Chapter Five

John laid in his bed unable to sleep, his mind was going a mile a minute, he hated that his brother had made him feel guilty about what he was feeling, i mean its not everyday that you meet someone who affects you so much and that is exactlly how he felt with natalie.

From the first time he had laid eyes on her, he had felt a pull and it was unlike any pull he had ever felt, he had seen something in her and it wasnt just her beauty that stunned him cause that definitely had an affect on him but it was something else, something more and at first he wanted to hate her, how could someone affect him so much that he could barely think straight.

And it only seem to get worse as the hours and days went by, he had never ever felt this way in his life with anyone, and he had had his fair share of women over the years but they had just become a comfort to him, something to pass the time and to fill his own desires but Natalie, no she made him want more, there was something about her that made him want to be a better man for her...

He had spent the last five years or so just fucking around, whether it was with random women or just with life in general, he never settled with anything for too long and part of it was his fear of commitment and that came from watching his mother die at a young age and then watching his father mourn her for years, because if you love someone they die, eventually they do and he never wanted to feel the pain that his father had felt, it had killed him over and over again, no one should ever have to hear the pained cries of their father as they mourned the one they loved and so John had built a wall around his heart and no one ever got through it, not anyone but her, why her? He had no idea why but now that he got a taste of what life could be like he just couldnt pass it up, he had to have her, one way or another.

She was like a drug to him, his body was on fire with the need for her touch and he knew it was mutual, he could see it in her beautiful blue eyes even if she didnt want to admit it to herself, hell it was like a magnetic force drawing them together, it was an unbelievable feeling..

He finally got up after hours of tossing and turning and he walked out of his room, stopping in front of her door for a moment before walking past it and heading outside to tend to the horses, atleast he could find serenity there..

John stared at the horse as his mind began to drift to the pasture, the way she felt beneath him, the sounds that poured out of her mouth, their bodies were meant for each other and yet she wasnt even his for the taking, he brushed the mane of Lady as he remembered natalie's smell and taste, it would forever be burned into his soul, the sound of footsteps behind him snapped him from his thoughts as he turned, almost in hopes of seeing her standing there but instead he came face to face with a brown eyed stranger with a short blonde pixie hair cut..

"can i help you" he said with confusion as he looked at this girl who he had never laid eyes on before..

She moved in closer to him as he stood there.."is your name John?" she asked with her hands on her hips..

He immediately felt his body tense at her demeanor, who the hell was this chick.."Yeah whats it to you" he said back to her with equal hostility..

"this" she said as her tiny fist surprisingly came up and clocked him right under his jaw as he stumbled back in shock..

"what the fuck lady!' he yelled in anger as the horses began to get aggitated..

"thats for my friend natalie, stay the hell away from her" she snapped as she rubbed her now aching hand..

"are you out of your fucking mind, who the hell are you" he yelled as he came at her and she pulled out a bottle of mace and held it up..

"One step closer and you will wish you never met me" she snapped as he looked at her stunned, seriously this chick was out of her damn mind!

Natalie tossed and turned as her nightmare took over, John and Michael were both there but in the end she had neither of them, she was alone, all alone and sitting in a dark room as she could hear their voices yet she couldnt see them.. The sound of a voice began to stir her..

"nat...come on, rise and shine" the voice said as she tossed onto her side and groaned.."Im serious nat, get up" the voice said louder and then the blankets got pulled from her as she sat up straight and went to yell but then she saw those brown eyes, ones attatched to her very best friend Gigi..

"Gigi?" she said in shock as she looked at her friend..

"In the flesh" Gigi smile large.."now get up, i just spent four hours in the car to get here" Gigi shook her head..

"Gigi what are you doing here" Natalie began as she wiped her eyes..

"Listen i told you i was going to come and rescue you from yourself and so here i am, so get up, i seriously need a cup of coffee" Gigi said as she sat on the bed..

As much as natalie was scared to death to have Gigi sitting there in her room, well she couldnt help but be relieved, Gigi was here and some how that made her feel better and so she leaned over and hugged her, catching her by surprise as gigi hugged her back..

"God i missed you" Natalie said honestly..

"i missed you too girl" Gigi said as they hugged for a long moment..Gigi pulled back and looked at natalie.."I hate to say this nat but you look like shit"

Natalie pushed her hair back as she sat there.."Thanks" she said as she shook her head..

"come on me and you need to have some serious girl time" Gigi said as she stood now..

"who let you in, did you see Michael" Natalie felt her stomach twist again as Gigi walked over to the window and rubbed her aching hand..

"Nope, i guess he is still sleeping but i met his dad" she began as images ran through her head..

"You know what i dont care who the hell you are lady, your lucky if i dont call the cops on you" John snapped at her..

"go right ahead and while your at it why dont we let your brother know what a piece of shit you are, is that what you want!" Gigi yelled as John backed up some and looked at her..

"what the hell do you want" he said as he looked at her..

"I want you to stay the hell away from my friend or you'll have to deal with me and trust me you dont want to deal with this" Gigi said as she stood in front of him..

"you met his dad,...did you...did you see" Natalie began as Gigi was snapped from her thoughts..

"see him? No nat i didnt" she lied as she walked back over to the bed and looked at her friend..

"whats wrong with your hand" natalie asked as she looked at Gigi's red knuckles..

"Oh you know me Nat, bar fight last night but you should see the other guy" she laughed a little.."now get up and get dressed, me and you are heading out"

"Listen i dont care who you say you are, i dont,... natalie wouldnt be too pleased to know that" he began as Gigi walked right up to him..

"Dont say her name, ok... you dont know her, you dont know a damn thing about her" she snapped.

"yeah well i know she has a psycho for a friend" he said as he rubbed his jaw.."now get out of my way or i will take you down" he pushed past her..

"Do you even care about her at all" Gigi yelled as he stopped at the barn door.."she was happy ok, she was in love and then you come along and try to destroy that, you selfish son of a" she began as he ran up to her and got right in her face..

"dont you try and say what you think you know about me, you dont know jack shit lady and maybe just maybe you dont know your friend as well as you think" he snapped at her, he was literally seeing red.

"Oh i know her well, i know that michael would do anything for her, give her anything, what do you have to offer, Huh, nothing but heart ache, oh trust me i know about you John mcBain, you have a wrap sheet so long that we could fill this god damn barn with it" she yelled at him..

"You know what get the fuck out of my face" he spun from her..

"Your a twenty four year old high school drop out who has absolutely nothing going for you and what, now you want to drag my friend down with you all to spite your brother cause he has the life you were too chicken shit and too lazy to get for yourself!" she snapped as he ran up to her..

"fuck you, just cause you read some damn papers doesnt mean you know shit about me" he yelled at her..

"i know that your about to ruin the best thing that happened to her and for what, for a fuck.. come on, get over yourself, it wouldnt even last between you two cause eventually she would want a life, like a real life not living with some guy who doesnt even have a job or even his own damn place" she said bitterly..

"You have no idea what you are saying" he said through gritted teeth..

"im stating the truth or are you just to stupid to see that" she snapped.."maybe for once in your life you could do the right thing and spare her some agony, she deserves to be happy" she walked past him as he stood there completely pissed off and then he picked up a near by bucket and threw it hard against the barn wall as the horses began to go crazy.

Gigi, Natalie and Michael all sat at the kitchen table with Joseph as they sipped coffee..

"i am so happy that you came Gi" Michael said with a smile.."isnt this great nat"

"Sure, its great" she forced a smile..

"well im hoping you dont mind if i take Nat out for a girls day" Gigi said with a smile..

"I think that sounds like a wonderful idea" Joseph interjected.."You know were going to have a big barbeque tonight, maybe you two could swing by the store" he smiled..

"consider it done " Gigi smiled..

"Please call me Joseph, Mr makes me feel so old" he said with a smile..

"well i think that sounds wonderful, im really looking forward to tonight" Michael said as he grabbed Natalies hand and kissed it and she swallowed hard.."By the way dad have you seen John" Michael began..."You havent met my brother yet" he said to Gigi..

"Oh im sure there will be time later but right now me and Nat have some plans" Gigi grinned as she stood and so did Natalie, for the first time in a long time Natalie couldnt wait to get out of there and just have some time with her friend so she could clear her head and think straight..

"alright but you keep her safe" Michael smiled..

"i always do" Gigi looked at natalie...

"well i guess were gonna head out" natalie said as she looked at Gigi then Michael..

"You two have fun, i'll miss you" Michael said as he leaned in and kissed her head..

"Miss you too" natalie said with a nervous smile and then they left..

Meanwhile across town John stood at a door after he had knocked, after a minute the door opened to vange standing there as she wiped her face.."John? Its early what are you doing here" she said as he pushed his way inside and pushed her against the wall as he kissed her devestatingly hard and he kicked the door shut with his foot..

Natalie and Gigi sat next to each other on a park bench inside Lanview park, they each had a hot dog in their hand and a soda as well but Gigi was the only one eating as natalie stared at her food..

"seriously you need to eat" Gigi said as she continued to eat her hotdog..

"Im just not hungry Gi" Natalie said honestly as she passed her hotdog off to Gigi who grabbed it..

"you know this whole self pity thing is not attractive nat" Gigi said as she began to eat natalies hot dog..

"yeah well its not like i am trying to do it, god i just feel like such crap" Natalie said honestly..

"and we have established that ok, so lets move on, michael looked happy" Gigi said as she ate..

"why wouldnt he be" Natalie shrugged her shoulders and Gigi huffed..

"listen so you fucked this guy ok, you got it out of your system, no harm no foul" Gigi sighed..

"but it wasnt like that you know, i mean he is just" Natalie began as Gigi looked at her..

"No... you are not going there nat, it was a one night stand, plain and simple, you have a life planned out with Michael, he is good for you" Gigi said as natalie looked at her hands..

"but what if i am making a mistake with him, what if" she began as Gigi touched her hand..

"there are no what ifs Natalie, you were just telling me last week that you felt like you were falling in love with him and that just doesnt change over night, it doesnt" Gigi said with a sigh..

"Im not saying i dont care about him, im just saying" Natalie began as Gigi moved closer to her..

"look at me Natalie, your not thinking straight ok, you held off on sex too long, thats all, soo tonight you rectify that and put this all behind you ok" Gigi said with a serious tone..

"rectify it, like have sex with Michael" natalie said in shock...

"uh yeah, he is your boyfriend and thats what couples do, to hell with this waiting crap, just do it, you'll feel much better for it" Gigi leaned back some..

"you know this isnt just about sex" Natalie began..

"oh really? Ok then tell me what it is about, cause i mean seriously you dont even know anything else about this other guy, oh wait thats right he is twenty four years old, still lives with his dad and he has no future ahead of him except playing with damn horses" Gigi said sarcastically..

"You wouldnt understand Gi, there is more to him than that" Natalie stood now and so did Gigi..

"Hun, look at me, there isnt anything more, he was a good lay, were all entitled to one of them but seriously you cant throw away what you have with Michael for a romp in the hay, i mean seriously you have your whole life ahead of you, you have a future or are you willing to throw all of that away to live on some damn farm in the middle of no where, not to mention your father would dis own you and then you would be just another statistic in the world" Gigi said with a sigh..

"Im think your being a little dramatic Gi, just because he doesnt have a career now doesnt mean" she began..

"Oh hell yea it does, i mean come on Nat you said yourself that him and his brother dont get along well, this is just his way to spite his brother and fuck his life up but your the one who will be hurt in the end" Gigi said as she took natalies hands in hers.."the guy has a wrap sheet a mile long, he wont ever get anywhere in this world Nat, he wont and he will just drag you down along with him"

John tossed Vange on the bed as he tore at her clothes, she was just as shocked as him at his behaviour but images of natalie kept flashing before him as each article of clothing came off of Vange, all he wanted was to feel numb and this is the only way he knew how, but even as she moaned and coaxed him on his mind just couldnt get there, to the place he wanted to be and soon he was moving off of her as he sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands..

"what are you doing, why are you stopping" she said breathless as she got up on her knees and touched his naked back as he jumped some.."jesus John what the fuck, you come all the way over her and bardge in here just to stop" she said in shock as he stood now and looked for his clothes..

"I gotta get out of here" he said as he grabbed hsi jeans and put them on..

"You know what, get the fuck out of here" she yelled at him as she got out of the bed and began throwing his clothes at him.."just go, i dont know what the fuck has gotten into you" she yelled as he grabbed his shoes and shirt and exited her house but it was just in time for Natalie and Gigi to drive by and see him as natalie's eyes got wide..

"oh my god, thats him, thats him Gi" natalie said in shock..

"wow, you see that nat, see, i told you so" Gigi said with a shake of her head as Natalie watched him get to his truck, half naked as vange stood at the door with a sheet around her, apparently naked as well.."he doesnt give a shit about you, your just a way to get back at his brother"

Natalie sulked back in her seat as Gigi kept driving, she felt horrible, how could she of not seen this, she had almost thrown everything away with michael and for what, for nothing!

After a few beers and sulking of his own John found himself driving back to the house, he still had no idea what he was gonna do but he did know that he didnt want to let her slip away, he would do whatever he had, moments like these were rare and he didnt want to lose the opportunity.

As he pulled up to the house he immediately saw all the cars and he could hear the music playing in the background, he got out and walked around the house to see what the heck was going on..

Natalie drank back her third beer as the barbeque went on, its amazing how much a little alcohol can help a situation not to mention seeing John half dressed coming from that chicks place also helped her to see things clearly.

It seemed as though half of the town was there and natalie was oddly aware that John wasnt among them and hell she was just fine with that, she didnt want to see him anyways..

Michael began to clink loud onto his glass as everyone looked at him.."I just want to thank everyone for coming by and joining us" he began as he walked over to Natalie.."but that wasnt the only reason i wanted everyone to get together" he smiled and then put his glass down as natalies eyes got wide as she looked at him and then he dropped down on one knee as she gasped and her heart began to race.."Natalie for the last six months i have done nothing but fall more and more in love with you" he began as she began to shake some, she couldnt believe he was doing this right now, was he really doing this?

"Michael" she said with a shaky voice as he took her hand into his and looked up at her..

"Please do me the honor of making me the happiest man on earth by saying yes, will you natalie buchanan marry me?" he said as he opened a black box that held a very expensive diamond ring in it..She looked at it and then looked at him as everyone around them got quiet. She darted her eyes to the numerous people staring at them as she stood there and then her eyes landed on him, on John as he walked into the back yard, a look of shock in his eyes and she quickly looked back at Michael..

"yes... yes i will marry you" she said just above a whisper as Michael stood up quick and pulled her against him as he kissed her passionately and then he pulled back and looked at everyone..

"she said YES!" he said as cheers erupted and John stood there for another moment and then left unnoticed..

Natalie looked around as everyone cheered, he was gone and as much as she wanted to be relieved she couldnt help but feel like maybe she was making the worst mistake of her life..

Back to present time..

Natalie made her way to her bedroom after sharing some cookies with Bella and the nanny, she went to her closet and pulled a box that was hidden on the top shelf, she placed it on the bed and opened it. It was filled with letters, so many letters, she picked one up at random and read it as tears began to freely fall down her cheeks..

"mommy, why are you crying" Bella said as Natalie quickly put the letter back in the box and wiped her face as she looked at her daughter..

"Oh sweetheart im not crying, i just... i had something in my eye" she lied as she sucked back tears..

"it looked like you were crying, what are those ?" she asked as she pointed to the box and Natalie quickly closed the box and got up, placing it back in the closet..

"those are nothing" she said as she turned and looked back at her daughter..

"is daddy gonna be home soon, he promised we could go get ice cream" Bella said as natalie walked over to her..

"Yeah, Lets go wait for him downstairs ok" Natalie said as she touched her sweet daughters face..

"Ok" Bella smiled as she got to the door.."Mommy you coming?" she said as Natalie stood in the room..

"yeah, just give me a minute" she said as she turned from her daughter and as soon as she heard Bella skip down the hall she began to cry..

John made his way to the small bar and sat down as the older bartender came up.."well i'll be damned, is that you , John mcbain?" the man said as he looked at John with shock..

"hey Mac, hows things" John said with a forced smile..

"things are good John, how about you, last time i heard you had gone into the Marines, that was years ago" Mac shook his head in disbelief..

"yeah it was, a very long time ago" John said as he stared down at the bar.."You think i can get a double"

"anything you want John, anything you want" Mac smiled as he began to pour John a drink..its a funny thing about 'wants' cause sometimes you only get what you need and that could be very different from the thing that you really want...

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew that you were there for me
Time after time you there for me

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand, I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd want to hear you say, I remember you

We spent the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said I'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand, I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd want to hear you say, I remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand, I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd want to hear you say, I remember you