Chapter 29
Don't Come True
The closing of eyes. The slowing of breath. The fading of thoughts. The dreaming.
Except it didn't feel like a dream. It felt so real.
Anakin saw a small boy with moppy blond hair and beige non-descript clothes. As the features came into view he realized that the little boy was him. Qui-Gon was walking somewhere. Anakin didn't know where. His 9 year old self chased the Jedi. The image changed. He was sixteen suddenly, locked away in his chambers during what was supposed to be a meditation session.
His eyes were downcast and he looked lonely and sad. He must have missed his mother. He must have felt out of place among the Jedi. He always saw the other Padawans whispering and he knew they were talking behind his back. The boy that got special privileges because of some stupid prophecy. The boy who didn't seem that special at all. The boy that broke rules and got handed things easily.
He didn't care about a prophecy or saving the world. All he wanted was a friend. Someone who'd understand.
Again the dream changed. He was 19 and on Tatooine with the Lars family. Except Shmi wasn't there. Where was she? Suddenly he was standing in a village of huts. Huts made of the leathery hide of some animal.
His lightsaber was in his hand and the bodies of Tusken Raiders were littered around him and he realized he had killed them.
The dream seemed to have been the replaying of memories for a bit but now it took a strange and upsetting turn.
His younger dream self picked up a body, his mother's, beaten and bruised and wrapped it in fabric. He sped away from the village along a clear star spotted sky and a desert washed in silver moonlight.
Once more the image changed. Now he saw a planet of volcanoes constantly erupting. Rivers and lakes of lava everywhere. The bodies of Neimodians scattered around him, his eyes yellow like a Sith's. Suddenly he was lying in some medical facility burned beyond recognition, struggling to breathe, apparatus over his mouth to help him do so. No medication, no sedation. Medical droids fastening robotic limbs to him. His wounded animal sounding screaming. His screaming. A black suit. A mechanical monster.
He woke up struggling to catch his breath, cold with sweat, frightened by what he had just seen.
His dreams were always prophetic. The last one with Obi-Wan, Siri, and Ahsoka proved to be true.
He knew that life would never be easy. Knew it wouldn't be perfect, but to fall, to go down that path. He thought that was done and over with. That he'd never struggle to stay in the light again. His dream had proved him wrong.
He had thought things were bad now, but they were going to get worse. Everything was going to get worse.
Mace Windu, Depa Billaba, and Luminara Unduli were walking down the corridors of the Jedi Temple engaged in conversation. They reached an area in the Temple with a marble veranda and vines and roses strewn about the veranda balustrade. Before they could discuss what they had wanted to discuss there was the sound of boots scuffling nearby.
Anakin's voice rang out behind them. They turned around in surprise.
"Master Windu!"
"Yes, Anakin. What is it?"
"I need to speak to you about something."
Mace smiled. "Can it wait until I'm finished with my conversation with my colleagues?"
"I apologize. It was rude of me to interrupt, but I would like some advice about something important. I can wait for you to finish. Sorry, Master Windu."
Depa smiled understandingly. "It's alright. We were all young and confused once too. Go and help him."
"Thank you, Master Billaba." Anakin said.
Master Windu and Anakin walked to another chamber.
"What's going on, Anakin?"
"I had a dream last night. It's been troubling me."
"What sort of dream?"
"A nightmare. I have dreams sometimes that predict the future. Some of them come true. It's a curse I've been given. Last night my dream started out like any other dream, but then things changed. I saw myself do terrible things. I murdered people. I was a monster."
"And you're worried that this dream is one of the ones that will come true." Mace stated more than asked.
"Yes. I dreamed my mother would die and she did. I dreamed that my friends would be hurt on Tatooine and that became real. I need your help. What should I do? How do I stop it from happening? I don't want to be a Monster." He stopped, trying to hold back his emotions. They were getting the better of him. "I just want to be a good person. I good husband and father. And a good Jedi."
"A wise Jedi once said that by trying to stop something from happening, we unwittingly cause it to become real."
"So I should do nothing?" Anakin asked with frustration.
"Well, not exactly. You should remember your teachings, Anakin. Meditate, trust in the Force. Remember who you are. You're a good man."
Anakin looked away for a moment, trying to make sense of his thoughts.
"If any of us see that you're succumbing to the dark side, we'll help you. Don't worry. You are not alone. Remember that."
"Thank you, Master Windu."
"You're welcome, Anakin."
Anakin began to walk away.
"May the Force be with you," the older Jedi said.
Anakin smiled faintly. "May the Force be with you as well."
Anakin stepped into Padmé's apartment. To his surprise Jacen was with the rest of the family. They were watching a holo film in the living room.
Padmé noticed him. "Anakin! Come and join us."
Jacen stood up and walked over to him.
Anakin was prepared for the boy's sour attitude and moodiness, but instead the boy looked happy.
"How are things, Jacen? You hold the fort down while I was gone?"
Jacen laughed. "Yeah. Everything went fine."
Anakin smirked. "Good."
"You finally left your room. I didn't know that I was gonna get to see you much." Anakin joked.
"Yeah, well, I kinda missed you." Jacen replied, slightly embarrassed.
Anakin chuckled. "Oh."
Jacen hugged Anakin suddenly. Anakin didn't know how to react for a moment. But then he hugged the boy back.
"Thank you, Jacen."
"No problem, Dad."
Anakin was touched by the word. "Dad."
It felt good to hear that. Leia and Luke were too young to call him that. They could barely speak. And here was a boy that didn't want to belong to Anakin's family. And now he did.
He would probably have nightmares for the rest of his life.
But it didn't matter anymore because he had his family.
He had people who loved him. People who would help him.
He recalled Mace Windu's words just an hour ago
"You are not alone."
"You are not alone."