Chapter 3

When she first opened her eyes it felt like she was looking through a heavy haze. Kalinda waited for the room to come in to focus in front of her, afraid to move. Well, even if she wanted to, she didn't think she would accomplish much; her entire body felt as though it was weighted down with lead and there was a numb, tingling sensation in her abdomen. A dull ache hung in seemingly every muscle, not anything to cause too much discomfort but it had enough of a presence for Kalinda to know that the only thing keeping that discomfort at bay was a strong pain killer and she instantly started dreading the moment when the drugs would wear off.

As if it had been biding its time, waiting for Kalinda to become aware of her condition and more importantly, her pain, memories of the attack flooded her mind's eye in broken, haphazard flashes. The thick forearm crushing her neck, a sickening smell of cheap whiskey and cigars… Cary (I couldn't have done it without you). Faces came in and out of focus in her mind's eye and she grasped at splinters of a memory that must have been her in the back of an ambulance. Then Cary's face; he was there too. No, not his face, it was his hands. She hadn't seen them, but felt them; tightly holding onto hers in a wordless plea (Don't let go).

Kalinda saw the room with new eyes, everything now crystal clear, as if the clarity of her mind helped her vision along. A purpose was born in that moment; the purpose to find the man who did this to her and make him pay. The resolve for revenge awakened something in her and Kalinda tried to sit. The act took more effort than she had to give though and she quickly collapsed back on to the pillows completely drained; the numb tingling in her middle transforming into a more acute kind of pain. The moment was here, she thought wearily, the pain killers were wearing off.

Her eyes found a dark shape in the corner, nestled in an armchair asleep. Will. Scanning the room she saw every available flat surface covered with fruit baskets, balloons, flowers, basically every cheesy item available at a hospital gift shop. She lingered on a regulation test dummy often used by cops as it stood propped upright at the door. It had a target sheet plastered onto its front with the words "K, quit being a sissy and get your ass back to work" written on it. The bottom of the sheet was signed simply "CPD". A small smile broke onto Kalinda's face; the guys at the Chicago Police Department were always good for a laugh.

"Hey, you're awake," Will said, his voice still thick with sleep.

"Hey, you're awake," she replied playfully, and suddenly realized that she was grateful she wasn't alone.

Kalinda had been on her own more often than not since coming to Chicago to start a new life and she silently cursed no one in particular that it should even matter that someone was there when she woke up. She tried to think of the moment when it all changed, when having "people" became important to her and rationalized that working closely with someone often forced the situation. Yes, she hadn't chosen Alicia or Will as a friend so much as circumstances demanded it and the same went for Cary.

Cary.

A sudden pang of something that felt like missing someone stole across her heart and Kalinda knew that she was kidding herself. She was failing hopelessly at the loner type of lifestyle she had envisioned for herself - having no people meant no responsibilities, no disappointments, no hurt. She had learned the hard way that choosing to make yourself vulnerable meant doing it entirely; you couldn't be vulnerable to one person and impervious to another. You entire defense was weakened. Perhaps on different levels but still weakened and look where that had gotten her. If her thoughts had not been on Cary Agos that night would she have been able to sidestep the horror that had been waiting for her in the parking garage? Kalinda looked up to find Will watching her closely, eyes heavy with concern that made her shift uncomfortably under his gaze. She wasn't used to being on the receiving end of sympathy. It didn't feel right.

"How're you feeling?"

"What happened with the Herrman case?" she asked quickly, eager to avoid being the center of attention.

"What? That's not important. What's important right now is how you're feeling."

"I feel fine. What happened with the case?" Kalinda persisted in her usual way.

Will shook his head and chuckled softly. There really was no keeping her down. She was as stubborn as they come, which was part of what made her as brilliant as she was.

"We told Zach Herrman we knew about his gang ties, the information you brought us was solid. He agreed to settle, even though the prosecution didn't like the idea."

"Speaking of the prosecution-"

"Kalinda, come on, let's not do this now. You need to rest."

"I told you I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Will said sternly but keeping his voice low. "You spent two days in ICU, barely waking up and when you did you were completely out of it. They moved you here yesterday. We've been taking turns sitting with you and-"

"We?"

"Me, Alicia, Duane…"

"Duane?"

"The 24-hr bodyguard your cop friends set outside your door," Will replied with a grin, he knew that Kalinda wouldn't like that idea and tried to tell them that much but they wouldn't have any of it.

"That's not necessary," she replied, as Will knew she would.

"I know, but look around," Will said, motioning to the room filled with gifts, "there are a lot of people who care about you. I guess they just want to be careful until they're sure the threat's been taken care of."

"There is no threat," Kalinda replied stubbornly.

"Yeah? Let me punch you in the gut and then you tell me that again."

Kalinda turned her head from him, the only way she could show that she didn't like what he was saying. She felt weak and hated it; having control of her life wrested from her was something that made her sick to her stomach, reminded her of a time when she was still being governed by the paralyzing fears and insecurities of Leela Tahiri.

"He's a small time thug," she said eventually into the silence that had grown between them.

"How do you know?" Will asked, knowing that she was now speaking of her attacker.

"I could smell it," she replied, the sound of rising tears in her voice catching them both by surprise. Cigars… cheap whiskey… "I'm pretty sure it wasn't Zach Herrman but his lowlife lawyer who called him up."

"Okay," Will said contemplatively, "what do you need me to do?"

"Nothing," Kalinda said quickly, turning to look at him again. "I'll take care of it."

"Kalinda, there's already an open investigation. You can't-"

"I'll get to him before they do."

"And do what? You almost died the last time you ran into this guy-"

"This time will be different."

"Listen to me, you have resources, I suggest you use them. If you want to keep this off the books then I'm on board."

"What do you mean?" she asked, surprised at what Will was suggesting.

"I mean, I get if you don't want the cops involved. You can do it your way, but you don't have to do it alone." Will's voice was filled with sincerity as he spoke.

Kalinda always had his back and he knew that she often went to lengths that blurred the lines of the law in her efforts to help him. He was prepared to do the same for her; after everything's she had done for him, turning a blind eye would be easy.

SilkSilkSilkSilk

"I still think this is a bad idea," Alicia was saying as she grabbed a hold of Kalinda's hand, helping her to swing her legs over the side of the bed.

"Thanks for the update," Kalinda responded, her face a grimace of pain, "but you can go ahead and keep those to yourself." She leaned forward, letting her weight use gravity to get her onto the ground by slIding off the edge of the bed, holding tightly onto the hand her friend had offered, her toes gingerly reaching out, looking for the point when they would meet the floor and be required to hold her body upright.

"You can barely walk," Alicia persisted, now using her entire left side to steady Kalinda as she tried to stand.

"Barely's all the walk I need," she replied.

"Checking out against medical advice is too risky in your condition. I spoke to your doctor and even Cary said-"

"Yeah well Cary's not here, is he? He hasn't been here," Kalinda said, immediately ashamed of the tone of disappointment her voice took on.

Alicia had dropped by a day ago and although she didn't want to, Kalinda had asked about Cary. She had been visited by guys from the police department, Diane, Will, even Robyn spent a few awkward minutes with her since the time she woke up. Cary was conspicuously absent in all of that and when she asked about it, she didn't really like the reason…

Apparently Diane was reeling to land a new client based in DC but who was thinking of moving to Chicago. She was young, beautiful, newly rich, newly divorced and was looking for new representation. It was rumored that she had been looking at property in Chicago but also Manhattan so it was Diane's brainwave to send Cary to woo her and lead her toward settling in Chicago, making Lockhart Gardener's chances of getting her retainer that much more likely. Kalinda knew what made Cary the obvious choice for the job, he was a good lawyer but more importantly, he had a way with women and if anyone was going to charm upward of two hundred million dollars' worth of business into the firm's account it would be him. What bothered her (and the fact that she was bothered by it also bothered her) was that she didn't like the idea. Cary off in DC with another women, no matter how professional the smokescreen, when he should be - where exactly? With her? Her train of thought caught her off guard and Kalinda shook her head as if to rid her mind of the preposterous notion that she wanted Cary with her.

"He didn't want to go," Alicia offered, even though she knew it wouldn't do much to help the situation.

"You can let go now," Kalinda said, her steely expression offering a warning to Alicia to stop the course of debate she was currently on. "In here?" she then asked, turning to the overnight bag on the bed when Alicia finally let go.

Her friend nodded, her lips tightly pursed in a physical effort to keep from arguing against Kalinda leaving the hospital in her condition. Alicia watched as she started rifling through the bag, pulling out items of clothing.

"What are these?" Kalinda asked, trying to stifle a laugh as she held up a pair of flat pumps for Alicia to see.

"You don't own a single pair of flats," Alicia said. "I couldn't picture you walking out here in stiletto boots so I picked those up on my way over."

Kalinda chuckled softly at the puzzlement in Alicia's voice at the prospect of her not having flat shoes. When she was home she was quite comfortable walking around barefoot and outdoors she wouldn't be caught dead without her heels; it never occurred to her to spend money on something that she wouldn't wear.

"Do you mind?" she asked, turning her back to Alicia. "It hurts to take my arms that far back."

Alicia complied diligently, gently undoing the three sets of ties on the back of Kalinda's hospital gown. The flimsy fabric fell free easily, and Alicia found herself staring at the soft, brown skin of Kalinda's back. Her eyes followed the line of her spine and her breath caught audibly in her throat when she came across the garish blue green bruise that ran across her back, horrifically marking a division of halves just above her waist where the door of her trunk had slammed down on her.

"It looks worse than it feels," Kalinda said to Alicia's reaction, shrugging the gown from her shoulders with care, every movement of her arms meeting with a sharp ache thanks to her bruised ribs.

She was covered in bruises, her neck, arms... and although she couldn't see it, Kalinda felt the aching presence of the one across her back, even had a sickeningly fresh recollection of how it got there. She tried not to dwell on that though, instead the past few days of lying trapped in a hospital room, she had used her pain to feed the building urgency to set things right. Her doctor might not think that she was fit to leave but Kalinda knew that every minute her attacker was out there while she was holed up in hospital was precious time lost. She'd will herself better, had done many times before. Kalinda Sharma was no stranger to pain, physical or otherwise, and she had a lifetime of experience in overcoming the bleakest of situations.

Keeping her naked back to Alicia, Kalinda moved to put on the shirt her friend had packed. She noticed that Alicia had brought along comfortable loose-fitting clothes that would be easy to get in and out of, obviously thinking of Kalinda's current condition and most likely what prompted her to buy the pair of flats as well. Even with the simplicity of the clothes, Kalinda found herself having to grudgingly give in and let Alicia help her get her shirt on; her arms would only lift to a certain height before the strain screamed through her bruised ribs and freshly cut middle.

"Still think you can do this on your own?" Alicia asked once the effort of getting Kalinda dressed was finally over. Her question was met with another warning look from Kalinda to drop it but she pressed on, "You're going to need help. I'll obviously check in on you but between work and home I don't-"

"I can take care of myself, Alicia."

"Kalinda-"

"I just have to sign the release papers and then we can go, okay?" Alicia nodded slowly, knowing that there was no point in arguing further. Once Kalinda had her mind made up there was no changing it. "Grab the bag," she said and started taking small, difficult steps toward the door. Alicia obliged and followed closely behind, ready to act as a safety net in the off chance that Kalinda's legs should fail her. "Oh, I want Kevin too," Kalinda said over her shoulder.

"Kevin?" Alicia asked, confused but realization quickly dawned when she followed Kalinda's pointed finger to the test dummy propped up against the wall. "I'll get Duane to bring him to the car," she said and softly closed the door behind her, feeling like she was about to be an accessory to a huge mistake.