Update: Tweaked/rewritten September 2021.
Morning After
It was Athrun verses Eclipse in the Kusanagi infirmary with Namarra sitting on the cot refereeing. Well, that's what it looked like. Really, the two girls were getting their burns treated and Athrun was sitting on the same cot as Eclipse, back-to-back with her as the doctor sat in front of her, tending to the wounds on her chest. He was waiting for an explanation regarding his pleasant greeting—even Namarra could tell that much. Amazingly, Athrun hadn't gotten a bruise—and he was probably used to her temperament by now to expect rash behavior—but a reasonable answer seemed justified.
"Eclipse," he said evenly.
She cringed, but mostly because the doctor had hit a tender spot. If Athrun had any sense of respect he may have been embarrassed to be there at all. Instead, his left fingers tapped an annoyed melody on his knee and he said her name again.
"You left to see your dad, dumbass, and got shot in the arm! Isn't that a good enough reason?"
"To punch me?"
The redhead turned her neck and glared out of the corner of her eye. Athrun's back rippled as if he felt the look and Namarra rolled her eyes. "You know I was against that."
"And you make my decisions? You went AWOL after your parents died, avoiding any of my help—"
"So, you left out of spite?"
"Please, Miss Rymyr, stop moving," the doctor said calmly, putting a firm arm on her shoulder to keep her steady and turn her fully back towards him. No doubt, the medic had ulterior motives, hoping to stop the meaningless squabble, but the old teammates were just frustrated and taking it out on each other. Collateral damage be damned.
Namarra whistled. "Okay, suddenly I entered daycare. Either that or marriage counseling." Sighing, she kicked her legs impatiently as her back was bandaged. "Overlooking the obvious relief you both feel knowing the other person is safe, did your talk accomplish anything, Athrun?"
"You have new allies," a gruff voice answered for him and Eclipse didn't even have to turn to know Commander Waltfeld had just walked in. She hadn't realized they had joined and the mixture of relief and elation was there immediately, happy to know they had survived their time apart.
A smile cracked Eclipse's lips, but before she could say anything, the doctor scolded the older commander. "Really, gentlemen, this is no peep show. Can we have some privacy, please?"
"Seeing as you're both males as well and your hands are already fondling these fair ladies I'd shut up and let us talk." The response didn't exactly make them friends, but it made a decent enough point that the blush was there immediately under the black rim of the doctor's glasses and Namarra whistled.
"Now that's what I call a man," the Natural continued, jutting a thumb over her shoulder at Waltfeld. "Can he bandage me instead?"
"Now," Waltfeld continued, ignoring the crude remark, "I'd like to do some scolding of my own."
"Hey!" Eclipse quipped first, already knowing he was talking about her, but Athrun's outburst joined a moment later. Perhaps he had also been expecting a reprimand.
"You have no idea—" Eclipse began, but lost steam and not even wasting the effort to turn towards him. Waltfeld always seemed to know.
The commander smiled knowingly and stepped further inside so the door would close. He floated against the wall. "Au contraire, I have an idea, just no facts. Lexi?"
The redhead wasn't exactly sure what had made her panic, but the second her name slipped out her body tensed, her fingers curling up against her knees into fists and the doctor made some kind of motion to make her calm down. She didn't even notice. Eclipse had fallen back into that moment, her Berserker half coughing up scenes of her escapade and the spoils too, given the foul taste that seeped onto her tongue. Despite everything, it didn't make her feel nauseous, more like her body wanted to make sure she remembered every ugly experience—engraving the entirety of each gruesome detail. She had debated telling them about what had happened, but not anymore. Those moments were too horrid—they would never forgive her. Her breath quickened.
Namarra frowned as she watched her comrade, having a good idea of Eclipse's mental dilemma. Her eyes scanned over to Athrun and was actually surprised to see him worried. No doubt he could see her quivering shoulders or even her distraught expression, but Namarra had seen those two as more of bickering siblings—despite her jest before—than lovers. Perhaps it was just the way they were honest with each other, the blunt reality that typically tore couples apart and somehow kept friendships strong.
Lathan barged into the infirmary as the Natural observed, propelling himself past Waltfeld and steadying a hand on Athrun's good shoulder as his attention moved to his sister. His top lip was snarling in anger and Namarra was sure he was about to start his own lecture, but he just stared, silently seething as he watched the doctor apply the last of the bandages to her chest. "Lexi—"
"I know, I know! Explanations—I get it! Just—" She stopped, hitting both clenched fists against her thighs and the doctor said her name softly in warning, but he was doing it wrong and Namarra tensed. Eclipse didn't need to be chided for getting in the way of his bandaging, she was pissed and needed to be apprehended. If she snapped again… Namarra's eyes fell onto the many sharp objects in the room and did a quick headcount. The repercussions would be bloody and her breath began to quicken, but a knowing sigh behind her calmed her, Namarra risking her own doctor's wrath to twist and look over the physician's shoulder at Waltfeld comfortably watching the event.
Was he just stupid?
"Just not now, got it," Lathan finished before anything could get out of hand, his face softening but never losing his older brother scowl. The comment had stalled her outburst for now, but everyone—including Eclipse—knew her scolding wasn't too far off.
"Fine, later," Waltfeld agreed and the others nodded slowly just as Cagalli opened the door.
"Damn, Lexi, you're Miss Popular," Namarra muttered, pulling down her shirt once the doctor was finished and welcoming the cooling gel on her back. A lonely pang hit her as she thought about her brothers and her head bowed, but she swallowed hard, firmly believing she would never forgive herself if she shed a tear in that room.
Eclipse straightened her shirt too before turning to frown at Namarra and then do the same thing at her cousin. Cagalli's face was contorted into something close to anger, worry, sadness, frustration, relief—all of the above with little room for a happy reunion. She shoved off into the room, gave a small nod and smile to Namarra—who actually returned the look—then headed over to Eclipse. One hand she used to brace herself against the bed, but the other she brought back, the redhead sure she was going to hit her and based on how she felt at that moment, Eclipse wasn't about to stop her. Besides, she had just hit Athrun, so why shouldn't someone else get the honors of decking her too?
Everyone tensed and Athrun even started saying her name when the blonde recoiled and just wrapped Eclipse in a hug instead. They all sighed and it was only when the doctor shooed them all out that they separated. Athrun gave Eclipse a stern glare and went to the right, practically telling her she still had some explaining to do. Lathan and Cagalli were having a quick chat in the infirmary and Eclipse was going to take that moment to flee unhindered, but as she turned, she bumped into Lacus's hand, probably on her way to grabbing her attention. The Pink Princess had a small smile on her lips, but Eclipse was, no doubt, gaping as large as Heine's over-enthusiasm.
"Miss Lexi, I'm so happy to see you again."
"L-Lacus? How—"
"Now is probably not the right time," she said slowly, Eclipse seeing her eyes drift over her shoulder at Cagalli and Lathan who had finally left the infirmary. The redhead opened her mouth to argue, but the Pink Princess stuck out her hand instead rubbing it up and down Eclipse's right arm in comfort. "I heard about what happened, and I'm sorry." She gave a sad smile and the redhead felt the tightness in her chest once more. How did this girl seem to know and understand everything perfectly? "I'm sorry about your mother and father and about what they did. I never believed a parent could—" She faded out as her eyes shifted back over the redhead's shoulder and Eclipse was going to follow them that time, but she felt a hand on her right forearm, Lathan stepping around and tugging her arm in another direction down the hall.
"I need to show you something."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later, Miss Lexi." Waving, Lacus turned and headed back down the way she had come. Eclipse was going to call after her, but Kira rounded the corner further down, holding out his hand to the Pink Princess and the scene made the redhead halt. A sparkling grin crossed his lips and Eclipse grimaced—mostly out of disgust. It was not a look she had expected to ever see on his face.
Lathan tugged once more on her arm and led her down a different hall before she saw Kira and Lacus meet. Frankly, Eclipse didn't want to know anything about their potential relationship, but—no doubt—she would hear about it later. At that point, however, she probably shouldn't disobey her brother a second time, so she nodded and followed him obediently.
Namarra stopped just outside of the infirmary, watching the other people disperse and—surprising even herself—started feeling a little jealous. It was a petty emotion and one she decided to shove away immediately, but anger replaced it, her face slipping into a scowl.
"Well, that's an ugly look for such a charming young girl."
Looking to her left, she saw Commander Waltfeld leaning back against the wall not far from where she had paused. There was no smile on his face, but a vague amusement, as if her emotions were a teleprompter and she snorted.
"Spend a couple more days around me and you'll realize I'm definitely not charming."
Waltfeld shrugged and flicked his head down the hall, offering her to follow. Having nothing against the idea, she kicked off after him.
"Alright, maybe charming wasn't entirely accurate, but I actually think you're the first person to look at Lexi with any sort of envy," he continued.
She was so mesmerized by the empty shirt sleeve dangling beside him the comment startled her. "You look familiar. Do I know you?"
"Oh, my apologies. The name's Andrew Waltfeld, formerly a commander in the ZAFT military."
"Ah, you're that commander, aren't you?"
"Yup. I'm the one who proposed to her."
"Huh?"
He gave a soft chuckle and flicked his head to the left at the first corner. "Long story, but I guess I could try to fill in some blanks for you. I was her part-time commanding officer on Earth and her fulltime coffee tutor." Namarra frowned and the older man's chuckle grew in strength. "Not much sense of humor, huh?"
She shrugged. "You just caught me on a bad day is all."
"Or would a bad week be more appropriate?"
The way he said it made her pause, reaching out a hand to grab the wall and stop her momentum. While the others in the infirmary only seemed to speculate at what was going on, this man outright admitted he knew. Maybe in not so many words, but if he was so close to Eclipse, no doubt he had some inclination at what Berserkers were capable of. Looking at his missing limbs, Namarra recalled his brush with death and she also knew Eclipse could have possibly kept the even from happening completely. Wouldn't he want revenge instead? Or some other primal form of vengeance? And if he did know firsthand a Berserker's talents, then what the hell was he still doing around? And what would happen if he knew Namarra was one too?
"Remarkable," she breathed, feeling surprise twinge past the anger. When she was still in the Earth Forces the only people to give her any kind of acknowledgement or even affection were her three brothers. No one else acted like she even existed; as if the word Freak was pasted on her forehead. But here, practically everyone knew Eclipse was a Berserker and only a small few gave her a wide breadth because of it. If anything, it made those closest to her stay close.
She could feel her Berserker stirring unhappily beneath the surface after that thought.
"In many ways, yes, I'm remarkable," Waltfeld joked, stopping a little further down. "But if you're referring to my comment, I'm thinking you just don't know me very well." He gave a small smile and nodded back down the hall. "C'mon, let me pour you a cup of coffee and you can tell me how bad Lexi really was on that satellite."
Eclipse stared at her brother, watching his face instead of down at the screen he was pointing at. Cagalli had left to grab something from the bridgeso they were alone in his room, the only light source a computer and the message Lathan had said she needed to see. Based on his urgency, she really didn't want to read what it said. All he mentioned was the sender.
Their parents.
"Mine's only a carbon copy and both the Archangel and Kusanagi received copies as well. I have a feeling yours is the original."
"Okay, so you're saying we should go see mine?"
"No, I'm just explaining that—"
"And does this mean they're still—"
"No, we received this the day after they were killed—"
"It took that long to get here? In this day and—"
"I don't know why it took so long, but—"
"Well, maybe we should start looking into our communication connections and make sure—"
Lathan sighed, stepping in front of the screen and putting two hands on her shoulders. Shaking them once, he stared at her hard. "Lexi, that's not the point. Please just read it so we can move on."
"So we can move on? Lathan, it's gonna take a lot more than a simple email to make us move on. They're gone—dust. Nothing to mourn. Nothing to bury—"
"Lexi—honestly!" He sighed again and Eclipse started getting nervous once more. Obviously, there was something to this message that she wasn't comprehending, but she was still too anxious to actually look at it herself. Lathan knew practically every stall tactic she had so, no doubt, he had caught on a long time ago, but he was being patient with her. Sometimes she really had no idea how they shared the same genetics.
"Lathan, what's in that message?"
"Lexi, you have to read it yourself, so please." He stepped aside and motioned for her to sit down. She stepped forward, but leaned instead, her arms braced against the back of the chair as she began.
Sent: C.E. 71 June 28
Lexi Rymyr,
This is an official notification alerting you to your current status in the Orb Union.
Based on your traitorous actions performed on June 15th you are hereby exiled from Orb. Any attempt at reentering the country will result in immediate arrest and containment until judgment can be passed. If any persons assist you in reentry, they will also be tried as assisting you in crime and the appropriate actions will be taken.
This notification is final and no judicial acts can be taken henceforth. If a retrial is insisted, the current Chief Representative and cabinet members will act accordingly.
Bryce and Emilia Rymyr
Representatives of the Orb Union
Atlantic Federation Liaisons
She could feel Lathan's eyes on her as she read, but was unaware of anyone else who had stepped into the room. Cagalli's voice could be heard right behind her, but it sounded distant and incoherent, the blood rushing to Eclipse's face in a flush. Apparently, she was talking to Lathan, but the redhead was more concerned about the voice in her own head than the ones around her.
The Berserker taunted her, showing images of what she had done to Melanie and then revealing her own imagination's interpretation of the explosion that killed her parents. "It was all for nothing," the Berserker kept saying, her chuckling accenting every gory detail. "You avenged them just to hear they banished you from your own country—oh wait, actually you didn't even get as far as revenge."
Eclipse took a deep breath to force the voice away, but the Berserker was just too close to her now. The door that used to lock her away had weakened considerably since her last rampage, allowing her other half too much leeway.
"You failed at that too."
"Shut up!" Eclipse screamed, causing the two behind her to jump. One of them slapped the wall in order to steady him or herself, and another knocked aside the stack of books on the dresser. The assorted banging as they hit the wall was almost comforting.
"Lexi—" Cagalli began.
"Seriously? You exile me the day after we leave for space and then die just after that? How can I get pissed at you now?" She hit the chair and felt her body lift in the anti-gravity, but the most frustrating thing was the Berserker influencing her rage.
And she couldn't do anything about it.
"You send me this shit—to your own daughter! Then you die!"
"Lexi, stop," Lathan ordered, putting a firm grip on her arm and pulling her back away from the computer. He managed to get her all the way out of the room, Cagalli standing in the doorway so it wouldn't shut on either of them—but she could tell he was starting to get upset too, even if she was in a clouded rage.
"Lathan, let go of me."
"I plan on it, but I don't want you to destroy any of my equipment." He should have been scared, hell he should have been terrified, but somehow he stood still. The Berserker stared at him hard, but Lathan didn't back away. It took her a moment, but she remembered how her brother had shown resilience in the past, going back as far as when she was a kid. Impressive feat really, and it was a high level of confidence given he had no prior military experience other than mechanic assignments at bases.
"Just leave her alone for a while, okay?" the Berserker said, turning and heading off to the hanger.
"Her?" Cagalli asked, reaching out to put a hand on Eclipse's shoulder before she got too far. It was a firm grip, but the Berserker could feel it shaking as the fingers touched down. "Why did you say, 'her'?"
The Berserker turned, cocked her head to the side and grinned. "Just a slip of the tongue."
Cagalli must not have been convinced because she pulled Eclipse back towards her when she attempted to take off again. "C'mon, let's chat."
"Cags—"
The blonde held up a hand, silencing Lathan and the Berserker cocked an eyebrow. letting Cagalli lead her down the hallway to the Reagan's hanger. Apparently, she didn't trust Eclipse around the mechanics in the main hanger of the Kusanagi, but the fact that she wanted to talk alone with her was admirable. Stopping at the catwalk, she let go of her cousin and stared out at the two empty mobile suit slots, the Stealth and the Decay still docked at the Archangel.
The Berserker played along.
"I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm sorry about how this all turned out."
Eclipse shrugged. "Shit happens."
"Is that my cousin saying that, or her other half? Honestly, I don't get how that works, so why don't you enlighten me."
"Right to the point, huh?" The Berserker laughed, a short burst of sound she hoped would have at least unnerved the blonde, but she didn't seem affected. "Would you be satisfied if I told you I really don't know myself?"
"No," Cagalli stated.
"But it's the only answer I got."
"Then it's about time you started learning something, isn't it?"
"We're working on that," Eclipse admitted, her voice sounding suspicious. "Just haven't had much time to do some book work seeing as there's a war going on and everything."
"Cute."
"Just the honest truth."
"Then how about you 'honestly' step aside and let me talk to your more 'sensible' half."
"What, you don't think I'm sensible? That hurts, Princess." The Berserker lifted its lips in a smirk, but before she could even finish the cocky twist, Cagalli was swinging her hand around to slap her across her face. Eclipse managed to lean back in time, but not far enough, the blonde's nails barely scratching the bottom of her chin.
Fingers brushing the cuts, the Berserker scowled. "Seriously? Now, what was that for?"
"You mocking me. Now step the hell aside and let me talk to my cousin."
Impressed, Eclipse managed a smile and stuck her tongue down to swipe a lick at the nicked skin before rubbing the sting from the bottom of her chin. "Huh," the Berserker muttered, her shoulders bobbing up in as shrug as her pupils slowly faded back and the smile flipped down to a frown. "Sor—"
"Feeling better?" Cagalli interrupted, steadying herself back against the railing.
The redhead sighed and turned away. "Some hours are better than others." The blonde probably wasn't convinced by the honest response, but she didn't say anything nevertheless and Eclipse continued. "I'd like to thank you. I imagine you had your hands full trying to keep Lathan under control."
It was Cagalli's turn to shrug. "It's what family does, right? Everyone was on edge. You and Namarra were gone, Athrun was gone—pretty much everyone left behind was a nervous wreck, even if only a couple would actually admit it. Kira was taking off in the Freedom every day to go to the rendezvous point in case Athrun came back, only grabbing enough rations to sustain him for a half to a full day. His disappearance made even more of the crew anxious and—well, I'm thinking you get the picture."
Eclipse nodded and smiled briefly. "Yeah, I get it and I'm sorry I worried you so much."
Cagalli matched her smile that time. "I know it was important for you to leave, but just don't do it so abruptly next time. Most of the crew didn't even know you two had jumped ship. Lathan was suspicious and Athrun had a good idea you bailed—oh, he was pretty damned pissed too, by the way. I've seen a lot of emotions on his face, but have never seen him that angry."
Eclipse wasn't really sure what she meant by that one and didn't prod any further, her eyebrow arching at the insinuation instead. Perhaps she really didn't want to know.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Eclipse replied.
"Did you get 'em?"
The redhead felt her smile slip and—based on her cousin's fair face drooping as well—Cagalli had been expecting a more positive response despite her strive for pacifism. The sad thing was, Eclipse really didn't have an answer. Sighing, she turned to the side and replied anyway. "The ones we wanted weren't there. We had to settle for the small fry and still only got one."
"So, what's your next step? Do you know how to find them?"
Eclipse shook her head. "No, not really. We might have to wait for them to show up again."
Cagalli gripped the handle. "Like watch the television for some kind of terrorist attack? Is that really all you can do?"
She shrugged. "Seeing as we have a chance to properly end this war—or whatever the hell we're doing up here—my demons'll have to be put on the back burner."
"Hah!" Cagalli scoffed, not so much as a condescending sister, but more like a realistic observer. "A martyr now, are you?"
The redhead blinked. "Not intentionally. I just thought it was a rational decision."
"Then your 'rational' thinking is skewed." The blonde put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her, a gesture that surprised Eclipse more than she thought it would. After all, Cagalli had just seen her Berserker and yet there she was offering physical contact. "Just remember, the next time you disappear like that—"
"Yeah, yeah, you're gonna threaten me with some kind of disfigurement and extreme pain. Trust me, it's overrated."
Cagalli pulled out of the embrace and cocked her head, confusion adding a dullness to her face, but Eclipse just countered the puzzled look with a head shake.
"Alright then, what do you say we grab some food?" the blonde offered and Eclipse gave another silent agreement. Next thing she knew, she was being pulled down the corridors.
Cagalli and the redhead stopped at the cafeteria, a bit of amusement on Eclipse's lips for her cousin's courage, but that soon faded as she felt everyone else's eyes shift in her direction. Normally, she was able to ignore such aggressive looks, but since she had yet to come to terms with what had happened on Mendel, she was lucky she could come out in public at all, let alone see the people who knew her personally. If Cagalli noticed, she didn't say anything and just pulled her over towards the kitchen, grabbing a plate for both of them.
Athrun was probably with Kira updating the Freedom and Justice, Namarra had disappeared after the infirmary, and Lathan was probably working on some kind of project. That meant the only people left to sit by were Kusanagi crew members and, surprisingly, some of the bridge crew from the Archangel. Cagalli gave a brief explanation that the Archangel members were going through some Kusanagi stock to see what the Archangel needed and Eclipse just nodded numbly. She followed Cagalli through the food routine and when she turned back to the cafeteria she hesitated, seeing Dearka at one of the tables next to the girl, Miriallia, who he had become so attached to. Dearka smiled weakly—although, it looked forced—and offered a "Hey" while Miriallia nodded.
"You don't mind, do you?" Cagalli asked before setting down the trays.
"Not at all," Dearka said, shrugging as he patted the table. Eclipse pulled herself down and he gave her a playful punch. Perhaps that was his welcome back, this was her first time seeing him since her adventure on Mendel.
Everything seemed to be okay—almost normal—at least until she looked down at her food. Now, it was a simple ration, macaroni, green beans, and a slice of bread. Nothing too spectacular, but Eclipse immediately felt nauseous, the macaroni suddenly looking like what she had vomited on the satellite and the green beans holding a sickening resemblance to the fingers her Berserker half had been cutting off of Melanie's corpse. Suddenly, the cafeteria faded away, the poignant mixture of decay and burning flesh seeping out of her nose rather than in. Her nostrils bled with the memory, her fingers pulling away to see her hand drenched in blood. Distantly, she heard Dearka's voice, but it wasn't until he put both of his hands on her shoulders and shook her that she finally zoned back to the cafeteria. Looking down at her hands, she saw they were clean.
"Hey, what happened?" He didn't look worried, per se, more confused. Based on that look alone she knew she had faded out and the migraine began brewing immediately, the sharp pain behind her eyes growing intense quickly and she shut her eyes..
"You alright?" Dearka asked again, but didn't have time to say anything else.
The redhead jumped up from her seat and scrambled out of the room, rushing into the bathroom and pulling herself down onto the toilet. She made it just in time, feeling her stomach crunching back to her spine in some effort to vomit. The problem was, she hadn't eaten anything since she had been released from the infirmary, but feeling her body react so violently, she couldn't say it didn't try its hardest to find something.
She concentrated on the toilet, her thumbs shaking as they unconsciously stroked the plastic seat in an effort to find some stability. It was just a memory. Memories couldn't hurt anyone. Slowly, her breathing steadied as she continued reminding herself of that, but it was a futile effort, another heave sending her crumbling over the seat and her head twitching as the bile seeped out her nostrils.
She hadn't had the chance to shut the door behind her, and she heard someone knock, seeming to have enough politeness to wait until she had begun calming down.
Not bothering to turn around, she spit into the toilet. "Just give me a minute."
"Ah, this answers my question then. You didn't get them."
It was Dearka and she spit again, a curse following the bile down into the toilet. His voice was unmistakable and so was his anger. That she could feel even without having to see him. "And why can't this response be because I finished the job? It's not like me killing my friends wouldn't have some kind of effect." She spit again and flushed. Grabbing some toilet paper, she blew her nose before finally turning towards him.
Dearka frowned. "Somehow I think there's more guilt mixed into that vomit than success."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"You haven't been able to make eye contact with me since you got back."
"This is the first chance I've had." She threw the tissue into the toilet and flushed again. Standing, she had to look up to meet him in the eye, but her intimidation never had anything to do with height. "Why are you so angry, Dearka?"
His eyes narrowed. "You said you'd handle it."
"I am handling it."
"Is that why they're still alive?"
"They didn't just come in one huge group, you know."
"You got a trace on them though, right?"
"Damn it, Dearka, why the interrogation?"
He slammed his palm against the door, even making Eclipse jump. "They killed my father!"
"And my parents are dead too, if you failed to remember."
He snorted, his chin moving up in disgust. "Yeah, but you weren't even close to them."
"Wha—"
"Isn't that why you have the Berserker? I mean, I've seen glimpses of what it can do. Why not embrace it and—"
Eclipse gripped his shoulders and shoved him out into the hallway, the anti-gravity kicking back in once he was through the doorway and he hit the wall. Her anger told her to continue her attack and she put a hand to his throat but resisted a hard squeeze, figuring her Berserker had something to do with her short fuse and she really wished it would just go back behind that door in her mind. It was always there now and even she was starting to feel exhausted by it, her migraine beginning to feel more like the byproduct of her exhaustion.
Fighting Dearka right then was a stupid idea—would always be a stupid idea, but he had crossed a line and her lip curled. Why had he said all of that? Why would he ever suggest such a thing?
"What the hell, Dearka?"
"What's the point of having that kind of ability if you don't use it to your advantage?" he snapped back, his head bobbing towards hers as his hands moved to hers at his throat.
"You know nothing about it!"
"These people killed our parents, you go all berserk and run out before anyone can even try to talk some sense into you yet you come back empty handed?"
"Shut up!" she screamed, abandoning her original composure and tightening her hand. "Don't you dare tell me what to do—"
Dearka was more agile than the redhead had anticipated. Her traps were rarely broken and especially when the Berserker was so close to the surface, but he did just that, swinging his elbow across his front to hit her on the side of her head and then reversing the hold. Before she knew it, her back was against the wall and a forearm was up under her chin, his face leaning in towards hers.
"I can't even be there to bury him," he hissed.
"No one's stopping you," she ground out. "Just go if you want to."
"My mother thinks I'm dead too. She lost the two men in her life—"
"So you're taking your anger out on me? A little juvenile, aren't we?"
By that time, they had gained an audience. Most of them were probably more eager to see the fight play out than stop it, so their cheers did nothing more than annoy the ones genuinely there to help; the real ones being Mu, Murdoch, and Miriallia; "M" to the third. Cagalli seemed to have been the one to find two "proper" adults and that was definitely a sign of maturity if she knew she didn't have the power to do everything.
"You're calling me juvenile?" Dearka spat. "You? The one with the anger issues?"
"Oh, now they're issues? What happened with them being a gift?"
Murdoch hooked his arms under Dearka's and pulled him backwards while Mu stepped in between them, putting a hand on Eclipse's shoulder to probably bother assess the damage and make sure she didn't continue the fight.
"I-I had to watch the funeral on television," Dearka continued, his voice beginning to falter at that admittance. "On a fuckin' screen! And you come back telling me you didn't get any justice?"
"Dearka—" Mu started.
"What is your definition of justice?" Eclipse countered, leaning forward and straining against Mu's hold. "Perhaps I should just give you the coordinates next time so you can do it yourself!"
"You want an example of justice?"
"Dearka, stop!" Miriallia stepped towards them, her hand reaching out to steady the Buster pilot but Eclipse didn't even pay attention to her. Dearka didn't seem to notice either.
"You getting exiled from Orb by your dead parents. Now that's rich." The audience grew still and some even gasped, but Dearka seemed to gain momentum by their surprise. "Maybe that's the real reason you didn't kill them all. Your own sense of justice was dragging out your revenge on the parents who betrayed you."
"Enough, kid!" Murdoch yelled, throwing Dearka off to the side and then pushing him down the hallway. "Go cool off!"
"You bastard!" was the only thing Eclipse managed to shout in retaliation, Miriallia pausing to look at her before following the same path as the blonde down the hall.
"You cool it too," Mu ordered, grabbing Eclipse's shoulder and shoving her down the hall in the opposite direction. "Go now before I put you in the brig."
She was about to argue; the words were so close to spilling out, but she stopped. It was useless and she grounded out a snarl instead, Mu's return expression silencing the argument before it started and she finally gave in, huffing as she retreated down the hall.
Eclipse ended up back on the Archangel, having fled the Kusanagi entirely and stared up at the Stealth, surprised at how often her subconscious drew her back to the war machine. After everything that had been happening, her want for the simplicity of fighting made sense, but it had been nearly a year since she had had that kind of desire. Going back to that frame of mind was appealing, but all the work it would take to avoid her new friends didn't sound worth it. Hell, she had joined them willingly on whatever crusade this was.
Sighing, the redhead pushed off to her machine and opened the cockpit, turning and then slipping down into the bucket seat. Her butt hit the cushion first and she sighed, curling her legs to her chest and resting her forehead on her knees. The small movement made her body shift in the enclosed space, leaving the seat and floating just above it, the back of her head brushing against the top of the cockpit as her mood continued to sour.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry, you idiot, she thought, but even she was observant enough to know the chant would provide just as much defense against the tears as it would soothe her headache. Taking a breath, she pressed a button and closed the hatch, willing herself to just get it over with.
Namarra poked her head out of the Decay when she heard the cockpit close next to her machine. It didn't take anything more than common sense to figure out Eclipse had been the one to lock herself inside. If she was a nosy person she would have set up a communication link and prodded, but not even she cared enough to ask. After Mendel, she needed some space from her fellow Berserker and if they were serious about infiltrating the guys' ship—the Dominion she found out—she needed to start coming up with a plan and fast. They were running out of time.
Her brothers were another kind of ticking time bomb.
Tick, tick, tick.
"Someone's at the door."
Knock, knock, knock.
"Open the hatch."
Bang, bang, bang.
"They're growing impatient. Open the damn cockpit!"
Eclipse jolted awake, vaguely hearing Coffee Addict the first couple of times and not even registering the sounds outside her machine. The emotional drama must have finally exhausted her enough to fall asleep curled in a ball and floating in a metal box. The ironic thing was she had spent nights in worse positions.
Bang, bang, bang.
Sighing, she pressed the button and braced herself on the seat, shaking herself awake. Sadly, she had felt like shit, but never bad enough to actually cry. Now, she just felt grumpy.
Out of all the people she expected to be there, Murdoch was not one of them, his burly face poking into the cockpit. "We figured you'd be here."
"We?"
"The Orb Princess and Colonel Kisaka want to speak to you. Either you can get your ass back over to the Kusanagi or talk to him via screen. It's up to you." He floated off to the side to give her some room to step out. He had always been a straight-to-the-point kind of guy, but Eclipse had never known him to be so standoffish. Maybe he was still sore about the argument earlier, but not even she knew how long she had been out and her eyes drifted over to the clock. Five hours. She had been asleep for about five hours and she had to blink away the surprise.
Clearing her throat, she nodded and poked her head out to look into the hangar, seeing it bustling with activity. Namarra was standing near her machine talking with one of the younger mechanics, but she wouldn't make eye contact with her and Eclipse released a slow breath. Perhaps some space would do them good and she muttered a thank you to Murdoch before kicking away from the Stealth and over to the outside hatch to return to the Kusanagi. She had an idea Cagalli and Kisaka wanted to talk to her about her recent banishment and that should be done in person, not in front of some screen.
The trip to the Orb vessel was brief and Eclipse slipped off her helmet as soon as she boarded, heading straight for the bridge. Ironically enough, she ran into Athrun on the way, but he just nodded and smiled before heading off with a group of mechanics. She really didn't understand why he was there, but that was a conversation for another time. Reaching the door to the bridge, she pulled herself inside and didn't get too far before running into Lathan. He had been standing near the entrance and managed to grab onto something before they both went flying to the other side of the room.
"Lathan?"
He nodded and steadied her near one of the chairs, putting a finger to his lips and pointing towards the captain's seat. Cagalli was standing behind the seat and Kisaka was sitting down, the blonde steadying herself with a hand on the headrest. On the screen was an older gentleman, short and pudgy with a nice patch of skin extending from his forehead all the way back and out of sight. His hair was greying on the sides near his ears, but it still held a hint of dark purple. Across his nose rested some orange glasses and even though that was one of his defining features, Eclipse didn't have to see them in order to know who was on the other end of the communication.
Unato Seiran, head of one of the five families leading Orb and the one most closely working with her parents to rebuild Orb.
"The whole country's demanding justice, you have to realize that. The PLANTs aren't even releasing the remains," the man said, his husky voice sounding authoritative even over a communication line. Based on his grey complexion, they had been having the conversation for a while, his eyes rolling upward in an exhausted sigh when Cagalli responded.
"I understand everyone's angry," the blonde began, "but demanding the bodies right now—given your recent decision to join the Alliance and their relations with the PLANTs—is just going to start a conflict the country can't afford to fight."
"So we're just to take their word for it they're gone?"
"Are you honestly so stubborn you'd challenge their ability in pronouncing someone dead?"
"Princess," he began, leaning forward in his chair and coming uncomfortably close to the screen, "the Rymyrs deserve to be in their own country."
"Yes, we are both in agreement with that, but the means—"
"So, you're telling me we should just have the memorial service without the bodies simply because—"
"Watch your tone," Cagalli spat. "I don't give a damn about your reasoning for joining the Alliance, but it better as hell not be because you blame the PLANTs for this mess. Especially since the EA was the one who—"
"Careful, Princess, you're way too far away to be ordering me around right now," Unato threatened. "The only reason I contacted you about this matter was because of your relation to the deceased. I'm not going into policy with you just for that sake of some argument." He leaned back from the screen and laced his fingers together on the desk in front of him, his authority prevailing in that simple gesture and Eclipse saw Cagalli's fingers twitch on the back of the seat. "Now, your opinions on the memorial, if you please."
Eclipse didn't like his attitude and was even considering lashing out when Lathan put a hand on her shoulder. Bringing his finger up to his lips again, he shook his head, pointed at her then to the floor. Pushing off, he joined Cagalli behind Kisaka.
"Good evening, sir."
Unato looked startled at first and muttered through his condolences before correcting Lathan. "It's morning here, Mr. Rymyr."
He shrugged. "Don't you think I should have a say in this memorial?"
The older man seemed offended at first, but soon his features relaxed. "Alright then, what are your thoughts?"
"Having a public memorial will put the people's minds at rest and give them some kind of closure instead of fuming about not having the remains. When we return to the country—hopefully with the bodies—we can have another, proper service."
Unato nodded his head, seeming to agree with the sentiment, but the movement started slow, the idea still churning and it took another few moments before he verbally admitted his agreement. "You make some good observations and for the sake of keeping down the chaos, I'll start arrangements right away. Princess," he turned back to Cagalli, "I'm leaving the remains to you. You said you could handle that."
The blonde nodded. "We're already starting preparations."
"Good. Now, I have things to do. Oh." Unato paused, glancing to the side before returning to the screen with a toothy grin. "Yuna says he can't wait to see you come home safely, Princess, and that you should be careful out there. Now, goodbye." They didn't even have time to say their own farewells—or Cagalli make some kind of snarky remark—before he broke the connection. Eclipse doubted they really had anything to say, but common courtesy was always preferred.
Cagalli turned back to Eclipse then, a small smile on her lips. "Sorry, Lexi, but we couldn't let you be seen. He knows you're exiled and any kind of connection would jeopardize—"
"I know, Cags, relax," the redhead said. "Despite what people think, I do know a thing or two about politics." Lathan covered up a laugh and Cagalli rolled her eyes. Eclipse just heard Kisaka sigh and she frowned. "Well, whatever my intelligence capacity," she continued, "you didn't just call me over to watch you talk to a screen, did you?"
"No," Cagalli began with a sigh. "The memorial was part of it, yes, but we also wanted to let you know what's going on in Orb."
"I'm sorry, Cags, but why should I really care? I'm exiled, remember?"
She shook her head. "I hope to change that when we get back to Earth and I know you care about the country despite recent events." Eclipse shrugged and motioned for her to continue anyway. "Since your parents' death, the country has been having riots."
"Against who?"
"Naturals vs. Coordinators," Lathan finished for her. "Apparently, Mom and Dad gained a lot of support after the mass driver was destroyed. So much, in fact, their fellow Naturals formed a small Blue Cosmos-like faction and have been harassing the Coordinators since their death. In their twisted minds, dying on the PLANTs meant it was the Coordinators' fault."
"They probably want to get back at the Coordinators for blaming them for the EA attack. Hah," Eclipse scoffed. "Not even Orb is above racism."
"Most of the Coordinators are fleeing to the PLANTs and to Scandinavia, but some are coming up here to help us," the blonde continued, turning around entirely so she could face Eclipse. She hadn't argued the comment so she must have seen similar signs back on Earth. The hard thing was admitting it.
"Then that's good, right? Not that they have to flee their home country, but that we're gaining some more crew members."
"Yes, it's good and bad. Good because we get more manpower, but bad because we really don't have the room," Kisaka explained. "Lack of space means lack of resources, but we were hoping you could lead a team onto Mendel to gather supplies. Orb's short on resources as it is so we can't be confident they'll bring enough to sustain all of us."
Mendel? Were they serious? Sending her back there? And so soon?
"You're shitting me."
Kisaka shook his head, his lips thin. "Sorry, Lexi. We need someone who knows the area and you've been there twice now."
"But—" she started and stopped. Despite the cruelty of the order, she couldn't logically go against it. It made sense and, perhaps, that was what bothered her the most. Finally, she sighed. "Can I think about it before giving you an answer?"
Everyone nodded, but Cagalli was the one to speak up. "Take all the time you need."
It was another one of Eclipse's melodramatic wanderings though the Kusanagi. Lately, she had been having them on the Archangel, but since that ship was roughly a few yards away, she thought she would broaden her trudging area. Stepping out of the Kusanagi, she headed towards the port entrance into Mendel. Stopping at one of the doors she took a breath, the air fogging up her helmet as she reached out a hand to push the release button, but stopped.
Going back…
Sighing, the finger dropped to her side and she cursed loudly. What was she expecting? Phoebe was long gone and there was no way any other SIN-ED personnel would be around, so what was she so afraid of? What had happened, happened—right? The Berserker had been silent since she had slept, the door finally feeling shut again in her mind. Leading a team for provisions wasn't going to hurt—in fact, it would help. There would be no ghosts waiting for her.
…Right?
"Right?!" she yelled at the door, pounding her fist against it.
"Despite popular belief, this thing isn't voice activated," a man said and Eclipse whipped around to see who it was. Perhaps she was a bit jumpy because her hand went instantly to her hip, but when she didn't feel a weapon there, she braced herself for hand-to-hand combat instead. She didn't need to though of course, turning to see nothing more than the submissive form of an ally.
Athrun—a knowing smile on his lips—had his left hand up, his right still in a sling. "Honestly, you're way too uptight."
"Coming from you, that's pretty serious."
He gave an amused twitch and his hand returned to his side, his head rising to look up at the door. "Y'know," he began, moving closer to her and reaching around to push the button. "All you have to do is this."
She stiffened as she heard the door slide open, the "fresh" Mendel air slushing around her like some old sock caked in dirt. It was so thick she half expected Melanie's ghost to rush out with it and she took a deep breath to calm down, forcing the doubt from her mind.
"You gonna go?" Athrun mouthed, his words not coming through loud enough for her to hear amid her personal turmoil and he reached around and pressed the button again, shutting the door.
"You're an ass," the redhead said, but while there was no bite to it, Athrun's nose crinkled in annoyance.
"Y'know, it hasn't been until recently that I've started to believe that comment and it all comes back to what happened behind this freakin' door." Grabbing onto her arm, he pulled her a few paces away. "Do I get that explanation now? I mean, a punch and now I'm called an ass?" He frowned and clenched his fist at his side. "Normally, I'm used to your pleasant antics and name calling, but now I'm just getting annoyed by it, especially because I have no idea why I'm being harassed."
"Sorry, Athrun. You're not the ass, it's someone else."
"Someone else?"
"Yeah," she breathed, looking to the side and not wanting to meet his eye. What could she say? Admitting the truth about her other half seemed like the best idea, but the longer she thought about it, the more she was shying away from it. He would think she was crazy—think she was… insane.
Athrun sighed but didn't seem to be judging her despite her vague answer. "Lexi, what happened?"
Her real name. He had just used her code name a half a day ago and suddenly he had come to terms with that? He must have been concerned and she sighed, her eyes shifting to him briefly before returning to a random area in the port. "A part of me… took over," she stammered, deciding to admit only what she dared. "And did some things I'm not proud of."
He sighed slowly. "I'm not entirely sure what's going on, but I believe you when you say there's a part of you, you don't understand. I think I've witnessed it a couple of times, but I don't know what to make of it." He heaved another heavy sigh and her attention turned to him, noting he was the only looking away that time. "I don't think it's hopeless though—whatever it is."
"I wasn't… me," she continued. "That doesn't really inspire hope."
"I've seen people change when they're angry, Lexi, that's not uncommon. You closed yourself off completely until we docked and then you left before anyone had a chance to calm you down. Maybe—"
"It's different though, Athrun," she stressed, though it was for selfish reasons and she found herself backing off. Perhaps she was just so eager for someone else to understand something that she didn't understand herself and she took a steadying breath. It wasn't fair to burden him with something she didn't know anything about either.
They stood in silence for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts until Athrun finally spoke up. "I don't know what the truth is, but I do want to help—if you'll let me. No one should go through things alone and the more people on the case, the sooner things will pop up, right?"
Eclipse nodded slowly, her eyes traversing to his arm in the sling and a smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. Despite everything, maybe getting shot had opened his eyes and her rampage on Mendel had made her realize a few things too. Allies weren't a bad thing and she let out a wry chuckle.
"You know? We might be growing up."
Athrun snorted. "Doubt it, but it is a sweet thought, isn't it?" She gave a more genuine laugh then and pushed him lightly on the shoulder, happy when a smile graced his lips as well. "Oh, I've been meaning to ask. What were youdoing on the Kusanagi earlier? As far as I know, the Archangel and Eternal have more than enough equipment to work on your suit."
Eclipse half expected him to blush; to turn into a mushy apple pie at the mention of his possible love interest, but instead, he smirked, one almost as perfected as the Berserker's herself and the redhead's mouth dropped in surprise.
"I have my reasons."
"Helmaya's balls," she gasped. "Is Athrun Zala being coy?" He laughed and waved his left hand in front of him dismissively.
"I might have learned a thing or two from the only commander you ever respected. And that's coming from someone who was your commanding officer at some point."
Eclipse laughed and shook her head. "Be careful with that one. He has a tendency to be very charismatic and might bring you in as a coffee guinea pig."
"I think you're giving that advice to the wrong person." Shaking his head, his left hand rose up near his head, palm out. "I'm a tea person through and through. Namarra on the other hand…"
"Aw, fuck," Eclipse began and Athrun nodded.
"Poor girl has no idea."
Stray was napping on the couch when Phoebe's screech echoed down the hall. They were on another working satellite in the L4 cluster, probably the closest one to Mendel, but so hidden by debris it was amazing they had even found it. Based on Phoebe's hysteria, either she had had a hard time finding it as well or she was pissed about something else. Jumping to his feet, Stray figured it had more to do with Lust's rendezvous at Mendel than where a certain coordinate was in space.
"You sent us there to die!"
FS blinked and held up his hands, leaning back against the bar. Knowing FS's state of mind at the moment, the fact that he picked out a house with a bar seemed only appropriate. "Yes, in fact I did."
"How can you say that with a straight face—Melanie's gone and—that demon is—you just—"
Stray watched her fumble over her words and frowned. She didn't look too injured physically, but seeing the crazed glimmer in her eye he could have called her the closest thing to death he had ever seen. Bloodshot, her eyes puffed out as if infected and her fingers bled where she had bitten her nails too short. Her lips were just as irritated and bounced up off her face, cuts tracing from her chin down to her neck as if in a panic she had raked her jagged nails through her skin. Across her throat were blue and black bruises. Either she had done them to herself or the fight had gotten that personal.
"I assumed you knew all along. In fact, your last radio in said you understood," FS explained. Based on his past streaks, Stray thought he would have reached out and touched her merely to upset her even more. But apparently even insanity knew when to not be—well—insane.
"But Melanie—"
"Is dead. Yes, I understand that—or assume at least, and based on your reaction, you haven't fully grasped that either."
"How dare you—"
"Oh, honestly, woman, you were expecting to defeat gods?" He rolled his eyes and Stray cringed, seeing the tension boil over before Phoebe even moved.
The chef was behind her and hugging her arms to her sides just as she took a step forward. Lifting her up, he swung her to the side, but had to put her down when her flailing almost caused him to go off balance. She screamed, a note somewhere between glass breaking and a dog whistle and Stray almost let go of her for the sound alone, but FS would probably just kill her for amusement by this point. If she started aiming her kicks back at Stray's knees instead of forward at the brunette she might have begun some kind of retaliation, but FS's mockery was too much of a distraction.
Laughing, FS leaned close, just far enough away that she couldn't bite off his nose—she tried nonetheless—but close enough she could feel the heat from his breath. Reaching up, he tried brushing a finger down the side of her face, but she snapped at each attempt. Finally, he grabbed her chin and cheeks, pushing in so far that her lips puckered.
"Don't worry," he started, biting gently on Phoebe's puffy top lip.
"Revelin—" Stray started, but knew pulling her away now could result in even more injury. As if to force the point, FS dug his fingers harder into her face when she tried turning away.
Moving to her bottom lip, he nibbled that one harder and pulled it back until it slipped from his grip and snapped back. "You still have me."
He let go and she started screaming again, his laughter actually drowning out her anguish. Grunting, Stray dragged her out of the house and managed to get her halfway down the street before he threw her down onto the concrete. Unlike Mendel's limited debris, this particular satellite looked as if the bomb really did go off and that explosion caused an earthquake. The roads had cliffs and the houses had unplanned skylights along with unwanted concrete slabs in their living rooms. It was amazing the living systems and electricity still worked. Practically any resource to be found had either spoiled or outlived its usefulness. In fact, the satellite probably looked like how Phoebe felt.
Desperate and desolate.
"Gluttony!"
"Go Phoebe." He pushed her away when she tried running at him. Tumbling backwards, she tripped over a crack on the road and fell onto her side. "Get out while you can."
"That makes no sense."
"You don't want to be here when Lexi comes."
"Yes, I—"
"No, you don't, now go!" he shouted, pushing her away again. When she looked like she was going to get up once more, he pulled a pistol from his pocket. The movement startled her, but not enough to force her away. "Just forget about Lexi and go."
"Forget about her? She slaughtered Melanie!"
"And she could do it to you too." He pulled back the hammer. "Swallow your pride and just go."
"So—what—you think you can do something?" Slowly she stood, her eyes on the pistol. "C'mon, Gluttony, maybe we should both flee and leave Pride to his hysteria."
Stray shook his head and shot at the crack near her feet. The bullet hit the corner and ricocheted up past Phoebe's left calf.
Jumping back, she still made no movement to flee even when Stray pulled back the hammer again. "Come with me."
"I can't."
"You're so blind then! She's not going to hesitate."
Stray shrugged. "If I have to be assassinated, I'd rather her be the assassin."
"Masochist!"
He shot once more nearby and she finally ran, scrambling to her feet more out of necessity than actual fear. Waiting until she was out of sight, Stray really hoped she was running away from FS instead of making some kind of large U-turn and heading back in their direction. With the rest of SIN-ED either dead or scattered, it seemed a shame to waste another talented soul.
After a few more seconds went by and he still heard nothing, he put his arm down and clicked the safety on the gun before slipping it back into his pocket. Sighing, he headed back to the house.
FS was there fiddling with his own gun and sitting on the couch when Stray returned. As soon as the chef had opened the door, FS had just thrown the weapon up in the air and as soon as the door closed, the gun went off. Wincing, Stray heard the bullet hit the wall nearby and he held his breath, his eyes turning slowly to stare at the hole before returning to FS. The last time the brunette had been red with anger someone had been gutted. Another time, FS and Phoebe had had some wild sex, but somehow Stray doubted he was about to be seduced.
His mouth went dry.
"The next time you stop me from disposing of loose ends, I'll kill you." Cocking his head to the side, he smiled, an awkward little grin that was as sudden and trite as his mood swing. "But I heard two gun shots. That means you did it for me, right?"
Stray swallowed. "Yes," he answered, offering up as straight of a face as he could and trying to stare past the end of the barrel into the eyes of someone he still considered a friend.
FS fired into the wall on the other side and the chef breathed a curse. "So, if I was to walk outside right now, I'd see her lying dead on the ground?" FS asked, the grin still wide on his lips.
Stray hesitated that time and FS fired above his head. "Well?"
"We won't be seeing her again."
FS nodded and started twirling the weapon, the trigger revolving dangerously near his finger. "Well, isn't that the—oops." The gun went off as he played, the bullet landing in the doorframe near Stray's right hand and the brunette started laughing as the chef urged his breathing to calm down. "Silly thing."
He couldn't tell if that had been on purpose or an actual accident and Stray added in his own nervous chuckle to play it off. After all, he really didn't want to know the truth.
"Well, would you go back over there?" Eclipse asked, crossing her arms across her chest. Namarra and she were taking a break in the Archangel hangar while the Stealth and Decay updated the CA systems. They were hovering up near the cockpits, the only two in the room that afternoon and enjoying the quiet. Well, sort of quiet. Addict and Chicabo were chatting away relentlessly.
The Natural cringed and adjusted the frequency in her ear before answering. "I dunno. The only thing I did was get blown up with a jungle gym. Forgive me if I really don't have any traumatic nightmares."
"They're not… traumatic," Eclipse replied, her gusto fading out towards the end. It was hard to deny a simple truth.
"Hah, could've fooled me."
"Would you volunteer to go?"
"With you on Mendel?"
Eclipse nodded.
"With you leading on Mendel?"
She frowned, but nodded again.
"No."
"Nam—"
"Look, I've already spent enough quality time with you and your Berserker to last me at least a month, so—if you don't mind—I'm gonna stay back here and figure out," she looked around and leaned in closer, hushing her voice as if someone could come in and overhear, "how we're going to get onto the guys' ship."
"Ah, I guess that's a good plan," the redhead admitted, but still didn't like the idea of going into that colony without someone who knew how to shock her back out of her Berserker rampage. "But you'll have Chicabo on standby in case I get a little crazy?"
"Of course." She grinned, a devilish thing Eclipse actually found comforting despite what it most likely promised. "Contrary to popular belief, it was a lot of fun watching your Berserker twitch on the ground."
"Thanks."
Namarra gave a mock salute and they laughed. It was amazing how they could both survive that entire ordeal and still have the nerve to share some giggles about it.
Coffee Addict made some kind of gurgled noise in her ear and Eclipse had to look away in order to concentrate on it. There was no sense to be made from the voice in her ear, but when she looked down near the hangar entrance, Dearka was looking up at her. His arm lifted in a wave and she felt her body shifting to do the same greeting.
"I'll be right back," she said and Namarra just nodded, holding out her hands so Eclipse could use them to push off towards the blonde at the hangar entrance. Meeting him down near the door, he grabbed her hand to help steady her and flicked his head to the door at their right, indicating a secluded room they could talk.
"Am I beyond an apology?" he asked, offering a weak smile after he steadied himself against the corner and the door closed behind them. "I overstepped pissed and went straight into jerk slash ass territory."
She shrugged. "I didn't help."
"But I started it all." He smiled a little. "If I asked you how it went, would you still be too offended to answer? I mean, I saw how upset you were and—"
"Dearka, I tried, really I did," she interrupted, wishing she had a better answer for him. "I just can't do anything until either those asses either contact me or—" She trailed off.
"They do something again."
In a strange way, Eclipse enjoyed explaining things to fellow military personnel. They always thought of the worse scenario first and even though it was a grim reality, it was the most realistic. "I gave Cagalli the same response so I'm sure everyone's prepared but—" She faded away again and they both grew silent for a couple seconds. "It's not," she paused, "easy being a Berserker."
"I know. I'm sorry I said that." His cheeks rose and fell in an attempt to smile then having the guilt win out in the end. "I really don't think it's a good thing you are one."
"You were upset. People say a lot of dumb things when they're emotional."
"And I prodded."
"And I egged you on," she added. "Can we please get past it now?"
"Just like that, you're gonna forgive me?"
"What, did you want me to hold a grudge?"
"No, it's just—" He sighed and Eclipse reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.
"You would feel better if I was pissed, right?"
"For the sake of sounding like a masochist, yes." Slipping his arms back away from the wall, he crossed them over his chest. "When I heard your old comrades were the reason my father was dead, I was pissed. Even when I saw you go berserk I just wanted to keep arguing."
"Anger and common sense aren't usually caught having sex together."
"And then to hear you hadn't gotten any kind of revenge, and knowing I couldn't do anything, and then seeing the funeral—"
"I know that must've been hard—"
"Should I go back?" he asked, the words falling from his lips in a rush. "I mean, my mother—"
She held up a hand to stop him, not really sure on how she should answer. The way he presented the question made her think everyone else had told him it was a bad idea, but he was still searching for that one person to approve. With her going AWOL because of her parents and Athrun running off to speak to his father she was really in no position to tell him otherwise.
"I'm not going to tell you no," she started and his face began to brighten, "but think about where you'd be most useful. If you saw your mother now, could you stand the thought of leaving her again?"
His happiness didn't last long. "What if I never left? What if I kept the Buster here and called it quits?"
Despite her surprise, Eclipse felt her shoulders moving in a shrug. "That's entirely up to you. You didn't seal your allegiance or anything."
"So, if I left, you wouldn't be angry?"
"Angry, no. Disappointed—probably." He didn't seem pleased with that response, but she had to be honest. "You'd willingly leave all these people, knowing they might end up dead?"
He looked down after that, but she could tell his father's death really had an effect on him. Sighing, she patted his shoulder. He didn't look up, but she couldn't be sure if he was embarrassed for his reasoning or just that torn between decisions.
"Look," she continued. "I'd be surprised if you didn't consider it, but really think on it." Nodding, she started to feel less uneasy about him and was going to ask if he would go on the resource trip with her—having been another person to tame her fits—but she saw him glance up and over at the door. Miriallia stood there talking with Sai. His gaze made her hesitate then finally give up.
It was looking like she might have to face her demons alone after all.
A/N: So, another year of NaNoWriMo done and another edit of my original novel finished. Gotta love how you can see so many mistakes the further down the draft you go and then realize you made the same ones in the first couple of chapters. Ah well, that's be for another time.
Anyway, here's my newest chapter. It's really only 10k or so, but Fanfiction keeps wanting to make it 22k. Unless that was just my DocX. Well, it made me rather proud to have written that big of a chapter even if it was a technical issue. I probably could have added a bit more, especially of the dullness post the enjoyable insanity of the other chapters. So, a little Email concerning a certain banishment seemed boring enough. Well, sorta.
Namarra's connection with Waltfeld was—believe it or not—unplanned. Usually, I can't wait to have my favorite-well, other favorite-coffee addict steal the screen and yet I had practically forgotten he was there. How can someone forget such a character? Perhaps I had been away way too long thanks to NaNo. O.o
I have to wonder what Eclipse is going to meet on Mendel. I mean, after everything that's happened there-and two of her stability friends unwilling to accompany her-and what we know will happen soon, it's can't be a happy little resource trip. That's if she takes the job at all. But have you ever known her to back down so easily? Especially when it comes to besting her other half? Didn't think so. Anyway, it should add some action into this rather dull moment in the canon.
On that note, I'm still interested in hearing if anyone has any fun ideas/scenarios I can put my characters through and liven things up a bit. If you can think of anything, let me know.
I think I'm gonna wrap this up. My usual thanks to my betas, Death-Scimitar, CSSStravag, and Maderfole. They keep this from turning into a teenage drama fest because I'm sure none of you want to read something so...hormonal. At least more so than it already is.
A huge thank you to all my loyal readers and those new to the story. We're getting there, people!
Corrections to the Narrative:
My only read correction would probably be how I made Athrun's self-doubt less prominent and his relationship with Cagalli a little more obvious.
Questions/Gripes:
I mostly saw a lot of comments regarding my fights (Thank you! ^.^) and despite the fresh feel to most of them, I am running out of ideas. I'm gonna need a fight setting in zero gravity on a warship. Any ideas?
Thank you to everyone and I'll see you next chapter!
Strata