XVII.

A Sin Upon Yourself

"Lily!"

John yelled her name in the cold night air. His brow set in a scowl as he stuffed his hands into his pockets and trudged on further into the cold. The storm was swelling; there'd be a whiteout soon, John had to find her before it fell. Squatting to his knees, he squinted underneath cars and blew out a heavy sigh when she was nowhere to be seen. He felt dwarfed in Gotham; an ant trapped in a snow globe. He'd never find her all by himself.

"Lily!"

"Hey!" Came a voice above his head. John peered up;

A dishevelled man was hanging out of his window; he had pyjamas on, half askew his shirt was buttoned up wrongly and his face was bright red with rage; "Keep it down, idiot!"

"Sorry, sir." John replied with a wave and the man shook his head and grumbled as he slammed his window shut.

A sharp and cold gust of wind stole John's breath as he rubbed his hands together and shivered in the chilly air. Casting his gaze back; he strode along for another block before he snatched a glimpse of his watch; it was eight thirty, Jesse at the orphanage would be angry if John was late in again. Damn it, Lil...

John scowled darkly in the middle of the road and turned back towards the alley which would cut through Old Town to the orphanage when he heard it. A pitiful little hiccup in the cold, dense air; he turned and felt a pain in his chest at the scene; she was curled up, head pressed against knees slumped up beside a frozen dumpster. John knew she'd heard him call her name and she was just hoping he'd walk on by and not notice her.

Like hell he was going to leave her here in the cold by herself. Even if she wanted him to. Slowly, like a hunter might approach a deer, John gingerly picked his way over to her. Not once did she peek up to stare at his inevitable approach. John frowned, cautious of Lily's fiery temper and dropped to his heels before her. They stayed like that for a while. Ten minutes, maybe more and John made not a move closer to her and she continued to bury her curly head in her knees. John could hear her breathing, slowly and calmly. Finally he heard a little sniffle and she tipped her head up and he could see she was weeping silently. He stayed where he was as she brushed a curl from her pale face and her eyebrows slanted upwards in an almost pained expression.

It pitied John's heart deeply to look upon her; almost unbearably so when she whispered, her voice choked,

"I thought I could get away...I really thought I could-"

She stopped herself and let her head fall back against her knees. John looked on quietly as her slight shoulders jumped up and down as she began to sob quietly in her cold corner of Gotham. It was the only place she had for her own; John could understand, everything they had – as orphans – was not their own. All Lily wanted was a place of her own, but she'd be damned if she got it from somebody else. His breath plumed out between them as Lily glanced up again, her eyes red and dark and John smiled warmly at her and her attention was caught by his breath;

"You came to look for me?" She murmured with a small frown quirking her brows, "Oh, John..."

She whimpered and he shook his head and spread his arms open as if she had to ask. Lily's little face crumpled and she leaned into his warm embrace and she shed trembling tears into his chest. Petting her hair, John let her get out all of her sorrow; once her little racking sobs abated, he jerked her softly and looked down;

"Okay, so we gonna' get you back home?" He asked kindly – some would say patronisingly, but Lily nodded.

"Home...'how often I've lay beneath the rain thinking it a strange home...'"

John frowned down on her and queried, "What was that?"

He felt her shrug against him and sniffle delicately, her voice thick;

"Just something I heard once when I stayed in the underpasses."

"I'm sorry, Lil...You're gonna' be okay."

He gently pushed her away and looked at her, wiping her face, he shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around her little body, he still had a sweater on underneath, so it was no great loss.

"'Kay, come on. Jesse will be annoyed if we're in late-"

"Oh, no!" Lily exclaimed, her head snapping up to stare at John frantically,

"Jesse's gonna' go mad...No, John I can't go back."

"He won't." John assured her with a shake of his head, "He's been real worried. We all have, you've been gone for three days...What have you been eating?"

Her eyes slid away and John could feel anger rising at her folly, but he pushed it back as he beheld her pale face, shadowed under the streetlight. For a girl of only fourteen years old, John thought Lily looked absolutely haunted. He crushed down his chagrin and pulled her in closer and rubbed her skinny arms and with a nod to himself, he hefted her to her feet and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"You ready?" He asked shortly.

She nodded sullenly; her lips were pouted in the cold. Her nose pink with sniffling.

"Yeah, I'm ready...But...John, what am I gonna' do?"

She asked him completely askance and John felt his throat contract. He didn't answer her; for he truly had no answer to give her. John was brought back by Lily's dark searching eyes which roamed his face seeking resolve. With none forthcoming and with another quick shake of his head, John grinned warmly and motioned for her to come along.

Her question still unrequited, hung in the air between them as unpleasant as the cold as they walked silently back home.

The memories of the past paled and dimmed from the forefront of Lily's mind as the door swung open again. For the first time in what felt like weeks, months; that damnable door opened. She sat, squeezed behind the door until silence fell upon the sewers; all she had heard during her silent exile behind the door was rushing water and the odd scuttling of rats. The blood had dried on her head and face, but she could still feel big blobs that had almost clotted, still wet on her face and forehead. She shivered in disgust but made no move to wipe it; she didn't want to touch it. Her eyes hurt to behold the white line of light which yawned into existence with the opening of the door.

She sat unfazed as the perpetrator entered; it was so dark, Lily could see nothing. She trembled and shook; she had been too afraid to venture outside after what she had done. At first Lily couldn't take her eyes off of the corpse she now shared this room with; until, eventually, she had screamed a pained shriek and kicked closed the door; blotting any light from the room and the sight of her victim. Suddenly she heard rubber squeal in protest as it was hastily ran along the metallic floor; she stiffened but did not move.

The light engulfed her eyes, the pupils shrank; shying away from the hardness of the radiance, but she knew she was still perpetuated in shadow; deep shadow. She saw him; actually, she witnessed him in all his power and size, all his authority as he scowled positively furiously in her direction. Lily knew Bane could not see her, ingrained as she was with the shadows; the muzzle of his gun trained on him. She wouldn't kill him, but she thought he had ample proof to believe she would if he got too close. She watched him as he stepped around the body of one of his men; his dark keen eyes still on her little swarm of shadows.

To her surprise, he knelt to her level and reached a hand into the black – almost as though he would retrieve her from the darkness. Lily dodged out of the way of his lumbering hand; her own breath betrayed her to him however and she saw him snatch his hand back a little, he looked bewildered for a moment before he seemed to grow very impatient with catching her. His temper flared silently and Lily yipped as he closed his hand around the muzzle of the gun and dragged her into the light. Lily felt tears spill from her eyes as he gazed upon her soiled face. His eyes were wide as he looked over her; he prized the firearm from her hand, but she would not let go and flopped back into the black shadows, taking his gun with her and she began to cry

"What have I done?" She asked quietly. Turning an eye on him, she shook her head in disbelief and her eyes hovered past him and fell on the man she had killed. "Oh, Mother, what did I do?"

What he did was subtle, but Lily thought it rather...sweet. He moved himself before the corpse, right in front of her so that she could not see him anymore and extended a huge paw to her and fluttered his fingers for the gun. Lily's eyes didn't leave his strange face as he motioned for the return of his weapon. She was about to relinquish it when she suddenly felt coldness seep through her skin, down through her body, freezing her blood and frosting her bones and she glared at the masked man, Bane, and snarled viciously;

"You...this is your fault!"

She barked and got to her feet quickly and slammed the door closed with a sharp bang, her other hand gripped the gun tightly. Bane was up too, his hands lazily half-raised; his face was utterly serene. Lily enjoyed the satisfying sound of the door banging closed; it mimicked her own impending outburst.

"You did this! This is your entire fault...if it weren't for you..."

Her rage stemmed, choking her as she pointed his own gun at him. Tears streamed down her face, mingling with the mercenary's blood, it flowed down to her lips and she could taste the vile pain-filled concoction and unleashed an infuriated, frustrated scream and threw the gun aside. It was fleeting but she saw Bane's eyes flash as the gun connected with the table over by the other side of the room and his surprise and then relief when it didn't go off and there wasn't a bullet ricocheting off of the walls. His surprise was short-lived as Lily saw him turn his blazing eyes back on her; for a moment she thought she might knuckle under, or cower. She did neither.

Instead, she threw back her head and gazed up at the bright light – aware as always, to Bane's inquisitive gaze. She ran a hand down her face, Bane watched silently as she pulled her hand back from her countenance and stare blandly at her blood-stained hand and chuckle mirthlessly, cynically;

"What a joke..." She breathed defeated and fell back against the wall and slid down it.

Bane followed her down, his brow cocked; his expression was so befuddled by her she thought as she turned her dark, shadowed eyes on him and tipped her head back. Closing her eyes she felt tears flood from her eyes; she wasn't even trying to cry anymore; tears were just falling whether she wanted them to or not. Eyes still closed, she shook her head and asked shortly of Bane;

"What did you do to me?"

No answer. Her eyes fluttered open and she could see his own were trailing the floor as if he were searching for an answer for her; his eyes flicked up and saw Lily's hallowed cheeks, prominent, jutting in this light; her darkened eyes which looked as though they were bruised and the blood that vandalised her pretty – albeit – sickly visage. She shrugged softly and asked again, even more mildly than before; a note of despair rang in her tone as Bane saw more tears plunge down those creamy cheeks.

"Oh...what did you do...?"

There was a pause and Lily closed her eyes and coughed into her sleeve. While she was doing that she didn't realise Bane's subtle encroachment; her eyes flashed but she didn't back away;

"I salvaged you."

He remarked simply and Lily scoffed, her eyes were closed again and she felt a tear slide out from under her closed eyelids and roll into her hair. She gasped as the sobs were becoming difficult to contain and flinched when she felt Bane take one of her tiny hands in one of his massive one's and watched him as he murmured quietly, almost comfortingly, Lily's hand felt safe in his grasp;

"You are sad because you can count your dead on one hand. On one finger."

Lily eyed the big man, feeling his calloused hand gently, delicately lift one of her fingers up. Her hand was up between them, covered in blood, ingrained with dirt; against his which was clean and hard with calluses. His eyes looked grieved and Lily almost felt ashamed for the way she had behaved, but she knew she was completely normal, but she didn't feel so with his eyes averting hers; his hand touching hers so intimately but his eyes shifted as though he couldn't bare to look at her. Maybe he couldn't...

"When you can count them on both hands...both feet. And on all the hands and feet of those who follow you, loyally...to the end," He stopped and Lily's breath caught as he looked at her; actually looked at her while his hand brushed hers,

"When you can count all your dead on that, then you may weep."

Lily sniffed and pulled her hand away; Bane watched her gaze down at it and flex her fingers. Her blue skin was taut and he suddenly got up off his heels and Lily's eyes followed him up as he held out a warm hand to her and said gently, but not without a barb of rudeness;

"If you're done, it's time for us to go outside."

Wiping her face, Lily frowned at his hand; unwilling to take it should he break her wrist as punishment for holding him up but a moment ago; but peering up at him, she could see a sort of patients there for her in those eyes of his. She moved him...What did he mean by that? Lily knew not and knew she was making the journey from Winter into Spring by taking his warm, maddeningly delicate hand and allowing him to escort her up to the surface and the sunshine which she had bought so cheaply with her life,