A/N: Don't own (although I'd love to have my very own Norman Reedus :D) don't sue!

Lyrics are from 'Rain' by Patty Griffin

Rain

Chapter Thirty Eight

It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart
Beatin' close to mine
Poundin' up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud
Rain

She knew it was him. They all knew each other's watch schedules by now but she would know it was him anyway. She could feel his familiar boots climbing up her spine, smell his scent as he got closer. She worked to slow her rapidly pounding heart. The hatch thumped shut behind him. She had been on edge all day while they were gone, worried he would die out there with bad blood between them. But since he'd come back, she had not spoken to him, had not tried to mend things between them. He had broken her heart, shattered her trust and she did not know how they could get past this.

Daryl would never apologise, she knew that. He was not sorry for what he'd done, he was sorry he had hurt her, sorry he had broken them but his brother clearly had a hold on him that was hard to break. She knew she would have to bring herself round eventually. She didn't know how to be here with this group without him. Didn't know if she wanted to be here without him. But she had to make him understand her side. What he had done to her.

"Sit down." She told him without turning around.

He hesitated for a split second before collapsing down onto the wooden boards opposite her, one leg stretched out towards her until his black trousers brushed her thigh, and his other leg pulled up under his elbow. He looked at her steadily, warily, waiting.

"I love you, Dixon." That he had not expected. He blinked at her. "I can forgive you, for what you did. I can trust you again, eventually." She licked her dry lips, her brow wrinkled as she concentrated on what she was trying to say. "But I need you to understand."

He was worrying at a gash in his trousers, pulling threads from the frayed edges as he watched her.

"If the Governor and his private army rolled up here now and Merle walked right out of those gates without even looking back, the complete and utter shit you would feel is a fraction of how you made me feel." Cassidy took a deep breath, her mouth twisted. She hadn't anticipated how much this would take of her. "I haven't had anyone, in a long time. Lochie's different; we drifted in and out of each other's lives before this. I've never had anyone abandon me before. Apart from my sister. I've never been in a position for someone to abandon me."

Daryl was squinting at her, his mouth half open. She needed to stop talking.

"I need you to understand." She repeated, feeling slightly nauseous.

"I understand." She looked at him disbelievingly and he ran his thumb roughly over his lips in frustration. "Merle's my blood. I couldn't leave him out there alone with that psycho on his ass."

"It isn't the leaving, Dixon." Cassidy scratched at her forehead absently, pushing her hair away from her face. "Did I even cross your mind?"

He stared at her, unable to speak but willing her to understand. There wasn't a second since he saw the back of their car retreating that she hadn't been on his mind. Every word out of his brother's mouth had only emphasised that he was not the same man, that things could never be what they were. The truth was, he didn't need his brother anymore. Not the way he thought he did. The second he'd looked at him and realised the truth, there was no more decision to be made. No side to take. No choice. He could never tell her that. Could never let her know how important she was to him. Because everyone he needed left him. First his mother, then Merle. Nobody ever needed him, as much as he needed them. He leaned forwards, drawing his knees up.

"You crossed my mind." He grunted, staring intently at his fingers linked and dangling between his knees. "I don't think shit through. I wasn't thinkin' what would happen after. You think we had a plan? Fuck no."

Cassidy fiddled with the cuffs on the oversized hoody.

"I need to ask you, and I want the truth. No bullshit." She swept her hair away from her face absently. "Was I at least a factor in you coming back?"

She sounded needy and she didn't care. She needed to be clear, for her own sake as well as their relationship. She needed to know she hadn't let him in for nothing.

"Top of the list, Red."

She laughed despite herself, a brittle burst of laughter in the cramped space. She reached across, her fingers hooking into his, still loosely clasped between his knees. He watched her long slender fingers linking in with his tanned dirty digits. He leaned forwards, his breath stirring her bangs.

Her eyes were usually brilliantly bright but now they were red-rimmed and tired. She looked so vulnerable. Being near her was having its usual effect, and her lips flickered irresistibly upwards. Her lips were within reach, her breath smelt inexplicably of strawberries, drifting sweetly against his mouth. He could count the freckles on her nose, the flecks of gold in her eyes, there was a tiny eyelash dusting her cheekbone that quivered in his breath. His gaze flickered down to her mouth and she pursed her lips, drawing away from him, her fingers slipping out of his loose grasp.

"We're not there yet." She said quietly.

"What do you think they're talking about?"

Cassidy glanced up, following Lochie's gaze to where Rick and Daryl were deep in conversation by the fence. She shrugged, going back to hammering planks of wood together. The whole prison was busy arming for a war.

"Whatever it is, it's not good." Lochie murmured and Cassidy exchanged a look with Michonne.

"Hold still." She chastised as Lochie's grip on the plank she was holding slipped slightly.

Lochie glared but obediently repositioned the wood and Cassidy hammered it into place. She held up the wooden block and surveyed it doubtfully. It was supposed to help shield them from another attack but she had little confidence it would work. She handed it over to Michonne who added it to the pile Maggie and Beth and Carl were distributing around the prison. Lochie lined up the next lot of planks into shape. Cassidy could feel the sun burning her neck and shoulders, sweat dribbling from under her hairline onto her damp vest. She was using the task to take her mind off Daryl. They weren't exactly speaking but they were polite. It was almost more awkward than when they weren't speaking. She finished up the block she was working on and handed it to Michonne, swiping sweat from her face with the back of her arm.

She headed back inside for water, thoroughly enjoying the cool interior of the corridors as she took the long way around. Rounding a corner she walked right into Merle. He had a shifty look on his face that he hurriedly replaced with a leer. He took her in from head to toe, her flat navel bared by the cropped top she'd donned against the punishing heat and her low-slung jeans. He licked his lips.

"You lookin' good, baby."

He stepped closer, his hand circling around her bare waist and pressing against her lower back. Cassidy allowed him to pull her a step closer. He leaned towards her, burying his nose against the hair at her temple and inhaling deeply. Cassidy felt her skin crawl. She contemplated it for a few brief seconds, contemplated about how much it would hurt Daryl and how satisfying that might feel. But it was only fleeting and the thought vanished.

"If you want to keep your last hand." She murmured against his earlobe. "I'd recommend you never put it on me again." She leaned back enough to look him in the eye. "Baby."

"You're hurting my baby brother." Merle said, not moving his hand away from the curve of her spine. "Thank you."

Cassidy pulled away from him, thrown off balance by the tone of his voice.

"The further you push him away, the easier it is for me to reel him back in."

Before she'd even formulated a plan, she'd drawn her fist back and punched him full force in the crotch. Merle dropped like a stone, howling and cussing and swearing bloody vengeance. She left him on the ground, making her shaky way back to the living areas. It had never occurred to her that she was driving him away. Maybe Merle was right, would Daryl wait for her? If Woodbury attacked right now he could be dead in seconds. They both could be. Forever wasn't a long-term prospect anymore. She ran into Lochie in the big communal area currently littered with weapons as they inventoried what they had.

"Have you seen Dixon?" She demanded without any preamble.

Lochie looked surprised for a moment and then a sly grin crept over her face.

"He was arguing with his dick of a brother a few minutes ago." She informed her cheerfully, pointing back the way she'd just come.

Cassidy barely nodded before she'd turned on her heel and marched back down the hallway. She followed her feet and her senses, traversing the faintly familiar hallways of the labyrinthine prison. They had cleared out a lot of the prison, whenever they had chance venturing deeper and deeper but once the rooms were cleared and secured they rarely bothered with them again apart from a cursory walker check. This was apparently what Daryl was doing when she found him, his brow dark and brooding and that expression on his face. It was a new expression to her but one that fitted him like a familiar old glove. It was the expression he had whenever he spoke to his brother.

"Dixon."

He barely glanced at her over his shoulder, continuing down the hallway kicking open doors.

"Dixon." She snapped irritably.

He ignored her, shouldering open a door that bounced back with a snap and planted him right in the shoulder. He staggered back a step as she burst out laughing. He whirled on her, anger blazing from his eyes.

"Shut up." She snapped before he could utter a word.

She stared at him, his angry electric eyes shooting sparks, his face a heart-rending mix of anger and suspicion as he glared back at her. For the first time since he came back, her heartbeat was steady and her breathing was even. She didn't feel confused or angry, she felt calm and ready. She stepped across the space between them, until the toes of her boots touched his. He eyed her warily. They hadn't been in this close proximity since their discussion in the watch tower. She brushed her lips against his experimentally, testing herself. His eyes were narrowed as she drew back slightly, her gaze a shimmer of colour under her lashes, her lips slightly parted. She leaned up onto her tiptoes, pressing her lips against his more firmly. She felt him hesitating against her, waiting for her lead, half-expecting a punch to his kidneys. She felt no hate, no anger, no hesitation. All she felt was a rush of desire ricocheting inside her as she breathed in his distinctive Dixon scent, felt the familiar tingling in her blood. She pressed against him, her lips moving more insistently. Her fingers had lifted to clutch his shoulders through his shirt, she felt his crossbow banging sharply against her thigh. The crossbow clattered to the ground, bouncing off her toes. His rough dirty hands were gliding against her bare skin, brushing her spine and dancing along the edge of her jeans.

She pushed him through the open door, kicking the door shut behind her, all without breaking any inch of contact with him. The small room held nothing but a wide metal table and a knocked over chair. Daryl spun her around and lifted her, dropping her on the table rather unceremoniously. She ripped several buttons off his shirt in her haste, her fingertips tickling over the familiar planes of his naked chest. She drew away from him to unbuckle his jeans, pressing her lips against the dark ink on his chest. His hands were in her hair, disrupting the knot she'd tied into her hair until it tumbled over her shoulders. He touched her chin until she looked up at him, her fingers still deftly working on the buttons of his jeans. She tilted her head so he could kiss her again, the movements of his mouth as familiar and intoxicating as always. It felt like an age since she'd touched him. His hands swept up down her slender waist, from the hem of her roughly cropped top to the edge of her jeans until she quivered. On the third pass his thumbs hooked into her jeans and he yanked them down, eliciting a startled grunt from her that turned into a breathless laugh.

"Cold." She giggled against his jaw as her bare butt landed back on the metal table.

He lifted her knees, nudging her until she lay back against the cold metal. He loomed over her and she gazed at him. She loved him. She missed him. She needed him. There was a squeak as he pulled her further down the table towards him, her bare back dragging on the metal. She was still giggling when he slid inside her, startling her as the table jerked beneath them. The table creaked and rocked painfully, scraping loudly across the floor but they were too distracted to care. A walker could have walked right up to them and neither would have given a shit as they fought to remember.

"Daryl?"

Cassidy groaned, burying her face in Daryl's shoulder. No peace for the wicked. They had been gone for a good few hours. First they'd broken the table, then they'd moved to the rickety old chair. Twice. They were coiled on the dirty ground, fighting for breath, sticky with sweat and saliva, when Carol came looking. Cassidy, reluctantly, rolled away from him until he slid out of her, grabbing his discarded shirt. She yanked open the door, taking more than a little pleasure at the look on Carol's face when she realised exactly what they'd been doing all afternoon.

"I saw… the crossbow… and… I thought-" She gestured lamely at the bow still lying outside the door where it had fallen.

"We're fine." Cassidy said firmly, emphasising the first word.

"Rick's looking for you." Carol said, leaning around Cassidy to look at Daryl as he buttoned up his jeans and laced his discarded boots.

Daryl reached for his bow and hooked it over his naked shoulder. He eyed his shirt covering little of Cassidy as she leaned against the doorframe. Carol tried not to stare at the bite marks littering his chest.

"You need me?" Cassidy murmured, gazing at him intently.

He shook his head, pushing her thick curtain of hair back from her shoulder.

"Not for this."

Something was brewing at the back of his eyes and she knew that he needed to tell her something, something about his conversation with Rick earlier, something he would have told her within minutes before… He leaned over and kissed her, hard and bruising, an unspoken promise that whatever was between them was not done yet.