A/N: Alrighty. So um I haven't updated in a while. Sorry. I just haven't been feeling the writing bug lately. This chapter is okay. It's nowhere near my best and I apologize. It's been a hectic summer for me and lots of things happened, not all good. I'm really distracted and it's kind of affecting my motivation to write. Anyway. The second half of this chapter is Anidala smut. I thought they were long over-due for some sexy time, lol. So Chapter's Rated M.

Chapter Eighteen

New Beginnings

It was Anakin's third appointment.

This time around he was somewhere else in his mind. Padmé knew he was falling into the force to help him with the pain.

There was a film of sweat on his face, the little beads gathering over his brows. He was trembling, but he seemed calmer than the two previous times.

He was making soft, whimpering sounds. Almost like he was having a nightmare.

Padmé touched his face and he smiled with eyes shut.

After it was all over, she cupped his face in her hands.

"I'm so proud of you."

He looked tired and his eyes lacked their normal glow, but she saw some the blue in them flicker to life a little bit when he smiled at her.

The Coruscant skyline was a deep cobalt blue and the skyscrapers glittered with freshly illuminated lights. Jacen was in 500 Republica's veranda, standing absentmindedly by the bubbling fountain. His eyes looked distant and the city wind ruffled his hair. He was so still that he could be mistaken for a statue instead of a living, breathing boy.

He heard the hum of Anakin's hover-chair and looked away from the fountain. Seeing Anakin with the appearance of a cripple made it difficult to let go of the guilt.

Anakin smiled.

"Padmé has dinner ready."

"Do you mind bringing my dinner out here?"

Anakin was silent for a moment. He looked expressionless. "Everyone eats at the dinner table. Meals aren't eaten separately."

"I don't belong at that table." He said quietly.

"Any friend of mine belongs there. You're already in our home, aren't you?"

"I'm not your friend."

"Yes, you are. And when the legal measures are taken, you'll be my son."

"Maybe I don't want to be your son." He said bitterly.

Anakin looked disappointed; his eyes seemed a bit dimmer.

"You can either sit out here and go without food or you can eat with us. Your choice."

Anakin went back inside.

Jacen felt even more guilty. But maybe if he was ill-tempered enough, Anakin and Padmé would change their minds and put him in the refugee program. That way he wouldn't be reminded of his guilt. That way he wouldn't feel so bad about what happened to Anakin.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Padmé.

She was wearing a pale blue dress made entirely in flowy fabrics, the sleeves were loose and draping and the skirt which hit her at the ankles was pleated vertically. Bathed in the city light, she looked like an angel.

Jacen felt a bit less depressed.

"C'mon, Jacen. You need to eat."

"I'm used to starving."

Padmé saw Anakin's nine year old face flash before her eyes for a second.

She blinked away the memory.

She touched his cheek.

"We care about you, Jacen. I know that is a foreign concept for you. I know it may take a little getting used to, having that sort of bond with someone. But we want the best for you. And Anakin would do anything to stop your pain."

"That's the problem. I don't want him to. I don't deserve it. I'm not worth it."

She looked offended. "Of course you do! Don't let your past determine your future. Sometimes, when we are mistreated we believe it's because we did something to deserve the mistreatment. We believe it's because of who we are. That's there's something wrong with us. I'm going to tell you that isn't true. No one deserves to be treated badly. You were not a slave because you deserved it or because you were worthless. You were a slave because of a group of selfish and cruel people. They are worthless. You aren't. You're strong and you're kind. Don't you ever let anyone make you believe you're worthless."

He looked into her eyes and the faintest hint of a smile curled the left side of his lips upwards.

His eyes still looked slightly empty. But it was something.

After dinner Anakin and Padmé watched children's holo-movies with the twins. Luke sat in Padmé's lap, and likewise Leia sat in her father's lap.

Padmé was focused on the happenings on-screen. Then she felt something on her arm. She looked and Anakin's fingers brushed along her skin lightly. He twined his fingers with hers.

She looked into his eyes and saw devotion and affection in the blue irises. His lids dropped to half-mast.

"I feel like this is a dream." He whispered.

She smiled softly.

"It can't be real."

"Why not?" She replied in a hushed voice.

"Because it's too perfect. It's too good to be true."

"You know, sometimes life is perfect. Sometimes it's terrible. But, sometimes it can be perfect too."

"My life was never anywhere close to perfect until I met you. And even then, it wasn't. I couldn't have you."

"You have me now. And we have two lovely babies."

He didn't speak. She smiled and brought her face up to his.

The kiss was gentle and lingering, their mouths brushing across each other slowly.

She pulled away.

"I love you, Padmé."

She smiled like a schoolgirl, brushing her nose against his. She kissed his cheek.

It was late into the night when they finally put the twins to bed.

Padmé draped an arm over Anakin and laid her head on his chest. Cheek pressed against his heartbeat.

Her fingers followed the tree branch scars over his chest.

He stopped her, self-conscious. His hand closed around hers.

"Don't be ashamed, Ani. I actually like them."

"How can you like a physical deformity, Padmé?"

She giggled softly. "You are not deformed, Ani. I would hardly call a couple of marks a deformity. I think they're actually kind of sexy."

He smirked. "Sexy. I've forgotten what that feels like."

She leaned on her elbow and raised her head so it hovered above his.

"Maybe I should remind you."

He looked away, his eyes scanning the wall ashamedly.

"I can't do much right now."

Her palm molded itself to his cheek and she gently pulled his face back so he was looking at her again.

"Well, maybe I should help you then. It's not like I haven't been on top before."

He blushed.

"Stop that. We've done some pretty crazy stuff in bed. Don't act so shy all of a sudden."

He looked up at her, almost unblinking.

"Alright."

"Sit up."

He followed her order awkwardly, having to use his hands primarily.

She straddled him, lowering herself on his lap.

There was a moment where all they did was stare at each other quietly.

His arms closed around her, hands running up and down her back slowly.

Their faces were dangerously close. He gazed into her eyes and he looked intoxicated with his feelings for her.

She tilted her head for the kiss she knew was coming, but waited for him to make the first move.

His thumb swept over her cheekbone, and then his hand was buried in her chocolate curls.

"Kiss me." She whispered.

His lips parted before they ever reached hers. They were drinking each other in, their kiss deep and insistent.

He feathered kisses down her cheek. Her lips parted in a quiet sigh as he pressed his lips against her pulse point. His mouth opened over the delicate skin of her neck. He was very still for a moment and then she felt him nibble the sensitive spot. She gasped.

He stopped, his mouth brushing her collarbone. She threw her head back and arched into him. He pressed his palms against the small of her back.

He kissed the spot over her heart and she made an indistinguishable little sound, a thankful soft moan.

Her fingers teased the hem of her nightgown and he pulled away. She took it off.

He cupped her breasts.

"Ani." She whimpered.

His hands moved in circular caresses over her nipples and she gasped. Her eyes shut.

"Oh…Ani."

She started to rock her hips into his.

His eyes shut and he smiled, biting his lips. His hips echoed hers.

Her face was in the hollow of his neck. "It's been so long since we've made love." She said.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

She laughed.

"You apologize for being attacked?"

"No. I mean, I'm sorry that I went on the mission and left you alone."

"Well, we can more than make up for it."

She kissed up the column of his neck, her lips brushing his Adam's apple. She ran her tongue over the little peak.

He moaned.

Her fingers played with the elastic waistband of his sleep pants.

She pulled them down his legs, staring at him wickedly all the while.

She took him in her hand and he arched his neck, groaning.

Her strokes were torturously slow and calculated and his moan was harsh against her ears.

"Padmé…you're, you're killing me." He said in a broken whisper.

She stopped suddenly and he gasped, looking a little winded.

"Oh don't worry, I have something much better. But you know that."

She lowered herself onto him, and he was inside her. He cried out, his voice melodic almost like he was singing. He fell into her arms, holding her tight against him. He breathed raggedly.

She moved her hips over his slowly.

He bit her shoulder.

"Lie back, Ani."

Her hands were on his chest and she pushed him gently. He yielded and lay down on the mattress, his hands gripping her thighs. Her movements were slow at first. He rolled his hips under hers rhythmically.

She was moving faster then and he began to up thrust into her.

She threw her head back and the ache in her was building and building and she felt transcendental.

And she felt his legs brace behind her. She opened her eyes and looked down at him and he was smiling.

She quickened the pace and she felt as if she was leaving herself in the best way possible and she cried out.

His brows were furrowed and his face twisted into an expression of blissful agony and his fingernails dug into the flesh on her thighs. He was moving inside her insistently, panting and the pleasured sound built behind his lips in a sort of deep hum and then a broken moan spilled out of his mouth.

He rocked his hips into hers a few more times and then she felt him relax underneath her.

She laid her body over his and gave him a little peck on the lips.

"Ani."

"Hmmm."

"Your legs, you moved your legs when were making love."

"I guess I did." He said sleepily.

"You're getting better."

"I love you, Padmé."

She felt his heartbeat slow down as he started to fall asleep.

She lay on her side and he followed, spooning himself behind her. His hand covered hers, his thumb running back and forth over her knuckles.

And then after a few minutes he stopped and she knew he'd fallen into a deep sleep.

And she knew that her Ani had returned completely. Almost as if Tatooine hadn't happened.

And soon he'd be a Jedi again. He'd begin training the younglings again and he would go on missions. He'd be the warrior he had always been.

And when Naboo's grasses were green once again, he would run the expanse of their meadow. And they would go back to a perfect world where they hadn't been touched by the pain of loss and struggle.

Back to their dream.

Back to the beginning.