowed his ribs and turned over to him, "Show off."

He grinned, "You're adorable," he pulled the blanket over us, "Are you ready to get up or are we staying in bed for a while?"

"Bed?" I pulled the blanket right back off, "I'm sick of staying in bed." I swung my legs over and carefully put on my bottoms, I went to the bathroom and washed up, then stumbled back into the room and found him hiding under the blankets. I grabbed it and ripped it off, "Up! I said up!"

"No!" he groaned, "No up!"

"Up!" I said again, "Up, princess!"

"It's too early!" he argued.

"Early? It's light out already! If you don't get up, I'm getting dressed and leaving the house without you."

He grumbled and got up, "I'm up! Don't go anywhere!" he threw his shorts on and stumbled out of the room and I started dressing myself. It took effort and it was slow going, but I was mostly dressed by the time he came back in. I threw my socks at him and sat on the bed, "Help me, peasant!"

"First I'm a princess and now I'm downgraded to peasant? How'd that happen?"

I shrugged, "Princesses don't complain as much as you do."

He rolled his eyes, picked up the socks and shoes from the floor and kneeled down in front of me, "For you my prince? Anything."

I snickered, "You're ridiculous."

He shrugged, "Then I match you perfectly."

I smiled, "Hopefully, soon you won't have to do this kind of thing for me."

He finished with one foot and began putting my sock and shoe on my other one, "I like taking care of you."

"That's good and all, but this isn't the way I want you to take care of me."

"I know, I'm just saying I really don't mind," he said placing my foot back on the floor.

"Thanks, I guess," I stood, "You get dressed, I'll get breakfast started."

"Be careful, you know you can't bend over for too long. In fact, you can't do much for too long, maybe you should wait for me."

"I can cook some eggs just fine on my own. It's not hard," I said leaving the room. I walked to the kitchen to find my mother cooking breakfast. It was rare sight indeed.

"Good morning, Merlin," she said smiling to me.

"G'morning, mom," I said sitting at the table, "So I've been curious, how long are you and dad staying this time?"

"Well until you heal," she answered, "At minimum, but we'll be staying in our own house the rest of the time we're here. There's simply not enough space here for all of us."

"Cool," I smiled, "Bring me anything neat?"

She grinned, "Your father has your gift."

"And I plan on giving it to you now," my father interrupted, he pulled a small pouch out of his pocket and handed it to me.

I opened it and a necklace came out, with stone of kaleidoscope colors as the pendant, "Wow, what kind of stone is this?"

"It's not," my father answered, "It's a dragon scale."

"What? I've never seen one like this."

"Neither have I," he said sitting down, "It's what we've been tracking for the last 6 months. Still haven't found it's source. It is excruciatingly rare dragon. I haven't found a book that mentions one with such color."

"I bet it's beautiful," I smiled, "Almost like my own."

"Your own?" he asked.

I grinned, "My spirit animal is a dragon, dad. It's way cool."

My mother laughed, "You truly are your father's son."

"What species is it?"

"I have no idea, his scales almost look like this one, though, they have more gold in them," I explained, "I've never seen another one like him and his name is Kilgharra."

"Kilgharra?" my father nodded, "Do you think you could ask him what kind of dragon he is?"

"I could," I nodded, "But I don't know if he'll know or not, spirit animals are different."

"Of course, they are," he agreed, "Do you think I could see him?"

"I wouldn't mind showing you if I knew how," I shrugged, "But I'm not even sure that it's possible to show a mute."

"You're a pretty powerful empath," Arthur cut in, "So I don't think it's outside the realm of possibilities. You know, my father has been recommending me some good guide tutors for you. If you're ready to start learning, I can set an appointment for one to come here. Maybe we can find out from them? Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Ambrosius."

"Oh dear, please call me, mom. You are family after all," my mother quickly spoke.

I looked at Arthur instantly. Would something like that bother him? But he simply smiled, "Thank you, mom," Arthur turned to look at me, "It seems my family has been growing in strides lately. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up."

"Don't worry, I'll help you keep them all in order," I smiled back at him.

"My what a lively morning," Gaius said coming in, "Good morning all."

"G'morning, Gaius, can I ask you a question?"

He patted my head, "When have I ever denied you knowledge?"

"Do you think it'd be possible to show a mute my spirit animal?"

"It wouldn't be a first for a mute to see one," he spoke, "however, that being said, I've only heard of accidental sightings, I'm sure I can do some research, but even with that, there's not much to be read on alpha guides in general. I don't think it's impossible, perhaps when you learn to better control your empathy and communicate more with your spirit animal, you could try to find a way."

I nodded, "Will you look into it and see what you can find for me?"

"It's an interesting subject. I'll be sure to research it," Gaius consented.

"Arthur, how about you help me get this food on the table?" my mother asked.

He walked over to her and picked up plates of pancakes and sausages, while she brought over eggs and toasted bread. Arthur immediately began piling food on my plate.

"Hey! That's too much," I said attempting to stop him.

"You need nutrients to heal properly," he countered.

"I can't eat all of this," I whined.

"You've lost too much weight, Merlin," he said placing the plate of sausages down, "The doctor said so."

"Yes, but my entire stomach area is practically a giant bruise," I sighed, "It hurts to eat."

"Well if you ate the calorie bars I bought you, we wouldn't be having this discussion."

"Those bars are disgusting."

"Then drink the shakes," he said sitting next to me.

"I don't like milkshakes."

"You're being impossible."

"I'll gain weight in my own timeline, not yours."

"I don't want you to end back up in the hospital."

"When I heal some more, I'll eat more, ok?"

"I'll agree if you promise to eat at least one of those bars a day."

"Can I agree to half a bar and more snacks?"

"An entire bar and more snacks."

"Fine, but I want something for my pain and suffering."

"What do you want?"

"Can I think about it and get back to you?"

"Yeah, just don't go crazy with it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He flicked my forehead, "You know exactly what I mean."

"The helicopter ride was not crazy. It's not my fault I couldn't remember my first one."

"Landing it in your school was."

"We were picking my friends up. They deserved a treat."

"Mordred really got a kick out of it, didn't he?" he said grinning.

"I think he's seriously contemplating giving up magic all together and becoming a pilot," I grinned back.

"Does he already know what he'll be studying when he graduates?"

I nodded, "Wants to be a potions master and Morgana wants to specialize in curses and work in the magistrate. They're going to be a power couple, those two."

"Curses?"

"Yes, she wants to be a curse breaker," I nodded, "She's been into it for years. I'm glad she finally got out of the phase of experimenting on me though. That was a painful year. We'll see, they might change their minds when they get older."

"What about Lance?"

"Undecided that one," I mused, taking a bite of food, "I'm pretty sure his only future plan is to follow Gwen wherever she goes. I'm not worried though, he's the type to think fast on his feet, I'm sure he'll find his way somehow. Probably do something working with his hands. He's not really a book guy."

"I could see that, he's a smart guy," he looked thoughtfully at his food, "Wonder if he'd be willing to train to be a guard."

"Guard?"

"Yeah, you know, working for me."

"I think he'd like that actually."

"You two sound so mature," my mother said watching us.

I blushed, for a long moment I'd entirely forgotten we weren't alone. Arthur nodded, "Not much time left to think about this kind of thing."

"Nonsense! Plenty of time left," my father disagreed, "I travelled for years before I found my niche in life. Luckily, I met a wonderful woman who supported me through it all and helped me develop a career in it."

"Different strokes for different folks, dear," my mother chided, "This is the kind of thing these kiddos need to learn for themselves. Merlin, are you still studying to be a doctor?"

"Yes, mom. I'm still in the high honor roll. Grades are all up, I'm getting caught up with my school work and the teachers are letting me study from home, so I don't get held back."

"Such a surprise still," she turned to Arthur, "Merlin was never big into studies when he was young, but that all changed around when he was 8. All of the sudden you couldn't tear him away from his books, but it wasn't his normal textbooks, it was all medicinal research on guides. Nobody knew how he understood any of it."

"I didn't at first," I confirmed, "It took a while. I wasn't a hit the books kind of person either, but I forced myself to learn as much as I could to be able to hide the fact that I was a guide. It still takes effort to study, but I'm much more used to it by now, so it's easier."

"You found out you were a guide at 8? Isn't that kind of young?" Arthur inquired.

"It's not that far off from the average age, when did you come online?"

"13," he commented.

"I wonder why Merlin came online first," Gaius questioned, "Most guide/sentinel pairs come online within two years of each other."

"Maybe it was the intensity of my ability? My body couldn't help it and Arthur is a year older than me. It's only four years difference."

"Could be, but sentinels and guides are known to come online earlier in times of distress."

"I was not distressed until after I came online."

"Interesting," Gaius murmured, "I'm sure there's a reason for it. You were always a happy child, but maybe there was something that happened around that age that bothered you more than you let on. Something that triggered it."

"If there was, I don't remember it."

"I'll ask you more about it at another time," he concluded.

"When you were 8, you were living with your aunt and uncle in London," my mother looked stressed, "That was the first year we left you to travel. Do you think that could have affected you? B-brought it on early?"

"It's possible," Gaius told her honestly.

"Mom, I loved living with uncle Teddy and aunt Claurice. Whether it did or didn't, leaving me in their care wasn't a bad decision of yours at all. They took really good care of me and did their best to make sure I wasn't lonely with you two gone," I assured her, "There's no reason for you to feel bad about it."

She reached over and squeezed my hand, "Thank you, sweetheart."

"So do you two kids have anything planned for today?" my father asked, attempting to change the subject.

I glanced at Arthur and he seemed unsatisfied with the change, but took it in stride anyway, "Not yet, but I'm sure Merlin will come up with something. He's been rather creative the last couple of days with finding things to keep us busy."

"We rode a helicopter yesterday," I grinned, "Picked up my posse in the school football field. It was wicked."

"The knights all doing well then?" my mother inquired.

"Absolutely, they've all returned to school and call me every day. Oh! Arthur got me a phone that does the text thing. We've been texting now. It's crazy. It's like emailing, but quicker," I rambled, "Have you guys seen the new phones? It's like a computer in your hand! I can use the google on my mobile phone! Lance and Gwaine taught me how to use it. You wanna see it, dad?" I didn't wait for his answer as I lifted my hand and had the phone come to me from the bedroom and turned it on. "And I can take pictures on it, too. Look, mom, I'm on the inter-web!" I shoved the phone to her face.

And my father broke into laughter, "I suppose technology isn't so bad nowadays."

Arthur's eyebrows shot up, "Are you where he gets his aversion to tech from?"

"Balinor is exactly where he gets it from," my mother answered him.

"That tech stuff is what's wrong with the world today!" my father started, "Everyone is so worried about what's happening in that emailing stuff that they forget how to live their lives."

"Oh don't you start," my mother shushed him.

"Whether that's true or not, technology is a part of our world and we can't just be ignorant to it," Arthur informed my father, then looked at me, "How about we go see about getting you one of those magical pets you were talking about? What did you call it? A familiar?"

"We could go look," I beamed, "Though, Gaius said that I can't pick the animal, the familiar picks me. So, it might take a while to find one."

"Ah yes," Gaius smiled, "My familiar was an owl. Unfortunately, she passed a few years ago in an accident. What a lovely time we had together, though, she was truly the best friend I ever had."

"How did you find yours, Gaius?"

"During my internship, on my way home, I found her lying on the ground with an injured wing and took her home. Healed her and we were together ever since. She was always a clumsy little thing."

"I hope I find my own," I said in awe.

"I'm sure you will," Arthur spurred me on, "I bet I can guess what kind of animal it would be."

I looked at him, "What do you think it'll be?"

"A chameleon. Since you can hide yourself in plain sight so well."

"Naw," my father disagreed, "It'll be a ferret. Mischievous and inquisitive."

"I don't know about that, I think Merlin is more dog-like. Loyal and fun," my mother helpfully chimed in.

"I don't think Merlin is obedient enough to be considered dog-like, but he's definitely social and inquisitive, I agree with your father," Gaius, of course, putting his two-cents in.

Arthur snickered, "This is going to be an interesting experience. Would any of you like to come with us?"

"Unfortunately, I will be working today," Gaius said, looking quite regretful, "I have several appointments."

"And we have several things to catch up with today. How about you give me your new mobile number and I call you for lunch?" my mom asked.

Arthur and I agreed with the plan and took off, letting my parents deal with the dishes as per Gaius.

It wasn't long when we were at Mildred's pet shop. She had an entire section specifically for familiars and rotated them frequently with several other shops around Europe. It was done this way to try to give them the best chance of finding homes with the right wizard.

Arthur and I walked in and a nice young lady, who told us to call her Millie, showed us to the section. She told us to take our time and to try to communicate with as many of the animals as I could, if I found a match, she'd give me all the information and everything I needed to take care of it properly, but to not feel down if I didn't find one my first time.

I looked at the animals, but before I started with any of it, I turned to Arthur first, "So you haven't brought up your dad in a couple days?"

He looked at the floor, "I'm still mad at him."

"I think you need to tell him how you're feeling."

"I don't know about that, Merlin. My father isn't the easiest man to talk to."

"I can understand that he may not be easy to get through to, but you still have to express yourself. Try and tell him and get it out, even if he doesn't listen I think it'll be good for you."

"I guess, but maybe I need a little more time? It feels like it's all still sinking in."

I put my arms around his waist, "Ok. So you know we have to tell Morgana eventually too?"

"Yes, but I'm no there yet either. Plus she's going through that stuff with Morgause being her half-sister."

"I think that's exactly why we should tell her. Morgana doesn't remember her parents, in order words, right now Morgause is the only impression of biological family she has. Don't you think learning that she has a perfectly healthy and happy half-brother would be a good positive influence for her right now? Shocking, yes, but so was learning about Morgause, this would be a good shock, though. It might be hard for her at first, but I think in the long run it'll be a good thing and even though your dad didn't keep her, her parents are the bomb and he's right. Morgana never wanted for anything so far in her life. He could've just dumped her in foster care, but instead he made sure she was doing well and clearly kept tabs on her."

He shifted from foot to foot, "I'll tell her soon, just give me some more time?"

"I am," I smiled, "I'm just trying to help you put some things in perspective. I know it's hard to look at the whole picture when you're directly involved in the situation and I want both of you to come out on top on this. Do you want to talk about how it's been making you feel?"

"Confused and hurt," he answered, "Don't know what else to say about it."

I let him go, "I'm not trying to push you. Just know that I'm here if you want to talk more about it and I'll be with you every step of the way in dealing with it."

He kissed my cheek and smiled, "I know. Now go ahead and gush over all the critters here, I know you've been waiting for this. And don't bend down and don't put your cane down. Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean you shouldn't use it."

I gave him grin and went right up to each pet and cooed at them. I always wanted my own, but it was never possible to convince my parents to let me get one while I practically lived on my own. Now this was entirely different, not just a pet, a best friend. A new family member.

If you hadn't noticed, even though I've never had the most stable family, I'm big on it. I love my parents. I love my family. I love my friends. I was the type that once I got attached, no matter what happened, no matter what road we ended up on, they were always going to have a place in my heart. Even Nimueh.

I spent a couple of hours in the pet shop. Some of the familiars gave me annoyed looks, some let me pet them and others just ignored me.

Not a single one of them felt right. I couldn't help the disappointment I felt in my gut, but I knew it wasn't the end of the search. I'd have more opportunities to find him or her. Arthur put his hand around my shoulder and gave it a squeeze as we walked out, "Maybe you'll find one next time."

"Yeah, it's ok. Did my parents call?" I had given Arthur my mobile, so that if they called it wouldn't pull my attention away of finding my familiar.

"Not yet, but it's still early."

"OK," I fidgeted, "I need to sit. I think I stood for too long in there."

"Want to go home?"

"Not really."

"How about we go for a ride or to the movies?"

"Sounds good."

"Which one?"

"Both let's go for a ride for a while and if they don't call by lunch, we'll eat and go to the movies."

"Alright."

I was trying to remain calm during the ride, but the longer I waited for them to call the more nervous I got. Arthur sensed my nerves. I guess them not being able to keep in contact regularly was messing with me, even when they were only a short drive away. I was tense.

"Maybe we should call them?" Arthur asked.

"No, they said they would call."

"Ok."

"I get the feeling that we're testing them somehow?"

"No," I hissed at him and then looked away and sniffed, "Maybe? I don't know."

"They are going to call."

"How would you know that?" I whispered, "How would you know anything? I don't even know what to believe half of the time. Who can I even trust?"

"Merlin, I think you're putting way too much on the line for this one call."

I crumpled again in the car, "I'm sorry."

He wrapped me in his arms, "Stop apologizing and stop trying to keep all your emotions inside. I know you're not telling me everything. Just take a deep breath, I'm here. You can trust me."

"I know, I know. Sometimes my mind just goes to such a dark place and I don't know how to make it stop."

He kissed my forehead, "I'm here, Merlin. You're not alone. I'm right next to you. I love you. Remember that. Take a deep breath."

I closed my eyes, my body trembling, "I love you, too."

Out of nowhere a shrill ringing sounds. Arthur grabs for the phone that had somehow landed on the floor and answers it.

"Mom?" he answers and then places it on speaker.

"Hello, Arthur! Merlin? Are you there? I'm calling about lunch, honey?"

"Hey mom," I answer, my voice rough, "You ready to meet for lunch?"

"Are you ok, Mer-bear? You sound a little sick? Are you coming down with something?"

I cleared my throat and took a sip from the water bottle that Arthur handed me as he answered, "No, I think he just wore-out his throat talking to the familiars for so long."

I appreciated him covering for me, "He's right, mom."

"Ok, well, I didn't know where you two wanted to meet for lunch. Is that little bistro that I love still open? Do you remember the one, Mer-bear?"

"Yeah, Bev's is still open. Do you remember how to get there?"

"Oh good! Yes, I remember, let's go there. They have the best tea in town. I'll see you two in about 20 minutes or so?"

"Sounds like a plan," answered Arthur.

"Ok, see you in bit you two."

"See you in a bit, mom."

I watch Arthur hang up and bit my lip, feeling ridiculously pathetic at the moment.

"Stop it," he said kissing my knuckles, "It's fine. Your mind is just dealing with a lot of things at once. You have to give yourself time, Mer-bear."

I scowled at him and threw my arms around his neck, "I'm glad they called."

"I told you they would."

"No-one likes a know-it-all."

"Clearly that's not true, since you are so obviously head over heels for me."

"Quiet you," I said pulling back just enough to kiss him, "Or you'll regret it."

"Mmm if this is how you're going to punish me, I'll never shut up."

I started nibbling on his neck and he groaned and pulled away, "We'll have to pick this up later. I can't do lunch with the in-laws with a hard on."

I grinned, "Can I test that theory out?"

"No!" he put his arms up in a x, "No way. Now come on, we're going to eat!"

I laughed and felt a little better. Arthur was right, I needed to pull myself out of my head. I was here, not there. I had to find my center, if I didn't I'd never stabilize enough to properly bond with him.

The rest of day went pretty well. Lunch was nice and at some point, dad pulled Arthur away to tell him some things. Mom and I rolled our eyes at him. Then we all agreed to watch a movie afterward. I couldn't tell you what happened in it, though, I fell asleep about 5 minutes into it, but I was happy. I had so many of the people that I loved with me. What could be better?