A/N: Don't own (although I'd love to have my very own Norman Reedus :D) don't sue!
Lyrics are from 'Rain' by Patty Griffin
Rain
Chapter Thirty Five
It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart
Beatin' close to mine
Poundin' up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud
Rain
Daryl stirred uncomfortably, feeling cold air drift across the back of his neck. He blinked, squinting against the grey sunlight. They'd fallen asleep after the third round and his discomfort stemmed from sleeping outside in the dew-damp grass that had seeped into his clothes. Cassidy shifted against him, curling closer to his heat in the cold dawn air. The weak sunrise poured pale light over them, illuminating the glinting red highlights of her hair, the long sooty sweep of lashes against her golden freckled cheeks, her lips slightly pursed as the sun disturbed her sleep. Her vest was pulled up exposing her ribs and stomach and he felt guilt gnaw at him when he saw the pale bruises of his fingers against her tanned skin where he'd clung on to her tightly. He had been rougher than usual last night and she had let him, willingly opening herself up and encouraging him just enough to scorch his pain away. She shivered in her sleep, frowning as another light breeze lifted her hair and scattered strands over her bare shoulders.
"Are you watching me sleep?" Cassidy murmured, her lips scarcely moving.
Daryl scowled, mumbling curses under his breath, embarrassed beyond belief. It was too damn early to try and keep up with her verbally. Cassidy pushed his hair off his forehead, leaning over to prop her chin on his chest. Her wicked green eyes were amused and liquid with affection as she studied him. He knew they needed to move, the slowly rising sun would wake the others and they would panic at their absence. Plus if they didn't move soon they would literally be caught with their pants down. He turned pink at the very idea of being caught in such a vulnerable position. As always Cassidy seemed to read his mind and she laughed at his discomfort. He glared at her and she smiled equably back at him, daring him to comment. Her hair was tousled and loose trailing over her slender shoulders, her eyes bright with trust and desire. Daryl curled a length of her hair around his finger idly as she trailed her fingertips over the trail of honey coloured hair along his navel.
"Let's go, redneck." Cassidy said reluctantly, nipping the planes of his chest with her teeth lightly.
She climbed to her feet, reaching up her arms and stretching up onto her tiptoes to stretch out the kinks in her body. Her tilted back head blocked the sun and turned her into a silhouette, every curve and length of her body displayed before him.
Daryl clambered up to his feet and straightened out his clothing, idly watching as Cassidy coiled her hair into a rough knot on top of her head. She was stunning in the early morning light, her skin glowing and her slim toned body more than evident in the vest top and sweats. Daryl felt something clench in his gut, something warm and alive and humming springing to life in the centre of his ribcage. He felt a thrum of possessiveness coiling around his heart and lungs; something determined to keep her near him whatever the cost. Whatever had happened to take her from him for those few days, he sincerely hoped it never happened again.
They managed to get back inside, up to their private nest and change before the others were really awake. They were both sitting on the metal steps leading down to the main area when the rest of the group gathered sleepily at their feet, still reeling from their collective losses and the absence of Rick. Lochie wandered over to them, scrubbing her eyes sleepily and looking gaunt in her sweats. She looked terrible, her eyes were dark with grief and her skin was paler than ever. She gazed at Cassidy entreatingly and Cassidy cocked her head in a silent no. As far as she knew, Rick was still at the junction north of bat-crap crazy. The group were splitting a meagre breakfast between them, their collective appetites still not what they were. As they murmured early morning greetings and tried to wake themselves up, they congregated at the base of the staircase and peered up at him. They seemed to be waiting for Daryl to give them some sort of instruction and he glanced at Cassidy for guidance. She shrugged, ready to follow his lead. He blinked, worry creasing his face for a moment, then he stood up and stepped down off the stairs into the midst of them. Cassidy took Lochie's arm and drew her away.
"Come on." She said surprisingly gently, leading her away from the others and back towards the bunk she'd been using.
"What?" Lochie asked suspiciously, glancing back over her shoulder to where Daryl was mumbling orders.
Cassidy ignored her, pulling a vest and a pair of leggings out of Lochie's pack by her bed and tossing them to her. Lochie caught them automatically, blinking in confusion down at the clothes bundled in her arms as Cassidy emerged into the hallway beside her again.
"We're going outside, we're sparring and we're yoga-ing."
"Yoga-ing?" Lochie repeated with a snort, drawn out of her quiet sadness just as Cassidy had hoped. "Really? Yoga-ing?"
"Yes." Cassidy said icily with a poisonous glare as Lochie continued to snicker. "No more moping."
Lochie opened her mouth to argue but Cassidy merely smiled sweetly and shoved her unceremoniously into her cell.
"I think I heard a snap." Cassidy grumbled, releasing her pose and putting a hand to the small of her back experimentally.
"Probably your age." Lochie sniggered under her breath, smoothly transitioning into the next stance.
"Excuse me?" Cassidy snapped tetchily.
Lochie ignored her. She knew Cassidy was grumpy from lack of sleep and worry about Daryl traipsing around the prison with amateurs at his back. She didn't take the barbs seriously, in fact she was flattered and touched that Cassidy was choosing to spend time with her over hunting with Daryl. She knew she was worried about her but Lochie was worried sick about Rick. She really was. Inevitably her thoughts strayed to the Sheriff and she glanced up at the looming ugly prison building before them. He was alone in there somewhere with his grief. Alone. She could handle him not coming to her with his grief, it might be awkward after all, just as long as he went to someone and got the help he needed. Her heart ached for him and for Carl, for T-Dog and for Carol. But Cassidy was right, too. Being out in the sun and working her protesting body was doing wonders for her own grief.
She glanced over her shoulder. Cassidy had given up and was sprawled in the grass watching her automatically cycle through the stances and positions as her brain spun. Lochie finished her stance and started her warm-down stretches. Cassidy hated yoga. She could do it and she would do it as part of her work out but she didn't like it. The fact alone that she had offered to spend a few hours doing it with Lochie, showed how worried about her she was.
"You want to spar?" Lochie offered, sitting down in the grass opposite Cassidy.
"In a bit." Cassidy sighed, lying back amongst the grass.
After a moment, Lochie followed suit, leaning her head against Cassidy's legs.
"You think we're going to be okay?" Lochie whispered sadly.
"No idea, kid." Cassidy touched the top of her head lightly, staring up at the dusty grey clouds drifting above them.
She knew for a fact that this group would not survive without their leader. Rick led them and guided them and served as their moral compass. He was needed. Cassidy scrubbed her hands over her face. She knew deep in her bones, in her blood, that if Rick didn't return to the reservation soon, Daryl would find him and drag him out because, as much as she loved him, she knew he didn't have the patience to be a leader. After a few minutes of sitting peacefully, Cassidy nudged Lochie and they climbed to their feet.
"What's going on?" Lochie asked fearfully as they took in the gathered group huddled in a circle in the yard.
Cassidy shook her head, dread swirling in her stomach. They moved closer warily. Cassidy could see Daryl's strong back, the curl of his hair at the nape of his neck. He was tense and alert, every inch of him wired up. They crossed into the yard and Daryl turned immediately, his eyes inscrutable and brilliantly blue.
"Rick's back!" Lochie squealed, darting from Cassidy's side and into the circle.
"The Sheriff's back in town." Cassidy grinned, lifting her eyebrows and pushing her sweating fringe off her forehead.
Daryl was watching her, his face unreadable in the darkening afternoon sun. Daryl was looking right at her, he saw the change as her senses kicked in; saw her muscles tightening, her lips flattening into a tight line. He searched the yard for what had alerted her; saw her gaze riveted on Rick, the Sheriff inching towards the fence. They both saw what Rick was studying at the same time, saw the huddled figure beyond the fence. They reached the fence as she was being dragged in, the discarded bags tossed aside. Rick glanced at Cassidy who immediately retrieved the sword she'd dropped. She followed them into the depths of the prison, passed the stunned fearful faces of their group eyeing the formidable looking sword in her hands warily.
She deposited the sword with their other weapons and retreated to their nest to change. Lochie found her strapping her knives on, tucking a water bottle into her pack. She watched her questioningly.
"Carol's back." She finally said as Cassidy re-braided her hair back from her face.
"I'm checking the perimeter." Cassidy ignored her, tightening the strap on her knife sheath.
"Carol's back." Lochie repeated insistently as Cassidy walked by her, heading for the stairs.
"I don't care." Cassidy tossed over her shoulder, darting down the stairs and passing by the woman in her cage who stared after her curiously.
He found her later, sitting cross-legged on top of the chain link walkway staring out at the green around them. She didn't have her rifle with her and it wasn't her usual spot for keeping watch. She'd wrapped herself in his hideous poncho against the breeze, strands of her hair were lifting gently in the wind. He stood beneath her on the walkway, looking up at her prone profile. She didn't look down at him. He could see the curve of her chin, her high freckled cheekbone and the slightly upturned nose, long eyelashes curving upwards to meet growing bangs. More familiar than his own reflection. He put down his bow and manoeuvred into a sitting position. They sat in silence, Cassidy looking out at the world, and Daryl looking down into the prison yard. Eventually she sighed, rolling over and stretching out on the chain link roof. Her eyes were a brilliant green above him.
"Hi." She murmured, propping her chin on her hands.
Daryl looked at her in silence, perplexed by her mood. It was almost as if she hadn't wanted Carol to come back. She studied him, waiting for what she knew was coming. She'd known it the second she'd spotted what was in that basket. Eventually the unspoken request came as she'd known it would; the explanation of Maggie and Glenn's continued absence, the woman's role in it, Woodbury. The plan. Cassidy listened, her mind running over all the possibilities, all the ways this was going to go wrong. Maggie and Glenn were a part of this group, so was she. There was no denying that by this stage. Daryl wasn't asking her, he was laying it all out in front of her so she could make her own decision. There was no decision. Not now. Probably not ever, as long as she was with this group. She pushed herself up until she was kneeling.
"When do we leave?"
"You don't."
They turned to him simultaneously, two pairs of unreadable eyes meeting his.
"I need you here." Rick wasn't looking at Daryl, he was looking at her with a burning intensity and in a split second she knew he hadn't discussed this with Daryl beforehand. "I can't have all my best people out at once."
Cassidy looked away from him and Daryl could see she was furious. Tired of being the one left behind to clean up the mess if they didn't come back, of the implied responsibility of running this place if they didn't come back. As much as Daryl wanted her at his back when shit went down, he knew he could focus better on his own survival when her life wasn't on the line. Cassidy and Rick made their agreement in silence and Rick glanced briefly at Daryl before he left. Cassidy climbed through a gap in the chain link roof and dropped down into the walkway with him.
"I've got a bad feeling, Dixon." He looked at her, memorising every freckle and every long inky black lash. "Why do I feel like I'm never gonna see you again?"
She felt his hand cupping the back of her neck, his fingers twisting into her hair. He closed the gap between them, his breath warm against her cheek. He didn't bother trying to whisper soothing words to her, trying to convince her that everything would be alright, he didn't even kiss her, he just looked at her as if he were drinking in every millimetre of her face and preserving it for another time.
"They're waiting for you." She murmured, touching her fingertips to his cheek and dancing over his lips.
He nodded, drawing away from her with a last lingering brush of his fingers against the back of her neck.