AN: No violence in this chapter but a great deal of history!
FIFTY-FOUR
o
"I thought that building was blown up in air strikes?" Kendall boomed over the loudspeaker with anger that all these days had passed and they hadn't looked there, believing in what they thought they knew and their contact.
"It was hit by air strikes! I'm positive but, maybe part of it is still standing?" Jack's eyes flew back to the screen and his mind raced back to what Irina had told he and Sydney, "My God, you're right! Irina told Sydney and I that Cuvee used to bring her to his office when she was in prison to have, 'private sessions' with her, is what the sick-fuck called them," His anger was back full force, "She said he had special restraints built so he could have her on the desk or up against the wall…that's it!" He and everyone else looked at the screen of Irina shackled to the metal desk and when Marshall paused on the open door they saw the metal railing of the staircase, "And those are the stairs he'd push her down…fuck!" He was angry with himself.
"It makes sense he'd take her back to the place he 'broke her.' Which he keeps reminding her of on the video. It's his whole control and power thing over her. They've got to be there." Mikhail was adamant about it.
"One way to know for sure," Kendall sighed, "Marshall task the thermal imaging satellite over Kashmir Prison, now!" He ordered when he saw the man's quizzical gaze.
"But that satellite is occupied with military action over-" Marshall swallowed hard and Kendall cut him off.
"Marshall, just do it! I know what the satellite is doing now but the President of the United States gave us permission to do whatever necessary to find Irina and Sydney so re-task the damn satellite!" Kendall was as anxious as everyone else to find them and this was a major clue.
Marshall jumped in and began plugging in the coordinates and the satellite began to move above the earth, over Kashmir.
"Ok, it's on the move." He informed them and switch both screens to the satellite scanning as it moved in towards Earth on the exact coordinates and everyone held their breath.
"Oh please, God!" Katya, wiped at her tears on the edge of her chair, hoping for a miracle.
"We've got bodies!" Marshall smiled, and exhaled roughly the breath he'd been holding in. "Look, there are two here that are separated from everyone else." He pointed with his fingers to his screen at Ops and Jack and everyone else could see what he meant on their TV in Moscow.
"That's them…that's the section of the prison where the cells are." Jack jumped up, as did everyone else who was sitting rapidly flying around the room, ready to take action but needed to get organized and have a plan first. "Lena." Jack stopped and gasped, torn about what to do…his baby was still not out of the woods and in danger. What if he left her and something happened to her? No, He couldn't think that way…' He shook his head, she needed her Mama and he was going to go get her.
"Katya…Mikhail…Bella…" Jack searched their faces, hoping they would stay and take care of Lena while he went to rescue Irina and Sydney. "Can you please, take care of our baby while I go get her Mama and sister?" His eyes blurred with tears and he held his breath.
"Yes, of course." Katya cried and threw her arms around his neck, holding on tightly. "Bring them home, Jack. Please, please bring them home."
"I will." He blinked back his tears and kissed her temple. "Mikhail." Jack paused, realizing that without this man's recognition of Cuvee's old office, they wouldn't be off to rescue Irina and Sydney right now. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me, Jack…just bring them home." Mikhail tried and failed to fight off his tears thinking about Irina and now Sydney in that former hell of a prison.
Jack nodded and watched the group assemble frantically. "I need to go see Lena before we leave." He looked at Weiss, Vaughn, and Sark.
"Of course, I want to see her, too. Before we go. She's our 'good luck girl,' remember?" Weiss offered him a small, relieved smile thinking about their mission to Africa where they all made it out alive, kissing Lena before they had left.
"I would like to see her as well." Sark spoke softly looking into Jack's eyes. He was Lena's big brother after all.
"Me too." Vaughn nodded, loving that baby with everything he had.
Jack pushed through the big metal doors and Sophia jumped to her feet with worry coursing across her face.
"Jack, what happened? Bella came in crying and took Mikhail-"
"We found them. They're in Kashmir." Jack swallowed hard, "We're leaving now but I wanted to see her first." He looked down at Lena and brushed his hand over the plastic incubator.
"Oh Thank God!" Sophia threw her arms around his neck, crying in elation they knew where they were. "I'll leave you alone with her…" She pulled back smiling, knowing he would want some privacy and was out the door.
"Hi, my Sweet Girl," Jack felt his tears burning his eyes looking at her tiny still body, "I found your Mama…and your big sister and I have to leave you now, I'm going to bring them home." His tears fell over his eyes, "I will be back with them as fast as I can. Mama is going to be so happy to see you. So you keep fighting, and get stronger. I love you, Sweetheart. I'm going to miss you, but I promise I'll be back. Oh, baby girl, hang on. I love you, Lena. I love you." His heart ached for her to wake up and look into his eyes and he blinked back more tears, "I've got to go now, Peanut. I'll be back really soon." He kissed his fingers and placed them on the side of the plastic enclosure before turning to leave with furious intent.
"Mom…how did Dad propose to you?" Sydney sat huddled against the wall dividing their cells, knees to her chest, sipping on the soda in her plastic foam cup.
When she and Irina awoke earlier in the day, they both had food waiting for them just inside their cells doors. Sweets really, and that simple fact alone, let them know it was strict contraband given to them from the 'guilt' ridden man who'd turned against Irina.
Each received a slice of Russian Rye bread, two cups of soda in tall foam cups, as the cans could be turned into weapons, handfuls of hard candy, and a pure chocolate bar.
Sydney had given up one of her cups of soda to her mother and Irina didn't refuse this time as she was parched with an insatiable thirst. The sugar flowing through her bloodstream had brought her to an awakened state earlier and was now wearing off apparently, as she began feeling fatigued again. She and Sydney had passed the last few hours trying to keep their minds off the situation they were in by sharing stories from the past, waiting for the footsteps they knew would come to take Irina away; hoping and praying that Jack and company would find them before it was too late.
The guilty guard hadn't returned to show his face while they were awake and their option of using him to escape was slowly ticking by with the hours of the day.
Irina sighed heavily, wincing slightly when the flesh wound on her lower back came in contact with a rough piece of cement in the wall when she moved. Her body was throbbing in ever place imaginable.
The pressure in her pounding head, overwhelming at times though she kept all traces of discomfort from her tone as she talked to Sydney…knowing with an all-to-real reality, that this could possibly be the last and only chance she'd have to talk with her daughter.
The cuts on her body were matted with dried blood, though every movement tore them open and fresh blood appeared. The burns on her neck and rear burned with a raw anger as the exposed nerve endings sparked with fire.
The floor was painfully hard to sit on with her torn up insides and she had somehow managed to pull the vile mattress pad onto the floor next to the wall to give her some kind of cushion. Her own knees had been pulled up to her chest, hugging them with her arms. She'd eaten all of her food over the last few hours and only a few pieces of hard candy remained, one of which she sucked on now. The cherry flavor mixing with the metallic sting she still tasted in her mouth where her teeth had collided with her cheeks when Cuvee hit her.
When she woke this morning to see the small mound of sweets, she couldn't help but think her 'last meal' had arrived, spoiling her with sweets just as they did both times she was facing execution in America; allowing the prisoners one last taste of their favorites before they were terminated.
"Well," Irina couldn't stop the small smile that crept to her lips thinking about Sydney's question, "Which time?" She chuckled softly and heard one come out of Sydney on the other side of the barrier wall. 'There was the proposal to her as 'Laura,' his first proposal to her as Irina, and then the last one…'
"I hadn't thought about that." Sydney smiled with a soft giggle, running her fingers lightly over the swollen knob on her forehead where the split in her skin was finally matted closed with dried blood. "I'd like to know about all of them if you don't mind sharing?"
"No, of course I don't mind, Sweetheart." Irina smiled in spite of the pain the action brought every time through her wounded face. "Which was the one you were thinking about when you asked question?"
"I was thinking about the first time." Sydney rolled her head to the side, resting it against the cool brick wall and rolling her long twisted hair in her fingers, picking out the dried blood. "When you were 'Laura." She shook her head softly at the thought, "God that seems so weird now foreign to call you that. To think of you as that, I mean, think of you as 'only' Laura. Because all I know now, all I see is Irina…I look back on those memories now," She sighed heavily going on with shaky breath, "And I don't think of you as 'Laura'…only Irina."
The two had finally and forever meshed together in Sydney's mind and heart and now were indistinguishable from each other.
Irina smiled feeling her tears well in her eyes at her daughter's proclamation of acceptance. Hearing' Sydney's full acceptance that she was always 'Irina' even if she was called something else then.
"It took me a while to get used to be called 'Laura' instead of Irina when I first moved to America." Irina ran her fingers over her lip thinking about those days years ago, "And then it took, a very long time after I was extracted to get used to hearing 'Irina' again…instead of 'Laura."
There were days, in the first couple of years after, that she had longed to hear her alias again. To get her identity with Jack back again; to have everything the way it used to be, even if that meant he never know her real name. She hadn't cared as long as he was with her, loved her again. He could never love Irina she thought then but he would always, love Laura. Irina was the spy and betrayer not his Laura…or was it Laura, who was the spy and betrayer?
Sydney remained quiet on the other side of the wall, hearing the desolation in her mother's voice as she revealed her thoughts and feelings for the first time about her alias. Her reverie was broken when she heard her mother start speaking again.
"It was during Spring Break 1972," Irina smiled wistfully to herself as her mind flashed back in time, "I was 18 years old." She chuckled softly, shaking her head at 'ever being that young.' "Your father of course, thought that I was 21."
'Eighteen!' Sydney's eyebrows shot up in shock as she mouthed the word in disbelief at how impossible young her mother had been when she got engaged to her father. Then again, she her self at nineteen, had joined a terrorist organization thinking it was the CIA. That thought still left her dumbfounded.
"We'd decided not to take the traditional drunken routes that still exist today, though back then, not quite as wild or popular, of South Beach, South Padre Island, or Cancun. We'd gone to Cancun the year before and your father spent the entire time livid with the intoxicated idiots that insisted on groping me whenever we went out," She laughed softly at the memory of Jack flinging men across the bar whenever they lay a hand on her smooth bare skin, clad only in a bikini top and sarong.
"Oh, I can only imagine!" Sydney shook her head giggling at the thought of her parents on Spring Break and her father's jealousy burning bright with her beautiful mother exposed to hundreds of drunk lusting men.
"It was your father actually, who suggested we go to Australia. I don't think he wanted a repeat of the year before." Irina ran her fingers over her ear, tucking away her tangled, blood-matted hair with a smile. "I was so excited! He knew I always had a thing for Australia. I told him it was because I had hated growing up in the harsh winters that were bitterly cold. Which wasn't a lie ,he assumed that I had meant growing up in Iowa, which was deadly cold in the winter as well…But obviously, it was the Russian winters that I was really referring to."
Sydney was smiling softly, enlightened to hear another example of how her mother had revealed 'truths' about herself even when she was under orders of fabrication.
"We flew to Sydney and stayed in a beautiful hotel right on the beach. In those days, it was far less crowded and urbanized and with the exchange rates, we were allowed to splurge. Your father was trying to make it as memorable as possible in every aspect." Irina twisted the diamond rings on her fingers with a soft smile thinking about Jack's romantic side.
"The first day we slummed at the beach, and I went topless and almost gave your father a coronary when he turned over in the sand and I was lying there with my chest exposed for the first time in public!" She giggled softly at the memory of Jack's face, which had gone white and then flushed red as his eyes raked her body. She could hear her daughter was enjoying this story as well, hearing Sydney's giggles coming from the other cell. "I pretended to feign innocence and moved my line of vision to the other girls topless on the beach, allowing his vision to see I wasn't the only one. After that, he took well to the idea." She rolled her eyes smiling thinking about Jack's eagerness to help spread her sunscreen over her bareback. It was the partially naked day at the beach that had led to a passion filled night that lasted until the morning.
This detail, she would leave out for her daughter…though Katya quite enjoyed it.
"The following morning, we got up early and decided to take a walk on the beach. Another one of your father's ideas as he'd had this little master plan all figured out a head of time." She smiled genuinely at Jack's ingenious.
"Wait! Is this the morning you guys took those pictures? That one of you on the beach in Dad's shirt they used on the cover of Newsweek?" Sydney raised her eyebrows curiously with a big smile in spite of the pain the movement brought to her bloodied, bruised face.
"Yes, it was that same morning." Irina smiled happily, flicking the hard candy to the other side of her mouth with her tongue. "That was taken by your father just after he'd proposed."
"No wonder you were wearing a big smile in that picture then." Sydney couldn't help but giggle, and wrap her arms around her knees, happy hearing about her parents love story, realizing it was that now, instead of a tragedy they'd thought before.
"We'd been walking along in the morning mist for quite some time, watching the sun filter through and break beams of light onto the ocean…there was definitely electricity in the air." Irina smiled warmly, rubbing her hands up her bare arms and feeling the goose bumps. "He'd been teasing me in our natural bantering way that was always flirtatious. He knew he was riling me up with his obnoxiousness and that was exactly what he wanted."
She stopped walking with her feet planted firmly in the sand after his last comment, her blood coursing like fire through her as she watched him.
It took Jack a few steps to realize she was no longer walking just behind him and turned to see her standing still a few feet behind him, fists clenched at her side, dark wavy hair blowing in the wind, his white shirt covering her bikini and kissing the skin of her upper thighs. She looked gorgeous…gorgeous and irritated.
'Perfect.' Jack smiled internally, at his accomplishment. He'd had her just where he wanted her.
"What? Why did you stop?" He feigned mock innocence like she had the day before with her 'topless stunt.' "Did I say something wrong Laura? What's wrong? You can't take a little joke about your stubbornness?" His eyes danced with deviance as his heart pounded rapidly in his chest preparing himself for the moment about to come.
"He looked so damn smug standing there with his devilish grin and when he turned to start walking again, I lunged!" Irina laughed softly.
"Argh!" She yelled as she came flying up behind him and tackled him from behind, knocking them both into the sand and sending them rolling one over the other as they fought for dominance. "You're so irritating Jack Bristow!" She squirmed against him and hissed through gritted teeth trying not to smile as he grabbed her wrists and held her flaying arms tightly, pinning her to the sand with his body as he smiled victoriously.
She could have taken him if she really wanted to, but she was 'Laura' and wasn't supposed to know how to do the things that Irina could do.
These were the moments she hated having to hide certain aspects of herself from Jack…Especially now, when she'd like nothing more then to wipe the smug look of his face at having her pinned down.
"And you're stubborn!" He laughed back, his eyes melting with love looking down at her flushed face, the way her eyes sparkled especially when she was irritated at him.
"Pot meet kettle, Jack! Have you looked in the mirror lately?" She hissed, wiggling beneath him, secretly enjoying their close contact and hoping that this irritation, that always brought out her passion, would end leaving her satisfied in the sand. "You're equally if not MORE stubborn then I'll ever be!"
"Ha!" He laughed at her, seeing his plan was working when he looked into her eyes, seeing the passion starting to over take the irritation. "I don't think that is true but…it doesn't really matter. I love you despite being the most stubborn person I know! And you should know better then to take me on, you just, might as well surrender before you even begin." He dropped his lips to capture hers before she could react to what he'd said. Tense at first with the surprise, he quickly felt her melting beneath him, her muscles relaxing. His grip loosened on her wrists and his body relaxed.
It took less then a few seconds for her to slid her leg up his, foot planted in the sand as she bent her knee, quickly pushed off and launched him over, rolling on top of him, breaking the kiss with a victorious laugh of her own.
Jack's surprise clearly evident in his face though it quickly broke into a smile, seeing her perched a top of him, laughing and smiling at her accomplishment.
"You should know by now Jack…when I go after something I want, I always get it. Never surrender!" She winked at him, smiling smugly herself, "Tackling you to the sand for your irritating ways was what I wanted, and clearly," She pointed to her position on top of Jack's body, pinning him to the sand with a smile, "Looking at our current position, I certainly obtained that!"
The 'position' was certainly not lost on Jack as it was one of their' favorite in the bedroom…or on the floor…the table…the beach…
"For the moment, " Jack said quickly and softly with a dangerous gleam as he grabbed her and rolled them once more, pinning her to the sand again with an enormous smile, grabbing both her wrists in one of his hands. "I know you always go after what you want, just as I do." His smile softened as his fingers ran through her hair, pushing it away from her forehead. Irina could immediately sense something had just changed and stilled beneath him. "And what I want is you…forever and always, Laura."
"His eyes locked onto mine and I felt his breathing change, the slight crack I heard in his voice and the butterflies danced madly in my stomach with anticipation as I felt him reach into his pocket." Irina exhaled slowly, swallowing hard remembering the intensity of that moment and smiled. "I knew what he was about to do and it was confirmed when his hand reappeared with a beautiful diamond solitaire perched on the end of his pointer finger."
"Jack…" She whispered softly looking from the ring to his eyes and back again as they filled with tears.
"From the moment I first saw you when we crashed into each other that day on campus, I knew you were it. I knew you were the one I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. I'd dated a lot of girls…and never, had I felt the instantaneous electric connection that I did with you when our hands touched. Never had I felt myself drowning just by looking into someone's eyes. Never," He stroked her cheek whipping her tears softly as his own eyes pooled, "Had I felt so inspired just… from sharing conversation. And never, had I fallen completely in love with someone when they smiled, when they laughed, when we kissed."
His lips dipped to brush hers softly and felt her tremble beneath him as she inhaled a shaky breath as he pulled back,
"You are my everything Laura…and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I love you." His brown eyes searched hers with a seriousness gauging her reaction with his own nervousness, "Will do me the honor of allowing me to be your husband, Laura? Will you marry me?" He released her wrists, and began pushing off of her body, allowing her space but she grabbed his shirt and quickly pulled him back down, nodding furiously with happy tears streaming down her cheeks, unable to speak.
"I couldn't find or trust my voice in that moment. I was so overcome with emotion I was afraid that I'd answer him in accented English as it was hard to keep my Russian accent from my English when I was so emotional." Irina's eyes filled with tears of happiness, and brief sadness at the thought of Jack of never being able to see him again if her life ended today. Her tears began coursing down her cheeks with thoughts of Lena.
Sydney nodded with furrowed brows in understanding on the other side of the wall, hearing her mother's accent invaded her English more and more now, especially when she was intensely emotional. Her eyes filled with tears of happiness for her parents, but also a bit of sadness for her mother at being so in-love with her father, as he was with her…but having to hold so much of herself back from him.
"Yes? Is that a yes?" Jack asked, smiling hopefully as he looked into her smiling eyes, watching her nod, waiting for the words.
"Yes…" She breathed out barely above a whisper with a trembling voice and ran her hand over his cheek softly, staring into his eyes with her own, letting him see her soul. "Yes, I'll marry you, Jonathan." The use of his first name solidifying her vow, "Yes, yes, yes!" She began chanting happily, her voice rising with each yes as she broke out into giggles when he began kissing her face in rapid succession and then found her mouth, in a bruising kiss.
Jack's laughter joined hers as he rolled them again and again in the sand, kissing her with her head in his hands.
"I love you." She focused intently on his eyes, willing him to see that she really did, willing him to remember this moment so that in the future when her assignment ended. He would remember she had really loved him.
The sad thought was quickly pushed out of her mind not wanting to ruin the happiness of this moment.
"And I love you, Laura." He looked deeply into her chocolate brown depths, drowning in the love he saw reflected. Irina's heart clenched briefly upon hearing his declaration of love to name not her own in this moment…and yet it was.
'It was enough for now,' She told herself and she quickly pushed that thought away as well.
"Is that where my name comes from? Is that why you named me Sydney?" Sydney smiled happily with the same curiosity she had when she was little, her voice full of wonder at being named after the city where her father and mother had gotten engaged. She had never thought to ask her father this question, as their relationship had been almost none existent until these last couple of years. Asking him such a personal question was out of the question until recently.
"Yes and no." Irina smiled enigmatically to her self, brushing away her salty tears. Sydney couldn't see the smile, but knew it was there, could see it in her mind and hear, it in her mother's voice.
Jack and the team of Sark, Vaughn, and Weiss assembled quickly after their goodbye's to Lena and everyone at the hospital and boarded the jet, immediately taking off to India.
The CIA and SVR had apprised the Indian government of the situation just before arriving and asked if they could please allow them passage into Kashmir. Mikhail had called upon his old friend, who was much surprised to find him still alive, and pleaded with him let the team pass through India into Kashmir. His old friend agreed to help facilitate the rescue and vowed to a have a helicopter on standby, ready for their use when they landed.
"Jack, how are we planning on getting into this prison? Isn't the whole reason you brought Irina with you in the first place when she was in custody, was because of the immense security measures?" Weiss voiced after they'd been in the air for a an hour and were talking strategy.
"Yes, it was. The interior security shouldn't be a problem now after the air-strikes but the entire facility, save a couple hundred of yards directly in front, is surrounded by landmines." Jack pointed on a geographical map on the table in front of them, "Irina had memorized the location of the landmines when she and your father," He looked up at Vaughn who was nodding, "Had tried to escape. She led Sydney and I back through the mines, this way," He gestured to the area on the map with his fingers, "And then into the prison through the sewage tunnels. Since we can't land the helicopter immediately in front of the prison without alerting Cuvee and the guards of our presence, we'll need to enter the facility the same way." He looked up at all of them who were nodding in agreement with weary faces about trudging through a landmine field…at night. "Agent Weiss," He addressed him in full battle mode looking him over and realizing the man was still recovering from his gunshot wound and their best pilot, "You will fly the helicopter and leave us here." Jack pointed to the spot just outside the trees where Irina originally began leading them through the field. "We will remain on Com contact at all time and when we have Sydney and Irina, we'll alert you and you will need to meet us here," He pointed again to the space directly in front of the prison, "For extraction."
As promised, the black helicopter awaited them when they landed at the military base just beyond the border of Kashmir and India.
"The three of us," He looked at Sark and Vaughn, "Will navigate our way through the field using landmine detection sensors which should take us about a half-hour to forty-five minutes at the most. Once inside, according to Mikhail and these plans, the main block of prison cells where he seems to be holding them, is here." He pointed again to the map. "We will be entering into a small office, here," He moved his hand again to the point of entry, his mind suddenly flashing back in time standing in that office when her first walls began to crack and she informed them she had been prisoner, not an officer, in the prison.
"From there," He suddenly snapped out of it, clearing his throat, "We proceed down this hallway, to the main block of cells…taking into consideration the building, has been bombed and certain areas may be unattainable. We will have to improvise once we're inside if need be."
"What does that mean?" Sydney inhaled a breath while already beginning to shake with her chuckle, almost afraid of the answer and she didn't know why.
"It means that…yes, getting engaged in Sydney was one of the reasons it was taken into account when we were thinking of children's names even 'before' we had you. When we'd just talk of the future." She couldn't believe she'd even allowed herself to think of such things and talk of them with Jack, believing at the time she was never going to be able to have a child with him. It was, at the time, her-own wishful thinking. "But also no, because we didn't want to name our baby Sydney solely for that reason. We both happened to love the name and it was different, not the Jennifer or Sarah or Kelly that were so popular then. Fate stepped in and sealed the deal with your conception in Sydney on our honeymoon."
Irina smiled, feeling Sydney's blush radiating through the wall of cement blocks.
"Whoa," Sydney held her hand up, even though Irina couldn't see it, giggling with that thought and information of finding out she was actually conceived in the city with her name. She had quickly done the math and it clearly didn't add up. "Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute! Back up here."
Irina couldn't help but giggling softly, leaning her head against the bars, feeling tired but amused by Sydney, even in this situation.
"How could I be conceived," She shook her head smiling, closing her eyes against the image it presented even though she didn't find it revolting at all now, "On your honeymoon? You were married in February of 1974 and I was born in April of 1975!"
"Yes dear, I remember quite clearly when you were born. It's something I'll never forget, likewise with the first time I married your father!" Irina smiled, goading her, knowing exactly why Sydney was confused but enjoyed stringing this amusement out for as long as possible, keeping their minds off the gravity of their situation and the loss of Lena; the pain was too unbearable and she couldn't allow herself to think of it if they wanted to have any kind of chance of survival.
"Mom!" Sydney shook her head, exasperated with her mother's tone and amused just the same, "If I was born in April, that means I had to be conceived at the end of July in 1974. Explain, please?" She added amused and just as confused as before, still not able to work it out in her head.
"I was still in school in February when we got married, and your father had to leave almost immediately after on a mission to Belgrade…there was no time for a 'proper honeymoon." Irina sighed, smiling warmly at the memories that flooded her mind. Naked skin on naked skin as they literally 'rocked' their little sailboat in Sydney Harbor under the Southern Cross in the brilliant starry sky. "So, we went to New York for the weekend and then in July, when we both had time off from work and school…we headed back to our favorite spot in Australia, to Sydney." She smiled warmly still feeling the tingle in her body. "We spent two weeks there and we also celebrated your father's birthday," Her grin turned naughty, "By renting a sailboat, and sailing through Sydney Harbor. And that was the magical night and, or morning as I'm not exactly sure…of your conception." She wasn't exactly sure 'when' over that 24 hour time period the actual conception took place but she knew for certain it was on Jack's birthday. "Naming you Sydney only made sense after that."
"Dad's birthday! On a sailboat? In Sydney Harbor?" Sydney's mouth dropped open, whisper-yelling in astonishment. Stunned and disturbed to find herself thinking 'aww how romantic' instead of 'oh my God eww!' Her lips turning into a slow smile with realization, "Well, your comment to Dad about rocking a few boats in your day certainly makes more sense now after Vaughn and I capsized the row boat in the lake at the palace." Knowing exactly what her mother was thinking she added, "Yes, I heard you whisper that to Dad."
Irina's eyebrows rose in her own private enjoyment of the situations.
"I was just trying to draw your father's attention away from the image of you and Michael in the rowboat and, its only natural you're so comfortable on boats, Sweetheart, being that you were conceived on one." Irina stated with a perfectly advisory tone, trying to hold back her laughter. "We are so alike, you and I." Irina smiled proudly.
"Apparently so." Sydney finally giggled, taking a bite of her chocolate that was almost gone. "Can't wait to tell Vaughn this story. He's the one who actually asked me how you two came up with my name and I had no idea what to tell him at the time. I certainly have a story now." She continued to smile and then it faded quickly, "You don't mind if I tell him do you?" Suddenly concerned that maybe her parents would not like people knowing. 'She would see her father and Vaughn again. She would.'
"Of course not, Sweetheart. That is one of the happiest moments of my life. I'd never loved your father more then, only being surpassed with the moment of your birth." Irina's heart swelled with motherly love and pride. "You were absolutely created in love at its purest form."
Sydney felt like her breath had been stolen and her heart became heavy with happiness at the statement, another one of the lingering insecurities about those years, vanishing into dust with the absolute certainty of her mother's words that she was created in love.
"You kept yourself a secret for quite sometime," Irina lulled her head to the side, closing her heavy eyes with a smile, "I didn't realize I was pregnant until I was about four months along. I'd had amenorrhea frequently since I began playing sports heavily as a teenager, so I didn't think anything of missing a few periods."
"How did you finally figure it out?" Sydney asked with a soft smile, thoroughly enjoying hearing about these moments and understanding completely why a missed period wouldn't alert her mother to a pregnancy as she too had dealt with amenorrhea since she began training at SD-6. "You didn't have any morning sickness or anything?"
"No, I was never sick. I guess I was extremely lucky with that." She sighed, thankful, thinking about all of her pregnancies and there were many now, that she had never once dealt with morning sickness. "My mother never did either so hopefully that's something I passed onto you." She smiled softly, thinking about Sydney's future. 'She would have a future!' Irina resounded internally, unwilling to give up that hope. "I was tired a lot though, and suddenly found myself having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning for work and taking naps when I got home, something I never did. Then there was the insatiable craving for mangoes that was absolutely ridiculous!" She laughed and Sydney did too, thinking about the hordes of mangoes they saw stashed at her mother's home in Rio when they'd raided it, realizing she was pregnant with Lena. "My emotions were all over the place and I would just suddenly cry at anything, especially the Johnson & Johnson baby commercials." She heard Sydney snicker loudly at that and then giggle thinking about the mighty 'Irina Derevko' crying at a baby shampoo commercial.
"Then of course the physical changes that I started noticing, like I had to get up to go to the bathroom all the sudden in the middle of the night when I never had to before, and my breasts began to get bigger." It was Jack who actually took notice of that but she wouldn't mortify Sydney with that knowledge, "And then one morning, I just had this feeling, something that is absolutely unexplainable but in my heart I just knew. I was in the shower and started putting it all together to confirm what I felt thinking about 'why' I was being so strange lately and 'why' my body was changing. I placed my hand over my abdomen in wonder, fear and hopefulness and when I did, I felt it, felt you…that little firm bump that had grown in my body without my realization. I went to the doctor later that afternoon and confirmed it, heard your heartbeat for the first time." She wiped at the salty tears that she just now realized were coursing down her cheeks with the happiness of remembering how powerful it had been to realize she had another life growing inside of her for the first time, one that she had created with Jack from their love.
Sydney felt her own eyes tearing up
"Were you scared?" Sydney gulped, sniffling a little with wonder even as she smiled, knowing her mother must have been terrified in her position, an agent in the KGB, pregnant with her mark's baby and twenty years old.
"Terrified but thrilled. I knew absolutely without a doubt I was not going to let the KGB take my baby from me, force an abortion on me. I wanted you too much, I'd already fallen completely in love with you the minute I heard the first beats of your heart." Irina spoke softly.
Sydney swallowed the lump that was suddenly in her throat, hearing yet again how much her mother had loved her, wanted her from the very beginning.
"So, I devised a plan that would ensure I could keep you. I told my handler just into my second trimester, telling him your father had already known I was pregnant, lying and saying that I had been ill and he had been the one that had taken me to see the doctor. Told him that to terminate the pregnancy now, in the second trimester would be dangerous for my health…and arouse suspicion from Jack if I claimed a miscarriage because at that stage, the baby…you, were already big enough that I would have had to go a hospital and deliver you." Irina's brain short-circuited to her forced miscarriage of her son in Kashmir and deliver his lifeless body on her own. "Obviously, he was furious at me for letting it get that far. For not being more careful, for having Jack present at the doctor's appointment…etcetera. I was in serious trouble, this I knew. He was threatening me with extraction and that's when I started pleading my case that 'maybe we could turn this pregnancy into something positive,' it would certainly solidify my relationship with your father, I told him. His guard would be dropped even further of suspicion if we shared a child together." She sighed heavily, which Sydney heard, thinking about the fact that even though she hadn't meant it, she had convinced her superiors that she was going to use their child against Jack and that disgusted her. "That to extract me for such a reason would be wasteful as I had already gotten so far with my mark, and the project I was gaining intel on was too important to be sidetracked by the matter of an unexpected…unwanted pregnancy. All lies of course but thankfully, he bought it…and started seeing it in a new light as well. He told me he would talk to Cuvee and find out what the decision would be from Headquarters."
Sydney couldn't stop the small tremor that ran through her body realizing that the evil monster currently holding them captive was the one responsible for allowing her to be born. The sick and twisted irony brought a feeling of nausea and could only imagine how her mother must have felt, was still feeling.
"I held my breath I think for the next three days, waiting to hear if I was going to be allowed to stay with your father…keep our baby. Thankfully, my prayers were answered and the bastard-ass agreed that I could keep you as to 'not disrupt my mission' but I was warned that my negligence would be noted in my file and discussed in detail upon my return." She breathed out quickly in a smirk and frustrated sigh, shaking her head, "Like I cared about that…Returning to Russia was the furthest thing on my mind then, I kept telling myself that if I didn't think about it, it wouldn't happen and all I cared about now was that I was having a baby with the man I loved and I was going to do whatever I had to do to stay with my husband and child for as long as I could."
'Doing whatever she had to' later, turned into mutilating the bodies of people she didn't know in order to extract fellow KGB agents. These 'grotesque tasks' were assigned by Cuvee with dual purposes. To punish her negligence over getting pregnant and force her to do something horrifyingly opposing of every maternal instinct she may have felt for the 'bastard child,' and sending reminder after reminder that one day, she too would be extracted. He was obviously concerned, even then, of where her loyalties would ultimately lie in the end.
"When did you tell Dad?" Sydney's soft voice broke through Irina's thoughts, who was feeling nauseous with the thoughts.
Irina smiled in spite of the pain, moving to lay on her side on the mattress pad on the floor; her arm under her head as a pillow, trying to get comfortable as her aching body screamed in pain no matter what she did. "I told him the same day I found out, I was too excited. I couldn't not tell him even though I was scared to death the KGB would find a way to make me terminate." Her fingers moved up to lightly caress her temple as her head continued to pound. "I was so determined to have you, I was bound and determined I would not let the KGB take you away from me…and I adamantly believed it, forcing out any negative thoughts and concentrated on just being happy…and scared in the normal way parents are when first faced with the prospect of having a baby." Irina fell silent, thinking about her fears then for her unborn baby and now, for her full-grown daughter…her life still in danger from the same man she was before her birth. Cuvee.
"How did you tell him?" Sydney, slid down the wall, and onto her side, having pulled her own mattress pad onto the floor and into the corner in order to be closer to her mother, trying very hard to fill any silent gaps to keep both of their minds away from their situation and off Lena.
"Oh he was so cute." Irina spoke softly with a smile and Sydney could hear her mother's smile in her words. Hearing her father referred to as 'cute' was a jarring thought momentarily but now she could see it…in the man and father he was now, with her mother by his side, exposing parts of himself Sydney never knew existed until recently. "We had just laid down to go to bed for the night…" Irina began, her eyes closed, seeing her memory in vivid color with a smile.
Jack emerged from the bathroom and smiled seeing his wife, already in bed, propped up against pillows, her hair splayed over their crisp whiteness as she finished grading papers, chewing on her lip in concentration over something she was decidedly trying to determine, if she should give points for being original, or take them off for being completely off point.
He walked silently to his side of the bed, and slid under the sheets and blankets. Southern California was certainly warmer then most places in the winter but the air still held a chill in the evening hours. He rolled over on his side, propping his head up on his hand to watch her with a smile.
His life had been fantastic since they'd said 'I do' and life as a newlywed in their big new house in a new city was intoxicating as was her new profession as the sexy Professor he'd enjoyed teasing her with for hours.
"Tell me what your thinking, Professor?" He spoke softly, trailing his finger up the smooth skin of her forearm, causing her to tremble beneath his feather light touch.
She had been reading the same paper, the same line over the last twenty minutes with her mind on one thing only and it certainly wasn't the paper she was grading.
Jack had asked what she was thinking, now was the moment to change his life forever once again…
"That her name will most definitely have to be Sydney." She said resolutely, having learned for certain when she had conceived today.
"What?" Jack was completely taken back, not expecting her to say that in the least and completely confused as to what she was talking about. He watched as she put her papers off to the side and onto the nightstand beside their bed before turning back to look at him.
"I said…that her name will most certainly have to be Sydney now. Fate has decided it." Her dark eyes imploring into his, waiting to see that moment, that spark of recognition when he realized what she was talking about, "With your birthday…in Sydney Harbor…and her conception." And there it was the immediate flicker as her words set in and she smiled warmly with what Jack would always remember as the first time he noticed her motherly-glow.
"Conception?" He asked barely above a whisper, his heart pounding in his ears, unsure if he heard her correctly, not realizing until this moment how badly he wanted it to be true.
"Yes, we're having a baby, Jack. I'm pregnant." She held her breath, eyes already filling with tears hoping beyond reason that he was going to be as excited as she was, even if it wasn't planned and they were newlyweds.
"Pregnant?" Jack's voice continued to speak in hushed towns, afraid that it all might disappear if he spoke too loudly, in obvious shock. "Pregnant…" His eyes suddenly darted from hers to roam down her body to where her middle would be if not covered by the sheets and comforter. "We made a baby." He kept whispering.
"Yes." She would have laughed at the stricken look on his face if she was not terrified herself, still unsure if he was happy or not. "On your birthday…on that sailboat under the stars. We made a baby, Jack…our Sydney is a reality now."
When his eyes remained glued to the spot of her midline she reached over and took his free hand, squeezing his fingers, desperate for a connection.
"A baby." He whispered again, his eyes finding hers once more in complete shock as his mind raced back to that fantastic night under the stars as their bodies swayed and rocked with the waves of the sea lying naked on the deck of that sailboat under the Southern Sky with the city of Sydney as the backdrop.
"Yes." She said firmly, seeing he was having trouble believing it was real.
"A baby."
"Yes."
"A baby. Our baby?" He looked at her mystified as the reality began sinking in and the corners of his mouth started to twitch upwards, indicating to Irina that he was indeed happy if he could finally comprehend it fully.
"Yes!" She sighed with a smile, wiping at the stray tear that flowed over her cheek, "I realized it this morning and the doctor confirmed it this afternoon. She's due in April."
"She?" Jack's eyes were still wide in surprise and his voice carried the smile his face was adopting more strongly now.
"I know it's a girl, Jack. I just know it. I can't tell you how I know, I just do." She said determinedly, having the same certain feeling about the baby's sex as she did this morning when the pregnancy realization hit her in the shower.
"I believe you, Laura." He whispered in continued amazement, looking at her completely different now realizing their child was growing inside of her right now. She truly was a goddess, a body and mind worthy of his worship and now she was giving life to their love. "We're having a baby."
She smiled and nodded as more tears coursed down her cheeks.
"I am already four months pregnant; that's why I've been so crazy and weepy-"
"Your obsession with mangoes lately!" Jack's eyes growing wider with his own realizations, "And why you get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom…and why your boobs are getting bigger!" His eyes danced with laughter as she nodded and laughed softly with him, shaking her head 'yes.'
"I heard her heartbeat today, Jack." She smiled with a whisper and more tears coursed down her cheeks from sheer happiness and constant wonder that there was a little baby growing inside of her.
"You did?" Jack whispered back, as his face took on a ghostly appearance, squeezing her hand in his and moving closer to her on the bed; a tinge of sadness flooding into his heart at missing such a monumental event.
Irina saw the flash of sadness dance across his eyes and moved her other hand to his face, caressing his cheek.
"I promise that from now on, when I go for an appointment, I'll tell you and you can come with me. I want you to come with me, if you want to come?" She was suddenly floundering in what to say, having no idea how he felt about such things.
Russian men were never present during appointments and were no where near their wives during childbirth, instead, they were celebrating 'early' by drinking and playing cards with other men while the wives did all the work.
"No, no of course I want to come. I want to be with you. I'm just…in shock…I'm going to be a father." He shook his head letting go of her hand to scrub his face with his hand, trying to wipe away the shock. "I don't know how to be a father, Laura." His voice almost sounded panic as he thought about his own childhood and father.
"And I don't know how to be a mother, Jack." She shared her own fear.
"You'll be a great mother!" Jack's eyes suddenly darted to hers, full of certainty as his voice grew in decibel.
"I wish I could be as certain about that fact as you are and I have no doubt, you'll be a terrific father." She smiled warmly, her fingers moving over his cheek and under his jaw-line.
"We'll do it together." Jack said determinedly, "We'll help each other to become the best parents to our child that we can be; we'll be there for each other on this, just like we are on everything else. We'll learn, and we'll love with everything we have, deal?" He reached for her hand, scared out of his wits and he knew she could see it but the fear was equally rivaled by the sheer excitement and thrill.
"Deal." She spoke softly with a smile and he leaned in to capture her lips in a tender lingering kiss. "I love you, Jack." She was more in love with this man then ever.
"I love you more then I'll ever be able to convey properly." He smiled and it reached his eyes, his thoughts rivaling hers. The thought of creating a life together, one growing inside her now, added a whole other element to their relationship and love for one another.
"Give me your hand." She commanded softly and he obliged, wondering what she was doing until he watched her wiggle down a little, so that she was still propped up, her head on the pillows, but so that her body was lying on the bed fully now. Flipping back the covers she pulled the edge of her nightgown up and placed his large hand over the round firm bump of her abdomen with a smile, seeing his eyes widen. "I can't believe we both missed it, growing so quietly these last few months without our knowledge."
"Our baby is in here." Jack's hand could certainly feel the firm protruding mound underneath her silky smooth flesh. His eyes flitted up to hers, dark and sparkling with absolute happiness, equally as enthralled with her body's new inhabitant as he was. "Oh my God, we made a baby!" He said in his continued amazement as he propped himself up on his elbows to get a closer look as he hovered over her, his palm lightly caressing the protuberance beneath.
Slowly, his head descended and his lips lightly grazed her soft belly skin, causing Irina to inhale sharply as another round of tears rolled down her cheeks at his gesture of absolute love for her and their unborn child.
His palm grazed it once more, then another kiss and then resting his palm over their baby in a protective manner, looked up to meet her eyes.
"I love you." His own eyes glistening with unshed tears with the absolute adoration he held for his wife looking up at her in this moment. "I didn't think it was possible to love you anymore…but I do…you're giving me…us…a baby."
"I didn't do it on my own." She smiled and chuckled, pulling his hand up indicating she wanted him to come closer, and Jack straddled her body carefully, arms on either side of her as his lips met hers in a passionate kiss of promise and love.
The kiss turned into something more and soon they were making love with a gentleness that brought tears to her emotional heart with the way he was cherishing her body.
In the morning, she woke to find him spooned up behind her, his arm around her body like normal but now, his hand rested softly over her abdomen and their baby growing inside and she smiled, 'He was going to be a great father…'
"That next morning is when he began his morning chats with you before we got out of bed." Irina smiled relaying the story with a smile, enjoying sharing these moments with her daughter that seemed like they were only yesterday, and yet a lifetime ago. "He sang 'Happy Birthday' to you that morning which made me laugh as he sang to my belly."
"Dad sang to me in-utero?" Sydney's brows shot up in amusement with a smile on her face at the image that presented. Her parents lying in bed in the morning while her father sang to her mother's belly.
"Yes, he did it was so cute. And there were many mornings throughout the entire pregnancy, that I'd awake to find him talking quietly with you about something just between the two of you." Irina laughed softly, remembering one morning in particular that Jack's mouth snapped shut immediately upon seeing her eyes fluttering open.
To this day, she had no idea what he had been sharing with their unborn child that had startled him silent when he realized that her 'Mommy' was awake to hear. That moment had been her first encounter with jealousy over the budding new relationship between her child and husband.
Jack had shared that jealousy too, of course, over Laura's relationship with Sydney but both of them quickly worked through it and instead, became positively content with the thought of loving someone more then they could love each other. Which said a lot for the love of their child as their love for each other was such a powerful force, such a powerful union. Sydney only heightened that love for one another with their love for her.
Sydney felt her eyes rush with fresh tears, thinking about her father and the relationship that had began so beautifully from the first moments of her life inside her mother and had turned so tragic after the sting of losing her…
A relationship they were working on rebuilding and one she adored, hoped and prayed she get a chance to further…
"You knew his voice, almost as well as mine when you were born." Irina added softly with a smile that fell with a fresh wave of tears, instantly thinking of Lena and how she responded to just the sound of Irina's voice…and more recently, Jack's.
The sound of heavy footsteps broke the temporary silence and Sydney's breath caught in her throat as she bolted up, panic taking over when she saw the guard approaching her mother's cell.
"Mom!" She called out scrambling to her feet as the first man shoved the skeleton key into the cell door.
Irina has heard the footsteps as well and struggled to push herself upright, grimacing with her effort and turned to face the men entering the cell. Sydney's tear laden voice cried out for her mother and Irina closed her eyes, praying for another miracle. Two guards stepped forward cautiously and roughly grabbed Irina's arms, hauling her to her feet so quickly it made her dizzy and more nauseous and her stomach rolled violently.
"Mom!" Sydney cried out again as they shackled Irina and shoved her out of the cell onto the rusting walkway. Sydney reached her arms out as far as she could with tears streaming down her face, trying to touch Irina for what might be their last contact. "Mom!" She cried desperately and Irina moved quickly to stand in front of Sydney, her eyes filled with unshed tears and a small, brave smile as Sydney clasped her face for just a moment before the guards angrily ripped her away, punching her across the face and dropping Irina to her knees with another punch to her gut.
"Mom!" Sydney sobbed, dropping to the ground in her cell to be on her mother's level, still trying to reach.
"I love you, Sydney. I love you." Irina whispered looking into Sydney's eyes, not knowing whether or not this would be the last time she saw her daughter. "To the moon and back, more than the stars in the Heavens," The guards roughly hauled her up, annoyed by her continuance to speak to Sydney, "And the grains of sand on Earth, forever and always, Sweetheart."
"I love you, Mom, forever and always…I love you." Sydney sobbed, sitting on her knees with her face pressed between the bars watching as they dragged Irina down the walkway and steps, across the aisle and through a door they hadn't taken them through before.