A/N: Don't own (although I'd love to have my very own Norman Reedus :D) don't sue!
Lyrics are from 'Rain' by Patty Griffin
BEFORE ANYBODY GOES ON ABOUT PEOPLE STILL BEING ALIVE WHO SHOULDN'T BE, I'M AN EPISODE BEHIND YOU LOT SO NO SPOILERS PLEASE. THEY WILL NOT BE APPRECIATED OR RECEIVED WITH GOOD GRACE.
Rain
Chapter Eleven
It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart
Beatin' close to mine
Poundin' up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud
Rain
Lochie swore as she jerked the bandage around her leg accidentally. She was sitting with Carl in a patch of sun drawing on her bandages with marker pens. Daryl had erupted from the trees with his bow on his shoulder and a face like thunder. He'd been stomping around all day. After some general stalking around he loomed over her irritably.
"She went into town." She pre-empted him, eyes still fixed firmly on the face Carl was drawing near her knee.
"She what?" He demanded rudely. "After what happened to the A Team yesterday?" He gestured at Glenn and Rick nearby. "On her own?"
"Err, yeah." Lochie confirmed.
Daryl swore. Loudly. Carl looked astonished, and a little confused. Even Lochie frowned, trying to work out exactly how one would go about doing such a thing with a boot, even if it was admittedly rather sturdy.
"How long ago?" He demanded in an icily quiet voice
Lochie, sensing danger, kept her mouth shut. His scowl deepened and she felt Carl's small hand tighten on her calf. The sound of a car momentarily distracted them and Carl helped Lochie stagger to her feet, just in case. Cassidy emerged from the car with Shane, a bag full of something slung over her shoulder. The laughter on their faces faded when they were met by a row of frowning people. Andrea looked furious and she glared at Cassidy. Rick looked thoroughly baffled but Daryl's face was contorted with anger.
"There a problem?" Shane asked guardedly.
Daryl didn't even look at him, it was as if he hadn't even spoken. Sensing the upcoming explosion, the spectators dispersed to a safer distance.
"What's wrong with you?" Cassidy laughed.
Daryl glared, his face like stone and his blue eyes shooting sparks.
"You enjoy your road trip with the Deputy there?"
She blinked at him in surprise.
"I guess so." She examined him, taking in the red flush spreading over his chest and the death grip he had on the strap of his bow. "Why?"
"You disappeared into thin air, I thought you got bit or somethin'." He finally managed to get out.
She stared at him.
"I didn't realise I had to ask your permission to go about my business, Dixon."
"Do what the hell ya want. Just don't expect me to come after you." He yelled suddenly, his face pure white with rage under the grime. "I'm done chasin' after you people, you ain't got no sense between you."
"When have I ever asked for your help?" She asked calmly, although her hands had balled into fists at her sides.
"If you'd got attacked out there, who'd ya expect to look for ya? It ain't my job to clear up after ya'll."
"Bullshit." She snapped. "You've got your boxers in a bunch because I went with Shane."
He took an involuntary step towards her. She held her ground, glaring up at him challengingly. He had absolutely no idea why he was saying these things but they kept tumbling out of his mouth of their own accord.
"Do whatever you want with him, I don't give a shit."
For a moment she looked at him as if he'd slapped her. Her entire body went rigid, her face froze and then she seemed to draw herself into one tight ball before his eyes. He couldn't believe those words had just come out of his mouth. He half expected her to swing for him. He wouldn't have blamed her. Her lips had gone very thin, as though she was literally holding in the words she wanted to say. He eyed her as the silence stretched out, her eyes were sparkling strangely. Was she going to cry? If she had had the urge she quelled it because she merely drew in a deep breath.
"I see." The words hit him harder than her fist would have done. "Well. I guess there really isn't anything left to say then, is there."
He could have dealt with anger, violence, or even if she'd thrown that decidedly heavy-looking bag at him, but the calm coolness seeping out of her like a cold draught was literally painful. She dropped the bag to the ground, kicking it towards him. It rolled awkwardly and landed with a thunk by his boots. A packet of cigarettes jumped out and bounced into the grass. She gave him one last look, not a poisonous but more of a disappointed frown and walked away.
Cassidy eyed the goings on warily from a distance, watching Rick and Shane gesture irritably, clearly arguing through clenched teeth. They'd invited her to stay before the whole Sophia debacle but the chain of events since appeared to have triggered a dangerous change in Rick. Since they'd gotten back from their adventure looking for Hershel, Cassidy half expected him to ask her to leave. Shane cursed loudly and marched away from Rick, so intent on his stomping that he passed right by her tent. She called out to him. He glowered at her but she took it in good grace.
She settled back in her seat, tilting her chin so she could see him glowering down at her then she asked flat out if she would be expected to vacate their little paradise or not. He eyed her for a long time. Long enough to almost make her uncomfortable.
"You don't particularly care if I stay, do you?" She assessed shrewdly eventually. "I'm an asset, not a liability."
"You like Carl." He said bluntly, with the shadow of a grin. "You'd protect him."
"You're playing a dangerous game." She said, ignoring the implication. He blinked. "You're trying to get Rick to make those decisions, the kind no one should have to." She levelled him with a piercing look. "You're driving yourself out of the group, even though you know you'll never leave. Will that make it easier to go, if you make them hate you?"
They looked at each other in contemplative silence, then she turned back to patching her favourite jacket and Shane left to brood.
"What will you do if they ask us to leave?"
Daryl grunted at Lochie without shifting his gaze from the conversation taking place in the distance. While they still weren't speaking, he had not stopped his ceaseless watching. None of them seemed to realise how good Daryl was at observing people, he soaked everything in like a sponge. She had been true to her word; she hadn't said a single syllable to him since their argument the day before. She didn't even look at him either, whenever they were close by each other, her eyes slid straight past him as if he was nothing more than a tree blocking her way. It bothered him, how she could just ignore him after everything that had happened between them. He felt her absence like an itch beneath his skin. Maybe it was better this way. He realised Lochie was staring at him expectantly and he shrugged.
"That's it? You'd just let her leave?" She said incredulously, her eyebrows flying up in her hair.
He shrugged again since his voice seemed to have deserted him as he watched Shane walk away from her. He didn't actually think she was doing anything with Shane, not the kinds of things she'd done with him anyway. Still it made him uncomfortable when the idea twisted his stomach into an iron ball of jealousy. What did he care what she did with Shane in the back of that stupid little car?
"You wouldn't even ask her to stay?" Lochie continued in a voice that was rapidly slipping from shocked to tetchy.
Daryl, not picking up on the approaching danger, grunted and removed his gaze from the redhead who still wasn't looking over at them. Lochie had scrambled to her feet and was lazering the full force of her grey-eyed glare between his eyes as if she could actually bore a hole into his brain to find the answers she wanted.
"You coward!" She practically shrieked.
He looked at narrowly, half annoyed and half surprised. Glenn was the only other person nearby and he sensibly scuttled for cover.
"After everything that's happened, everything that's going on… you won't even-" She had to break off because she seemed to have run out of air, her chest was heaving as anger swallowed her oxygen. "You idiot. What if she had been bitten? What if she'd gone out there with Shane and something had happened?" She leaned closer to him and her anger was rising off of her in waves. "What if she was wandering around out there as one of those-"
"They're just shells. They ain't people no more." He interrupted before she could get into her full stride.
"How do you know that?" She hissed, quite carried away beyond rationality.
"If she'd been bitten do you think she'd still bite her lip when she finds summat funny? Or fiddle with her hair when she's thinkin'? Or squint when she's tryin' not to laugh? Play with her earrings when she's cookin' up some stupid plan? She wouldn't do none of that if she'd been bit. It wouldn't be her."
Lochie was reeling. She looked as if he'd struck her and in fact she probably would have been less surprised if he had done. It didn't occur to her that Daryl could list off a dozen of her own little quirks, or anyone else from the camp. Observing people was a part of survival and if there was one thing Daryl Dixon could do, it was survive. But Lochie didn't know any of that and the conclusion she came to was the only one available to her. As far as she was concerned the scruffy sulky redneck slouching moodily in the seat before her, had just declared his secret love for her best friend. For a moment all of her anger fled and she merely gawped at him with a goofy grin spread across her face. Daryl had been peering at Cassidy again and it took him a moment to spot that he'd clearly made a mistake somewhere. He looked at her warily, very concerned that she might throw her arms around him and hug him since the glint her eye was indicating her urge to do just that. After a moment of silence where he glared at her in confusion and she beamed at him happily, the grin slipped from her face and her brow clouded over again.
"You idiot!" She snapped with far more venom before.
Daryl was at a complete loss. Women!
"You feel that way and you'd still let us be kicked out to the wolves?"
Daryl had no idea but he had managed to grasp that when a woman speaks that way through gritted teeth, it's best to make your escape before they start throwing things.
"The two of you are perfect for each other. You're both stubborn, stupid and childish. Well if you're both determined to be miserable, I'm going to leave you to it."
Lochie thrust her nose in the air and stormed off. Daryl watched her go, confused but quite glad that it was over without any actual violence eing bestowed upon his person. He rubbed his palm over his head tiredly. Talking to Lochie always gave him a headache. He frowned when he realised that Cassidy had disappeared while he'd been verbally getting his ass kicked. He cast a look around the camp, she was the only one who could successfully sneak up on him. She wasn't around. She could be doing that daft stretching business by the house, or showing Carl some more defence moves, or showing Shane some rather impressive moves in the back of that car a little voice chirped gleefully at the back of his mind. Any moves in that tiny car would be impressive he mused irritably to escape the heat suddenly burning in his belly.
"I don't care where she is." He muttered to himself grumpily.
"Where who is?" Carl asked curiously as he dragged a sack full of firewood past him.
"No one." Daryl snarled, annoyed to have been caught off guard.
"If you're looking for Cassidy, she's helping Dale and T-Dog wash the RV."
"Wash it? What for?" He snorted in amusement.
"Because there's no good car washes about anymore." Carl said innocently, giving him a sweet blue-eyed stare that he had most definitely learnt from Lochie.
Daryl did his very best not to grin at the kid. He knew for a fact that Cassidy was almost entirely responsible for teaching him sarcasm. He tried not to think about the sharp needle that had jabbed him at her words emerging from someone else's mouth.
"She said to tell you that she borrowed one of your shirts." Carl went on, unpacking the logs out of the sack into a neat pile. "The red and black one."
That was his favourite shirt the little wench. More than that, it was an excuse to talk to her again. He found them scrubbing the soapy RV, Dale spraying the tyres with a hose and T-Dog working on the blood and gore that had worked its way into every nook and cranny. Cassidy was kneeling on the roof of the car she'd been working on, scrubbing the windscreen of the RV with a soapy sponge. He frowned when he realised she was wearing a black sleeveless top over the old white shorts. Her hair was pulled back in a French braid and flecked with suds. He grunted when he recognised that what he had first taken to be a sponge was in fact his favourite shirt being used to scrub walker guts off the huge windscreen. In today's climate, with its total lack of available clothing, that was way below the belt. He swore.
"Dixon." She said coolly without looking at him, although she did scrub a little harder at a stubborn patch of blood.
"What the hell are you doing?" He grumbled, not entirely displeased by the fact that from this angle he could see right up her shorts.
"Well I'm washing off this crap." She said slowly. "I'd explain it better but it gets a little technical."
"That's my shirt." He pointed out.
She finally looked at him and there was a tiny flutter in his chest, something that did not improve his mood any.
"You left it in my tent." She countered smoothly.
He felt heat crawl up his cheeks. He could remember in great detail exactly what had happened the last time he'd been wearing that shirt, and the circumstances that had led to it being discarded in her tent. He could tell from her lowered lashes and the smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth that she remembered it too. T-Dog was determinedly scrubbing at the RV without looking at either of them, the rag squeaking across the side. Daryl frowned, contemplating yanking her down off that roof and throwing her over his shoulder. As usual her lips curled as if she could read exactly what he was thinking, one hand still absently rubbing his shirt in a small circle on the glass. Daryl felt his hands actually twitching as he calculated how best to reach her. Low voices distracted him and he glanced over his shoulder irritably. Andrea stalked past followed by Lori. Andrea ignored all of them and stomped off with a dark look at Lori. Lori sighed, scrubbing her hands over her face tiredly.
"What's happened?" Dale asked wearily, still peering at Andrea's departing back.
Lori hesitated for a moment and then told them what had happened with Beth.
"Who's Beth?" Cassidy murmured out of the corner of her mouth at Daryl.
"Little blonde thing." He muttered back.
She cast him a dark look that he felt he didn't entirely deserve but she'd turned back to Lori before he could catch her eye. A tense silence followed but Daryl had lost interest, the kid was alive wasn't she what was the problem? Cassidy seemed to be thinking along the same lines because she'd returned to the window. Andrea re-appeared looking sulky and defiant as Dale touched her shoulder. She shrugged him off.
"I'm not saying you did the right thing." Lori said as if they were continuing their conversation from earlier without an interruption. "But at least…"
It passed unsaid that at least they didn't have to worry about a suicidal teenager running around. Dale was looking very hard at Andrea who was just as determinedly looking the other way.
"I'm not going to defend myself." She said defensively. "I did what had to be done."
"People seem to be saying that a lot lately." Dale murmured darkly, exchanging a look with Lori.
Andrea glared at them, zoning in on the one person not looking at her. Cassidy. Sensing the blonde's searing gaze, she lifted her head and looked down at her impassively.
"Don't you judge me." Andrea snapped. "I'm sure they've told you all about me. About the CDC. You don't know anything about me. You don't know what I've been through, my sister-" She broke off, looking as if she might cry.
Cassidy stared back at her impassively although Daryl could see the muscles in her shoulders were coiled with tension. He waited, wondering if she'd tell them about her own sister.
"No. I don't." Cassidy agreed and despite her perfectly steady voice, she'd gone wretchedly pale. "And you know what?" She leaned towards Andrea who took an involuntary step back. "Likewise."
Andrea looked startled for a moment and then she shrugged, flouncing off away from them. Daryl let out the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Of course not, she would never share something so personal with them. She'd told him, though. He felt his guts start to churn again. Guilt. He felt guilty. The fun appeared to have gone out of the day for her because Cassidy slid down off the roof of the car and walked away from them.
Daryl took a step to go after her and then he paused. What would he say? The word "sorry" wasn't in his vocabulary. She probably didn't want him to go after her anyway. He scrubbed his hands back through his hair. When did things become so complicated?
He found her sitting on the swing she'd built with Glenn and T-Dog. She wasn't swinging just sitting barefoot, digging her toes into the grass beneath her. Her face was pink and a little swollen, as if she'd been crying. He'd never imagined her as the crying type and the thought of it floored him now. He felt the flicker of guilt in his spine flare up. She didn't look up at him but he knew she'd registered his silent arrival because her hands tightened infinitesimally on the ropes holding the wooden seat up.
"I'd look for ya."
Whatever she'd been expecting, that wasn't it, because she shook a little as if she shivered and then she looked up. As sappy as it was, he felt a little thrill that he'd managed to make her smile.
"What?"
He shrugged, scratching at his stubbled chin in embarrassment. He actually couldn't believe he was in this position. What had he turned into?
"If you went missin'." He clarified quietly. "I'd… ya know-"
"Look for me." She concluded, looking partly amused and partly as if she was dying to roll her eyes. "Thanks, redneck. I feel safer."
He snorted despite himself.
"But not if you went missing with Shane." He added as an afterthought.
She frowned, looking up at him with her head on one side.
"Not if I-"
"Not if you were with Shane when ya went missin'." He repeated firmly.
She looked irritated for a second and then her mouth twisted and she laughed.
"You're such a girl, Dixon." She sighed with a grim smile, pushing against the ground with her toes until the swing moved.
"You okay?" He asked awkwardly.
She nodded without looking at him and her smile had disappeared.
"Of course." He could hear the swishing noise of the swing as it cut through the air, feel the breeze rolling over his face. "I didn't sleep with him, you know."
He tried to say he didn't care but all that came out was, "Would you?"
He didn't like how long it took her to answer, she seemed to be seriously considering the concept. They had never discussed what they were or what they were doing when they were doing it, he could hardly be jealous if she took a look at someone else. An apocalypse was hardly the time to become attached to somebody.
"I don't think so." She said seriously once she was done mulling it over. "He's not really my type."
He muttered something and she lifted her head to look at him.
"You asked." She pointed out when he glared at her. "I've never lied to you yet, redneck."
"Really, Cassidy?" He let the name roll off his tongue until her cheeks darkened.
"I never lied about my name." She snapped defensively. "I introduced myself as Cassidy, no one asked for my name and that was the one I offered."
"Semantics." He said triumphantly, quite enjoying the look on her face when he threw one of her own arguments back at her. He wasn't entirely sure what it meant but it seemed appropriate enough and the way her eyes sparkled indicated he'd scored a direct hit.
"That's cute."
She'd coaxed the swing into full movement and he watched her swing out towards him and then push back away. She built up enough speed to glide to her feet in one confident practised move that gave him a brief flash of what she must have been like as a small girl, all gawky limbs and fearlessness.
"If you wanted to know my real name, all you had to do was ask."
He eyed her doubtfully but she looked serious enough as she let the swing slow down beneath her.
"Are you asking?" She prompted when he continued to squint at her in that adorable way he had, cocking his head to one side and peering at her from under his lashes.
He stepped forward suddenly, grabbing the swing and jerking it to a stop. She was breathless but he didn't think it had anything to do with the exercise. His hands were gripping the rope just below hers and she was almost a head above him in her current position.
"Are you going to tell?" He asked quietly, reaching for her braid trailing over one shoulder.
He still marvelled at how she didn't move an inch, didn't flinch or tense up when he made a sudden movement. She trusted him. He tugged the tie from the end of her braid and unravelled her hair, running his fingers through the tangled locks.
"I'll tell if you ask." She taunted, leaning over him until her hair rippled into a curtain separating the two of them from the rest of the world.
He grunted disbelievingly and she grinned.
"You'd really tell me the big secret of ya real name?" He said doubtfully.
She drew back from him.
"My name isn't a big secret." She contradicted.
"No one knows it." He pointed out.
"No one ever asked." She reminded him haughtily. "What's the matter, don't you want to know it if it isn't a big secret?" She teased.
He grabbed hold of her shirt, twisting his hand into a fist and yanking her towards him. She uttered a startled cry and almost tumbled off the swing. She glared but he knew from experience that she liked it when he played a little rough.
"I'd tell you. Of course I'll make you work for it first." She leaned in so close that her nose brushed against his cheek. "Every. Single. Syllable." She breathed each word into his ear until he felt a shiver trace up his spine. "Seven letters. Three syllables. How are you going to earn them, redneck?"
He grinned, feeling absurdly pleased that she was talking to him again, no apology required.
LadyLecter47 – I waited all week, an extra day and a half because my box didn't record the episode, and there wasn't even an inch of Daryl to be seen. Just cruel. Hope you like this one too :)
SaraLostInes – I really don't get it, it's not even jealousy or anything I just don't understand what is so attractive about that character!
undeadangel – definitely :)
Synvara – she needs a good punch which she might definitely get in future chapters but I don't know about killing her off, Rick and Carl would be very upset lol
vexingvixen7 – lol glad you liked it, hope you enjoy this too
VileMalapert – he needs love, he really does bless him
Dalonega Noquisi – thanks a lot :D I'm trying to write it how Daryl might actually do it rather than turning him into some hugely romantic entirely unrealistic version of Daryl Dixon. I think I'm getting there, sort of lol
Angel Reckless – thanks very much I appreciate it :)
Lee Mayfair - :)
eloquent dreams – thanks I do try and get it as realistic as I can, to be honest I intently dislike Lori and I usually skip through her scenes out of sheer irritation so I haven't got quite a good grasp on her character yet.