AN: Music for this Chapter (on repeat): Say by John Mayer, Apologize by One Republic
TWELVE
o
-St. Petersburg, Russia-
They arrived in St. Petersburg the following night and by the time they gotten to the palace, it was nearly midnight. The cab pulled up and dropped them off at the front gate and two burly looking guards stepped forward, stopping any further advancement.
"Halt!" They shouted in Russian, guns aimed and ready to fire. "The palace is closed." The bigger of the two stepped forward, still aiming his gun at Jack. "Leave!" He shouted.
Two more guards appeared on the other side of the gate. Deciding this was getting them nowhere Jack gave in. "Alright… alright. We'll come back tomorrow."
The disapproving look from Sydney not lost on him but pulled her back none-the-less.
After walking down the road a bit, and out of earshot, Sydney let him have it. "Come back tomorrow? I don't want to wait until tomorrow!"
"Sydney, I had to say that…they obviously weren't going to let us in the old fashion way. And they're a little too jumpy to argue with."
"Look!" Vaughn stopped walking pointing to a section of windows that were lit. "Someone's in there."
"It's got to be Mom." She said looking up at the top of the fence. "We can scale it."
"And get shot in the process?" Jack shot back. "We didn't come equipped for this." He looked down at his civilian attire.
"How much equipment do we need to scale a fence?" She furrowed her eyebrows at her father. "Dad… Mom's in there I know it. I'm going in." She jumped onto the iron bars and began making her way over. Jack and Vaughn following behind.
They made their way around the back of the house, through the garden they recognized from the photos, and to the massive front doors.
"Now what?" Vaughn asked staring at the massive doors in front of them.
"We ring the bell." Sydney pushed the delicate brass button near the side of the door.
*Say*
They waited nervously, scanning their surroundings for any sign of the guards. The door slowly creaked open and an older looking man dressed in a black butler's suit answered. He was immediately alarmed at finding three strangers on the doorstep and looked around for the guards, holding tightly to the door.
"Can I help you?" He asked nervously.
"Yes, we need to speak with my... with Irina Derevko." Sydney responded in Russian and pushed forwards toward the door, believing more than ever her mother was inside with the man's startled reaction.
"I'm sorry, there is no one here by that name." He replied quickly attempting to shut the door. "Da Svidanya."
"Wait!" Sydney switched to English in panic mode and shoved her foot in the door blocking him from closing it further. "I know she's here! She's my mother!"
The man seemed even more surprised and visibly paled but attempted to dismiss her again. "I'm sorry, she's not here."
From behind the door, they could hear a familiar voice ask, "Dmitri, who is it?" Katya walked into the room hearing the bell.
"Katya!" Sydney screamed past the man still trying to push her out, "It's me! Sydney!" She recognized her aunt's voice.
Katya was startled and instantly went into her own panic mode looking around the room. It was too late to pretend she wasn't there. She calmed herself and walked up to the door, touching the older man lightly on the shoulder motioning for him to let Sydney pass. She was not prepared to see, that Sydney was accompanied by Jack and Vaughn. "What are you doing here?" She asked in English as they passed her through the doorway. Already having a good idea why.
"Is my mother here? I need to talk to her." Sydney scanned the darkness for any signs of her mother.
The room was a massive open foyer with marbled floors and leather chairs and sofas, presumably a waiting area. The cathedral ceilings were lined with gold trim and a skylight, letting the full moon wash over the floor.
The second floor's banisters met on one end of the room as the two separate staircases met in a landing and flowed into one grand staircase, a wall of glass windows behind them. It was spectacular.
She turned her back from the staircase towards her aunt and waited for Katya's answer.
"You shouldn't have come here. This is dangerous. You should leave… now!" Katya motioned for them to leave.
"We know about the baby." Jack handed the sonogram photo to Katya, who remained silent for a moment.
"You could've have killed them with that raid!" She hissed, her anger getting the best of her.
"It wasn't us! Kendall went behind my back with a Delta team." Jack tried to defend himself.
"Please! Is she here?" Sydney pleaded, "I have to talk to her! I have to tell her I know! I know the truth now!" Sydney couldn't keep the tears in any longer and the sad look in her eyes was killing Katya.
"Please! I have to tell her I remember, I… I have to tell her I love her!" Sydney cried saying it out loud and admitting it for the first time, "to the moon and back, more than the stars in the Heavens and the grains of sand on Earth."
"Forever and always…" came a familiar broken voice behind them.
Irina had heard the bell as she was getting ready for bed and the following commotion and went to investigate. She now stood frozen on the landing of the staircase, looking down at the group with tears welling in her eyes listening to her daughter's plea and recitation of their saying.
Sydney whirled to see her and Jack felt his breath catch at the sight of a pregnant Irina in a gorgeous navy blue nightgown, illuminated like a descending goddess by the moonlight.
"Mom…" Sydney whispered, frozen for a moment before running up the stairs and into her mother's arms.
Still stunned, Irina felt Sydney melt into her arms, crying and gave into the emotion herself. They remained holding onto each other for a few minutes before Irina finally spoke. "You remembered?" She pulled back smiling, using her thumbs to wipe the tears on Sydney's cheeks.
"Yes, I remember it all. Mom, we know the truth, at least part of it." She held onto Irina's hand, not wanting to break the contact. "We know what you did for us, what happened to you." Sydney started sobbing again, unable to finish thinking about the atrocities committed against her mother.
"Shhh." Irina pulled her into her again, not wanting to think about Cuvee and Kashmir at a time like this, meeting Jack's eyes for the first time over Sydney's shoulder.
"I love you, Mom."
She heard Sydney say into her hair and closed her eyes, smiling as she let tears fall. Irina pulled back again when Sydney stopped shaking. "I'd do it all over again, for this moment. I love you too, Sweetheart." Irina smiled as a tear made its way down her cheek, brushing Sydney's cheek with her fingers.
"You're having a baby!" Sydney smiled placing her hands gently on each side of Irina's belly, looking up to meet her mother's eyes again. "I'm going to be a sister." She smiled brightly through her tears, seeing her mother in a new light.
"Yes." Irina smiled, placing her damaged hand on the top of her belly with Sydney's.
Sydney saw her mother's look of apprehension as she glanced down the stairs towards Jack and Vaughn. "We're not here for the CIA. We just want to talk to you." Sydney looked her in the eye, trying to reassure her.
"Let's go sit." Irina smiled, "I'm sure you have a lot of questions." Sydney took hold of her good hand and helped her down the stairs, Irina's eyes never leaving Jack's. "Jack." She whispered under her breath coming face to face with him once reaching the bottom.
"Irina." He greeted her with the same uneven breath. His eyes wondering down her body to her protruding belly and back up again. The silent message of 'we'll talk about that later,' clearly communicated through their look, knowing their daughter needed Irina now.
"Agent Vaughn." Irina tore her eyes from Jack's to greet the handsome young man, wondering why he was here if they weren't there for the CIA. Vaughn swallowed hard, unsure how to address her, as he never had formally before.
"Irina." He finally got out causing Irina to smile her Cheshire cat grin at his nervousness.
"Please, follow me." She motioned for them to follow her into the next room, Sydney still holding her good hand; the sheer size and beauty of the palace breathtaking and daunting all at once.
They walked into a gorgeous library, books on shelves from floor to ceiling, everywhere you looked. She took a seat with Sydney on the sofa in the center of the room, Jack taking a seat to the left of her in a big leather armchair, and Vaughn in the one across from them.
Katya stood cautiously behind her sister. "Rina… are you ok? Do you want me to stay?" she asked quietly in Russian.
"Yes. I'm ok. You can go to bed. Its so late. I'll be fine. Promise." Irina answered her in the same language they knew best and smiled in appreciation for her sister's concern, relinquishing her hold of Sydney's hand to squeeze her sister's.
"Your hand is freezing." Katya sounded alarmed finally noticing what little Irina was wearing. "I'll go get your robe…then I'll go to bed." She still looked at their late night visitors with great skepticism and concern.
"Thank you." Irina smiled once again.
As soon as Katya let go of her hand, she found Sydney's again, causing Sydney to smile, though it quickly faded seeing the large new scar on her mother's chest.
"Are you ok?" She asked concerned, needing to hear from her mother's own lips that she was ok.
"Yes, I am now." Irina smiled. "The bullet punctured my lung and tore through my Aorta, but it's healing well." She lost the smile and turned to Jack replying calmly, "and you just grazed me. Thankfully." Her hand once again protectively going to cover her baby beneath and Jack found it hard to swallow.
"What about your hand? I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him." The tears began welling in Sydney's eyes again. "It should have been me."
"Sydney, no." Irina brushed Sydney's cheek with the back of her fingers, enjoying the contact. "Don't apologize for something you had no control over, and I certainly don't regret my decision to save you from this." She looked down at her hand. The pins had been removed though she still had difficulty moving her wrist and fingers. "My hand will be just fine and working like normal in no time." She smiled and Jack knew she was giving them the 'optimistic' version of the truth.
"And the baby?" Jack asked concerned what damage this all might have done to their unborn child, especially the bullet wound he inflicted there.
"She's ok. A little small, but strong and healthy." Irina gave him a reassuring smile, seeing the real concern in his eyes.
"She?" Sydney couldn't contain her surprise.
"Yes, you're going to have a little sister." Irina smiled at Sydney and looked to Jack, seeing the surprise on his face.
"When are you due?" Jack found his voice, figuring it had to be sometime in early to mid-November.
"November 15th." Irina spoke softly knowing that would be a shock to them.
"The day you di…" Sydney trailed off realizing what she was about to say and Irina nodded. "Does she have a name?"
"I have a one I'm leaning towards, nothing set in stone though," Irina looked cautiously at Jack and diverted her eyes towards the door where Katya was bringing her robe. "Thank you." She smiled at her sister and rose to put the robe on, her belly eye level with Jack.
The robe was made of the same satiny fabric as her nightgown and Irina didn't bother tying it, as it would be a little snug around her belly.
Katya kissed her on the cheek speaking only in Russian again to her sister and not their unexpected guests, "Don't stay up all night. Remember you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and you need your rest. Goodnight and I love you." She silently handed Irina the sonogram photo that Jack had given her when they first arrived. Irina smiled at the photo and set it carefully on the coffee table, saying nothing about how they found it. Katya looked around at the faces before her, sending silent messages to them all before she left that if they tried anything to hurt her sister, they'd be sorry.
"She takes good care of you." Jack watched Katya leave.
"She saved my life." Irina answered solemnly, taking a deep breath. "In Moscow…" She fell silent in thinking of that horrific night and what came after.
"How long have you known? About the baby?" His eyes going back to her belly as she took a seat again, still marveled at the baby there.
"They told me when I awoke after surgery." She leaned forward and picked up the photo of the baby again, "I guess I don't have to ask when or how you figured it out."
Knowing they would figure out she was pregnant after the raid in Rio… She was surprised that Jack was remaining rather calm about the situation given the circumstances.
"Yes…" He spoke softly, "We've learned quite a lot about you in the past couple of months…" He saw the immediate sadness flash across her features before recomposing herself. Being pregnant, it was harder to compartmentalize her feelings.
"Katya told me… you discovered my original KGB file and the films they kept on me." She set the photo back on the table again, slowly.
"Yes." Jack looked sympathetically towards her, his voice carrying none of its usual roughness. She turned her eyes away from him; unable to stand the look he was giving her, the corner of the end table now holding her full attention.
"I never… I never saw the file but I should have found it… and destroyed it." She could feel the tears beginning to pool in her eyes. "No one should ever have seen that." She didn't want to cry in front of them at the thought, and rose from her seat, adverting all their eyes. "I'm being a terrible host. You've traveled a long way. I'll get us some tea." She attempted a smile.
Jack knew exactly what she was doing and grabbed her hand just as she breezed by them. Holding it exactly like she held his on the plane to Hong Kong, rubbing the back of it with his thumb, forcing her to look him in the eye. "Thank you." He spoke softly, sending her a message that was meant to thank her for so much more than getting them refreshments.
Irina's eyes, still glistening with unshed tears, briefly nodded and pulled her hand away from Jack's as she headed towards the kitchen.
Jack turned his attention back to Sydney and Vaughn who were staring at him, still stunned to witness any physical contact between Jack and Irina and surprised that Jack reached out to her.
"Maybe I should go with her." Sydney spoke, suddenly worried that her mother was really escaping again. "What if she doesn't come back?" She began to get off the couch in search of Irina when Jack placed his hand on her knee stopping her.
"Sydney, I know this is going to sound strange coming from me, but let's give her the benefit of the doubt this time." He could see the shock evident in her face. "I think she just needed a minute to collect herself." He was slowly learning to stop jumping to conclusions where Irina was concerned and he hoped he was right in not sending Sydney to find her. "We have just sprung ourselves upon her in the middle of the night, coming at her with a lot of information." Sydney once again responded by staring wide-eyed at her father for his patient insight into her mother now.
Sure enough, Irina returned several long minutes later and took a seat on the sofa again, fully in control of her emotions once again.
Seeing the looks of relief on their faces she realized what they had been thinking. "You thought I was making my escape again, didn't you?" She smiled, not waiting for their answer. "Dmitri's making the tea and will bring it out when it's ready."
An uncomfortable silence followed, as no one really knew where to begin or what to say. Irina wasn't sure what 'truth' they knew and decided to let them ask the questions.
"Agent Vaughn," Irina turned her attention to the young man she could see was struggling with something. The way he was looking at her, something had changed. She could see it in his eyes. He hadn't spoken two words since their arrival and she was certain he was studying her, the look in his eyes telling her he wanted to know something and she was still puzzled as to why he was here and not running to turn her in. "You seem very troubled." The look in her eyes was that of true concern.
Vaughn took a deep breath and forced himself to look Irina in the eye, "I want you to tell me about my father… Mikhail Vontonavich." He could see the surprise in Irina's eyes. "I know he was KGB…I know you had a relationship with him… and I know he died trying to escape Kashmir with you." He refused to blink, not wanting to take his eyes off Irina's.
Irina had been completely blindsided and was struggling to control her emotions but was successful none-the-less. She could feel Sydney and Jack's eyes bearing into her as intensely as Vaughn's. "What would you like to know about him?" She spoke softly, returning the intense stare. Knowing it was pointless to ask 'how' they knew about him at this point, it was obvious they did and that was all that mattered now.
"Everything." Vaughn remained intensely focused though his words were softer and heart sinking at her confirmation she did, indeed, know him.
"I don't know where to start?" She began but her attention suddenly shifting to the older man entering the library. It was the same man who answered the door, though now he looked like he'd been about ready for bed as well, wearing slippers and a robe over his pajamas. He was carrying a silver tray with the tea.
"Your tea, Empress." He addressed Irina and placed it on the table in front of her.
Irina blushed seeing the surprised look on Jack, Sydney and Vaughn's faces. "Thank you, Dmitri… but how many times do I have to ask you to stop calling me that?" She asked in Russian, while he began pouring everyone a cup.
Seeing her speak her native language was enthralling to Jack and Sydney.
"Would you prefer if I address you as Your Majesty, then, My Child?" He asked smiling as he began handing the teacups out.
"No." Irina chuckled. "No." She shook her head.
"But it is your given name and rightful title, Your Majesty." He stood, looking at Irina with the same stubbornness she possessed.
"Just Irina or even Rina." She smiled taking hold of the older man's hand and giving it a squeeze, "Please?"
The man smiled in return.
"Where are my manners," Irina switched to English, "Dmitri, allow me to introduce my daughter Sydney, her father Jack, and Michael." She gave a slight. "Jack, Sydney, and Michael... this is Dmitri."
The man smiled and gave a light nod in acknowledgement. "Would you care for anything else, My Child?" He switched back to Russian, having settled on the name they could both agree on and watched her smile.
"No, thank you…we have everything. Please, go to bed now. I'm so sorry to keep you awake this late. Goodnight." Irina answered him again in Russian
The man nodded and stepped back, "Goodnight," He spoke to them in English, glancing around the room extending the wishes to all warily, and then back to Irina where he gave a slight bow, "Goodnight, Empress." He smiled and turned to leave before she could give another rebuttal.
Irina continued to blush and shook her head, chuckling at the old man. "Where were we?" She easily switched back to English; her eyebrows furrowed in thought, regaining her seriousness. "Oh yes, where to begin…"
"How about the beginning…'Empress." Jack raised his eyebrow suggestively while maintaining his serious tone.
Irina shot him a 'death glare' that the Derevko women had mastered so well, with a bewitching shy smile about his subtle tease.
"Please Mom," Sydney brought Irina's attention back to the question at hand, "Tell me about her, my grandmother, Anastasia. You said I would have liked her."
"Oh yes, Sydney," Irina smiled thinking about her mother, "You would have loved her. You remind me of her in so many ways… so beautiful, strong, independent… stubborn." Irina laughed, "I guess we both inherited that part."
"I still can't believe that my grandmother was Anastasia Romanov." Sydney looked down at their joined hands, "This is so surreal." She sighed looking up into Irina's eyes. "How did she survive the massacre?"
Irina took of sip of tea and placed it on the saucer, setting it back on the table. Seeing an opportunity to start rebuilding some trust with her daughter, she leaned back against the pillows of the couch and began telling the story... the truthful story of her family and her past.
"My mother told me this story only once… when I was thirteen. She said that was going to be the only time we would discuss it. I could see how painful it was for her to talk about and my father told me when I got older that she still suffered terribly from the nightmares of that night. As you probably already know, they took my grandfather Nicholas and the entire family to Ekaterinburg in Siberia after the Revolution. One night they were all locked in a small room in the basement of the house and lined up in front of a firing squad." Irina paused a moment seemingly lost in thought, a sad expression on her face. "When it was over, their bodies were thrown into the back of a truck and two young soldiers were told to take them to an old mining shaft and throw their bodies into it. Along the way, the truck got stuck in the mud and stalled. The two young officers panicked and decided to bury the bodies along side the road in a field. As they climbed into the back of the truck they noticed that my mother was still alive, as was her brother, my uncle, Alexei. The two young soldiers argued over what to do because neither of them wanted to kill them or bury them when they were still alive. My mother grabbed one of their hands and begged them for help. The soldier was my father, Dmitri." Irina could already see what they were thinking by their reactions. "No, not 'that' Dmitri," She gestured with her eyes towards the area where the man had just left. "He has been a long time employee and a friend of our family for years, since I was a child… He happens to share the same name with my father." She smiled and continued. "My father was all of seventeen years old at the time and couldn't deny my mother's pleas. They decided that it was a miracle that she and Alexei had survived and weren't about to tempt fate. They buried the rest of the family quickly and brought my mother and uncle to an abandoned house just off the road. The occupants had recently vacated because of the Revolution so it was adequately supplied with means for them to get by on. They treated them as best they could and returned to their posts, informing their superiors they'd completed their tasks, as to not cause suspicion. They tried desperately to help my mother and Alexei but in the end, Alexei was too ill and too weak and passed away. They buried him in the back yard…" She trailed off, thinking about the day when she retrieved his remains not too many years ago. "While nursing my mother back to health, my father fell completely in love with her and she with him."
Irina smiled thinking about her mother's face lighting up at this point in the story. "He found a way to smuggle her out of the country and into France, where they were married shortly after in Paris. They remained hidden there, under alias names for years. The family that didn't escape Russia was being savagely murdered one by one under Lenin. The horrors only continued with Stalin and my mother lived in constant fear. She refused to have any children at that time, fearing that one day she'd be found out and her children would be killed as well." Her eyes began to tear up, having similar thoughts herself about her own children's safety, realizing all to well that the fear was well founded. "Finally, with the death of Stalin, changes were beginning to take place in Russia and my father who had contacts on the inside, told them it was safe for them to return. Nikita Kruschev, the new leader, learned of my mother's identity and vowed to keep it a secret from the public, as long as she did. It served his own purposes, knowing that if the people found out my mother had survived, they would revolt, claiming her to be the true and rightful leader of Russia as the only surviving member of the family. He wanted to stay in power, and she just wanted to live peacefully in her home country so she obliged by his rules and he didn't kill her. She found out she was pregnant with me shortly there after." Irina smiled and gently rubbed her belly with her fingers, imagining her mother being pregnant with her at around the same age for the first time. "My father said it was a surprising blessing as they had given up on ever having a family. He said it brought the sparkle back into my mother's eyes and a 'peace' to her soul. I was there 'second chance'... Katya followed a year later. The government kept tabs on everything we did and we were forced to live a life of secrecy and lies, only our parent's closest friends new our true identity out of fear for our lives. Two of those close friends, Mr. Vaughn, were your grandparents, Talia and Mishka." She smiled softly and took another sip of tea.
Vaughn remained silent and let her continue.
"The government had taken everything from my mother, she had nothing left of her former life. When they moved to Russia they had to start all over and we were living in poverty. My father was a brilliant man, a mathematics professor in Paris, but was not allowed to work as such inside the Soviet Union. He worked very hard when I was little. I remember only getting to see him a couple of hours a day when he would come and tuck us in for bed when he was leaving for one factory job and waking us for school when he was coming home and leaving for the other. He always made sure that Katya and I never went without any thing that was necessary. We never went hungry, and we always had clothes and of course there was a lot of love and laughter. Whenever he had a spare moment he was always insisting upon teaching us something new. He wanted us to be educated and prepared for when we started school." She smiled focusing on Vaughn again, "It was at one of his factory jobs that he made friends with your grandfather… My father was offered a job with the Soviet government when I was almost six years old, and though he loathed taking it…it presented a lot of opportunities for a better life for us. He made more money and we were able to move into a better neighborhood with better schools… My family remained good friends with your father's and eventually, your grandfather went to work for the government as well. I knew your father since I was two years old…" She kept her eyes focused on Vaughn, not wanting to look at Jack. "Growing up, our families spent a great deal of time together and we played together often as children…often sneaking into this palace to play in the Children's gardens and house my grandfather had built for my mother and her sisters and brother. We went to the same sports clubs and were in the same schools. Other than my sister, he was my best friend and the only friend who knew my true identity. I could talk to him about anything. Mikhail understood my frustrations with my life being so restricted. He understood my passion to get out from under the microscope. He was recruited into the KGB two years before me. I was fifteen and he was eighteen when he finally asked me out…" She smiled and shook her head thinking about how young that really was and what a long time ago it seemed to be. "We dated a while but decided that it wasn't meant to be…that we were better as friends…and we were, not to say we didn't love each other…we did," Irina braved a glance at Sydney and then, back to Vaughn, still ignoring Jack and thankful he was sitting off to the side of her. "But not 'in love' with each other. Your father left on his KGB assignment on October 1st, of 1970… that was the last time I saw him, until the summer of 1974 when Jack and I attended a formal dinner in Washington for the Department of State and we ran into each other…"
Jack's mind raced back to that night. He remembered the encounter as well but had forgotten about it until now. He was so proud to call her his wife that night, having the entire party enchanted not only by her stunning beauty, but by her wit as well. She certainly was the best of the best when it came to enchanting, dangerously so… He had introduced them, remembering the man from their time at Langley together, and could see the sparkle and surprise in Irina's eyes as the man kissed her hand. Jack had chalked her reaction up to the comment that Vaughn's father made to him, while kissing her hand, about how Jack was so lucky to find a beauty with brains. Now he knew why…
"We ran into each other again in the hallway near the restrooms and arranged to meet each other early in the morning the next day."
Jack felt his chest getting tighter at the thought of Irina running away in the middle of the night to meet with her old boyfriend in some hotel room while he slept. He also remembered her sliding back into bed with him and spooning up behind him.
"It was so exciting to see him again, he was the only familiar face I knew from back home." Irina smiled. "So much had changed in both of our lives since we'd last seen each other. He told me he had met and fallen completely in love with your mother while on assignment in France, that they married and that he was now a father. He couldn't stop talking about how happy he was and showed me pictures of you and your mother."
Vaughn felt a tug of war going on inside him about this information.
"I was so happy for him; I could see it in his eyes… he was truly, happy. He asked me about my life and said that Jack seemed like a wonderful man and husband, but he was concerned…" Irina finally looked at Jack, "Because he could see, that I was falling head-over-heals in love with Jack… and by doing that, I was putting myself in danger… I told him it was too late… I'd already fallen and now we were having a baby…"
Irina tore her eyes away from Jack's and turned them back to Sydney and Vaughn, "He could see how happy I was and told me he was happy for me… but that he was still worried about me… worried about 'us,' about leaving this wonderful life and our families behind someday… I told him to stop worrying about something that might never come… but it did." She looked down sadly at the empty cup in her hand. "I received my orders to 'remove' your father from his assignment, I hadn't seen him since that night in D.C. … He had received his orders for extraction and met with me in warehouse downtown."
"Where they found his body." Vaughn whispered quietly, mentally thinking out loud.
"Yes." She spoke just as softly, still skeptical of revealing this information to them. "He didn't want to leave you, Vaughn."
She looked deep into his eyes wanting him to see that his father loved him as much as she loved Sydney and they had no choice, "Or your mother… but we had no choice at the time. We followed our orders… and I killed 'William Vaughn."
"Where did you get the body?" Vaughn wanted to know exactly how his father's 'death' was planned for, wanting to know exactly how he was deceived for all these years. "We buried someone in that gravesite and I want to know who."
"I don't know. Khasinau provided the body and it was my job to make it unrecognizable yet identifiable as your father. I asked, whom the person was… he told me 'someone who didn't listen to orders,' and that was my cue to stop asking questions. I just wanted to get it over with. So I did my job and then drove your father to the Mexican border… I didn't see him again until Kashmir." Her eyes once again started to fill with tears and she forced herself to blink them back.
"Why was he there? Why did the KGB suspect my father of being double-agent?"
"Vaughn, your father was so miserable when he returned… he thought of nothing but returning to his wife and son…He made the decision that he was going to turn himself in to the CIA and ask for immunity as a defector… The KGB caught him on train out of the country."
Vaughn was stunned silent by the news that his father had tried to make his way back to them, and that is why he was imprisoned.
"He'd been in Kashmir, for four months already by the time I arrived. Vaughn… he loved you… so much. He told me… that just before he left… you were trying out for the Little League baseball team."
Vaughn's eyes perked up at mention of it.
"He survived everyday he was in that hell hole…by imagining you what position you'd play… hitting a home run…he was trying to keep his sanity. By concentrating on the people he loved, doing normal everyday things… it would take his mind off what was happening to him." She had to pause to wipe away a tear making its way down her cheek. "I know what that's like. I was doing the same thing by imagining everyday what Sydney was in her Thanksgiving play." The tears were now making a steady stream down her cheeks.
"That's why you asked about the play… what part I played?" Realization suddenly hitting Sydney smack in the chest about why her mother's first question about her life after not seeing her for twenty years, was about a play that took place just after she 'left.' Sydney started crying and pulled her mother into her, feeling like that six-year-old little girl all over again who just wants to hug her mommy.
Jack was feeling especially guilty, once again, at this new revelation. It was Sydney's answering of the 'Thanksgiving Play' question that pushed him over the edge when Irina was in CIA custody. He'd seen the question as a manipulation by Irina, in trying to forge a bond with their daughter and he wasn't about to let that happen… He set her up, and she was almost successfully executed because of it… because Irina wanted to know that Sydney was a turkey. Not out of malicious intent, but because that thought had been her saving grace in keeping her sanity intact while she was being tortured in prison… The thought of what he almost did, and the ridiculous reasons behind it… making him sick now that he knew the truth.
Sydney pulled back from Irina and wiped away her mother's tears for the first time. Irina smiled at her daughter and nodded in Vaughn's direction. Sydney turned to see the tears in Vaughn's eyes from learning his father's own survival method and Irina was prompting Sydney to give him a hug too. Sydney caught on to why her mother was nodding and moved to Vaughn's side, kissing his temple and pulling his head into her as she sat on the armchair, giving him the side-ways hug.
"Tell me about the escape? Please?" Vaughn's tone with Irina was growing softer the more he learned about her and his father.
"Between our interrogation sessions… they would make us work. I passed your father a couple of times when we'd both been scrubbing the floors or doing laundry. We were never able to talk much but we had other ways of communicating."
"Such as?" Vaughn prompted wanting to know exactly what happened.
"Morris Code with our eyes or tapping our fingertips as we worked; writing messages in code with the soap…" Seeing their incredulous looks of astonishment, "I know it sounds crazy… but it's all we had. I had access to Cuvee's office a few times and each time I was able to memorize something different… the plans of the prison, the sewer tunnels and land mine locations."
They could see from the look in Irina's eyes 'why' it was exactly that she had 'access' to Cuvees office and the images of her rape on the film began flashing through their minds. The monster must have been having his' own private 'sessions' with her.
"We were almost through the landmines when we heard the alarm that announced our escape. The condition your father was in… I knew there was no way he was going to survive if he was caught… and the chances of one of us getting away was better than two… so I stopped running. It didn't take long for the guards to get to me… your father turned around and noticed I wasn't behind him anymore… he stood staring at me for a second… I started screaming for him to 'RUN!' But he remained there… I saw a guard aiming to shoot him and I kicked the legs out from under him, yelling at your father once again to run. He turned around and started running again but he looked back not wanting to leave me… and then there was a giant flash as a landmine went off… I screamed… and then they knocked me out." Her eyes moist again with unshed tears. "That was the last time I saw your father."
Vaughn remained silent for several moments, "You plead guilty to my father's murder…You were almost executed for committing a non-existent murder. Why? Why would you do that? Why would you let us keep believing you killed him?"
Irina thought carefully about how to answer this question, "I saw what finding out about who I really was, did to my daughter… to my husband… it destroyed their lives. Everything I loved… was lost. There was no point of living for me anymore when I plead Guilty." Irina's tears began falling again, "I was already going down and I saw no point in exposing your father and bringing him down with me. He was a good, kind, decent man who loved his country… but loved his wife and son even more. If you don't believe in anything else, I say… please believe in that. Your father was the same man you knew and loved. There was just more to him then you were able to see." Irina didn't think she could take any more crying tonight and revealing painful memories, she collected herself and rose from the couch, "Listen, it's late and you've traveled such a long way. I know you must be tired and I have to get up early for several appointments in the morning. We can finish talking tomorrow, ok? But for now, I think it's best if we all just go to bed and try to get some sleep."
They nodded in agreeing with her.
"I'll show you to your rooms, follow me." She walked out of the library towards the grand staircase, the three of them following closely behind.
"Wait…we left our bags…" Sydney began noticing they were no longer near the door where they'd left them.
"I asked Dmitri if he would take them up for you while I was in the kitchen. They are already waiting for you in your room." Irina smiled from the middle of the staircase. She led them past at least ten doors before finally making her into an enormous bedroom. It was newly renovated and modern but with the traditional Russian style and it looked spectacular, like something out of a fairy tale.
There were giant glass doors with sheer white drapes leading out onto the balcony, and the ceiling at least thirty feet high was adorned with a beautiful mural of clouds and angel babies playing. The bedroom was bigger than Sydney's entire house.
Jack noticed that Sydney and Vaughn's bags were waiting on the bed and he immediately became unnerved with the idea.
"Sydney…Vaughn, this is your room. There's a bathroom through that door," She pointed to the far end of the room, "And if you need anything at all… just press this button," She walked to a golden box with three colored buttons, sitting on one of the nightstands and pointed to the red one, "And Dmitri will get it for you. If you need me, I am the gold and Katya is the silver. Ok?" She smiled and rested her hands on top her belly before moving to walk out of the door, ignoring Jack's disapproving look that she would put their daughter and her boyfriend in the same room. "Sleep well. If I'm gone when you get up," Seeing Sydney's eyes flash with worry, "I will be back later in the afternoon." She smiled and took hold of Sydney's hand. "I have some appointments I must attend to in the morning and early afternoon, but I promise… I will come back and we can spend the afternoon together. I was going to say…feel free to walk around and explore all you want while I am gone. The house, the gardens… whatever… Just don't get lost." She smiled and tilted Sydney's face with her fingers to look her in the eye. "Goodnight, Sweetheart… I love you, Sydney."
"Mom," Sydney grabbed her hand just as she was about to pull away, "I love you, too." She smiled in return and pulled her in for a hug, loving this new relationship already. Her father had been right when he said she had wanted 'her' mother, her whole life. She couldn't seem to get enough of her now. "Spokoinoi nochi." Sydney said 'Goodnight' to her mother in her native language for the first time seeing how natural it was for Irina to converse with both her sister and Dmitri in Russian without even thinking. It was her first language, after all. She was making-an-effort to understand her mother now.
The gesture brought tears to Irina's eyes again and she blinked them back, not wanting to cry again. She'd done enough of that already tonight. "Spokoinoi nochi." She smiled back and quickly left the room followed closely by Jack.
They walked past another five doors before Irina stopped and pushed her way into another enormous room, looking just about the same as Sydney and Vaughn's in design and architecture though the decoration was slightly different.
*Apologize*
Jack saw his bag waiting on the bed as Irina breezed by him to close the curtain on one of the large doors leading to the balcony. "This is your room…" Jack looked at her tentatively.
"No, this is your room." She let a small smile escape before moving to leave. "Goodnight, Jack."
"Whoa…wait a minute!" Jack grabbed her hand and stopped her from leaving. They hadn't had a chance to speak alone or at all for that matter, all night and he wasn't ready to go to bed until he had his say. "We need to talk." He said softly, looking into her eyes, refusing to let go of her hand.
"Yes, Jack… I know we do, in fact I tried that before. But please, its late… I'm tired and I don't think the baby and I can stand another one of your verbal assaults tonight. Can't this wait until tomorrow? I really don't want to fight with you tonight." Irina sighed trying to force herself not to get angry with him.
"I don't want to fight with you either, and 'no' this can't wait…we've waited too long already. Irina," He stole her move of caressing the back of her hand now that he was nervous, "I'm sorry."
She remained silent, staring at him intently with her big brown eyes that melted him every time he stare into their depths.
"I'm sorry I didn't 'shut up' and listen to you… and I'm sorry for the horrible things I said to you. I didn't mean them." He recalled exactly what she had said to him that night in LA in trying to get him to listen to her.
"Yes, you did. And you were right." She looked away from him and he lifted one of his hands to tilt her chin up to look at him, his hand remained on the side of her face.
"No. I didn't mean it and no, I wasn't right. I know what you did for me… for Sydney… I know why you did it. I was wrong about so many things. I'm sorry. What happened to you… in Kashmir…Cuvee-"
"Jack, please." Irina's eyes filled with tears and she tried to look away, but Jack wouldn't let her. "I don't want your pity."
"I don't pity you… Pity is the furthest thing from my mind when I think of you… but I'm going to kill him… for what he did to you… what he did to our baby," Jack felt his eyes beginning to blur with unshed tears he was trying to control.
"Jack… I'm so sorry about the baby." She gasped to hear Jack speak of their lost baby for the first time with a flood of new tears.
"Irina, it's not your fault that man is insane. You did the best you could under the circumstances and you certainly don't have to apologize for what he did to you… He's a monster for what he did to you… Though I can't say I'm much better. I tried to have you executed for something you didn't do because I felt threatened by your relationship with our daughter… I shot you and almost killed you and our unborn child-"
"Jack," She tore her eyes away and continued to stare at the floor as the tears made their way down her cheek. "It's late…you should get some sleep."
"And I lied to you… about that night in Panama."
Her eyes darted to his, searching for understanding with held breath; new tears already surging forth in her eyes she fought desperately to hold back with the flicker of hope in her heart at what he was suggesting by saying he had lied to her before.
"I wanted to hurt you… like you hurt me, so I lied to you about using you, getting revenge for all the years I thought you used me... I did 'see' your intentions that night and I know you weren't using me…I knew you were up to something with Sloane…I wished I were wrong, that I could change your mind. I knew you were going to try to stop me… stop us from making love because you didn't want me to think you were using me when you went through with your plan, but… I didn't care… I needed you…just you… my wife…with no CIA, no Sloane, no missions or Rambaldi… no master plans. I just needed you. I wanted you." Jack felt his heart start racing and the electricity begin surging through his body standing so close to Irina with her soft skin against his hand, looking at her standing there in the satin nightgown…images of her naked body melding with his that night in the hotel room racing through his brain now and like every night since. Only now, she was here, standing in front of him again.
"Jack, if this is about the baby," She gasped blinking back her tears and moved her hand to rest on her stomach, pulling her hand and face away from Jack's contact realizing he was likely only saying this now for fear of losing access to his child.
"No… it's not about the baby… I mean… yes, it is about the baby, " He took hold of her hand once again, stepping in front of her to block her exit. "This is about us."
"There is no 'us,' Jack!" Her voice raising an octave as she pulled her hand from his grasp, "There will never be an 'us."
"I don't believe that… not for a second or you wouldn't have risked yourself… our baby, by coming to me in the US." Jack's voice was rising and he regretted the tone the moment it left his mouth, it had come out all wrong…sounding like an accusation instead of a desperate plea to hold onto her and not let her talk her way out of this.
"You think I would intentionally put our child at risk?" She fumed. "Everything I've done since I found out I was pregnant was in interest of protecting this baby! I came to you to try to 'explain' why I had done what I'd done and to tell you about the baby…because I felt you had the right to know!" She stepped back staring him straight in the eye. "The first time I felt her kick was right after you'd just told me you only slept with me to use me. "
Jack's face fell immediately.
"The thought that this beautiful life growing inside me, a life we created, was out of your revenge on me…" She shook her head, holding back more tears, "I realized then, there would never be an 'us' again, if there, ever was one before." She inhaled a ragged breath to stop herself from sobbing and brushed passed him towards the door. "Goodnight Jack."
"Wait!" He followed after her, trying to stop her from leaving him again and grabbed her wrist in his desperation. This was not going at all how he'd hoped it would. He thought he would just tell her the truth, that he had lied before and she'd forgive him.
Irina's eyes tracked down to where he was holding her tightly, painfully so his grip held on so forcefully. She could see the hurt and panic and anger in his eyes but she was hurting and angry too. "Let go." She commanded in a forceful whisper looking at his grasp.
It was only then that Jack realized how tightly he was holding on and quickly let go, "I'm sor-" He tried to apologize for yet something else he'd done only Irina wouldn't hear it and cut him off.
"Goodnight." She whirled around leaving and shutting the door behind her so he couldn't follow. She'd only just made it into the hallway before she gasped inhaling her cry and the tears started coursing down her cheeks. She would not allow her heart to be broken again. He missed his wife, not her. He wanted Laura and she would not be used as a 'whore' again as his replacement. The woman who looked like the one he loved but wasn't the one he really wanted in his mind.
Jack stare at the closed door feeling his heart drop into his stomach with the realization of just how badly he'd hurt her by lying to her about Panama. Fear gripped him instantly that their roles had now reversed and that no matter what he said to her now, the damage had been done and maybe she wouldn't forgive him for his betrayal.