I am happy people wanted me to continue this! I honestly had no plans too, so I hope this one will still be good :) Reviews are utterly amazing and make me feel like a rockstar so please review!
I stared dumbly at the piece of paper in my hand, I had to read it a few times before the words really sunk in. I stumbled as I made my way towards the door. "Peeta!" I cried out,the paper crushed in my clenched fist. "Peeta!" I cry out again. I hear his feet pound down the steps and when he round the hallway he is looking warily at me, concern in his eyes. "What is it? What's wrong? What can I do?" As he asks this the room is spinning around me, trying to process what I have just found out. Peeta grabs hold of my hands and my heart rate slows somewhat, it's amazing how even something as simple as him touching me can calms me down. "Are you ok? Did you have another- flashback?" I shake my head numbly, thoughts are whizz zing through my mind so quickly that I can't form a coherent sentence yet. So instead I pry my fingers away from the paper and shove it towards him.
As he reads it and realizes what he is reading, I shove my head in my hands and try not to remember the last time I saw Cinna. Me trapped in the glass tube, the men holding him down, pounding him into the ground without mercy. How can he still be alive? Even if he is alive will he even be the same after so many years of suffering?
Peeta does not need to read the paper more than twice to make sense of it, and when he does he wraps his arms around me. I start crying and I don't even know why I am crying or what I am feeling. Gladness that someone I love is alive? Sorrow that others could not have been? I do know that I am mad at myself. How could I have just assumed he was dead? Given up on him when he never gave up on me? I could have at lest tried to find him, I didn't even have to be the one to do it, I could have hired someone to search for him. How could I have been so selfish?
When the storm or emotions finally calm within me Peeta asks me,"What are you going to do? Will you call him tonight?" I wipe my stinging eyes with the backs if my hands. "I don't know, I just don't. It's been so long since I have seen him and I feel so wrong for assuming he was dead... I could have helped him. We could have helped him, how can he want to talk to me again when I did nothing to try and save him?" Peeta flicks a strand of hair out of my eyes. "You know that all signs pointed to him being dead, it isn't your fault. Even if you had thought he was alive when they took him away so much happened after that it's no wonder you didn't have any hope that he was alive. Lets face it, after the war hope was in pretty short supply. For both of us." As Peeta holds me in his arms I feel myself grow calmer, I compose myself and siting up smooth the letter on the desk.
I open my mouth to wonder what I should do, when Roran appears in the door. "Mama when dinner?" He still speaks like the baby he is, sometimes I wish he could stay like this forever along with his sister. "Soon sweetie," I reassure him. " I stand up and thrust the letter discreetly into Peeta's hand. "I am just going to make a quick meal for them, we can figure this out later." Peeta nods. "So you won't call him tonight?" Something twists inside my chest as I say, "No. I need to think this over before I do anything." I look for something in his face- approval? Disappointment? But he remains neutral and just nods his head.
Late that night I am curled up next to Peeta, the knot in my stomach prevents me from sleeping as I wonder when and if I should call.
If I should call? IF I should call? How can I even think that? I guess I am just scared he will be mad at me, accuse me of not even trying to find him, assuming he was dead. But it is too late to fix that now, shouldn't I have called him as soon as I got his number? I glance at the clock besides our bed. I have been up so long it is technically morning now and the Capitol is a few hours ahead of us... Could I call him now?
Pulling on my robe I slip down the stairs and into the study, the sole room containing a phone. I dial his number, I don't even have to look at it I already have it memorized from reading it so many times. As I push the number in dialing them my head swims and I wonder what
I will say. I hesitate finger hovering over the final number before I decisively pound it in.
When I hear his voice answer mine leaves me completely- I try to talk, say something, when he asks who is speaking I choke out my name. We are both silent for a half a second before words come pouring out of me. Hours later when I hang up the phone I can hardly recall what we talked about, I remember me apologizing countless times in tears, he told me he was sorry for my lost loved ones, I told him I was sorry for his lost years. I told him about my beautiful family, he told me that he was thinking of going back into the fashion business. I asked him how he survived and he told me that story was one the could only be told in person, when he asked when he could see me again I told him I would come to him as soon as I could.
To be continued! Should she bring her kids with her to see Cinna? I was thinking he may have a physical deformity now, missing eye, limb, facial scars etc. Thoughts? I promise the next story will be better than this one :)