Auggie of course had been right – he was almost always right. When she had closed her eyes her analytical mind finally stopped running through scenarios and doing risk assessment and one voice came clear to her mind, the one person that had always understood her best.
Her mind played it back for her - she had just been diagnosed with myocarditis and she thought her life as she knew it was over. Of course he knew exactly what to say:
"You know what I think? I think this is a gift. I think this is your way out."
"How can you say that with a straight face?"
"Every spy always talks about getting out before it's too late. No one ever does."
"Where would I go?"
"Anywhere you like – a mountaintop, the beach. You can use my boat if you want. Stay here in my house. The point is get out before it's too late."
"The last time you quit, how long did you stay away for?"
"I don't have a heart condition"
"It can be managed"
"So you're gonna keep this hidden from your agency? For how long? … The Talmud teaches us…"
"The Talmud? Really?"
"This is life or death, Neshama. I'm bringing out the big guns. Now the Talmud tells us that for the sake of peace, one may lie, but peace itself should never be a lie. If you conceal this, it'll just eat you up from inside. You'll never find what you are looking for."
"Being a spy is all that matters to me."
"I don't believe that for a second. You care deeply about too many people for that to be true."
"But being in the field is who I am."
"That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard."
Of course she hadn't been ready to admit it back then, but he was right. Pursuing the man who she considered a mortal enemy all the way to Russia to come to Auggie's rescue and to Argentina to get his friend out, only to have said enemy save her life and turn into an ally of sorts had opened up a whole new perspective on what they were doing. She appreciated Ryan's willingness to follow here anywhere, to support any opp she wanted to run, but she missed Eyal's unflinching honesty when it came to their life as spies. So here she was on her way to Israel to talk to him about what was next for her.