A/N: Don't own (although I'd love to have my very own Norman Reedus :D) don't sue!
Lyrics are from 'Rain' by Patty Griffin
Rain
Chapter Sixteen
It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart
Beatin' close to mine
Poundin' up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud
Rain
"Well that's anticlimactic." Cassidy muttered to herself.
She'd only managed to snatch a few hours of sleep in the three days it had taken her to get back to the farm, she'd arrived exhausted and hungry to find the place overrun and most of it burnt to the ground. Great. Luckily she had chosen to sleep in the high branches of a tree rather than approach the farm in the dark and when she'd woken up it had been to a particularly unpleasant view which had shattered any hopes of a hot shower and a decent night's sleep. Okay, now what? She squinted down the scope of her rifle, scanning the area. The campsite was still there but it had been trampled by walkers. The RV was overrun by what was left of the barn. But several of the vehicles were missing. Interesting. They wouldn't have been able to leave in a convoy, so where would they go to regroup?
His bike wasn't here. That was a good sign. Of course he was still alive. If anyone could survive it was him. And if Lochie had managed to quash her more ridiculous Good Samaritan urges, she should have made it out alive too.
She settled a large dying branch from a tree a few miles away in her scope. It crashed to the ground with a loud resounding crack, attracting the walkers nearby. Cassidy sighed as she took her rifle apart and packed it neatly back into its case. She had managed to recover it from amongst the pile of weapons in the main room of the underground bunker. She had not, however, been able to find her bag. All she had left was her rifle, that goddamn dress and the clothes on her back. Her stomach rumbled and she grimaced. She clambered down the tree and sped towards the highway.
Based on the jumble of recent tracks they had definitely been through here, not more than a day ago she estimated. Tracks weren't exactly her strong point. When she was working she scoped out in advance, learnt the routine and accommodated for any eventualities. She searched through the abandoned cars for food that hadn't spoiled, munching on some rather unpleasant stale chips and tepid water. She squinted up at the sun. She had a few hours left before sundown. She looked at the cars thoughtfully. She could hotwire one but they'd been left here in the sun for so long they probably wouldn't be very reliable. She crouched down and examined the side of the car. It had clearly been emptied of any gas weeks ago. She sighed, dropping down into the incline besides the highway so she could see any approaching walkers before they saw her. It was going to be a very long walk.
Hours. That was how long she'd been walking for. Must have been. Night had fallen and she'd managed to drag herself up a tree and catch a few hours of sleep. She'd been walking again before dawn. Every bone ached, her head was pounding from hunger and the still not entirely cured fever and she felt weak and slightly dizzy. She kept walking. How far could they have gone, really? She had to stop every few hours to wait for the walkers in her path to move on or clear them out of her way. The sky was starting to darken again and she was unhappily contemplating another night with a knobbly branch sticking in her pancreas when she glimpsed a small flicker of light in the distance.
She slid her knife into her hand, wary of walking straight into anybody's camp. She almost tripped over her own feet with relief when she heard Lochie's distinctive voice. Naturally the first person to spot her was Daryl. She saw his head cock slightly, his shoulders stiffen and his hand inched towards his crossbow. His eyes burned brightly across the fire when she stepped into the circle of light, his mouth fixing into a flat line that could have been grimace or a smirk. Lochie had no such reserve. She let out a shriek that could have gotten them all killed and launched herself off the ground.
Cassidy stumbled back a step in her weakened state as Lochie's arms wrapped around her neck. She could feel her trembling against her, her cheek wet against her ear. She managed to compose herself by the time she drew back through. She scowled heartily at her.
"Where the fuck have you been?" She demanded icily.
"Lochie, not now." Cassidy sighed, looking so weary and unusually frail that Lochie grabbed her elbow and dragged her closer to the fire. "I leave you alone for a week, one week, and look what happens."
The small group surveyed her with varying expressions ranging from pleasure to confusion to apathy. Carl glared at her for a very long moment and she glared right back. He flushed brilliant pink when she wrapped an arm around him in a half hug. After greeting her happily Glenn moved away from Daryl automatically to clear a space for her and she grinned at him in amusement. She eased down onto the ground, stretching out her sore legs.
"What's that?" Lochie asked curiously, snatching the bundled dress from her lap. "Is this a wedding dress?"
Cassidy ignored the looks, taking the dress from Lochie and tossing it unceremoniously onto the fire.
"I was using it as a blanket." She said flatly.
"How did you find us?" Lori interrupted sharply as Lochie opened her mouth.
"You guys are easier to find than a puddle in a hurricane." Cassidy drawled and Daryl's lips twitched. "Familiar ground. Anyone with half a brain cell could figure out you'd head for the highway."
"I wouldn't hold out much hope for Andrea then." Lochie muttered under her breath.
She'd curled up besides Cassidy, leaning so close they were almost touching as if she feared she might vanish if she left her side for too long. Cassidy had noted the annoying blonde's absence but she had chosen not to comment just yet.
"I need a cigarette." She announced rather shakily.
She was disturbed, not by her relief that he was still alive, but by quite how relieved she was. The fear that he might have gotten himself killed had settled like a lead weight in the pit of her stomach and now that she knew it wasn't true, the bubble of fear had burst and she felt almost dizzy with relief. She was too exhausted for these kinds of emotions right now.
"You said you were going to stop." Carl said sharply from across the fire with a thoroughly disapproving frown.
"It's been a stressful week." She pointed out.
Daryl slipped the half-smoked cigarette, half cupped in his hand into her fingers. She took a long grateful drag. Cassidy could feel the side long looks sent their way. They seemed to be puzzled that she hadn't thrown herself into Daryl's arms, wailing her undying love and vowing never to leave him again. None of them could see his warm hand splayed on her lower back, keeping her upright when she was so tired she thought she might keel over. Or his shoulder, not exactly touching hers but close enough to spread heat through her whole arm. As if he read her tired mind, Rick stood up.
"You should rest." He said gently.
He looked around their makeshift camp uncertainly. Cassidy found it entirely amusing that even when the world had gone to shit Rick was still tiptoeing around polite social graces. He clearly didn't know how to broach the subject of where she was going to sleep. Daryl got up, looking down at her curiously. He was waiting to see if she needed his help to get up. She was never too tired to mess with him and she laughed, gathering her energy and climbing to her feet. She followed him away from the others after saying an awkward goodnight.
"You feel as bad as you look?" He asked, taking her hand to help her jump down a sharp slope.
"I feel like an eighteen-wheeler just made me its bitch." She snorted, stumbling in the dark and falling against his shoulder.
He grunted but didn't reply, waiting for her steady herself then leading her towards his bike parked a little away from the rest of the group. It was parked at the top of a slight incline creating a small ditch between the bike and a huge tree.
"Home sweet home, huh?" Cassidy observed.
He didn't reply. He was clearly still mad at her for taking off.
"Mind if I collapse?"
She didn't really wait for an answer, flopping down into the scratchy grass besides the bike. She curled into a ball, cushioning her head on her arms. As tired as she was, she forced her exhausted body to remain conscious. Eventually she felt him lie down besides her.
"You okay?"
She contemplated the question. She was alive. Still hungry. Still exhausted. Still a little bit shaky what with almost being raped and all. But in general, she was good. Due in no small part to his warm presence besides her seeping through the darkness.
"That depends. If I say no can we skip the argument?"
She could practically hear him scowl. She rolled over, grunting at the aches shooting through her body.
"I left for a very good reason. Look at the shit storm we're in now. If I'd found somewhere useful we could be in a bed right now."
He was silent for a long time. She watched his profile. He had one arm behind his head, the other resting on his belly. She could see the reflection of the moonlight in his eyes.
"Come on, Dixon. An apocalypse is hardly the time to hold a grudge."
She nuzzled against him, breathing in the smell of his leather vest, the blood still splashed on his bare skin and the metal tang of his crossbow. Everything she associated with Daryl Dixon. The Daryl Dixon she knew, pieced together from tiny glimpses when his guard was lowered and he didn't realise it. She tucked her arms around his, fitting her body against his side.
"You know you can't stay mad at me." She purred, creeping one hand under the vest.
He grunted again but he didn't remove her hand and she felt his shoulder relax a little against her collarbone. The hand on his stomach reached for her wrist. He drew back suspiciously when she hissed in surprised pain. He yanked her arm towards him. Joseph's finger marks were just discernable in the moonlight, the black bruises marked by angry red gashes where he'd dug his fingernails in as she'd struggled. She had never seen him look so murderous, his face had gone black with anger.
"It's nothing." She reassured him carefully, letting him examine her arm.
"Is this it?" He demanded in a strangely strangled voice.
Usually she had her body language completely under control, but she was so beyond tired that her thighs clenched tightly together before she'd even realised she was doing it. His eyes narrowed to mere slits and his fingers closed so tightly on her arm that she had to fight not to wince. He realised he was hurting her and he let go.
"It didn't get that far." She said offhandedly. "He'd been bitten, he went a bit nuts. I took care of it."
He stared at her. She wondered if he was trying to work out if she was lying to him or not. With a martyred sigh she settled back down in the grass and told him everything. As expected he swore at her at great length and in great detail when she reached the part about the tunnels. Telling him about the drugging brought a disbelieving snort and mutterings about the level of her stupidity. She hesitated before telling him about the hallucinations but her mouth had taken on a life of its own and her brain was too tired to keep up with it. He was silent through all of it but she felt his body getting tenser and tenser, coiling into a stiff statue besides her.
"Well that's my grand escapade." She muttered sleepily when she was done. "Does baring my soul score me any points?"
He grunted but his arm curled around her waist and pulled her against him so she knew she was forgiven. She snuggled against his warmth greedily, the uncomfortable ground beneath her forgotten as his body heat seeped through her thin shirt.
"This country is so screwed." She murmured dozily. "How can it be so cold when it's a thousand degrees all day?"
"You need more layers." He mumbled.
"I like this shirt."
"My shirt."
"Looks better on me. You're just jealous because it looks prettier on me."
"Don't smell too pretty no more."
"Well excuse me for not stopping to bathe while I was chasing your dumb ass all over this godforsaken State."
"Wouldn't have had to chase if ya'd stayed put in the first place."
"Jesus H Christ, am I going to have that thrown in my face for the rest of my life?"
"Yup."
"Lucky for me the rest of our lives is a short term prospect nowadays then, isn't it?"
"That's real positive. You're the dumb broad who goes lookin' for trouble."
"Dumb my pasty white ass! I've got more brains than a rickety old redneck who wields a crossbow like it isn't the same kind of ego extension as that bike."
"You got a mind like a sewer. Got a mouth like one too."
"Not now, Dixon, I'm exhausted."
"No I meant ya ain't brushed ya teeth in days."
"That's a fucking awful thing to say. You ungrateful redneck asshole-"
He silenced her by crushing his mouth against hers, gently but firmly, a short unyielding kiss which was partly exploratory and partly marking his territory.
"You don't taste too pretty yourself there, Dixon. Have you been eating raw squirrels again?"
"Shut the fuck up and go to sleep."
It took Cassidy a very long moment to realise that the sharp object digging into the small of her back wasn't a particular pointy branch but Daryl's belt buckle. After a torturously slow thought process she managed to piece together the events of the last few days. She was stiff from sleeping on the ground but she felt flushed with warmth and not from the early dawn light reflecting off the bike above them either. She stretched languorously, wincing as her bones popped and crunched from sleeping on the hard ground. Daryl's arm tightened around her waist as he hauled her closer in his sleep. She rolled over to face him. He looked rumpled and weary from whatever they'd gone through escaping the farm. He was frowning.
She scanned every inch of his face, committing it all to memory, just in case. He stirred when she brushed her fingertip along the cushion of his lower lip. His nose wrinkled slightly at the tickling sensation.
"I know you're awake." She said with a grin, propping her head up on her arm. "A squirrel ten feet away wakes you up when you're in 'survival mode'. No way you can sleep through being groped."
The corner of his mouth hitched slightly but he stubbornly kept his eyes closed anyway.
"Can't say the same for you. I was on watch a few hours ago and you didn't even blink."
"Yeah well I haven't slept properly since the farm. I could have been eaten in the middle of the night and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have cared."
"Ya shiverin'." He finally opened his eyes, the vivid blue mere inches away.
"The sun hasn't quite managed to reach scorching temperatures yet." She mumbled, her eyes fluttering closed. "I'll be back sunbathing in no time."
His hand was resting on her waist, spreading warmth through the thin shirt. She cracked open an eye, wondering why he wasn't trying his luck given their relatively isolated position. She looped an arm around his neck, hauling him closer against her.
"We're all alone over here, Dixon." She whispered against his stubbly cheek. "Any ideas on how to welcome me back properly?"
She wriggled closer until there was barely a millimetre between them. She'd never felt him handle her so gently, even when he had been grieving he had never been tender but his lips were soft and barely there, his fingers were moving in small relaxing circles through the thin shirt and he couldn't seem to bring himself to put his full weight on top of her.
"Okay what's going on?" She demanded irritably.
"What?"
"Why are you treating me like I'm made of glass? I don't like it."
"I just thought-" He screwed up his face as he searched for the right word. "You might want me to be… a bit more…"
"Dixon, if I wanted a gentle sensitive lover the last person I would have gone for would be you."
He glared at her, looking thoroughly affronted and she grinned. She slipped her hands under the vest, running her fingers over the contours of his body through his shirt.
"Have I ever asked you to be gentle? Have I ever given you any indication that you were being too rough or that I didn't enjoy you being rough?"
"What happened-"
"Fuck what happened." She said curtly. "It was a small incident and I have moved on. I do not need you to treat me any differently than you have in the past." She eyed him beadily. "Christ, you've not gone soft on me redneck, have you?"
The argument was cut short by the sound of approaching footsteps and Daryl reached for his crossbow.
"Don't shoot me I'm too annoyed to die." Lochie snapped as she threw herself down into the grass besides them.
"Don't worry, you weren't interrupting or anything." Cassidy said testily.
"Yeah well, I wish that harpy would stop interrupting me when I'm groping her husband." Lochie said sulkily.
Cassidy stared at her.
"You did what?"
"Oh don't get your panties in a knot. He kissed me."
Daryl muttered something under his breath, rolling over away from them both and apparently falling straight back to sleep.
"Did it occur to you that that's a bad idea?"
"Oh balls." Lochie swore mutinously. "I like him and I know he likes me. He's hardly the type to go around randomly kissing girls, is he? That horrible witch has been giving him the cold shoulder since she found out about Shane and he doesn't deserve it. It's all her fault anyway. If she'd kept her legs together then Shane wouldn't have tuned out of Sanity FM and he'd still be here."
Cassidy tried to process all of that but her brain was still too tired.
"Lochie." She said slowly. "Go away."
She rolled back over, curling into the hollow of Daryl's back. Lochie stuck her tongue out at their backs before flouncing off moodily.
The next time Cassidy woke up the sun was burning hotly and the rest of the group were gathered nearby. They seemed to be discussing what they were going to do now. She went to join them, feeling surprisingly refreshed. They were talking in circles. They needed to keep moving but on foot they were too vulnerable. They couldn't stay here forever either. Everyone was hungry and irritable. Daryl seemed to be off somewhere trying to hunt some breakfast so Cassidy took a deep breath, reined in her natural irritation at being amongst people and told them that there was nothing back the way she had come. She gave them a very simplified version of her ordeal, merely telling them that she had found a set of underground bunkers which were overrun and nothing else noteworthy along the way. It was quite obvious that she was lying, Maggie's gaze flashed briefly down at the bruises circling her wrists, the split lip and the blood smeared in her hair, but no one questioned her.
By the time Daryl returned with a few squirrels, they had argued themselves a full circle and were scattered around killing time while Rick thought things through. Carol took the squirrels from him and settled down with Hershel and Beth to see what they could do with them. Cassidy did not miss how Daryl checked in with Rick before he came to her. The interaction didn't worry her or anything but it was an interesting development.
She was sitting on the grassy verge, Lochie trying to get the worst of the tangles out of her hair. Lochie made herself scarce and Daryl sank down besides her, hunching over his bent knees and not looking at her.
"Glad ya back." He grunted so quietly she had to strain to hear him.
"Me too." She said to the grass between her feet.
"'Specially now I don't have to go lookin' for ya like I said I would." He muttered, squinting hard at the trees before them.
She smiled feeling ridiculously awkward, especially when she realised that the tingling in her hands was because she really was dying to throw her arms around him. My god what had he done to her? She was turning into a total drip. She clasped her hands tightly together, inclining towards him slightly instead. Their shoulders bumped, spreading a flush of lightening through her entire system. All of the tension and the fear and anger she had been keeping locked away at the base of her spine since she'd first encountered those three strangers was struggling to surface and she knew that if she gave in she might not be able to pull it all back when she needed to. So she swallowed it.
He seemed to sense that just as he had needed her silent comfort when Sophia had died, now she needed something from him. No one was paying them any attention. T-Dog was napping from the early watch Maggie and Glenn had just relieved him of, Lori was talking to Carl by the cars and Lochie was surreptitiously keeping a protective eye on Rick as he paced thoughtfully. Daryl hesitated for just a fraction of a second, then he leaned closer against her, exerting just enough pressure to pass on the message. She briefly returned the pressure, momentarily letting her guard down long enough to rest her weight against him and let him shoulder the burden.
If he saw the tiny tears which trickled over her still bruised cheekbone or felt the way her entire body trembled, he didn't comment and after a while she drew back, reeled everything back inside and was ready to face them when Carol announced breakfast.
LadyLecter47 – thanks here's some more for you :D
eloquent dreams – I can't wait for Merle to come back so I can decide how he's going to handle my characters :D very excited!
LittleRin26 – absolutely
SaraLostInes – that was my thinking, there shall be plenty more Lochie/Rick to come don't you worry
Synvara – here's your update, hope it satisfies