A/N: Don't own (although I'd love to have my very own Norman Reedus :D) don't sue!
Lyrics are from 'Rain' by Patty Griffin
Rain
Chapter Thirty Three
It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart
Beatin' close to mine
Poundin' up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud
Rain
Cassidy stirred, brushing Daryl's fingertips from the back of her neck. She felt him chuckling against her and she grunted grouchily. He threaded his fingers into the waves of her wild hair, blowing warm air along her sensitive hairline. She felt her skin beginning to prickle, goosebumps sprawling across her skin. She shook one shoulder in a half-hearted attempt to dislodge him. His grip tightened on her hair and his teeth nipped the delicate nape of her neck. His hand slid the length of her bare arm where it was thrown over the swell of her hip. She tensed slightly, her breath catching and she felt his grin against her bare shoulder as his hand glided smoothly beneath the blankets. Giving up all hope of going back to sleep, she rolled over with a mumbled curse. His mouth was half curled into a smirk as she glowered at him.
"It's barely past dawn." She grumbled, scrubbing a hand over her eyes. "I only got off watch a few hours ago."
"They'll be up soon." His gruff voice was muffled, his mouth busy about her neck.
"I know. Morning roll call."
Now that she was awake, she was taking more interest in his warm hands kneading the soft toned flesh of her bare thighs and the sharp scratch of stubble contrasting deliciously with his wickedly soft mouth against her pulse point.
"We don't have time for that." She said sternly, trying and failing to glower at him as he gave her a slow sleepy-eyed grin full of promise.
"Sure we do." He yanked her closer, burying his face in her sweetly scented hair and pressing every inch of his impressive muscled body against her.
"Yes I'm sure you do." She said pointedly, finally reciprocating his caresses to his evident and growing pleasure.
He bit her neck sharply, not quite breaking the skin but causing a bolt of heat to shoot through her entire body. The prison was echoingly silent around them; only the distant huffling of Hershel's snores, the faintest rustling of sheets and the creaking metal beds as people shifted in their sleep breaking through.
"Well…" Cassidy bit down on Daryl's lip, momentarily sucking until he stifled a groan and she let go. "If we're going to do this, redneck…" She shifted her bare thigh between his, pressing against him. "You're going to have to be…" Her tongue flickered against his ear. "Very…" She nipped along the length of his throat with her teeth. "Very…" Her hand slid into his jeans and he sucked in a whistled breath through his teeth. "Quiet."
Daryl rolled over, pinning her beneath him with his hip. He yanked her hands up and pressed them into the pillow. She grinned, hooking her legs around his waist for leverage.
"Worth a try." He murmured challengingly and she giggled.
"Daryl? Hey, Daryl."
Cassidy groaned, burying her head in her arms.
"Is there no way to get some sleep in this joint?" She grumbled uncharitably.
"I'm sorry." Rick apologised sincerely, peering down at her solemnly. "I need Daryl."
Cassidy sighed into the pillow, running her hands through her wild crazy hair and rolling into a sitting position.
"Don't we all."
She realised Rick was looking very strange around about the same time she felt a draft and she shook her head, yanking the blanket up around her chest which effectively dislodged a mutinously muttering Daryl Dixon. Seemingly oblivious to his nakedness, Daryl scrubbed his hands over his face and into his hair.
"Alright. I'm comin'." He grumbled, scrabbling squinty-eyed for his discarded jeans.
Rick politely disappeared to speak to Carl while Cassidy tugged on some jeans and a cropped black top with a faded Stone Roses logo on the front.
"You comin'?" He asked over his shoulder as he buttoned up his sleeveless grey shirt.
"Nope." Cassidy pushed her hands through her hair and coiled it into a knot on top of her head. "I'm taking Lochie on a hunt for the Warden's office, see if we can put her lock-picking to good use and scrounge up some info."
"Be careful." Rick said immediately, rubbing his stubbled chin against his hand distractedly as he climbed the stairs.
"Aren't we always?" Cassidy snorted, lacing up her boots.
She got to her feet just in time to see the two men exchanging a look over her head. She stuck out her tongue and Rick managed to crack a smile, albeit very briefly.
"Have fun with your fences." She called out gaily, pressing a lingering kiss on Daryl's lips as she sauntered past them to wake Lochie up.
Lochie was sprawled very indelicately across the bunk, one arm thrown over her face and her mouth wide open. Cassidy chewed her lip to prevent a giggle. She crouched down until her face was level with Lochie's and stared at her intently. It only took about a minute for Lochie to sense something was different in her cell and she cracked open an eye. Cassidy beamed at her and she shrieked in shock, rolling away and tumbling off the bed in a heap. There was a series of loud clatters as various occupants of various cells stumbled out of bed and dashed to her rescue brandishing a surprising array of improvised weapons. They skidded to a halt on the threshold, taking in the bemusing sight of Cassidy bent double with laughter on one side of the cell and Lochie still scrabbling to extricate herself from the tangle of blankets on the other.
"What the hell-" They parted silently for Rick and Daryl to approach, peering bleary-eyed at each other in confusion.
"Did you really have to scream the place down?" Rick sighed, although even he looked as if he were fighting a laugh.
Lochie finally tore herself free of the blankets and sat in a furious heap at the side of the bed with her hair sticking up every which way and her over-sized t-shirt dropping off one shoulder.
"She scared the crap out of me!" She accused, tossing a pillow at Cassidy who had finally managed to stop laughing.
"I didn't do anything." She protested innocently, catching the pillow with one hand.
Rick shook his head, shooting Cassidy a chastising look and leading Daryl away. The rest of them scattered to prepare for the day, yawning and in some cases giggling. Cassidy helped Lochie to her feet, still chortling to herself and brushing off Lochie's mumbled curses.
"Oh come on, it was hilarious. I needed that." Cassidy sighed as Lochie continued to swear at her as she buttoned up her skin-tight camo pants.
"Well I'm glad I could provide you with a laugh." Lochie sniffed, yanking on a black sweater.
"Me too." Cassidy giggled, completely unrepentant as Lochie zipped up her boots.
She slung her arm around Lochie's shoulders and dragged her out of the cell, still chortling to herself.
They were deep into the prison when the alarm started sounding. At first Lochie thought a bomb had gone off the sudden switch from silence to ear-piercing wailing was that abrupt. Cassidy must have thought something similar because she grabbed her and tossed her to the floor rather unceremoniously. Lochie lay silently as Cassidy crouched over her, sharp eyes scanning the black hallway.
"Up." Cassidy ordered, her voice cutting through the godawful wailing.
Lochie jumped to her feet, the beam of the torch she was carrying swinging wildly as her hand shook. She would never get used to this. Never. Cassidy had her knife in one hand and a stick taken from one of the dead guards in the other.
"This racket is going to bring those bastards down on our heads." She stared intently into the darkness ahead of them. "We need to find somewhere to hole up." Lochie's mind flickered briefly to thoughts of the others but there were miles of black hallways between them and she forced herself to concentrate on the matter at hand. "Stay near the wall, two steps behind me at all times, enough room for me to manoeuvre and you to run if we have to."
Lochie wanted to protest that she would not be running away and leaving her best friend to fight for her life alone, but Cassidy cut her off with a sharp glare. Lochie swallowed. Cassidy was in full survival mode. She was not currently her best friend but something else. She stiffened her spine.
"You stay back. You watch what's coming up behind us. If you have to, you run." Cassidy ordered coldly, her words cutting through the blaring noise like a knife. "Let's go."
After everything they'd been through, all the horrific situations and terrible things they'd seen, Lochie had never experienced anything like this. It chilled her to her bones. The noise blocked out any of the tell-tale shuffling and every corner they turned had Lochie expecting a cold dead hand with an iron grip to clutch her shoulder. They were ambushed several times but each time Cassidy despatched the walkers with silent efficiency before they could get too close.
"Here." Cassidy stopped suddenly outside a door.
Lochie dropped immediately onto one knee and went to work, the torch dangling from her mouth. Sweat trickled from under her hair as she concentrated, her fingers slippery on the little metal tools. The door crunched and Lochie shoved it open, swinging the torch around the small oblong room. There was no movement. Cassidy closed the door behind them, sweeping the room with her eyes. There was a small barred window built into the stone wall which illuminated the room enough to show that it was empty. A scratched and scarred plastic table ran through the middle of the room with several uncomfortable looking chairs grouped around it. There was a built in countertop with a broken coffeepot and smashed cups littering its surface on one wall and a cracked TV amidst a pile of magazines and newspapers on the ground on the other side.
"It's a break room for the guards." Lochie realised.
Cassidy gestured and she jumped into action, grabbing the other end of the table and helping Cassidy shove it against the door as a makeshift barricade.
"Now what?" She said, wrapping her arms around herself.
"We wait." Cassidy shrugged, grabbing one of the plastic chairs she righted and straddled it facing the door.
"Cassidy?"
Cassidy glanced across at Lochie. She was sitting on the worktop staring out of the tiny window. She was very pale. The alarm had stopped a while ago but Cassidy had insisted on staying put for now. Lochie wasn't sure what she was waiting for, but she trusted her enough to go with it.
"I'm scared."
Cassidy didn't look across at Lochie again, she was staring intently at the barricaded door. She hadn't moved a single inch since they'd blocked the doorway, merely sat and studied the doorway with her shoulders set and her feet firmly planted. There was a minor clatter as Lochie clambered down from the worktop. She sat down on the dirty ground besides Cassidy's chair, crossing her long legs underneath her.
"Yeah. Me too." Cassidy murmured.
"Really?" Lochie gazed up at Cassidy, studying her curiously.
Her hair was pulled into a tight messy knot on top of her head, exposing the delicate skin of her neck and shoulders. Her back was ramrod straight, her arms resting on the back of the chair, the knife held securely in her hand. Her lips were drawn into a frown of concentration, her eyelids lowered. Cassidy was not classically beautiful, but there was definitely something about her. Something that drew you in and put you under a spell, Lochie had witnessed it herself on various occasions, envied it numerous times. Cassidy was at her most attractive when she let go; when she was laughing with Carl or indulging in a rare private moment that wasn't horizontal with Daryl, but there was something equally stunning about her when she slipped on her soldier face. It was like she transformed into a whole other person. Her face became still and impenetrable, her eyes darkened and shuttered up completely and her entire body became one fluid coil of muscle. Lochie loved Cassidy more than anyone else on this entire planet; she'd kill for her, bleed for her, it had even crossed her mind once that she might be a little in love with her. But, girl crush aside, she still didn't really know her.
"Are you scared for us, or for him?" She asked quietly, forcing herself not to think of Rick.
Cassidy cut a swift glance down at Lochie, her eyebrows slightly lifted. Lochie knew that whenever Cassidy thought about Daryl, her body underwent certain changes that betrayed her; her eyelashes fluttered and she moistened her lips and blood flushed over her cheekbones. Not to mention the increased heart rate. Lochie had stopped finding it amusing and started getting wistful. Cassidy still lit up whenever she saw Daryl and he was only ever calm when he was with her. Even after this long.
"I think it's time you admit it, dude." Lochie couldn't help the grin that spread over her face, even given the dire situation. "You're in love with that pain in the arse redneck."
Cassidy glowered, turning back to the door. Lochie looked away. She didn't want to think about Rick. Really didn't want to think about what was going on out there. She was still close to Rick, even though it infuriated Lori, he came to her and he talked to her in a way he couldn't talk to anybody else in the group. Lochie had put away her feelings as best she could and tried to be there for him, to listen to his pain about Lori and Shane and the baby and everyone they had lost. They had only slipped once.
"What're you doing way out here?"
Lochie glanced at Rick over her shoulder. They'd set up a camp in an old wooden lodge buried deep in the trees, Maggie, Glenn and T-Dog had gone to raid a nearby house with half the roof missing, Daryl and Cassidy were off somewhere supposedly hunting but probably having some alone time, Lochie had wanted a break from Lori and Carol talking about the baby so she'd slipped away into the trees. It was absolutely freezing and she was bundled up in layers of clothing but the leaves and branches cracking and snapping beneath her boots would be warning enough if any walkers approached. She was actually enjoying it; the peace and quiet, the beautiful trees sparkling with frost and the solitude. She sucked in a deep lungful of cold crisp winter air. Rick's dark jacket against his stubble made his face looking paler than ever. He was tired and stressed. He'd been worrying himself stupid about them surviving the winter and Lori nearing the end of her pregnancy.
"Just taking some time." Lochie sighed, her breath pluming out before her in a visible cloud.
"Time for what?" Rick asked distractedly, his sharp blue eyes scanning the surrounding trees.
"To live." Lochie smiled when his eyes darted towards her, his brow furrowing.
"What are you doing out here?" She asked, drawing patterns in the frost on a nearby tree trunk with a gloved finger.
Rick started to reply, then closed his mouth and rubbed his hands over his face. Over the past few months they had rarely interacted alone, except for the few hours of snatched solitude where Rick unburdened himself and Lochie listened patiently. He would find her alone and sit down beside her, staring forwards with such intensity it must have been painful. And he would talk.
"Are you okay?" She asked, still not looking at him but at the dark bark of the tree emerging beneath her fingers.
She could practically hear him shrugging behind her. She really hoped that he hadn't followed her for another therapy session. Usually she was glad to help him any way she could, but last night she had lain besides Cassidy and Daryl and she had heard them murmuring and giggling and teasing in the few hours they had between their different watches. It had made her chest ache and her eyes burn. She couldn't deal with the mechanics of being there for Rick when she couldn't be with him. Not right now.
"It's getting colder." Rick observed quietly, thrusting his hands into his pockets and staring at the white sky above them through the branches.
"We'll survive." Lochie murmured. "We always do."
"Do you think they'll bring any food back?" Rick asked absently, and Lochie knew he wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying.
"If they can leave each other alone for five minutes." Lochie snorted.
"They're in love." Rick said with a woeful look and an almost bitter twitch of his mouth.
"Lucky them." Lochie said sadly, wishing Rick would leave her alone even though she knew that she wouldn't recover the pleasure she had been taking in her walk.
"Maybe."
Lochie half-turned to look at him over her shoulder, puzzled by the darkness in his voice.
"You don't think finding love in this hell is a good thing?"
Rick was frowning so deeply the grooves were casting shadows against his cheeks. His eyes were black as he brooded. He looked so distant and pained that Lochie didn't even think through her actions, she pressed her mouth to his. Rick's hands were surprisingly warm even through Lochie's layers, his fingers digging into her waist. Lochie's arms were around his neck, her legs stretched to their extreme as she tipped onto her tiptoes for better access. He was kissing her hungrily, his mouth working feverishly against hers, his body pressed the length of hers. The air seemed to freeze around them, their bodies locked together creating a bubble of heat and energy. Lochie's heart thundered whenever she was around Rick but now it seemed to have slowed. It was almost as if her entire body wanted to preserve this moment; she could feel the sluggish beating of her heart, the expanding and shrinking of her lungs, the blood surging through her extremities.
"Lochie."
Lochie snapped rudely back into the present and she shifted her shoulders slightly trying to reacclimatise. For a brief moment she had actually felt the icy winter air around her, felt Rick's mouth warm and greedy against hers, his hands anchoring her to the ground. It took her a few seconds to return to reality. Cassidy was alert, her head was cocked slightly and her mouth was pursed.
"What is it?"
Cassidy didn't reply but suddenly she was on her feet. Lochie blinked in surprise.
"Let's go."
Lochie gaped, wondering what Cassidy had been waiting for that she'd missed. They shoved the table away from the door and pressed their ears against it side by side. Nothing but eerie silence greeted them and Lochie counted their simultaneous breaths as they waited.
"Okay."
Cassidy gestured and they slipped out into the hallway. Lochie was a very good thief and the blueprints for the corridors they had traversed hours earlier were imprinted on her mind, yet it seemed to take a remarkably short time to return to the living quarters. There was a thick silence like a noxious cloud and Lochie shivered, her hand latching onto Cassidy's arm automatically.
"What happened?" She asked nobody in particular in a quavering voice.
Beth appeared in the doorway of her cell, her eyes red from crying. She told them in haltering statements in a voice raw with pain. T-Dog. Cassidy felt a splinter of pain. She had genuinely liked T-Dog and their banter had always made her laugh. Lochie gave an involuntary little twitch at the mention of Lori. Cassidy put her arm around her, but her focus was elsewhere; she was scanning the block intently.
"Where are they?"
Glenn appeared, wiping blood from his neck with shaking hands and hollow eyes. Hershel wasn't far behind and the three of them looked at each other. Cassidy withdrew her arm from Lochie's neck.
"Go find Carl, Lochie."
Lochie opened her mouth to protest, then snapped it shut with a clack when she saw Cassidy's expression. Cassidy followed them to a more private corner, her heart thumping against her ribs. If he'd got himself in the shit, she'd throttle him with her bare hands. Glenn filled her in a little more on what had happened to Lori, what had happened in the courtyard and what they thought had happened to T-Dog and Carol. Cassidy waved him off, she could not care less what happened to Carol, and hurried him onto what she really needed to know.
"Where are they?" She repeated impatiently, crossing her arms to prevent herself shaking the man she'd started to think of as a friend.
"Daryl is with Maggie, they're looking for something to feed the baby with."
Cassidy exhaled, relief blossoming in her belly before swelling rapidly into annoyance. Why did he always have to be the freaking hero?
"And Rick?"
Hershel and Glenn exchanged a look. The silence grew into something else entirely and Cassidy pushed her hands through her hair and over her face. Poor Rick. Poor Carl. She walked away from Glenn and Hershel without waiting for a reply. She found Lochie and Carl sitting on the metal steps, the baby cradled in Carl's lap. Lochie was talking quietly, her murmur low and comforting as she stroked the baby's soft downy head, but Carl was staring at the baby with a black expression on his face. Lochie looked up at Cassidy. There were teartracks on her pale cheeks and her eyes darted all around Cassidy hopefully. She was looking for Rick. Cassidy could almost see her heart sink with disappointment. She shrank into herself a little and excused herself.
"She's worried about my dad." Carl said suddenly, lifting his head enough to watch Lochie's departing back.
"She is." Cassidy sighed and sat down a few steps down from him. "You are. I am."
"This is my sister." Carl indicated the baby sleeping fitfully in his arms.
"I figured." Cassidy shifted uneasily. She wasn't good with babies. They were boring for a start.
"So… your mom…" Cassidy paused, pondering what to say. "Look… I'm not going to lie and say it's all going to be okay, because it won't be. And I won't say you'll get over it, because you won't. And you won't wake up one day and feel better; it's going to feel like a punch in the guts for the rest of your life. But somehow, you're gonna learn to live with it, because you have to." Carl looked at her, grief raw and painful all over his young face. "You're strong."
Carl blinked in amazement when she stroked his freckled cheek gently, her eyes softer than he'd ever seen them. She gave him a brief smile and climbed to her feet, descending the steps. She paused and half-turned back to face him.
"If you need to talk, kid. Talk, or rant, or throw a few punches, you know where I'll be. I kinda like you, kid." She laughed mirthlessly and rolled her eyes as if she couldn't believe she'd even said it.