Disclaimer: I still own nothing.

His doorbell rang and he knew it was Jordan.

"Hey!" he said giving her a kiss on the cheek – which was her first warning sign.

"Before we head out can we talk for a minute," he asked.

"Sure," he is going to end whatever this was, she thought.

"How is counter terrorism going?"

"I didn't realize how much I missed them till I was back—it does feel good to be back."

"Are you thirsty?" he asked

"No" she replied

He grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and met her in the living room.

"So," he began "I know we have been trying to move what have forward, but I just don't think I'm ready."

"I know—" she said, "You haven't gotten over Penelope"

He was surprised by her response.

"– It doesn't take a profiler to see that. I knew in Tennessee, that this was inevitable—You really love her don't you?"

"Yes, I do—I am sorry I took the long road to see that – friends?

She nodded and then replied, "So you want to head out for that run now?" she asked

"Sure, do." he said and he gave her that signature Derek Morgan smile that made her heart flutter.

He went to work early on Monday and stalked Hotch from the kitchen. As soon as his office light was on Derek was there knocking on his door.

"Hotch, can I have a minute," he asked as he closed his office door.

"I've been thinking about what you said to me on the compound and you were right and now, I need your help."

"Right about what" Hotch asked emotionlessly

"Right about Penelope and I."

"Oh, so what do you need?" Hotch asked with a small smile.

"Ok, I was thinking that you could assign Penelope and I a project. Maybe we could - close out all the pending paper work the team has. We can work on it after hours for like 2 weeks. In essence, it is a win-win for you—Our department will be current on all reports and you know that you have a pro closing them out."

"So your plan is to bore her back into love with you—genius, I'm in." he said with a smile.

Well, his original plan was just to get her alone and remind her of the fun, love, and friendship they had for each other but the project came and went too quickly- Penelope was just different. They slowly went back to their flirty banter but it was different, she was always preoccupied and when they were alone working on the paperwork she put on her headphones and zoned out. She was resistant to all of his signature charms and moves. He thought for a moment that maybe she met someone—see, she had a secret dinner one night and couldn't work, and he saw her changing into a super conservative outfit. He wanted to follow her but he knew he needed to have faith, faith that they belonged together.

He thought winning her back would be easier—like in those romantic comedies where boy meets girl, boy loses, girl, and boy wins her back. In the movies, he can always win her back in what seemed like 15 minutes but in real life—it has been 2 weeks and 4 days and he wasn't any closer than before Operation Penelope started. They almost kissed one night in the office, he saw a flash of the heat they'd share in her eyes and then it was gone as quickly as it came. He couldn't figure out how to get her to love him again. This was new territory for him and for the first time in his life he was failing

Ring—his cell phone jolts him out of his thoughts.

"Hi Mom!"

"Hey baby – how are things in the land of FBI?"

"Good" he said trying to sound perky as he continued. "We finished a hard case last Thursday and Penelope is coming over and we are wrapping up our project tonight."

"How is Operation Penelope going?" – his Fran asked with a slight chuckle in her voice.

"Horrible," he sighed as he sat down on a stool in the kitchen. "She won't let me in—it's like we take a step forward to take two steps back. We joke around, we flirt, but she won't forgive me."

"Have you asked her?" his Fran asked

"What do you mean?"

"Have you tried having an heart to heart and laying it all out?" Fran continued, "Once your father and I went through a rough patch and I was going to head back to your grandmother's house for a bit. It was before you were born. I didn't think we were going to make it—the force kept him away from home and when he was home—it was as if he wasn't. As I was packing up our stuff, he came home early and said he wanted to have a Morgan Family Huddle. You know we still do that to this day." She said smiling at that memory. "There we were holding each other's shoulders looking at our feet and we discuss our frustration, love, hate – everything baby. Once we had that heart to heart we were able to go forward."

"Mom," he said with a slight whine in his voice. "You guys were married. You had vows."

"Derek what do you expect—she loved you and you broke up with her and now you expect her to know from osmosis that you want to get back together. Son, you've always protect your heart to a fault and maybe it is because you saw your father die in front of you or because I couldn't protect you from Carl Buford – but you have to let someone in baby – you have to take a risk."

"Mom, please I don-"

"No, let me finish. In the beginning, you chose her because she allowed you to compartmentalize who you were. You wanted to fix her and heal her—but she did that all by herself, son and you were left with the knowledge that she just loved you - Derek Anthony Morgan. She loves you—yes, we all have a past but when her past came for a visit – you ran. Because how could she love you… really, right? Nevertheless, she does and now you have to fix it but you can't – because it isn't her that needs fixing. You need her to fix you—your broken heart."

Derek walks to the door and rings his doorbell.

"Thank god. I'm saved by the bell. I have to go."

"Wait- how did the Jambalaya come out?"

"Good—I really have to go."

As he hung up the phone – he cried. He cried because he realized that he needed the fixing.

Hours later, she arrived at his door. She is wearing a black cashmere sweater, burnt orange corduroy skirt, and brown riding boots—if she knew she was going to be out all day she would have worn tights; her legs are covered in goose bumps. She brought her computer and the last box of files. She was starving, because she and Jax got lost in rural Virginia and she arrived a few hours late.

"Sorry I'm late. Jax and I got lost."

"Let me take that." he said reaching for her box, "I've been cranking them out, in your absence- follow me," he said leading her to a clusterfuck of papers in the living room.

"I can't believe summer is over – I am so cold today. I forgot to wear a jacket," she continued, "Before we start can we eat—I know you never have any food, so can we order."

"Actually, I was making dinner, Ms. Know It All" he said as he tapped her nose.

"Really? I didn't know you could cook. I mean -you only make breakfast but that's easy-" She said teasingly as she walked into the kitchen and started snooping. "What are you making, hot stuff?"

"Morgan's Famous Jambalaya"

"It smells great. Is this the treatment all the special ladies get?"

"Nope, just you" he said staring at her with a sexy smirk. It kind of rattled her so she prattled on "Jackson kept me out all day and we never ate anything besides froyo - we were on the search for an antique for his mother's birthday"

She looked into the pan and he asked, "You wanna try it? "He said offering her a bite on a spoon.

"No."

"Come on, it's Mama Morgan's secret recipe"

She opened her mouth and he fed her—she held his gaze as he put it in her mouth. A piece of rice hung from the side of her mouth and she grabbed it with her tongue. He was convinced that was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.

"That is pretty damn good," she said "I think I may go to Nawlins this winter. I feel like I've been obsessed with that place since Jazz Fest."

"You had a good time?"

"No—not a good time—an amazing time." She said with a big smile. "So what can I do or should I work till dinner is done?"

"You could open up the wine and keep me company."

"Sure," she grabbed the wine corkscrew from drawer and wine glasses from the cabinet. "So, tell me about the festival?" they descended into small talk, until dinner was ready. Penelope set the table as Morgan served the food.

"I kinda drank most of the wine – can I open another one?

"Sure, more wine is in the last the last cabinet."

As opened the cabinet, she saw a paper cup—the paper cup she gave him the morning of their break-up. It was there with all of her spices. It was as if she still lived here, which was weird – but then she remembered that she didn't chuck his stuff either, actually, she still slept with his T-shirt even though the smell of him has faded. She knew why she had his shirt but why did he save her cup?

As she sat down, she took in the moment – he made her dinner, they talked and drank wine—he was charming and gorgeous per his usual status. Tonight felt like a date—it felt so warm and familiar. I mean, if we stayed together would our nights have been like this, she wondered. She just loved being around him but she always had to remind herself that his niceties, flirtations, and looks – were just who he was. She fooled herself once thinking that it was real, never again she thought. For her mind to even go there she must've had too much wine or something.

"Penelope?"

"Earth to Penelope?" he said as he touched her knee.

"I'm sorry – what were you saying?"

They talked like old friends through the delicious meal. When they were done eating, Penelope started to clear the table.

"I got it" Derek said

"No remember, the rule who ever cooks doesn't," she stopped mid-sentence remembering that was one of their rules – for when they were going to move in together. This house is filled with too many memories, for her—too many good memories.

"Y'know what, you can do the dishes and I can start working." She said as she placed the dish in front of him and walked away.

And the wall was back up Derek thought; maybe his mom was right maybe he needed to lay out everything. Maybe that was the only way to reach her.

She sat down at the coffee table in the living room where Derek had all of the work spread out and dug in. Derek sat next to her and they powered through the files, and they were done in 3 hours.

"So we're done – Eat that Hotch!" She said with a laugh as she stretched. She arched her back like a cat against the seat of the couch. Even though she is skinner, she still had the curves that he loved. Her breast and hips seemed the same size but her legs were smaller and stomach flatter. He could admire her body all day he thought

She raised her wine glass for a toast. He toasted her and they took a sip

"That was worse than grading thesis papers— I really hate paperwork which is why I always made my students do final projects."

"Who are you telling? I only chip in with the paperwork because I want Hotch to spend more time with Jack. But this project took the cake"

She rose to her knees and started organizing the paper and the folders.

He took he hand and said, "Relax Garcia, the paper isn't going anywhere."

She sat back down, took a sip of her wine, and placed the glass on the table

She turned to him; he was looking at her with such intensity that it unnerved her. She sighed and thought will I ever get over him. "I should head home"

He looked at her face and started to play in tips of her hair.

"Why" he asked.

When she repeated the question, he kissed her. He kisses her gently as if he had all night to savor the taste of her. He moved closer to her so he could play in her hair as he continued this leisurely kiss. She inched closer to him returning his kiss. He then kissed her jaw line and neck as his hands explored her legs. His slow kisses became hungrier as his hand crawls up her skirt. Her thighs feel so soft and plush. He caresses her thighs and pulls her closer to him. They were kneeling facing each other he took her hair down and kissed her again a leisurely sensual kiss; she started pulling up his shirt and kissed him harder. She nibbled on his bottom lip and then broke away to pull the shirt above his head.

"Are you sure?" she asked him looking into his eyes

"Yes," he said intensely.

Ok, only for tonight she said as she took off her shirt and returned to kiss him. She put her arms around his neck pressed her body against his as she kissed his neck and shoulders.

When he heard her utter the rule- he stopped her and told her "I don't want this to be a one night thing, Penelope."

"I don't understand," she said as she sat back on her heels. "I thought you wanted to," she said as she reached for her sweater.

"I do - I know fucked up our relationship but I want us to start over or continue – I want to be with you and only you Penelope you make life exciting to live and I can't imagine you not in my life."

"Are you saying this because of Tennessee - relationships based on intense experiences never work—I mean I know we had something before but –guilt"

"Did you just quote Speed, baby girl?" He smiled as he watched the wheels in her head spin. He saw the love in her eyes and he was hopeful that maybe they could, and then without so much as a blink – it was gone and replaced with a higher wall.

"Hey, hey" he said finding her eyes again trying to bring back what was just there, "I love you Penelope Garcia—I truly love you and I don't want to do this unless you love me too."

"Derek, I can't—" she said in a whisper "you can't do this to me again and I won't let you. Too much has happened and I just don't feel—" she looked into his eyes and "the same way anymore. I loved you and I'll always love you, Derek." she paused and with frustration she said, "What I am supposed to do with this love you feel for me." She said growing angry "where was this love when you were with Jordan? Where was this love when you broke my heart? Now that I am fine—no more than fine you want to talk about love – like it's something that falls from the sky at random, Love is -"

She grabbed her sweater from him and began to rise and he stopped her.

"I never stopped loving you Penelope"

She laughed through her tears "well if this love—I don't want it."

"Baby Girl, all I ever wanted was you – and yes Jackson, made me into an idiot. No," he corrected himself "I became an idiot because – all I could see is how I didn't fit into your world. I come from a place of hurt—and I don't know how to trust people. My therapist was so happy that I met a person that I wanted to build with. Carl took so much from me and it took so much for me to get to here with you that I was scared. I was searching for the other shoe to drop but it never came—so I invented it."

"Who is Carl?"

"Carl Buford, molested me when I was younger. He took away my trust and hope for normalcy. I used to think he made me the man I am today because I am here in the FBI and making sure what happened to me didn't happen to anyone else but in reality he shaped me into being a shell of a man – always afraid of being happy. Afraid of having a family. Because how could I protect them—when I couldn't protect myself?"

"Then you came along and you didn't need me to save you like Tamara or you didn't have a vision of something I couldn't give you like Jordan. You wanted me for me. You loved me for me—but I knew you were holding back something and I thought I met him in the office that day—Jackson."

"Derek, I didn't know about Carl," she said as she reached for his hand.

"I don't want your sympathy Penelope." He said pulling back, "I realized that morning on my porch, that you fixed me in a way that my mom prayed about. You healed my heart and made me believe that I could be a whole man—and then you were gone because on some level I still don't believe I deserve you."

"But I do—I deserve to be happy and have sunshine in my days and that is you."

He said with a smile as a tear came down his cheek.

"Baby Girl, give me a chance to earn back your love. I promise you, I will to spend the rest of my life making you happy" he said as he kissed her tears. "Please Penelope" he said as he kissed her.

"Derek, I" he kissed her and quieted her mind, hear and soul. They made love.

She woke up the and immediately felt guilty. As she thought about last night—she realized she couldn't do this again – she couldn't give him what he needed. He smelt like home to her and she wasn't going to be at the BAU for much longer. She smelt his pillow one last time and started to cry. Hardest thing to do is to let go, but she had to.

"Have you checked your messages?" she asked coming down the stairs.

He noticed that she was fully dressed and ready to go.

"Rossi invited us to a fancy party at his house tonight- dinner jackets and cocktail dresses"

"Can you stay for breakfast?"

She looked at her phone and she shook her head, "Derek, I shouldn't have stayed last night. I love you and yes, I always will, but I'm not staying here and I don't know what possible Happily Ever After we can have. You need – you deserve some one—I can't be anymore. When we broke up, I became a person I didn't recognize and Spence put me back together. He healed me and made me a priority - before you jump to an irrational conclusion—no, it isn't romantic but during that process—I learned to put myself first. You didn't jump to those conclusions all on your own—I put Jackson ahead of you because we had a history and I knew him. I also thought what we had was unbreakable—if I knew then what I know now. I would have done everything differently and maybe we would have never broken up. But I can't rewrite history and for the first time in my life – I am putting what I want and need first."

"MIT has an opening in their computer science/robotics department and I'm a contender. Actually, it's my dream and I'm their number one choice—or so I've heard. I love you but I'm just not ready—you know," she said looking up to the ceiling. "It is unfair of me to want what I want. Yes, I want my last two months here to be magical and I want us to be in love like before – but I am leaving and I don't know what the future holds."

"I'll wait for you"—he said

"I don't think – I'll ever be ready for us part two, D. I'm sorry." She said biting her lip

"But I love you Penelope—I know we"

"Please stop saying that"

"I love you"

"Derek you can love me all you want but the girl who was on your steps begging you to love her is gone. She's leaving"

"Well then who stayed here last night—because she seemed pretty alive to me" he snapped. "Wait, I'm sorry about that—I didn't mean—"

"I don't want to fight and I don't want us to hurt anymore," she said, "let's just enjoy today."

"Just think about it" he countered, "and I wont pressure you. But you are going to stay for breakfast because you're getting too skinny." He teased.

"I'm not getting too skinny—" she said as he hit him with her hips, she kissed him.

"MIT, huh" he asked "that is beyond impressive my little brainiac"

"What does the position involve?"

As they descended into conversation – they both chose to ignore the elephant in the room—and it felt good to be in the rays of each other's love.

So this was the hardest chapter to write- an insecure Derek is hard to write.

Thank you for your reviews