Chamomile Tea

To say that Commander Shepard was an amazing woman was an understatement.

A major understatement.

We'd been docked on the Citadel for less than 48 hours and she somehow managed to recruit a krogan mercenary, a turian C – Sec officer, and a quarian on her pilgrimage – and if that wasn't an incredible feat in and of itself, she found proof that Saren had gone rogue and was named the first human Spectre.

The First Human Spectre!

As a reward, Anderson stepped down and gave her his ship. Shepard wasn't too happy about that though. Now we were on our way to Therum to recruit an asari archeologist, and I was sitting in the mess, nursing the beginnings of a migraine with a cup of herbal tea, when I heard some shuffling.

I looked at the clock on the wall – 1 a.m. into the night cycle – so there shouldn't be anybody still up. I perked my head and saw the Commander stumbling into the mess, wearing only an oversized N7 T-shirt that came down to brush her thighs. I gulped at the sight of her bare, toned legs and could feel the blush spread over my cheeks and down to my neck. This wasn't right, I shouldn't be looking at her this way.

She hadn't seen me yet, walking to the counter and turning on the water heater while humming softly to herself. This was my chance to slip away. I stood up slowly – careful to avoid scraping the chair on the floor – when I tripped and came down with the chair, the crash not at all helping my migraine.

"Who's there?"

I groaned. "Me, Commander."

"Alenko?"

"Yeah."

She came over and offered her hand. "You scared the crap out of me."

"So much for stealth."

I laughed, taking her hand, and she pulled me up as if I weighed nothing more that a feather. We stared at each other for a moment, both unsure what so say. Things had been a little awkward between us since my slip up at the Citadel. Ashley had teased me mercilessly since, while the Commander had simply brushed it off, reminding me we were on duty. She hadn't been able to hide her blush, though.

"I should –"

"What were –"

I snapped my mouth shut, and winced as the sudden movement sent a fresh wave of pain to my head.

"Migraine?"

"Uh, yeah. Well, no, not really. Just a headache. How'd you know, though?"

"Dr. Chakwas mentioned you get them from time to time, because of your implant."

"Dr. Chakwas?"

"Yeah." She apparently didn't feel the need to elaborate and changed the subject. "Is that what you were doing up?"

"Yeah. And yourself?"

She smiled sadly. "Couldn't sleep." Nightmares was the word that hung on the air. She looked down to the cup still on the table. "What are you drinking?"

"Oh, um…"

She took the cup and sniffed it. "Chamomile?" she smirked. "No, that's not going to do anything for you. Actually, I'll take that."

"Commander?"

"Sit down, Alenko. I'll make you some tea." She walked to the counter and brought out another cup. "See, chamomile is good for insomnia and stomach aches. What you need is caffeine." She came back with a steaming mug of black tea. "Caffeine contains vasoconstrictive properties that cause the blood vessels to narrow and restrict blood flow, therefore easing the headache. Now, since it's late and you still need to get a good night's rest, you obviously can't drink coffee, but tea… It has enough caffeine to ease your headache, but not enough to keep you up."

I took a sip. "It's good. Thank you."

She smiled at me and drank my former chamomile tea.

"So, where'd you learn all this stuff?"

"We were farmers." She smiled wistfully. "My family, I mean. We were homesteaders on Mindoir. But…" her smile faded. "I'm the only one left now."

I didn't ask what happened. I already knew. Everyone knew; it was part of the legend of Commander Shepard. The small colony kid who'd survived a raid, only to become the Hero of the Blitz. Poetic, wasn't it? In reality, her whole family had died when batarian slavers attacked Mindoir. She had been 16 at the time, and if it wasn't for Captain Anderson… she probably wouldn't be here right now.

"So yeah, I grew up learning about this stuff. Botany and medicinal herbs. It was kind of a hobby. I used to have books and a greenhouse! For example," she gestured to her cup, "chamomile is excellent for insomnia, but if you really want something that'll put you to sleep, there's nothing better than lemon balm. One cup and you'll have the best nights sleep of your life."

"I'll have to take your word for it."

"And the smell! Oh, the smell is simply amazing! And if you add a bit of lavender… I can't even describe it. It's almost a religious experience."

I couldn't help my smile. "Sounds good."

"Yeah..." She sighed wistfully. "But I won't bore you with my almost incontrollable addiction to tea."

"No, really, it's fine. This is very interesting."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Subject change. Where are you from?"

"Earth, ma'am. Canada, to be exact."

"Wow, an Earthborn man! What was it like?"

I told her about growing up in Vancouver with my parents. She listened attentively, occasionally asking a question. The conversation flowed easily, and we went from my childhood to our training in the academy and finally to our latest mission.

I blushed when, after ranting about the "final frontier", she grinned and called me a romantic.

"Is that why you signed up? For the dream? Secure a man's future in space?"

I laughed. "Yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid, where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves." She raised an eyebrow. "Or, you know. For justice." I finished lamely.

"Right." She drawled. "For justice, of course." She brought her mug to her lips, in a lame attempt to hide her smile.

"Yeah." I grinned sheepishly. "Anyway, I don't know… Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp – ah, sorry, 'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.' I'm not looking for the dream. I just want to do some good. See what's out here. Sorry if I get too informal. Protocol wasn't a big focus in BAaT."

She snorted. "Informal? Alenko, we're sitting around drinking tea in our pajamas in the middle of the night cycle!"

"Yeah, you're right. But you're still my CO, pajamas and all."

"Well, when you put it like that… Permission to speak freely granted, Lieutenant." She teased. "Feel more comfortable now?"

I laughed. "Yeah."

"So… BAaT?" She prompted.

I sighed. "Biotic Acclimation and Temperance didn't last past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in, it was Brain Camp."

"Hauled in?"

"Sorry, 'hauled in' is unkind. We were 'encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities, so an understanding of biotics could be compiled.'" I recited from memory. "There are worse results of 'accidental' exposure to element zero in the womb. Beats the brain tumors some kids grew up with."

"Accidental? Is there some questions as to how to you were exposed?"

"My mother was downwind of a transport crash. It was before there were human biotics. A little after the discovery of the Martian ruins. It only gets iffy around '63 when Conatix was running out of first-gen subjects. Until then, they'd relied on accidentals. Bunch of guys in suits show up at your door after school. Next thing you know, you're out on Jump Zero."

"Sounds rough. How old were you?"

"Seventeen."

"But there were other kids with you right? At least you weren't alone."

"Yeah, but we didn't have much to do, though. It was a research platform then, and Conatix kept Jump Zero off the extranet. To prevent leaks."

She raised an eyebrow, giving me an incredulous look. "Come on, you were teenagers. I'm sure you found some other ways to pass the time."

"I'm not the sort who does that kind of thing, Commander. Not lightly, anyway."

"Ah." She said simply, as she narrowed her eyes just a bit. I had to fight the urge to squirm under her intent gaze. It was as if she was trying to study me, as if she was trying to figure me out. Her prolonged silence prompted me to keep talking.

"There was a girl I spent a lot of time with, but we kept our clothes on. Rahna…"

I smiled as I remembered her, with her tan skin and long brown hair. I remembered how she laughed when we talked or the way she would play with her hair when she was nervous. I turned my eyes back to the Commander and saw she was staring at me with a knowing look on her face.

"Rahna… First love?"

"I, uh… I guess. Maybe she even felt the same, but things never fell together. Training. You know." I cleared my throat. "She was from Turkey. Her family was very rich. But she was smart, and charming as hell. Beautiful, but not stuck up about it. Like you, I guess. Ma'am."

Now it was her turn to blush.

"Oh." She smiled. "Well, thanks."

"You're welcome."

"So, what happened to Rahna?"

"We, uh… we didn't keep in touch after BAaT ended."

"Oh. That's too bad."

"Yeah, well. It happens."

"Yeah… first loves have a tendency not to last."

"Speaking from experience, Commander?"

She responded with a very unlady like snort. "I think at this age we've all lived through that particular experience." She tried to cover a yawn with her hand. "But that's a story for another day."

She stood and took our empty mugs, carried them to the sink and began to wash them. I watched her as she set the mugs on a tray for them to dry, wondering if she did this with everyone or… if maybe it was just me. I had to know.

"Shepard?" I tried her name.

"Yeah?" She didn't correct me, didn't reprimand me for the insubordination.

"Do you, uh… You make it a habit of getting this personal with everyone?"

She turned and looked me straight in the eye. "No. No, I don't." She smirked, probably knowing how much her answer unhinged me. "Good night, Kaidan."

She turned and walked towards her cabin, leaving me still sitting on the table staring after her with my mouth slightly open.

I'll need some time to process that.