AN: Music for this Chapter (on repeat): Forever Young by Rod Stewart, I'm Alive by Celine Dion, Wahoo (Song #2) by Blur, She Drives Me Crazy by Fine Young Cannibals, Bitter Pill by Annie Lennox, A Small Measure of Peace by Hans Zimmer from The Last Samurai Soundtrack, Mother of a Mother by Michael Giacchino from the ALIAS Soundtrack
TWENTY-TWO
o
*Forever Young*
Irina walked down the hallway, smile on her face, flooded by memories of so many mornings, so long ago when she made the same trek to awaken her sleepy little girl. She gently turned the handle on the door and slipped inside the room. Irina hadn't seen it since the day she'd left Sydney at Ms. Adam's twenty-one years ago. Everything was exactly the same except for a few High School track trophies and medals adorning one of her bookshelves. A poster of Bon Jovi on the back of the door that made Irina giggle softly thinking about Sydney as a teenager as well as the cork board above her desk full of various pictures of 'high bangs' and 'pinned pants.' She lightly grazed her hand over a stack of books she recognized as her own, as well as the First Edition copy of Alice in Wonderland her mother had given her and she had given Sydney. On the top of one dresser were framed photos of Sydney and her friends at various ages as well as two dolls. One Irina remembered giving her for her fifth birthday and another she had never seen.
Sydney was curled up, sleeping on her side and Irina knelt down to watch her daughter, smiling at how much her little girl had changed, and how much she'd stayed the same. She glanced over to the nightstand and tears instantly came to her eyes as she carefully picked up the framed photographs.
The first one was taken just days after Sydney was born. Irina had been rocking her to sleep and fell asleep in the process. The moment captured by Jack, one of her favorite photographs.
The other photo was what Irina recognized to be her last photo taken with Sydney before she left. It had been Halloween and Sydney was dressed up like Cinderella, Irina was a cat. Sydney's little arms holding on to Irina's neck fiercely as Irina knelt beside her, both wearing big smiles as they'd prepared to head out Trick-or-Treating. Carefully, she set them back on the nightstand.
Irina smiled and running her fingers over Sydney's face brushing the hair behind her ear she leaned over and kissed her cheek.
"Sydney," she whispered into her ear with a smile. "Wake up, Cinderella."
Sydney's eyes fluttered open and her face lit into a giant smile seeing her mother smiling back at her. She hugged her pillow tighter and closed her eyes again.
"Maybe I should have called you 'Sleeping Beauty." Irina giggled and sat on the small twin bed next to Sydney, leaning over her with her body, arms on each side, cheek pressed to Sydney's, just like she used to.
Sydney wiggled her arm out from beneath the blankets to embrace Irina, her eyes catching the photos on her nightstand making her smile. 'How many times had she awoken in the morning, looking at those photos wishing for her mother to be the one awakening her just as Irina was doing now?'
"It's a holiday," Sydney spoke, the vibrations tickling Irina's cheek pressed against hers. "I get to sleep in on holidays…a rarity among spies." She laughed, as did her mother.
Irina threaded her fingers with Sydney's, and they lay like that a moment.
"I love you, Sydney." Irina whispered.
"I love you too, Mom." Sydney smiled, feeling so safe suddenly under her mother's protective embrace, even at twenty-seven years old.
"I promised that if I ever got the chance," Irina pulled Sydney into a tighter embrace beneath her, "I would tell you everyday just how much I love you." She kissed her on the temple and pulled away to a sitting position smiling as Sydney moved to sit up, just admiring her daughter. "We should head downstairs. Your father is making you chocolate chip pancakes." Irina smiled and began to get off the bed.
"Mom." Sydney caught her attention and Irina turned back. Sydney looked at her a moment, then launched herself into Irina's arms, holding on to her with all her strength. "I've missed you so much." She whispered into her mother's hair. "I'm so happy you're home."
"Me too, Sweetheart. Me too." Irina rocked with her in a hug for a moment then kissed her head and pulled Sydney to her feet.
They were arm in arm bounding down the steps in smiles and Irina paused at the entertainment center to turn on the CD player. She rifled through the disks and was surprised to find one of her favorites.
"It's mine." Sydney admitted watching her mother. "It has that song on it…the one about saying 'Goodbye to your mother,' so I bought it. "
Irina nodded at her, acknowledging that Sydney had probably bought it after hearing it on the DVD they took from Irina's place in Rio. She placed the disk in the tray and pressed the track number she wanted, hit repeat, turned on the house surround sound, cranked the volume and grabbed Sydney's hand.
*I'm Alive *
Irina smiled and danced her way into the kitchen making Sydney giggle at never having seen her mother like this in her adult life, so happy and silly. She danced over to Katya, kissed her on the cheek and then to Jack, turning his face as he scrambled eggs, to kiss his smiling amused face.
Irina made her way over to the refrigerator and pulled out a small bottle of Insulin and a syringe, still smiling much to the surprise of everyone. She set them down in front of her on the kitchen island where Lena was awake sitting in her Bouncy seat. She pricked her finger, and tested her blood sugar, all eyes on her in fascination while she continued to bounce with the music. Keeping her eyes focused on the baby in front of her, Irina pulled her nightgown up enough on one side to inject herself in the thigh.
Smiling at the three watching her with worry and touched by their concern Irina smiled and shrugged, "I'm alive." Repeating the words of the song, and trying to accept her new lifestyle. She tossed the syringe into the orange box disposal and picked up Lena, holding her to her chest she began dancing around the kitchen with the baby, humming with the song while Jack, Katya and Sydney all watched her with smiles.
The doorbell rang announcing they had visitors.
"That'd be Vaughn and Eric." Sydney smiled as she watched her mother swaying to the music with her sister, side stepping them to get the door.
"Oh good, the boys are here." Irina smiled at Jack who looked annoyed.
"They're here awfully early." Jack grumbled flipping the pancakes.
"You told them early, Jack." Irina reminded him as nuzzled the baby's head against her cheek. "Two more for breakfast, Bristow."
Sydney re-entered the kitchen followed by 'the boys' where they stopped dead in their tracks by the sight of Irina in her nightgown, smiling and dancing with the baby in the kitchen while Jack made pancakes in pajama pants, looking like a completely normal family.
"Good God!" Weiss swallowed hard, having never witnessed this before, feeling like he'd been put through some sort of time warp and was having a hard time breathing seeing Irina in a negligee dancing around. The only evidence she'd been pregnant two weeks ago, the baby in her arms. Her body was already back to its impeccable form and breathtaking.
"Morning boys." Irina smiled and waved at them with the baby's hand as she continued swaying around the kitchen. She continued her dance past them and stopped briefly to kiss Jack as he began pouring the orange juice. "I'm going to grab a robe and you a shirt before we eat." She winked at him and swayed her way with the music out of the kitchen with the baby.
"Orange juice? Coffee?" Jack asked them as they took a seat on the stools around the breakfast bar.
"Coffee." Both answered at the same time, still shaking their heads at the surreal environment they found themselves in.
Irina returned moments later in silky robe that matched her pajamas and tossed Jack a t-shirt. She fastened the baby into the Bouncy Seat again and they all sat down for breakfast.
"Sydney," Irina began when they'd finished and she started clearing dishes, "I know you wanted to stay in today…but if it's okay with you, I would really love to get outside…breathe some fresh air, I've been cooped up so long. Maybe go shopping!" She raised her raised her eyebrows with a delighted smile.
"Mom, shopping on the day after Thanksgiving? Are you nuts?" Sydney helped her load the dishwasher. "The stores will be insane with sales."
"I was thinking of hitting up Beverly Hills." Irina shrugged not thinking about the crazy American obsession with Christmas shopping this day of the year. "I don't have any clothes except for the few articles you and Katya got for me. Which are beautiful by the way," She admired her nightgown smiling, "But I need more."
"Beverly Hills, huh?" Weiss made a whistling noise, still nervous around Irina, as he passed them his utensils. Meshing the images of the assassin they'd held in a glass cell for a year with the images of the mother and wife before him now, were taking some time. "Sounds more fun then Home Depot where we're going." He smiled at her softly.
"Ok, I'm always game for shopping." Sydney smiled realizing she'd never been shopping in Beverly Hills on her CIA salary.
The girls of the house had spent all morning shopping Beverly Hills on Rodeo and in the Beverly Center with Irina buying everything for everyone. They'd all gotten new clothes, shoes, accessories and jewelry, and all of them went nuts in 'Pea in a Pod' baby store finding tons of cute clothes for Lena. Irina also decided that the fourth bedroom upstairs should be converted into Lena's nursery so after calling Jack to make sure it was okay, she went crazy buying stuff to decorate it with Sydney and Katya's help. On their way home Irina made Sydney swing by the Porsche and Mercedes dealerships in Santa Monica, deciding she needed a car, too.
"Mom, you can't be serious." Sydney patted Lena's back watching her mother circling the little Porsche convertible while the salesman looked on. "It's not exactly a family car." She looked down at the baby in her arms thinking about all the stuff one had to tote around with a child.
"You're right, it's not a family car." Irina smiled coming to take the baby from Sydney, "But we'll look for that later." She kissed the baby's head and handed her to Katya. "Katya, would you mind staying here with Lena while Sydney and I take it for test drive?"
Katya saw the mischievous gleam in Irina's eyes, as she took the baby. "Don't get arrested." She smiled speaking in Russian as the confused salesman opened the door for Irina. Sydney looked concerned as Irina got behind the wheel and she hurried to get in the passenger seat, the salesman in the back.
"Buckle up." Irina smiled, revving the engine.
"Mom," Sydney pulled tight on the belt, also seeing her mother was up to something. "Have you driven since-" Sydney switched to Russian to keep the salesman out of the conversation.
"Moscow?" Irina finished for her, "No." She smiled and Sydney looked at her horrified.
"Mom." Sydney gave her a warning look as Irina casually pulled out of the lot headed toward the PCH, Pacific Coast Highway.
*Wahoo! (Song #2)*
"Sydney, it will be fine." Irina waggled her eyebrows waiting for the light to turn green.
"So you two are Russian?" The salesman asked lying his arms casually across the back of the super tiny seat, having no idea what he'd just gotten himself in to.
There was no time to answer as Irina floored the little Porsche, squealing the wheels as she tore away.
"Oh shit!" Sydney held onto the door as Irina began zigging and zagging around traffic with inches between bumpers at speeds of 80mph or more.
Irina was smiling madly, loving the freedom and wind in her hair. The surge of adrenaline pumping through her veins reminding her she was alive.
"Oh my God!" The salesman scrambled to put on his seatbelt in the backseat. "This is a 40 mph zone!" He squealed terrified in the backseat at the mercy of this crazy Russian woman driving.
"And?" Irina asked shifting and zinging around a Ferrari.
"You're going over a 100 mph!" He screamed over the wind, holding on for dear life as the ocean and mountains flew by on either side of them.
Irina sped up and smiled as she continued to move the car with amazing speed and agility.
"Red light, red light, red light!" The man screamed as they approached an intersection with a yellow light signaling it was about to turn red and traffic would change.
Irina slammed her foot on the gas and shifted gears, flying through the intersection and narrowly missing a semi-truck and three cars. The salesman in the back was screaming for his life the whole time, the sound drowned out by the wind.
"Oh fuck!" Sydney shouted eyeing a Highway Patrolman coming towards them, lights already flashing and another in the rear-view mirror.
Irina seemed to take it as a challenge. "Hold on." She smiled seeing the turnoff for Mulholland Drive coming up.
"Oh Mom, nonononono!" Sydney squealed as Irina slammed on the brakes cranking the wheel and then slamming on the gas simultaneously, using the extra space to fly around the corner, making a complete 180 degree turn with the two cops almost smashing into each other trying to follow her as she sped away.
"Who the fuck are you, lady? James Bond?" The salesman asked sweating in the backseat, impressed and yet horrified as he watched the patrolmen regroup and hot in the pursuit again.
"This isn't exactly the best way to stay low profile!" Sydney shouted over the roar of the wind as Irina flew through traffic, loving the fact that cars were pulling off the side of the road for her and the police pursuit.
She tore into the car lot squealing her tires around the corner, sliding the car sideways into its parking spot, stopping on a dime.
"Whew! Still got it." Irina smiled, "I'll take it." Happy with herself, she stepped out of the car as the police sirens screamed surrounding the lot.
Sydney jumped out just after, holding up her Department of State badge to the policemen surrounding them with guns trained. "It's ok! I'm a Federal Agent!"
The salesman terrified sat in the backseat holding his arms in the air.
Katya stood inside the store, shaking her head with laughter at the scene outside. Irina had been gone less then ten minutes and already caused enough trouble that the dealership was surrounded by police.
Sydney pulled her mother's arm, forcing Irina by her side as she showed the policeman her badge.
"What the hell were you doing?" The policeman yelled giving the signal for the others to lower their weapons.
"Test driving a car?" Irina smiled and Sydney looked like she wanted to strangle her.
"Mom, you're not helping matters here." Sydney scolded her mother under her breath in Russian.
"Irina, what have you gotten yourself into now?" Katya laughed as she stepped out of the building with the baby seeing as how it was safe now that the police were standing down.
"Irina?" The policeman studied her closely, her name combined with the Russian, setting off alarm bells. "You're the one on TV…aren't you? That lost Russian Tsar."
"I'm not lost." Irina gave him a challenging look.
"Look," Sydney stepped between them. "We're trying to keep her whereabouts a secret from the public."
"Well then, I suggest you don't create a car chase!" The officer looked down at Sydney smugly, feeling as though he were a man and taller, he could somehow intimidate her.
Irina tensed at the sight of the man trying to throw his weight around with Sydney.
"We're sorry for disrupting your afternoon or anyone else's," Sydney stood taller annoyed with the man. "But I assure you," She looked sternly at Irina, who was trying not to smile, "We won't be bothering you again today. And as official Department of State business," She lied flashing her badge again. All well, her father could make it official if need be. "I have to ask you not to speak to anyone about what you saw here today or reveal the whereabouts of this woman to anyone, is that understood?" She glanced at the man's nametag. "Officer Jackson?"
"Yes, ma'am." The officer nodded, and backed away towards his patrol car, signaling the others to leave as well.
"Mom! What the hell was that?" Sydney grabbed Irina's arm turning her towards her with a jerk when the cars had gone.
"It was living a little, Sweetheart." Irina smiled and squeezed her daughter's forearm. "Oh come on, Sydney!" She arched her eyebrows when Sydney still looked disturbed. "You know that was fun. Come on 'pouty pants,' I'll buy you a car." Irina winked taking the baby from Katya as they made there way towards the shaken salesman getting out of the car.
Sydney looked down at the pavement, now scarred with tire marks and shook her head, breaking into a smile as Irina asked, "So what do you have for family style SUVs?"
"What the?" Jack stepped back from the white picket fence they'd just finished wrapping in lights as the parade of new cars parked in the driveway.
Irina jumped out of a new black Mercedes SUV, Sydney out of a metallic silver Audi convertible, Katya out of Irina's little red Porsche and some guy they'd never seen out of a black Mercedes sedan, who waved and then climbed into another car that had followed them before driving away.
"Hello, My Love." Irina glided up to Jack carrying the baby, diaper bag and purse. "The lights look fantastic. Can you get the rest of the bags and bring them in for us? Thank you, My Love." She kissed him on the cheek as she breezed by into the house.
Sydney and Katya followed with big smiles, arms loaded with bags and none of them offering a word of explanation.
Jack looked to an equally stunned Weiss and Vaughn who moved towards the back of the SUV and convertibles to retrieve the bags.
"When she goes shopping, she really goes shopping." Weiss loaded up his arms, admiring the new cars and tons of bags. "Next time, I'm going with her instead of Home Depot with you."
Jack threw him a nasty look as he slammed the car door shut.
*She Drives Me Crazy *
"Irina, Darling," Jack set the bags down and began un-strapping Lena from her car seat. "To whom do all of those cars belong to?"
"Well, I didn't have a car here so we stopped and picked one up." Irina breezed by him again, dropping a quick kiss to both him and the baby as she helped the others in the door.
"One, yes. There are four new vehicles out there." Jack cradled the baby in his arms, watching the whirlwind around him.
"Well, I need one for the family so I got an SUV. I wanted the cute little Porsche for myself and I bought you the little black Mercedes because I love you so much and that giant Lincoln you drive around just isn't sexy, Panama." She threw him a saucy grin as she began digging through bags and Jack shook his head trying not to laugh.
"And the fourth car? The Audi." He reminded her.
"Oh that's mine." Sydney bound down the steps with a smile after taking bags up to her mother's room. "It's Mom's guilt gift after almost having us both arrested this afternoon."
"What?" Jack and Vaughn asked simultaneously earning them a look and a laugh.
"Sydney!" Irina gave her daughter a look for ratting her out. "I bought you that because I love you."
"Mom took the Porsche for a test drive." Sydney offered up, loving to see her mother squirm.
"So most people do when they buy a new car." Weiss added not understanding why that was arrest worthy.
"Yes, but not going over a hundred down the PCH while being chased by five highway patrolman." Sydney smiled as her father's face turned ashen.
"Irina…" Jack turned on her.
"I've still got it." Irina smiled in response, happy with herself as she hadn't driven since the damage to her hand in Moscow months ago.
"What were you thinking?" Jack scolded her, horrified at the thought.
"I was thinking I needed to live a little after everything. I needed to feel that surge of adrenaline to let me know I'm still alive. I had to know…I'm still me." She offered a small smile in apology.
"You're going to drive me crazy woman." Jack sighed, shaking his head he flopped onto the couch. He understood her reasoning but it didn't make him any less worried about her risk taking. Living with 'Irina' was never going to be dull he realized.
"She's really an amazing driver, Dad, you should see her in action." Sydney tried to 'up' the conversation, feeling badly now for trying to make it a joke after finding out Irina's reasoning behind it.
"Thank you, Sweetheart." Irina smiled plopping down in the chair, exhausted.
"Oh, I've seen her in action." Jack tried not to smile, shaking his head at Irina.
Sydney pretended not to hear that comment or the context it was meant to be taken in.
"I think I'm going to start running again tomorrow." Irina smiled, still riding the rush from earlier today, feeling very much alive again and ready for action.
"Irina you just had a baby, not to mention surviving death and you want to go running? Honey, I don't think that's a good idea."
"Yes, I know, Jack." Irina squeezed the exercise ball she's picked up off the coffee table in her hand, working her hand's tendons they'd fixed while she was in the hospital. "That's why I'll start with something short. Only four miles instead of the usual six." She smiled up at him.
Jack slapped his hand against his forehead, leaning back into the couch with a sigh covering his eyes, realizing there was no reasoning with a woman who was unreasonable.
The next few days passed without incident. Katya had returned home to Italy to spend time with her husband and children, agreeing with Irina that both should stay out of Russia until they could figure something out with Vladimir concerning their now celebrity status.
Jack, Vaughn, Weiss, and Sydney had all returned to work and Irina kept busy with the baby, decorating her nursery, going for runs on the beach and talking with members of her government and the American one, trying to figure out the next move.
Irina was still sneaking out of bed at night when she thought Jack was sleeping, opting instead to meditate rather then face the onslaught of nightmares that seemed to be plaguing her as of late. And every morning she would slide back into bed, unaware Jack knew what she was doing. He still didn't understand her reasoning and the thoughts of 'why,' were now occupying his thoughts during the night and day but he said nothing.
Irina had stepped out one December afternoon, intending to start her run with the baby but was stopped in her tracks by a mass of dozens of red roses waiting for her on the porch. She smiled as she knelt to read the card, instantly thinking of how romantic Jack was.
'My Dearest Tsarina, I must say I am impressed with your ability to survive death on top of birthing another child by your bastard American husband? You always were a fertile bitch. It took me awhile to realize where you'd be hiding and then it struck me. Where does a whore return to, but the bed she knows best? I'm not bitter at you, Love, for trying to kill me, as I hope you're not bitter with me. It is all part of our glorious game of cat and mouse. Take care of that precious baby, and I'll see you soon. Love, Gerard.'
Irina crumpled the paper in rage, threw it down and kicked the roses over, scattering them across the porch.
*Bitter Pill *
'I will not let him get to me, I will not let him get to me.' Irina chanted over and over in her head as she strapped Lena into the baby jogger and her feet began pounding the pavement.
'Son-of-a-bitch! Mother-fucking bastard-ass thinks I'm playing a game with him. I'll show you a game when I find your fucking ass!' She ranted in her mind as her feet carried her faster and faster, the hate inside her creating a surge of energy. 'Bitter? God damn fucking right I'm bitter you mother-fucking cocksucker! When I am finished with you…' She continued to boil inside with rage for the man. Irina ran on for almost an hour, significantly more then her four-mile maximum and her lungs began to burn. With her heart pounding in her chest, she decided to head for home as it was almost Lena's feeding time and Jack would be returning from work soon. She rounded the block, headed for home and noticed as three cars began to follow her. She ran harder fearing the worst and noticed it wasn't thugs out to nab her but men with cameras.
The paparazzi had found her and continued to snap pictures of her and Lena as she ran full speed towards home. When she was two blocks away, a man jumped out in front of her from behind a tree with a camera in her face and she had to swerve to avoid hitting him, though on her way by, she threw her elbow and he landed on the other side of the bushes. She reached the driveway, with now a mass of cameras flashing behind her and as soon as she hit the sidewalk stopped the jogger stroller pulled Lena out, shielding her from the bright flashes. She tore up the sidewalk and almost ran smack into Jack sitting on the steps, holding a rose and the crumpled paper in his hand.
"We have a problem." She sighed, out of breath, sweat soaked curls framing her face where they fell from her ponytail.
"I see that." Jack looked from the note to the mass of photographers accumulating outside the white picket fence. He reached out and guided her into the house, away from the people snapping their pictures furiously.
"When did this arrive?" Jack fingered the note as Irina sat Lena in the Bouncy seat and grabbed a glass of water. He took a seat on the stool in front of her, feeling the anger inside him rising now that his fear had subsided.
"It was waiting for me when I went out this afternoon. I don't know when it arrived. They didn't ring the bell." She sighed, her back to him as she poured another glass of water, hanging her shoulders in defeat.
"Why didn't you call me right away?" Jack tried his best not to yell at her. "I was scared to death when I got home and found it that way. Thought you were kidnapped again until I noticed the jogger and your running shoes were gone."
"I didn't think to in the moment. I just wanted to run." Irina answered, still with her back to him. "I needed to clear my head. I'm sorry if I worried you, but I thought I would be back before you got home."
Jack's demeanor softened seeing she was obviously upset by the note and now the damn photographers. He noticed her body was visibly shaking and his worry took over once again.
"Irina, how long have you been running?" He jumped off the stool and forced her to look at him, feeling her body tremble beneath his grasp. Her pale complexion alarmed him.
"I don't know…I lost count." She continued to tremble uncontrollably.
"Sit down." He guided her over to the breakfast stool afraid she was about to pass out. "When's the last time you checked your blood sugar?" He grabbed her kit off the counter.
"A few hours ago, I guess. It was okay before I left." She felt her world begin to spin. Jack pricked her finger and smeared her blood on the stick for the meter reading.
*Bad Day *
"Oh God, Irina." Jack flew to the fridge grabbing a jug of orange juice. "Start drinking! You're so low you're barely reading."
"I need a glass." She noted as Jack lifted the juice towards her lips.
"You don't need a damn glass! Just start drinking!" He commanded. "Goddamnit, Irina! You have to be careful! You can't just go running like that and do whatever you want anymore!" He continued to rant as she began drinking directly from the jug. "You have to take care of yourself or you'll end up in a diabetic coma for Christ-sake!"
Irina took one last swig of juice then set the jug softly on the counter, Jack so busy ranting he missed the look of sadness that flashed across her face. She slowly got up off the stool and reached for the baby who began fussing from hunger.
"What do you think you're doing?" Jack grabbed her arm, stopping her from extracting the baby.
"I'm going to feed her, Jack, she's hungry." Irina cocked her head annoyed but didn't look at him.
"No." He pulled Lena from the Bouncy seat, "You're not. Your blood sugar is too low right now and you need to give your body a minute to adjust." He moved around Irina, still standing helplessly in front of the kitchen island, to get a bag of milk out of the freezer. "Go take a shower, we'll be fine." He filled a pan with water and set it on the stove, getting ready to make Lena a bottle.
Irina watched silently for a moment, grabbed the crumpled note and slowly made her way up the stairs, stopping only to draw the shades in the living room so reporters couldn't see in.
She tore off her clothes and pulled out her ponytail, as she made her way into the bathroom. Reaching for the shower handle and instead turned around, opting for a bath. As the water filled the big claw-foot tub, Irina read Cuvee's note once more…the anger she felt earlier now replaced by an overwhelming urge to cry and disappear. Today was a very bad day… Finding this note, the paparazzi chase and then Jack yelling at her, treating her like a child. She climbed into the steaming hot water and read and re-read the note multiple times, tears coming to her eyes at the memories Cuvee's words were bringing back to her. Finally having had enough, she slid down into the tub, the water covering her head; she let the note fall from her hand and drop over the side of the tub to the floor.
When she re-emerged a couple of minutes later, Jack was sitting on the closed toilet seat, holding a naked baby, note in hand, looking at her sadly. Without words he silently handed her the baby in the tub.
Irina said nothing but watched as her tiny ravenous daughter latched on and began eating, both comforted by the contact and warm water surrounding them.
"I'm sorry." Jack looked sadly at his wife and child, who looked so at peace together. "I was being an ass. I shouldn't have yelled at you or treated you like a child. I know you're trying and this is just as new to you as it is to me."
"It's ok." She said softly, raking her wet fingers through Lena's hair without looking up.
"No it's not ok." Jack crumpled the note up and threw it in the trash, moving closer to the tub. "I was angry at the situation with Cuvee and terrified for you when I saw how pale you were." He reached up and ran his thumb over her cheek now full of color. "I didn't mean to accuse of you of being negligent. Irina, I am just terrified to lose you again." He admitted turning her chin to look at him. "If anything ever happened to you again…" He swallowed the rest, not wanting to think about it. "I can't begin to imagine how insane this must be for you-"
"It's ok, Jack." She offered a small smile in understanding and cutting him off from any further comments about Cuvee.
He nodded, seeing she didn't want to talk about the details right now.
"Why is it that you're always apologizing to me when I'm in the bathtub?" She smiled, teasing him remembering a similar apology in St. Petersburg.
"Maybe because I'm in insensitive-ass who can't resist a beautiful woman in a tub?" He offered a smile, still trying to apologize. "What can I do to make it up to you?"
"Ah…" Irina ran her wet fingers over the curve of his jaw pretending to think. "You can strip down and climb in here with us. I would really just love to be in your arms right now." She added softly.
"Done." Jack stood and began stripping off his suit.
Irina leaned forward and Jack slipped into the tub behind her and the baby. His arms wrapping around her as she leaned back against him; still nursing the baby.
"I love you." He rested his cheek against her wet hair, pulling her tighter to him.
"I know." She cupped the warm water in her hand and ran it over their baby. "And I love you."
When they all left the tub a half hour later, Jack called Kendall and informed him of Cuvee's little gift as well as the paparazzi mess now camped out in front of his lawn.
Kendall in turn, called the State Department, informing them of the situation and had Diplomatic Security Service sent over immediately to guard the house and block off the paparazzi from coming anywhere near a five block radius.
Irina had called Vladimir and Katya informing them that she'd been found by the paparazzi, leaving out the part about Cuvee from Katya. Vladimir had dispatched a private security detail until she could make it back to Russia. They would arrive in the morning.
Sydney called panicked an hour later, having seen news footage of her mother running with the baby on the 9 o'clock news. Once Jack calmed her down, after she insisted coming over hearing about the added bonus of Cuvee's note, he and Irina lay down for the night, exhausted.
Irina had been so tired, she actually fell asleep before Jack did and he took the opportunity to lock her into his embrace, trapping her under his weight; hoping to stop any attempt she may make in the night to escape.
*A Small Measure of Peace (Kashmir Theme) *
Cuvee's mouth began its descent down Irina's chest, her arms and legs handcuffed to the metal bed frame in his office.
"See Irina," Cuvee leered at her looking up from where his tongue was assaulting her breasts, lying naked and heavy on top of her "You try to deny it, but even your body betrays your true cravings." He ran his thumbs over her erect nipples.
"It's freezing in here, you Son-of-a-bitch!" She spat at him and he slapped her hard, drawing blood from her nose and the corner of her mouth, roughly grabbing her face and kissing it hard.
Cuvee grabbed her hips and thrust himself into her, not caring at all as she bit her lip to keep from crying out in pain as she wasn't ready for him at all, the lubrication he was soon pumping with not natural, but blood from his rough pounding into her, tearing her apart and ripping open old tears that hadn't yet had a chance to heal from the last session of assault.
When he finished, his sweat soaked body collapsed onto hers, still chained to the bed. He tried to kiss her face again but she turned away from him, choosing to look at the wall, while he kissed his way down her body.
"Not again." He sighed heavily, shaking his head when he reached her abdomen. Running his hand over the soft curvature of her flesh slightly extended and firm to the touch. "God Bless you, if you are mine." He kissed her belly and Irina's eyes flashed to his, knowing exactly what he was about to do. He pulled himself off of her and began pulling on his pants.
As with the previous times, she wanted to scream out, 'No don't do it! You sonofabitch!' Remembering the pain and feelings of guilt she'd gone through before, but as with them, she remained silent. Tears in her eyes, feeling guilty for 'wanting' him to rid her body of any evidence and reminder of her rape as well, sharing in the knowledge that no one, at that point, knew who was the father, as many were possible candidates.
"You are one fertile bitch!" He looked back at her, grabbing his shirt and flinging open his office door, commanding orders at the officers outside.
The two raced in and un-cuffed Irina from the bed, holding a gun on her the entire time leering at her naked form and watching her get dressed, like always.
She knew this routine all too well and held her hands out to be re-cuffed. As soon as the guard was finished, the other shoved her violently towards the door. Irina's glaring eyes never leaving Cuvee's as she passed. They marched her down to the first platform of steps and Irina closed her eyes, waiting… and then it came, the violent kick to her back that sent her flying down the stairs. She landed at the bottom and curled into a ball immediately as her abdomen began cramping, signaling another miscarriage of an unwanted baby. The guards met her on the landing and proceeded to kick her relentlessly in the abdomen until they saw the blood. Her last vision, always Cuvee standing at the top of the steps with his clothes half on, before she passed out. She'd awaken in her cell hours later, dried and fresh blood covering the lower half of her body, pasting her clothes to her flesh as the intense tremors bolted through her system from the severe cramping. A leg, usually an arm, would be broken or dislocated from the fall, as well as a few fractured ribs, but after awhile the pain usually became numb with blood loss and she could no longer feel it. Curling up on the cold, cement floor, in her own puddle of blood, Irina closed her eyes and wished for the day that one of those falls would kill her. They would give her five days to recover before they would return again to ravage her body, starting the whole process over again.
They had her stripped naked, sprawled face down, bent over Cuvee's desk, handcuffed to the brackets he made special for just such occasion. Once again she could feel his hot breath on her face as he leaned over her, watching from his chair.
"Try not to get knocked up again, you fertile bitch!" He laughed and lit a cigar as his officers stripped down preparing to have a round with her.
"I will kill you, you son-of-a-bitch. I will kill you, Gerard!" Irina promised, as hot tears stung the cuts on her cheeks as the first officer thrust into her from behind.
Jack had been awakened sometime earlier by Irina's thrashing in her sleep under him and when he flicked the lamp on the nightstand on, he could see she was dreaming. Not dreaming, but having a nightmare as her face was stained with tears. He'd been afraid to wake her in such a startled state, so he watched helplessly as she went through her silent hell; the pain clearly written across her face while she slept.
Jack was startled when she spoke her last 'promise' to kill out loud and confirmed for him what was tormenting her so, 'Cuvee.' He couldn't let her go through that again, so he shook her slightly, preparing himself for any attack she might throw up coming out of such state.
"Irina," He called out softly, "Sweetheart, wake up. You're dreaming."
At that same moment the baby began crying and Irina flew out of bed, hearing the cry and not Jack's plea, responding instinctively to her daughter's cries of hunger. She gathered up the baby intending to go downstairs and stopped dead in her tracks when she turned and found Jack sitting up staring at her.
"I'll take her downstairs so you can go back to sleep." She whispered, giving him a small forced smile in the darkness, having no idea he'd been awake this whole time. She grabbed another blanket and headed for the door.
"Irina, wait..." Jack flew out of bed and took her arm gently. "We need to talk." His eyes full of sadness as he reached up to dry her tear trails. The look in his eyes letting her know he had an idea of what she'd been dreaming about.
"Not right now, Jack." She moved around him to get to the door.
"Please…why are you shutting me out?" He sighed. "Every night since you've been home you wait until you think I'm sleeping and then go downstairs and meditate instead of sleeping with me."
Irina's eyes darted to his. She wanted to accuse him of spying on her, but under the circumstances he had every right.
"I've been hoping that you'd come to me in your own time, tell me why you'd rather meditate on the floor downstairs than sleep in my arms…but you haven't." He backed up and sat on the bed while she remained at the door. "And tonight you were dreaming. You were having a nightmare. This is about Kashmir, isn't it?"
"Jack," Irina began and turned towards the door again, not wanting him to see her crying this way. "Please…I'm begging you." She choked out, "Not right now." She opened the door and vanished into the darkness of the hallway, leaving Jack sitting on the side of the bed.
For the next two hours, Jack sat on the side of the bed, waiting for her to return, this was a conversation they couldn't put off any longer. His mind began racing with the images from Irina's Kashmir tapes and wondered if the horror on there was only the beginning. Every time he'd try to bring up the subject, she's sidestep the conversation and switch topics or tell him 'not right now' or 'later.' He thought back to the day when they'd first watched the tapes in the conference room and he'd told Sydney that her mother was a 'master at compartmentalizing' for having to work with Cuvee again.
The problem with compartmentalizing is that you never deal with a problem; you just lock it up and throw away the key, hoping it never surfaces again. But after time, the weight of carrying it around begins to eat away at you, bubbling to the surface again as you violently try to shove it back into that little compartment way down deep. Irina, he just realized, had probably never dealt with what happened to her. Never sought counseling, and certainly never talked to anyone about it…she'd been keeping it inside her for twenty years, trying to deal with it on her own as she did with everything else in her life. He began to wonder if her nightmares were the reason behind her choosing to meditate rather then sleep. He'd seen her do it almost every night and day she was in custody when she turned herself in the first time to the CIA.
He was in the middle of this line of thought when the door slowly opened and Irina stopped, startled to see him sitting in the exact place she'd left him two hours prior. She met his eyes, and then shifted the sleeping baby, moving to lay her in the bassinet.
"Irina…" He began softly.
"What do you want me to say, Jack?" She stood in front of the window looking out, the furthest distance away from him she could possibly get.
"I want you to tell me about your nightmare." He swallowed hard, knowing he was pushing her away.
"Why?" She wrapped her arms around her chest, "So that you can have nightmares and neither one of us can sleep? There is no point in telling you, Jack. I'll be fine. I can handle it. I've handle it for twenty years on my own."
"But you're not alone anymore and you don't have to handle it on your own." He got up off the bed and moved behind her in front of the window, speaking slowly. "Please, I love you and I want to help you. I hurt when you hurt. Please just tell me. The nightmares…Are they the reason you'd rather meditate?"
Irina remained silent as Jack wrapped his arms tighter around her shoulders.
"Yes." She breathed out in a shaky voice, offering him only this small bit of truth.
Jack nodded and closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of her hair pressed against his cheek.
"Tell me about the one tonight." He spoke softly.
"Jack, believe me. You don' t want to hear it." She closed her eyes as a single tear ran down her cheek.
"Irina, what are you afraid will happen if you tell me?" Jack ran his thumb over the smooth skin on her shoulder.
"That if I let out a small piece it will all come out and I won't be able to control it, to handle it, and have a nervous breakdown or worse…that you'll never want to touch me again." She added softly with tears in her eyes, admitting her true fears.
Jack felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He turned her slowly in his arms, tilting her chin to his face.
"Irina, I love you. This isn't your fault it isn't your doing. You did nothing wrong and no matter what you tell me. I am still going to love you, still going to want you because you're, my everything. We've made it through so much we will make it through this, too. But you've got to let me help. Please." He ran his thumbs over her cheeks wiping the tears.
"I just need some time, Jack, please understand. It's not you. I love you, but this is about me, and dealing with my own demons. Please, I just ask that you give me a little more time. " She placed her palms on his bare chest, keeping her head down, not wanting to look him in the eyes.
"Ok," He pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on her head, "I'll give you more time but Irina, if you don't want to talk to me please talk to someone when you're ready."
She nodded slightly into his chest and he took her by the hand and led her back to bed, curling up to get some remnants of sleep before the sun came up.
"Hello." Jack greeted the tall muscular blonde man who stood outside the door when he was leaving for work. "And who are you?" He looked around at the numerous men and women wearing black suits and sunglasses placed around his house and on the street.
"We are Russian security detail for Tsarina." The man answered in English with a thick Russian accent. "My name is Yuriy and I am head of security detail. You can come to me with any comments our concerns."
"Well, hello, Yuriy." Jack extended his hand, remembering Irina mentioning something about Putin sending in re-enforcements. "My name is Jack."
"Yes, I know." The man nodded answering shortly, and shook his hand before returning to his stoic pose. "Have a good day at work, Mr. Bristow."
Jack looked at the big Russian man curiously and then to the group amassed to protect Irina…Russian and American security forces working side by side. He shook his head at the irony and left for work.
"Jack," Kendall approached him the minute he stepped out of his office. "Senator Douglas is being transferred here within the hour."
"Why? How is his arrest relevant to the CIA, other then the fact I would love to have a crack at that son-of-a-bitch?" Jack fumed thinking about the man sentencing Irina to die.
"Well, here's the relevant part," Kendall raised his eyebrows, shifting his weight, hands on hips. "In investigating Senator Douglas, the FBI found a money transfer totaling $3 million dollars into the good Senators account the same day he handed down Irina's execution sentence."
"Son-of-a-bitch!" Jack seethed throwing his file on to the desk. "He was paid to execute her!"
"Well," Kendall looked solemnly at Jack remembering very vividly Irina's execution. "It only gets worse. He was taken to Camp Harris where he's been interrogated and after two hours, began spilling the beans in an attempt to work out a plea agreement. He confessed the name of his bankroller." He paused, "Arvin Sloane."
Jack's anger rising inside, too angry to speak thinking back to the flowers and note Sloane had sent to the house, giving his 'condolences on Irina's death' when the motherfucker had been the one responsible.
"He wants Irina dead so she can't stop the Prophecy." Jack realized.
"It would seem that way." Kendall agreed.
"She's the only one who can stop him. We need to bring her in." He began heading towards his office to call Irina.
"Jack, what the hell are you talking about?" Kendall followed, thinking that bringing Irina Derevko anywhere near this place again was a bad idea.
"Dad, what's going on?" Sydney and Vaughn came up behind them.
"Sloane paid Senator Douglas $3 million dollars to deliver your mother's execution sentence." Jack paused momentarily to relay the information.
"My God! That evil bastard!" Sydney was taken back by the revelation.
"Irina has Diplomatic Immunity now and we need her help." Jack looked to Kendall, "She agreed to cooperate with us on anything related to Sloane in a joint effort with Russia to bring him down." He picked up the phone to make the call, "Do you know where the money was transferred through?" He paused with his fingers above the keypad.
"Jakarta." Kendall answered and Jack's eyes lit up.
"Irina's old contact, Zamir Allyahawa the Saudi born nationalist with ties to Al-Qaeda, made a money transfer with Sloane out of Jakarta. She was going to help us contact him before her Execution Order was given. If we can somehow link the two-"
"Do it. Bring her in." Kendall waved his permission and walked out of the office feeling they might be on to something. "I'll call Washington and get Clearance."
"Hello, Jack, is anything wrong?" Irina answered the other end of the line, worried as he was calling on their private line.
"Irina, we need your help. It's about Sloane. I need you to come into the office." Jack rambled on nervously.
"Jack, the CIA?" Irina fidgeted nervously, thinking about going back to the place that kept her prisoner for so long.
"Yes, I'll come home and get you." He could hear the nervousness in her tone, "I'm leaving right now I'll be there soon. I love you." He added softly onto the end and made Sydney smile, still standing in the doorway.
"Ok. I love you, too." Irina answered hanging up.
"We better go change." Irina smiled softly at the baby staring up at her, following the sound of her mother's voice and shadow with her eyes now.
"Hey, did you see this?" Weiss sat on the edge of Sydney's desk, throwing down the LA Times, US Weekly and People Magazine. Irina's pictures were covering all of them. The one they were flashing on the television screen now accompanied by a series of photographs, takes of her and Lena while on their run only yesterday.
"God, they're fast." Sydney scanned the various covers and flipped through the pages to see more photographs of her mother and Katya as well as the Romanovs.
"Personally, this is my favorite." Weiss laughed showing her the picture in US Weekly of Irina elbowing a photographer and sending him flying backwards over the bushes.
Sydney laughed out loud, "Yep, that's my mom." She smiled proudly.
"So, Mike said that Washington cleared your Mom and she's coming in." He grew more serious.
"Yeah, my dad went home to get her. They should be here any minute." She threw the paper and magazines in the trash.
The last thing she wanted to happen was having everyone gossiping about her mother's press coverage while Irina was there to help. The gossip from the tapes was bad enough, now that practically everyone in Ops had seen them after the Department of Justice ordered them to scan every face in the Kashmir prison, looking for any other possible matches of KGB spies; not just the ones Irina was accused of killing.
Jack had picked Irina and the baby up, leaving behind her security detail, fooling the press she was still at home, and under orders from the D.O.J., Irina had to be blindfolded the entire way to Ops so she couldn't tell where it was located. As soon as they stepped inside the main doors, Jack removed her blindfold and handed her the baby.
Irina looked stunning in a black suit, much like the one she had worn the day she turned herself in. The baby looked angelic in Irina's arms, her soft black hair contrasting sharply with the white dress outfit and satin blankets she was wrapped in.
Jack and three security personnel walked Irina through a series of corridors and finally they entered the Ops center.
*Mother of a Mother*
All activity ceased in awe at the sight before them. This was the first time they were seeing Irina Derevko, without her prison blue attire, without the shackles and armed guards. The same woman in the tapes they'd seen countless times now. The last time any of them had seen her, she was being carted away to her death and now she stood before them looking regal and poised, an equal. Not even an equal but above them as a Russian Diplomat and Tsar of the largest country in the world. The irony of it all, captivating.
"Mom." Sydney smiled greeting her mother with a big hug and placed a kiss on her sister's forehead while everyone watched.
"Did dad fill you in on Sloane?" She asked running her hand through Lena's hair.
"Yes, in the car." Irina looked around at all the staring faces, catching Kendall as he approached.
"Ms. Derevko." Kendall nodded at her, offering a small smile. "Well, this is certainly a turn of events." He paused when she continued to stare at him, not finding it funny. "We appreciate the help." He offered his thanks, and a small smile that Irina returned, letting him off the hook.
"Hello." Marshall came running over. "Umm…Ms. Derevko? How are you feeling?" He asked nervously and truly concerned, the last time he'd seen her in the hospital.
"Much better, Marshall," Irina smiled at him, "Thank you for asking."
"She gets more beautiful everyday…you and Syd are so …she's bound to be awesome." He smiled at the baby, lifting her small fingers with his and Irina smiled at him again, really liking this bumbling man.
"Shall we get started?" Kendall motioned for them to move towards the computer they had set up for Irina to work from.
Irina looked up to the monitors just above her head. The cell, which used to feature 'Irina LIVE,' now was a continuous stream of Senator Douglas, once again reminding Irina they really had been watching her every movement twenty-four hours a day.
"I should start by asking to see everything you've accumulated on Sloane in the last year, so I can compare it with what I know." Irina got right to business taking a seat in the chair behind the desk.
"Of course." Jack smiled, loving that he was working with Irina again. Seeing her brain working was almost as fascinating as the other talents she had. He shot Agent McCarthy a look, indicating he should get copies for Irina.
"Right on it, Agent Bristow." The man nodded and flew off to locate the material.
"What else?" Jack leaned down onto the desk as Vaughn brought over the Moses basket for Irina to lay the baby in.
"You said both Zamir and Senator Douglas received payments through a bank in Jakarta?" She paused waiting for Jack to nod 'yes.' "I need both financial records of those transactions, as well as for the World Bank in Kuala Lumpur around the same time."
"Why?" Kendall asked curiously, not accusing her but in wonder.
"Zamir favors the World Bank because it's host to hundreds of illegal account holders worth millions and doesn't ask questions. If he was the one behind Senator Douglas's money transfer, Sloane undoubtedly routed it through the bank in Kuala Lumpur to Zamir first." Irina's mind was turning, happy to be back in the action. "And if he is, we can possibly run a trace back to where the original source of funds came from…Sloane."
Sydney was seeing where her mother was going. "I'll try to get the records of every transaction on both those days." Vaughn smiled at Sydney and nodded at Jack and Irina before he took off.
"How are you going to contact Zamir?" Jack asked curiously.
"Well, that's the difficult part." Irina sighed, pushing her hair behind her ear in a move that made Dixon smile at Sydney, seeing now where she got 'her thing.'
"I burned my bridges with him over the nuclear silo, but if I can put word out that I am looking for him to do business…he'll come back. I have what he needs and can't get elsewhere." She looked up the group, all of them realizing what she meant.
The United States and Russia were the world's leading super powers in weaponry, bombs, and other explosives and with the U.S being completely inaccessible at the moment, Russia became the terrorist world's superstore,' having everything the US did, everything a terrorist could want.
Irina, for the most part, had been trying to stop the illegal sales and flow of old Soviet planes, weapons and bombs out of her country to terrorist groups for the last couple of years.
"I'm going to try and contact a mutual contact of ours and plant the message."
"How's your currently celebrity status going to affect this?" Kendall asked the question they all wanted to know. "People knowing who you really are?"
"The fact that it's out means nothing." She shifted the baby in her arms, "My associates knew of the power I held within the Russian government before all this circus started. " She answered honestly, surprising everyone. "If anything it will only help because they'll want me, 'Russia,' to side with them in their 'war against the US,' especially now that its common knowledge in 'our world' that the US tried, and almost successfully had me executed…They'll be expecting me to take some form of revenge on this country." Seeing the tense faces, she smiled, adding, "Of course, they would have no idea that Russia was…is, really helping the US to bring them down."
Jack smiled back at her, "Anything else you need?"
"Yes, I would love a cup of coffee." Irina smiled, patting the baby's back, lying against her chest.
"I'll get right on it." Agent Crane smiled at Irina, having liked this woman from the first moment they'd met. The memory of Irina refusing to answer her questions for two hours when they first interrogated her last year upon her arrival at the CIA still made her smile in memory. "Black, no sugar, no cream, right?"
"Yes." Irina offered a small smile at the young woman. "What are you going to do?" She looked to Jack, sitting on her desk.
"I'm going to 'question' Senator Douglas." He looked up at the monitor, watching the Senator sitting on the bunk. "I'll be back in few hours."
"I'm going hit the gym with the guys later," Sydney squatted near her mother, Lena wrapping her tiny fingers around hers'. "You can join me if you want." She looked sincerely at her mother, thinking that training with her could be fun. "I know you haven't been able to workout since the paparazzi discovered you."
"Are you serious?" She looked at her funny, the transition from prisoner with 15 minutes on the exercise roof and armed guards, to sparring partner inside the CIA's gym with their agents taking her back a little.
Jack looked to Kendall who shrugged as if to say, sarcastically, 'Why the hell not, she's here with access to our Intel anyway might as well throw in the gym and make it a full membership.'
"Yeah, what the hell. Go ahead," Kendall finally said. "You might as well train here if you're going out in the field with us."
Jack's face was a look of total surprise at the thought, having not realized that once Irina set up the meet, she would actually be going out in the field to do the work. Visions of her in action in Bangkok floated through his mind.
"I don't have any clothes with me." She looked from Kendall to Sydney and Jack.
"Wardrobe will accomodate you." He smiled leaning over to stroke the baby's head with his hand. "I'll see you in a few hours."
She nodded and watched him disappear behind the big steel doors that led to the holding cells.
The monitors went to black and a chill ran through her spine knowing Jack was about to go torture the man, not that he didn't deserve it.
Irina, Sydney, Vaughn, Weiss and Dixon worked for a couple of hours, moving to the conference room so they could spread out the documents and bounce ideas off each other without disturbing the rest of Ops; Lena, sleeping peacefully in her basket at the far end of the room, but never out of the reach of Irina.
"I'm going to get some more coffee. You guys want some more?" Vaughn stood stretching.
"Yeah lets take a short break, I need to get a sandwich or something to munch on." Sydney stood dropping her pen on the table. "Mom, do you need anything?"
"Just point me in the direction of the restroom, please." She scooped up the baby. "I need to take my insulin."
"I'll take Lena and show you where it is." She smiled, taking the baby from her mother with a smile, thoroughly enjoying her little sister whenever she had to chance.
It was on the way back from the bathroom that Irina happened to glance over at a couple of the monitors as she passed and what she saw made her heart feel as though it had stopped. Two agents with headphones on were watching the tapes of her time in Kashmir, searching for any other recognizable faces, but Irina stood transfixed as the image of her body being stripped and raped played across the monitors.