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CHAPTER 24
Private Confessions

Jeff had almost not wanted to come home, half for the flight, and half for enjoying himself. But of course, the weekend ended and Jeff was stuck back in school like normal. Not that he could focus, his mind still on Prowl's oddly protective behavior that weekend. And most of all, the hug. He still was going over the fact he had actually hugged his mentor for no good reason at all, and he didn't even mind it. How could he not mind it? The first rule of his life was that he never let anyone get through, all letting someone in got him was hurt, hurt and pain.

You're over thinking it. Prowl didn't even care. Jeff thought to himself as he eyed the clock silently It was bound to happen, it means nothing. He sighed inwardly.

Yet, Jeff wasn't sure he completely believed himself with that sentiment. It had meant something, he'd felt something when he had hugged Prowl, he'd felt warmth, happiness, safety... Like he was hugging a parent or family member rather than just a close friend. His eyes and body shot up at the sound of the bell, welcoming the end of school, which was beginning to feel like one long excuse to think over his life. As he made his way outside of the school, he quickly spotted a police cruiser, and sighed, of course, the one thing he needed to talk something out about Prowl, he was the one picking him up.

"Hey Prowl." Jeff commented as he climbed into the passenger's seat.

Prowl shifted a bit as he began to drive, wondering why Jeff wasn't talking beyond that. Often, when he picked him up, they hardly stopped talking, it was therefore unlike him to be quiet. "Hey there youngling, how was school?" Prowl questioned, though Jeff only shrugged "Figured as much." He chuckled "Listen, kid, about this weekend..." He paused.

"Don't say anything, I know... I was totally-"

"I just wanted to let you know that I had a great time having you there with me." Jeff's eyes widened at that "It was nice to see a new side of you." He quickly caught his own words "You know, the more "kid" side of you." His holoform tapped the side of his steering wheel and turned towards Jeff "I like that side of you, you should show it more." He added.

Jeff could feel himself blush at that, though it did make him feel good to hear that. "I guess I just haven't had much of a reason to be a "kid" lately." Jeff admitted with honesty "You know, kids in situations like mine, they have to grow up fast. It's not like people have been lined up to hang out with me." He shifted a little bit, leaning back in the seat "Prowl, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"What am I to you?" Jeff questioned "Why do you treat me the way you do? I mean... You didn't have to, you could just train me and be done with it." He paused, thinking through his next words carefully "Why is it that you care about me so much?"

Prowl was silent after that, his processor on overload. He hadn't expected a question like this from Jeff, he had been certain that Jeff would never be the type of boy to pry into such matters. It wasn't an easy question to answer either, as Jeff meant a lot of things to him as it presently stood, and he didn't want to scare him off. "You're a very good friend to me, Jeff. One of the few I can say I have made on Earth." Prowl replied, thinking through his words carefully "No matter how little you think of yourself, you're a upstanding young man, Jeff." He then added "You're going to make a family very proud, whether it's yours or someone else's." He added.

"Like I'm ever going to get the chance to show that." Jeff scoffed, he smiled slowly "But thank you, anyway, Prowl. That's really kind of you." He smiled slowly.

It was all that Prowl could do to hold back telling Jeff that by his logic, he felt that what he was feeling for him was the love a parent would feel for their child. But the mech could only fear that he was getting too far ahead of himself. Prowl had never been a parent, he didn't know how that feeling felt, but he did want this boy in his life, and he knew that was not a guess, nor a thought that was going away. "You make me proud to be your mentor, if that means anything to you." Jeff turned to Prowl silently "You've come along a great deal Jeff. I believe that any family that turns you away is not worthy of you, not the other way around." He added.

Jeff shifted a little, pushing the bangs of his hair away from his face. It was probably the nicest thing that had been said to him since he lost his family, though he'd never admit it. "Prowl..." The mech raised an eyebrow "I'm proud to be your apprentice too." He commented quietly "I wish..." He paused a bit, leaning his head against the next seat over "Nothing."

Though Jeff didn't finish his sentence, Prowl did not doubt his next words would have been what he thought they were. He stopped within the Autobot base and let the boy out of his form before transforming. "I have work to get to today, Jeff. So we will resume our training tomorrow." Prowl smiled slowly "You should go, spend some time with Sideswipe and Arcee." He commented.

As the mech left, Jeff found the courage and voice to speak the rest of his sentence. "I wish you were my guardian." He whispered, quiet as a church mouse "I wish you were my dad."

But deep inside, Jeff would only see those words as simply that: a wish.

...

"Jeff?"

Jeff nearly jumped out of his skin once Sideswipe entered the apartment a few hours later. The mech was all smiles, as usual, though his sight was now foreign after a few days away. It was odd, but when he'd heard his name called, he'd half expected Prowl to show up. "Hey kiddo, how was the visit?" Sideswipe questioned "Didn't bore you too much, did it?" He asked.

"Nah, it was awesome." Jeff spoke up with a bright smile on his face "Prowl's family is fun, and the 'bots in his division were really nice." He explained, looking up at the silver mech "I even learned a few things."

Sideswipe could easily notice the undertones in Jeff's last statement. His optics looked over his charge silenty as he rolled forward and seated himself on the couch, his arms rested on his knees. "Yeah?" Jeff stared up at Sideswipe "What did you learn, kid?"

"You'd laugh."

"Try me."

Jeff shook his head, standing to his feet and setting his hands in his pockets. His smile had moved into a frown, and Sideswipe could very well tell that he was hiding something, something he didn't want to talk about. "I guess I learned that I don't just see Prowl as a mentor." Jeff turned, staring at Sideswipe silently "I see him as a dad, and I'm too much of a chicken to admit it to him." He stared down at the floor "I know you're my guardian, but-" He began.

"We're not the same as Prowl." Jeff nodded slowly in response as Sideswipe stood "Never thought I'd see the day I'd hear those words out of a fellow troublemaker." He snorted a little bit, rolling up beside Jeff "Why can't you tell him that though? He may feel the same way about you." Jeff peered over with a look of uncertainty "I mean, he spends a lot of time with you." He added.

"Everyone else I've ever asked to adopt me rejected me." Jeff shook his head "They stopped having anything to do with me, and I don't want Prowl to do that too." Jeff explained, his voice cracking "Why would he want me? He's the Autobot second-in-command, he has a family. He has friends." He paused "He has a huge duty and all I'd be doing is getting in the way of it." He added.

Sideswipe felt his spark fall a bit at that sentiment. Though his feelings were more brotherly, than fatherly, towards Jeff he did not like him putting himself down. "You don't know that, Jeff. Prowl may be a pain in the aft most of the time, but he does have his moments." Sideswipe attempted, his optics looking down upon him "He must get lonely, with his brother's off-base, and no one else related to him around." He paused "I know I'd go stir-crazy without Arcee around. Maybe what he needs is someone, you know, companionship."

"I don't want to be some house pet." Jeff grunted.

"You calling Arcee a pet?" Sideswipe replied cooly "What I'm saying is companionship in the family sense. In the sense of someone to love and care for, and protect..." He paused "Something along the lines of what you have given Arcee and I." He noted.

Jeff processed his guardian's words quietly, taking them all in. Why would Prowl need any of that? He had family he could probably visit at any time, he had a high ranking, he had prestige. Why would he go to him for companionship when he could have anyone, probably literally anyone if he tried. "Yeah, right." Jeff muttered "Listen, Sides, I'm gonna go grab some grub in the mess hall. You wanna come with me?" He asked.

Recognizing that the boy wanted to change the subject, Sideswipe nodded his head slowly. "Sure kid, I could go for an energon cube."

Inwardly, he made a note to keep an eye on Jeff. He had never been so down before, he'd always hidden any emotions that mirrored sadness when he could. And in a way, he couldn't help but be concerned that another "heart break" could easily destroy him.