Jasmine's Cafe
"I would like to have the kale salad with salmon" Penelope ordered.
"And I'll have the salmon burger and fries" Jackson says as he hands the waitress back the menu.
"So what brings you to town," she asks as she sips her wine.
"You Sweet P. "
"Ok, what does that mean?"
"I know, I didn't handle the Rise situation well but"
"This story starts all the way back there? Maybe we should have ordered a bottle." She jokingly said he did not crack a smile, he just continued
"But to me, one day we were in love and the next day you and William were miles away. You guys created your own little world and I wasn't allowed in."
"Jackson-" she said as she lowered her glass.
He continues "When the website was shut down, I was selfish. I wanted you hurt, like I was. Then you left."
She couldn't believe he wanted to rehash their break-up. Maybe he never had the chance to get the closure that time and being apart had afforded her.
"Jackson it wasn't like that." she interjected
"It was like that for me-We have been separated for 9 months and 16 days. I've been calling you and you never returned my calls or emails. Penelope we didn't even talk or have a grown-up discussion… you just left the ring on the kitchen table with a note."
Her emotions were rising – did he come here to blame her? Where did he get off?
"I never received any calls or emails and besides that - What was there left to say? You made your decision. I asked you to come with me and you said your life is in Cali. I wasn't about to keep your grandmother's ring and have your mother hunt me down."
She summarized her position with "You left me when you refused to come with me."
"No P, you left me when William became more important than us. When you weren't working everything was Rise this and Rise that. We barely went out because you had your passion project and I was this guy who wanted to – I don't know plan our wedding."
"You were jealous of a blog ... Jackson Montgomery, that's rich."
"Sweet P, I'm not here to play the blame game."
"It sure feels like it"
"I am here to do what I should have done almost a year ago. I'm hear to support you and love you."
This shocked her – he wanted to get back together? No….
"It's too late… I'm"
"No it's not too late… I have an interview for a visiting professorship at American University. UCLA approved it -I think I will get it. If I do, we can start to piece our lives back together?
"Jackson, We can't just pick- up." Her brain was spinning and she could not think straight.
"Sure we can, you'll see."
"Kale Salad?" The waitress asked
"That's me."
They ate their meal in silence. He looked so hopeful watching her eat. She could not wrap her mind around this discussion. She had prayed for this moment for months. And of course, when she didn't want it anymore it came. She had to figure out how to do this gently—maybe she could pray that he didn't get the job. He was her best friend in the world and she had to find a gentle way to do this. Was he just sitting at home pinning for her? What emails and what calls? She had to figure out how to let him down easy. They have been friends since she was 18 and he has always been self-centered – but he loved her and she should have known he would come a knocking – even if it was too late.
I will tell him definitively that we are over tonight. She had to make that clear and when that sunk in, she would tell him about Derek. If she did it too soon Jackson would project and then her best friend would hate her future husband. Did she just say that? Omigod, I just love my handsome so much – and I need these two to get along.
She knew Derek was the one—this is just something that you just know. He made it through a year of my crazy and still loved and adored me.
Derek's SVU
Derek was making his way to Penelope's house when he started to think about Jackson. She never brought him up by name—she was always referred to him as her best friend, or her family, but never my ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé. He understood the idea of privacy and wanting to keep things to yourself, but how was he supposed to be her rock, her love, at least her boyfriend and she couldn't share this with him. Some thing was just bugging him about the whole situation. Why was it a secret? We all have exes but to hide it makes no sense. Unless, she still had feelings for him. That's the only answer that makes sense, actually.
He wondered why the charade of moving in with him if he was just Mr. Right now. I mean with all of her rules it made sense. No relationship talk, no relationship - if it was up to her we could still date whomever we wanted. He was the one who wanted to go public, he was the one pushing for the relationship, he asked her to move in, and she met his mother. How could I not have seen this? I pushed and pushed, for all of these things that she didn't want. He rubbed his head as he got out of the car. She never wanted to move it forward because she was waiting for him.
Everything became so clear in that moment and Derek could not believe he was so stupid. Following her around like a lovesick puppy when she was playing him. I guess the player- has been played.
Jackson's Car
Jackson tried to lighten the mood on the way home by giving her updates on college gossip. She only was half listening, because she was immersed in her own thoughts – she had to be strong and stick to the talking points. No rambling and please no crying.
When they arrived to her home, she said, "Thank you for the ride home Jackson, but I have to be honest here. You can't come back here and think we can pick up where we left off. I was supposed to be your wife and … and we…" she started to cry. "I don't want this anymore. I am a different person and" he stepped closer to her and wiped a tear from her face.
He said, "I'm not giving up on us... that is one thing I can't do. I have my interview tomorrow and then I would like to see you."
"I can't I have work and then my class."
"Class?" he asked.
"I salsa now...yeah," she sniffled "I salsa now."
He stepped in and started wipe away another tear.
"Jackson, you just don't show up to someone's job and blindside them. Most people call or send flowers."
"What can I say surprises and grand gestures are my thing," he said looking down at her passionately.
"Next time flowers," she said off the cuff.
"Next time?" He said quizzically, "Next time it is."
He leaned in for a kiss. He caught her lips and kissed them softly and gently. He stepped in closer and kissed her more hungrily. Caressing her in places that he knew would send shivers down her spin. She broke away and told him breathlessly -
"I am not yours, any more. Please go back home."
"You are my home." He said trying to reach for her.
"I'm sorry Jackson. I'm not"
Penelope's Apartment
She ran into her apartment. That went horribly wrong, she thought. When she opened her door, there was handsome waiting for her by the window
"Hey" she said biting her bottom lip as she was wiping away her tears.
"Sorry, I'm late. But I was held up."
"I can see that," he said with a tone that flew over her head.
She leaned her head on the door not facing him. She just prayed that this night would be over. She took a couple of deep breaths and regained her composure and said
"This has been the hardest day of my life—I just want a shower and drink wine. Do you want to join me and then we can pack?" she said finally turning towards him. "I think, I have a migraine"
—She stopped dead in her tracks.
She'd never so him so angry – his jaw was clenched, his eyes had zeroed in on her - as if she was a criminal, his chest was stuck out, and his arms crossed. It didn't take a profiler to see -his was pissed.
"What happened?" she asked
"You tell me Penelope," he said her name as if it was a curse as he gestured towards the window.
"It isn't what you think" she said slightly exasperated.
"Tell me what I'm thinking Garcia"
"I can't when you are this mad-Today's events have been a bit soap opera-ish for me and I haven't had one minute to think about things—everything has been happening so fast – I've been so reactionary. Please, just sit with me and let's talk. Please-" she pleaded
"I'll stand," he said
"Ok, I'll stand too" she said getting up. She took off her shoes – she began to pace and talk.
She took a deep breath "he kissed me – my ex fiancé kissed me after dinner and it caught me off guard and I stopped it, reiterated that we are over, and asked him to go back to California."
She continued, "I know it must've looked bad to see someone else kiss me but – he knows, there isn't a chance of us getting back together."
"I don't care about the kiss" he lied and said.
"Oh, then why are you all puffed out, interrogating me, and eyeballing me all green monster like?" she smiled weakly.
"Why didn't you tell me about Jackson?"
"I can tell you about him now- Who is Jackson?" she continued as she paced "he is my ex-fiancé who I begged to come with me to DC. He couldn't or wouldn't come and we broke-up. We haven't spoken since that day. We were together since I was 18 or 19 and I loved him completely. His family didn't like me so much and the website was their unspoken proof of how unworthy of their son I was. He thought I was cheating on him with William – not physically cheating, but mentally cheating or emotionally cheating– but I think he was just mad that he had to share me with someone else."
"Why didn't I tell you about him? She asked. "Because he was in my past and I didn't want to revisit it – it isn't as important as you think it is or as it sounds."
"Derek" she said walking closer to him and grabbing his hands, "This doesn't change anything. How I feel about you and what we have. I am the same girl you got a coffee for this morning and you are the same guy I kissed on the elevator and said I love you to."
"Nothing has changed – I love you and you love me. Can we take that shower now?"
She leaned in to kiss him and all he could thing about was the kiss he saw a few moments before—he turned away.
"This changes everything"
"What" she whispered
All of these questions rushed into his head and he knew that even if she could answer them it would never be enough.
"Things have definitely changed-What does he want then baby girl, if it is over why is he here?"
"What does it matter?" she whispered
"What?" Derek asked.
He turned her so that she was facing him. "What does he want, Penelope?"
"Me" Derek looked like she slapped him –"but I want you."
"I just saw you kiss him Penelope, it looks like you want him too – so, please don't lie to me or yourself."
He ran is fingers over his head.
"Is this why you had all of your rules. You wanted to be free and I kept on boxing you in? I wanted you to move in, I wanted you to talk about him, I wanted you to meet my mom, I wanted to be your man—but did you want any of it—did you? Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you were waiting for him—I mean look a your place. If you wanted to move in with me I wouldn't have to force you to pack."
"Look at me" she said raising his chin. "I want you and only you. You saw a kiss but you didn't hear me. I said to him I'm not yours, I said to him go home, what else can I do? You just have to trust me"
"But I don't trust you. I didn't see you fight him off, you didn't introduce me as your boyfriend—does he even know you have one? Does he know you're moving in with me? Does he?"
"Does he Penelope?"
She shook her head and he laughed.
"So, at this dinner he is talking to you about how much he loves you and how much her wants you back - and you don't even mention me?"
"No, but it not what you think I know him and I know – "
"Well you don't know me, Penelope Garcia because we are over."
"I have to go."
She blocked his path "no—I'm not done talking with you – you have to hear me out."
"What else is there to say—the facts are:
- Your ex is here
- Your ex wants you back
- You've never told me about him
- He doesn't even know I exist
And you call this love?"
He walked passed her and through the door.