The song of Love

by koukacs

[AU] Taichi and Yamato never became chosen children. Sora, Mimi, Koushiro, Jyou and Takeru were brought to the Digital World to protect it, but the place has a challenging History of conflict and hatred. The distinct world views of the children clash and they must learn to trust one another and their new partners. A journey of self-discovery unfolds for them. [COMPLETE].

19. The Magician's apprentice

One of Koushiro's earliest memories was of a birthday party of a neighbor's child. There were not a lot of details he retained from that day. But all the details he kept had to do with one person.

There was a lady wearing a tuxedo and a top hat. She had a little wand that shot starlight.

Koushiro, in his mother's arms, watched the lady in awe. She pulled flowers from her hat, colorful napkins from her sleeves and made ripped cards whole again.

At some point, the small child asked his mother to put him on the floor. He ran to the lady and asked her if she could teach him how to create magic.

"That's impossible." The lady told him.

The child was heartbroken by hearing that

The woman lowered her body and smiled largely at the child. She gently placed her top hat on his head and said:

"Magic is present in each one of us and surrounds us all. You just need to pay attention to see it."

For the rest of his life, Koushiro would search for that magic.

Chapter 19: The Magician's apprentice

He had to close his eyes to cross the bright portal. This time, that task was harder. He had concerns when entering the pyramid, but back then he also had the hope that everything would be fine by the end.

Now, when he closed his eyes, he was back in the freezing darkness, with someone he could not discern. The only light came when Sora and Birdramon erupted into that place. He saw for a glimpse of a second someone wearing a dark cloak turning to the girl as crystals of ice spread through the air. Koushiro freed one of his arms from whoever was holding them behind him and stretched it to Sora. But that was a futile gesture. And it remained that way as many times as the boy had to relive the moment, when he had to close his eyes.

Sora was gone. But he could still rescue her. There had to be a solution. Even if Otae did not have the complete answer, he could still work it out. He had the crest of knowledge, as Wisemon had told him one day before. People had always praised him for his intelligence. Most times, that was all what people praised him for. His intellect had to be of use in that situation.

"Koushiro-han!" Tentomon's voice came from his right. The boy opened his eyes to a desert. Dark clouds covered the sky and the sound of thunder could be heard from many directions. The wind was strong enough to carry big amounts of sand. It was hard to keep his eyes open. Koushiro turned around and pressed the silver disc, closing the portal. He put the object in the brown bag Kanda had given him. The boy took from the bag a bracelet that had a square brown compartment attached to it, and a small screen on the compartment. Kanda had told the kid that the data of an object that belonged to Otae was in that bracelet and that the screen would indicate her location once she was close enough.

"Koushiro-han, I'm talking to you!" Tentomon spoke again. Koushiro turned to the direction his partner was pointing to while putting the bracelet on.

A few steps to their right, a massive rocky structure emerged from the sand. Its irregular curve branches resembled those of a tree. The strange object had a trunk supported by four large and tall tube-like legs. The space among them and below the trunk was wide enough to accommodate a group of three or four people.

Koushiro absorbed as many details of the structure as he could. It was taller than 20 meters. Its gray appearance indicated what kind of material it should be made of. The boy looked around, despite the wind and the big mass of sand being carried by it. He could tell that there were several other irregular structures like that one dispersed through the desert.

"Ha…" Koushiro let a giggle escape his mouth. The sound surprised Tentomon. He paid attention to the human and noticed the amazed look he had while facing the structure. The boy smiled largely and placed his hands by the sides of his face. He turned around a couple of times and returned to examine the object. His eyes shone more at each turn.

"Koushiro-han?" Tentomon called him, failing at figuring out what was making the boy behave like that.

"It's fulgurite! How can it be fulgurite? It must've been uncovered by the wind! But something this big shouldn't be standing anymore! Aren't fulgurites supposed to be super fragile? How can it still be standing in a place like this with this kind of weather? Is the silica in the Digital World more resistant than in our world? Is the lightning here more potent? Maybe it was created by several thunderbolts hitting a spot at once! I never imagined something like this… I can't believe I'm seeing this with my own eyes!" Koushiro's voice was becoming increasingly higher and his eyes were getting wider.

"What's fulgurite?" Tentomon asked, not understanding his friend's enthusiasm.

"When lightning hits sand high in silica or quartz, it creates small silica glass hollow structures!" Koushiro nearly shouted in excitement. "It's glass, Tentomon! Isn't it incredible?! It's sand fused! It's huge! It shouldn't be like this! It shouldn't be intact! But it is, against all odds! It's…" The boy's vocabulary was rich for his age, but at that moment he was at a loss of words. Confronted by the impossible, by the unthinkable, his heart was beating so fast that he felt as if it was about to explode. But that was a good feeling. Not the one he felt when he was scared, but something completely different. He was full of energy and strangely calm at once. He wanted to scream his lungs out but also wanted to be in respectful silence, in reverence of the structure. As paradoxical emotions collided, his mind worked rapidly to comprehend what he was experiencing. Only one adjective was able to wrap the state of wonder the boy was in. "It's beautiful!"

Tentomon did not understand most of what the child said. But the digimon's heart felt lighter by seeing his partner in so much joy.

However, it was inevitable for Koushiro to blink. As he reopened his eyes, the gleeful expression he had was replaced by a different one. His eyes became half closed, his eyebrows were furrowed, his smile vanished and his mouth stayed half open.

What was Koushiro doing, wasting time admiring fulgurites when Sora was possibly in danger? When she had been entrapped in a dark world to protect him? For a couple of minutes, his mind had completely erased her. How could he have let that happen? What kind of person forgets someone because of glass?

The heavy sensation in his chest returned. He could not waste time with meaningless things. Koushiro had to completely dedicate himself to help Sora. He turned his attention to the screen on the bracelet. There were no buttons to press. Should the boy just wait until Otae came in the reach of the tracking device? He could not waste time like that! He did not know whether the cloaked figure he saw in the darkness was real or not. Regardless of that, he could not stop worrying.

Koushiro began to walk aimlessly. Tentomon was about to fly after him but, as soon as the digimon set flight, the wind carried him away. The boy heard his friend scream and ran after him. Luckily, Tentomon was able to grab a branch of fulgurite a few dozens of meters away.

Not only was the sound of thunder becoming louder and the wind stronger, lightning began to strike the sand in multiple places. Tentomon managed to make his way to the space under the trunk and among the supporting legs of the structure. He could see Koushiro running in his direction. The digimon wanted to fly to where the boy was but he knew that the wind would carry his light body away if he attempted that.

"Koushiro-han, hurry!" Tentomon urged his friend.

Koushiro was relieved to see that Tentomon was safe. The lightning was striking spots closer to him. They were so powerful that felt like small explosions. Ten steps away from the digimon's hiding place, the screen on the bracelet began to make a buzzing noise. Koushiro looked at it and found a radar in the screen, with a red spot approaching his location.

Lightning struck the sand five meters away from him. The impact made Koushiro lose his balance and fall with his face on the sand. He looked at the screen and saw the spot getting increasingly closer to him.

"Koushiro-han, your hair is up!" Tentomon shouted. Koushiro touched his hair and realized that several threads of it were getting straightened and pointing to the sky. The air is full of electricity! Koushiro thought, standing up as quickly as he could and attempting to reach the hiding place in time.

But there was no time.

The brightest light he had ever seen. Time slowed down and there was a sensation of weightlessness and a huge explosion right before everything became suddenly quiet.

When he came to himself, he was on his knees and his palms on the sand, facing down. Shaking violently, Koushiro glanced to his right and saw someone there. The stranger wore a long and dirty brown cape and was holding a metallic bar in their right hand, which had a purple tattoo of two pairs of concentric circles connected by a bridge on its back. The child felt dizzy and passed out.

Koushiro was back in the dark world but this time it was not completely dark. Red light came from the sky and, a few meters in his front, the figure wearing the dark cloak was a couple of steps away from Birdramon, who was trapped in a wall of ice.

They paid no attention to him, as if he was not there.

"She failed again, just like all the other times." The figure spoke gently, with a feminine voice.

"Stay away from me!" Birdramon hissed as tears streamed down her face.

"You just have to say it and I'll let you go." The figure lifted her right hand and caressed the monster's beak. "You can leave this torment and go back to the Digital World any time you want."

"I'm not going anywhere without Sora!" Birdramon stated ferociously, making the stranger retreat her hand.

"She doesn't deserve yours or anyone's sacrifice." The stranger affirmed.

"I can save her!" Birdramon cried. "I know my words can reach Sora-"

"That girl is too far gone in her own ignorance." The cloaked person stated. Suddenly, she turned her face to Koushiro's direction. The only thing he could see beyond the darkness under the hood was a pair of red eyes that glowed faintly. "There's no salvation for her!"

Koushiro woke up, scared, facing a floor covered by papers. The boy was not sure if what he had seen had been a simple nightmare or something else. He could feel a vibration coming from below. Thunder reverberated through the place. The kid sat up and found Tentomon sleeping by his side.

"He flew after you after that lightning descended." A voice came from a few meters in his front. "The wind would've carried him away had I not caught him with my whip. That thing was soaked in sleeping medicine; your friend won't wake up too soon."

Koushiro stood up slowly. The boy still had his computer backpack and the brown bag he had received earlier. He could see the back of the person sitting in front of a white board filled with equations. She had silver hair badly arranged in a bun. He approached her slowly, glancing around. The place was dark and broad, with some small windows dispersed around it, from which the lights of the thunderstorm outside came. Metal pieces of different shapes and sizes formed the irregular walls. The room was round and the ceiling was high. Papers and books covered the entire floor and white boards were placed on it and on the walls.

"Are you Otae-san?" Koushiro asked in low voice, once he was right behind the adult. He noticed a pair of red goggles hanging on the board in which she was working. Without turning around, she lifted her right hand and showed the bracelet the boy had been wearing before in her grip. On the back of her hand, the purple tattoo was visible.

"Kanda sent you." She stated, dryly. "I saw your digivice. He brought you here, didn't he?"

"Kanda-san said that the crests didn't work-"

"Oh, so we've been replaced!" Her voice became suddenly higher, startling the boy. "Are you here alone? Where are the other four? There has to be one for each of us, right?"

"I came by myself-" He began.

"What's your crest?" She inquired.

"Knowledge." He informed in low voice.

"Ha…" She laughed, but there was no sign of joy in her voice. "The crest for shitty human beings who don't have redeemable qualities, am I right?"

Koushiro was shocked by the woman's rudeness. Otae's words, however, resonated in his mind. Their crest did not represent a virtue like honesty or love. It was an indication of how much information they possessed. Knowledge itself was more of a matter of fact than a quality. What really mattered was how they could use what they knew. For Koushiro, the purpose of his intelligence had been clear for years.

His knowledge was useful to help people. Koushiro's skills could be applied in many ways. People praised him for what he could do, which caught him by surprise at first. He was an annoyance when he merely talked about things he found interesting, there was no longer a need for him to be informed of that fact. Even when people did not say it to his face, he could listen to the whispers in the classroom and the muffled laughs the other children had while looking at him using his computer. But when the tests were coming or there were school projects, or simply if someone had a computer problem, Koushiro's help was asked. A warm feeling spread inside him when he was able to do something for someone else. In those moments, the boy was not a bothersome presence, but a person who had something to offer.

What Otae had said made sense. Nevertheless, there was no time to reflect on his flaws. He had to help someone.

"Otae-san…" Koushiro spoke. "I came here because I need your help."

"Of course you need." She murmured. "Solving problems is what I do. 'Help me with my home work, Otae-san,' 'help me making a cake, Otae-chan,' 'I bet you can fix the computer, Ne-'"

Her voice broke and she did not finish the sentence. The boy wondered if she was going to say 'Nee-chan.' Koushiro felt his heart get heavier. The woman had lost someone she actually knew and was sure to have loved. He could not understand her pain. He lacked that basic empathy most people were born with. It was usually hard for him to figure out what intentions people had behind their behaviors. Worse than that, sometimes he miscalculated how his words and actions would affect other people.

Like one time when one of the members of the soccer club was upset because he had not made it to the line-up of the next game. Koushiro believed that the boy would feel better if he was told that he just had to practice more. The other kid shouted at him, called Koushiro some horrible names and told the redhead kid that someone like him could never understand other people's feelings. Sora had heard the commotion and came to resolve the situation. The girl asked that kid to calm down. She told him that his effort was valuable and that the reason he had not been chosen was because there were too many people working hard as well, but that he should not give up because of it. Koushiro saw the boy who had been so angry minutes before smiling at Sora and thanking for her words.

People like Sora were capable of understanding clearly the sentiments of others. They knew the exact words they had to say to make someone feel better. People like Koushiro were faulty in that department. Therefore, it was futile for him to search for words of consolation for the previous bearer of his crest.

"I'm very sorry." Koushiro murmured. "But I really need your help, Otae-san."

"Heh." The woman had a dry laugh. "You go straight to the point. Okay, then. Tell me what you want."

The boy sighed, a little relieved.

"I need information on the dark orbs that were used as prisons in Seraphimon's time. Sora-san is trapped in one."

"Sora? The Sky?" The woman inquired, lowering her hand and placing it on her lap.

"Not the sky, a human girl." Koushiro corrected.

"A friend of yours?" Otae asked.

Koushiro hesitated. Sora was a nice sempai in the soccer club and looked after everybody. She did so much for everybody… she cared so much that she did not think about her own well-being. And that had been precisely the reason behind her current situation. Sora was concerned about Takeru and would not let him go to the pyramid. When Koushiro was in danger, she sacrificed herself to rescue him. She was selfless, noble… and yet she was always so harsh to herself… she was so worried about how other people would perceive her. Koushiro was not supposed to know any of that. He should never have seen more than what she had chosen to show. If he could have imagined that he would invade Sora's most private thoughts by holding that mirror, if he could have stopped himself from doing that, a lot of heartache would have been spared for the girl and she surely would be in a better place now. She would have been happier knowing that nobody could see her inner darkness.

Koushiro and Sora had never been close and they were never meant to be close. He was just a random underclassman like many others. It was true that Taichi had taken an interest in him and that had the consequence of Sora spending time with the two boys. But all that they ever had were meaningless conversations, mostly initiated by Taichi bringing up subjects to test the little boy's knowledge. Sora had never intended to be Koushiro's friend. That was clear. It was right. She treated him as well as any other child and Koushiro treated her as politely as anyone else. They were not supposed to be friends, yet Koushiro barged into her privacy and broke her heart. She should resent him deeply for that. Instead, she saved him.

"Sora-san is a good person." Koushiro said. "She's caring, sensitive… immensely kind."

"What's her crest?" Otae asked in a murmur, as if afraid of the answer.

"Love." The boy replied.

The woman's body trembled at the sound of that word.

"Kanda-san has been looking for you." Koushiro told her.

"I know." The woman replied.

"Why don't you show yourself to him?" The child asked.

"I have nothing to say to him, to Homura or to Tamaki." Otae affirmed in a melancholic tone. "What would be the point of meeting any of them?"

"Kanda-san is concerned about you." Koushiro informed. "I believe they all must be."

"That's their mistake." Otae's voice was so low that it was difficult to listen, especially because of the thunders outside. "Nobody should waste time thinking about me."

Koushiro felt his eyes getting humid.

"Thank you for what you did." The boy said. "You saved me from that lightning."

"I can recover from any injury and you can't. It was the logical thing to do." She muttered. "His sunflowers were ruined, though. That was pitiful."

"His?" Koushiro asked, looking around. "Is there anyone else here?"

Otae took her left hand to her chest and said nothing. Koushiro went to her side and noticed that she had put the bracelet on her left wrist and was now holding a pendant in the hand on her chest. In the object, there was a yellow rock with a drawing of the sun rising on the sea.

Koushiro examined the woman. She had big blue eyes, but they were different from Takeru's; they had an icy streak to them. Her skin was sickly pale. Her hair was messy and had an uncanny dirtiness to it, as if it had not been washed in a long time. Her jersey and pants had dirt stains. She was barefooted.

"That symbol is different from the one on the back of your right hand." Koushiro commented.

"This is Shinsuke's crest." Otae sounded defensive, not looking at the boy. "Don't compare it to that ugly thing I used as the floor for this flying piece of junk."

"We're flying…" Koushiro thought aloud. "Did you build this ship? And the crest is serving as its floor?"

"I just put trash together to hide myself in the clouds." She said with indifference, putting the pendant under her jersey. "The sky here always has colossal clouds and thunderstorms. And there's a sunflower field not too far away. It's a good place to think. Nobody is around."

"It's good to be alone." The boy agreed. "Not having to deal with people… no worries… it's peaceful."

"You're a stupid brat who has no social skills at all, aren't you?" Otae inquired. "An insensitive loser everybody is better without."

Koushiro could not deny the truth in those words. He was taken by surprise when the woman turned to him and added, showing him a smug grin:

"Almost as bad as me."

Koushiro blushed at that statement.

"So, the sky child is in a dark orb?" Otae brought the subject back.

Koushiro was assaulted by guilt. For the second time in that day, Sora had escaped his mind. What was the matter with him? How could he allow himself to get distracted again?

"Yes!" He almost yelled. "Do you know how I can save her? Any information is helpful!"

Otae studied the boy with a serious expression for a couple of minutes, scratching her head. Then, she told him in an apologetic tone:

"That girl can't be saved."

"What?" Koushiro gasped. What was Otae saying? Of course Sora could be saved! He only had to know how to do it! If he had enough information, it was only a matter of time to get her out.

"For all I know, those spheres were created to entrap its victims in purgatories." Otae explained. "Their purpose is to force the victims to confront all the darkness in their souls. To overcome that darkness is the only way to break free, but nobody has ever been able to do that." Otae explained.

"Overcome the darkness?" The boy was confused. What did that mean? Was he supposed to just wait for Sora to find her way out of that situation alone? "What happens if she can't do that?"

"She'll be imprisoned for all eternity, unable to move on." Otae explained. "Obsessive thoughts, despair, fear, hatred, self-loathing… the orb feeds on those things and creates a perfect nightmare for the victim. You can think of the orb as a private torture chamber."

"Torture… eternity…?!" Koushiro's entire body trembled and was engulfed by coldness. "But it can't… no… it can't…"

"There's nothing you can do about it." Otae told him.

"NO!" Koushiro shouted, startling the other. "There has to be something I can do! There has to be a way! I can't just sit around and abandon Sora-san!"

Koushiro was breathing rapidly, feeling as if his brain was boiling in search of a solution.

"The files!" The boy yelled. "The documents you read about the orbs! Where are they?!"

"There's nothing useful for you in them." Otae remarked.

"I'm not going to give up!" Koushiro made a promise to himself.

Otae glanced at a spot under the board and then glanced back at the boy

"I'm not going to stop you from looking for them." Otae said. "But don't count on my help."

Koushiro felt his heart sink as he looked at the amount of papers spread around. How many were there? How long would he take to find the information he needed?

"Please, help me to look for them!" Koushiro pleaded. "I can't waste time! I need to save Sora-san!"

"Why should I care about some kid I don't even know? I have my own problems to solve!" Otae spoke harshly.

"How can you just ignore someone who needs your help?" Koushiro was confused. He had believed that they had things in common. But if the woman was anything like him, she would never act like that. She would never refuse to assist someone.

Otae did not reply. Koushiro turned around and looked down. He could not even begin to calculate how many papers and books there were on the floor. But there was no time to worry about that. He kneeled and started picking a paper after another, searching for the word orb. He examined more than one paper at a time and then began to grab nearby books as well. The letters danced in front of him; he could not see the word he was looking for.

What could be happening to Sora at that moment? Since the dream with Birdramon, he was scared of blinking and seeing something else. Could he be linked to the orb? When Koushiro woke up in Homura's base, he felt compelled to head in a specific direction. He did not have any logical reason for that, but he felt that he would find Sora by doing it. But if he had found the orb, what would he have done? Would he just let himself be entrapped and become another source of preoccupation for Sora? He needed a plan! He needed to know how to get her out safely!

"When did you come to this world?" Otae asked behind him.

"Five days ago." Koushiro replied automatically, without looking away from the many papers he was examining at once.

"Five minutes ago, then." Otae muttered.

"No! Five days! What are you trying to do? I don't have time for you games!" Koushiro yelled as small tears gathered in his eyes.

"I'm not playing games with you." Otae explained. "One day in the Digital World is one minute in the human world. Although it felt like an eternity to us, our final battle against the Queen took place in the same day we arrived, August 3rd of 1995."

Koushiro stopped paying attention to the papers and turned to the woman, who was facing the white board. One day in the Digital World was one minute in his world. The original chosen children had arrived almost four years before them. Sixty minutes in one hour, 1,440 minutes in a day, 525,600 minutes in a year, 2,102,400 minutes in four years, 2,102,400 days divided by 365 was roughly…

"Five thousand, seven hundred and sixty years." Koushiro muttered, in shock.

"So you're from 1999?" Otae asked with indifference.

"But that's… how…?" The boy wanted to make too many questions at once.

"We have bodies that keep regenerating, no matter what kind of wound we suffer." She replied. "Bodies that don't need sustenance or rest. Bodies that can't die."

"Immortality…" Koushiro murmured, widening his eyes. "That's incredible!" He exclaimed. "Thousands of years of discoveries! Thousands of years worthy of knowledge! Is your memory enhanced? A human brain wouldn't be able to remember a specific date after-"

"That was my brother's twelfth birthday." Otae informed.

There was a freezing feeling coming from his spine and spreading to his body. He was so stupid!

"I'm sorry." Koushiro said, ashamed.

"Weren't you shouting at me not long ago?" Otae had annoyance in her voice.

"I heard what happened to your brother." Koushiro was searching for a way to properly apologize for his indelicacy.

"It was his birthday." She recalled. "I had gotten him a pair of goggles the year before. I wanted to make something special and there was a broken computer in the orphanage. Everybody was so enthusiastic when I fixed it. But when I turned the thing on… those stupid little machines came out. And then everything…"

"I'm sorry." Koushiro repeated.

"It doesn't matter." She dismissed.

"What happened wasn't your fault." He told her.

"I said it doesn't matter!" Otae stated. "It won't be a problem soon!"

What does she mean by that? Koushiro wondered. He glanced at the boards filled with formulas and diverse equations around, attempting to figure out what the woman was trying to do. His eyes felt dry and he blinked. A glimpse of the dark world flashed before him; the mysterious cloaked person was right in front of him. The boy quickly reopened his eyes. He had no time to lose and restarted his search.

When Tentomon woke up, he found his partner in a hole. Apparently, Koushiro had dug it by removing books and papers from the floor. The last time he had seen his partner, it was right after the lightning came and was redirected by a metal bar held by a stranger wearing a cape. Koushiro fainted and Tentomon flew immediately to his partner but was caught by the wind. The stranger pulled him to the ground. Before the insect monster passed out, he saw three burned sunflowers on the sand.

"Koushiro-han, are you okay? Where are we?" He asked, approaching the boy. "What are you doing?"

"Otae-san said that the files about the dark orbs are somewhere among these documents." Koushiro replied, closing his eyes and massaging his temples with a pained expression. He reopened them quickly and Tentomon noticed they were red. Was the boy keeping his eyes open for too long?

"I'm going to help you." The digimon said, picking a few books up. Several hours passed; the sounds of the storm were gone and the floor and walls were no longer trembling. The digimon came across a paper that had a drawing of a tree emerging from a lake and its fruits, which were labeled prophecy apples. Tentomon gulped. Piyomon had told them about her nightmare, in which Sora was swallowed by a sea of darkness. It had come true. He glanced at his partner, who was examining three open books at once. This is not the time to worry about this, he thought, I don't understand what that dream was but I'll protect Koushiro-han.

When it got darker, small multicolored balls of light descended from the ceiling and hovered a few meters above the floor.

"Take a look at those!" Tentomon had marvel in his voice.

"I can't take my eyes from these documents! I need to find the files about the orbs!" Koushiro spoke with impatience.

"But those lights are pretty! I think you'd like to look at them." The digital monster insisted.

"Tentomon, please, don't distract me now!" Koushiro's voice came out harshly. The digimon took a closer look at the boy. He was leaning on the open books in front of him. His trembling hands leafed through the pages of each of them intermittently. The muscles around his eyes and mouth were twitching. Koushiro kept his eyes the most open he could.

Did he even notice what he was doing?

"Put those books aside and rest for five minutes." Tentomon ordered. He was not going to waste time with politeness.

"I can't rest now! I haven't found anything yet!" Koushiro rejected his order.

"You're overworking yourself!" Tentomon told him.

"I'm going to be fine!" The boy dismissed.

"I'm concerned about you!" The monster raised his voice.

"I CAN'T STOP! WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Koushiro shouted, glaring at his partner. "I DON'T HAVE THE LUXURY TO TAKE A BREAK WHILE SORA-SAN-"

"YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO LOST A FRIEND, YOU KNOW?" Tentomon shouted too. "Piyomon has been part of my life since ever! I'm worried about her! All the other digimon are worried about her! But we have to keep it together, you know?! We have to stay strong for you guys!"

Koushiro stared at Tentomon, astonished. Then he lowered his head and covered his face with both his hands.

"I'm the worst." The child muttered. "I hadn't even considered that."

"It's alright."

"It's not alright!" Koushiro cried. "I always do this! All the time! I have no idea how to deal with others' feelings! No matter what I do, I always say the wrong things! I always do the wrong things!"

"Koushiro-han, don't be like that. I'm sorry!" Tentomon tried to amend the situation.

"I don't know how to do this right." The boy confessed. "I try so hard not to be like this but I can't help it! I can't avoid being an awful person!"

"You're not awful!" Tentomon protested.

"Yes, I am! I've always been aware of it!" Koushiro reiterated. "I never knew how to deal with people! They are too difficult to understand! So I tried to preemptively stop myself from hurting others! I tried not to dwell on difficult subjects with other people but… even by doing that… I just made everything worse…"

"Are you talking about something specific?" Tentomon inquired. Koushiro looked up to him; the boy's face was wet by sweat and tears.

"I t-told Sora-san about my concerns regarding the orb." Koushiro sobbed. "I told her that I thought that, because of that mirror, that the orb could target me and that we should tell Kanda-san about it. But she was sure that I was worrying about nothing and that it was not worthy putting Takeru-kun in my place over a small possibility. I was not convinced, Tentomon, but I didn't want to pressure her! I didn't want to insist on a subject that I knew was hurtful to her! So I told myself it was going to be okay… I l-lied to myself…"

"Koushiro-han…"

"What should I have done?!" Koushiro asked. "Should I have insisted on that conversation and hurt her further? Should I have gone behind her back and told Kanda-san about the memory I saw in the mirror? Should I have told the others? What should I have done? What was the right thing to do?!"

"Sora-han knew?" Tentomon's voice was cold and piercing. "She knew the risk you were putting yourself in and agreed to it?"

"It's not like that!" Koushiro said. "Sora-san didn't actually believe I was going to be in real danger!"

"She was willing to sacrifice you!"

"It's more complicated than that!"

"Why are you defending her?!"

"SHE SAVED ME! SHE SACRIFICED HERSELF TO SAVE ME!"

"SHE PUT YOU IN THAT SITUATION TO BEGIN WITH! SHE DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH-"

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY SHE DIDN'T CARE!" Koushiro stood up, clenching his fists and looking Tentomon in the eyes. "YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER!"

"AND YOU DO?!" Tentomon questioned.

"I'VE BEEN IN HER MIND!" Koushiro shouted.

They stared at each other for a couple of unbearable minutes.

"Why do you have to be like this?" Tentomon had a depressed voice. "She did a bad thing to you. Why can't you just let yourself be mad at her?"

The boy lowered his head, breaking eye contact, and replied:

"I know I shouldn't be."

Otae approached them, carrying a few papers.

"You should've told me that you had shared a mirror with that girl, you moron." She scolded Koushiro, handing him the papers. "I couldn't guess there were still mirrors spread around this world."

"You had the files all along?!" Tentomon had anger in his voice. "You had them and you made us look for them for hours?!"

"I thought you had a lost cause and that the boy would eventually give up." There was no sign of sorrow in Otae's voice.

Tentomon looked at Koushiro, waiting to see how the boy was going to react. The child simply stared at the papers given by the woman, without protesting about the disrespectful way she had treated him. The digimon was not surprised, despite still being engulfed with sadness. Koushiro could be outraged when someone tried to stop him from doing something he believed to be of help to other people. He could get upset when someone showed concern for him. However, the human would not get angry for his own sake. He would not confront another person just because his feelings had been hurt. Tentomon had known that since he had been so easily forgiven by his partner. That knowledge broke his heart.

"This is…" Koushiro murmured, perplexed.

"Nanomon had created the mirrors as a countermeasure to the dark orbs." Otae explained. "Those are objects that store someone's memories. When someone else touches it, the previous memories are transferred to this person and their memories are registered in the mirror."

"These papers say that if a person is trapped in an orb, someone who had shared a mirror with them would be able to enter the sphere and leave it at will." Koushiro was thinking aloud. "Then… if I had been captured, I could've just left the orb? Sora-san sacrificed herself for nothing?"

That could not be right. It had to be a cruel joke. Koushiro left the hole in the amount of books and stood up. He looked to Otae expecting her to give him a different explanation. However, the woman simply stared at him, with sadness. The boy turned to Tentomon, but the monster did not say anything.

"You already have the solution for your problem." Otae informed.

"You said that Sora-san could only get out of there by overcoming the darkness! How me being able to get in the orb would help if I can't bring her out?!"

"You can talk to her!" Tentomon suggested. "As long as you leave before things get dangerous, you could explain the situation to Sora-han and help her out with her problems."

"What do you mean by help her out? What do you expect me to say to her?!" Koushiro snapped. "I need an objective plan! I need a sure way to save her!"

"You can't save her!" Otae stated. "Only she can save herself! All you can do is give her emotional support so she-"

"But I can't do that! I'm not capable of that!" Koushiro cried, letting the papers escape from his fingers. He held his head with both hands and looked down. He was not sensitive or empathetic! He had terrible people skills! It was impossible for him to comfort anyone, especially Sora! The boy could not comprehend her problems! It was impossible for him to understand why the girl was so angry at her mother! Koushiro would never argue with his parents! He would never oppose them! He was grateful for them. He had to be grateful. Sora, on the other hand, did not have that need.

Sora should not doubt that she deserved love. Koushiro did not think he deserved anything and was more than glad for whatever he received. They could not be more different. If Koushiro's words reaching her was Sora's only hope, then everything was lost.

"I can't…" He murmured. "It's impossible for me… I can't…"

"You have to believe in yourself, Koushiro-han!" Tentomon tried to cheer him up. "Don't you remember how Kanda-han was surprised about the orb targeting you despite you seeing only one memory of Sora-han? That must mean that the two of you are close!"

"One memory?" Otae was surprised. "For only one memory to do that… you must have a similar personality to the girl's."

"What the… what are you talking about? Of course I don't!" Koushiro protested, glaring at Otae. "You know nothing about Sora-san! She's kind! She always worries too much about everybody! She keeps her problems to herself so nobody is concerned about her! She works so hard… she tries so hard to be good! And despite all that, she has such a low view of herself… she…" The child's voice became lower and his anger was diminishing. "Sora-san doesn't want to let others down."

"Just like you." Tentomon said, sadly. Shocked, Koushiro moved his head to his friend's direction and saw the insect monster shedding tears.

"What…?" The boy asked.

"You really don't see it, do you?" Tentomon had a resigned voice. "All those qualities you ascribed to Sora apply you as well."

"You're mistaken!" Koushiro assumed a defensive tone. "I have nothing like that in me!"

"You'd see it if you looked inside you." Tentomon told him. "If you really looked into your heart, with no fear."

But I know what I have inside, Koushiro thought, anxious. He knew he had nothing admirable in himself! He knew he had no worth aside from how he could help others! He knew… like he knew that his parents took care of him just out of kindness and not love… like he knew Jyou hated him… like he knew that he had ruined his friendship with Tentomon. However, all those things he had believed to be facts turned out to be completely wrong. The reality that his mind had built did not correspond to the actual world. His biased views distorted that information. His dark emotions… his obsessive thoughts…

If his personality was so similar to Sora's that it took only one memory to activate the orb, did that mean that they had common virtues and flaws? Sora's self-loathing, self-destructiveness, the way she blamed herself for everything… if those traits were similar to his, perhaps they had also been born from a distorted understanding of the world. Maybe Sora's entire reality had also been built upon lies that her mind invented.

Koushiro stared at his partner for almost two minutes. A paradoxical feeling wrapped him as he finally reached the conclusion that should have been obvious from the start. Sora seemed to be completely different from him because the boy could only focus on her good qualities while he was incapable of seeing those same qualities in himself. And maybe Sora did the same in regards to him. He still was not sure if he could really help the girl. But now it was as if he had begun to walk in the right direction.

"Maybe…" The boy murmured. "If I talked to her, maybe… it could work."

It was subtle, but Tentomon saw a smile in Koushiro's lips. There was still doubt in his eyes, but he had moved from complete pessimism to allowing a small hope to sprout in his heart. Tentomon felt warm on the inside. He had said something that actually made his friend feel better.

"If you already resolved this, you'd better leave my ship and go help that girl." Otae remarked, walking away. "I could get you a disc or just open the ceiling for you. If your partner evolves, he can fly you away, right?"

"Yes." Koushiro said, looking up. Hundreds of little colorful balls of light danced under the ceiling. The child opened his mouth in awe. Their movements were uncoordinated; some were faster than others and they all managed to avoid hitting anything. "What are those?"

"Desert fireflies." Otae explained, searching for something on the right wall, behind two boards. "They come through the windows and fissures of the ship. There are thousands of those things outside."

"But where do they come from? How do they survive in the desert? Is there enough moist for them? How do they emit different types of light? How-?" Koushiro was getting excited.

"I don't know and I don't care about it!" The woman said, irritated. "They're just a nuisance distracting me from my work."

"Why do you have to be so rude to Koushiro-han?!" Tentomon was annoyed.

"What are you working on?" Koushiro asked in a polite tone. "Most of the papers and books I've seen are about Theoretical Physics."

"It won't be just theory once I'm finished." Otae smirked.

Koushiro frowned.

"What are you trying to do?" He asked, seriously.

"I'm going to fix everything." She said, focusing on the wall.

"What do you mean?" Koushiro asked in low voice.

The woman turned to him and looked into his eyes, showing him a sad smile as she replied:

"I'm going to fix the past."

"W-what?!" Tentomon was taken aback.

"That's impossible!" Koushiro affirmed.

"Just because it hasn't been done before, it doesn't mean that it's impossible!" Otae stated.

"In this case it is!" The boy insisted. "If it were possible, don't you think we would have time-travelers visiting the past?!"

"Maybe I'm the only person who will ever do this." Otae theorized. "I just need to go back once."

"For how long have you been working on this?" Koushiro inquired.

"Ever since Shinsuke..." Otae could not finish. "I'm perfecting the equations… I'm almost there; I just need to figure a few things out."

"For how long have you been trying to figure those things out?" Koushiro asked. "Centuries?"

"I have all time at my disposal! It doesn't matter how long I take!" Otae shrugged it off.

"Of course it does!" Koushiro slightly raised his voice. "Civilizations rose and fell during the amount of time you spent on this project. Have you not considered that, maybe, the reason why you can't reach the solution you want is because it doesn't exist?"

"I'm going to figure it out!" Otae's voice became graver and more sinister. "That's what I do! That's all I've ever done! I might not have been the most supportive, sensitive or caring person, but I have always been clever!"

"I don't doubt you." Koushiro said. "You could be the most intelligent human to ever exist but you still wouldn't be able to change the past! It's immutable! Have you never heard that time is like a frozen river-"

"Don't you lecture me on Einstein!" Otae shouted. "What did he know? Just because he said that, it doesn't have to be true!"

"Okay, let's assume that you can really pull this off…" Koushiro pondered. "Let's assume that you manage to go back in time. Have you ever heard of the time machine paradox? If you build a machine to change something in your past, the reason that made you go back in time ceases to exist. What would happen? What if the whole world is destroyed by that paradox?"

"It's worth the risk." Otae affirmed.

"But…" Tentomon was shaking. "If the world is destroyed, everybody would die!"

"But if I succeed, none of us would have come to this world." Otae explained. "None of those things would've happened… Shinsuke…"

"Your brother's life is not more important-" Koushiro began.

"SHUT UP!" Otae roared. "Why are you opposing me?! If I changed the past, it'd be good for you as well, don't you understand?! Kanda would've never brought you kids here! The girl you're so desperate to save would've never been put in danger!"

The woman noticed how Koushiro's eyes widened and his face paled. That motivated her to continue her rhetoric.

"You must've been through a lot of crap, right?" She inquired, taking a step in the boy's direction. "Think about all the tragedies, all the pain and all the heartbreak this world has brought to you. Are you honestly telling me that, if you had the chance to stop that misery from ever happening, you would not take it? Would you not change your past?"

Koushiro blinked. The flashes of the cloaked figured appeared but he resisted the urge of reopening his eyes. Sora was trapped in that hell, being tortured by her own thoughts and emotions. There was no guarantee that he would be able to help her. And even if he did, she probably would not return to be the person she was before the experience.

Had they never come to the Digital World, Sora and Koushiro would still have a distant and formal relationship of kouhai-sempai. The way he came to know about the girl's secrets was regrettable, but would it have been better if Sora had succeeded in hiding her true self from everybody forever? Would that not be too great of a burden for her? When they talked in the underground temple, despite Sora being hurt, she was grateful that Koushiro did not reject her. He dared to say that she felt better after that conversation. But then, none of them insisted on the subject anymore. Maybe unconsciously, they drifted apart. The good memory of that moment of intimacy had been buried under their fear of letting someone get truly close to themselves.

Sora wanted to be seen a certain way. Koushiro did not want to be a nuisance. Had they never come to the Digital World, they would have kept living their lives like that, making everybody believe that nothing was wrong while they were drowning in self-deprecation. In Koushiro's case, he would have never known that Jyou cared for him or how much they had in common; they would have never tried to be friends. Mimi and Koushiro would still be classmates who only shared 'good-morning' and 'have a nice day.' Takeru and he would have probably never talked to each other at all.

Koushiro and Tentomon would never have met each other.

It was strange. Monzaemon, Homeostasis, Devimon, Fate, the dark orb… there had been so many terrible experiences for him and the other kids since they had arrived in that place. Yet, the possibility of erasing those experiences did not bring him any joy.

"I wouldn't do it." Koushiro replied, opening his eyes.

"Koushiro-han…" Tentomon whispered.

"Liar!" Otae accused the boy.

"I'm not lying!" Koushiro stated. "I don't like many things that happened to me and the others. But those bad experiences don't take away from the good ones we had!"

"What good experiences?!" The woman shouted. "Being forced to fight for this horrible world?! Losing the ones you love?!"

"The world isn't horrible!" Koushiro protested. "We're flying in a ship that is a miracle of Engineering! There are multicolored fireflies giving us light! There are giant fulgurites that defy everything that I've ever learned about them! This world has monsters that can become completely different life forms in a matter of seconds! It has dimensions inside dimensions, worm-holes, computer codes that can mold reality itself! There are so many incredible things to see! And instead of exploring them, you chose to chase after ghosts. You chose to delude yourself."

"I don't care about this world." Otae stated. "What's the point of exploring the world if Shinsuke is gone? What joy could I take from it when my friends had their lives destroyed? All I care about… all I've ever cared about were four people!"

"You still have three of them!" Koushiro pointed out. "You can still see them! Talk to them!"

"I can't!" Otae stepped back. "I can't face them after everything… after all this time! I can't! I know that-"

"You know nothing!" Koushiro cut her off. "That's just your fear talking! If you let your fear control you, if you let your fear distort the world for you, you won't ever get to know anything!"

The ship started to shake violently. Tentomon noticed a purple glow coming from his partner's digivice.

"Stop it!" Otae pleaded as she watched all the white boards from the walls falling. "You're activating the crest! If that thing returns to its normal size, the ship will be destroyed! My research will be lost! Everything I've worked so hard for more than five thousand years will be gone!"

"Let it go, then." Koushiro said, offering his right hand to the woman. "Break free from the lies you've been telling yourself for so long."

Tentomon felt his body being filled with energy.

"Tentomon evolves to… KABUTERIMON!"

The wasp monster flew above the pair of humans and lowered one of his hands between them, in a way that both Koushiro and Otae could climb it. Koushiro jumped on to the hand. The woman turned her back to them and ran to the board in which Shinsuke's goggles were hanging. Before she could get there, she felt the books and papers under her feet descend abruptly.

A small rock came from below the sea of information and was absorbed by Koushiro's digivice.

Otae was being dragged by the whirlpool of papers, books and boards. She lost sight of her brother's goggles. She was torn between locating them and trying to save any of the documents that should be dispersing through the hole below and taken away by the wind.

"Otae-san!" Koushiro called her. "Please, come with us!"

"I'm not going to abandon him!" She promised. The woman, however, had stopped trying to resist the whirlpool. She was allowing herself to sink, slowly. Her arms were still free but she refused to move any of them. She would not grab the shaking hand that boy was offering her.

"You brother isn't here! He hasn't been here for ages and he's not coming back!" Koushiro shouted. "You can still save yourself!"

Save herself? Had she not told him that she could recover from any injury? She would not die when falling from the ship and being dragged by the wind, even if she hit pieces of metal or was thrown against hard glass. She would not die if she was buried under the sand and stayed there indefinitely. She would not die if her limbs were torn apart or if her throat was cut. Her body would just keep fixing itself forever. Otae had all of eternity to live and she did not have any choice but to be forced on that path. She was condemned to live and never see her brother again.

If it really was impossible to save Shinsuke, if it really was impossible to save her friends, there was only suffering reserved for her future. An endless cycle of pain she would never be able to break from.

A giant hand grabbed her and put her next to Koushiro, on another of the wasp's hands. Otae tried to go back to the whirlpool. But Koushiro grabbed her by the right arm before she could escape. Why would he not let her body be torn apart? Why not let her be broken down, even if she was going to be forcefully put together again? What cruel person would deny her the opportunity to partake on that fleeting physical pain and be distracted from the truly horrendous one that devoured her soul?

"Please, Otae-san!" The boy begged, letting a couple of tears fall from his eyes.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" The woman screamed, trying to break free.

"You did all you could! You've done more than enough for him!" Koushiro told her.

"BUT I SHOULD'VE DONE MORE!" Otae cried out, stopping resisting. She looked down as big tears fell from her eyes. "I SHOULD'VE TAKEN BETTER CARE OF HIM! I SHOULD'VE STOPPED THAT FROM HAPPENING!"

"You couldn't have known!" Koushiro told her.

"I SHOULD'VE KNOWN!" She roared. "I s-should've… I s-should have known… I should h-have anticipated… I was supposed to be intelligent! I was supposed to solve any problem! But if I can't… If I can't do anything… if I can't help anyone, THEN WHAT IS THE POINT OF ME?!"

Koushiro gulped. What he was witnessing felt so familiar to him. He could recognize himself in the woman's anguished cries. Differently from other times he had seen people being overemotional, in that moment Koushiro could relate to the person going through that. And because he could see himself in someone else, truths that should have been obvious became clear in his mind.

"Maybe people don't have 'points.'" Koushiro said. "Maybe all we can do is try our best and move on when we fail."

Otae looked up to him with her flooded eyes.

"If that's how it is, what do we do with this pain, then?" She asked, placing her right hand over her chest.

The walls of the ship began to break apart. There was no longer any book in sight underneath. Below them, there was only sky. The ceiling began to fall in their direction.

For Koushiro, time seemed to have slowed down as he thought on an answer for Otae's question. It struck him as lightning:

"We learn from it."

As those words left Koushiro's lips, his digivice shone more brightly and purple light overtook his partner.

"Kabuterimon super evolves to… ATLURKABUTERIMON!"

The magnificent giant beetle smashed the decaying ceiling with its colossal horn and flew above the clouds, holding the two humans with all his care. The sight of the starry sky was breathtaking.

"It's beautiful." Atlurkabuterimon said, gazing at the stars.

Otae admired them in silence, feeling as if all energy had left her body. She did not remember the last time she had looked at a sky like that.

"Starlight…" Koushiro said with a smile on his lips. "I just remembered something very random."

"Facts about stars?" The digimon asked, interested.

"No." Koushiro spoke with nostalgia. "When I was three or four years old, my Mom took me to a birthday. There was a Magician there, wearing a top hat and shooting glitter from her wand. She called it starlight."

"That's quite the underwhelming story." Otae remarked.

"I had believed her back then." Koushiro said. "I even asked her to teach me how to create magic. But she said that was impossible."

"Because magic doesn't exist." The woman noted.

"No." Koushiro denied in a soft voice. "She said that magic was something that we could find anywhere, even inside of us, if we paid attention."

"Was that a Magician or a Philosopher?" Otae joked, but did not laugh.

A group of tiny fireflies that emitted white light came from below them and surrounded the woman. The pleasant warm feeling reminded her of a hug. When had been the last time she had received one of those?

"We're going back to Homura-san's base." Koushiro said, pulling the silver disc from the brown bag.

"You're going after Sora-han into the orb, right?" Atlurkabuterimon asked.

"If things get dangerous, I'm going to get out, don't worry." Koushiro promised. Then, he looked at the woman surrounded by particles of white light. They were different from the insects he had seen earlier. Were those insects at all?

"Will you come with us, Otae-san?"

The woman was busy trying to grab one of the fireflies; they seemed to be intangible. Her eyes shone but she did not cry.

She turned to the boy. He saw in her eyes a mix of melancholy and resignation. Otae smiled softly, in a way he had not seen before, and told him:

"It's time to be brave."

Notes:

A little bit of information: Sora means Sky in Japanese, which is why Otae was confused by her name. By the way, Koushiro means child of light. This chapter was something I've wanted to write since before I began this story. The bearer of knowledge is very special for me; I hope I could properly convey my love for his character.