After closing the portal behind her, Otae pulled the object she had found inside Kanda's tracking bracelet from her left pocket. She threw the plastic ring in his direction. The man grabbed it in midair, looked at it and then put the ring in his own pocket.
"I hope I don't have to return this again." Otae murmured, looking down.
"Otae-san…" Homura approached her slowly, looking at Otae's dirty clothes with tear brimmed eyes. "What happened to you?"
"I've always had a shitty fashion sense, come on!" Otae tried to joke but soon realized that was not the right time for that. Homura was now a step away from her and a couple of tears dropped from her eyes.
"I s-shouldn't have…" Homura sobbed. "I w-was awful! I was s-so a-awful to you! The things I t-told you…"
"It's okay!" Otae hurried to say, holding the other's hands. "I left you guys! I ran away!"
"I'm sorry!" Homura cried. "I'm so sorry!"
"Please, don't cry, Homura-chii!" Otae pleaded. "I can't bear to see you cry!"
The older woman looked at the other with surprise.
"You… had stopped calling me 'chii.'" She murmured.
Otae's eyes widened.
"Yeah… if you don't want to-"
"I always liked when you called me 'chii,' Otae-san." Homura interrupted, wiping her tears with the backs of her hands. "I think we all liked that."
"I'm going to take Nanomon to the main base." Kanda muttered, heading to the exit.
"Hold on, Kanda-kun!" Homura shouted, turning to the man. "Aren't you going to say anything to Otae-san?"
"I just wanted to see if she was alright and she seems to be." He said without turning around.
"Kanda, wait." Otae called him. "There are things that we have to talk about."
"You don't have to force yourself-" Kanda began.
"I want to talk to you!" Otae reiterated.
"But I'm busy now! I need to go to the main base and-" Kanda opposed.
"Then, I'm going with you!" Otae stated.
That assertion made Kanda turn around, astonished.
"You… want to go to that place again?" He asked in a whisper.
"Not even I have returned there ever since…" Homura mumbled.
"I can't keep running." Otae said.
"I'm not going to stop you." Kanda muttered, walking away again. "I'll wait for you in the travel base."
After he left them alone, Otae kept staring at the sliding door.
"The two of you…" Homura hesitated.
"You shouldn't worry about us." Otae told her with a little smile. "I want to ask you something."
"Yes." Homura agreed.
"I haven't said what it is yet." Otae said back.
"I have an idea of what it is." Homura sighed. "I've been thinking about it since this morning."
"Yeah, but let me tell you anyway." The other insisted.
Otae's wish was indeed the same as Homura's.
Chapter 22: For friendship, perhaps
There once was an angel digimon who boasted about being the savior chosen by Fate. He vowed to bring peace to a world filled with meaningless wars. Few took him seriously at the beginning. But, steadily, he gained allies and formed a powerful army. After conquering a considerable territory, he crowned himself Emperor. One of his most devoted followers, Nanomon, came up with the name the Emperor wanted to be remembered for: Seraphimon, the Magnificent.
The name for which he was actually remembered for, Bloody Lord, was said to have been created by an enemy warrior, who was so celebrated by the Resistance against Seraphimon that a song was written in her honor: the Ballad of the Strongest Fairy. The heroine was defeated by Seraphimon, like all others before and after her. But her example helped to inspire uncountable new digimon to oppose the Empire.
A major contingent of Seraphimon's opposition hid in the Cloud Continent, a place secluded in mist at the south of the Server Continent. It was nearly impossible for an invading army to defeat digimon who knew how to move in that place. No matter how hard Seraphimon tried, he could never take that Continent. No matter how many he defeated in battle, new rebels would appear.
That situation had remained stagnant for a few centuries. Many said that he would never be able to truly conquer the world. But Nanomon promised his master to give him a means to strike a deadly blow at the Resistance.
His promise was fulfilled in one fateful night.
A flash crossed the sky, coming from Seraphimon's main Headquarters. That beam of white light was so strong that those who looked at it directly became blind. The massive amount of energy fell upon the Cloud Continent less than one minute after being fired.
In the blink of an eye, that land was erased from existence.
Above the boiling ocean, the corrupted data of almost one billion digimon that were on the Cloud Continent was condensed in a hovering giant black sphere, which caused space to distort around it.
Across the world, digimon with telepathic powers would claim to be able to hear the cries of the trapped souls, who were unable to be reborn.
The weapon used that night was called "Reaper."
Even Seraphimon's most trusted generals, Jokermon, Megaseadramon and Megadramon, were horrified by the Reaper. They had noticed that their Emperor was becoming more paranoid and ruthless with the passing of the years, but they had never anticipated such a demonstration of cruelty. The generals planned a secret trip to File Island, where a digimon said to be as powerful as Seraphimon lived as a recluse. They were received by Angewomon and Pumpmon, who would not let them see their mistress. However, the Lady of Infinity Mountain left her chamber to talk to them.
She already knew what had happened and what she had to do. With sorrow and conviction, she went to see her brother.
Seraphimon had believed that the Reaper would seal his victory. Instead, the use of that weapon brought him death by the hands of his sister.
The Lady of Infinity Mountain was proclaimed a heroine and pressured to become the new Empress. She resisted and tried to decline the offer, but Angewomon convinced her that the world would not be at peace if the strongest digimon alive did not become its ruler.
The woman refused to be an Empress, but she was still called "Queen." She vowed to undo the harm her brother had brought to the world and created a society with the goal of rescuing the victims of the Reaper and enable them to be reborn. That society was mainly composed of researchers and priests dedicated to the salvation of those souls. The priests were mostly digimon with telepathic powers, whose prayers would be able to reach the victims and diminish their misery. For that reason, the society came to be known as the Sanctuary.
The three generals and the majority of Seraphimon's army vowed loyalty to the Queen. She redacted new laws and worked to guarantee a fairer treatment to digimon who had been subjugated during Seraphimon's rule and to promote autonomy to the towns and equality to the population.
However, those who had been loyal to Seraphimon did not approve the Sanctuary's policies. They financed an independent research institution called the Academy, which assembled former retainers of Seraphimon, including Nanomon. The Sanctuary's Council, composed by Angewomon, Pumpmon and the three former generals, urged the Queen to crush the Academy before it could become a threat.
The Queen, however, chose to give the Academy the benefit of the doubt, believing that the times of animosity were past them and they all should focus on fixing the world. A loyal follower of the Queen, who had become one of the best researchers in the Sanctuary, led a secret investigation on the Academy's files and a certain "Homeostasis project" alarmed him to the point of ordering a subordinate to attack an installment on File Island. The installment vanished from that dimension. The Academy swore that justice would fall upon the Sanctuary.
To the Council's concern, the Queen still refused to take measurements against the Academy, this time explaining that the institution had been cowardly attacked by her subordinate and that she would do everything to ensure a peaceful resolution for the situation.
The Academy did not make any move for months. Things seemed to be well, until a fateful day, when a city in the west was conquered and occupied by agents of the Academy. The news flew around the world. By the time it reached File Island, Angewomon stepped into the Queen's private chamber.
The leader of the Sanctuary was appalled and questioned:
"The Academy… has an army?"
"The perpetrators were five digimon who could evolve with the help of five humans." Angewomon explained.
"Humans?!" The Queen nearly shouted in shock.
Angewomon nodded, before adding:
"They call themselves 'chosen children.'"
Kanda had been in the children's institution since he was a newborn baby. He had been left there in a winter night, still covered in blood. Nobody ever came to look for him. But to think about the people who abandoned him was frightening. To think that the family he had did not love him was upsetting. So, Kanda tried not to think about those things at all.
Instead, he decided that he would be a happy person. He liked people and wanted people to like him. He would always smile and be nice to the other children, which made them be fond of him. He became known for being serene and kind, always willing to help anyone who asked. A part of him felt guilty when he heard those compliments. He knew he was far from being someone who did good things with no self-interest. But Kanda enjoyed the attention he received. The smiles and the sweet words people gave him were filled with warmth and he came to believe that that happiness came from being good to people, not just for being liked by them. It was a thought that gave him some peace. However, there was still a hollow in his heart.
When he was seven years old, a girl one year older than him came to the orphanage. She had long black hair and a serious attitude. Homura did not measure her words, stating whatever crossed her mind anytime. She did not seem to care whether she was liked or not, which was incomprehensible to the boy. He assumed that he too was incomprehensible to her. Whenever he tried to initiate polite conversation, the stare the girl gave him felt as if her eyes could pierce into his soul. She made him uncomfortable and was not well appreciated by the other children. It would be easy for Kanda to ignore her and be satisfied with the acquaintances he already had. But he did not like to see Homura all alone.
By observing her, he learned a lot. Homura could not seem easygoing, but the girl knew how to enjoy herself. She liked period dramas about samurais and was not willing to miss even one episode. Whenever some of the other kids tried to switch the channel, the girl would become ferocious. Miss Tanaka, the adult responsible for the institution, reprehended Homura time and time again, but the girl never gave in. Her stubbornness was so great that people usually found it less bothersome to simply let her do as she pleased. It was not as if she had many wishes, anyway. Homura was happy as long as she could watch the samurais and then pretend to be one. Even if no one else was willing to play with her.
"May I play?" Kanda asked one day.
The girl, who liked to wear frilly blouses and skirts, was swinging a broom in a corner of the living room. She studied him for a minute, before agreeing. Kanda learned that Homura had various rules regarding playing and that, if he did not follow them, she would not let him play with her again. The boy followed them all perfectly, leaving the girl torn between slight annoyance and delight. He began to watch the period dramas with her and they played every day. With time, Homura loosened up around him. She told him about her parents and her beliefs, but never asked for his advice or help. Kanda thought that Homura was extremely independent and self-assured, someone who did not need him for anything. That understanding made the boy smile. For the first time, he was sure to be with someone who simply enjoyed his company, and not for what he could do for them.
One year later, a boy two years older than Kanda came to the institution. He had been left there by his father, who said that he would return one day. Tamaki was very timid at first and, from his clothes and the way he behaved and talked, it was evident that his family had money. He was not the type to keep secrets; therefore, he would tell the same story as many times as he was asked about his upbringing, without hesitating. He said that his family owned a company, but it went bankrupt and they lost everything. His parents told him to wait in the institution until they solved their financial situation. But Tamaki did not have an explanation for the lack of news from his parents. The adults never called, never wrote to him, never sent him anything. It did not take long for the other kids to say that his parents had ditched him and would never come back.
"Silly silly Tamaki, not even his family likes him!" A group of boys chanted one day, during breakfast. "His parents couldn't wait to get rid of him!"
Homura glanced at Miss Tanaka, who did not do anything about the mean-spirited song. Kanda pondered about why they were picking at Tamaki. Most of the children in that place had been abandoned, what was different about him? His family was rich, they think that the son of a wealthy family would only be abandoned if the family didn't care for him, Kanda theorized.
"That's not true…" Tamaki whimpered, which made a wave of laughter irrupt from the table.
"What was that? Did you say something?" A twelve years old boy called Uri stood up and walked to where Tamaki was sitting; the ten years old blond kid was rubbing his eyes.
"P-please, stop saying those things." Tamaki pleaded, as new tears formed in his eyes.
Uri chuckled loudly and said:
"I'll stop when you start acting like a man!"
Homura punched the table, standing up. She was across from the two boys, by Kanda's left.
"Leave Tamaki-san alone, he did nothing wrong!" She ordered. The cold fury that emerged from her was enough to make the other children, who had been cheering for Uri, become quiet. The twelve year old boy, however, was not intimidated by the girl.
"That's some big talk for some tiny girl wearing a pink dress." He mocked.
"My size and my good taste in clothes won't stop me from beating you to a pulp." She replied, without breaking eye contact for a second.
"This is enough, Homura!" Miss Tanaka said, rising from her seat. The middle-aged woman, who kept her brown hair firmly tied in a bun, looked at the girl with severity. "You need to learn how to behave!"
"Why are you telling me that and not Uri?" Homura inquired, angrily.
"That's just how boys are." Tanaka said. "Tamaki-kun needs to stand up for himself if he doesn't want to be treated like that."
Homura began an intense argument with the woman, while Tamaki sneaked away. Kanda followed him until the boys' bedroom, where the blond child had curled up on his bed.
"Hey." Kanda greeted, sitting in front of the bed, cross-legged. "Don't let what Uri-san said affect you. He has some anger issues."
"I-I know that I'm pathetic…" Tamaki cried, hiding his face on the pillow. "A cry-baby who never got in a fight his whole damn life…"
"What's so wrong with not getting into fights?" Kanda asked. "Homura-san gets in fights all the time and I'm the one who has to tend to her bruises. It's not fun at all."
Tamaki moved his face to look at Kanda. The younger boy was showing him a warm smile.
"I shouldn't be lectured by a kid smaller than me… nor should I be defended by a little girl."
"If you talk like that in front of Homura-san, she's going to get mad." Kanda smirked. "She can be seriously scary sometimes, but she has her heart in the right place and I admire that."
Homura suddenly entered the room and slammed the door behind her.
"She told me to go to the girls' bedroom and think about what I did wrong! Can you believe her?!" The girl exclaimed.
"Shouldn't you be there, then?" Kanda asked.
"I did nothing wrong! Therefore, I don't have to obey that unjust order!" She replied.
"Why must you be such a trouble-maker, Homura-san?" Kanda sighed. Truthfully, he liked how courageous the girl was.
From that day on, Tamaki began to tag along with the two of them. As he felt more at ease, the older boy showed more of himself. He had a good sense of humor and liked to tease his friends, but never had any malice. If he felt he had made someone sad, Tamaki apologized for the entirety of the day. Kanda admired the older boy's earnestness and cheer. Homura also seemed to appreciate the blonde's company. Tamaki still was not good at standing up for himself, but the other kids had acknowledged that he had become Homura's friend and it was not a good idea to be mean to him anymore.
Four years later, a couple of siblings were brought to the institution. They had been found on the streets and refused to talk about their home or family. The boy, who was eleven years old, was the most talkative of the two. He had a charismatic vibe and meshed well with the majority of the kids in that place. The girl, who was Kanda's age, remained silent most of the time. Her very short hair and large clothes led him to think, at first, that she was a boy.
Otae had an inquisitive nature, finding enjoyment in fixing old broken objects like clocks, toys, and a radio. Not that she was very expressive, but those who paid attention could notice a glow in her blue eyes whenever she dismantled something, comprehended it and put it together again. For Kanda, the girl's love for learning was obvious. He thought that her intelligence could achieve anything. She was not especially beautiful or graceful. However, when Otae worked, the world seemed to become silent, as if it stopped moving to contemplate art being created. But the girl acted as if she did not notice that she crafted wonders.
When the television broke, Homura did not have to ask twice for Otae to rapidly disassemble the object, find the problem, fix it and put the TV together again, better than it was before. The samurais were better discerned and their honorable path seemed to have become brighter in Homura's eyes. The older girl was so enthusiastic for the achievement that she showed Otae the brightest smile she had ever mustered, while thanking her profusely. The younger girl stared at her with wide eyes the same way she looked at things that she had opened to study.
"Is there something wrong?" Homura asked, seriously.
"No." Otae answered.
"Of course, there is! Why else would you stare at me like that?" Homura spoke with annoyance.
"It's not a problem; it's just something that I hadn't realized before." Otae replied, calmly.
"What is it, huh?" Homura insisted.
Tamaki and Kanda were close-by, getting anxious over the exchange. Kanda was pleading mentally for Homura not to create trouble with the new girl. Otae examined Homura's features with attention and then said:
"Back in Shimane, I had a Math teacher who lent me a book. In that book, I read about the Fibonacci Sequence, which is a sequence of numbers in which each subsequent term corresponds to the addition of the two terms that came before." Otae narrated. "Right now, when I saw you smiling, I thought the exact same thing from when I read about the Fibonacci Sequence."
This is bad! Kanda was worried. Homura-san doesn't like Math, is Otae-san going to insult her somehow?
"What did you think?" Homura asked in low voice. Otae gazed into her eyes and told her:
"You are extraordinarily beautiful."
Tamaki laughed, whispering "lady-killer" in Kanda's ear. The smaller boy, however, did not respond to him.
During the years Kanda had known Homura, he had never seen her in that state of absolute shock and awe nor had he ever heard her grasping for words and failing to convey what she wanted to communicate. Perhaps, Homura herself was not sure about what she wanted to say. It was clear that something had changed after Otae had pronounced that simple sentence, but the boy would take some time to understand what it was.
It was very strange to observe Homura's behavior around Otae from that day onwards. She would blush and get nervous constantly, but would still find every opportunity to talk to the younger girl and include her in their group. Otae's brother, Shinsuke, remained somewhat distant from them. But Kanda could feel the boy's piercing blue eyes in several occasions.
Shinsuke was a well-liked and charming boy, and remained pleasant towards them all until the following Christmas Eve, which was also Homura's birthday. Miss Tanaka had baked a cake and nobody was creating any trouble. Kanda had bought a box of candy for his oldest friend, but the girl did not like that brand and told him to keep it. He decided to share it with Tamaki and Otae. The older boy was sitting next to Kanda, and the girls were sitting across from them. The other kids had already left the table by that moment.
At the bottom of the box, there was a plastic ring.
"The same color of your eyes." He said, offering the object to Otae. She blinked in confusion.
"It's Homura-san's birthday, you should give it to her."
"You can have it!" Homura interjected. "Otae-san can have everything she wants!"
"And you're ready to provide for her, aren't you, Homura-chan?" Tamaki teased, enjoying watching the older girl's face turning scarlet.
"Thank you." Otae muttered, taking the plastic ring. By that time, the younger girl had let her hair grow down to her shoulders. It was still short compared to Homura's -hers reached her waist- but it was enough to make Otae more distinguishable from her brother. Nevertheless, she still preferred to wear large shirts and shorts and did not like to style her hair, no matter how much Homura offered herself to do it.
"A Christmas gift?" Kanda heard someone ask behind him. He turned around and found Shinsuke at the kitchen's door, with a serene smile on his face.
"Shinsuke-chii!" Otae greeted. "Come join us!"
"Unless you think you're too cool to be seen with us." Tamaki joked.
"I'm simply shy." Shinsuke said, which almost made Kanda gasp; he could not imagine anyone farther away from being shy. Otae's brother was the type of person who could enter a room and make everybody pay attention to him. He was confident and had a natural talent with words. People respected Shinsuke and were attracted to him without the boy having to do anything. It was true, though, that Shinsuke avoided spending time with Kanda's group, preferring to talk to Otae alone. Kanda had assumed that the younger boy felt awkward around his sister's friends.
"You're certainly not shy with the other kids, Shin-chan." Tamaki observed.
"You can simply say that you don't like us, Shinsuke-kun." Homura added.
"I have a lot of respect for you, Homura-san." Shinsuke told her. "You're strong, upfront and dependable. It's reassuring to know that Nee-chan-"
"I don't need anyone to look after me." Otae interrupted, slightly raising her voice. It was rare to witness her reprehending her brother in any way. Shinsuke was startled for a few seconds, but soon regained his cool.
"Kanda-san, could you come with me? I finally got a birthday gift for you." Shinsuke said.
"Kanda-kun's birthday was in November 5th, isn't it kind of late for a birthday gift?" Tamaki found that suspicious. "Besides, shouldn't you give Homura-chan something?"
"I take my time to find the perfect gifts." Shinsuke replied. "Let's go, Kanda-san?"
"Sure." Kanda agreed. He followed the younger child to the boys' bedroom. The other kids were still playing in the living room, so the two of them were alone. Shinsuke sat on Kanda's bed, which was next to the right wall, and asked the other to sit by his side, which he did. The lights were turned off, but the moon light that was coming from the window illuminated Shinsuke's face and gray hair. Kanda felt uncomfortable by the way he was being looked at by that child. Shinsuke was smiling, but his eyes were cold.
"Why did you give Nee-chan that ring?" He asked.
"Huh?" Kanda was taken by surprise. "I thought you were going to give me-"
"Answer my question." Shinsuke commanded, sending chills down Kanda's spine.
"It was in the candy box and its color reminded me of her eyes… your eyes too… and she was right in front of me." Kanda explained, slowly. "There wasn't any deep reason behind that."
Shinsuke kept on staring at him, sustaining a smile that Kanda now saw as fake.
"I've been studying the people of this orphanage for a few months now." Shinsuke said. "Most of them are easy to figure out. It's easy to make a good impression on them and earn their good will. You know that already."
"Why do you say that?" Kanda raised an eyebrow.
"I've talked to every single person in this place." Shinsuke continued. "You know? Homura-san and Tamaki-san aren't very popular. One would expect that a child who spent a lot of time with them would be disliked as well. But I couldn't find even one single person who had anything bad to say about you, Kanda-san. You have an amazingly good reputation. Intelligent, reasonable, helpful, patient, sweet… the way people talk about you makes one think that you can't possibly be a real person."
"It's funny to hear you saying those things about me." Kanda put a smile on the lips. "From what I heard, you're just as unreal as me, Shinsuke-kun."
They stayed in silence for two minutes, smiling at each other. But they both could see the other's eyebrows twitching.
"I understand people." Shinsuke affirmed. "It's easy for me to tell what they want to hear. They don't even notice what I'm doing… it's funny."
"There's nothing funny about that." Kanda dropped the smile. "It's a good thing to be kind to people."
"Why?" Shinsuke questioned.
"What do you mean by 'why?'" Kanda was confused.
"Why is it good to be kind?" The other inquired, narrowing his eyes. "Why are you kind, Kanda-san?"
Is this guy serious? Kanda wondered, feeling cold sweat covering his face. He never thought he had to justify kindness; the fact that someone had asked him to do so astonished him.
"Because it feels good to help people." He replied. "Isn't that how it is with everybody?"
Shinsuke raised both eyebrows and his smile was replaced by a semi-open mouth. Why was he so surprised to hear that?
"Do you feel like that with everybody?" The younger boy asked. "Isn't there anyone you don't want to help? Someone you might actually want to hurt?"
"Why would I ever want to hurt anyone?!" Kanda was horrified by that thought. There were people who annoyed him from time to time, but he knew he just had to be patient and get to know them better. From his experience, people were good and if they did not seem good immediately it was because they had not revealed enough of themselves.
"Heh." Shinsuke chuckled. "Sorry, Kanda-san. I thought you and I were the same. But it turns out that you really are something that I used to think that didn't exist: a good person."
"You didn't think good people existed?!" Kanda was perplexed. "What about your sister? And Homura-san? And Tamaki-san?"
"They're less bad than the majority, I suppose." Shinsuke explained. "Plus, I love my sister, with her flaws and all."
"It's not good to focus on the flaws of people." Kanda told him.
"It's essential to do so!" The other contested. "If you're unaware of the evil that surrounds you, that same evil will destroy what you treasure."
"You…" Kanda was in a loss of words.
"I'm heading back now." Shinsuke said suddenly, standing up. "If they ask, you could say that I gave you candy."
"You don't talk like a child, Shinsuke-kun." Kanda managed to say.
"Most children haven't been through what I have." Shinsuke muttered. "They're sheltered little things who never had to take action."
"Take action?" Kanda questioned, gazing at the other's back.
"How far are you willing to go for someone you love, Kanda-san?" Shinsuke asked in a low and serious voice. The lack of answer made him add: "Never mind that. If you're lucky, you'll never have to worry about such things."
Otae's brother left Kanda alone with his thoughts. He shared them with nobody, like he always did when concerned. Kanda continued to be his usual pleasant self to people and nobody seemed to notice anything different. Otae, however, seemed to stare at him longer than before. And she talked to him less.
That was until a day when he was watering the plants in front of the children's institution, by himself. Kanda felt that he was being observed and turned around to find Otae a few steps away. It was a slightly cold January day and both kids were wearing thin jackets. The girl had her usual hard to decipher expression, which made him feel uneasy. She seemed to always be thinking deeply about something important, but he could not guess was going through her mind.
"Your parents didn't want you, right?" Otae phrased that question the same way a person asks about the weather.
Kanda was taken aback. Luckily, he had mastered the ability to mask his emotions when people asked about his family. He was not sure about the reason, but he found it shameful when someone noticed that he felt bothered by something.
"Who knows?" He murmured, feigning indifference. "I never had the chance to ask them."
"It's good that you haven't met them." She said. Kanda rested the water bowl on the doorstep and paid full attention to her.
"Is there a reason for you to bring up this subject?" Kanda could not muster a smile in that moment. Miss Tanaka had never made it a secret that he had been abandoned on a winter night by someone who did not even bother to knock on the door. It was not shocking that Otae came to know the story, but her behavior was strange. There was not a trace of sympathy or pity, things he was used to see in those who had questioned him about his family. Nevertheless, he could not decipher what was there in her tone of voice that made him uneasy.
"Shinsuke-chii said that you were a good person." Otae commented. "It intrigued me."
"Why?" Kanda inquired. Otae glanced at the floor and then looked into his eyes.
"You're good, although you weren't loved by your parents." She muttered. "You didn't even get to know the people who despised you… as far as you know, you haven't ruined anyone's life. It makes me envious."
"What?" Kanda was puzzled.
"That sounds awful, right?" Otae laughed, nervously. "A sweet boy like you can't understand."
"You guys never said anything about your family." Kanda said. "You mentioned Shimane once, but nobody knows your family name."
"My brother could've told his family name if he wanted to. But I don't have the right to use his father's name…" She gulped. "To be honest, I don't want to be associated with that man's name."
"Why? Isn't he your father too?" Kanda asked.
"My Mother was tricked by some city man and got pregnant." She explained briefly. "Her family forced her to marry an old man she hated… they said I was born before time…"
They're half siblings, Kanda remarked mentally.
"Mother..." Otae hesitated. "She used to say that I had ruined her life."
"I'm sorry about that." Kanda said, feeling his heart getting heavy.
"She ran away one day." Otae continued. "Shinsuke's father told me that I should be grateful to him for letting me keep living with them. That man had never seen me as his child… he was always screaming… always… he looked at me like…" Her hands trembled and she glanced down. "He made me work in the house. He told me to be respectful but I never was… things would've been better if I had done as he said but I couldn't… I hated him. I hated him!"
Her disgusted tone disturbed Kanda.
"I planned to run away but Shinsuke didn't let me go alone." Otae spoke with shame, as if she was confessing a crime. "He didn't have to… his father was kind to him! But I did not dissuade Shinsuke-chii… I was afraid of being alone… I shouldn't have let him…"
"He loves you!" Kanda assured her.
"That's the problem." Otae said. "If he didn't love me, he would still be in that farm, living with his family. I let him throw it all away… I'm so despicable…"
Her eyes were getting wet and Kanda had the urge to hug her. He resisted it, though.
"You didn't do anything wrong!" He stated. "You didn't deserve to be treated that way! But, trust me, you deserve to be loved by your brother… and by your friends."
She stared at him without saying anything back for a couple of minutes. Those wide inexpressive eyes confused and frustrated him.
"I'm not lying to you!" Kanda affirmed.
"I know." She told him. "It's just that I can't think on a reason for you to tell me all that."
"I said those things because I didn't want you to keep believing that you're bad and that you don't deserve love!" He felt like stating the obvious.
"Why?"
"Why do I have to justify it?!" Kanda yelled, frustrated. "Is it that strange that I want people to be happy?!"
He was never the kind of person who would shout at people. Kanda immediately regret his outburst when he saw a thick tear leave Otae's right eye.
"I'm sorry!" He hurried to apologize. "I didn't want to upset you! I shouldn't have shouted!"
"You want me to be happy?" She asked.
"Of course!" Kanda was confused by her reaction. "I'm your friend, after all! I'm sure that Homura-san and Tamaki-san want your happiness too! Your brother wants that as well!"
"Thank you, Kanda-chii." Otae said, showing him a small smile. The boy was surprised to hear the honorific she only used to address her brother, but it made him happy.
"I did nothing special." He told her, smiling timidly.
"You go out of your way to reach out for people and make them feel good. I'm happy that someone like you…" She stopped, seeming to be looking for the right words to say. "I'm… I'm glad that you exist."
Kanda was not able to reply. It was as if his brain had forgotten how to process thoughts. The information had entered his ears, he was sure of that, but there was something stopping him from fully comprehending it. Otae mumbled something about her brother waiting for her and entered the institution. Kanda, mechanically, said "ok" or something similar, probably.
I'm glad that you exist.
He had heard all types of compliments. He did his best to help people and was happy to hear words of gratitude. But what Otae told him was different from anything he had ever heard. It was not really a compliment, but rather a statement about how she viewed him. A general statement, regardless, not referring to one specific thing he had done to one specific person. It was not simply a show of gratitude or appreciation.
Kanda, a child unwanted by his parents, was told by someone who knew how that felt that she was glad for his existence.
The first teardrops were scarce and unnoticeable, but they progressively became thick streams. He tried to wipe them away but it was useless. New tears emerged and his trembling hands could not take care of them. He kneeled and hid his face behind his palms, although he knew that nobody was watching him.
I'm glad that you exist.
Kanda was only starting to realize that those were the words he had always longed to hear.
The following months, he would find himself seeking for Otae's company and feeling somewhat bothered by how close to her Homura used to sit or stand. The old friends never stopped being amicable to each other, but they had begun to compete in everything, without understanding why.
Otae began to smile more and chat more as time flew past them. It was becoming harder for Homura and Kanda to take their eyes away from her.
Shinsuke took notice of that and started to hang out with their group more. He would not say anything, but Kanda could often feel his eyes on him.
There were not big changes in their dynamic.
But then, in Shinsuke's twelfth birthday, everything changed.
From a computer Otae had fixed, five little machines flew to each child. There was a flash and they found themselves in a laboratory. Behind them, there was a ring-shaped machine twice Tamaki's height. In front of them, there was a group of strange creatures and an adult man dressed in a kimono.
"Greetings." He said. There was a spark in his blue eyes and his jovial smile was warm. "I am Gennai, pleased to meet you."
"Who are you?" Homura inquired, stepping forward. "What is this place?"
"D-don't worry, it's going to be okay." Kanda tried to make Otae feel safe but could not hide his shaking. Otae herself did not seem to feel anything beyond curiosity. She looked around her, taking in every detail of the laboratory.
"Welcome, chosen children!" A being that resembled a pink ball with wings saluted. "I'm Piximon."
"Hello, I'm Nanomon. I'm the Science Chief of the Academy." A small robot-like creature spoke. "I'm sure you have many questions. I'll explain everything in detail, but, for now, meet your partners."
Each of the remaining five creatures went to each of the children.
"Hello, Otae! I'm Lunamon!" A small monster with a feminine voice who resembled a pink and purple rabbit with two pairs of ears and who walked in two limbs introduced herself.
"I'm Strabimon, I look forward to our battles together." Another monster introduced himself to Homura. He was as tall as her and resembled a wolf-man who wore pants, gloves on his claw-like hands and a scarf on his neck.
"Nice to meet you, Shinsuke. I'm Dorumon." Said a creature that would look like a dinosaur if it was not for his purple fur and long cottony tail.
"I hope we get along well, Tamaki. I'm Bakumon!" In front of Tamaki was hovering a monster with an odd helmet on her head and a cloud where her lower limbs should be.
"And I am Kokuwamon!" Said a being that Kanda thought looked like an insect or a robot, and he could not decide which described him better.
"We… were abducted by aliens…" Tamaki whispered, astonished.
"They're not aliens, they're digimon." Nanomon clarified. "They're going to be your partners in the battle against the Sanctuary."
"Sanctuary? Digimon?" Shinsuke was trying to understand.
"You want us to fight?" Otae questioned, raising an eyebrow but not her voice.
"Not immediately. First, we'll supervise your training." Piximon explained. "We'll keep you here until you activate your crests and make your partners reach perfect level. Then, it should be safe for you to go out there and-"
"What does that mean? I didn't understand anything you said!" Tamaki was getting exasperated.
"You'll understand everything very soon." Nanomon assured them. He told the children about a noble angel digimon called Seraphimon, who wished to bring peace to the world. But Seraphimon had been murdered by a vile female digimon, who became the world's ruler and torn down its ancient laws. Their only hope was to bring humans to make digimon rapidly evolve to levels that would normally take centuries for them to achieve. Kanda did not understand most of the explanation at first. Nor did he understand immediately why each of them received a pendent with a rock inside.
What Kanda knew was that, after Nanomon's exposition and Piximon's insistence that the Digital World would be doomed if the children did not fight against the Sanctuary, his friends agreed to the task.
Although still overwhelmed, Kanda did not hesitate on staying by their side. He still needed to sort out his motivation to save the world. But there was a more urgent reason for him to fight. His friends were going to do that and he would do everything for them.
And so Kanda did.
After their first victory, on a misty morning when Star Town had been taken by the Academy, the children did not feel like celebrating. They had spent nearly a month in the main base, training and getting to know their partners, and they had imagined their moment of triumph as something more heroic. Instead, they had to fight not only the Mayor but also the majority of the town's population. Five perfect level digimon were more than enough for the task, but the trail of destruction and death was unlike anything those children had imagined.
A small troop led by Piximon took charge of the place and the fairy digimon told the children to head to the next location. The pink digimon reminded them that they had done a great thing by freeing that town, but the survivors that opposed the Academy did not share that idea. As the children left Star Town, they heard angry shouts coming from all directions.
"Murderers!"
"Barbarians!"
"Invaders!"
Their partners did not seem badly affected by those reactions. On the contrary, they stated to be proud of their success. Those five digimon had been raised for the sake of defeating the evil Sanctuary and could not be more satisfied.
The afternoon had come and their supply backpacks felt heavy. In the Academy, before they had left for their first mission, they had changed into boots, black pants and green jackets that were designed to make them feel comfortable in any weather. Otae usually did not care a lot about clothes, but she did not like how the ones they were wearing resembled military uniforms. At least her brother had kept the red goggles she had given him one year before.
They found a sunflower field on the way and Shinsuke insisted that they stopped there. Otae knew that those were her brother's favorite flowers and asked the others if they could rest in that place for a few minutes. Everybody agreed, although it was more because they were not in a hurry to reach the next town. They sat in a circle, among the flowers.
"You didn't have to attack the civilians." Tamaki muttered, looking at Bakumon, who was floating by his side.
"It was their fault for not surrendering." Strabimon stated.
"We were fighting for their sake and they couldn't acknowledge that." Kokuwamon added.
"Whoever sides with the Sanctuary is an enemy of the world." Bakumon said.
"But was it necessary to kill them?" Tamaki insisted, shaking lightly. "You were stronger! Couldn't you spare them?"
"We had the responsibility to free that town." Homura murmured. "For the sake of those who were oppressed!"
"They didn't seem oppressed to me." Tamaki remarked.
"Indeed, they weren't!" A feminine voice came from above them. They looked up and saw a female angel hovering a couple of meters from the ground. She landed one meter in their right.
"I am Angewomon, an emissary from the Sanctuary." She introduced herself.
The digimon positioned themselves between the perfect level angel and the humans.
"You won't lay a finger on our partners!" Lunamon affirmed.
Otae saw her brother, Homura and Kanda placing themselves in front of her. She did not like that, but said nothing.
"I'm here to talk, not to fight." Angewomon clarified. "Mother, I mean, the Queen wants to help you to go back to your world."
"She wants us to run away?" Homura spoke with sarcasm.
"Don't be like that, Homura-chan; let's listen to what she has to say." Tamaki tried to be reasonable.
"I agree with Tamaki-san." Kanda said.
"That angel is obviously trying to fool us! Tell them, Otae-san!" Homura turned to the other girl. Otae felt nervous to suddenly be on the center of attention. She did not know what was the right thing to do. The fact was that they had been brought to that world by the Academy and that organization was the only sure way they had to return home. If they did not comply, would they be trapped there forever or worse? Otae had noticed the fanaticism of the digimon from the Academy and how their partners talked about the Sanctuary. If she said the wrong thing, would those five digimon consider them traitors and attack them? Would Angewomon alone be enough to protect the children from those five? That hypothesis was unlikely.
Otae knew that the safest option was to agree with Homura and appease their partners. However, she could not bring herself to say anything. One of her greatest flaws was that she was not able to pretend to believe in something she considered wrong. Being kidnapped and forced to fight for the sake of monsters she did not know was not what she wanted. Even if their survival depended on it.
"What does the Queen gain by helping her enemies?" Shinsuke asked. "Wouldn't it be simpler to attack us by surprise and kill us before our partners could react?"
"Don't give her ideas!" Dorumon was shocked by what the boy had suggested.
"That's not how I fight, I'm not a coward." Angewomon took offense. "Besides, I don't like the idea of killing manipulated children."
"Who are you calling manipulated?" Homura snapped.
"The Academy has fed you lies!" Angewomon stated. "Mother brought peace and prosperity to this world; she's not the villain they want you to believe she is!"
"Nobody ever thinks they're the villain." Shinsuke commented. "Didn't the Queen kill her own brother?"
"She took the life of the digimon she loved the most to save the world from a bloody tyrant." Angewomon explained. "She did the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good! I won't tolerate anyone who disrespects her!"
"Who would trade a sibling for the sake of the world? Shouldn't it be the other way around?" Shinsuke's tone was becoming colder. Otae supposed that it should be a shock for the others to see that side of him for the first time. Shinsuke usually knew how to keep his cool, but that one subject was delicate for him.
"It seems that you're still not ready to face the truth." Angewomon sighed, taking flight. "The longer you keep your eyes closed, the worse it will be for you later."
Angewomon and other perfect level digimon from the Sanctuary assisted on the defense of the next three towns. They also kept on trying to talk the children out of fighting. The chosen children barely managed to win those fights. Otae could tell that the reason for that was the enemies' mercy. But she could not point that out to the others. The digimon were irritated that they hadn't been able to kill as many Sanctuary followers as they wished. Tamaki and Homura were getting into more heated arguments, while Kanda tried to mediate between them. The atmosphere of that group that had once been so pleasant was now becoming suffocating. She wished she could run away.
"Nee-chan, are you going somewhere?"
She could not do that. She could not be selfish anymore. Not after what she had done to Shinsuke. That boy had always been by her side and had always been sweet to her. Instead of paying him back, because of her he was in that place. Because of her, his innocence had been ruined and a shadow lurked behind his once kind eyes.
During a night when they were camping in a forest, Otae had volunteered to stay on guard. Lunamon had stayed awake for a while, but not for long. The girl was glad when she heard the small creature snore. Otae went to sit in front of a large tree nearby.
"Aren't you tired, Nee-chan?" Shinsuke asked, getting up. He had been pretending to sleep. The boy walked slowly in her direction and sat by her side "I can switch with you."
There he was, putting her needs before his again. Every time he did that, Otae felt her heart being squeezed. But, once again, she did not tell him how she felt. She was afraid to say the wrong thing and upset him.
"I like to be the only one awake. It's easier to think when there's silence." She told him.
"If you want me to leave you alone, you can just say it." Shinsuke murmured.
"It's not like that." She cursed herself mentally.
"Don't worry about it." He showed her a large smile. "I know that you don't actually want me to leave."
"You wouldn't leave me alone no matter what." Otae whispered, looking down.
It was still fresh in her mind the night when she tried to run away for the first time, in Shimane. It would have worked if she had not felt the need to sneak into her brother's bedroom to leave him a note. She knew he had light sleep. She knew she should not do it, but she could not just leave without letting him know how grateful she was for having met him. She could not risk making him believe that she was abandoning him the same way their mother had done. Otae did not want to part ways with her brother, the only person in the world who was precious to her. But, despite loving Shinsuke immensely, she was not selfless enough to stay in the same house with his horrid father. The girl had not written a word about the man, though. He was good to Shinsuke and her brother loved him. An unwanted child who did not belong in that family, who was not entitled to any better treatment and still behaved badly, did not have the right to upset that beloved boy.
Shinsuke woke up that night and caught her leaving the note next to his pillow. He gazed at her with those big shiny eyes and asked if she was going somewhere. Otae should not have told him anything, but how could she refuse to do so? She had planned to let out the minimum possible, but once he had pulled her to an embrace, the words flowed without control. And so did her tears.
"Wait until tomorrow, Nee-chan." His voice had never been so serious. "I'll go with you. And you'll never see that man again."
If only she had not gone into his bedroom… if only she had not confessed everything to him…
Then, she would not have to go to the grocery store the next day. She would not have found Shinsuke waiting for her, alone in the kitchen, wearing different clothes from the ones he had used to go hunting with his father in the morning.
He was there, waiting with their backpacks ready. His hands were trembling. He tried to smile but could not. His eyes were red. Shinsuke wanted to leave immediately and would not give any straight answer regarding his father.
"He went to the bar. Let's go before he comes back." He had a pleading tone.
Shinsuke was so nervous that he had not stopped to think that, if what he said was true, Otae would have seen the man on her way home. She went to the bathroom. There, she found her brother's morning clothes in the basket.
They had red stains on them.
When everything became clear, she felt like digging a deep hole and burying herself in it. What had she done? What had she led her brother to do? It had been for her. He had done that for her. She knew it. Yet, she could not say anything to him. She took him by the hand and they fled that house. She never again asked about his father.
Shinsuke was still kind to her, but he would never be the same person again.
In that forest, under the starry sky, Otae still tried to search for the light in his eyes. And once again she could not find it.
"I worry a lot about you, Nee-chan." Shinsuke said, looking down. "I just want you to be happy and safe. But it's hard to read you… I have no idea if what I'm doing is enough. I wish you could tell me how you feel. I wish I could do more for you."
I wish you had never done anything for me at all, Otae thought, getting up and walking away.
"If it's going to satisfy you, you can switch with me." She said in low voice, hoping that their conversation had ended.
Suddenly, Shinsuke shouted. Otae turned around and saw a male angel holding her brother from behind and pointing a golden blade to his neck.
"SHINSUKE-CHII!" She yelled. The others woke up. They stood up quickly and faced the angel.
"W-What's the meaning of this?!" Kanda inquired.
"Are you friends with Angewomon?" Homura questioned.
The ground trembled as they felt someone land behind them. Otae turned around for less than a minute and saw a woman covered in armor. She had five pairs of wings, a helmet that covered her eyes, a spear in one hand and a shield in the other. Her presence alone seemed to be able to instill silence and reverence from all living things.
Their digimon partners, who usually jumped into battle without thinking twice, trembled in front of that woman.
"Stop this nonsense, Angemon!" She commanded.
"I must do this, Mother!" He stated, pressing the blade against Shinsuke's throat.
"LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!" Otae ordered. Her eyes were getting filled with water and she could feel her knees getting weak.
"I-I'ts going to be okay, Nee-chan…" Shinsuke said, failing to hide his panic.
It's going to be okay.
That was something he had always told her. Shinsuke had said that when their mother left, when they had run away from Shimane, when they had been taken to the orphanage… in the end, things seemed to have turned out fine.
Shinsuke was usually right and Otae should believe him when he said that things would be okay. They were both resourceful and intelligent in their own ways. Otae was good at solving problems. They helped and supported each other and things worked out. Was that not right?
But while Shinsuke had always been the one to see good things in the future, Otae was the one to focus on the things that could have been better and the bad things that could come. Her "what ifs" were not hopeful like his, but filled with dreadful feelings. It was not different in that moment. The boy was trying to be strong for her while Otae was already imagining the blade cutting through his skin.
"Can't you guys do anything?" Tamaki asked their partners.
"They can't attack without putting Shinsuke-kun in danger!" Kanda pointed out.
"There has to be a way!" Homura seemed to be scolding herself. "Think! Think! What can we do?"
The Queen pointed her spear in Angemon's direction. Her hand was shaking.
"I can kill you in less than a second. Don't force me to do that. Release that child!" She ordered him.
"You have no resolve, Mother." Angemon accused. "You pity these murderers who conspire against you the same way you pitied the Academy! And look at what your mercy has cost us!"
"I don't want a war, Angemon!" The Queen said. "We can still solve this peacefully. These children are being used by the Academy!"
"I love you, Mother. But your naivety is infuriating!" Angemon shouted.
"I'll seriously kill you if you-" The Mother began.
"No, you won't!" Angemon contested. "Not while you think that I could be him! Not while you drown yourself in guilt over him! Not while you remain as the head of the Sanctuary! You're nothing like the stories I heard about you! A coward who throws her name away isn't going to do anything! Maybe that's what you need! Remember who you were! Take your name back!"
"DROP THE BLADE, ANGEMON!" She roared.
Angemon showed her a smile that lacked joy.
"This is for your own good, Ofanimon." He said as he cut Shinsuke's throat open and let him fall to the ground.
As the boy hit the hard surface, his goggles fell off his head, landing a few centimeters away.
The things that came next would remain as confused memories in Otae's mind.
She knew that she had screamed and that her knees had given in to her weight. She knew that she had crawled to where her brother was bleeding and that she had seen the look he had on his face. His eyes were full of fear and begged for help but she could not do anything. Her hands could not stop his blood from flowing profusely, nor could they keep his data from breaking apart into infinite particles.
Their whole life together flashed before her eyes. What had she ever done for him? She had not been a good sister or a good person at all. She had never let Shinsuke know how important he was to her. All the unsaid things and gestures would now belong to her "what ifs" scenarios. She had lost the most precious person in her world.
Otae did not notice when Ofanimon lowered her head and apologized or when Kokuwamon and Strabimon evolved to attack the ultimate angel. She did not see when the leader of the Sanctuary took Angemon and fled.
She did not hear Dorumon ask how he was going to evolve now.
Kanda, who had kept his eyes on Otae the whole time, glanced at their digimon partners. They did not seem heartbroken, but preoccupied. The boy thought about the times he had spent with Kokuwamon. He remembered how, during that month in the Academy's main base, the mecha-insect digimon talked about how much he cared for his world and his desire to save it from the Sanctuary.
Back then, he still had doubts about their situation, but Kanda had already accepted Kokuwamon and the other digimon as his friends. If his friends wanted to fight, he would help them the best he could. That's what he did.
But did Kokuwamon and the other four ever see the chosen children as friends?
What did Kanda and the other children mean to them?
Were they just instruments? Tools for evolution?
He looked back at Otae. Tamaki and Homura were trying to talk to her.
Would they continue to fight? For what reason?
The world?
The digimon?
Kanda did not feel like defending those anymore. What did he want, though? Shinsuke's death and Otae's despair were burned into his mind and lit in his heart a desire that he had never felt before.
The boy wanted to hurt Angemon, the Queen and everybody associated with the Sanctuary.
Was it for revenge? For justice?
Otae's sobs echoed in the night. Homura and Tamaki were crying and trembling as well. As Kanda looked at them, he felt hot tears stream down his face. He was not going to hide them. What he was feeling now would be his fuel. It would keep him going forward, until his enemies had paid. That was his reason to fight.
His reason to live.
Was it for friendship, perhaps?
Homura knocked on the door of the room where the current chosen children were. Jyou told her to come in and she did as he said. She was happy to see that Sora was back, but was worried at her bandaged hands.
"Did Otae-san talk to you?" Koushiro asked, anxious.
"Yes." Homura said, with a sheepish smile. "She went with Kanda to the main base."
"Ah!" Mimi interjected. "That guy can't just sneak away like that! He has to apologize to us!"
"Otae-san has the crest of hope, right?" Takeru asked. "I need to talk to her so she can give it to me."
"Takeru-kun, you'll need to be very careful in how to talk to her." Sora said.
"That's right, you can't just go to her and say 'give me your brother's crest,' you know?" Jyou added.
"Of course I wouldn't ask like that." Takeru was a little offended.
"Anyway, we need to go to that main base." Mimi decided.
"We're already heading that way." Homura informed.
"You were expecting for us to want to go there?" Sora inquired.
"No." Homura denied. "It's something I've decided after what happened today. And Otae-san agreed with me. That place…" She hesitated, as bad memories rose. "That's the place where the original chosen children arrived through a portal… and the place where…" Homura closed her eyes for a moment. "It was where their clones were created."
Sora glanced down, recalling the conversation she had heard between Homura and Kanda the night before.
"So, why are you taking us there?" Takeru questioned.
"The portal that brought us to this world is still there, somewhere. It's probably the same one that brought you here." Homura said.
The children and their digimon exchanged perplexed looks.
"You don't mean…?" Motimon started.
"Is Kanda going to allow this?" Patamon asked.
"We can't!" Takeru interjected. "We still-"
"Leave Kanda-kun and the problems of this world to us!" Homura gave an order. Her authoritative tone contrasted to a large smile she was now showing. "You kids are going home!"