AN: Here is your tissue WARNING: A portion of this is a deeply emotional chapter. Necessary for understanding, but tragic.

Music for this chapter (on repeat): A Small Measure of Peace by Hans Zimmer, Breathe Me by Sia, Crawling in My Skin by Linkin Park, Malleus Mareficarum by Hans Zimmer, Never Grow Old by The Cranberries

TWENTY-THREE

o

*A Small Measure of Peace (Kashmir Theme)*

Irina had only ever seen the images in her mind, not from such a cinematic prospective watching the Kashmir Files on the computer screen. Tears and old feelings immediately exploding to the surface as she watched the men rape her, cutting back to her facial reactions and then to the screaming prisoners.

"Mom…" Sydney had just left the break room with the baby and the guys when she saw Irina standing completely still behind an agent, her eyes transfixed on the screen.

The closer Sydney got, she realized what exactly Irina was staring at and she quickened her pace. "Mom." She spoke softly and reached out to grab her arm, noticing the far off look in her mother's eyes and the trails of tears falling from her cheeks.

The other agents, including the one sitting at the desk with the headphones, became alerted to the situation and all stood, eyes on Irina.

"Oh shit…I'm so sorry." The young agent scrambled trying to stop the footage and finally the screen went back, bleeping to the screensaver of the CIA logo.

Irina seemed to snap out of wherever she was and looked around to all the people staring at her, sadness in all their eyes…and then if finally registered, they'd all seen that tape, they all knew what happened to her. With blurry, furious, sad eyes she turned to Sydney, looking at her momentarily before she took Lena and headed for Jack's office, the place of privacy they told her she could feed Lena in.

"Mom, wait!" Sydney tried to catch up with Irina's pace without running, everyone including Kendall, watching the display. "Mom, please," Sydney begged with tears in her eyes as Irina paced the back of Jack's office like a caged lion.

"How many people, Sydney?" Her breathing quickened, "How many people out there have seen those tapes?" She asked already knowing in her heart the answer.

"Everyone." Sydney admitted sadly and Irina slumped into Jack's chair, turning it and refusing to look at her oldest daughter as the tears came more steadily. "They're under orders to scan the prisoners for face recognition." Sydney offered up, feeling very much like a little girl who disappointed her mommy and let her down.

"So they just all sit around, watching me naked…being raped and tortured all day?" Irina's voice was cracking and she spoke barely above a whisper.

"No, Mom." Sydney rushed to her mother's side, kneeling in front of her feet, not knowing what else to say.

"I want to see my file, Sydney…and the tapes. Right now." Irina turned her face away from Sydney, too ashamed to look at her. "I want to see what everyone else has apparently seen."

"Mom…" Sydney's voice quivered, not thinking this was a good idea and wishing her father wasn't locked away right now in the middle of an interrogation.

"Right now, Sydney!" Irina's voiced commanded.

Sydney wiped her tears slowly and backed away from her mother, turning to walk out the door she saw Kendall in the doorway, his facial features fallen having heard the exchange. He nodded at Sydney and they went to get the files and tapes.

When they returned minutes later, Irina was nursing Lena and still looking off into space at the wall, anywhere but at them.

*Breathe Me*

Silently, Sydney linked the videos to Jack's computer and set the file in the middle of the desk, intent on staying until Irina spoke.

"Alone please." Irina finally looked at Sydney, "Please?"

The pleading in her eyes too much for Sydney and she reluctantly nodded and left the room closing it behind her.

As soon as the door was closed, Irina stared at the massive folder in front of her. She hesitantly opened to the first page and tears came to her eyes again at seeing her impossibly young, innocent face staring back.

So young and naïve, the KGB had taken her innocence and talents and exploited them. She flipped through the first few pages, pausing to read and scan photographs taken of her during her teenage years without her knowledge. They'd documented everything. She saw the pictures from the academy and her training and then felt her heartstrings tug when she turned the page and Jack's face stared back; her target; her assignment. He man who would forever change the course of her life. She placed a now sleeping Lena in the basket and kissed her daughter softly, reveling in her newness, her innocence and hoping she would keep it as long as possible. She turned the page and saw the first photo of their documented life together.

Irina was shaking already and knew if she was going to get through the file and the tapes…she needed something to calm her nerves. Remembering Jack always kept a bottle of whiskey in his desk drawer at home, she ventured a bet he'd have one at work too. On the second drawer she pulled open, she found it, buried way down at the bottom under a false bottom. Taking off the cap and downing a sizeable swig, she set the bottle down and read on. Her heart growing tighter as she found the picture of a newborn Sydney staring back, the realization that they were documenting her infant daughter as a means of manipulation against Irina if need be. She flipped faster and faster through the file, the anger rising, inside her as each photo passed.

She saw the log kept while she was in Kashmir and took another big swig, feeling her eyes burn as she read the word on the pages. She slammed the file shut and pushed play, bracing herself for the footage to visually play out what was already ingrained forever into her memory.

Everyone outside in the Ops area, staring hopelessly at the closed door of Jack's office for the entire hour and a half she'd been in there, waiting for any signs.

Jack had been interrogating Senator Douglas for the last few hours when he really started to lose his patience with the man. He'd told them what he knew, but Jack still wasn't satisfied.

"What do you think you're doing?" Senator Douglas asked seeing Jack place his hand in a vice. "I've answered all your questions, Bristow!"

"You voted 'yes' on the Patriot Act didn't you, Senator Douglas?" Jack removed his tie and rolled up his sleeves.

"Yes, yes of course I did!" He spat out panicked as Jack twisted one of the man's arms behind his back. "What are you doing? You're insane Bristow!"

"The Patriot Act is supposed to help our country deal with terrorists. You voted on it to protect our citizens and then you went and made deals with a terrorist." Jack seethed in anger.

"You slept with one, impregnating her! I don't think you're in any position to judge me, Bristow!" The man spat out and then winced when Jack continued to pull his arm higher behind his back.

"My wife," Jack emphasized, "Was almost killed by Lethal Injection because of you! Do you know what that felt like for her? For my daughters and I to have to watch as her body filled with poison?" Jack yanked hard, and the Senator screamed, Jack had effectively dislocated and broke the Senator's arm and shoulder.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" The Senator screamed at him as Jack pulled out a syringe.

"Irina said it felt like fire in her veins." Jack stabbed the Senator in the arm with the needle, emptying the syringe. "Does it feel like fire, Senator?"

"Oh…you're crazy!" Senator Douglas winced and squirmed as the potassium coursed through his veins, burning like an inferno inside his body. "You can't do this! It's murder!"

"Yes, a concept you are familiar with." Jack cranked the vice and squeezed the Senator's hand making him scream out in pain. "I've only given you enough to feel the burn, nothing near the dosage they gave my wife." Jack cranked the vice harder as the sounds of bones crunching filled the air. "No, I won't kill you, Senator…but I will guarantee you that I will leave you with a permanent defect," He cranked it further, "As your Execution has left Irina with. Something to remind you daily," And again he cranked it, "As it does her…of your poor choices in life." The Senator screamed as Jack cranked the vice as hard as he could.

"Has anybody gotten word to my dad?" Sydney looked up at the clock, wondering for the millionth time that last hour when her father would hurry up and get up there.

"You know how it works, Syd. Nobody can go in there while he's interrogating." Vaughn looked down at her sadly while she sat staring at the door. "And knowing now that Senator Douglas intentionally planned on murdering your mother, I'm sure your dad's going to be in there awhile."

"Vaughn, did you see her face?" She looked at him with unshed tears. "She never talks about it and to see it like that and realize everyone in the office has seen it. That look on her face like she was in another world, Vaughn, I'm scared for her."

"She'll be ok, Sydney," He knelt in front of her, speaking softly. "She's strong. She's made it through a lot. She'll be ok."

Just as he finished, Irina appeared in the doorway, her facial expression unreadable, a hollowness in her eyes.

Sydney said nothing as Irina walked towards them, waiting for her mother to speak. Irina was remarkably calm and collected as she stood in front of them, keeping her eyes focused only on Sydney, avoiding the looks of everyone else.

"Is your father done yet?" Irina asked quietly, wanting to go home.

"No." Sydney tried not to tear up looking into her mother's eyes.

"Would you mind watching Lena for me? I think I'm going to hit the gym until your father is ready to go? I just fed her, she's sleeping again in your father's office."

"Yeah, of course." Sydney swallowed the lump in her throat seeing her mother pulling away.

"Thank you." Irina reached up to squeeze Sydney's shoulder, trying to comfort her daughter the best she could at the moment.

"Weiss and I are headed down there now. We'll take you." Vaughn looked from Irina to Sydney and nodded.

Weiss, Vaughn and Irina left Sydney standing in Ops, Kendall walking up to stand beside her as she watched them go.

"Did she say anything?" He asked softly when they'd disappeared.

"No. Nothing." Sydney sniffled finally letting the tears go now that her mother was gone. "And that's what scares me."

He wrapped his arm momentarily around her shoulders giving her a squeeze. "She'll work it out, Sydney."

Irina emerged from the locker room, hair in a loose ponytail and in the new workout clothes the CIA wardrobe had given her. Tight black sleeveless tee, black yoga pants and Irina decided to forgo the shoes. Preferring the rawness and grip of bare feet.

Weiss, Marshall and Vaughn already working out as well as a few other agents she'd never seen before.

*Crawling in My Skin*

Slowly she taped her knuckles, concentrating on the tautness instead of acknowledging the people she knew were looking at her.

"I'll hold the bag for you." Vaughn stepped forward, knowing she needed this release and willing to take a beating if necessary. "Go ahead."

Irina began hitting it slowly, rhythmically at first and not too hard, left, right, left, left, left, right, jab, jab, gradually her speed and hardness increased.

Vaughn had his whole body against the bag, trying to steady it and would occasionally let out a, humph as Irina continued beating the stuffing out of the bag.

Angry tears in her eyes and her knuckles bleeding she worked herself into a sweat, as did Vaughn just holding the bag. Twenty minutes of pounding the bag with all she had, fists and legs of fury, Irina's white tape hung, blood red from her fists now, having pounded it off. The bag covered in blood, as well as splatters onto Vaughn's shirt. The others in the gym, watching with sadness, while pretending to keep working out, as Irina fought her imaginary demons to death. Sydney had turned the security monitors to display the gym and watched with tears in her eyes as her mother pummeled the bag with the rage she held inside. Irina landed a right punch to the bag that slipped off the bloody bag and hit Vaughn in the corner of the mouth. Stepping back and breathing heavy, tears streaming down her cheeks as she watched Vaughn wipe the now bloody corner of his mouth.

Vaughn could see she was about to explode and knew she needed to, so he egged her on. He looked her in the eye and walked to the mats, taking a martial arts bo and throwing one to her, as well as one to Weiss.

Irina needed physical contact, fighting hand to hand with someone. She gripped the bow, feeling the blood squish between her fingers as Vaughn took a stance.

"Oh shit!" Sydney watched what was happening from Ops. "I have to get down there, somebody's going to get seriously hurt. Will you watch Lena, please?" She asked Kendall who nodded he would and she tore off the direction of the gym.

"Come on." Vaughn nodded, preparing for Irina's advance, as did Weiss.

She lunged at him and the sound of the bo's cracking rang throughout the gym, everyone stopping to watch as the two men battled Irina. With Irina's aggressiveness, neither man was holding back knowing she was out for blood, not necessarily theirs, but someone's.

Vaughn swung the bo low and Irina jumped over it, shoving her bo backwards to thump Weiss in the chest, knocking him backwards a few steps as he attacked her from behind.

Vaughn rebounded just in time as Irina's bo shot forward and landed just outside his head. He hardly had time to recover before she planted her bo and swung her body around it, kicking the legs out from under him.

Jack appeared from behind the doors to find everyone watching the monitors. Kendall was now holding the baby and Irina and Sydney were nowhere in sight. He looked to the monitors and saw Irina, Weiss and Vaughn pummeling each other with bo's, bloody and looking like all out war.

Weiss attacked her again and their bo's clashed a few times before Irina threw her arm back and nailed him in the nose, a sickening crunch sounded as she'd broken it. To Weiss's credit, he kept fighting and landed a few solid blows to Irina's bo, driving her back towards the wall.

"What the hell is going on?" Jack took the baby from Kendall, eyeing the screen, confused as to what was happening and why Irina looked homicidal as she attacked the other two agents.

"She saw one of the agents working on the tapes from Kashmir and demanded to see them and before you yell at me, there was no stopping her." Kendall swallowed hard seeing Jack's reaction. "She locked herself in your damn office for almost two hours then emerged declaring she wanted to 'hit the gym' until you were finished. She's been beating the shit out of them for the last half hour. Sydney just went down there before she kills one of them."

"My God," Jack looked up just in time to see Irina use the wall and her bo to propel herself up and over the heads of both Vaughn and Weiss coming up behind them and whacking them both across the back.

Vaughn rolled and kicked Irina's legs out from under her, he flipped up off the ground the same time Irina did. He advanced on her and the clashing of the bo's rang out as they dueled for dominance, joined by Weiss driving Irina further back into the other wall.

Suddenly a loud crack rang out as Irina's bo broke in two from the force. She continued to use both pieces to fight off the attackers and kicked Vaughn's bo away right as she did a spin kick that landed right to his chest knocking him backwards. She used both broken pieces against Weiss, now covered in blood running down from his nose. She came flying at him and when she had him against the opposite wall, she swept his legs out from under, scaled the wall above him, flipping backwards and throwing a broken bo piece behind her. Another sickening crack was heard, followed by a thump as Marshall fell over, taking a broken piece right to the nose. Irina looked back briefly to see the other agents helping Marshall out of the gym and prepared for Vaughn's attack. He backed her into a corner, the loud cracking of the bo's and the sounds of their grunts of exertion the only sound as everyone stood paralyzed by the battle going on.

Just as Vaughn was about to attempt another sweep Irina dodged, and cracked him across the side of the face. He fell to the side with the force of the blow and Irina stood over him panting, eyeing Weiss who was trying to recover and blowing blood out of his nose.

Looking like gladiators after battle, all of them covered in each other's blood, Irina turned and met Sydney's tear filled eyes, Jack entering just behind her with the baby, now the only spectators in the room besides Weiss and Vaughn.

"Mom…" Sydney spoke slowly, voice quivering, as the fire in Irina's eyes still raged, afraid to approach her mother she moved towards her slowly.

*Malleus Mareficarum*

Irina saw the fear of her in her daughter's eyes and her exterior crumbled. She slowly slid to the floor, her tears coming faster and faster as silent sobs wracked her body. Sydney crumbled along side her and pulled her mother into her embrace, remembering now, the last time she'd seen her mother breakdown like this was after learning the news of her grandmother's execution right before she was extracted.

"It's ok." Sydney pulled Irina closer as sobs wracked her body, crying equally into her mother's hair as they sat on the mats on the floor of the gym. "It's not your fault. It's ok, Mom, let it out." She looked over her mother's shoulder to her father crying as well. Vaughn and Weiss both with tears in their eyes seeing Irina finally crumble.

"That's enough, turn it off." Kendall waved with glistening eyes, wanting to give them some privacy and not have the entire Ops floor witnessing Irina breaking down.

Jack walked over slowly and knelt beside them with the baby, doing his best to wrap his arms around all three of them. They held each other like that until Irina's sobs had subsided.

"Let's go home." Jack kissed her head and cheeks, palming her cheek and forcing her to look at him. "The time has come, Irina." He looked deep into her eyes and she nodded slowly, knowing that she would have to tell them now about what happened. Jack handed her the baby, Lena's beautiful white outfit, now covered with drops of her mother's blood.

Jack helped both Irina and Sydney to stand, looking over at Vaughn and Weiss who were battered and bleeding. He nodded, giving his silent thanks and appreciation for what they'd done for Irina. He wrapped his arm around Irina and Sydney took her hand as they left the building.

"Let's get you to the hospital." Vaughn threw his arm around Weiss's shoulders and winced as he grabbed his ribs; sore and bruised from where Irina had landed a solid hit with the bo.

Irina had showered and now sat curled up on the sofa with a blanket in front of the fire watching the flames lick the stones, lost in complete thought as she waited for Sydney and Jack to finish in the kitchen.

They'd come home in complete silence and Jack had made Irina some peanut butter and jelly toast, setting it with orange juice and her insulin on a tray on their bed while she showered, knowing after that exhausting battle her sugar would need a boost.

He left her alone to eat, inject and change, giving her some time to regroup before she met them downstairs.

Jack entered the living room, carrying the baby also freshly bathed and now asleep, and rolls of gauze and tape to bandage Irina's hands. He gave her a small smile as he laid the baby in Irina's lap, her knees bent, propping the baby up so she could look at her.

Irina ran her fingers over her daughter's tiny features continuously marveled by her and Jack was relieved to see her crack a small smile as Lena's arms shot out in her sleep, stretching.

Jack kneeled in front of her, gently taking one hand; her knuckles, raw, bloody and already swollen and bruising he squirted antiseptic on the cuts and immediately blew air softy across them to lessen the sting. He looked up and met her adoring eyes, smiling softy as he continued to wrap her hand in gauze and tape it before starting the other.

"Here Mom." Sydney handed her steaming cup of tea as she took the chair next to Irina when Jack had finished.

"Thank you, Sweetheart." Irina gave her a small smile as tears already began forming in her eyes, knowing what she was about to tell them.

Holding onto Lena's tiny hand for strength as she stared at the innocent baby in her lap, she asked softly, "Where do you want me to start?"

*A Small Measure of Peace*

"I mean you already know a great deal of it from the tapes." Irina reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes, focusing on the sleeping baby rather then looking them in the eye. She really didn't want them to hear this, especially Sydney. But both she and Jack realized, leaving Sydney out of this conversation would only increase her curiosity, knowing she'd try to find out on her own and undoubtedly get herself into trouble. Sydney had already known so much; she might as well know the rest of the truth, the whole truth. No more secrets in their family. She was no longer a child. She was an adult, one who had already dealt with so much in her young life. She could handle this. They would handle this as a family.

"Yes." Jack answered softly, wanting so badly to take her in his arms but knowing he needed to giver her the space to do this. "Why don't you tell us about Cuvee?" He swallowed hard remembering her screaming out her promise to kill him. "There isn't anything of what he did to you privately on those tapes. But I know, it's him who haunts your dreams." He paused to look at her and then to Sydney who also had tears in her eyes. "The other night, you promised to kill him in your sleep, Irina. What was he doing to you?"

"Jack," She sighed and started crying harder, trying to stay in control. "If I tell you and Sydney…" She shook her head no at the thought of what would happen.

"We'll still be here." Jack leaned over and took her hand. "We're not going anywhere. Irina, you aren't to blame for what happened to you. Why can't you see that?" His eyes got blurry with unshed tears. "Please Honey, just tell us."

Irina was quiet a moment as she calmed herself.

"About two days after the first time…the first time," She struggled to admit out loud what they'd done, for the first time ever, to anyone, "they raped me," she finally spat out and tried to control her shaking body as Sydney fought to control her crying, seeing her mother and hearing her admit it out loud. "Gerard ordered the guards to…to bring me into his office." She closed her eyes as tears slipped under her lashes, trying to shake the mental image, "He had a metal bed in there…and he had them cuff me to it. Hands above my head feet spread to opposite ends." Her breath caught as she tried to focus. "He used a knife and cut down the center of my clothes tearing them off. And then he," She swallowed hard, "Raped me telling me that I was secretly begging him for it." She paused, "When he was finished, he lit a cigar and left me naked on the bed while he told me about what was happening with you that you'd been taken away to prison as well and Sydney was all alone." She reached up to wipe her cheeks from the continuous flow of tears.

"He drank a little and then walked over and put his cigar out here," She lifted her arm to expose a round circular scar near the beginning of her armpit. "And then he raped me again. When he was finished he let his officers in to have a round with me." She was quiet a moment. "They'd taken me back to my cell and left me naked for the night. He'd have them come get me three or four nights a week regularly after that he started to get creative and had special…" She paused as the overwhelming images assaulted her memory, trying to hold her sob, "He had special hooks and brackets put in his office so that he could have me standing against the wall or lying face down on his desk." She tried to swallow, finding it dry. "Always when he was finished he would light a cigar and drink while he watched his officers have a turn all of them laughing and joking about it. The nights he didn't call for me the officers would come to my cell. I tried to fight them off many times but they'd always end up injecting me with a paralyzing drug and take turns raping me again and again and again…" She cried and blinked back her tears. "Our baby," She began, as the tears poured down her cheeks, "Was not the only time I was pregnant while I was in prison." She choked back, as a stunned Sydney looked to Jack, who felt his heart equally stop at Irina's admission she was pregnant from rape.

"I was actually pregnant six other times that I know of besides our child." She admitted and Sydney looked horrified to her father. "The dream that I was having the other night… I was in his office again and he'd just finished raping me on the bed. He noticed that my abdomen was round and firm again that I was pregnant again and he kissed my belly, asking God to Bless the child if it was his," She ran her fingers down Lena's little arm. "And I knew what he was going to do because he'd done it all the other times and I didn't cry or beg him not to. I just got up and got dressed, the guards cuffed me and dragged me to the stair's landing." She looked sadly at the baby in her arms and her voice began to quiver. "I just stood there, waiting…waiting for Gerard to give the order…waiting…and then it came and I felt the foot to my back…and then I was falling. As soon as I hit the bottom the cramping began and I again waited…waited for them to come and finish it…kicking the 'life' out of me."

Sydney had to cover her mouth from letting her sob escape at the horror.

Irina sobbed, "I felt guilty for wanting to rid any evidence of their actions but none of us knew who fathered those babies. I was being raped forty or more times a week by at least eight different men daily." She admitted and Jack and Sydney both did the quick mental calculations in their heads. Irina had been raped, not hundreds of times liked they'd feared over the course of the year and a half, but thousands. Well over three thousand by the time she'd gotten out nearly two years later.

"Gerard would always stand at the top watching until I passed out. I would wake up on the floor of my cell covered in my own blood with various broken and dislocated bones from the fall. The intense cramping reminding me of what I'd let them do to me!" She angrily wiped her tears away, "What I wanted them to do." She paused momentarily to control a sob and take a breath, "They would give me a couple of days and then it'd start all over, warning me not to get pregnant again. Yelling at me that I was a 'fertile bitch' while the guards raped me and he laughed."

Jack felt the knots in his stomach rise into his throat, remembering Cuvee's message to Irina in the flowers, 'you always were a fertile bitch.' Reminding her of the times she'd been pregnant in prison, the result of gang rape.

"Once I was put in solitary," she started again, "then they would come to me, raping me in the darkness of that cell." She swallowed, closing her eyes and blinking as more tears fell. "Once I was released and put into reconditioning," She started sobbing and her body began to shake violently, "I did whatever he wanted. I did whatever he wanted. I gave myself to him willingly. I just wanted it to be over. I'm so sorry, Jack." She sobbed and Jack flew to her side as sobs wracked her body, "I'm so sorry."

"Irina," He cried pulling her into his arms and rocking with her slowly, "You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong." He cried, and the tears fell down his cheeks, into her hair. "You didn't do anything wrong." He repeated hoping she would believe it. "You did what you had to do. I love you, Irina. I love you." He reached behind him with one arm and pulled Sydney by the hand into the embrace, hearing her sobbing behind him and knowing this was a monumental family moment, they all needed each other.

"I'm going to find and kill every one of them." Sydney sobbed angrily brushing the tears away when they pulled apart moments later.

"No, Sydney!" Irina reached out to grab her daughter's hand, adding softly, "I already found and killed every one of those men who raped me." She admitted to surprised and not so surprised Sydney and Jack, who completely understood her reasoning. "Except Gerard and you promised me you would leave him to me. Sydney, please. If he ever caught you the thought of what he'd do…" Irina's eyes filled with tears again and she bit back a sob as she pulled Sydney into her again. "Please Sweetheart, I want you to stay away from him. I will deal with him."

Jack wholeheartedly agreed with Irina on this one now, after hearing how vicious the man really was. The thought of Sydney being in Irina's position was too much. He didn't want Sydney to be there, when they found Cuvee but he sure the hell was going to be. If Irina wanted to be the one to kill him, fine by him. She deserved to a million times over, but he'd be damned if he ever left that man alone with his wife ever again, hearing what he'd done to her time and time again.

"Promise me, Sydney?" Irina pulled her daughter's face back to look in her eyes.

"Ok Mom, I promise." Sydney sniffled seeing the same fear in her mother's eyes now, as she did that night in Moscow when Cuvee suggested he use her, Sydney, in treatments against her mother. "I promise."

"Do you feel any better?" Jack brushed the hair behind Irina's ear when they'd all calmed down.

"Yes, I guess so. It feels good to tell somebody." She smiled sadly, as tears started pooling in her eyes again.

"Thank you, for telling us." Jack brushed his hand over her cheek, looking deeply into her eyes, knowing now, why it was so hard for her to talk about it. "I love you, Irina no matter what, I love you." He linked their fingers and kissed her hand. "You'll have to have this looked at tomorrow." Jack tenderly touched her hand that had been recovering from surgery, now swollen and bleeding.

"It's fine, Jack," Irina smiled at him softly, seeing the concern in his eyes. "Just a little stiff, but I don't think I tore anything." Her hand had been healing fairly well since the surgery to repair her tight tendons; she'd regained the movement of her fingers and some of the feeling in the tips of her fingers. Hitting the bag probably wasn't the best thing for it.

"I don't think it would hurt to have it looked at." Jack gave her a knowing look, trying to break through her stubbornness. "Just to make sure."

"Ok, fine." She relented, giving in, realizing that he was right.

Irina, Jack and the baby had spent the remainder of the evening at home in front of the fire, listening to soft music and just enjoying each other's company, while Sydney had gone over to Vaughn's, telling them she'd be back in the morning to help finish Lena's nursery.

Sydney found Vaughn and Eric both, at Vaughn's house, licking their wounds from the ass whooping Irina had given them, and thanked them both profusely before breaking down, sobbing. She had been fairly brave in front of her mother but the enormity of everything Irina had told them finally too much and she had to talk about it with someone.

Vaughn held her and convinced her that she needed to talk about it so Sydney began telling them what happened with her mother, crying and shaking all over again, as she recanted the terror Irina faced in Kashmir that wasn't on the tapes.

Jack and Irina had gone to the doctor early in the morning to have Irina's hand checked out and it was 'ok.' Sydney had returned in the late morning to her parent's house as promised.

Irina had answered the door, smiling and pulled her oldest daughter into her arms, holding her just a second longer then necessary and wished her a 'good morning.'

They'd painted the old guest room, now Lena's room, yellow with white trim that matched the new white furniture Irina had ordered from the Pottery Barn perfectly. Irina wanted the room to be bright with color and Sydney had been the one who found the perfect bedding and curtains that now adorned the room.

*Never Grow Old*

"It's all done." Sydney had just finished hanging the mobile above the crib when she looked over to her mother sitting in the picture window, leafing through various children's books that had been Sydney's as a child, a small smile on Irina's face as she remembered reading them many times to Sydney.

Irina looked up from the pages, closed the book and smiled as she looked around the room and then landed on Sydney.

"Thank you." She stood pulling her daughter into her arms, holding her from behind; she rested her chin on Sydney's shoulder as they stood looking around the finished room together. "Where did your father go?" She asked after a moment of silence.

"He went to get the camera." Sydney started to giggle thinking about how 'giddy' her father had been all day.

"Oh Jack." Irina giggled with her, shaking her head. "Your father did the same thing when we finished your nursery. I was enormously pregnant at the time and he kept making me pose with every stuffed animal, then in front of your crib, the window…everything, he was driving me mad! Then when we brought you home from the hospital, we had to pose all over again." She laughed at the memory just as Jack made his way into the room carrying Lena and camera in hand.

Seeing the look Irina was giving him and shaking her head, he tried to defend himself knowing what she was thinking about.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad!" He kneeled in front of the rocking chair, setting the camera on the floor and then gently laid a sleeping Lena on a propped pillow. "I remember making you laugh on more then one occasion that day." He smiled smugly, picking up his camera and taking a step back.

"Yes, but I wasn't laughing with you. I was laughing at you!" Irina laughed, as did Sydney when Jack made a face and continued with his mission of getting the perfect shot.

Irina linked her arm with Sydney's as the two stood watching Jack, Sydney completely fascinated watching her father, never having seen him like this before.

"Oh just take the picture, Jack!" Irina laughed as he moved the camera and himself, continuously searching for the right shot.

"I'm not listening to you." Jack replied from behind the camera in a dead serious tone, earning him a laugh out of both women. He finally snapped a series of pictures and beamed proudly. "You laugh, but I've taken some pretty great photos of you and Sydney if you'll recall." He raised his eyebrow, challenging her, while he picked up the baby.

Irina nodded, he had indeed. One of those being the one she cherished most, the one that had some how found its way into her KGB file. She mentally shook the thought from her head. 'Not today.' She sighed to herself, not wanting to ruin the day with thoughts of her former job.

Instead she replied with, "Yes Jack, you're an artistic genius." She winked, enjoying teasing him once more as she reached for the baby. "Let's get something to eat." She smiled, nuzzling the baby's head, making her way towards the door, heading downstairs.

Jack and Sydney stood together watching as she disappeared with the baby. Jack wrapped his arm around Sydney's shoulder, smiled at her and pulled her head to his lips, kissing her softy in the hair.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"For what?" Sydney asked unsure as they walked out into the hall.

"For being you. For being here." He admitted shyly.

"Okay..." Sydney giggled. "You're really happy aren't you?" She asked having never seen her father so happy in all her life, so at ease.

"Yes." He admitted, pulling her closer to him as they walked. "I think I've finally gotten my soul back." He turned his head to look at her with a small smile at Sydney's sharp intake of breath.

"I'm glad." She answered in all seriousness.