AN: Music for this chapter (on repeat): The Saddest Song I've Got by Annie Lennox, Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers, Always by Saliva.

FIVE

o

"Rina! What are you doing?" Katya scolded as she rushed to her sister's side seeing the fresh blood staining the front of Irina's bandages.

Irina was standing in front of the mirror, trying to get dressed but without the use of her hand the task proved to be more difficult then she thought. The blood seeping through the bandage on her chest, was a testament to the struggle she put up to do it herself. "Katya, I have to get dressed. I can't go to the clinic in my nightgown." She continued to fumble with the shirt stuck on one of the pins sticking out of her hand. "I'll have to get used to this one-hand thing." She smiled trying to break her sister's grimacing face.

"Why didn't you ask me to help you?" Katya sighed frustrated looking over the bandage. Irina crinkled her eyebrow at the question as her only response. "Never mind," Katya shook her head realizing what a stupid question that was to ask; her sister hated asking for help, she was too stubborn. "Sit down, Stubborn." She directed Irina to the edge of the bed, Irina complied too tired to argue and she knew she needed help. Katya retrieved a fresh package of gauze pads and bandages, kneeled down in front of Irina and set to work to repair the damage her sister had done to herself while dressing. "You have to be more careful," She looked up, meeting Irina's eyes, "You tore a couple stitches and that will only lead to infection… and an ugly scar."

"Yes, wouldn't want another ugly scar." Irina laughed softly in a mocking tone then grabbed her side grimacing in pain. "Ooo… don't make me laugh." She smiled lightly to her sister.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Katya asked as she finished buttoning Irina's shirt.

"Yes! I can't stand to be in this room or that bed any longer. I have to get out for awhile, and besides… I can't wait any longer to see the baby." Irina gently rested her hand on her abdomen, smiling. "Let's go."

"Looks like you're healing well." Alexei smiled as he finished listening to Irina's lungs. "What are these scars from?" He asked pointing to three, moon shaped scars on Irina's chest. "They're not what I think they are from are they?" He narrowed his eyes at her, wondering if she hadn't told him about another previous episode that required them to start her heart again.

"I had a bug." Irina smiled trying to pass off the burn scars the electric paddles had left, as nothing. "He forgot to use gel." Irina remembered the mad dash in Germany to loose the tracker signal.

Alexei shook his head, not surprised by anything she told him anymore. Irina sat nervously on the edge of the examining table. She had always disliked the doctor's office, well not always…only since Kashmir.

"Your sister is taking good care of you." Alexei smiled and glanced back at Katya occupying a small chair in the corner of the room.

"Yes, she is." Irina smiled at her sister. "And patient… as I am not the easiest person to deal with."

"Ready to have a look at your baby?" Alexei pulled the sonogram machine closer to the examining table. Irina nodded, feeling nervous and afraid to speak. He helped her to lie back on the table. "I won't forget the gel." He smiled teasing her a little while squirting the green gel on her abdomen, careful of the stitches there.

Irina looked down at her belly and shook her head. Now that she knew she was pregnant she could see the little mound that had slowly formed over the last four and a half months without her aware; she'd been too distracted to notice. She had been late showing with Sydney too. Her thoughts suddenly jolted by a loud washing-machine noise, she glanced quickly at the monitor. The sound was fast and she knew instantly what she was listening to… her baby's heartbeat. Tears began to well up in her eyes, staring at the baby on the monitor.

"This one's active." Alexei smiled watching as the baby was apparently doing summersaults inside Irina. "Do you have an idea as to when you conceived?" He asked measuring the baby.

"Yes." Irina answered quietly thinking back to that night in Panama. "February 14th."

"Good strong heart-beat. Everything seems to be perfectly normal, a little small for your 18th week, but not surprising with all the activities you've been doing… halfway there now. I'm afraid this one's too active to see the sex. Now let's take a picture of the little one for you." The baby whirled around, as if on cue, planting the soles of its feet firmly against Irina's side. Two perfect little foot prints for the baby's first photo. "This is one of the best sonogram pictures I've ever seen." He handed the photo of the two little feet to Irina. "Now for the uncomfortable part." He pulled the giant amniocentesis needle from the tray. "Katya, come hold your sister's hand."

It wasn't a question; it was an order that both girls were going to follow whether they wanted to or not. Katya looked quickly to Irina to read her reaction but only found a smile. Irina gladly accepted the hand as the needle made its way into her abdomen; she really couldn't stand needles.

"Almost finished, there." Alexei smiled removing the needle and wiping the gel from Irina's belly. "I should have the results in a couple days, but try not to worry, everything looks beautiful… A little small, but we'll work on that, right, Your Highness? Sleep more, less activity, off your feet as much as possible… and NO exercising, My Dear!"

Irina continued to stare at the man, 'How was she supposed to run her business, and take care of Sloane, Cuvee and watch out for Sydney if she wasn't even supposed to leave the couch?'

"My Child, you must understand… this baby is going to have to play the catch-up game. You're very lucky that this little miracle is still with us. Now please-"

"Yes, of course, Alexei, whatever I have to do to keep my baby healthy." Irina smiled realizing she wasn't about to jeopardize her little miracle for anything.

"Next time maybe we can see the sex. Come November 15th, you should have a beautiful new baby."

'November 15th!' Irina's breath sucked in. The day 'Laura' had died. How ironic.

"I'll prescribe you some prenatal vitamins and bring them by the house when I come to take out your stitches. I want to keep an eye on this little one, make sure he or she is growing properly and that you are taking it easy. I think it would be a good idea to have another sonogram in a month or so." Alexei smiled reassuringly.

"Thank you." Irina smiled, sliding off the table with Katya's help.

The car ride home had been silent and Irina knew Katya had wanted to say something, but wasn't. "What?" Irina finally asked unable to take the awkward silence any longer.

"I was just wondering how you planned on running the organization, pregnant… When you are practically on bed rest. Don't you think that's going to be a bit difficult… and dangerous when people learn about the baby? Especially if this man Sloane and Cuvee are still after you to fulfill this Rambaldi Prophecy?" Katya asked eyeing Irina's stomach once again and the photo in her hand.

Irina once again covered her abdomen with her hand protectively. "I don't know yet." She said quietly, looking out the window. "I have to talk to Jack… I have to tell him."

*The Saddest Song I've Got*

"Are you insane?" Katya gasped astonished, "He just tried to kill you! And you want to tell him your pregnant with his baby?"

"He was protecting Sydney." Irina turned her gaze back to her sister. "And he deserves to know the truth."

"The truth? What truth? Who you really are? That you're carrying his baby? That you still love him? Have always loved him?" Katya was fuming and scared for her sister.

Irina had not been expecting her sister to say that but it was the truth. "All of it." She sighed as a tear made its way down her cheek.

"And what if he doesn't want to hear it? What if he doesn't believe you? And if he does, what if he decides he can't forgive you? Takes the baby and puts you back in prison or worse has you executed?" Katya's eyes were filling with tears at the thought. She'd just gotten Irina back and was terrified to lose her again.

"I don't think Jack would do that-"

"You don't think?" Katya cut her off, unable to believe what she was hearing from her sister, "Irina, he set you up and almost had you executed once before… he just shot you! You've lied to him about everything, destroyed his trust in you! What makes you think he won't?"

"I haven't lied to him about everything!" Irina was getting upset, she knew her sister was making valid points but she didn't want to hear them.

"Right..." Katya exaggerated the word and sighed seeing how upset Irina was getting and feeling her own angst about the situation, "But he doesn't know that? Does he?"

"I have to take the chance." Irina wiped the tears from her cheek.

"Oh, take the chance… You mean like last time you, 'took the chance?" Katya was furious now and Irina's eye's flashed with pain. "Look at what happened then. Are you willing to take that chance again?"

Irina remained silent and turned her attention back to the window, her tears continuing to fall in the thick silence between them. And there it was, the reason she'd been estranged from her sister for so long...

When the silence continued for several minutes, Katya began feeling guilty about what she had said.

"I'm sorry." Irina finally spoke so softly it was barely above a whisper, her eye's still focused on the window.

"No… I'm sorry." Katya reached across the car and took hold of Irina's hand. Irina looked at their joined hands and then at her sister. "I shouldn't have said that. I forgave you long ago." Irina's surprise was evident and Katya continued. "I know you were faced with an impossible choice… it just took me a long time to see it that way." She smiled a small smile at Irina and wiped away a tear of her own. "Besides, Mama forgave you…"

Irina grabbed her sister, pulling her into a tight embrace sobbing. When they both had a good cry, Katya pulled back to wipe the remaining tears on Irina's cheeks.

"Thank you." Irina smiled and gave her sister's hand a squeeze. The car slowed as two enormous iron gates opened to the driveway. "The house looks amazing." Irina smiled as they approached the beautiful yellow giant that they had called home and the surrounding grounds.

"The restoration has been going well," Katya joined her looking out the window. "Slow process though, restoring all two hundred rooms. You did the right thing, Rina, wanting to restore it… and open it up for the public."

"It's our history… but it's our people's history too, and I didn't want it fading into the background forgotten. Remember how Mama's face used to light up when she would talk about her childhood here?" Irina smiled at her sister.

"She missed this place so much. Remember playing hide-n-seek? The games would last hours as I never knew where you were hiding." Katya laughed at the memory, "We had to limit the hiding rooms after I got lost, remember!?"

"Yes, I remember." Irina closed her eyes, thinking about her childhood for the first time in a long time.

They would sneak into the palace once a month with their mother. Irina could still see the image of her mother sitting alone in the garden, lost in another time…another world. She and Katya would play hide-n-seek for hours as their mother sat out there.

Every time, before they left…they would walk to her mother's old room…left exactly as is had the day she left it for the last time with her family. The furniture had been covered in plastic, which her mother would always remove. She remembered sitting on the giant four-post bed listening to the music- box Faberge egg…her mother closing her eyes, humming along to the tune. It had been 'a gift' she said, from her Papa. And when it was finished…she would always put it back…cover the furniture again and leave.

"It was such a scary place then…all dusty, and broken. Every time we would come here, I thought we were going to see ghosts." Katya snapped Irina from her daydream.

Helping her out of the car, both stopping to take a long gaze at the house in front of them, looking immaculate with a fresh coat of yellow paint with white trim, the windows replaced, the shrubs trimmed and flowers in full bloom in the garden.

"Mama would be so proud of you. This was always her favorite palace." Katya squeezed Irina's hand and they walked inside.

"So what are you going to do about Jack?" Katya hedged the subject once again, feeling as though some air had been cleared between the two. "And the organization?"

Irina attempted to take a deep breath, re-adjusting the sling around her neck, the weight of her arm suddenly feeling very heavy, "I'm going to need your help."

-Los Angeles, CA-

*Ain't No Sunshine*

Jack pulled slowly into the familiar driveway. It was late and all the neighbors were already in bed. Four days had passed and the decoding was going slowly. Jack put his car in park and sat in his car looking at the house in front of him.

He remembered the first time she saw the beautiful two-story home, she had fallen in love with it…insisting it was 'the perfect home to raise their children in.' They had just moved to California from D.C. He had been transferred to the Los Angeles branch and she'd accepted a job teaching at UCLA. This had been the first, and only house they looked at. She loved everything about it, 'The American Dream…' she'd said.

A gorgeous two-story white house, dark blue shutters, a beautiful porch with a wooden swing on one end, a brick-laid drive-way and walk, nice big yard and white picket fence. He loved this house as much as she did but put up a protest, enjoying her pleading and excitement about 'convincing' him to close the deal.

He remembered bringing Sydney home from the hospital… The nights he and 'Laura' would sit in the swing after putting their little girl to sleep, just enjoying the summer breeze, it was all a lie…

Jack sighed and climbed out the car, grabbed his briefcase, slung his jacket over his shoulder and ascended the steps of the porch, the motion-sensor lights kicking in. He fumbled with his keys for moment, cursing out loud, frustrated.

He finally managed to get the door open, entered the dark house and shut the door. He didn't bother turning on the lights, he never did, dropped his briefcase and jacket on the couch as he passed, and made his way to the kitchen undoing his tie and shirt buttons as he went.

"Damn it!" He cursed into the darkness as he stubbed his toe on the coffee table.

"You never learned to turn the lights on." Came a familiar voice from the darkness.

The lamp in the corner suddenly clicked on and Jack turned, "Irina."

*Always *

Jack's eyes still adjusting to the light, "You're alive." He breathed out surprised yet, relieved, then tensed, watching her walk to the chair near the fireplace and sit.

She was wearing a black sleeveless V-neck shirt, a sheer on white three-quarters length skirt with a delicate black design weaving across it, Spanish ruffles flowed at the hemline…the slit in the front exposing a dangerous amount of skin as she sat, causing Jack to swallow hard, staring as she crossed her legs, 'She has great legs.'

He was also, mesmerized by the bandage on her chest, that he'd just been exposed to him when she moved and the sling around her neck.

"Barely…though I know you must be disappointed." Irina immediately regretted it… This was not where she wanted the conversation to be going…she didn't come all this way to pick a fight.

Jack remained silent, waiting for her to speak again, his guilt at shooting her and his anger for all her lies and betrayals raging war with each other inside him. He wanted to kiss her and strangle her at the same time.

"How's Sydney?" She asked truly concerned about her daughter's well being.

Jack was irritated by her concern for their daughter when she was the one causing the most damage. His icy stare suddenly fleeting to her hand when she moved to re-adjust the sling and he saw the damage to her hand…the damage she had saved Sydney from…and by the looks of the pins he could see sticking out of it everywhere…a terrible damage.

Irina was waiting for his answer and he saw in her eyes she was truly worried about their daughter.

"She's fine." He said softly with no emotion, not wanting to give her too much information…wanting to hold it hostage as she had done with keeping so many things from him. Irina could see the war raging inside him.

"How's your hand?" Jack looked at her hand and was sincerely concerned though he would never show it on the outside.

Irina glanced down at her badly damaged hand, smiling, touched that Jack would even ask…considering he did try to kill her.

"I don't think I'll ever play the piano again." She smiled sadly, hoping that wasn't going to be true.

"Everything looks exactly like I remember it." Irina smiled looking around the room that had some new pieces of furniture but placed in the same spots; nervous about how to approach the reason she was there.

"I had to keep up the illusion for Sydney. After your 'death' I wanted to keep things the same for her. Even after I learned of your betrayal…I saw no point in destroying our child even more by telling her the truth…you were dead, or so we all thought. So, I let Sydney go on believing you had died an honorable woman who loved her, which she believed and idolized you…up until last year when she finally learned the truth… that her mother was a traitor, a KGB spy and terrorist who was still alive." Jack spat at her angrily.

Irina had a hard time keeping her emotions under control and blinked back tears, remembering why she was there. 'She would not cry in front of Jack, she wouldn't let him get to her.'

"What are you doing here, Irina?" He shifted his weight staring heavily into her eyes. "You must be out of your mind to step-foot inside this country again with a Shoot To Kill order on you, no less into the home of a CIA operative while you're obviously still recovering and in no shape to defend yourself."

She remained silent for moment refusing to meet his gaze.

"I didn't come here to fight. We need to talk…" She began softly, rising from the chair.

The grimace of pain, not going unnoticed by Jack, "About what? I don't have anything to say to you other then, 'you're under arrest."

Irina disregarded his last statement still searching for a way to explain herself.

"But I have so much I need to say to you…to explain to you." She finally met his gaze, desperate to see something beside contempt for her there.

Jack couldn't bear to look her in the eye anymore, not willing to give her what he knew she was searching for.

"Everything you've ever said, every move you've made…everything…has been a lie. You honestly think I would trust any explanation you would give?!"

"Not everything, Jack." Irina protested, her hand immediately going to her stomach, covering the baby. "I…I'd hoped that you'd see that in Panama. 'See' my intentions."

Jack's eyes went wild with fury. "Panama!" He boomed and then laughed. "All I saw you do in Panama was use yourself as a whore again to get what you want and then escape into the waiting arms of Arvin Sloane!"

Irina's hurt was masked the anger she felt rising within her. She had expected Jack to be angry with her about her actions, and normally she could deal with it…letting it wash over her…but she was pregnant…and had a hard time keeping her emotions under control. She remained silent as Jack rolled on with his tirade.

"The only thing you proved to me once again in Panama, was that I was right to not trust you! I knew from the moment you turned yourself in…that you had a hidden agenda and we'd all be victim too it again. Sydney couldn't help herself…she'd wanted 'her' mother her entire life, wanted that love…and there you were, claiming you'd changed…that you were sorry for your mistakes and wanted to make it right with her. As the months went by and she became more attached to you, I hoped, for her sake, that I was wrong. And I too, began to believe in your new found sincerity after you helped me with Ariana Kane, which I'm sure now was just another manipulation you planned for to build my trust so I would convince Kendall to let you out. To help 'save' her from Sloane and a life built on lies!"

Irina had enough and interrupted. "Jack, I did want to save her from Sloane and give her a life outside the CIA…I never wanted to hurt Sydney, to betray her…"

"Just me right!" Jack took a step-forward, yelling in her face.

"No! If you'd just shut-up for a minute you idiot and listen, let me explain."

"Shut-Up?" He yelled inching closer to her face; unnerved she had the audacity to tell 'him' to 'shut-up.'

"Yes, shut-up and listen!" She yelled back.

Jack's nostrils began to flare.

"Yes, you were right!" She shouted breathing heavily.

Jack stunned by her admission remained silent.

"Ok are you happy…you were right! I did give myself to the CIA as part of a perfect plan to take down SD-6 and the Alliance, and gain access to CIA Intel…but the plan changed Jack...I changed. Being near Sydney again…near you, I began doubting what I was doing… That is why I considered taking you up on your offer of the illusion of freedom…"

"But you didn't!" He yelled again.

"But I thought about it! But decided I had worked for too many years to find the truth about Rambaldi…I was too close to it now and I was not going to confuse myself into giving it all up on the delusion of family... I had to stay the course, follow the plan. But Jack…in Panama…that…being with you…" She tried to look him in the eye but he wouldn't, "wasn't part of the plan."

"Ah, but then when the opportunity presented itself…you decided 'why not seize the moment, right?' You had deceived me into bed so many times before when we were married, why not give it a go one more time just to have a good laugh that you could still 'get' me."

"No!" Irina whispered, shaking her head…'This was not going well at all.'

"Well guess what, Irina? The last laugh was on you! 'I' manipulated you and you took the bait."

Seeing the confusion rapidly spreading across her face Jack continued,

"I saw your intentions and I decided to manipulate you at your own game…to use you…like you used me all those years."

Irina could hardly breath.

Jack knew he was lying about everything he'd just said but loved the defeated look on Irina's face at the thought he had finally gotten her and he didn't want to stop.

Irina, in the meantime, could hardly breathe, not just because of the horrible things that Jack was saying to her…but because she'd also just felt their baby kick for the first time.

"I bet you were surprised to find the little present I left you with."

Irina could think of two he'd left her with actually, her hand once again protectively going over her stomach at the little person who was making their presence known… Apparently just as disturbed by their father's harsh words as Mommy, but Irina said nothing.

"I never trusted you for a second…only hoped you'd had some shred of a conscience where Sydney was concerned but you didn't…Your only concern, as always for yourself…never thinking about anyone else. I tried to protect her from you but I failed. She was just another pawn in your sick and twisted game. In the end you couldn't resist the temptation and went running into the arms of Arvin Sloane…the 'Royal Russian Whore' strikes again."

~SMACK~

Jack felt the tingling sensations immediately as Irina's hand collided with his face. Wiping the blood from his lip with the back of his hand, he'd realized he'd gone too far. He stood there looking at the blood on his hand afraid to look at Irina, who was perfectly still…silent…'Deadly silent.' Jack thought, waiting for the rest of her wrath. There was none.

"I was wrong to come here. I'm sorry…" Quietly tucking the hair behind her ear, Irina stepped away from Jack, realizing that there would never be an absolution for her… He would never be able to get past her betrayal and forgive her, never be able to see her as anything but a lying 'whore,' certainly never be able to…love her.

Jack looked up immediately, not expecting her to say that, nor was he expecting to see the steady stream of tears rolling down her cheeks.

Seeing Jack's face soften at her appearance she quickly wiped the tears away, shoving her feelings for him back to the place she had buried them long ago…

"Irina…" Jack began, watching as she transformed from 'Irina' into 'The Man,' fear immediately taking over as he watched her reach inside her sling and pull out a gun, aiming it directly at him.

"I can't have you putting me back in that glass cell to await my execution… Goodbye, Jack." She smiled and pulled the trigger.

Jack looked at his chest stunned, and back at Irina who was now very blurry … "Irina…" He breathed feeling his legs begin to give out underneath him and he wobbled.

Irina reached out to him with her good arm and helped him slide gently to the floor.

"Sleep well, Jack," Was the last thing he heard before slipping into unconsciousness.

Irina walked out the back door and to the waiting car in the alley. She climbed into the Mercedes and immediately pulled the gun from her sling, putting it in the glove compartment.

"So… I take it things didn't go well." Katya stated seeing a void of any emotion on Irina's face, something that was never good.

"No." Irina sighed looking at the house one last time as they drove into the darkness.

"Did you tell him?"

"No…He never gave me the chance…" She continued to gaze out the window, "He will never give me the chance." Irina resigned softly, knowing there would never be an absolution. "He will never forgive me."