A/N: Don't own (although I'd love to have my very own Norman Reedus :D) don't sue!
Lyrics are from 'Rain' by Patty Griffin
Rain
Chapter Thirty Four
It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart
Beatin' close to mine
Poundin' up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud
Rain
"I'm worried about Rick."
Cassidy hammered the last of the pins securing the fence into place and climbed to her feet. She'd been working with Glenn, Maggie and the prisoners all day going over the fences surrounding the immediate area around their living quarters. They'd cleared out the new walkers and re-structured the fences in tense silence for the best part of an entire day. The hard work seemed to help Glenn and Maggie through their issues with what had happened. Cassidy had volunteered to help to get away from the miserable tears inside the prison. She was ill-equipped to deal with either the tears or the screaming child. She had seen Daryl only briefly during the night. He and Maggie had returned with supplies for the baby, he had fed the baby in a brief womb-fluttering display of manliness disguised in gentleness, and then crawled into bed besides her without a word.
She woke the instant his hand touched the blanket, letting in a soft gust of cooler air as he crawled in besides her. His bare skin was cool and she knew immediately that he was still upset because he didn't press against her as he usually did. She could see the reflection of the dim light they kept burning reflecting off his eyes as he stared broodingly up at the ceiling.
"Hey." She murmured, snuggling a little closer into his side.
He grunted, his arm coiling automatically around her shoulders, his fingertips tracing absently over her bare shoulders. She stroked his hair back from his forehead soothingly, the strands drifting through her fingers.
"It's okay." She whispered, propping her chin on his bare chest to look at his face. "We'll work it out."
His face twitched and he looked away. She knew he was thinking about Carol and she let the subject go, allowing him to grieve in his own angry way. He had almost become their protector in the past few months, earning the implicit trust of the entire group, but he'd seen it as his own personal mission to protect Carol since he couldn't deliver on his promise to bring her daughter back to her. It was a complicated emotional process that he wasn't used to dealing with. She held him tightly, stroking his hair and pressing feather-light kisses onto the tips of his fingers as they stroked her shoulders.
Cassidy wiped sweat from her face and rubbed her sore chapped hands on her jeans. Lochie was standing on a slight incline gazing down at them fearfully. She'd been having trouble keeping warm since she'd heard about T-Dog, Lori and Carol and she looked young and vulnerable in a genuinely huge hooded sweater over her black jeans. She was fiddling with the cuffs of her long sleeves, staring at Cassidy entreatingly with huge eyes.
"I'm really worried about Rick." Lochie repeated.
Cassidy sighed, glugging back some of the water Lochie had brought her and passing the bottle on to Glenn. She studied her friend unhappily. Lochie's face was pale, her eyes were red and swollen from tears and there were marks like bruises circling them from lack of sleep.
"I know." Cassidy climbed the hill towards Lochie, touching her arm. "He needs to work it out. Go a little crazy for a while." Cassidy swept her hands over her face, wondering how to put it into words. "He's going to have to want to come back. Right now he doesn't."
Lochie chewed her lip viciously to keep it from trembling, looking away from her. Cassidy squeezed her shoulder again. Lochie scrubbed her face with the sleeves of her sweater and turned away.
"I don't know what to do." She said miserably. "I'm so scared."
Cassidy actually startled the tears right out of her by throwing her arms around Lochie's shoulders from behind. She hugged her friend tightly, her chin on Lochie's shoulder. After a moment, Lochie patted her arms and Cassidy released her.
"Go on. Piss off and do something useful." Cassidy shoved Lochie forwards and she couldn't help but crack a smile as she trotted off back to the prison.
Cassidy watched her go for a moment, before turning back to the fences. Glenn and Maggie were watching her, Glenn's eyebrows lifted so high they had disappeared under his hat. Cassidy glowered, holding her hand out for the water bottle. Maggie passed it over.
"What?" Cassidy snapped as Glenn continued to stare at her curiously.
"You've got soft in your old age." Glenn observed with his usual daft sense of honesty that led him to blurt his thoughts before he'd processed them.
"Fuck off." Cassidy tossed the bottle back at him so hard it winded him as it plowed into his stomach. "And get back to work."
Maggie looked away to hide the small smile as Glenn rubbed his stomach weakly and jumped out of Cassidy's way as she stomped past. He bounced into the fence with an almighty clang and the prisoners hurriedly stifled their laughter.
"Not that soft yet, huh?" Maggie snorted, helping Glenn right himself again by tugging on his arm.
Cassidy ducked into the main living area for long enough to grab a bottle of water and a flashlight from their supplies, her gaze staying automatically up to their little nest even though she knew he wasn't there. She gave herself a little shake and headed out into the depths of the prison. She knew where Lori had died but by the time she got there, there was nothing but blood and darkness.
"Where are you Rick?" She mumbled uncharitably under her breath as she checked the hallway for movement. "Whoa." She surveyed the carnage calmly, a flicker of worry starting to burn at the base of her spine. "Okay… follow the creepy walker road." She muttered, shining the flashlight over the trail of dead walkers blocking her path.
She had to hand it to Rick, he'd done a thorough job of clearing the place out; she didn't encounter any trouble in the hours she wandered around the prison searching for him. She finally found him crouching on the ground in the middle of a hallway, staring at the hallway as if it held all the secrets in the universe.
"Sheriff?" She ventured warily, not at all liking the crazy glint in his eye. "Rick?"
Rick completely ignored her, continuing to stare at the wall with intense concentration. Cassidy stared at him sadly. She understood now why Lochie was worried, but she also knew that no one could help Rick now, he had to pull himself back from the edge himself. Cassidy crouched and placed the still three quarters full bottle of water on the ground in plain view. Rick was still on his haunches staring into space when she turned away from him.
Lochie's head popped up hopefully the minute Cassidy re-emerged into the living quarters, her face drooping sadly when no Rick followed her. Cassidy had missed dinner trekking through the prison, so by the time she crossed the threshold back into their areas it was almost sundown which meant curfew time. By the time they'd reached the prison, ninety-nine-per-cent of the group had submitted willingly to Rick's leadership with only Carol grumbling to Daryl every now and then. When he had decided on the curfew of lights out at sundown, there had been few arguments; no one had wanted the flickering lights to be seen through the small barred windows. Of course Daryl and Cassidy did their own thing in their own way so Rick had not passed comment the first time he'd seen them in their nest murmuring by candlelight.
She kicked off her boots and stripped her weapons. Daryl pushed her dinner towards her in silence as she settled down cross-legged with her back against the metal railing. He was cleaning his bow, his face twisted with concentration as his strong capable hands worked the delicate metal. She ate her cold dinner and he worked on his crossbow in companionable silence, watching as the lights winked out below them as their companions retired to their bunks.
"You find him?"
Cassidy nodded, swigging some water down and eyeing him idly over the bottle. He was studying his bow closely, lifting it to his eyelevel to ensure he'd greased it up enough.
"Yeah."
Her reply hung between them for a while as Daryl finished his task and Cassidy watched him quietly. She loved to watch him work on his bow, loved the way his entire being focused solely on what he was doing. His brow pulled down shading his eyes yet making them all the more vivid beneath his growing shaggy fringe, his sculpted mouth drawn tight as he concentrated emphasising his cheekbones.
"And?"
His gaze darted across towards her. She shrugged, meeting his direct gaze without flinching.
"He'll either come back… or he won't." Cassidy rubbed her hands over her face and then climbed to her feet. "He can only pull himself out."
Daryl grunted and returned to his bow. Cassidy wriggled out of her jeans and climbed into the tangle of blankets. Daryl propped his bow carefully up against the metal railing, still within grabbing range, and kicked off his jeans. He grunted appreciatively as he flopped into the blankets, digging his fingertips into the back of his aching neck. It had been one hell of a long day. Leaning his head back on his folded arms, he watched Cassidy brushing out her hair. Cassidy was not a vain girl, even though she was one of the most stunning girls he'd ever seen, she took very little interest in her appearance, but brushing her hair was a little luxury she allowed herself. Every night she sat and she used a big thickly bristled square brush to brush her long molten locks into a smooth shining river of vivid red. Her hair was so long by now it nearly reached the small of her back. It seemed almost therapeutic to her, the long smoothing strokes destroying the tangles and knotty snarls. It had started to become therapeutic to him too, the candlelight glimmering on the crimson waves almost hypnotic. Finishing with her brushing, she twisted and weaved her hair into a long thick rope, coiling it into a messy knot on top of her head. Facing away from him, her vest-top exposed a lot of her back and he watched the flickering orange light play on her slim muscled back.
He reached out and tracked his fingertips lightly over her shoulder blades as her muscles flexed with the dexterous movements of her hands, following the curve of her spine through the thin cotton of the vest. She flexed her back into his touch and he slipped his fingers under her vest, feeling goosebumps erupt against the pads of his fingertips. She arched her back like a cat as he caressed the small of her back, brushing over the lace of her underwear. The fourth time his thumb dipped lightly into the band of her panties she visibly shivered and he felt the muscles in her back contract.
"Tease." She grumbled tetchily and he grinned.
He coiled an arm around her waist and hoisted her down into the tangle of blankets with him. She resisted him a little, just enough for some pleasurable wrestling to take place and he grunted as she jabbed her knee between his bare thighs, exerting just enough pressure to flicker between uncomfortable and pleasurable.
"Come on now, Red." He growled and she flashed him his favourite wolfish grin.
"You're at my mercy, redneck." She was coiled over him, her lower body pressed flush against his, her thigh pressed tightly between his. "You're mine. Don't ever forget it."
She dropped her head enough to blow warm air against his earlobe, a certain weakness of his. Her teeth grazed his neck, his distinctive taste flooding her tastebuds and sending her heart beat racing. Her hands were sliding under his sleeveless shirt, tracing lingering patterns over the muscles of his taut stomach with her long nails.
"You need a trim, lass." Daryl murmured, deliberately provoking her and she rose to the bait exactly as he'd hoped.
"Oh. Do I?" She pressed her nails deeper into his skin, writing her name across his navel. "I could say the same to you." She tugged on a lock of hair curling over his forehead and he scowled. "Don't worry, I like the hippy look." She winked, laughing when he flipped her off of his thighs and rolled over amongst the blankets.
Daryl blinked, momentarily puzzled about what had woken him. He squinted at the guttered out candle directly in his line of sight. He kept perfectly still as he took stock. He could hear the distant snores, metal beds creaking and blankets rustling of the others. But he knew that wasn't what had woken him. He rolled over, drawing his bow towards him in one fluid movement. He was alone on their perch, the blankets tucked neatly back into place to cover the gap. His heart stopped pounding quite so rapidly as his brain pieced together that Cassidy had left their bed voluntarily and in her own time. He sat up, scrubbing one hand across his face tiredly.
He paused just long enough to pull on his jeans and grab a flashlight before padding soundlessly down the steps and into the depths of the prison. Following a hunch he turned away from the spooky black corridors and headed out into the yard. The moonlight was bright enough for him to have no need of the flashlight and he tucked it into his back pocket. It didn't take him too long to find her; she had not strayed too far from the main doors and had avoided the fences as best she could. She was tucked in a corner. He scouted out the area out of habit but he knew she would have already taken care of any threats.
He watched for a while, the moonlight was almost blindingly bright and had turned her bare limbs pearly white. Despite the chill still lingering in the early hours of the morning, Cassidy was only wearing sweat pants and a vest top. She stretched and coiled and bent and twisted in a silent rhythm, strengthening and testing her muscles and her balance. As always he found it mesmerising. Her hair glimmered in the moonlight as she turned towards him. The moon was behind her and her face was in shadow as she crossed the small section of grass to stand by him.
"I couldn't sleep." She said by way of explanation. "You couldn't either."
It was a statement not a question and he didn't reply, his gaze flickering over her shoulder towards the freshly dug graves in the distance. Her palm, warm from her exertions, curled against the plane of his cheek and he knew she could feel his gritted teeth.
"Oh Redneck." She sighed, staring up at him with big liquid eyes.
Daryl remained in stony silence, his guts in turmoil. He didn't know how to find any words. Carol had meant something to him, what he wasn't quite sure but he felt her absence deeply. Cassidy gazed at him miserably, their mutual inability to confront their own emotions sitting between them like a solid cloud of darkness. Cassidy watched him in silence, her head tilted slightly. Moonlight illuminated her bare skin, glimmering off her slightly pursed lips and turning her hair to molten silver. Heat suddenly burned at the base of Daryl's spine, fire rippling in his belly. He'd lifted his free hand, clenched it into her hair and yanked her against him before he'd even realised what he was doing. Cassidy made a startled sound but it was swallowed against his mouth. His hand was fisted roughly in her hair, his other arm crushing her against him so tightly she could hardly move. He was overtaken by sudden heat, by the desperate need to remind himself that he was alive. He was vaguely aware that he was probably hurting her, his bow digging sharply into her back and his lips and tongue working ferociously against her own, but she made no noise of protest and she was soft and compliant in his arms.
Suddenly they were kneeling, his bow to one side and his hands fiddling feverishly at the ties on her sweats. She allowed his rough ministrations, calmly unbuttoning his jeans as he tugged impatiently at her loosened trousers. He yanked them off and discarded them with a grunt, barely pausing long enough to free himself from his jeans before he was pushing apart her knees. It was over in minutes and he lay in her arms while his heart thundered in his ears and his breath gusted over her bare shoulder. She held him tightly, smoothing his hair back from his damp forehead. Daryl dropped his head until his forehead rested against her collarbone. He could hardly believe what he had just done. They were rough together sometimes but he had never been like that, nor so blatantly selfish. He had barely given her the chance to get used to the idea before it had been over.
"Don't start." She grumbled, poking him sharply in the shoulder.
He lifted his shaggy head and peered down at her. She was flushed but did not look traumatised or afraid. He frowned.
"Don't start beating yourself up." She warned him.
"I—"
"I'm telling you." She interrupted, clenching her inner muscles suddenly and making him shudder against her. "You haven't done anything wrong."
"I just-"
"And I let you." She cut him off again, giving him a mildly irritated glower. "I didn't exactly fight back now, did I?" She sighed, trailing her fingers lingeringly over the top of his exposed buttocks. "I told you, Dixon. I'll take you any way I can get you. You're mine. And this is obviously what you needed."
He stared down at her. She was right, he had needed it. His entire body was buzzing, his blood tingling and electricity crackling over every inch of skin where their bodies touched. He felt alive. She was grinning smugly up at him and he felt the familiar lurch in his stomach, that craving to wipe that smirk off her face and replace it with naked quivering need. His body was way ahead of him and her grin dissolved as she clenched her thighs a little more tightly around him.
"Round two?" She murmured hopefully, gazing at him from under her lashes.