Chapter Six

Natalie and Michael sat across from one another at the large dining room table, Bella had ate and left to watch cartoons as natalie picked at her food and it wasnt lost on Michael..

"Not hungry?" he said as he looked at her and she sipped her wine..

"I ate a big lunch with Bella" she lied..

"i have to head off on a trip tomorrow, im gonna be gone a few days" he said as she nodded, it wasnt like this was something new, he was always going somewhere, ever since he became senator of Pennsylvania it was like she never got to see him anymore, not that he didnt make sure that her and Bella had everything they needed and wanted but still, sometimes she wished she could just be with him, like she had so long ago.."i heard my brother is in town" he said as he sipped his wine..

"yeah i know" she said as she sipped her drink..

"You do?" he said with surprise as she looked up..

"he stopped by earlier to see you" she swallowed hard..

"Oh really" he said with annoyance.."how come you didnt say anything"

"I just did" she said with a sigh..

"you know what i mean natalie, what else did he say" he said with more than just a hint of jealousy to his tone..

"congratulations, he wanted to wish you good luck on being elected senator again" she said as she stood and he did too..

"Like he really gives a shit about what i do" he said as he finished his drink and slammed his glass on the table as Natalie jumped..

"he's your brother" she said with a huff..

"he's a fucking waste of space, he couldnt even show his face when dad died" he snapped as natalie finished her wine.."he should of just stayed gone" he walked past her..

"where are you going" she asked as he stopped but he didnt look at her..

"out, i need some fresh air" he said as he grabbed his coat.."dont wait up for me" he said as he left and slammed the door behind him as she stood there, and this is what their marriage had become, they were like two strangers living together and she couldnt even blame him for the way he behaved, she had done this to their marriage, her reckless decisons is what had done this..

Seven years ago..

Natalie stared at the diamond ring on her finger as she sat on the back porch, it had been almost a week since the announcement of her engagement and John had been gone for the majority of it, the only time she had seen him was a few days prior but he hadnt even looked in her direction and that hurt more than anything..

Gigi had headed back to AC and in just a few short days natalie and Michael would be heading back too and as much as she wanted to get out of this town and away from all of this craziness she couldnt help but feel sad as well.

She stared at the barn as she sat there, John had been gone since this morning and she decided to take the opportunity to go for a ride on lady, she needed something to clear her head and she was sure that going for a ride would surely do that..

Natalie rode Lady for hours through the woods, it was just what she had needed to, with Michael preparing for his new job Natalie knew that she was gonna have alot of decisions to make as well, she hated the idea of leaving AC and starting over, the idea was actually horrifying..

"Pennsylvania has a great university natalie, you could transfer in the fall" Michael began as she looked at him..

"i just cant up and leave my dad" she said as she shook her head..

"Your dad will be fine, hell he can come and visit often, he is gonna be retiring soon anyways" Michael said as he took her hand into his.."i love you natalie, i love you so much"

Natalie swallowed hard as she looked at him.."I love you too", she was surprised at how hard those three words were for her to say to him, they were almost forced..

He smiled as he held her hand.."we will make this work, no matter what ok, we will make this work"

The sound of crushing leaves snapped her from her thoughts as she looked up from the ground she was sitting on as Lady munched on some apples that had fallen on the ground, and then there he was, John, sitting on the large black horse..He jumped off as she began to stand up, her heart racing..His eyes darted to her hand and the large ring on it.

"You know you really shouldnt just take a horse that doesnt belong to you" his voice was a bit icy as he spoke..

"i didnt really think it was a big deal" she said as she swallowed hard..

"yeah well its not your horse" he said as he walked over to Lady and ran his hand over her coat..

"well i wasnt trying to steal her" she said with a bit of attitude and he looked at her.."just take her, i will walk back" she said as she walked past him..

"hey...who the hell do you think your talking to" he snapped as she kept walking, she mumbled a curse under her breath as she walked.."excuse me" he yelled as he ran up to her and grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him..

"what the hell, let go of me" she yelled as she went to slap him but he caught her wrist in mid air..

"You dont get the right to talk shit about me when you walk away" he said through gritted teeth..

"fine then i will say it to your face" she snapped.."Your an asshole" she yelled and he let go of her hand..

"Oh is that it, or you got more?" he glared at her..

"Your a fucking pathetic asshole, happy now" she yelled with anger..

"wow and you are nothing but a lying bitch" he yelled at her as she gasped..

"How fucking dare you" she yelled as she went to hit him again and yet again he grabbed her arm.."worthless piece of shit, thats what you are" she yelled with so much anger that tears began to fill her eyes..

"keep on going say some more, just get it all out Natalie, go ahead, do it!" he yelled at her..

"fuck you" she said as tears began to roll down her face.."i hate you" she began to cry and then he was pulling her against him as she cried against his chest..

"shhhh, its ok, its ok, im sorry, im so sorry" he said as he held her..

"i just, i just want to hate you" she said as she pulled her tear soaked face from his chest and he brushed a piece of her hair from her face.." why cant i hate you" she cried..

"for the same reason i cant hate you" he said as his mouth collasped on hers and he kissed her with everything he had in him, and soon they were on the ground as their tongues mingled together and their hands roamed where they could..

Soon their clothes were being removed as they panted and tugged at each other until the last article of clothing was off and he laid against her. Skin on skin as he ran his hand through her hair as their mouths seperated..

"You are so beautiful" he whispered as his mouth descended onto her neck and he slowly and deliciously entered her, filling her body as she gasped and arched her neck more..

His body worked a slow rythmn against her as his thrusts moved slow against her. It was a bitter sweet moment for the both of them as he kissed against her neck and then made his way up her jaw, kissing his way up to her lips until his tongue dove into her mouth, caressing her tongue with his as her legs wrapped around his strong waist and then he pulled his mouth from hers as he stared at her..

"Look at me natalie, look at me as you cum" he groaned as her eyes opened and he ground himself deep inside of her as she panted and gasped at the sensations.."thats it natalie, cum for me" he groaned as her orgasm took over her body and she cried his name out over and over again.."God,... natalie" he grunted as his thrusts got quicker and deeper and soon he was erupting inside of her as he shouted her name out..

For a few long moments they laid entwined in one another on the grass, her head on his chest as he lightly ran his fingers up and down her back..

"what are we doing" she said just above a whisper as she laid there..

"I dont know" he responded quietly.."i just know that i cant stop thinking about you" he began as she lifted her head up some and she looked at him..

"I cant stop thinking about you either" she said honestly.."what are we going to do about this, i... i accepted his proposal" she said with tears in her eyes..

"I know" he said as he closed his eyes..

"i dont want to hurt him" she said as he opened his eyes and looked at her..

"I dont want to lose you" he said honestly and then he sat up and so did she.."Ive never felt like this before" he began as he looked at her..

"me neither" she swallowed hard..

"its gotta mean something, right? I mean this is real" he touched the side of her face..

"it is, this is real" she said as she nodded her head..

"Natalie i dont have much to offer you, but i will find a way, i can do this, i will do this, for you" he said as she swallowed the lump in her throat..

"I dont want anything John, i just dont want this feeling to go away, im scared its all gonna be a dream" she said with tears as he touched her face and wiped the tear that had fallen..

"Your my dream, your what i have waited my whole life for" he said as he kissed her softly and they fell back onto the grass together..

Present time...

Natalie sat in front of her fire place with a glass of wine in her hand and she sipped it slowly. God how quickly the years went by and how quickly everything had changed, she could still remember it all like it was yesterday, especially the shocked and hurt look on Michael's face as her and John confronted him, part of him had died that day and she knew that he held alot of bitterness because of it and she truly hated that she had hurt him so much..

Seven Years Ago..

"i dont understand what you are saying" Michael said in shock as he looked at her and then at John..

John took her hand into his as Michaels eyes got wide.."we didnt mean for this to happen Michael, we couldnt stop it" John said as Michael looked at them in shock..

"your jokng right, this has got to be a joke, tell me this is a fucking joke!" Michael began to yell..

"Im sorry Michael, i just... i just didnt want to hurt you" Natalie said with tears..

"Hurt me, HURT ME!, are you fucking my brother too, are you!" he yelled..

"Michael just calm down" John said defensively..

"who the fuck are you, your not my fucking brother, how could you do this to me!" Michael yelled..

"we didnt plan this" John said as his voice got loud..

"Oh is that suppose to make me feel better!" Michael yelled.."You son of a bitch" he yelled as he lunged at John and natalie got knocked to the side as the guys began to fight as she watched in horror and yelled out for them to stop as they continued to beat the shit out of each other..

"what the hell is going on here" Joseph said as he ran into the livingroom as the guys continued to brawl.."I said stop it god damn it!" he yelled as he grabbed the back of Johns shirt and pulled him off of Michael..

"im gonna fucking kill you" Michael yelled as he dusted himself off as he stood..

"someone tell me what the hell is going on" Joseph yelled as he looked at his boys and then John walked over to natalie, taking her hand in his as she cried..Josephs eyes got wide with shock as he looked at them..

"you know what, fuck you both" Michael yelled as he stormed past them and John quickly pulled Natalie against him as Joseph stood there completely in shock as to what he was witnessing..

Present time..

Natalie wiped the few tears that had fallen as she sat there on the couch, there had been so much pain over the years, so much sorrow that she literally felt like her heart was breaking..She quickly got up and finished off her wine as she headed outside to her backyard, where her stable was, she needed to ride, she just needed to ride and let everything just disappear..

Six years ago...

Alot had changed over the past year, alot of good, alot of bad, many people were hurt as well and yet they were still together, seemingly stronger than they had ever imagined. Living in Lanview now, Natalie had dropped out of college and got a place together with John, needless to say the news had hit her father in a very bad way. He was pissed to say the least and not to mention embarassed that she was throwing her life away. He had disowned her and tossed her aside and as much as it hurt her she knew that what she felt for John was worth every bit of pain.

John too on the other hand had lost not only his brother but his father had been so disappointed in him and so distraught over all of this that he would barely even speak to John, it was as if John and natalie were in this alone, no one to support what they were doing, it was them against the world.

Natalie had gotten a job at the local bar, atleast mac the bar owner had been kind enough to her to not judge the decisions her and John had made, and he offered her a job, it didnt pay much but it was something and now with her being completely cut off from her dad, well they needed it cause John was having a hard time finding work cause as soon as word traveled around town he had become the black sheep and no one was willing to give him a chance..

Natalie got home at nearly three am, she was exhausted and her feet were absolutely killing her as she tossed her purse onto the nearby couch as John came walking out of the bedroom in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs..

"hey i thought i heard you come in" he said as he ran a hand through his hair and she yawned.."long night?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead, it was times like these that all the hard long nights she worked were so worth it, just to be in the comfort of his arms was enough for her..

"Yeah, im just glad to be home" she said as she hugged him back.."any luck today" she asked as he pulled back from her..

"No" he said with a shake of his head, he felt like such shit, he couldnt even support them and the small jobs he was able to get barely kept food on the table, to say he felt like a worthless piece of shit would be an understatement..

"its ok you know, i made out good in tips, we'll be fine" she said softly as he stepped back from her..

"No we wont Natalie, i mean looked at you, your working yourself to the bone and i cant even pull my own damn weight around here" he said with frustration..

"john dont do this ok, we both knew this would be hard and it was a chance we were willing to take" she said softly, she hated that he constantly beat himself up over this..

"i gotta do something, i cant keep on watching you do this to yourself, its killing me" he said as he shook his head..

"Listen i wanted this, i wanted you and only you" she said as she walked up to him and touched his face, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm.."I love you"

"i love you, i just want to be the man you deserve" he said as he held onto her hand..

"you are and so much more" she said as her lips met his and she kissed him slowly, seductively as he quickly fell into it and then he lifted her as she wrapped her legs around his waist as he kissed her with increasing urgency as he moved them quickly to the bedroom as they fell onto the bed and he pulled his mouth from hers as he looked at her, his eyes matching the desire in hers, she didnt know if she would ever get enough of him and then slowly he began to undress her..

"you really have no idea how beautiful you are" he said said as he slid her jeans down her legs and he licked his lips as he latched his fingers into her panties and slowly peeled them from her as she bit her lip in anticipation.."i can never get enough of you sweetheart" he said as his tongue lapped between her legs in long hot strokes that had her squirming with delight..

"God you feel so good" she gasped as she clutched the sheet beneath her as his tongue made love to her most intimate spot.. It was amazing how he could work her body, it was as if he was so attuned to her that he knew just what to do and each time it resulted in a screaming orgasm and this time was no different as she cried out his name as she rode the waves of her orgasm and then he was hovering over her as her panting continued..

"I love you" he whispered as he entered her slowly and she moaned in pleasure as he filled her body..

"god i love you" she moaned as he rocked his hips against her slowly, drawing out her orgasm until she literaly felt like she couldnt take anymore and then he would push her even further..

An hour later they laid sated and exhausted in bed with her head on his chest as his fingers traced her back up and down..

"do you ever regret being with me" he asked softly as she picked her head up and looked at him..

"dont even say that, of course i dont" she said seriously..

"I mean you gave up so much and i just feel like i havent given you nearly enough in return" he said with shame in his voice..

"You gave me love, thats all i ever wanted from you John, i only wanted to be loved by you and to be able to love you" she said honestly..

"I dont know how i got so lucky" he said as he smoothed back her hair..

"I feel the same way and it only gets stronger every day" she said as she leaned up and kissed his lips and it was the truth, the gods honest truth..

Present time..

Natalie rode the horse out into the pastures as she let her mind roam, her and John hadnt had everything but they had enough cause they had each other and for her that was all she needed, so the day when he came to her and announced that he was going to join the army, well needless to say she took the news very very hard..

Six years ago..

"john you cant be serious, the military" she said in shock as he looked at her..

"natalie its the only way i can get out of this rut and be the man that you deserve" he said honestly...

"No... no... i dont want you to go, its not safe John" she said as she shook her head, she wouldnt accept this, absolutely not, never!

"natalie im doing this and im doing it for us" he said as he touched her hand..

"but we dont need that, we are fine, we are, im happy with the way things are" she said with a pleading voice, the idea of him going in the military was frightening, the way the world was now and all the bombings taking place overseas, she didnt want him anywhere near that..

"No were not Natalie" he said a bit loud as he stepped back from her.."damn it i am not gonna sit by another day and watch you kill yourself with work, im a man, im suppose to take care of you, not the other way around!" he yelled in frustration..

"were not in the fifties John, the world is different now" she said with equal frustration..

"Im doing this and that is the end of the story" he said as he turned from her..

"if you do this, John if you leave me i will hate you, i will hate you forever" she yelled at him with tears as he looked at her..He too had tears in his eyes..

"I need to do this for us, i need to" he said as he looked at her..

"i dont want you to go, if something happens, if...if" she said as tears coursed down her cheek...

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her.."nothing is gonna happen to me Natalie, this is a good thing" he said low..

"but i cant, if your gone... John what am i going to do without you here" she said as she cried..

"its only going to be for a few months, just long enough for me to get through basic training and then you can come with me, we will live on the army base, we will have a foundation to stand on" he said softly as she cried against him..

"Please dont do this John, please dont" she cried against him..

Present time..

Natalie rode the horse until her tears blurred her vision and she had to stop, she was crying heavy sobs now as she got off the horse and used a near by tree to sturdy herself, why did he have to come back, why now of all times, its like he was back and all of her memories were flooding her head all at once, it was too much to bear, just too much..

She dropped to her knees as she covered her face and cried, god why did this have to be happening to her, she had spent the last nearly six years trying to erase him from her mind and now this, now it was as if he had never left and her life was different now, she was different and he was back and she honestly didnt know how to handle it..

John finished off his last drink as he went to head out of the bar but as he got to the door he saw the one person that he honestly wasnt sure if he was ready to see,. It was his brother, it was Michael..