A/N: Don't own (although I'd love to have my very own Norman Reedus :D) don't sue!
Lyrics are from 'Rain' by Patty Griffin
Rain
Chapter Twenty Five
It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart
Beatin' close to mine
Poundin' up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud
Rain
Cassidy grinned tiredly at Maggie as she clambered onto the roof to take over for her watch. She climbed to her feet, stretching and yawning. The nights were getting much too cold for the dawn watch. She could sense Maggie hovering behind her and she turned questioningly. The brunette's eyes were puffy from lack of sleep, her cheeks drawn and pale.
"You and Dixon…" At the last moment her courage seemed to desert her and she swallowed the rest of her words. "Nothing. Never mind."
Cassidy slid down from the roof and into their room. Daryl was sound asleep, coiled up like a sleeping golden lion on the far side of the bed. The sheets were drawn up around his waist, his bare chest and arms glowing in the moonlight. He looked peaceful. She glared at him. She had seen the way Carol had looked at him. Whatever they said to each other, he wouldn't tell her about it. In fact he grunted at her whenever she mentioned it.
"Wha' you doin'?" He mumbled sleepily, cracking open an eye at her.
She didn't reply, closing up the window behind her. Usually she slipped out of her clothes and crept under the sheets with him, relying on him to keep her warm. Feeling hard-done-by and angry at all three of them, she wriggled out of her jeans and shirt and pulled on a ratty pair of shorts and a vest. She could feel his eyes boring into her as she climbed stiffly between the sheets, turning her back on him.
He made an enquiring noise at the back of his throat and she felt the bed shift as he edged a little closer. She stiffened her back, curling in on herself. All she could think of was that image of the two of them, leaning towards one another exchanging murmured words he was keeping from her. Doubts were flooding her brain. All the things she'd told him, her secrets and innermost thoughts and he had never given her anything in return. Not to her anyway. She was angry at herself. How could she have opened herself up to this? How could she have trusted him? She felt his hand on her hip, silently questioning. She rolled away from him, burying her face in her pillow. The suspicious burning at the back of her eyes only made her angrier.
"I think I'd have preferred it if you'd just screwed her."
She didn't realise she'd actually uttered the muffled words out loud until the silence behind her became deafening. He didn't say anything and she couldn't bring herself to actually have this conversation. So she curled up on the edge of the bed as far away as she could get.
"We have a serious problem!"
Rick squinted against the sun at the outline of Lochie's head. She was chewing on her lower lip worriedly, her hair standing on end where she'd run her fingers through it all morning.
"What's happened?"
Lochie grabbed his arm and dragged him around the building to where the others were spread out. She pointed at Cassidy.
"What?" Rick repeated in confusion.
"Look." Lochie insisted. "There's Cassidy."
Rick followed her pointed finger. Cassidy was sitting with Carl, helping him organise what was left of the food.
"Okay, now where's Daryl?"
Rick scanned the area. Daryl was fiddling with Merle's bike on the opposite side of the camp. Every now and then his gaze would flicker in Cassidy's direction and his frown would deepen.
"So?"
Lochie stared at him.
"They haven't spoken all day. When I went to take over watch from Maggie this morning, you could have driven a truck through the gap between them. Those beds really aren't that spacious."
"They probably had a fight." Rick shrugged.
"No! No." Lochie hissed. "When they fight they throw things, then make it up in the sack. This is something much worse."
"Just let them work it out." Rick advised.
Lochie looked about ready to burst into tears.
"Does she look like the kind of person who works out her issues in a sensible way?" She flounced off without waiting for a reply, marching right over to Daryl. "What have you done?"
Daryl glowered at her.
"Go away." He said roughly, in a dangerously calm voice.
"What have you done to her?! She looks like she's been crying. Cassidy never cries."
Daryl lurched to his feet, grabbing Lochie's arm in a painfully tight grip.
"I said fuck off." He hissed, shoving her away from him so violently that she stumbled.
"What the hell's going on?" Cassidy demanded, steadying a shaken Lochie.
"Nothing." Lochie said hastily.
"Sure, that's exactly what it looked like." Cassidy sneered. "Go help Carl."
Lochie opened her mouth to argue but Cassidy shot her a look and she scuttled off. Cassidy gave him a disgusted look and tried to stalk off, but Daryl grabbed her and almost yanked her off her feet pulling her back.
"What?" She demanded icily.
He looked down at her impotently, unable to find the right words.
"I'm not doing this." She said in a strangely clogged up voice. "I'm just… not doing this. This is not the time to get into some fucked up love triangle where everybody gets hurt."
He was gaping at her in confusion. She shrugged out of his grasp while he was distracted.
"I just can't believe I actually thought-" She broke off, glowering at him with suspiciously bright eyes.
"I don't know what you're talkin' about, lady." He protested, snatching her back when she tried to leave.
"I know." She snapped angrily.
"Daryl? Have you got a moment?"
Cassidy turned dark furious eyes on Carol. Her smile wavered and she took a frightened half-step back.
"I don't know, redneck. Why don't you think about it and let me know when you make up your mind."
Cassidy rushed away before he could open his mouth, wishing very much that she didn't feel as though a hand was clenching inside her chest.
Returning from a pretty unsuccessful hunt with nothing but a few scrawny squirrels had not improved Daryl's miserable mood any. A quick glance around the makeshift camp offered no hint of Cassidy's whereabouts. She still wasn't talking to him and he still didn't know why. On his way past the pool he was distracted by giggling. Lochie and Cassidy were sitting on the edge of the pool, feet dangling over the edge of the drained bowl. They were giggling wildly, heads close together chattering between the fits of giggles. Daryl was stunned, until he noticed the two empty bottles glistening in the sun besides them.
"Are you two DRUNK?" Daryl thundered, looking quite ready to breathe fire as he towered over them.
"I sure hope so." Lochie giggled. "We've totally run out of booze."
Cassidy wobbled precariously as she rocked back laughing, very nearly tumbling into the deep end of the drained pool. Daryl was speechless, so used to Cassidy being alert and completely in control, ready for anything, seeing her like this was like a shock of cold water.
"What's goin' on?" He demanded, glaring from one to the other.
"You said it yourself, redneck." Cassidy took a gulp from an almost empty bottle in her lap. "We're drunk."
"Oh so drunk." Lochie agreed cheerfully, snatching the bottle from Cassidy and slugging some down. "We're drowning our sorrows. Soothing our broken hearts by pickling them in cheap alcohol. Cheers." She saluted Daryl with the bottle and swallowed some more of the pungent liquor.
Cassidy hadn't looked at him yet, although from the bright glitter of her eyes he was pretty sure she was having troubling focusing on anything with any real clarity right now. Lochie leaned over to Cassidy, whispered something in her ear and then covered her face with her hands to hide her snorts of laughter. Cassidy sputtered, choking on her giggles and Daryl flushed bright pink.
"I-" Lochie clambered ungainly to her feet, clinging onto Daryl for balance. "Need more alcohol."
"The hell you do." Daryl snarled, yanking her upright rather unceremoniously. "Go drink some water and lie down. Now."
Lochie stuck her tongue out and weaved off.
"I better make sure she doesn't get eaten." Cassidy muttered to herself, making it onto her feet after the third try.
Daryl grabbed her before she plummeted into the empty pool. Cassidy jerked her arm out of his grip, stumbling back a few steps and further onto firm earth.
"Don't…" She finally looked at him, the alcohol had stripped her walls and defences down. She looked young, confused and broken. Daryl felt sick. "I… don't feel good." She staggered and he reached for her automatically. "Not good… at all."
She stumbled and this time he did catch her. She looked at him as if she'd never seen him before and it sent him reeling. He propped her up against him, leading her towards their room. She tripped and when he steadied her, he realised she'd passed out.
"What happened?" Rick asked worriedly as he came hurrying over.
"Drunk." Daryl grunted as he manoeuvred her into their room. "Better check on Lochie."
Rick eyed the prone form of Cassidy sprawled on the bed, then darted off to find Lochie.
"No. Don't touch me." Cassidy protested thickly, struggling against him as he tired to remove her boots.
"Calm down! It's just me, Red." Daryl grunted as she managed a sneaky blow at his solar plexus with her elbow.
"I know. Let go. Don't touch me. Don't hurt-"
Daryl felt like she'd punched him in the gut with something blunt and heavy.
"I'm not gonna hurt ya." He murmured around the blockage in his throat.
"Again?" At least that's what he thought she'd muttered stonily into her pillow before she passed out again.
Trying not to think about it, he tugged off her boots and jeans and covered her with the sheets.
"Lochie, you need to come down." Rick entreated, trying not to look at her. She had somehow found a bikini, that covered very little, amongst her things and had clambered up onto the diving board. "Please?"
"Why?" Lochie called down, jiggling a little on her toes until the board shuddered creakily. "Pretty sure I'd notice a walker sneaking up on me up here."
Rick couldn't argue with her logic. After some more cajoling, and a few threats, she finally climbed down.
"Where did you put your clothes?" He asked sternly.
Lochie shrugged, tiptoeing delicately around the edge of the pool.
"Dunno. Why don't you offer me your shirt like a gentleman? Come on, Sheriff, I'll Ro Sham Bo you for it."
Rick stared at her. Lochie stared back with her hands on her hips, then wobbled. She sat down very suddenly.
"Why did you get yourself like this?" Rick chastised, offering her his hands to help her to her feet.
She lost her footing, bouncing off him until he steadied her.
"What do you care?" She giggled. "Are you going to arrest me, Sheriff?" She turned and squinted at the camp. "Not even a chance of getting laid."
Rick blinked.
"Okay, you really need to sleep this off."
"You're not the boss of me." Lochie pouted, trying to shove away from him but stumbling and sliding back against him. "You don't want to sleep with me, what do you care if I sleep with T-Dog or Glenn or… or Hershel!"
"Hershel? Really?"
Lochie tried to maintain her glare but the look on Rick's face was just too funny. He took her arm and guided her to her room. She collapsed onto her bed with a groan. She was still groaning when he returned with some water and a t-shirt.
"So what's this all about?" He asked, feeding her the bottle of water and brushing her hair out of her face as she obediently drank.
"Cassidy." Lochie mumbled, pulling on the t-shirt with some difficulty. "Whoa. There's spinning."
She lay down and squeezed her eyes shut, groaning piteously. Rick waited. Eventually she rolled over towards him.
"She's upset about Daryl. And Carol. Something. I don't really remember. She doesn't talk a lot, you know. She was upset. I know that."
"And you thought getting paralytic would help."
"Abso-fucking-lutely."
Rick tried hard to keep his serious face on, even when she peeped up at him wretchedly.
"I'm pretty sure you'll regret it tomorrow." Rick pushed her hair off her face, feeling the scorching heat of her cheeks.
Lochie shrugged, dragging the sheet over her head.
"Anything for a friend, right?"
Bright burning sunlight seared across her vision. Loud voices echoing and clanging in her poor aching head. She was dying. She'd been bitten and this was the fever. The sun got even brighter and she rolled away from it irritably. Mistake. Her stomach kept right on rolling without her permission. She staggered off the bed, her foot tangling in her discarded sheets and depositing her in an ungainly pile on the rather disgusting floor. She crawled into the bathroom and hung her head into the toilet, which was exactly the position she was still in when Daryl returned from his watch to check on her.
"How you doin' in there?"
Retching was followed by coughing.
"Dying."
He stomped into the room, all of his anger dissipating when he saw her sprawled pathetically on the floor still in just her t-shirt and underwear with her head down the toilet.
"Here." He handed her some water.
She took it, avoiding his eye. He leaned against the doorframe and surveyed her. They had never had any problems communicating in their own way before. Now he didn't know how to bridge the gap she'd put between them.
"Anythin' you want?"
She threw up again, then rinsed her mouth out with the water.
"Bacon double cheeseburger and chilli cheese fries."
He snorted.
"Sure that's a good idea?"
"You asked what I wanted."
The usual playful tone was gone. Daryl felt like he'd swallowed a pile of rocks and they'd settled heavily in the base of his stomach. It wasn't the cold shoulder, he was pretty used to that from women, it was how much it bothered him. He felt like his best friend had cut him off without a word of explanation, like he was missing a lung and he had to work twice as hard to breathe.
"You don't have to hang around. I've managed a hangover on my own before. Admittedly never without Top Gear and some bacon but I'm sure I can cope."
"Two bottles of whiskey and a bottle of vodka. That's gonna be some hangover." He observed.
She shrugged, wiping cold sweat from her forehead with a shaking hand.
"I was hoping for some memory loss."
Daryl had the feeling that was supposed to be a dig of some sort so he didn't reply. Rick appeared in the doorway behind Daryl, studying Cassidy anxiously. Cassidy lifted a hand in greeting.
"Lochie's pretty much the same." He informed Daryl, scratching his chin.
"Remind me never to take these gals on." Daryl muttered darkly, eyeing the empty bottles clinking in Rick's hands.
"They did knock it back." Rick admitted. He half turned towards Daryl, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. "Can you take her watch?"
Daryl nodded, wondering why Rick looked too embarrassed to meet his gaze. Rick nodded at him and left rather hastily. Daryl looked at Cassidy, curled around the grimy toilet looking worse than any walker he'd ever seen.
"Wanna talk 'bout it?" He asked stiffly, the concept foreign on his tongue.
"About what?" Cassidy swirled some water around her mouth to remove the acrid taste.
"Whatever. Why you got like this." Daryl accused, swallowing uncomfortably and wiping his sweating palms on his jeans. "Why you won't-"
She half-looked at him. He looked right back at her. They were teetering, balancing on a knife edge.
"Daryl?" Carl's timid voice preceded him into the room. "Carol was looking for you."
Daryl was watching Cassidy, he saw the shuttered look flash across her pale face and a glimmer of understanding flickered to life at the back of his mind.
"Better hop to it, redneck."
He scowled, stomping out of the room. Carl tiptoed in and peered at Cassidy with big worried eyes.
"Are you okay?"
Cassidy groaned and then offered him a wavery smile with evident effort.
"This is what alcohol does to you, kid."
Carl frowned.
"Is it worth it?"
"At the time, yes. Absolutely." Cassidy laughed, then winced as hot pain needled through her brain.
"Doesn't look like it."
She grinned.
"That bad, huh?"
Carl tried his very hardest to shrug it off but Cassidy staggered painfully to her feet and squinted into the mirror.
"Oh god." She winced, eyeing the mess looking back at her.
"Maybe you should go back to bed." Carl suggested timidly.
"Have you seen Lochie?" Cassidy asked as Carl helped her limp back into the bedroom, every footstep like an anvil on her head.
"Yes." Carl took her elbow as she stumbled over her discarded boots.
"How does she look?" Cassidy breathed a sigh of relief as she gained the safety of the bed, clinging to it gratefully.
Carl laughed nervously, watching Cassidy crawl back onto the bed.
"She's curled up in a blanket in the shade with Glenn's hat and my sunglasses."
"Is she talking or making those little noises like a cat stuck in a toaster?"
Carl cocked his head thoughtfully.
"Bit of both." He announced after careful consideration.
Cassidy laughed.
"I've seen her in worse conditions. She'll live." She peeped open an eye when he didn't reply. He was looking upset and edgy. "Spit it out, kid."
"I heard Maggie talking. About you… and Daryl… and Carol."
Carl was blushing furiously, his head ducked so low she could see the back of his neck.
"Don't worry about it, kid. It's fine."
"Are you sure? It's just that… you don't look real happy." Carl said quietly, looking at her with big sad eyes. "You look… and Daryl-" Carl broke off with a scared look over his shoulder, as if he expected Daryl to be lurking.
"Really, everything's going to be okay. Don't sweat it, kid."
"That's what my dad keeps saying about my mom." He told his lap sadly.
"This is totally different." Cassidy protested, putting her hand on his and patting it awkwardly.
He blinked at her hand in amazement.
"Why are you mad at him?"
Cassidy groaned.
"Please. Not now. I'm dying here." She pleaded miserably. "I can't think about Daryl Dixon. Everything hurts."
Carl got up, looking at the door in alarm.
"It's the hangover." She reassured him before he ran for help. "Look, we'll talk about it later. When I'm not seeing in triple-vision."
"He made you mad, right?" Carl said warily. "Can't he just apologise?"
"Daryl Dixon? Apologise?" Cassidy snorted, wincing at the pain it sent through her head. "It's not just something he did; it's what he might do. It's whether I want to be around if he does do it. It's whether it's worth it or not."
"Worth what?" Carl frowned, completely at a loss.
"Pain." Cassidy sighed. "Trust me, kid. You'll understand when you're older."
"That's what everyone says." He muttered mutinously.
Cassidy groaned again, burying her head under a pillow and whimpering. Carl pulled her sheet up around her and tucked it in.
"I'll go get you some more water." He said quietly.
"Thanks, kid."
piratejessieswaby – glad you do :)
LadyLecter47 – me too, I'm saving the first few episodes for when I have time to watch them all at once :D can't wait
Synvara – I'm getting there, she'll get what's coming to her. I'm thinking of something nasty happening to Carol, just to keep her hands off Daryl. How dare she grrrr. Glad you like my characters lol
JellyBear7 – thanks here's your update
JDMlvr1 – I'm glad you're liking it, personally I'd drop Lori off a very high building but you know those writers lol