AN: This chapter has amazingly beautiful awesome music. They all do, IMO, but this one really strikes a chord. Music for this chapter (on repeat): Jealous by Sinead O'Connor, I Like the Way You Move by Outkast, Cry Me a River by Justin Timberlake, #1 Crush by Garbage, So Cold (The Good Wife Trailer version) Ben Cocks, Secret Garden by Bryan Adams
TWENTY-FIVE
o
*Jealous*
Irina was standing in her black bra and underwear in front of a full-length mirror, fastening her earring to her ear when Jack barged through the door, their eyes meeting in the reflection. He didn't bother shutting the door as he stood in the doorway looking at her as she moved to her closet and pulled a three-quarters length, strapless black dress from the hanger.
"I'm going with you." He said resolutely watching as she stepped into the silky black fabric and shimmied it up her body, over her hips with a high slit just over her right leg exposing what Jack deemed a 'dangerous amount' of her thigh.
"No. You're not." Irina ran her palms calmly over the fabric, smoothing the wrinkles, her back still facing Jack.
"Yes. I am." He took a step closer, the volume of his voice increasing.
"Jack, don't argue with me on this. Please?" She sighed frustrated as she sat on the corner of the bed, slipping her feet into her high heels. "If you'd calm down, you'd realize I'm right. I need to do this my way."
"Calm down? Calm down?" He put his hands on his hips and shifted his weight before throwing his arm back, throwing his jacket in disgust and anger knocking over a glass figurine on her dresser and sending it crashing to the floor. "How the hell can you sit there so calmly asking me to 'calm down' when you're getting ready to go out and… and 'God knows what' with this man you've obviously slept with before! Had a relationship with! I'm not about to sit here and let you…let you-" He caught the words on his tongue but the fire in her eyes let him know it was too late.
"Let me what, Jack?" Irina rose furiously off the bed. "Let me 'whore myself out'…isn't that what you were about to say, Jack?"
"Irina that's not-" Jack noticed the tears forming her eyes and tried lamely to deflect the truth as he took a step closer.
"Just... Stop." She put her hand out to stop him and looked away attempting to hide her unshed tears and took a step away from him grabbing her purse and side stepping him to get through the door.
The crunch of shattered glass under her feet spurring Jack from his daze at what just transpired.
"Irina!" Jack called after her, chasing her as she bound down the steps and into the kitchen where the other three remained frozen in place having heard the entire conversation and shattering glass. "Irina, Look at me…please?" Jack called again, stopping on the opposite side of the kitchen, glancing briefly at the others in the room.
"Sydney could you please?" Irina turned her back to Sydney once again to have her daughter zip up her dress, ignoring Jack.
"Irina!" Jack shouted, his anger rising as the situation was rapidly going out of control.
"Jack, I'm not having this conversation with you now." She shook her head and made her way to the refrigerator where she grabbed her insulin and supplies.
"Yes. We are." Jack walked quickly around the counter towards her and stopped just short of contact when she gave him a warning glare and given that she still held the sharp needle in her hand like a weapon, he proceeded cautiously. "Irina, why didn't you tell me 'before' all of this what your relationship was with this man?"
"What difference would it have made, Jack?" She bit the cap off the needle and jammed it into her arm with such force it made them all flinch. There would definitely be a bruise there tomorrow.
"It would have made all the difference!" Jack took his chances and edged closer, the anger in his voice rising.
"Oh bullshit, Jack!" She threw the empty syringe onto the counter. "You knew before we left what my relationship with Dubey had been, even if I didn't spell it out! We're here because you know as well as I do, that he has the information we need."
"Had been." Jack repeated choosing to concentrate on that particular part of the sentence.
"Yes, 'had been' as in past tense. He's in the past." Irina rolled her eyes. "You're my past…but also my present and future."
"Well, he sure as hell isn't in the past, Irina! He's right here! Right now with his giant hands and muscles all over you, just frothing at the mouth to get you in the sack again!"
"Jack, if you weren't so jealous," She moved to the opposite side of the kitchen island again. "You'd realize how ridiculous you sound! I have a past! Yes, more then half of my life was spent without you! Years before I met you, years after I thought I'd lost you forever… You don't know how hard it was to be alone without you…wanting you like I do… and… I'm sorry that you're hurt by this really I am." Her tone softened as she went on even if her posture did not. "But are you really going to keep punishing me every time something from my past you don't like comes up?"
"If your intentions aren't to seduce him, to lead him on, then why are you wearing that dress? The one he 'loves to take off' of you?" Jack threw accusingly at her, so wrapped up in his own jealousy, thinking about another man spending years making love to his wife, that he was missing the underlying message of Irina's words.
"The dress! The fucking dress, Jack?" Irina laughed bitterly through blinding tears and ran upstairs, thrashed around in her closet for a moment and came stalking back down the stairs, throwing a little red dress in Jack's face, surprising and scaring the others in the room caught in the middle of this circling duo.
"There's your goddamn fucking dress you, jealous son-of-a-bitch!" She shook her head, holding back the tears and looked at him in disgust. "After all that we've been through these last months I can't believe you'd still think so little of me… Have so little faith in me, in my love for you, in us! That you can believe I would actually sleep with another man after all we've been through to find each other again… Not to mention its not physically possible right now as I just gave birth to your baby just weeks ago!" Irina continued to look at him, still shaking her head and wrapping her arms around herself in comfort as a single tear escaped and made its way down her cheek before she angrily wiped it away. Her face melding into the stoic, terrifying look of 'The Man' as she regained control and they heard the doorbell ring announcing the car had arrived. "Next time, check your male ego at the door, Jack, and remember I'm doing this for us, you idgiot." Her accent coming out strong as her dark eyes bore into his. "You don't know how hard it is to be a woman in love with you, when you're so cruel." She turned on her heel and was out the door before anyone could form a reaction.
Weiss and Vaughn gave Sydney a sympathetic look as they were leaving, seeing the tears streaming down her cheeks at having just witnessed her parents first real fight in her life and now they were leaving her with the culprit of the emotional upheaval and a screaming baby who'd been awoken during the screaming match of their parents. The look they gave Jack wasn't as sympathetic.
When they reached the limo, Irina was already seated in the back, staring out the window at the waves crashing into the beach under the moonlight. Weiss caught the glimmer of the tear tracks on her face as the limo pulled away from the house and handed Irina a handkerchief from his jacket pocket.
"Thank you." She smiled after dabbing her cheeks dry and snapping the vanity mirror closed above her, having just re-applied her lipstick and touching up her make-up, the mask of 'absolute confidence' firmly in place. "Let's do this." She nodded handing the handkerchief back to Weiss just as the limo stopped and the bellhop opened her door.
*I Like The Way You Move*
"Irina," Dubey took her hand and helped her from the car, a flash of smile and a hint of disappointment in his voice. "Where is my dress?"
"I'm afraid that dress's days were numbered." She met Weiss and Vaughns' eyes as they came around the corner of the car, sharing the hidden meaning of those words before smiling apologetically at Dubey.
"Well no matter, My Dear," Dubey kissed the corner of her mouth with a smile. Irina could smell the alcohol already on his breath. "You would still be breathtaking wearing a rice sack."
"Thank you…you're very kind, Vijay." Irina took the arm he offered her as they made there way inside the club. She could tell by the way he was acting he was already drunk from drinking all day at the beach.
"Oh come now, Irina, modesty doesn't become you!" He laughed as his hand slid down her back to brush over her ass, "You know you're drop dead gorgeous." He nodded at people, acknowledging them as they made their way through the club, everyone smiling and giving him their approving looks on his 'date.'
Irina reached behind her and slid his hand up and away from her ass, much to the surprise of Dubey.
"I didn't come here for that, Vijay." She released his arm as they were shown to the private room upstairs overlooking the crowd below.
Weiss and Vaughn were seated on the opposite side of his 'goons' at the edge of the room.
"That'…is what you 'always' come for, Irina. Among other things." Dubey shot her a dubious look as they took their seats at a small table with candlelight and a bottle of champagne already chilling.
"Not this time. I told you time changes things." She grasped his hand lying on the table and gave his fingers a light squeeze, the look in her eyes telling him 'it was over.' "I came to discuss you repaying the debt you owe."
"Time does not change things for me." He picked up her hand and kissed it, ignoring her protest that it was over between them. "As for business details, that can wait 'til after we've eaten. I'm starved," He began nibbling the skin up her arm with kisses a move that used to charm her, now making her want to vomit thinking about Jack and the earlier fight. "And I haven't seen you in almost three years. Right now, I just want to drink champagne and look at you." He winked at her as he poured them both a glass.
"Water for me please." She grabbed the waiter's arm on the way by. She just wanted this night to be over with already. Irina was rushing things and she knew it but didn't care, to hell with her plans. She'd improvise.
"Irina…water? What's with you tonight?" Dubey shook his head and held out the flute to her.
"No thank you." Irina reclaimed her arm and sat back in her chair. "I can't drink alcohol right now." She looked down to her chest briefly, remembering she had to go home soon and feed her child.
"Oh, right." Dubey's eyes lingering with lust on the heaves of exposed cleavage before him. "The baby."
"Yes." Irina nodded and sipped her water under the man's stare.
"Such the good little mother now, aren't you?" He mocked her with a smile and swig of the champagne. "You never did tell me what the arrangement with the child's father is?"
"No, I didn't." Irina stone walled him, taking a bite of salad that was put in front of her.
"That's it. You've nothing to say? Is he the reason for your sudden change of heart?" He slid his chair closer to hers, caressing the knee that was exposed when she crossed her legs.
"The sudden change of heart is not so sudden. My life has changed considerably in the last couple of years. But I told you before, my personal life is off limits." Irina felt her skin crawling under the man's touch, the smell of the alcohol on his breath suddenly nauseating being in this uncomfortable position.
"You have another daughter with the American." Dubey gave her a harsh look, feeling her retreating. "You've never talked about her."
"It was none of your concern and still isn't. Like I said, my personal life is off limits." She picked up his hand and flung it off her leg, taking a drink. "I'm not here to discuss me, I'm here to discuss the debt you owe me."
"Irina, like I said. It can wait until after we've eaten." He sat back as the waiter placed the entrees in front of them. "Besides, there is so much to catch up on…discuss…like the rumor going around that you're now working for the CIA." He cocked his head and downed his flute of champagne, his eyes never leaving hers.
"The CIA executed me, remember?" She remained sitting where she was, legs crossed and leaned back in her chair, cool, calm and collected. She'd anticipated this line of questioning. "I would never work for the CIA. I can't believe you of all people…believing in idle gossip." She cocked her head slowly to the other side, the grin on her face becoming the enigma she was famous for. She had told him the truth. She would never work 'for' the CIA, but she'd work 'with' them. "I'm work for no one but myself and the interests of my country."
"So I've heard Tsarina." He offered her a silent toast, trusting her word about the CIA for now. "You're secret identity has been revealed. Now what?"
"It changes nothing." She deflected the question, "I am still working for the same goals I was before which brings me back to my original question." She leaned forward closing the distance. " You owe me."
"What is it that you want?" Dubey's hand found its way under the table to caress Irina's thigh through her slit.
Weiss elbowed Vaughn in the ribs as they watched the brave, stupid, drunk man making a move on Irina when she was clearly not in the mood.
"Oh, he's going down." Weiss smiled across the room at Dubey's goons and whispered to Vaughn through pursed lips. Watching Dubey's hand climb further up Irina's dress. "Yep, he's going down."
"Zamir." Irina replied flatly, conscious of where his hand was. He grabbed the champagne bottle and took a drink directly from it. The night was not going the way he intended. "Where is he?" Irina squeezed her crossed, thighs together tightly clasping her hand over his, preventing his hand from climbing any higher.
"What could you possibly want with him? As I seem recall…it wasn't so long ago that he came looking for you and you sent a message, via your sister that he should, 'go to hell' and that he was to never contact you again. So, so," He shook his head, the effects of the alcohol taking hold. "What do you want with him?"
"That's my business." Irina replied smoothly, grabbing his fingers in hers and twisting them off and away from her thigh. Trying very hard to keep her cool and not turn this into a disaster. "I've already told you nicely. Next time, I won't be so polite. Please, stop touching me."
Jack had stood there motionless as he watched Irina leave. When the door clicked shut behind Vaughn, Jack looked down to the red dress in his hands and then up to Sydney; the tears in her eyes doing nothing to calm the anger in his veins at the situation.
Sydney continued to stare at him, momentarily in a daze, before looking at the baby monitor on the counter relaying her sister's screams and making a move to get her.
"I'll get her." Jack grabbed Sydney's arm as she tried to pass him, stopping her in her tracks, his grip a little too tight.
"I don't think that will help," Sydney's moment of hurt and fear turning into anger, "You're the one that scared her. You're scaring me." She looked down to where he was still gripping her arm tightly.
Jack released it instantly, as if only now realizing what he was doing.
"What are you doing, Dad?" She looked him in the eye asking the bigger question. "After everything we've been through with Mom. Everything that's happened. How could you do that to her?" She could feel the tears stinging in her eyes as she looked at her father still boiling with rage.
*Cry Me A River*
"Do that to her, Sydney? What about what it's doing to me? Where is the understanding for me?" Jack fisted the red dress in his hand shaking it in the air. "She tells me nothing about this relationship with him, and then out of nowhere, this man gropes and kisses my wife while I am forced to sit there and watch! And now I'm the bad guy because I'm upset with her and the situation? I have a right to be upset!" He yelled and the baby screamed louder.
"You have a right to be upset! You don't have the right to be a cruel ass!" Sydney glared at him and ran up the stairs.
"Argh!" Jack yelled in frustration and grabbed the dress with both hands, ripped it into pieces throwing it onto the floor. He grabbed a bottle of vodka out of the living room bar and stomped outside muttering to himself. He was a half-mile down the beach before he dropped into the sand, facing the ocean.
A little more then a mile down the beach, he could see the lights of the nightclub where Irina was currently with Dubey. He snorted in disgust as distorted waves of music drifted up the coastline. Digging his feet into the sand, still warm from the day's sun, Jack twisted off the top of the bottle and held it to the club in the distance as if offering it and the occupants inside a sarcastic toast. The clear liquid was anything but cool in the heat of the night and Jack drank greedily trying to stop the images his brain was conjuring up with Irina and Dubey.
Jack remembered Irina's face from earlier. The tears. He didn't care if he'd caused them. He was hurting, too. He'd known somewhere in the back of his mind that Irina had obviously had other sexual relationships in the past twenty years, he had, too. But to come face to face with one of them, a man who had shared in what was his, made Jack sick. This wasn't one of the men who'd savagely raped her against her will. This was someone she gave herself to willingly again and again. Someone she enjoyed.
His eyes drifted back down the beach towards the massive expanse of Irina's beachside mansion and he wondered how many times had Dubey had his wife inside those walls or on the beach he sat on now. Jack shook his head and drank until his throat burned. The women he'd had over the years were just for the need of sexual release, something to try and fill the void. Sex and just sex. He was not interested in making love with any of them. He'd set clearly defined boundaries with the women before they'd even started and for the most part, it was a mutually beneficial 'fucking' system…strictly sex with no whispered words of love and gentle caresses. The only emotions exchanged, that of primal need.
After 'Laura,' he didn't think it was possible to ever 'make love' to a woman again. He didn't want to. Like doing so would some how take away the memory of what was and what wasn't.
For so many years he questioned whether they'd ever 'really made love' or 'was it all part of her seduction act?' Even as his brain told him that's all it was, sex to her, somewhere in his heart, it was telling him that what they shared was much more then that.
Finding out now, that Irina had spent a significant part of time with one man raised questions in Jack's mind whether or not what they'd shared had meant the same to her as it did him? How could it be so easy for her to make love to someone else? He took another drink and lay back in the sand; looking up at the stars he closed his eyes and let the vodka fill his empty stomach. His mind flashed back to the image of Irina standing there tonight, with tears in her eyes throwing the dress at him.
She said he had 'no idea how hard it was for her to be alone without him, wanting him like she did.' Did that mean she'd felt the same void in her heart that he had when she'd left? That Dubey was nothing more then what those women had been to him? Someone to fill the sexual void and nothing more?
Jack sighed and thought over the events of the night letting the vodka swirl the images clouding his mind and heart: his and Irina's previous lives and the discussions they'd already had about the past and the future.
Nightclub in Jakarta:
*#1 Crush*
"His activities of late haven't exactly been what we call ethical even in our line of business, Irina. He and I didn't exactly part on the best of terms either. Over you actually." Dubey looked into her eyes.
"Over me?" She shifted in her chair, crossing her legs the other way, wondering how she could have come between the two.
"Yes, you." He continued to eye her quizzically. "Before the CIA captured you. You were kidnapped by a man, Arvin Sloane from your home in Russia, yes?"
"Yes," Irina felt her heart race in her chest. "How-" she stopped, rephrasing the question as the 'how' he knew no longer mattered. "What do you know?"
"Zamir came to me a few months ago, wanting to know if I'd meet with a man, Sloane, someone he'd just previously done business with about some money transactions and trafficking." He looked up at her with almost apologetic eyes. "I'd heard of the man, and was interested so I agreed."
Irina tensed slightly, sat upright and leaned forward to rest her chin on her hands, staring Dubey directly in the eye. "What did he want?"
"I was in Calcutta at the time, visiting my family so he met me there." Dubey stabbed a piece of salad and continued eating. "Sloane wanted to know if I could launder and route substantial funds to two separate, untraceable accounts. He knew of my business. Knew what I was capable of." He gave her a smug grin as he flicked his wrist asking the waiter to bring more champagne.
"Sloane's a smart man; why have you launder money he could have done himself?" Irina began the questioning on her fishing expedition of the truth.
"One of the people receiving funds was a high-ranking member of the United State Senate. The other a known member of Al-Qaeda. There could be no link to either of them or him he explained."
'Senator Douglas' Irina sighed, her instincts about Zamir and his connection to Douglas and Sloane confirmed. "And the trafficking?"
"He told me he'd have 'something' at a later date that he wanted me to sell for him on the Black Market."
Lena. Irina's heart dropped to the floor, as did Weiss and Vaughn's.
At the look on Irina's fallen face Dubey continued, "I can tell by the look on your face, Irina. That you know what Sloane was going to have me sell don't you?" He reached across the table and took his hand in hers.
Irina looked up from where their hands lay connected on the table into his eyes, "My baby."
"Yes, though I did not know that when I accepted the deal. Believe me I would never." He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, "It was only after I'd learned that it was the bastard Zamir who'd led Sloane to where you were in hiding that you'd been kidnapped, were pregnant. Which of course was a tremendous surprise. But I did not know until then that it was, you, Irina. That it was your child that this man wanted me to sell. I would never sell a baby." His hand now working its way up her arm.
Irina sat deathly still listening to what he was saying, the reality of how close she'd come to losing her daughter that Sloane wasn't lying when he said he would sell her baby.
"The moment I knew it was you that Sloane had kidnapped, I tried to find you but I found out too late. The next I'd heard was that the CIA had found you, and that you'd been executed-"
"By the Senator you'd arranged funds for, Vijay." She said vehemently pulling her hand free from his grasp once again, "Oh don't look so surprised, Dubey! I know how you work! You don't do 'anything' without investigating first! You 'knew' who he was!"
"Not at the time, I swear to you, Irina! I did not know!" Dubey stood and slammed his hand down on the table in his drunken state, making the silverware jump and Weiss and Vaughn ready themselves to get up and attack.
In one swift move Irina grabbed a stiletto knife from the upper thigh of her garter belt and thrust it down at incredible speed, pinning his shirt to the table.
"You crazy bitch!" Dubey tugged on his shirt attempting to free it, wild fire in his eyes. "What are you doing?"
"There are two things that I will not stand for: my life and that of my family being threatened! The other is a man who attempts to intimidate me with force! I gave you a warning." She held the knife in place, leaning closer to his face with hers, a deadly smile still in place.
Weiss and Vaughn stood, with hands on their firearms ready to proceed if things continued to get out of control.
"Keep your drunken hands off me! The next time, it will be your hand that is stuck to this table! And as someone who's experienced that lately, it's a very unpleasant feeling." She ripped the knife free of his shirt and the table.
Dubey in his inebriated, aroused, angry state took no heed in Irina's warning and knocked the knife out of her hand sending it sliding across the floor with one hand while the back of his other hand hit soundly with the side of her face. Her head hardly had time to whip back before he held her securely in his grip with one hand around her wrist and the other around her throat.
Vaughn and Weiss immediately flew from their seats, as did Dubey's guards, weapons drawn.
Irina gave them a look to 'stand down,' sending the silent message she was still in control. They kept their guns trained but remained where they stood.
"I am not one of your minions, Irina! You cannot use me and toss me aside when you're done! Don't you know I would die for you?" Dubey's tight grip lessoned as he saw the split in her cheek and lip already drawing pools of blood. He drew her body closer to his and twisted her arm behind her back and slid his other arm down her neck and breast grasping her other arm and twisting it behind her back as well. He leaned her back so that he had access to her neck and started kissing his way up to her chin and over her now swollen cheek and lips.
As soon as his lips locked with hers, Irina sent her knee straight into his groin causing him to immediately withdraw in agony as she crushed her elbow into the side of his face sending him stumbling a few steps.
"You bitch!" His eyes tearing, his face etched in pain as his nose and lip spewed blood. He attempted to smile as if enjoying their game.
When Irina took a step closer, he attempted to grab her. She used Dubey's momentum to deflect his advance and dislocate his own shoulder with a sickening 'pop' before landing on top of his chest, her legs pinning him down to the floor, her arms holding his above his head so that he was trapped.
Dubey's eye's wandered from her thighs, inches from his face, up her body to rest on her face, swollen and bleeding.
The speed and agility in which Irina pulled off the maneuver astounding Weiss and Vaughn who still stood with guns trained.
"Why can't you ever play fair?" He smiled, enjoying his position even though he was in excruciating pain.
"I follow my own rules." She huffed and blew a wayward strand of hair from her face. "You should know that by now." Annoyed, she looked at her dress where the slit had now risen another five inches up her thigh due to tearing.
"Yes. I do." He continued to breath heavily his eyes dropping to her cleavage right in front of him, the feel of her body on his sending a wave of arousal straight through him.
"And you hit me first." She backhanded him across the already broken nose again causing blood to spray again.
"Goddamnit!" Dubey cursed again from pain. "Irina, stop it!"
"That was for hitting a woman. Especially this woman. Never, make that mistake again. Can I trust that you won't try to kill me again if I let you up to finish this discussion?" She pressed her knee into the armpit of the dislocated arm eliciting a moan from him. "Or if you keep this up I'm in a fighting mood tonight and can't guarantee I won't stop short of killing you."
Truth be told, she was thankful for this chance to beat the crap out of someone after all the pent up frustration with Jack. Part of her wanted Dubey to keep attacking her.
"You know I could never kill you, Irina." Dubey winked at her wiggling his body beneath her. "It used to be fun. You and I challenging each other, or has time changed that about you, too? Your love of games?"
Irina promptly jumped to her feet and attempted to straighten her dress. "I'm too tired for games, Vijay." She watched as he rolled over and got to his feet, their guards relaxing and lowering their guns. "No more games." She took a seat and grabbed her glass of ice water and held it to her split, swollen cheek. Hoping the cool nature would reduce the swelling. "I need to find Zamir, so I can find Sloane and end this thing once and for all."
"And then what?" He asked dropping into the chair again cradling his arm.
"I don't know." Her mind suddenly flashed to Jack and the unknown future.
Within seconds she was back on task, "Sloane stole something from me that threatens my future. My daughters' future, all our futures and I want them back." She twisted the stem of glass between her fingers, letting the cold condensation slide over her hot swollen cheek as she thought about the Prophecy Child. "Zamir has information that could be helpful in finding Sloane."
Dubey remained silent, staring at her for a moment before he sighed and gave her a half smile causing him to wince in pain.
"Ok Irina. I will see what I can't find out for you. I'll contact you tomorrow." He winced again as he struggled to stand, while his one arm hung grotesquely at his side.
"Thank you." She offered him a small smile as they walked back to the awaiting limo.
"I meant what I said before, Irina. Nothing has changed for me where you're concerned. Even if you've had a change of heart. What ever makes you happy, I will help you." He kissed her cheek and lightly caressed her cheek before catching himself and letting his hand drop. "For all the years I was blessed with your body it was your heart that I always wanted the most." He said in a low voice that those around them could still hear, including Vaughn and Weiss who felt very awkward in the moment. "I could tell by the look in your eyes that you couldn't give me your heart because it was no longer yours to give."
Irina looked down and away from his eyes boring into hers, looking for the truth he knew was there.
"I hope that Jack Bristow knows and appreciates what a precious gift you have given him."
Irina's eyes flew to his instantly. He knew. He knew about Jack. That she'd given her heart to him long ago. Where it remained today.
"The illusive heart of Irina Derevko is nothing that should be taken lightly." He smiled down at her, taking a chance and stepping closer.
"How did you…" The question died on her lips.
"Know that it was Jack Bristow who you'd given your heart to?" When she nodded yes he smiled and laughed softly. "When I'd heard you were pregnant I was astounded. The Great Irina Derevko pregnant with some man's child? How could this be? She would never let that happen! But ah… then I discovered it wasn't just some man that fathered the child but 'The American.' It was his child… and I just knew." He clasped her hand in his holding it up to his heart. "Irina Derevko would never have a child with just any man. Not even me. For you to carry his child, have his child, again… I knew that he was the one who held your heart, would always."
No verbal response was required, as the light in Irina's eyes spoke volumes to him and she smiled despite the own pain of her swollen cheek.
"Give that beautiful baby of yours a kiss from me." He winked and kissed the back of Irina's hand before holding open the limo door with his one good working arm. "I'll be in touch tomorrow but now, I need to see a doctor." He laughed making Irina smile as she got into the back of the car. "It was a good game, Irina. Goodnight." He gave her a small smiling, accepting that their game was finally over.
"Goodnight." She smiled and nodded as he closed the door and the car slowly crept away from the curb into the night.
"Mom! What happened?" Sydney jumped from the couch the moment they'd walked in the door, seeing Irina's torn dress and swollen, bruised cheek.
"I'm alright, Sweetheart." Irina smiled slightly, brushing Sydney's chin with her fingers as she passed by her on the way to the refrigerator. "It just takes a little action for some men to realize that you're serious." She opened the freezer and removed a package of frozen peas, placing it against her cheek to reduce the swelling. When she turned to face them, she noticed the remains of her shredded red dress on the floor. "Where's your father?" She asked quietly, pouring herself a glass of orange juice and popping a piece of toast in the toaster. She hadn't eaten much of anything at the restaurant and was feeling a big 'sluggish' now with low blood sugar.
"I haven't seen him since you left." Sydney looked cautiously at her mother as Irina made her way around the kitchen island to pick up the dress pieces and throw them into the trash. "I think he went for a walk on the beach."
Irina didn't bother responding, as she heard the baby stirring in her sleep through the monitor. She picked up her frozen peas, and glass of OJ with a smile, hearing her babies squeaks and noises that newborns made in their sleep. Making her way towards the stairs she grazed Sydney with a kiss to her cheek as she passed. "I'm going to check on Lena, I'll be back down in a minute. Thank you for watching her."
When Irina had closed the door behind her Sydney turned to Weiss and Vaughn who looked positively exhausted as they flopped onto the couch.
"What the hell happened tonight?"
"Your mom kicked some Dubey ass! That's what happened." Weiss loosened his tie with a chuckle thinking about Irina's assault on the man.
"Why?" She flopped down next to Vaughn who put his arm around her, kissing her temple with a smile.
"Because the man wasn't listening. He was drunk and stupid, and kept putting the moves on Irina. She told him to stop, he didn't and well things got intense there for a few minutes but holy shit, your mom in action! She's lethal, Syd!" Weiss laughed out loud as he got up to grab a beer out of the fridge. "And quite capable of taking on the 'Incredible Hulk.'"
"Why did he hit her?" Sydney looked to Vaughn with concern written all over her face.
"She threatened him with her stiletto." He added softly with a small smirk.
"Yeah." Weiss handed both of them a beer as he sat down, "A night on the town with Irina Derevko is a night to remember, of that you can be sure. The way she lures her victims into her web is like watching a Black Widow spider seduce her mate before she devours him. I see now where you get it from when you're in the field."
A Praying Mantis and Marshall suddenly flashed through their minds remembering his previous comments concerning Irina. He raised a knowing eyebrow at Sydney, who smiled, before taking a swig of the cold beer.
"So did we learn anything more about where to find Zamir? Did Dubey know where he is?" Sydney asked just as Irina hit the bottom of the stairs landing.
"He's going to contact me tomorrow with whatever information he can give us." Irina answered for them. She saw Sydney's face immediately go blank, and followed her line of sight to where Jack had just entered through the sliding glass doors behind her, empty vodka bottle in hand.
Jack's eyes immediately flashed with concern and then anger as Irina turned around, exposing her torn dress, and split cheek.
"What the hell did he do to you?" His voice was low and seethed with anger as his knuckles turned white gripping the bottle. He stumbled forward and it became abundantly clear that he was drunk.
"Nothing I couldn't handle." Irina replied tightly, as she walked calmly towards the kitchen counter placing her now empty glass in the sink.
"That's not what I asked!" Jack moved into her space, turning her face to his so that he could look more closely at the damage of her face and then to the torn dress, immediately thinking the worst. "What did he do to you? And what the hell kind of bodyguards are you two?" He flashed his anger towards Vaughn and Weiss who were now standing cautiously in the living room.
"He didn't do anything like that, Jack! Don't jump to conclusions and don't blame the boys!" She stepped away from him. "You don't know what happened."
"That's right! I don't know what happened because I wasn't there! I wasn't there because you didn't want me there! Because you don't want me apparently! You do just fine on your own it seems!" He rambled on throwing the bottle into the sink where it shattered, making everyone jump except Irina who remained deathly still at the other end of the island.
"I'm not having this discussion with you right now. I've already had to deal with one drunken idgiot tonight." She shook her head slightly as she closed her eyes, thinking about how very wrong this was going down.
"How wrong of me to assume that your lover boy might have hurt you when you come home with a bloodied, bruised face and a torn dress!"
Weiss, Vaughn and Sydney cringed with Jack's verbal abuse.
Jack turned his glare on her; the alcohol making his tongue wicked.
"What the hell am I supposed to think? Did the foreplay get a little out of hand, Irina? Hmm?"
*So Cold*
"I'm sorry." Irina said softly as her eyes met his, surprising Jack momentarily with an admission he was not expecting. "I'm sorry that I hurt you so badly in the past that you're incapable of trusting me now." She reached into the front of her dress, removing a small black chip that had been clipped there. She plugged it into the end of the iPod lying in front of her on the counter.
No one saying anything as they were all stunned by what she was saying and doing, unsure of her next move.
Slowly, and with unshed tears she slid the diamond ring from her lithe finger and set it atop the iPod screen, looking up to meet Jack's surprised eyes she gently pushed them toward him.
"I love you with all that I am and it's still not enough. I don't know what else I can do, say to you, to gain it back. I cannot, will not…make another promise before God to renew our marriage vows without your trust. I know you love me but that's not enough for a marriage to work. We both know that. We need complete trust in one another. We jumped into this so quickly...after my Execution. Trying to pickup right where we left off, as if the last 22 years never happened. But there is still so much broken between us. Maybe loving each other, isn't enough to overcome the damage we've done to each other." A single tear coursed down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away.
Jack's posture had fallen with her every action, every word.
"This doesn't mean I'm giving up on us, Jack. It just means, I think… Everything happened so fast in these last few months. Maybe we need to take things slower. Before we can even think about a future together…we need to deal with past. Need to rebuild that trust." She paused momentarily to collect herself and straighten her own posture, blinking back more unshed tears. "I've made it a habit in my line of work to record every meeting with a contact for safety measures. Since you don't trust my word on what happened this evening you can listen for yourself." Her dark pools seemed to swallow any further emotion she was in danger of exposing. "Goodnight." She turned slowly and headed straight for the stairs without looking at anyone.
The remaining group stood motionless as they watched Irina's retreating form until she disappeared, their gaze then fell to Jack. He stood in a daze, trying to clear the alcohol induced fog on his brain enough to process all that had just happened.
Slowly he reached forward and picked up the ring, still warm from Irina's body heat. It suddenly felt very heavy and as Jack closed his fingers around the small platinum band, it felt as though it was searing his flesh, sending a shooting pain straight up his arm to his heart.
Sydney looked tearfully from her father to the closed door upstairs and back to Vaughn. Silently asking him to deal with her father while she went to Irina. Vaughn kissed her temple and motioned for her to go ahead. She walked slowly at first, and then ascended the steps quickly impatient to reach her mother.
Jack's mind suddenly registered that he was not alone in the room and looked up to meet Vaughn and Weiss's gaze. The looks on their faces held no anger only surprised sadness. He quickly picked up the iPod and went out to the solace of the beach once more.
"Wow. What a night." Weiss dropped back onto the couch in shock covering his face with his hands rubbing the sleep away. "So what do you think about all this?' He asked Vaughn softly.
"Well, I can understand why it's hard for Jack to trust her to some extent, but after everything…" He paused and stood, thinking about his words. "When he listens to that tape, I don't know." He furrowed his brow, "I don't want to try and analyze their relationship. It's far too complicated and it's not fair to do. We've never been in their positions." He walked toward the kitchen and began looking through the cupboards.
"What are you doing?" Weiss watched with amusement when he saw Vaughn grab a frying pan and some eggs.
"Irina hasn't had a chance to eat yet. It's not good for her." He answered quietly knowing without looking at Weiss what the expression on his face would be: one of shock and astonishment. He too, had to admit how ironic this was, him concerned for the woman he once despised more then anyone on Earth, wanted dead.
"Very noble, Mike, very noble." Weiss slapped on the back and squeezed his shoulder, taking another swig of beer with a bemused smile. "Never hurts to suck up to your future mother-in-law."
Vaughn gave him an incredulous look and shrugged it off, "It's taken a while but I've finally realized that when Irina's in-danger, sick, or hurting, in pain…unhappy… Sydney's unhappy, Sydney's in pain and because I love her, I'll do whatever I can to make sure that doesn't happen. And if that means cooking something for Irina to keep her healthy, then so be it. Besides I'm hungry, too." He added smiling, trying to lighten up. "Now do you want some or not?"
"Mom." Sydney knocked and called out softly, hearing no reply she braved entry. When she stepped into the room she saw Irina on the phone, speaking in Russian and wiggling out of her dress.
Lena was lying on the middle of the bed, eyes wide open mesmerized at the moment by the light and ceiling fan. Sydney sat gently beside her sister on the bed and smiled at the innocence the baby held, discovering the world around her and that included something as simple as a ceiling fan.
From the bits of conversation Sydney was catching as Irina made her way in and out of the bathroom and around the room, her mother was on the phone with Katya. She gave Irina a small smile as she caught her eyes in the mirror. Realizing Irina could be on the phone for some time, Sydney lay down on the bed with her head next to Lena's and looked up to see what fascination the ceiling fan held. To her surprise, it was actually beautiful. The blades were made of woven bamboo strips and as they moved in their circular motion, cut the light into intricate patterns of light and shadow across the ceiling and walls like a silent ballet. Sydney couldn't stop smiling as she nuzzled her cheek against Lena's head, lying on their mother's soft bed appreciating the small, but beautiful things she still had in her life.
As Sydney was busy thinking about the events of the night and watching the fan, Irina finished on the phone and stood watching her daughters from the doorway.
The baby began wiggling and punching her fists in the air, making small noises in an attempt to get away from Sydney's hair that was splayed across the bed, tickling her face. Sydney caught a fist to the side of the head that grabbed her attention and she rolled over onto her side, propping her head up on an elbow to laugh as Lena was flailing about with a fist full of her hair. She caught her mother's gaze from the doorway and was pleased to see Irina smiling.
"I forgot to warn you she's become quite the hair puller." Irina walked toward the bed smiling, and gently slid up beside them in her pajamas. She ran her hand over Lena's cheek as Sydney extracted her hair from the small fist.
Sydney looked up to closely analyze her mother's swollen cheek and the small laceration.
"Are you ok?" She asked softly, meaning so much more then the physical damage.
"No. Not really." Irina answered honestly feeling tears well again she took a deep breath and blinked them back smiling at her eldest. "But I will be."
Sydney was a little surprised her mother had answered truthfully, admitting she wasn't just fine, which was the answer she fully expected.
"Dad really does love you." She said softly.
"I know he does, Sydney. As I love him but love isn't always enough. I've learned that too many times in my life." Irina sighed and ran her fingernail up the bottom of Lena's bare foot causing the baby to retract it and then kick out.
A soft knock at the door interrupted their quiet conversation.
"Come in." Sydney called turning their attention to the door. Vaughn smiled shyly as he carried a plate of scrambled eggs and fresh toast over to the bed.
"You haven't eaten anything in a while." He carefully set the plate and utensils on the table near the bed. Sydney beamed at Vaughn's gesture.
"Thank you." Irina turned on the bed to clasp Vaughn's hand with a beautiful smile of her own. "That was very kind of you to think of me."
"You're welcome." He nodded with a small smile as he nervously retracted his hand and shifted his eyes to Sydney. His own heart surged with love when he saw the brilliant smile on her face. "Sydney, do you want some as well? I can go get another plate? I didn't even think to ask-" He rambled but was cut off.
"No, its ok. I'm not hungry but thanks for asking." She smiled. "I'll come down in a little bit."
"No hurry, I'm not going anywhere." He smiled softly as he closed the door behind him.
Irina's smile continued to grow as she watched her daughter's reaction, the brilliant smile her daughter had was nothing to take for granted. She'd never forget the first time she was on the receiving end of it after she'd turned herself in again.
"What?" Sydney blushed under her mother's obvious scrutiny of the situation.
"Nothing." Irina smiled as she propped herself up and stabbed at some eggs. "I just love that you're so happy."
Sydney's smile suddenly faded at her mother's words, remembering what had happened between her parents tonight and suddenly feeling guilty for being so happy.
Irina noticed the reaction and immediately knew what Sydney was thinking. She set her fork on the plate and cupped Sydney's chin, forcing her eyes up to hers.
"Sydney, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are allowed to be happy, you deserve all the happiness and love this world has to offer."
"I know but-"
"No buts, Sydney." Irina smiled and ran her thumb over Sydney's cheek before pushing a stray hair behind her ear. "When you're happy, I'm happy. I love you Sweetheart, I love you so much." Irina looked Sydney in the eye and felt the tears starting again. She set the plate on the table and took Sydney's hand. "And I love that you have such a big heart that you always try and put other's heart before your own. You're best person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing." She pulled Sydney into her embrace where they both held on tightly to each other. "You are my everything and there isn't a moment that goes by when I don't 'Thank God' for bringing us back together."
"But if you and Dad don't…" Sydney said spoke through her tears into Irina's soft hair, expressing her fears that if her parents couldn't find a way back to each other, her mother would disappear again.
Irina knew what she'd been thinking though she didn't finish her thought and kissed the side of Sydney's head as she sniffled.
"I swear to you, Sydney, that I will never let anyone or anything tear us apart again. Your father and I are by no means over and even if we decide that its for the best we live our lives separately; I'm still going to be your mother and you'll always be my baby no matter how old you get. My love for you will never change."
Sydney pulled back and nodded as she wiped the tears on her cheeks and chin.
Irina realized as she watched her daughter that even though Sydney didn't verbally express it like Jack had, she too was afraid her mother would break her trust again and leave her. She sighed and pulled Sydney back into her arms, closing her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere." She spoke softly into her daughter's hair.
It was going to take time to heal this family, no matter how much love there was but she had faith, that time heals all wounds. There would be scars left, that was a certainty and scars were made from skin that was even stronger then before. Irina believed that when all their wounds had healed, they too would be that much stronger.
"I believe you, Mom." Sydney smiled as she spoke to her mother in Russian. "I trust you." Somehow to Sydney, speaking to Irina in her own language seemed to re-affirm her words, that she really and truly gave Irina all her trust in that moment.
When the hug ended, they lay on the bed, one on each side facing the other, talking while Irina nursed Lena discussing what Dubey had revealed about Sloane and Zamir.
With that topic exhausted, and the baby now asleep between them, Irina revealed to Sydney what she'd been discussing on the phone with Katya. Sydney left them sometime later to find Vaughn and go to bed herself.
Meanwhile, Jack had stumbled down the beach just far enough away from the house that he could still see the light into Irina's bedroom. He'd sat down and pressed 'play' listening to the entire conversation of the night, which unfortunately began the moment Irina put on her dress and he'd accused her of being a whore even without finishing the sentence and all the way through the entire night with Dubey, and ending just after his remark about 'foreplay to rough' with her 'lover boy.' He shook his head in disgust with himself and flopped backwards into the sand, re-playing over and over sections of the dialogue, but mostly, the last thing that had been said between Dubey and Irina.
*Secret Garden*
'For all the years I was blessed with your body it was your heart that I always wanted the most. I could tell by the look in your eyes that you couldn't give me your heart because it was no longer yours to give. I hope that Jack Bristow knows and appreciates what a precious gift you have given him. The illusive heart of Irina Derevko is nothing that should be taken lightly.'
'How did you know…?'
'Know that it was Jack Bristow who you'd given your heart to? When I'd heard you were pregnant I was astounded. The Great Irina Derevko pregnant with some man's child? How could this be? She would never let that happen! But ah, then I discovered it wasn't just some man that fathered the child… but 'The American.' It was his child and I just knew. Irina Derevko would never have a child with just any man not even me. For you to carry his child, have his child again… I knew that he was the one who held your heart, would always.'
How had things gone so terribly wrong for he and Irina in the last twenty-four hours? In his heart, he knew without a doubt that she loved him, above all else except their children. It had been his head that had let the emotions and memories of the past creep in and take control over his emotion, resulting back to old habits of doubt and insecurity. He'd thought that after all they'd been through, those doubts…those insecurities had vanished. But with the first test of their relationship they'd proved him wrong. He hadn't dealt with them and somewhere they lay lurking, waiting for the first opportunity to strike out. Strike back at Irina for the pain she'd caused when she'd left. Of course he knew now the reasons but it didn't take away the memories from that time period and those were what he was struggling to let go of in his head. Somewhere inside him he needed that confirmation, that promise of where exactly he stood in Irina's life. What he meant to her. His brain had just heard from the recording, what his heart had already known. No matter what men were in her past, he was the only man in her present, and according to what Dubey had said, the only man she'd ever given her heart to. She'd left her heart with Jack when she left, just as she'd taken his with her back to Russia. Jack opened his fist, still clenching her ring. He held it up to the moon and watched the light bounce of the diamonds as he twisted it between his fingers. 'The illusive heart of Irina Derevko is nothing that should be taken lightly.' Dubey's words kept replaying in his head. Jack dropped his arm across his forehead, the other onto his chest where he palmed the ring to his chest just above his heart.
Irina had given him the one thing she'd never given to anyone else. The most guarded and fragile thing she possessed, her heart because she loved him. Trusted him and he'd ripped it out and thrown in back in her face tonight. Were they equal now? He wondered silently to himself. Did it make him feel any better to do to her, what she'd done to him twenty years ago? The answer was immediate to Jack. No, of course not.
Of course he didn't feel better because he'd hurt the one person he loved more then anything and when you love someone so deeply, you would do anything to keep them from harm. You certainly don't want to be the one to cause it!
It was amazing to Jack how quickly his drunken state had become clear when presented with the hard truth. He staggered to his feet, and slid Irina's ring onto the top of his little finger. He desperately wanted to talk to her, tell her he was sorry and it couldn't wait another moment.
Jack glanced up to her window as he walked toward the house, the main light had been turned off but he could see her balcony doors were open and the light breeze was causing the curtains to dance. Jack picked up his pace.
When he reached the house, it was quiet, everyone asleep and all the lights had been turned off except for a small light in the kitchen someone, probably Sydney, had left on to show him the way home in the dark. He quietly slipped through the doors and up the steps. Irina's door was closed. Jack placed his hand on the wooden door and rested his forehead against its grain, taking a deep breath.
What was he going to say? How was he going to make this right?
Slowly, he turned the handle and crept into the room. The Full Moon was beaming through the skylight and cast the entire space below in a brilliant shade of dark blue. His heart melted when his eyes fell upon two of the loves-of-his-life sleeping peacefully next to each other on top of the beautiful white down comforter. Irina's hand was splayed protectively across a sleeping Lena's stomach so that even in sleep, Irina would know exactly where her daughter was and if she was awake while in bed with her. She'd done it so many times with Sydney and whenever they'd brought Lena into bed with them the last few weeks. But something didn't look quite right to Jack, and then he realized why. His eyes shifted from the white band of un-tanned skin on Irina's left hand that was covering their baby, to the ring on the end of his little finger.
Jack had become accustomed to its presence in the last few days it had occupied her finger. He was about to slide the ring back on her finger when he suddenly stopped, looking down at Irina's sleeping face. He thought about what she'd said, that she 'could not, would not' renew her vows to him without his love and 'trust.'
Jack pulled back his outstretched hand slowly.
Irina was right. Things had happened so quickly these last few months. She had his love and his full trust now, though he was ashamed to admit even to himself, especially to himself, that it took her proving it to him with a digital voice recorder for his head to finally get in sync with the heart that had never stopped loving her. There were no more doubts, no more insecurities. He could just slip the ring back on her finger and apologize in the morning, asking her for forgiveness. He knew she'd give it because she felt she owed him so much, no matter how much he hurt her.
But in that moment, looking at her beautiful face nestled next to their child's he realized that all this time she'd been trying, and succeeding in proving her love and trust for him but tonight, the roles had reversed. It was now up to him to prove to her that he did trust her. She deserved to be shown, not just told, that she had his trust. He would do whatever it took to prove it to her however long it took. They would go slow and get it right. And when she was ready he would place that ring back on her finger.
The cool ocean breeze felt wonderful after a long hot muggy day but Jack knew that in a few more hours, it would get chilly. He pulled the baby's blanket down over her feet again where she'd kicked it away.
Irina was wearing only a light pair of sheer cotton pajamas made for this muggy part of the world so he looked around the room for something to cover her with. Spotting a light cotton blanket draped over the end of the bed frame, he quietly collected it and softly, placed it carefully over a sleeping Irina.
Jack ran his hand over Lena's soft hair and then softly over Irina's. He paused a moment looking at her bruised, swollen cheek, unsure before he very carefully placed a soft kiss to the hair just above her ear. He left the iPod on her nightstand before quietly closing the door to make his way downstairs.