AN: Music for this Chapter: Leave No Man Behind from Black Hawk Down Soundtrack, Don't Let Go by Sarah McLachlan
THIRTY-TWO
o
"Better. What time is it?" Irina looked around groggy.
"Almost 8:00 PM." Jack smiled smoothing her hair. "You've been asleep almost the entire day. That's good."
"How's Lena?" She looked over to where her baby was probably sleeping.
"Sleeping like the angel she is." He ran his thumb over her cheek wondering how she was going to react to finding out that Mikhail was alive…and just a few doors done. He didn't think telling her now, was a good idea.
"Will you please bring her to me?" She asked with her big brown doe eyes that melted Jack. "I miss her."
"Of course." He went the bassinet and carefully lifted his sleeping child into his arms and smiled when she made a squeak and grunting noise at being disturbed.
"She's missed you, too. The bottle 'ain't nothin' like her Mama." He smiled and Irina laughed slightly as he placed the baby into her embrace. She immediately lit up and Jack was relieved to see her eyes open. Irina was whispering softly into Lena's ear and the baby turned her face into Irina's snuggling against her cheek and warm breath.
"I was having the strangest dream. It seemed so real." Irina's brows furrowed after a moment trying to clear the fog in her head.
"About what?" Jack asked, running his hand over Irina's hair and down her back.
"It was so strange…so real. Mikhail was alive…he was here." She closed her eyes, shaking her head softly thinking about it. "I could hear his voice and he…was standing over me. In this room holding Lena…It was so real." She sighed and Jack's heart felt like it stopped in his chest. He didn't know what to say, if he should say anything. Thankfully, Irina moved on. "Jack, you're going to have to give her a bath tonight. Are you 'ok' with that?" She opened her eyes, looking into his. "You'll do fine, I promise." She smiled, knowing how nervous he was to do it alone. It had been forever since he bathed Sydney as an infant and he'd only bathed Lena, with Irina and her supervision.
"Ok." Jack nodded, feeling a bit nervous but up to the challenge. "Where are her clothes?" He looked around the room, having not seen Irina actually get them out and change the baby while he was here.
"They're in her nursery, next door." Irina smiled sleepily, playing with the long soft hair on Lena's neck. "Her sleepers are in the second drawer of changing table, and diapers are in the first. Make sure she has a Onesie on under the sleeper or she'll get too cold. I usually get everything first and bring it into the bathroom with us. That way she doesn't get cold going from one room to the next."
Jack smiled at another example of how wonderful of a mother she was... when given the chance. "She has a nursery here?" He asked smiling in wonder.
"Yes…I can't wait until she's old enough to start sleeping in it. It's so beautiful Jack. Illiyah did an 'amazing' job." She smiled softly, as the baby wrapped her tiny fingers around her pinkie.
Jack was intrigued but still his mind was wondering to the man down the hall and how he was going to reveal him to Irina, and when.
"What's wrong, Jack?" She reached up to gently turn his face to look at her. "You seem distracted by something…It's not Sydney is it?" Her fears rising within at the thought something had happened.
Jack was amazed by her perception at reading him and thought quickly of how to respond. "Sydney's fine and having fun in Paris." He smiled. "Apparently, she and Vaughn's mother have hit-it-off fairly well. She's worried about you though. She wanted to fly here today but I told her you'd be upset if she cut short her trip to watch you sleep."
He smiled teasing, dropping a kiss to her cheek.
"Yes, I would have. 'Thank You' for convincing her to stay." Irina smiled warmly, lacing her fingers with his.
"Are you hungry? You should eat something now. I'll make you something, bring you up some more broth and juice maybe." He dropped his mouth to hers, kissing her softly as he retreated from the bed. "Are you 'ok' with Lena here?" He asked concerned seeing how weak she still was.
"Yes. We'll be fine." She smiled wrapping her arms around the baby more securely as they lay on their sides.
Jack nodded and was 'Thankful' she was facing away from the door so she wouldn't see him taking the clothing out of the room and start asking questions.
He knocked softly on Mikhail's door and heard a faint, "Come in."
When he opened the door, Jack was amazed at the transformation of the man before him. Mikhail had trimmed his hair up, and shaved his beard off. It was glaringly obvious just how much his son took after him.
"I cleaned up." He smiled shyly sitting on the bed in nothing but a towel around his waist. "I don't want to frighten them with my appearance."
Despite his light frame, Mikhail's body was well toned and held many scars like Irina's. Many, Jack assumed, were from the landmine explosion. He'd lost his leg from the knee down and a smooth stump was all that remained.
"I hope these will fit. Irina just bought them for me, so they're brand new." Jack held out the stack of clothing to the man. When he reached up to take them from him, Jack's eyes instantly flashed to the faint blue tattoo on his forearm. His identification number from Kashmir.
"My identification number." Mikhail followed Jack's gaze, holding his arm up to look at it. "You've seen Rina's I take it?"
Jack nodded slowly he had, "But hers' isn't on her arm." His eyebrows furrowed again in thought.
"That's because Gerard Cuvee is a monster." Mikhail replied quietly through pursed lips. "He wanted Rina's to be…in his own 'special' place." He shook his head disgusted. "His own brand on her body. Marking her like his property. I'll be right back." He nodded 'Thanks' again and hopped up, grabbed his cane and disappeared with the clothing into the bathroom.
He didn't need to explain any further, Jack understood. Cuvee wanted 'it' where he could see it. The placement of Irina's tattoo was chosen for his own sexual reasons. Marking her like his own personal 'whore.' Some place he could look at it while he... The thought made Jack want to vomit.
"How much has she told you…of her time there?" Mikhail asked softly when he emerged a couple minutes later.
"Quite a bit. All very disturbing." Jack sighed, crossing his arms over his chest as they walked out of the room. "The KGB filmed…a great deal of it."
"I remember." Mikhail's voice hardened. "Like it was their own personal entertainment. Bastards."
Jack motioned for them to be quiet as they passed Irina's door, not wanting her to hear Jack talking to someone and especially not the man's voice she was sure to recognize.
When they were safely a distance away and walking through the library, Mikhail began talking again.
"She was so brave…She fought them. Every single time. She fought them." He spoke softly remembering and Jack felt his heart tense. "Do you know what happened to her…after our escape?" He asked softly, taking a seat on the stool watching Jack get things down from the cupboards.
Jack nodded, "Yes." Unsure if it was his place to tell. "She was beaten…put in solitary." He paused placing the cup on the tray to look the man in eyes. "For ten months."
"Dear God…" Mikhail's head fell to his hands again, rubbing his eyes as if trying to erase the truth. "Ten months." He suddenly became quiet.
Jack continued to make Irina something to eat as the uncomfortable silence settled in.
"I think I'm going to go rest now." Mikhail suddenly stood and looked at Jack briefly, obviously still upset in pondering what Irina went through after last he saw of her.
"Do you want something to eat for dinner?" Jack asked, as the man was about to disappear around the corner.
"I don't really think I could eat right now. But 'Thank You.'" He replied quietly and was gone.
Jack finished his task and decided to make Lena a bottle as she was bound to be hungry as well. When he had everything ready, he made his way back upstairs. He could hear Lena crying the closer he got, the louder it became.
When he opened the door, Irina was trying to calm the baby down but was unsuccessful. Lena kept trying to nuzzle her way to dinner and was angry beyond belief she was met by a wet satin nightgown instead of the warm flesh she was used to; Irina's body instinctively reacting to her child's cries.
Irina had tears in her eyes again as Lena's tears rolled off her angry red cheeks. Her little fists clenches at the end of rigid arms, snorting with rage, not understanding 'what the hell was going on,' or why her mother was pushing her away.
Jack immediately handed Irina the bottle and once again, it took quite sometime to calm the baby down enough to get her to eat. Her tears kept rolling as she looked up at Irina, her little body still jerking every other uneven breath, the hiccups returned.
"I hate this." Irina wiped the tear tracks on her own face, looking down at her distraught daughter. "I hate this." She repeated, laying her cheek against Lena's.
"It's only for a couple days." Jack tried to reassure her, 'this too shall pass.' He hated it too as he couldn't stand to see them both so upset.
Irina suddenly turned her head away and broke into a fit of deep coughs, scaring Lena who went rigid and stopped eating, her face instantly scrunching up, bottom lip out and about to scream.
"Shh," Irina turned back as soon as it was over, trying to calm the baby once again. "I'm sorry." She kept repeating in a whisper but it wasn't helping. Finally she started humming, something Jack was very familiar with now, 'The Russian Lullaby' and Lena began to quiet down and eat again.
He decided to take the opportunity to get Lena's things from her nursery to give her a bath. He opened the door and without even turning on the lights, he knew it was spectacular from just what he could see by the moonlight cascading through the balcony windows and domed skylight; every bright star in the Northern sky shown down through that window.
When he hit the light, the soft glow of the room mesmerized him. The ceiling was painted with enchanting fairies; toy chests and stuffed animals everywhere on the floor. A rocking chair and rocking horse sat off to one side. A tiny table and chairs with a perfect little tea set already arranged was off to the other.
The large round circular crib sat center of the room covered by a delicate sheer domed drape. The mobile at its center, made of exquisite hand painted fairies and flowers. A giant bookcase of drawers and shelves was built into the entire length of one wall and tiny lights illuminated delicate Faberge eggs that Jack guessed were from the Imperial collection.
Glass figurines, framed photos and hundreds of books, filled the rest of the shelves. The whole room was like being in a fairytale, as if he'd stepped into a magical time warp. 'Simply stunning.'
He saw the changing table Irina was referring to and found everything he was looking for. As he closed the door, Jack smiled thinking about how much fun his 'little girl' was going to have in that room some day.
After helping Irina take her insulin and eat, she was exhausted and ready for sleep again.
"Jack, I need another nightgown." She looked down at her wet chest and back up to his eyes, "Please?"
He smiled at her predicament, wanting to laugh but knowing that wouldn't be very nice. Rummaging around in her drawer, he found the same beautiful satin nightgown she'd been wearing the night he finally told her, Irina, that he loved her.
"What are you smiling about?" Irina asked seeing the enormous grin on Jack's face when he walked back over to the bed.
"Just remembering the first amazing night we spent together in this bed." He held up the nightgown and her smiled matched his, causing her to laugh and then cough again.
"Stop making me laugh." She scolded when her coughing spell was finally over. "It's too painful."
He helped her out of her old gown and into the new one before gathering up Lena to give her a bath. Jack had to smile as Lena fell asleep the minute she hit the warm water.
'Must remind her of home.' Jack laughed thinking about life inside a mother's womb.
Twenty minutes later, Jack brought the wonderful smelling baby back into the bedroom and laid her beside Irina in the middle of their bed. Both sound asleep when he turned the lights down before heading to the kitchen to get himself something to eat.
Irina awoke a half hour later, startled from sleep by a nightmare. Turning over onto her other side she smiled when she saw her beautiful baby sleeping peacefully beside her. Irina maneuvered herself closer to Lena and inhaled her fresh baby scent as she snuggled up beside her. She pulled the baby's blankets up around her again as Lena had wiggled out of them and realized when she held her tiny foot, it was freezing. Not about to let her baby be cold, Irina, with much effort, sat upright in bed and moved to stand. Steadying herself before she began walking to the nursery, holding onto the bed, then dresser, door and wall as her guide.
Jack was immediately alarmed when he entered their room and Irina wasn't in bed. His heart quickened its pace when he realized she wasn't in the bathroom and was on the verge of panic when she walked back through the door holding two tiny socks.
Her complexion was incredibly pale and she looked exhausted.
"Irina, what in the hell are you doing out of bed?" He was at her side in an instant, wrapping his arm around her waist about to pick her up, when she put her hand on his chest to stop him.
"I had to get Lena some socks…her feet are freezing." She had a far off look in her eye as she held the tiny objects in her hand. "Jack…I think I just saw a ghost." She turned her eyes to look into his, finding it difficult to swallow. "I…I was coming out of the …the nursery and…Jack, I swear I just saw…You're going to think I'm hallucinating again…Maybe I am?" She pinched her forehead with her hand before looking at him again. "I swear I just saw Mikhail going into the far bedroom."
"Irina," Jack took a deep breath knowing he had to tell her, "Come here and sit with me." He tried to guide her over to the bed.
"Jack…What's going on? Am I delirious? I mean first the dream and now-" She croaked out in her frog voice.
"Hello Rina." A familiar voice came from behind them and Jack felt her freeze instantly, her muscles completely rigid.
Slowly, she turned in his arms. "Oh dear God," She whispered staring back at the man she thought dead, and Jack had to catch her as she swayed about to pass out.
"Mikhail..." She whispered and Jack felt her go limp in his arms.
"Irina!" He instantly swept her into his arms, carrying her over to the bed in flash, concern all over his face. Mikhail followed right behind, just as concerned hearing earlier about her fragile heart.
"I'm sorry, Jack, its just I knew she saw me…" He tried apologizing as Jack tried to rouse Irina. "I didn't mean to scare her to death…Poor choice of words." He added when Jack's eyes flashed to his.
"Irina…Come on 'My Love.' Open your eyes." Jack cupped her face and ran his hands over her cheeks and hair, gently shaking her as she sat propped up against the headboard and pillows. "Irina…"
Slowly, her eyes began to flutter and then open; a slight moment of confusion before she remembered and then her eyes went wide looking at Mikhail over Jack's shoulder.
She sat unmoving, holding her breath as her eyes locked onto Mikhail's.
Jack slowly backed up and watched the interaction between the two.
*Leave No Man Behind*
"Rina," Mikhail finally spoke again softly in Russian. "It's ok. It's really me…Mikhail."
She remained frozen staring at him in disbelief and still unsure if she was hallucinating.
Jack saw her small, but sharp, intake of breath as Mikhail walked towards her slowly, her eyes widening further.
When he reached the side of the bed, he called out to her again, hand extended. "Rina…It's ok…It's really me…you're not imagining it, my beautiful girl."
When he smiled she launched herself off bed and into his arms, almost knocking him over; her arms going tightly around his neck as he engulfed her into his own embrace, lifting her feet right off the floor as he buried his face into her hair, both of them crying.
"You're alive…you're alive," She kept repeating into his neck, holding on for dear life.
"Yes!" He chanted back to her.
Suddenly she pulled back to look at his face, staring into his eyes momentarily before she cupped it and showered it, and his mouth with kisses, smiling as Mikhail began to laugh.
"You're alive!" She pulled back again to look into his eyes, searching. Irina couldn't believe what she was seeing. She was in shock, she could hardly breathe. So many questions were racing through her mind as she looked into the man's eyes before her. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she felt his arms around her. 'He is alive!' She kept thinking, and 'He's here right now in front of me!'
"Yes! And so are you!" He smiled, still holding her in the air, tightly against his body. "I didn't know you were alive either!" He smiled and then showered her with kisses in much the same way.
Jack felt slightly out of place and wasn't sure how he was supposed to be feeling or what he should or shouldn't be doing, so he just stayed perfectly still. His emotions were all over the place.
Part of him was elated seeing Irina so happy and smiling to have her friend back from the dead… but he couldn't help but feel jealousy rise within him at their apparent special bond. He knew Irina loved him of that he was sure.
But she shared a bond uniquely 'theirs' with this man. He had come to terms with that when Mikhail had been a 'ghost,' a memory she held in her heart. But the ghost was now alive and standing in front of him holding onto Irina like she was his life raft and he wasn't sure of how that was going to affect his own 'fragile' new relationship with her.
Mikhail finally set Irina back on her feet but held her just as close until she started another coughing fit.
When it was over, she seemed to remember that Jack was in the room and locked eyes with him.
"I'll leave the two of you alone." He said quietly, moving around to the other side of the bed where he scooped up Lena. "I know you have a lot of catching up to do." He found Irina's eyes and tried to give her a small smile as he backed out the doorway.
"Jack…wait!" She called out suddenly in her deep rasp, "Lena's socks." She held the tiny booties now crunched in her fists out to him.
He walked slowly back over to her, and stretching his arm out as far as he could to maintain as much distance as he could between him and 'them' he took the socks from her. He wasn't sure 'why' he did that or felt that way but, he felt like he was the intruder on 'their' relationship at the moment. That he didn't belong.
"Thank you," Irina clasped his outstretched fingers in hers as they passed the socks between them, holding onto him a moment longer until he looked her in the eye. She saw his reaction and wanted him to see her message of, 'I love you…don't forget, I love you…' just as she had in Panama. "Thank you." She voiced verbally and gave him a smile.
Jack, nodded, repeating the mantra in his head as he walked out the door, watching as Mikhail helped her back into bed…'She loves you, she loves you, prove that you trust her, prove that you trust her, she loves you, trust her, she loves you, trust her.'
When he hit the top of the stairs Jack internally admonished himself for being selfish and having thoughts of, 'Why now? Why did he have to come back, here, to my wife…now?' After all it's taken us to get this far? This weekend… he has to come 'back to life' this weekend.' When he reached the library, he saw wet bar in the corner and thought briefly about pouring himself something strong, looking at the baby in his arms, and remembering how badly it ended last time, he passed it on by.
Dmitri was in the kitchen cleaning up before going to bed when Jack walked in, scowl on his face and furrowed eyebrows. He nuzzled Lena's head against his cheek as he poured himself a cup of chamomile tea, opting for something calming and soothing.
Dmitri watched him curiously for a moment. "She knows now, doesn't she?" He asked once he realized what would put Jack in such an upset mood.
"Yes." Jack answered tersely, placing the kettle back on the stove. "They're talking upstairs now… She saw him in the hallway."
"How did she react?" Dmitri held his breath.
"At first she thought she was hallucinating, seeing a ghost and then when he spoke to her, she fainted." Jack's eyes met the older man's and saw his concern. "When she came around… I still don't think she believed what she as seeing until he walked towards her and then…"
"And then' what?" Dmitri asked when Jack didn't finish.
"She launched herself into his arms." He added quietly, rubbing his hand over Lena's back seeking comfort in her tiny presence.
"They were very close," Dmitri folded the towel and set it on the counter, speaking softly, seeing how upset Jack was and realizing this was a difficult situation. "He was her best friend for as long as I can remember. It was always the two of them from the time they were very little."
"Is this supposed to help me feel better about the situation?" Jack continued to stir his tea into oblivion thinking about 'best friend' and 'always the two of them.'
"I'm not telling you this to make you worry…or feel badly. I don't think you have anything to worry about, honestly. She obviously loves you…very, very much." He offered a small smile to Jack for the first time since he arrived. "I'm telling you this…to help you understand their connection. They went through a lot together. She loves him, but not in the way… she loves you. Trust me." Dmitri clasped Jack's shoulder, squeezing it as he made his way out of the kitchen.
'Trust.' There was that 'trust' word again. Jack knew that this was going to be the first real test of proving he trusted in Irina, trusted and believed in their love. He gathered up his tea and headed for the modernized family room off of the library. Intent on distracting himself from what was going on upstairs.
Mindless Russian game shows and Rocky IV on the massive plasma screen occupied his time over the next three hours.
He avoided all news networks as they were running features of his and Irina's lives, her Execution mostly, it had been confirmed by the US government now to be true.
A prison guard who witnessed that terrible day had sold the story apparently to one of the magazines and television networks; giving graphic details and even supplying them with still photos from security tapes inside her cell and of Irina walking to her death. They flashed those photos on the screen continuously and Jack felt his blood run cold remembering very vividly watching the woman he loved die a horrible death that day and all it took to bring her back.
He had finished Lena's midnight feeding and the both of them had fallen asleep lying on the couch, waiting.
Irina and Mikhail had recounted most of their lives over the last twenty years, filling each other in on their lives and talking about their time in prison.
Mikhail had kissed her 'goodnight' over an hour ago and gone back to his own room to sleep.
Now Irina was struggling to stay awake, waiting for Jack to come to bed. She didn't want to fall asleep without him and decided she would go find him.
*Don't Let Go*
Slowly, she made her way down the stairs in the dark and found him asleep on the couch with Lena on his chest, his hand protectively covering her back. The sight of them made her smile and she felt so blessed to have them in her life after rehashing her insane life with Mikhail over the last few hours. Slowly, she sat on the edge of the couch and bent over, kissing Jack on the lips to wake him.
His eyes flew open instantly and were greeted to her sleepy smile. "Irina, what are you doing down here?" He was instantly concerned that she'd traveled this far from her bed. "You promised Alexei you'd stay put!" He tried to sit up without waking Lena.
"I've been waiting for you to come to bed for over an hour." She made no attempt to move as he sat up in front her. "I don't want to fall asleep without you."
Jack's shoulders slumped, defeated by her plea, the look on her face and her deep frog voice. "I fell asleep…I'm sorry." He rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up.
"Don't be sorry." She ran her hand down his arm. "I just missed you." She looked into his eyes intensely, "Jack, I love you."
He leaned in quickly, relieved to hear her say it but silencing her thought with a kiss. His hand tangling into her dark tresses as his mouth conveyed what his heart felt. He kept his hand on the side of her neck as he looked into her big brown eyes, "And I love you, Irina…Now let's go to bed." He smiled softly. Jack held her hand, helping her to stand before standing himself. "Here." He passed the baby off to her.
"Jack, I-" She didn't think she could carry Lena 'safely' up the steps as it took a great deal of effort just getting down them on her own. Before she had time to voice her concerns, the baby was in her arms and Jack had scooped them both into his arms. She smiled and shook her head as they walked up the steps.
Jack laid her carefully into the bed and waited for her to kiss the baby 'goodnight' before putting Lena into her bassinet with a kiss of his own. He stripped off his clothes and pulled on a pair of pajama pants before sliding into bed next to Irina.
As he spooned up behind her, Irina wrapped her arms around his, entwining their legs and backing as closely into him as she could.
"Are you ok?" Jack asked after a moment in the dark of just holding onto one another; knowing she had one hell of a day and had to be overwhelmed.
"Yes." She answered softly, feeling the tears running over the bridge of her nose and Jack realized she was crying when she moved her fingers to wipe away the tears.
"Then why are you crying?" He asked softly, moving his face to lay on top of her head, cheek to cheek with her, as close as their bodies would allow in the present position.
She tried to hold back her silent sobs and Jack felt her body jump softly beneath him with her shaking breaths. "Because I was just thinking, how happy I am… to be here…in your arms again... Don't let go."
Irina slept like a log all night long and Jack was the one who got up to feed Lena during the evening hours, which he didn't mind at all having the chance to bond more with his youngest daughter.
When morning came and Irina was still asleep, Jack brought the baby with him downstairs and was surprised to find Mikhail already having breakfast with Dmitri.
"Morning." Mikhail gave Jack a small smile before taking a sip of coffee.
"Morning." Jack acknowledged him and Dmitri as he started making Lena's bottle.
Seeing Jack was struggling slightly to hold the baby and do the task at hand of mixing formula, "I can hold her for you while you do that." He motioned over the table that he would take Lena.
Jack found himself slightly hesitant to relinquish his and Irina's baby to him but handed her to him none-the-less. "Thank you." He added almost as a second thought and could feel Dmitri watching their interaction.
"No thanks needed." Mikhail smiled cradling the tiny baby in his arms. "I haven't held a baby until her for…well, probably since Michael was a baby." He realized shaking his head in wonder. "She's absolutely perfect." He marveled running his finger over her long slender ones. "She has Rina's hands." He looked up and smiled to Jack from across the table.
Jack nodded and gave a brief smile at the though. "So does Sydney."
"I remember her telling me that." Mikhail's smile drifted as did the look in his eyes thinking about that discussion in prison of their children. "What time are they supposed to arrive?" He asked nervously after a few minutes thinking about the reunion with his son.
"Everyone's flights get in around the same time I believe, around five I think." Jack poured the hot water into the bottle and began reading how much formula he needed to add.
"Everyone's?" Mikhail asked curiously while he shifted Lena to his shoulder, laying his cheek against her head and relishing the smell of a new baby he hadn't enjoyed in almost thirty years.
"Lena's other two Godfathers Eric and Marshall are on their way from Los Angeles; Katya, and her children Sergei and Sophia are coming from various cities in Italy and Sydney and Vaughn are coming from Paris."
"Paris?" Mikhail suddenly paled realization hitting him. "Bella."
"Yes." Jack noticed the man's sudden pale complexion thinking about his 'wife.' "They went to spend a few days with her since they'll be with us on the actual holiday." He finished the bottle and offered Mikhail another cup of coffee.
"She lives in Paris now?" His mind suddenly racing back with thoughts of where they'd met there at a local street café, her beautiful smile and blonde hair captivating him from the moment he laid eyes on her, she had him.
"Vaughn said she moved them back there the year after you…died." Jack added softly, feeling strange about talking about someone's 'apparent death' other then Irina's for a change.
"I guess I realized she probably would, when I was gone. All of her family was there." He stared into the blackness of his coffee thinking about when he would 'see' her again…what he would say. "I was her only family besides our son in America."
Jack seemed to be reading his mind and asked, "When are you going to tell her?"
"I don't know." He sighed, running his hand over Lena's back, "I was talking about this with Rina last night. What do you say to the woman you love and lied to? The woman you left behind to raise your son on her own? Explain to her where I've been all this time?"
"And what did Irina say?" Jack asked softly, curious as to what his wife would tell him speaking from her own experience with the same thing.
"To stop thinking about it, wasting more time and just do it." He chuckled and smiled at her brashness that remained the same all these years later. "She's always had a way with words."
Jack smiled and chuckled with him, finding a certain ease in speaking with the man he knew was going to be a part of Irina's life, their life, from now on. "Yes, she does." He continued to smile thinking it wasn't 'so bad' to talk with another man who knew Irina so well.
"May I?" Mikhail asked pointing to the bottle in Jack's hand.
Jack handed him the bottle and watched as Mikhail maneuvered his daughter into a cradling position as if he were handling glass.
They sat in companionable silence as Jack ate breakfast and Mikhail fed Lena, watching her in awe with a smile. "She's really happy, Jack." Mikhail looked up, speaking suddenly and surprising Jack. "Rina…I can't tell you, how happy that makes me…to know, to see her smile again after the last images of her I've carried around with me for twenty years. You've brought the light back into her eyes. I could see it in her last night, hear it in her voice…her laugh." He smiled warmly chuckling to himself with the thought. "I've never seen her happier, than with you."
When Jack didn't say anything, unsure of how to respond, Mikhail added, "I just wanted to tell you that. 'Thank you'…for loving 'Irina' the way you do."
Jack knew what was implied with the emphasis on Irina's name. "I loved everything about 'Laura,' it was all consuming." Jack said quietly after a moment, and he saw both Mikhail and Dmitri holding their breath as if unsure what Jack's meaning was. "Irina is more, than Laura ever was…You don't have to 'thank me' for loving Irina," Jack swallowed the lump in his throat at this slightly awkward topic of conversation with the only other man Irina admitted to having made 'love' with; the first man, to ever make love with his wife. "I love Irina the way she deserves to be loved…with everything I have. She deserves nothing less."
"Agreed." Mikhail nodded his head with a smile. "Nothing but 'everything."
"But I am thankful'… for our second chance." Jack added in all seriousness a moment later, his finger tracing the rim of his now empty cup.
"I hope I get a second chance." Mikhail added quietly in his deep voice.
"What are you doing?" Jack smiled entering Irina's room in the late afternoon. She was propped up in bed against numerous fluffy pillows reading.
"Mikhail left this in here." She spoke softy as he came around the bed and flipped back the cover of the magazine to show him what she was reading. It was the Russian magazine that Mikhail had shown Jack when he arrived. The reason he knew Irina had survived.
"I knew when I gave the 'go ahead' to the Cabinet to start releasing information and pictures what they were for, but I guess I never really realized it would be this…intense." She'd paused for a moment trying to find the right word to verbalize the surreal experience. "It's very strange to see and read about yourself in a magazine." She arched her eyebrow setting the magazine down on her lap as Jack sat on the edge of the bed next to her.
"Mother Russia' Imperial Russia and why Russian's want their Tsar," Jack turned the magazine on her lap and read out loud the headlines. "The majority of Russians want to bring back the monarchy now that they know about you. How do you feel about that?" He looked up searching her brown eyes, having never had the chance to discuss all of this and what it could mean for their future.
"I honestly don't know." Her finger traced the blue lettering on the magazine's covering. "I haven't had a chance to really think about it with all that's been going on." Jack reached over and clasped her fingers in his. "And now our lives are being dissected and analyzed all over the world. I'm sorry Jack." Her brown depths found his.
"Irina, you have nothing to be sorry about. You are who you are." He smiled warmly, running his thumb over the back of her hand. "I'll admit it is still extremely odd for me to see my life on magazine covers and hear people referring to my wife as the Tsar of Russia," His smile grew and he chuckled, "You are still you. I am still me… and we'll figure the rest out as we go. As long as you're alive and with me, I don't care if they throw me under a microscope. I'm used to being analyzed. I'll enjoy the challenge."
She put her hand behind his neck softly and brought his lips to hers in a tender kiss. "Thank you."
"You look amazing in this photo by the way." Jack gave her his seductive grin, as he held up the magazine to look at her photo again. "When was this taken? It had to be recent?"
"The night of the ballet in Moscow, with Sydney." She smiled happily at his comment. "They were waiting for us when the ballet finished."
"Are you ok with this?" He asked softly and pointed to the small insert talking about the article on her imprisonment for treason.
"I think I'm 'becoming ok' with it." She sighed, rubbing her thumb over Jack's now needing comfort, "I don't know…I was just reading the article and it was like I was reading about someone else. I don't know." She repeated honestly unsure how she felt about it all.
"Well, you made the covers of TIME and Newsweek at home," He smiled and got up to dig the magazines out of his bag he'd bought to read in the airport. When he was walking back to the bed he got a strange look on his face. "I guess this is home for you though isn't it?"
"Home is wherever you are, Jack. I told you that." She smiled and kissed him again and then shook her head in disbelief staring at her face on the magazine covers. "And I honestly don't understand why my life is so newsworthy." She burst out laughing and then coughing when she saw Jack's incredulous look.
"I can still remember you taking this." She smiled as her fingers brushed over her face in the photo from their trip to Australia on the Newsweek cover. "It seems like a lifetime ago and yet…like it was yesterday." She looked up with a shy smile thinking about all that had happened in her life from the moment that photo was taken until now.
"Yes…a lifetime and yesterday." Jack smiled softly, agreeing and noticed Irina's yawn.
"You should rest more. It's going to be like a circus when everyone gets here." He smiled surprised at his excitement over the first real Christmas his family was going to be having in twenty-two years.
"Have you talked to Mikhail about how he wants to handle telling Vaughn?" He asked softly as he picked up the magazines and set them on Irina's night stand, helping her scoot down into her covers again.
"Yes." She smiled softly with tired eyes, holding his hand to her chest when she was settled. "I just hope that Michael is willing to give his father the same chance that Sydney is giving me."
"I think he will. Sydney found out who you really were and started coming to terms with it before we knew you were alive…" Jack brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. "I think that helped 'lessen the blow' if you will, when she finally did learn you were still alive. You've been helping Vaughn come to terms with who Mikhail really was, helping him realize that even though he wasn't the man Vaughn thought he was, he was still the same father who loved him…that wasn't a lie." He cupped her face softly with his hand, gently running his thumb over her cheek.
"I think going through the entire ordeal with Sydney already…seeing what she went through as someone in the same position he'll be in, will be a big help to him. He's watched you, seen you with Sydney. He knows now, how much you love her and never wanted to leave her…Observing him, watching you, he has this look in his eyes and I know he is thinking about what his life would be like if his father were still alive and came back into his life…" He broke into a soft smile, "Just as Sydney wanted her mother, her whole life…Vaughn has wanted his father, his whole life."
Irina smiled back with tears pooling in her eyes, a mixture of happy and sadness at that thought.
"I believe the end result will be the same. That the want to love and be loved by his father…will out-weigh the hurt caused by their separation. As with Sydney, it may take time; but Vaughn was there to help Sydney through it…and now she will be there to help him. And you," He smiled softly kissing her lips lightly and then remained hovering a few inches over her face; "Will be there to help Mikhail…as someone who has been in his position."
Irina smiled brightly as a lone tear escaped and rolled down her cheek, slowly she pulled Jack to her and covered his mouth with her own.
He understood and sympathized with Mikhail and Michael and the entire situation. He wasn't being selfish or jealous of Mikhail or her relationship with him and the bond they shared; he knew she would be there for Mikhail and he was telling her…he was ok with that, he trusted her. He believed in 'their love' enough to not feel threatened now. He was accepting Mikhail as a part of her life, of theirs,' and it overwhelmed her with love for Jack and how far they'd come.
"I love you...never forget that." She whispered holding his face a few inches from her own, staring into his own dark eyes, a silent 'acceptance' and 'thank you' passing between them without the use of words.
"I love you, Irina." He murmured in Russian and dropped his lips slowly to capture hers' once more, holding onto her lip with his own he slowly pulled away, looking her in the eyes with a smile, "Now get some sleep." He pulled the blanket up around her shoulders and dropped one last kiss to her cheek before leaving the room and pulling the door closed behind him.