My arms wrapped around my shins as my forehead rested against my knees. With every breath I took my body trembled. I couldn't hold back my heart-wrenching sobs if I tried. My throat was sore from my screams of despair and sobs of woe. My eyes red and puffy making my vision blur. Nose so red I could probably give Rudolph a run for his money. My jeans were soaked and my hands cold. I don't know how long I'd been out here sitting on one of Bobby's junk cars screaming and cursing the heavens till I couldn't scream anymore. All I know is I hated this. Sam didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any of this. Sam was a sweet guy who had wanted a normal life. He didn't deserve losing his mom and girlfriend to a demon or his dad for that matter. He didn't deserve that same demon wanting him to lead an army. Sam didn't deserve dying for a demon's cause. He didn't deserve watching his brother be dragged to hell leaving him a broken vulnerable shell of the man he once was. And he certainly didn't deserve Ruby coming into his life, using his vulnerability to convince him to use his powers and get him addicted to demon blood.
I wanted to be with him, holding him, comforting him, but I couldn't. Dean and Bobby wouldn't let me anywhere near him afraid that I would let him out. Because of that I couldn't stand to be inside the house listening to him screams. How much worse would it be when he went into detox? Another sob racked my body at the thought. Gravel crunching stopped my crying for a moment. I wasn't prepared if it was a monster, but then I could feel the worry and concern and knew it was Dean and Bobby. I looked up, but couldn't see them yet through tear swollen eyes. When they finally came into view I didn't say a word. I was to mad at them for locking Sam up and not letting me near him. "C'mon kid you need some sleep. Sam wouldn't want you out here in the cold," Bobby said. I snarled at him beyond pissed. "So now you care about what I need, what Sam would want? Well you have a shit way of showing it," I snarked. Dean let out a sigh and stepped toward me slowly afraid I might lash out. "You think for one second I want to lock my brother up? You think for even one second I want to see my best friend in tears. Well think again missy cause I don't, but ya know what I don't what else to do. So unless you got a better idea we stick with this one," he said.
I reeled back almost as if I had been slapped. I knew Dean and Bobby cared and they were only doing this as a last resort, but I was mad. I needed somewhere to vent my anger and I didn't know where to turn. I hoped off the car and walked toward him wrapping my arms around him and letting angry tears soak his shirt. For once it was Dean trying to comfort me instead of the other way around. I hadn't hurt this much since losing Jason and because I was so distraught I couldn't block the others emotions out making it a 100 times worse for me. Dean pulled back a moment and said, "Here drink this." In his hand was a tumbler of whiskey. Had he been holding it the whole time or had Bobby just handed it to him? I took it and downed the whole thing in three swallows. The warmth soothed my throat and returned feeling to my cold appendages. "Thanks Dean," I said trying to smile, but it wouldn't come out. I started walking toward the house knowing the guys were worried about me, but before I could take more than five steps my world spun. I stopped where I was, shutting my eyes tight. The feeling didn't pass and I soon began to feel the pulls of unconsciousness. Had Dean drugged me so I would sleep? Strong arms swept me up before I passed out on the ground. The last thing I remember is Dean's worried face looking down at me.
Waking up my head felt groggy and it took me a moment to realize what had happened. I should be pissed that they drugged me, but at the same time if they hadn't I wouldn't have got any sleep. I slowly sat up swinging my legs around to the floor. I quietly crept to my door and down the stairs. Dean and Bobby where busy talking and didn't notice me as I snuck by. Sam's cries for help made me pick up my pace as I raced to the panic room. I opened the door as quietly as possible not wanting to alert the others. I wrapped my arms around Sam who was sitting on the floor and pulled his head to my shoulder. "Shh it's okay Sam I'm here. I'm sorry I wasn't sooner they wouldn't let me," I told him. His arms wrapped around me tightly almost as if he was afraid I would disappear. What had he been through while I was passed out? Sam never said a word just sat there holding me like a life line. That is until his body started to shake violently in a seizure. I turned his body on his side, but I really didn't know what else to do.
I heard footsteps indicating Dean and Bobby had shown up. Before I could say a word Sam's body was ripped from my hands and flung against the wall by an invisible force. Dean and Bobby rush in grabbing him to pull him over to the cot. They chain him down so that if he had another fit he wouldn't get hurt. Dean and Bobby tried to get me to leave with them, but I refused wanting to be there for Sam. I ran my hand through his hair my other resting on his chest feeling it rise and fall with every breath. It helped reassure me that he was still alive. When Sam woke up he looked at the chain then me. "They didn't have a choice the blood was flinging you around the room. I don't know what to do here Sam. Tell me what to do to help you," I pleaded. I didn't get an answer though as Sam looked somewhere else in the room. "You know why," Sam said. I look at Sam wondering what he's seeing. "Of course," he said. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I frowned in worry. Sam was clearly hallucinating, "Point? How about 'stop the damn apocalypse'?" Sam asked. I grabbed his face and turned him to me, hoping my touch would ground him in the moment.
"Hey look at me. I'm the only one here okay. And if anyone else shows up I'll tell you. So is that why you did it? You started drinking it so you could stop the apocalypse?" I asked. Sam looked at me and nodded. "At first I did it because Ruby convinced me it would make me strong enough to kill Lilith. Then I realized killing her would stop the apocalypse and I'm the only one who can," Sam explained. I understand why he did it. Not that I condone it, but I understand. I just wish he would have come to me about it. "Yeah I get that. I want to stop it too Sam, but becoming an addict isn't the answer. Getting clean may kill you and I can't handle that. I wish you would have came to me Sam. Told me about the blood. I would have done what I could to help you. I love you," I told him. He looked down and the pain, sorrow, and anguish rolled off him in waves. It was almost suffocating. "I didn't want you to think I'm a monster. I couldn't handle you and Dean seeing me that way. Now he does and I'm sure you aren't far behind," Sam mumbled.
I grabbed his chin and made him look me in the eyes. "I could never see you as a monster Sam. Not the man who mended my broken heart. You put me back together. Without you I'm lost. I can't do this without you Sam. And Dean loves you he doesn't see you as a monster," I said my voice cracking with the heartache I felt. Sam wrapped the arm that wasn't chained around me in a fierce hug. "I love you and I swear when Lilith is dead I'm going to show you how much. But you're wrong about Dean. He does see me as a monster," Sam whispered in my ear. When I pulled back I noticed that Sam was looking somewhere other than me. Was he seeing Dean? Was the hallucination calling him a monster? My heart broke all over again for Sam. "Don't say that to me. Don't you say that to me," Sam yelled. "Sam I promise it's just you and me here. Please ignore whatever fake Dean is saying," I begged. His eyes flashed back to mine and understanding dawned in them. He was beginning to realize I was the only one with him.
Sam calmed down and went back to sleep for a bit. I decided to step outside for some fresh air while he slept. I took in a deep breath and looked up at the sky. You'd think after all the lives we'd saved we would be allowed a little happiness, but apparently that isn't in the cards for us. I heard a scuffle and went toward it. What I found was Bobby pointing a gun at Sam. How had he got loose? "What are you doing Bobby?" I asked. "Trying to get this idjit to come back inside," he answered. I looked at Sam knowing what he was planning, but couldn't stop it if I tried. He knocked Bobby out and threw the gun on the ground. "I'm coming with you," I told him as I climbed in the car he was hotwiring. "You sure?" he asked. "I told you I'm here no matter what. I plan to stick to that," I answered. He got in and we drove away. While on the road we stopped and took another car trying to keep Dean from finding us. I hated things had gotten so strained between the boys. It was hurting me as much as them; they were my family.
We booked the honeymoon suite in a decent hotel as it was out of the norm for Sam. "So how do you think you got out of the room?" I asked him looking around. "Ruby maybe I don't know. All I know was the cuff came off and the door was open," Sam said sitting on the bed. I walked over and stood between his legs. "Were you really going to just leave me?" I asked looking down into his hazel eyes. "I didn't want to. I would never want to leave you behind. I love you too much, but I couldn't risk Dean catching me," he explained. The sincerity in his voice and the love in his eyes had me pushing my lips to his in a hungry kiss. Before things got too heated a knock sounded on the door. "Sorry babe. It's probably Ruby," Sam said getting up to answer the door. It is the demon slut and I want to rip her face off. Unfortunately I know Sam needs her. Quitting cold turkey was going to kill him as evidenced by the seizure and hallucinations. "I see you brought the little girlfriend," she spat. I snarled and took a step forward. "What's to stop me from killing you right now?" I asked. Sam put his arm in front of me to keep me from getting closer. "Cause Sam wants me here. He needs me," she gloated. I let out a sarcastic laugh. "What he needs is the blood you got him addicted to. Way I see it I drain your blood so he can slowly wean himself of it and you die. It's a win win," I gave her a pointed look.
Ruby grabbed the ice bucket the hotel offered and slit her wrist. The blood poured in it slowly. "He's gonna need more going so long without it and his powers being so strong now. But that's a good thing he's strong enough to kill Lilith. And just in time to," she said. I cocked my head to the side curious. "What's that suppose to mean?" Sam asked. "The finial seals are breaking," she replied. My eyes widened in slight panic as I looked at Sam. "How many are left?" he asked. "Three...two..." she said as she handed the now full bucket to Sam. I looked anywhere, but him as he began to drink that bitch's life source. I swear once Lilith is dead she's next. "What? Where are the angels?" Sam enquired. "Good question," I mumbled. "Screwing the pooch, wherever they are. The point is it's looking more and more like we're getting down to the final seal. And I found out something big," Ruby answered. "Oh wow you actually have useful information," I snarked. "Seal sixty-six. It can't be broken by just any demon. Apparently, only Lucifer's first can do it," she told Sam completely ignoring me.
"Lucifer's first?" Sam and I asked. "Demon Sunday School story. God prefers humans to angels. Lucifer gets jealous and then he gets creative. And he twists and tempts a human soul into the very first demon as a 'screw you' to God. It's what got him locked up in the first place," Ruby explained. Well that certainly is interesting. "That was Lilith?" Sam asked. "She's way older than she looks," Ruby told us. It would seem that's the case. "Wait. So if Lilith is the only one who can break the final seal, if I get to her in time—" Sam started. "Then Lucifer never busts out of his cage. Exactly," Ruby finished. "Okay so kill Lilith stop the apocalypse. Sounds like I plan," I said. Sam smiled at me glad I wasn't trying to attack Ruby at the moment verbally or otherwise. "Sounds like it. You figure out where she is?" Sam asked Ruby. "The bitch can hide. But I finally have a lead on someone who might be able to help us. I closed in on a member of Lilith's entourage. You might call her a personal chef," Ruby informed. Why does that sound less appealing than it should? "Chef? Seriously? What does she eat?" Sam asked. "You don't want to know," Ruby told us.
The demon we were after was possessing a nurse so she could steal babies. I went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I hadn't had one since the warehouse and I felt disgusting. I cleaned myself off as quickly as possible not trusting Ruby alone with Sam. We had stopped at a truck stop on the way here and I grabbed some clothes and deodorant. They weren't what I would normally wear, but it was better than dirty clothes. When I walked back into the room Dean and Ruby were fighting. I just let it happen hoping he killed the skank. "No. Let her go. Just take it easy," Sam said. "Well, it must've been some party you two had going, considering how hard you tried to keep me from crashing it. Well, solid try, but here I am. And you Cassidy how could you be a part of this?" Dean turned his anger on me. I shrunk back not enjoying Dean's wrath. "Dean, I'm glad you're here. Look. Let's just talk about this," Sam pleaded. "Soon as she's dead, we can talk all you want," Dean replied. His eyes flashed to me a moment and I nodded in agreement. I wanted Ruby dead. "Ruby, get out of here," Sam told her. "No, she's not going anywhere," Dean said. Ruby made her escape as Sam watched.
"She's poison, Sam." Dean tried to reason. "It's not what you think, Dean." Sam tried to explain. "Look what she did to you. I mean, she up and vanishes weeks at a time, leaves you cracking out for another hit—" Dean started. "She was looking for Lilith," Sam interrupted. "That is French for manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday," Dean told him. That was when I finally decided to say something. "He's right Sam. It's the same thing drug dealers do. The get you hooked and leave you jonesing for more. I didn't come with you because I approve of this Sam. I did it because I love you and I didn't want you to think you're alone," I told him. "You're both wrong," Sam said. I felt so sorry for Sam in that moment; not realizing how he was being used. "Sam, you're lying to yourself. We just want you to be okay. You would do the same for us. You know you would," Dean told him. "Just listen," Sam said holding his hand up. When he realized he still had the demon knife in his hand he threw it on the bed. "Just listen for a second. We got a lead on a demon close to Lilith. Come with us, Dean. We'll do this together," Sam tried to convince him.
"That sounds great. As long as it's you, me, and Cassidy. Demon bitch is a dealbreaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now," Dean replied. I hoped and prayed to whoever would listen that Sam would agree. "I can't," Sam told him. My heart plummeted hearing those words. I finally had a family again and it's being torn apart. Dean turned away from us nodding his head. "Dean, I need her to help me kill Lilith. I know you can't wrap your head around it, but maybe one day you'll understand. I'm the only one who can do this, Dean." Sam tried to get Dean to see his side. "What's she going to do is end up getting you killed Sam," I told him. Dean turned back around and looked at us. "No, you're not the one who's gonna do this," Dean said. "Right, that's right, I forgot. The angels think it's you," Sam snarked. "You don't think I can?" Dean asked. At this point silent tears were pouring down my face. I hated that they were fighting and couldn't just come to some type of agreement. "No. You can't. You're not strong enough," Sam replied. "That's the demon blood talking," I said at the time Dean said, "And who the hell are you?" "I'm being practical here. I'm doing what needs to be done," Sam said.
Yes because this whole running from your brother and drinking demon blood screamed practical. "Yeah? You're not gonna do a single damn thing," Dean demanded. "Stop bossing me around, Dean. Look. My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me," Sam pleaded with his brother. "He's not trying to boss you Sam. He's trying to save your life. We don't want to lose you why can't you understand that?" I asked. "She's right. You don't know what you're doing, Sam." Dean tried to get through to Sam. "Yes, I do," Sam replied. "Then that's worse," Dean exclaimed. "Why? Look, I'm telling you—" Sam started. "Because it's not something that you're doing, it's what you are! It means—" Dean interrupted, but cut himself off. "What? No say it," Sam pushed. I looked at Dean. "Please don't you know it's not true," I begged. My words fell on deaf ears or so it seemed. "It means you're a monster," Dean finished. The tears poured down my face and I even saw them fall from Sam and Dean's eyes.
A fist fight broke out between them shortly after. My throat still sore from screaming the other night protested greatly as I yelled trying to get them to stop. "Stop it. Sam stop this. You're really gonna let that demon bitch tear your family apart?" I yelled. They had broken almost everything in the room. At one point I tried to pull them apart and got an elbow to the eye. So now my throat hurt, my eye was throbbing, and my heart felt heavy with sorrow. It wasn't completely broke, but I didn't know how much more it could take. Sam was dominating the fight and pinned Dean down choking him before letting go. "You don't know me. You never did. And you never will," Sam said. He walked away and I went to follow when Dean's words to Sam stopped me, "You walk out that door, don't you ever come back." I looked at Dean for a moment not knowing what to do. I loved Sam with all my heart and he was hurting emotionally, but Dean was like a brother and he was hurt physically as well as emotionally. "Go with him," he mouthed letting me know a small part still cared. I followed after Sam as quickly as I could. I just hope there was a way to fix this.
I still can't believe this is almost finished. I hope everyone has enjoyed it. If you have please comment and let me know.