AN: Music for this chapter (on repeat): Fire In The Water by Feist, Life Is Beautiful by Vega4, Home by Phillip Phillips, Fix You by Coldplay
FIFTY-EIGHT
o
The following morning, the agents, minus Irina, plus Sark made their way into the JTTF center to begin their' debrief of the events in Russia and Kashmir.
Everyone was ecstatic to see Sydney alive and fairly unscathed though she remained bruised and on crutches. They all asked how she was recovering and how Irina and Lena were doing, a bit of disappointment ringing through their tone that the two hadn't come with them today.
Kendall pulled Jack into his office in the middle of the afternoon to see how he was doing, how Irina and the baby were doing and how everyone was holding up.
"So it's finally over." Kendall cocked his head at Jack, leaning back in his big leather chair staring at the Agent from across his big desk. "I guess this means, with the threats out of the way, you will be retiring from the Agency now?"
Jack nodded in response to Kendall's statement, having talked about it before and now faced with the reality.
"Sydney and Vaughn as well." He added quietly.
"I figured as much." Kendall smirked, folding his hands in front of his face.
"I never wanted her in this life. She's done more than enough for this country, its time for her to live her life for her." Jack looked beyond the glass walls to where his daughter sat in a chair laughing as she watched Weiss clowning around with her crutches.
"I agree. She will be sorely missed. You all will. I just can't imagine the CIA without the three of you." Kendall admitted with a soft smile, he and Jack finally finding common ground over the last couple of years. "You're not going to go join the SVR now or tell them all our secrets now are you, Jack?" Kendall joked with him.
"No." Jack chuckled shaking his head with a smile at how ironic the whole situation was. "Irina is the ruling force…I'm just there to stand by her side, be there for her when she needs me to. Be her husband again. That's all I want. If she's happy, the girls are happy…then I'm happy doing whatever."
"It's all…very surreal." Kendall finally broke into wide smile, chuckling with Jack and whirling to face him in his chair. "Jack Bristow as the Emperor of Russia."
Jack's eyebrows suddenly knit together at hearing his soon to be title for the first time, only having thought about Irina's and the girls before now.
"In title only, like I said, I'm there to support my wife. She's the one the people want, I just came along with the package." His mouth turned up into a big smile and laughed, as did Kendall.
"So when do you have to return to Russia for the Coronation preparations?" Kendall, stopped laughing but still smiled.
"Easter. Irina is cutting the ribbon at the First Annual Peterhof Easter Egg Hunt." Jack smiled wider and chuckled again, thinking about what his life was going to be like from here on out. "Ten thousand kids and over two hundred thousand Easter Eggs."
"Irina Derevko and Easter Egg Hunts." Kendall shook his head in disbelief as he chuckled. "She will never cease to amaze me."
"Nor me." Jack's smile radiated around the room.
"She's going to come and at least say, 'Goodbye' or 'Good riddance' or something, isn't she?" Kendall asked with a sarcastic snort that turned into a smile, hoping that he would get the chance to see her again; see the baby after everything they'd been through together over the last two years.
"Yes." Jack nodded trying to hide his smile seeing the hopeful look in Kendall's eyes at seeing Irina again, saying 'Goodbye' to her and remembering all that they'd been through together. "She and Lena will come in on Thursday…our last day."
The next two days would be spent in a massive debrief on his entire CIA career, part of the Agencies policy about retiring. When that was over, they were all free to go, though they would always be closely watched, not only as former Agents but as the new Imperial Family of Russia.
"Good." Kendall smiled a tight-lipped smile and stood, shuffling his papers trying to curb his enthusiasm. Jack stood and was about to walk out the door when Kendall stopped him, "Jack…one more thing." He realized he hadn't yet asked what he had really wanted to ask Jack about. "How is Irina? How is she doing?" He asked with the up most concern for her wellbeing.
"She's hanging in there. Physically," Jack gulped and looked at the floor speaking in soft tones, "She's healing. Slowly but she's healing. Emotionally…that will take some time, too. Right now, she's more concerned about the baby and Sydney than to think about herself. She's a mother, first and foremost." He smiled softly, shrugging with pride. "She'll be ok."
"I know she will. She's Irina Derevko." Kendall smiled in return.
"Irina Bristow." Jack cocked his eyebrow at Kendall and they both laughed.
"Dad." Sydney knocked softly on her father's open office door when she was finished with her debrief of the events in Russia and Kashmir. "Can I come in?"
"Of course, Sweetheart." Jack jumped up from his chair, moving to help her as she hobbled into the room on crutches. "What's on your mind?"
"Mom." Sydney smiled softly, looking at the framed photo of her stunning mother on her wedding day on her father's desk.
"You had a good talk with her last night?" Jack asked softly, hesitating about asking too many questions not wanting to invade their privacy.
"Yes…we did. I just needed to see her, feel her presence and know she was still alive, still with us. I couldn't stand losing her again." She smiled sadly looking up at her father as he sat on the edge of his desk, arms folded over his chest looking at her with love and concern, nodding in understanding.
"Neither could I." He returned the soft smile. "How are you, Sydney?" He asked in full concern for his daughter's wellbeing after seeing her last night.
"I'm doing ok, I think. Last night helped and I think that Mom and I…us talking, helps." She smiled and shrugged, looking back at the photo Irina. "I finally convinced her, Dad." She trailed off softly.
"Convinced her of what, Sydney?" Jack asked quizzically.
"That she has all of our forgiveness…and that the only person left she needed to forgive, was herself."
"You told her that?" Jack asked stunned, he had thought the same thing many times and it was his daughter that finally brought it up to Irina.
"Yes, she's been punishing herself long enough for the past. I told her she's been punished enough for a million lifetimes…she needs to let it go, forgive herself and move on…be happy." She smiled softly seeing the sparkle and wonder in her father's eyes at hearing her say these things she said to her mother. "And I think this time she heard me."
"Oh, Sydney," Jack smiled with pride at his daughter, agreeing with her completely. Irina had been granted forgiveness by everyone but herself, which was the final absolution she needed. "That was exactly what she needed to hear…and I think you were the perfect person to tell her. Grant her that permission she would otherwise never have given herself." He knew Irina well enough to know that.
"I just wanted you to know. Maybe have you help me, to keep reminding her…she's an amazing person…mother."
"Wife." Jack added smiling and made Sydney smile wider.
"Yes, and that she doesn't need to punish herself anymore. She deserves happiness." Sydney wanted so badly that for her parents.
"I will." He leaned forward, kissing her forehead smiling. "You're unbelievable, Sydney. I love you so much, Sweetheart."
"I know, Dad." She smiled, moving to stand with his help. "And I love you, too." She kissed his forehead smiling and moved towards the door to leave.
When Jack and Julian arrived home later that evening they found Irina in the kitchen, smiling softly and talking to Lena in the bouncy seat while she was making them dinner, even if she couldn't eat it. Irina needed something to do with her idle hands.
Lena was smiling at her mother and making her baby coo noises obviously happy in spite of her immobility as she watched her move about, talking to her in Russian. Irina had spent most of the day resting the best Irina knew how as were doctors orders and she and Lena had a lazy day waiting for Jack and Julian to get home doing many domestic things like laundry, listening to music, spending every moment together just bonding.
"Wow, something smells absolutely delicious." Sark smiled sniffing the air as he entered the kitchen, kissing Irina softly on the cheek before making a beeline to Lena who smiled seeing her big brother.
"I second that." Jack smiled softly, walking up beside Irina at the stove slowly, stopping just beside her and softly capturing her face in his hands, looking into her beautiful brown eyes before kissing her gently. "How was your day, Dear?" He smiled and laughed when Irina cracked a smile and swatted him on the butt with her oven mitt.
"Our day went well. She's been happy all day." Irina smiled happily turning to look back at Julian playing with Lena, making her giggle and him smile. "I don't want to say she's getting used to her immobility but rather adapting well. She's such a good baby." Her genuine happiness for her little girl brought a sparkle back to her eye Jack had been missed seeing in her eyes.
"She is a good baby." Jack ran his hand up Irina's arm and tucked a stray wavy lock of hair behind her ear that had escaped her ponytail. "How are you?" His eyes boring into hers with a smile, having not really gotten the chance to talk with her about last night as they were all rushed to leave this morning.
"I'm ok, actually. Better then ok…we had a really good day." She smiled warmly and rested her palm on Jack's chest just over his heart before her eyes flashed with concern. "How was Sydney today?"
"She was good…very happy and I saw her laugh on several occasions." Jack returned the smile, picking up the wooden spoon to stir the boiling potatoes. "Talking with you last night, being with you, helped her immensely, I think."
"I think I needed her, just as much as she needed me. No. I know I did." Irina shook her head resolutely. "I never got to 'thank you' for giving us space…and knowing me so well." She leaned up and kissed him softly on the corner of the mouth with a small smile. "Thank you."
"You're very welcome." He smiled with a serious hint in his eyes. "Anything you need, I'll do for you."
"I know." Irina looked into his loving eyes feeling his love seep directly into her soul by just looking into his eyes. "I love you." She said quietly, with a smile, kissing him quickly on the mouth before turning her attention back to Julian, and Lena. "So Julian, now that you've completed all of your obligations and full-filled your agreement, what are you going to do?" She smiled lovingly at him as only a mother could.
"I don't know really. I haven't thought about it." Sark looked up at her with a mixed reaction. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, but he didn't want to 'leave' her already. He was just getting used to living with her, spending time with them and coming home to a family for the first time in his life.
"Well, I'm sure you're probably dying to get out of here, move into a place of your own." She smiled at him and saw the brief flash of…sadness? 'Could it be?' Flash through his gaze at the thought of leaving and she quickly offered him an out without making him say it, "But let it be known, you are welcome to stay here as long as you'd like to." She followed Julian's gaze over her shoulder and found him looking at Jack, seeking confirmation in her statement and smiled when she saw Jack's smile so soft it was barely detectible as he nodded in agreement.
"Thank you." He looked at her, smiling softly before turning his attention back to the baby who was kicking her legs, the only part of her body she could move.
They ate dinner shortly after and both of the men were happy seeing Irina smiling occasionally and meaning it; hearing her small bursts of laughter…she was bouncing back.
Weiss had actually called and invited Julian to come play cards with him, Vaughn, Marshall, Carrie and Sydney, an offer he graciously accepted and disappeared shortly after dinner, with Irina letting him take her Porsche and earning her a brilliant smile from him.
*Fire In The Water*
Jack offered to clean up while Irina gave Lena a sponge bath and when he was finished found them both upstairs.
Irina had Lena lying on their bed in just her diaper, inspecting her entire body. Her fingers gently caressing the slowly fading bite marks and bruises that adorned her baby's body as she applied the heavenly scented baby lotion. Lena was cooing at her with intense eyes locked onto her mother, making Irina smile softly.
Jack slowly crept onto the bed beside them, lying on his side behind Lena facing Irina.
"It's not right." Irina spoke softly looking at her baby's marred body and saw the question in Jack's eyes. "For a baby only four months old to already have broken bones, missing fingers, and scars like this." Her long fingers gently running beside the length of the stitches running the length of Lena's body from where Cuvee had cut her with his knife.
"No. It's not right." Jack agreed softly, running his fingers over the curl forming at the top of Lena's head where her Mohawk was. He didn't say anything else and neither did she, no further need to elaborate on the wrongs committed against their' baby.
"What I did to him…" She shook her head thinking about her revenge on Cuvee, "I was out of control."
"You had a right to be." Jack spoke in hushed tones watching her face intently. "And everything you did to him was completely justified in my book-"
"But that's not me." Irina interrupted his rebuttal shaking her head, "Not who I am anymore. Someone who's capable of that. I was just as bad as him." Her voice was low, fingers skimming over her baby's soft skin and down her plaster cast.
"No, Irina. You're nothing like that monster." His heart beat faster hearing her comparing herself to the maniac who did so many terrible things to her and the ones she loved. "I would have done so much worse. You showed restraint. You showed your compassion by having me kill him when you could just as easily…and justifiably, let him burn to death slowly and painfully. You ended his suffering. That," He reached for her face, caressing her cheek, "Is why you are nothing like him. He would never and had never, shown you any mercy or compassion."
"I just wanted it to be over." Irina sighed thinking and looked away as she gathered the tiny white fabric in her hands and carefully pulled it over Lena's little head, smiling when she saw her daughter's narrowed eyebrow at having the material pulled over her face. "My need for revenge..." She shook her head, "It didn't matter anymore. I just wanted it to be over. I knew I was dying...and if I was going out, I wanted to make sure he was going with me...I wasn't leaving him behind to harm my family anymore."
Jack swallowed hard in hearing her say that, admit she knew she was dying and her only thought at the time was to make sure Cuvee died too so he could no longer harm her family. He watched in amazement at how swiftly, yet gently Irina was in putting the babies pajamas on with her current injuries. He hadn't dare attempt to dress Lena out of fear of injuring her further.
"Jack…" Irina suddenly worked up the nerve to ask the question she already knew the answer to, but hadn't wanted to ask. "How did you find us? Was it the tape Cuvee sent you?" She wouldn't look at him while she asked, focused on her baby in front of her, smiling up at her mother as she kicked her feet.
"Yes." Jack swallowed hard and his heart sped up in anticipation of the conversation he'd been waiting to have with her. One of his questions already being answered, 'had she known Cuvee taped her rape and sent it to him?' "Mikhail was the one who recognized the office as Cuvee's and the building as the prison…and I remembered what you'd told me about the restraints." He found his mouth going dry and saw the tight mask of controlled emotions on Irina's face as she looked at the baby, blinking slowly as they both 'remembered' what she had told him about the special restraints and how it came true again. "We had previously thought the prison was destroyed in the air strikes, its why we didn't look their earlier. Marshall tasked a thermo-satellite over the location after Mikhail insisted it was Kashmir and we saw there were indeed people in the building. We left immediately."
Irina nodded softly, taking into account what he'd said and analyzing it.
"So…more than you obviously saw... I suppose everyone has seen it by now, like the last ones." She swallowed hard, trying not to feel humiliated by having hundreds of governmental agents eyes watching her in one of the worst moments of her life. "Not that I can really complain about it…seeing it apparently is what led you to finding us." She added so softly Jack almost didn't hear her.
"No, Irina. There was no reason this time for everyone at the CIA or any other governmental agency to scan the footage. There were not many who saw it, and those who did…only watched to find out where you and Sydney were being held." He covered her hand with his and Irina turned her hand beneath his grasp, holding it in turn and running her thumb over the back of his hand as tears built in her eyes.
"Who?" She asked softly, her dark eyes pooling with tears sought out Jack's, wanting to know exactly who had seen.
"Marshall found the file while I was on the phone with Kendall. He opened it and fed the line to me in Moscow. We'd set up operations in the conference room of the hospital after we found Lena. We had no idea what we were about to see, though I knew it wasn't going to be good coming from Cuvee and we were all eager to see what was on the file; hoping for some kind of lead on where he was holding you." Her thumb continued to stroke the back of his hand and he saw the raw emotion running through her eyes as her mask began to slip.
Irina understood what he was saying, the logic behind it and nodded along with trepidation at what was to come.
"Marshall, Kendall, Carrie, and Dixon were the only ones at the CIA and I was in the room in Moscow with Katya, Vladimir, Eric, Vaughn, and Julian. They were all in there with me when the footage came across. Bella had stumbled in shortly after it began and went to find Mikhail who was sitting with Lena at the time." He paused taking a slow breath, holding onto her fingers more tightly when she nodded and a tear finally slipped over her lid and down her cheek.
"And where is it now?" Irina asked quietly averting her eyes to look into Lena's.
"I had Marshall destroy the file as soon as we got back to Moscow. It doesn't exist anymore, no one else will ever see it." He reassured her quietly. "No one is going to judge you, Irina. Those who saw it, love you…care about you."
"I don't want them to pity me, Jack…I couldn't stand that." Another tear fell down the opposite cheek.
"Irina, no one feels that way. In fact, I think almost everyone including myself only saw your strength." He tilted her face up to his using two fingers under her chin. "Your unbelievable strength in protecting Sydney through everything. That is what we saw. An amazing mother with an immense love for her child." He sat up and used his other hand to wipe her tears, his own pooling in his eyes. "You were protecting our child at all costs. I love you for that. I love you for just simply being you, Irina." He smiled softly threading his hand under her ponytail and pulling her forward to graze her soft lips with his. "I would never pity you…and neither will anyone else. We all admire you, too damn much." He smiled and laughed softly, rubbing his nose with hers gently, watching her break into a small smile.
"Let's go sit on the swing." She whispered into his ear smiling, pulling him up gently. "I want to talk with you about something."
"Ok." Jack smiled happily and kissed her lips softly again once more, feeling the tickle of her stitches in her lip against his.
Irina scooped up Lena, wrapping her in a blanket and the three of them made way for the porch swing. Jack watched Irina nursing Lena beside him, both of his girls illuminated by the full moon light and he couldn't tear the smile from his face as the rocked back and forth slowly in silence, just enjoying the night and each other's company.
"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Jack suddenly remembered what she'd said in the bedroom. His arm stretched across the length of the back of the swing, his fingers playing with the end of her ponytail.
"Julian. I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and even more so after everything that's happened in these last few weeks. It's something I really want." She smiled softly at him and the moonlight refracted her sparkling dark eyes.
"What have you been thinking?" Jack smiled running the backs of his fingers over her bruised cheek tenderly, "What is it that you want?" Already prepared to give her anything she wanted.
Sark had finished all of his debriefings and now sat waiting in the conference room after being summoned there. His eyes found Irina's behind the glass wall as she made her way towards him and the room, stopping to grab Jack's arm and pulling him behind her smiling at Weiss who held Lena as she entertained everyone with her facial expressions and little giggles.
"Julian." Irina smiled warmly, taking the seat adjacent to him on one side of the table, Jack on the other. She pushed a folder with the CIA's seal on it in front of him, smiling brightly with happiness, "Sign these and you will officially be a free man."
"My pardon papers?" Julian's icy blue eyes lit up, flipping open the cover, scanning the documents in disbelief.
"Yes, as promised." Irina clicked a black ink pen and set it down beside the folder. "You've more then proven yourself worthy of a second chance." She smiled, glancing across the table at Jack thankful for her own second chance at life.
"Go ahead." Jack smiled softly at him, urging him to go ahead and sign his freedom papers.
Slowly Julian picked up the pen and signed his name next to all the 'Xs' Jack pointed out on every page. When he was finished, Jack closed the file and pulled it towards him smiling.
"You're a free man, Mr. Sark." He extended his hand to Julian's surprise and he shook it.
"Thank you." Relief flooded through him at finally being free.
*Life Is Beautiful*
Irina slid another file towards him, this one unmarked.
"What's this?" Julian looked up at her confused as to what it was if he just signed his pardon.
"Julian, you've earned your second chance at life." She smiled feeling the tears and fighting them back, "We both have. Now, I would like the chance to be the mother to you…I always should have been." She paused seeing his eyes widen and swallow hard as she grabbed his hand, holding it in her own. "You are my son in every way that matters. Now I would like to make it legal."
Julian couldn't breathe, his eyes watering and not sure if it was tears from emotion or from his refusal to blink or both.
"You want to adopt me?" He finally found his voice and it cracked in disbelief, raw with emotion as he whispered his words staring at her and the file in front of him.
"Only if you want to." Irina held her breath, unsure of herself and his reaction in this moment. "If you don't want us to, I understand and regardless if it's legal or not…you'll always be my son in my heart."
Julian's mind was racing over what was happening and every word she was saying, and suddenly something caught his mind.
"Us?" His eyes flew to Jack's in utter disbelief.
"You are Irina's son in every way. She is my wife and the mother of my children." Jack glanced across the table to Irina and felt his heartstrings tugging when he saw her smile and falling tears of happiness. "If you are her son, then in a way, that makes you my son." He admitted softly, watching Julian's refusal to blink staring at him as if he had just grown another head. "Irina believed in you, she was right to. You do deserve a second chance, we all do. Our family deserves a second chance and we are offering you…a permanent place within that family. All of us, starting over together. I don't expect us to have that father and son bond instantly. It will take time to build…but I am willing to go the distance with you, Julian Sark."
'Surely this man could not be Jack Bristow…' Julian finally blinked, wondering when he finally did if when he opened his eyes he'd awake from this dream, but no, Jack was still staring at him and Irina was still holding his hand on the other side of the table.
"If you don't want me to adopt you with Irina, I understand that, too." Jack added seeing that the young man was in obvious shock.
"And if you don't want me to adopt you, either, I understand. You can say, 'no.' I will still love you." Irina ran her thumb over the back of Julian's hand nervously, hoping that he wouldn't say 'no.'
"No." Julian said quickly, too quickly he realized when he saw the immediate deflated look in her eyes realizing what he'd said and how she took it. "What I mean is," He took her hand in both of his, tears that were pooling in his eyes now spilling down his cheeks as he looked at her nervously. "I would like nothing more…than for you to adopt me. To be my mother, Irina. The mother I've always wanted." He smiled and Irina's tears ran in streams down her cheeks. "To be part of a family." He turned to look at Jack and then the both of them, "A real family. I've never had that and I would like very much, to be a part of your family." He smiled timidly, feeling terrified and elated all at once over the prospect.
Jack nodded at him with a smile and flipped open the folder exposing the document that would legally make Julian Sark their son. Jack moved the folder in front of him, picking up the pen and signed his name on the signature space under the title of 'Father' smiling at both the still stunned blonde boy and Irina.
Carefully, he pushed the document across the table to Irina and she smiled as brightly as she had the day Sydney and Lena were both born, tears flowing down her cheeks as she signed her name under 'Mother' before pushing the folder in front of Julian.
With a shaking hand, he picked up the pen and signed his name under 'Child.'
"I'm not really a child." He smiled softly when he was finished.
"You are mine." Irina beamed and she stood throwing her arms around his neck, crying happy tears when she felt him return the embrace. "I love you, Julian. My son." She laughed softly, pushing back to wipe at her tears and look at the little boy she raised into the young man before her.
Jack extended his hand once more and when they were standing face to face and when Julian grasped his hand, Jack hesitated only a moment before bringing him in slowly for a quick hug.
"Holy shit! Did your dad just hug Sark?" Weiss's eyes bugged out of his head as everyone turned to gawk at the three behind the glass, obviously emotional about something. "What the hell is going on in there?"
"My guess, would be that he accepted their offer." Sydney said softly, a small smile coming to her face seeing her mother's obvious happiness over the matter written all over her face. The first real and full-on radiant smile she'd seen from her mother since before Cuvee had taken her.
"Accepted what offer?" Dixon asked curiously.
"The offer to make him an official part of our family." She ran her hand over the back of Lena's head in her arms, "Julian Sark is now technically, our brother."
"Your parents just adopted Sark?" Weiss couldn't believe what he was hearing or seeing and felt like he was in the Twilight-Zone. "You're ok with this?"
"Yes. It's something my mother really wanted. She did raise him after all. She's getting a second chance at being a mother with Lena and I. She wants to have the same opportunity with him." Sydney shrugged giving them all a small smile, almost laughing when she saw Kendall's bug eyes as he shook his head slowly in disbelief looking at the three in the conference room. "And if she was going to adopt him, make him an official part of her family then we needed to accept her choice. Accept him as part of our family as a whole if he is in hers and she is in ours."
"He had your best friend killed." Dixon stated softly, knowing this couldn't be easy on Sydney.
"And I killed his fiancée." Sydney stated just as somberly, looking at her parents with the young blonde man.
"Interesting family you have there, Agent Bristow." Kendall smiled at her, shaking his head.
"Wow, I'm stunned speechless." Weiss shook his head with a goofy smile of disbelief.
"Then how are you still talking?" Marshall asked him and everyone burst into laughter that finally, Marshall got Weiss.
"Wait." Julian took a deep breath, his voice softening when he looked out into the Ops Center and saw Sydney. "What about Sydney? How does she feel about this?"
"She knows. We talked to her about it. Sydney has a very big heart. She's the best person I've ever met and she knows how much I want this." Irina smiled proudly, looking out at her daughter. "She accepts that you are my son. Your relationship with her will take time, but she's willing to work at it. To make our family work."
"Syd, they're all looking at you." Vaughn smiled nudging his fiancée when the three behind the glass were suddenly staring at Sydney.
"That can only mean one thing." Kendall turned his smirk from them to Sydney.
"They're talking about me." Sydney rolled her eyes and then gave a finger wave and a smile to her Mom and nodded in acceptance at Sark.
"I can't believe…that you guys are going to walk out those doors today, never to return for the rest of your lives. That your lives as spies will be over." Weiss felt himself getting a little misty eyed as he looked at Sydney and Vaughn, pulling her into his shoulder. "I'm going to miss seeing you guys everyday."
"Eric…we live together." Vaughn stated and everyone laughed.
"Yeah but not forever." Weiss wrapped his other arm around Vaughn's shoulder, "When the Coronation is over, the two of you will be moving to Russia, won't you? I mean, isn't that required if you're the ruling Imperial Family to actually live in that country?" He laughed seeing they obviously hadn't thought about it.
"I don't know. We haven't really talked about it. I mean, yes, we will live there part of the time…its where my Mom and Dad and Lena will be but, they are keeping the house here in LA, too. Going to split their time." Sydney spoke softly, her eyes meeting Vaughn's, realizing they hadn't discussed where they were going to live once married. "I don't know. We'll have to talk about it." She smiled nervously, running her fingers over Lena's soft cheek.
"Well, if it isn't the proud new parents." Kendall smiled when the three walked up and joined them. "Congratulations. This is certainly a big day for all of you."
"Thank you, and yes. It is a big day for all of us." Irina smiled softly, taking Lena from Sydney.
"This is it, I can't believe it. You're really leaving." Weiss shook his head in continued disbelief. "This place is going to be so boring without all of you."
"It won't ever be the same." Marshall failed to blink back his tears as he looked at the group assembled who were about to leave.
"Sydney, our relationship started with what must have felt like the Spanish Inquisition to you," Kendall paused thinking back to the moment he first saw Sydney Bristow chained to the desk in front of the panel he was leading investigating her as The Chosen One. "I know that you and I haven't often seen eye-to-eye over the years, hell, I haven't seen eye-to-eye with most of you!" Kendall shifted his weight with hands on hips smirking at the group as they all laughed, "But you're a damn fine agent, one of the best I've ever known. The others in that highly respected category would be your present company." Kendall shifted his gaze to Jack, Irina and Vaughn. "It's been a pleasure working with you and the CIA will miss your excellence in espionage greatly. Be proud, you served well. You deserve the best in life. I hope you find that." He smiled at her with his tightlipped expression, trying to mask his true feelings about her leaving.
"Vaughn," He quickly turned his attention to the young man beside him, "You and I have butted-heads on more then one occasion, but like I already said, that seems to have been the case with all of you." He stated seriously and then broke into a grin when everyone laughed again, "Most of our battles centered around Sydney. You were always looking out for her, bending the rules to keep her safe and while I can't officially say I 'accept' that," He narrowed his eyebrows at Vaughn thinking back to countless times Vaughn had done something he shouldn't to protect Sydney, "I can say, that I respect that. She couldn't have had a better handler as an Agent. I know the two of you will be very happy, I wish you both the best." He smiled, offering an uncharacteristic glimpse of his softer side leaving them both speechless.
"Jack," He smiled, shaking his head looking at the floor before meeting his eyes. "What do you say in partying to the 'Great Jack Bristow?" He smirked and Sydney started tearing up, realizing what a momentous event this was. "This country owes you a great sense of gratitude for your thirty plus years of service. You're a great Agent Jack Bristow…but an even better man." Kendall stuck out his hand and grasped Jack's in a forceful endearing grip. "It's been an honor working with you." They shared a soft head nod and smile before Kendall's gaze shifted.
"Irina," He released his handshake with Jack and turned to the woman with the baby in her arms, the bruises and cuts on her face doing nothing to mar her extreme beauty. "You and I certainly didn't meet under the best of circumstances and in fact, we made each other's lives hell most of the time you were in our custody." He smiled and she gave her famous enigmatic grin, piercing him with those same intense eyes, that same gaze that went right through him as she did the first moment they'd met when he'd introduced himself after she was brought to her cell. "Even back then, when you drove me insane," He tried to sound serious but everyone else was chuckling remembering those days fondly now, "Your intelligence and skills as an operative were admirable and even envious. You were always a worthy opponent and an even better ally." He smiled genuinely at her and everyone felt their emotions rising watching the exchange between the old adversaries and recent partners. "It has been a pleasure working with you…and your country, these past few months. Best of luck to you and your family." He looked at her then all of them seriously as his mouth twitched up in the corners.
"And Lena," He turned his attention back to the baby in Irina's arms, his hand reaching out to graze her little head as she turned to look at him with her big brown eyes and impossibly long eyelashes. "I've no doubt that you'll be every bit as amazing as your sister and mother. Just please, choose another career path!" He smiled and everyone laughed. "As the only baby ever conceived and born within the CIA," The laughter rose before he could finish and Jack was shaking his head with a smile while turning red and sharing a glance with Irina laced with love, "You'll always be very near and dear to all of our hearts." He smiled at the baby who was gurgling with a smile, leaning her head into Irina's cheek and chin. Kendall reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a new little yellow bear, identical to the one he'd given her when she was born and had lost in the kidnapping; having to throw it away from blood smears. He tucked it behind her little cast-encased arm and chest and she turned her head to put her mouth on it's soft ear immediately, in typical baby fashion, smiling with happiness at finding her old friend. "You're a very blessed baby." He dropped a quick kiss to her little forehead and looked up to see Irina's eyes glistening. Moved by his uncharacteristic words and declarations, and his gift to Lena, Irina leaned in and kissed Kendall on the cheek, shocking him and everyone else.
"Thank you, Director Kendall." Irina smiled impressed with the man before her and how much their relationship had changed, how much they had learned about each other. "Underneath that gruff exterior of yours, you're a real softy and a good man." She smiled her famous melt-you-to-your-knees smile. "Likewise, it has been a pleasure working with you and you should consider Russia your ally, not your enemy." She looked pointedly at him, hoping that the relations between the two countries only continued to improve now that they had established a stable base to build upon. "I expect to see you in St. Petersburg in May, as an ally of Russia, as a guest of mine…and as a friend of ours." She glanced over to Jack, sharing a smile.
Kendall was stunned by her invitation, or was it an order? Delivered under the smooth silk of her voice and charm that Jack had always talked about, her ability to disarm you? He didn't much care if she was manipulating him in that moment, he would be there.
"I will be there, wouldn't miss it." He smiled, kissing her bruised cheek softly and then Sydney's, shaking Jack's hand and Vaughn's once more, even Sark's.
Many hugs, handshakes and tears later, the Agents Bristow, Bristow, Vaughn, Sark and Derevko walked out of JTTF and the CIA for the last time, their lives in the world of espionage officially over. The rest of their lives was just beginning.
*Home*
Everyone followed Jack and Irina home to celebrate their newfound freedoms and family.
Irina walked into the room after changing Lena to find that Eric, Carrie, Marshall, Dixon, Robin and Steven had all joined them for a celebratory dinner and her kitchen was now packed with people laughing and smiling as they each set about handling a task in creating their meal. Her house was filled with love and laughter once more, her family was complete and she watched contently from the door, nuzzling her baby's soft ear as she watched the happy people.
Jack turned abruptly from the refrigerator and met her smiling eyes. He walked towards her slowly with an enormous smile, knowing exactly what she was thinking having seen the look in her eyes. He palmed her face with his hands and kissed her gently, earning some hoots and laughter from the giddy crowd behind them.
"I love you, Jack." She whispered to him in Russian and he kissed her again.
"As I love you, Irina. Let our life together without immanent threats begin." He smiled and laughed softly when she did.
The following week, Lena's stitches and elastic restraint were removed by the doctors; her clavicle was almost completely healed. Her other arm was X-rayed and was healing beautifully as were her reattached fingers. She received a new baby pink cast and had another milestone when she started eating rice cereal that very same morning.
Irina and Sydney continued to help each other heal psychologically. Sydney had taken up her mother's mode of 'therapy' and began writing down her own life experiences and couldn't believe what a relief it was to get it out by writing it down. She continued reading the journals her mother had kept for her and was continually stunned to read what Irina had been doing during the various years she was absent from her life.
Together over the next couple of weeks, they planned and prepared for the upcoming Coronation and the wedding at the end of the summer. President Bush and the First Lady stopped by the house just a few days after they'd left the CIA officially. They'd come to LA to see Irina and her family as well as visit troops at Camp Pendleton before they set out to Iraq.
Julian was thrown into shock when he came home from a weekend of debauchery with Weiss in Santa Barbara and found the President of the United States and First Lady sitting on the living room sofa, drinking coffee with his 'mother' as if it were an everyday occurrence.
When Easter approached, the time had come to return to Russia. The Imperial Family was picked up by the newly commissioned Imperial 747, 'Imperial One' blazoned by the seal of the Imperial Romanov Family with the now traditional white, blue and red stripes of the Russian flag. The jumbo jet had taken over as the world's most secure airliner from the United States 'Air Force One,' as well as becoming the world's most luxurious airliner. Thousands turned up at the airport in Los Angeles to see the aircraft when the news broadcast its arrival and everyone came to see the Imperial Family leave for Russia. Irina broke a bottle of Vodka over the nose of the giant double-decker plane, christening it, as everyone cheered before the family boarded.
Lena was five months old on Sydney's 28th birthday in April and Katya and Sophia flew in from Italy to celebrate and then stay at Alexander Palace until the Coronation.
The Romanov-Derevko sisters and their daughters had quickly become a favorite of the paparazzi when see out and about in Russia; especially Lena who was growing more beautiful everyday and her little arm in the pink cast still of mass interest to the public who was following her recovery avidly.
For the most part, the completely uncharacteristic press maintained their distance and didn't 'stalk' the Imperial Family. Irina and the family in turn, stopped for a few photographs whenever they were out as a trade-off for some privacy.
Julian had found his way onto Russia's Most Eligible Bachelor's List, listed as #1 and started to receive gobs of fan mail from women and teenage girls all over the world who wanted to marry the adopted son of the future Russian Tsar. Sydney and Sophia had an extraordinary time teasing him about the screaming girls who would gather in groups and fawn all over him whenever they went out to the clubs.
Lena continued to rapidly go through firsts in spite of her broken arm and entertained everyone now with her hilarious faces and reactions to eating baby food.
They all fought over who was going to get to feed her; Sydney usually won out if she were present at feeding time as she could get Lena to eat the most keeping her thoroughly distracted by making faces and talking to her in various languages always making the baby laugh and smile.
Like Sydney, her favorite vegetables were carrots and she hated green beans. Every time they would spoon a glop of the green veggie stuff into her little mouth her face would contort, eyes squinted and she'd shiver as she swallowed it, making them all laugh. By the second bite, Lena figured out this was not something she liked to eat and would promptly spit it right back out.
Mama Irina was still clearly her favorite person in the world and the only person she wanted when she was tired but her Daddy Jack seemed to hold her favor in the mornings, usually getting up before Irina to take his happy baby girl into the kitchen for breakfast, feeding her cereal until his wife came down to nurse her. This soon became their family ritual.
Irina was constantly taking pictures and sending them via-email back to everyone at the CIA, Mikhail and Bella in France, her friends in Russia and throughout the world as well as Sergei and Marcelo in Italy.
President Bush and the First Lady told their staff to mark any 'Lena Updates' as 'Urgent' and pass them through immediately. They were crazy about the baby who had won over their hearts at just five days old, strapped to her desperate sister Sydney's chest, breaking into their bedroom in the middle of the night just a few months ago.
When Lena's cast finally came off after the six long weeks were up, Julian jumped at the chance to take her into the massive new indoor/outdoor heated pool. Irina whipped out the camera to capture her baby's first swim in her new little swimsuit from her Godfather Marshall and Baby Floatie Ring from Godfather Eric, presents given to her for 'Getting Your Cast Off Day.' They spoiled her rotten in their absence and called at least someone in the Bristow house everyday to find out the latest.
Irina had also been cleared to resume her intimate relationship with Jack after 6-weeks of healing from the internal damage done by Cuvee but unlike the much anticipated countdown following Lena's birth, neither Jack or Irina broached the subject at all. Both fearing the other's reaction and readiness for such things. Irina's body still held faint bruises even weeks later, even with her astonishing platelet levels and speed of healing indicating just how deeply Cuvee had really hurt her. Jack was afraid to cause any further damage and held her like glass.
The one early morning Jack had spooned up behind her in his sleep, Irina woke in terror with pounding heart and flying out of bed at feeling his morning arousal pressed into her backside. It had triggered a violent nightmare within and both had tears in their eyes staring at each other across the room at the lingering distance between them and not knowing exactly how they were going to get passed this. It broke Irina's heart to see that the following morning, Jack had placed pillows between them sometime in the night so that he wouldn't accidentally cuddle her again in his sleep and had continued to do so for the last week.
Katya had noticed the change in both Jack and Irina in the mornings and the sadness now continued to carry on throughout the day. She knew her sister had been cleared to resume 'activities' with Jack and worried greatly now, seeing this reaction and what that meant exactly.
She knocked cautiously on Irina's bedroom door after she had retreated there early, skipping dinner with the others, including Jack, who were all going into town. When she declined to join them as well, wanting to stay and talk to Irina, Jack had given her a look that she read as almost relieved. That it seemed he too, hoped she would speak with Irina about whatever it was that was going on.
"Come in." She heard Irina call softly through the door and stepped inside. Her gorgeous sister was sitting back against the pillows of her bed, and her beautiful baby girl already asleep and splayed out over her chest while she read through what appeared to be work documents that she set aside as Katya approached and flashed her a small smile. "I thought you were going to dinner with everyone else?"
"I wanted to stay." Katya sat carefully down beside Irina with a smile and ran her fingers delicately through Lena's curls. "What's going on, Irina?" She asked quietly, holding her dark eyes to her sister's. "What is happening between you and Jack?" She dug right into the conversation and Irina immediately averted her eyes, swallowing hard. "Have you been together...since?" She asked quietly, reaching for Irina's hand and saw the instant tears welling in Irina's eyes.
"No." Irina answered shaking her head sadly no. "He hasn't even tried."
"He's afraid of hurting you." Katya saw the look in her sister's eyes, the hint of doubt about why Jack wasn't even trying. "It's not because he doesn't want you, Rina." She squeezed her fingers and smiled, "The man is absolutely crazy about you!" She laughed softly trying to blink back her own tears, "Have you tried with him? Have you initiated it?"
"No." Irina shook her head again, "I've been afraid to."
"Afraid of what?" Katya asked quietly feeling Irina running wild circles over the back of her hand in nervousness.
"What if we can't get back...what we had before?" Irina wiped angrily at a tear that escaped. "He tried to hold me from behind a week ago and I woke instantly in terror from his touch."
"But it was when you were startled from sleep? Yes?" Katya asked trying to understand and help talk her sister through this. Irina nodded. "That makes sense, Rina. But it doesn't mean that will happen if you try when you're awake and alert. You have to just try, my darling sister." She ran her fingers lovingly down Irina's cheek and arm, "Take it slow and see what happens."
Irina took Katya's advice to heart and when Jack came to bed that night she was nervously waiting for him, not sure how she was going to go about closing the distance growing between them but willing to try and do everything she possibly could to fight for their love and not let this consume them.
Jack silently slid into his place beside her in the bed where she was still reading documents for work and smiled at her softly as she set the papers aside on her nightstand.
"Jack," She spoke quietly gaining his attention and he paused just before turning out his own lamp beside the bed. His eyes flashed in surprise when she climbed onto his lap and straddled his legs. Their bodies pressed tightly together in this way for the first time since before Kashmir. Her dark eyes staring into his, she saw him swallowing hard and felt his instant arousal in such a position. She also saw him trying to fight it. Instead of saying anything more she leaned in slowly, eyes wide open and kissed him gently. Her tongue sweeping gently passed his lips and met his tongue in the faintest of touches causing them both to groin at the missed contact. "I need you." She whispered against his lips, tears pooling in her eyes and heart thundering in her chest.
"Are you sure?" Jack asked breathless, wanting nothing more than to make love to her again but also fearful of hurting her or pushing her too fast and too far.
"Yes. I want my husband." She swallowed hard, cupping his face and blinking back her tears. "I miss him and I want him...if he wants me?" She asked with voice breaking.
"Of course, I want you." Jack cried, kissing her back just as urgently, but softly. "I love you and I miss my wife, too."
"Then make love to me..." She held fast to his dark eyes. "Please?"
*Fix You*
"I don't want to hurt you." Jack whispered his own fear staring into her beautiful dark depths. He meant both physically and emotionally and let her see that in his soul.
"You won't." Irina cried softly with a smile at the pure love she saw reflected back at her. "I trust you, Jack. I know you won't hurt me."
"We will go slow." He swallowed hard already feeling himself growing rock hard beneath her heat and this being the closest contact they'd had in nearly two months. "You're in control, Irina. Tell me what you need."
"I need you." She smiled at him, brushing her lips against his again. "I need to feel your love inside me again. I need to feel safe in your arms." She held back a cry. "I just need you, Jack." She rolled her hips over him feeling his pressing need beneath her and desperate to reconnect with him and feel their love again in this way. "Please?" She whispered just wanting him now. Her fingers reaching between their bodies and grazing his shaft making his breath hitch.
Jack helped her efforts by slowly setting himself free by pushing his pajama pants down with his eyes never leaving hers and wanting her to see nothing but his pure love for her reflecting back at her. Irina's hand joined his own stroking back and forth and then he let go, letting her take over knowing she was consciously making herself aware that this was him, that he loved her and would not hurt her with his body. That his love for her was not a weapon. He groaned feeling her thumb graze over his head and gasped when she lifted herself against him. Pushing her nightgown out of the way she held his shaft poised at her entrance and brushed it lightly through her folds, already slick with anticipation and Jack shuddered, fisting the sheets beside him. Slowly, she sank onto him with just the tip invading her heat and both gasped to feel that sensation again. Her core was now insanely tight again after being sutured back together after being violently ripped apart and they both stilled waiting for her to slowly adjust to his wide girth again before ever so slowly lower herself onto him. Their eyes held intensely and tears coursing down both their cheeks when she finally settled with Jack buried deeply inside her. Irina shuddered with a trembling racing through her whole body.
"Are you okay?" He asked quickly, afraid he was somehow hurting her or she was afraid. His hand reaching up to cup the side of her face tenderly.
Irina's only response was to reach for the sides of her nightgown and lift it slowly over her head. Jack had seen her naked plenty of times over the last several weeks as he helped tend to her wounds but this was different. Now she needed him to help heal the wounds within her soul and that required a different kind of touch than the ones before. She reached for Jack's hands that were fisted tightly into their sheets and felt him relax with her touch. Gently and slowly she placed them against her hips and leaned in to kiss him again. Slowly lifting off of him and then just as slowly thrust back down. A course of new tears rained down her cheeks as she desperately tried to block out the visions and sounds of Cuvee raping her and inhaled a sob, stilling in her movements and shook her head, angry that she was even thinking about that and him right now with Jack.
Jack could see the war she was fighting with herself and knew she was seeing the demon in feeling his touch and reached up gently to cup her face, his thumb brushing away her tears he whispered, "Irina, look at me." When she slowly lifted her head and eyes opened to look at him he held them for just a moment before leaning in to kiss her gently in the softest of kisses, "I love you." He whispered, "Look at me. Look into my eyes." He repeated what she had said to Sydney in trying to get their daughter through her horrific rape. Keeping her focus and in the moment and not thinking about anything else. He shifted their bodies and rolled over her. Pulling out only so long as to free himself completely from the confines of his pajama pants and encased her body beneath him, letting his weight sink onto her and staring into her eyes just as he had that first night in Panama, letting her see nothing but pure love for her shining from his eyes. "I love you." He repeated, kissing her again gently and nudging back into her heat once more. Slowly, inch by inch, he invaded her body with his, eyes holding fast with nothing but love.
Irina's tears continued to run in streams from her eyes down her face and into her hair staring up at Jack and seeing his love for her and feeling it in his every touch and the gentleness in his every move. She loved this man, so much it hurt and sobbed trying to let go of the pain of what had happened to her, to them both by Cuvee's cruelty.
"I love you, Irina." Jack cried with her, pulling out just as slowly and then pushing back in, he leaned forward to kiss her face gently, kissing away her tears that never stopped falling and then kissed her mouth, making love to it just as gently as his body was with hers. His hands found hers and threaded their fingers, planting them beside her head so he could rock back on his knees just a bit more and slowly increased their pace. Their eyes still held fast to each other's as he brought her closer to ecstasy, knowing she was fighting it with the fear inside her and felt her trembling. "I love you," He repeated kissing her lips, "I love you." He chanted softly until she fell with an inhaled cry and shaking around him and beneath him. He dropped to his elbows, encasing her once more and slowed his strokes to keep himself from falling over the edge after her, not sure she was ready for that and trying to take this one step at a time. "I love you." He placed delicate kisses all over her face until she opened her eyes again and found his. "Are you okay?" He whispered with nothing but love in his eyes stilling inside her.
Irina nodded afraid to speak and leaned up to capture his lips with her own, kissing him just as gently but urgently keenly aware that Jack was still rock hard inside her and feeling her own fires now ignited with more want and need of him. She rolled her hips back and against him, initiating their thrusts and Jack took his cue to start moving again. It was the greatest test of his restraint ever in his life to hold back and not erupt inside her completely enveloped in her tight heat and never loving her more than in this moment.
"I love you, Irina." He repeated again kissing her lips and then pulling back to his knees and her up along with him. She was once again straddling his thighs with chests pressed together and he groaned at the new angle of friction. He held her hips as they found their rhythm and once more their eyes were locked onto each others as they fought their way back together, holding onto each other and trying to push Cuvee out with each loving caress and touch and connection. He brought her to the edge again and held her once more as she fell over and he held back from falling after her. Her forehead rolled against his own as she came down with body still trembling around his and he shifted his legs beneath them into a sitting position. His legs folded beneath her sitting in his lap and hers wrapping around his waist. Their bodies now connected so tightly it was impossible to tell where one started and the other ended. His lips trailed kisses over her face and down her neck, venturing further than he had before with his gentle caresses and back up again and then down the other side. His hands and fingers gently grazing up her sides with delicate touches and thumbs grazing the sides of her breasts eliciting a soft moan from Irina.
She cried with a new round of tears at how gentle Jack was being with her and how patient. Again, he had held back from his own release making this entirely about her. He wasn't using her for his pleasure as Cuvee had. He was giving her the exact opposite, intent on making her feel nothing but loved and cherished and she couldn't love him more if she tried in this moment looking into his big dark eyes holding nothing but immense love for her and care and concern. He seemed to read her mind and leaned in once more, capturing her lips with another sweet but intense kiss before whispering, "I love you, Irina."
Her arms encircled his neck and fingers threaded into the back of his hair, pulling him closer and deepening their kiss. She felt more comfortable now and moved against him in a shallow thrust, her mouth moving down Jack's throat placing delicate kisses and swirling her tongue over his pounding pulse point making him bite back a moan. She wanted to show him as much love as he'd been showing to her, focusing on her love for him and reclaiming what was theirs one kiss and caress at a time.
Jack's hands grazed up her sides once more and thumbs brushed over her breasts, moving closer to her nipples and then carefully brushed over one and then the other making her hiss and mew. Her clit now grinding against his pubic bone in this position and rapidly bringing her back to the edge. Her hands cupped the sides of Jack's neck, hanging on and looking into his eyes with tears still falling and seeing his too. She leaned in and kissed him deeply. His arms wrapping around her and his hand sliding down her spine to press against her lower back in the way she had always loved and heard her inhale of a cry with his loving touch. She pulled back once more to stare into his eyes, knowing she was close to falling and wanting him to fall with her. "I love you, Jack." She finally spoke with nothing but love shining back at him, "I love you." She repeated and fell, pulling him over with her intense and deep body pulsating and both cried into each other's necks feeling him wash over her and continuing to roll his hips extending both their ecstasy at being one again.
"I love you, Irina." He repeated, smiling at her as his heart thundered against her chest, feeling hers' thundering back just as hard and loudly. "Forever and always...I love you." He kissed her lips again.
"I love you." She cried softly palming his head in her hands, thumbs brushing lovingly over his ears, resting her forehead with his. "Thank you."
"Irina," He reached for her head holding it just as gently in the same way and forcing her eyes up to look into his. "You never...ever have to thank me for loving you. Never." He said with gentle voice but with fierce conviction. "You deserve to be loved and cherished every second of every minute of every day and I intend to spend my life down to my last breath...showing you that love and making you believe it. You are so worthy, My Love." He cried when she did. "And we will come through this stronger than ever before." He inhaled a cry, holding her more tightly when she sobbed in his arms. "I love you." He flopped them back against their pillows with Irina's body draped over his and held her tightly in his arms until she was eventually asleep. Only when his eyes could no longer stay open did he finally fall asleep with her.
When morning came, Jack once again rolled over and snuggled in behind Irina, draping his arm over her body and spooning in behind her. Almost the moment their bodies came in contact she had woken in a state of terror again, heart pounding and flew out of the bed.
"Irina," He sat up instantly feeling horrible for scaring her. "I'm so sorry." His heart sank that last night's reunion didn't stop her fear and he cursed himself internally for thinking it would be that simple. He knew better but he had hoped foolishly otherwise. "I'm sorry."
"Don't." Irina shook her head blinking back her tears and angry at herself and Cuvee and for doing this to them. "You haven't done anything wrong, Jack. It's me. Not you."
"It's not you either." He shook his head moving towards the edge of the bed and extended his hand towards her. She took it and slowly walked back towards him with heart still thundering in her chest. When he tried to pull her back to sit on his lap she flew forward again the moment her naked bottom came into contact with his morning wood.
"I can't, Jack." Her body trembled and tears immediately came to her eyes. "Not like that. Not from behind." She inhaled a sob that any contact like that now sent an instant flashback to Cuvee grinding into her from behind and overcoming all her senses. "I'm sorry." She shook her head and dropped her head in shame and defeat.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Irina." Jack bounced out of bed, "Nothing!" He said fiercely while reaching out to hold her upper arms gently, resisting the instinct to pull her into his body knowing they were still naked and she had jumped from his earlier contact. "I love you...We will go at your pace." He let his arms drop and gave her a small smile. Reaching back he grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around his waist, heading towards the shower.
He turned on the cold water and dropped the sheet, blinking back tears and taking a deep breath he opened the door and stepped inside, closing his eyes he let the cold spray wash over his back and rested his head against the cool tiles. It was only a moment later that he felt the rush of air and felt the water turn warm and then hot. The moment he turned around he came face to face with Irina, tears streaking madly down her face she launched herself forward, searing her mouth to his in a bruising kiss and crashing their bodies together.
"I want you, Jack." She cried at the swirling emotions inside her, "Please know that I want you. My husband. My Love. I want you." She cried again and wrapped her legs around his waist the moment he picked her up. "I need you." She showered his face with kisses and the urgent need to be one again took over. Fast and furious hands frantically grasping at one another and when Jack lifted her just enough to poise her entrance over his shaft, his eyes once more held fast to hers and slowly lowered her down.
"I love you." He held her tightly too him buried deeply inside and kissed her before starting their syncopated thrusts, hearts pounding against each other. They would find their way through this. Together and one step at a time.