"SNOW!" The four-year-old yelled as countless white flakes fell on the building's courtyard. Yoshie observed closely as the little boy danced and waved his arms upwards. She didn't believe there could be greater joy than the one Koushiro was experiencing.
"Snow is so cool, Mommy!" The child exclaimed, trying to catch the snowflakes in his hands. "It's pretty!"
"Of course it is, Winter child." She said, smiling at him. Ever since she could remember, that boy loved everything that had to do with snow and Winter in general. It only made sense to call him that, despite that nickname reminding her of sad truths.
She called him that for that precise reason.
"Yoshie?" Masami, her husband, called her. He was walking in her direction, hiding something behind his back. Whatever the surprise was, his expression told her it would not be pleasant.
"I was cleaning the cabinet…" Masami mumbled, showing the violin case he had been keeping behind himself.
"Put it back where you found it." Yoshie ordered him, looking away.
"You loved this violin since you were a kid." He reminded her. "You played it every day for years. Remember how happy you were when you played to our-"
"I was playing it when I lost him." She interrupted, coldly.
"Hasn't it been long enough?" Masami asked. "This was so important to you… one bad experience shouldn't-"
"My son died." She affirmed, clenching her fists. "He died before being born… the music from that violin might have been the last thing he heard."
Masami looked down, feeling guilty.
"Daddy!" Koushiro ran to his father's arms and the man hugged him tightly. The boy soon noticed the violin's case the man was still holding in his right hand.
"What's this?" The child asked.
"Your Mommy's old violin." Masami replied, without thinking too much. Then, he noticed his wife glaring at him.
"Mommy plays violin? That's so cool!" He said, grabbing the case and taking it to his mother. "Mommy, could you play for me?"
Yoshie was able to keep all of her tears inside after that request. She lowered her body and caressed the boy's face.
"How about you play in the snow a bit more?" She suggested. "There's nothing fun in playing a violin."
Koushiro didn't think much of that and did as the woman said. She took the case back and secured it in her arms, protectively.
"It would make him happy if you played to him." Masami told her. "It would make me happy as well… and you…"
"I'll never play this again." Yoshie vowed.
"Then, why do you keep it around?" He inquired. "Why don't you get rid of it?"
She looked into his eyes, sadly, and replied:
"So I can remember."
Chapter 29: Winter child
Hikari found herself standing in front of her apartment's door. She couldn't tell how long she had stood there, looking at the placard with the name "Yagami" written on it. She had heard her brother's voice inside but didn't enter. It was like all the energy she had in her body had been spent in the walk back to her home.
Suddenly, Taichi opened the door. He had a jeans jacket on and a nervous expression. The second he saw his sister, he grabbed her by the shoulders with his trembling hands.
"Where have you been?!" He nearly snapped at her. "I came home and found nobody! I tried to call Daisuke but the phone isn't connecting! I thought you had gotten worse and Mom and Dad had taken you to the hospital, but I didn't know which hospital it was! I was about to go looking for you without a clue-"
The moment he saw her tears, Taichi forgot about himself.
"Sorry!" He apologized. "I didn't want to make you cry. I was just really worried..." He rubbed his eyes, not allowing any tear to fall from them. "Where are Mom and Dad? And why were you outside when you're sick?"
When he put his right palm on her forehead, Taichi realized that she didn't have a fever. Instead, his sister' face was covered in cold sweat.
"I l-lied to you…" She confessed, among sobs. "I didn't want to go to the c-camp… but I didn't want to let you down… I-I'm sorry…"
"Hey, don't worry." Taichi said, gently pulling her to a hug. "You could've told me that you didn't want to go to the camp. I wouldn't have gotten mad at you or anything." He caressed her head with his right hand. "It's because Daisuke broke his arm and couldn't go with you? I didn't want to make you feel obliged to go, I just… I insisted because I thought you would make more friends…"
Hikari's sobs increased as she buried her face on his left shoulder. Her entire body was trembling with such intensity that Taichi was afraid she could have a convulsion.
"S-Stop crying, Hikari." He pleaded. "How about I do something tasty? Would you like that? I bet it'll make you feel better."
"I'm horrid!" The girl muttered. "I'm the worst… the worst…"
"Don't be ridiculous, you're the nicest person alive!" Taichi assured her. "You're sweet and kind and you're always thoughtful! Why are you beating yourself over something silly like that? I've faked sickness sometimes to avoid school tests! It's the kind of thing everybody does eventually!"
"You don't understand!" Hikari shouted, breaking the hug and taking a step away. She kept her eyes fixated on the floor.
"Hikari… did something happen?" Taichi murmured, fearfully. "Are you in trouble? I need you to tell me what's going on so I can help you!"
She looked up to him. His concerned face broke her heart. What was Hikari doing, making her brother worried like that? Taichi didn't need to know about what she was going through.
"Sorry, Onii-chan." She said, wiping her tears with the back of her left hand. "I was overreacting about something silly."
"Is that really true?" Taichi asked, doubtful.
"Mom and Dad went to visit Grandma because she wasn't well. They're stuck there and can't come home because of the snow. I went out to buy ice-cream." Hikari told him.
"Why did you take so long to return?" Taichi inquired.
"Someone needed my help." Hikari told him. Her brother didn't ask further questions.
"Always putting other people first. You're such a good girl." The boy said, sighing. The girl walked into the apartment, without looking at him.
"I'm a little tired. Is it okay if I take a nap?" Hikari asked, on the way to their bedroom.
"Of course it's okay!" Taichi assured her, turning around in time to see his sister entering the corridor. "Don't worry about anything when I'm around."
He found her sitting on a bench. At her back, a large glass window let the blinding sun light in. The intense heat should be too much for her. Nevertheless, Hikari waited for his arrival, watching the thick darkness that surrounded the luminous spot where she was.
"Did you get tired of the flower shop?" He asked, hidden in the shadows in front of her.
"You lied to me." The girl stated, holding the edges of the bench. "Everything, since the beginning…" She felt tears coming to her eyes but resisted the urge to cry. "You've been deceiving me from the start!"
"I've never lied to you, Hikari-san!" He made an affirmation. "Among all the living things from over 300 universes, you're the only one I've ever been completely honest with!"
"You never lied to me?" The girl said that with scorn, jumping from the bench and walking forward. The sun light illuminated the path ahead of her. Soon, his silhouette became distinguished from the shadows surrounding him. Hikari could almost discern his dark eyes looking at her. She stopped one step away from him and stared at the other with ferocity.
"You told me that you only had the best interests of the Digital World in mind!" She reminded him. "You told me that you were the greatest ally of the chosen children! That you wanted to make them stronger and help them in their mission!"
"All of that is true."
"NO! IT'S NOT!" Hikari roared. "If it was true, you wouldn't have taken Mimi-san's mother as hostage! You wouldn't have possessed Monzaemon and forced me-"
"I never forced you to do anything, Hikari-san!" He interrupted. "When I made Satoe-san faint and picked her up using Monzaemon's body and you approached me, telling me to stop, I told you that it was me in there and that I had no intention of causing her harm! I told you that I needed you to make Mimi-san and her partner meet me in the docks, and they would only come if they were afraid Monzaemon would hurt Satoe-san! You knew I had no bad intentions! Isn't that why you helped me?"
"I didn't know anything!" Hikari cried. "You gave me that paper and told me those things and then just walked away! I didn't have the chance to say anything back! I was too shocked! I had never expected you to do something like that, I couldn't trust you anymore! I couldn't trust that you would keep your word about not hurting her!"
She didn't care about stopping her tears anymore. Hikari expressed her pain in its fullest, not holding herself back any longer.
"I thought you were playing along." His voice sounded ashamed. "After all these years we've talked to each other, I thought you knew me well enough to understand that I had no bad intentions."
"You scared me!" Hikari stated in low voice. "What must Mimi-san have felt? How is she now?"
"Monzaemon was destroyed by Lilymon and Satoe-san has no memory from the second I made her faint to the moment when I left her body," he narrated. "Mimi-san is very shaken and upset right now but she'll recover soon. And she's going to be far stronger when she does."
"Do you think that justifies what you did?" Hikari inquired. "You don't have any right to be cruel to others, no matter how much you believe you're helping them by acting like that! I can't forgive you for what you did!"
He stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, before replying:
"In the end, you'll forgive me, even if moved simply by fear of solitude."
"You're not my only friend." The girl informed.
"But I'm your best one." The other said back. "And I dare to say that even after you meet Tailmon, you won't be as close to her as you are to me. To all the other people in your life, including your family, you only show the smiling nice girl who's seemingly incapable of feeling anger. You know I'm the only one you can show your true self to. That's heartbreaking and infuriating, but it's the sad truth you can't escape from, unless you start opening your heart to other people."
Hikari frowned, looking down. She embraced herself, trembling under the weight of her shame. The girl knew that he was right, but she couldn't accept what he was doing.
"I want you to leave the other chosen children in peace." She told him.
"I can't do that." He said. "I've planned too many things to help in their growth and they're already in motion. Vamdemon is already in the human world. I can't stop now."
Hikari looked up to him. Her eyes were filled with cold determination.
"If you don't do as I say, go find someone else you can confide to! I won't let you come back into my inner world unless you do as you're told!"
She could see his silhouette tremble and knew she had hit him in the right spot.
"You need me, Hikari-san." He didn't have much conviction in his voice.
"But you need me a lot more than I need you. That's been the basic truth of our friendship for the last four years, my friend." She affirmed. "Get out of here now! I don't want to see you anymore!"
"You can't do that!" The other shouted, stretching his arms in her direction. However his pale fingers hit an invisible wall surrounding the girl. "Hikari-san, let's talk this through! You're not being reasonable!"
"GET OUT!" She ordered one last time. The glass window broke itself behind her and engulfed everything in light.
Hikari woke up in her bed, feeling exhausted. The sound of the howling wind coming from the closed window caught her attention. The girl got on her feet and went to take a peek outside.
There was no part of the sky that wasn't covered by dark clouds.
Earlier that day, Koushiro and Motimon slowly approached the boy's apartment complex.
The child's large black backpack, where he carried his laptop and the clothes he had taken to the camp, was heavy. So was Motimon in his arms. However, the child knew that the weight he felt pulling him down had nothing to do with gravity. The boy already felt that right after returning to his world and it got worse whenever he looked at the snow below him.
"Are you thinking about Otae-han?" The digimon asked at one point, looking up to his friend. "What happened wasn't your fault."
"I know." Koushiro said in low voice. "It's not as if she would've been better off alone in that desert. At least she had the chance to reconnect with the people who were important to her."
"Too bad she had so little time for that." Motimon murmured.
"Otae-san had more than five thousand years to do something about that but she wasted that time chasing after illusions." The boy mumbled. "She was throwing her life away by hiding herself… and then had very little time to actually live."
The digimon looked down, disheartened by Koushiro's sad expression. Nevertheless, what the human said after that lifted the monster's spirit.
"I can't allow myself to end like her."
After arriving at his address, Koushiro went to one of the lateral walls of the building. He walked through a thick layer of snow and made his way to his bedroom's window. The boy slid the window open and placed his friend inside, over his desk.
"Your home's door is tiny, Koushiro-han." Motimon commented. The small creature took off the shirt that had been enveloping him on his partner's desk. The room where he found himself was very clean and organized. To Motimon's right, there was a tidy bed with a cardboard above it, where there were a few papers with notes stuck on it. Next to the bed, there was a medium-size wardrobe. At his left, not too far from the desk, there was a large wooden shelf filled with books of various sizes that completely covered the wall.
"That's actually my bedroom's window." The boy explained, in low voice. "If I walked with you through the front door, my mother would be too shocked."
"But you're going to introduce me to her, right?" Motimon inquired.
"Of course I will." Koushiro promised. "There are many things I want to talk to her about…"
"Like your adoption?" Motimon asked.
"Yes…" The boy confirmed.
"I was worried when you asked if it was a good idea to let your parents know about what had happened in the Digital World." The digimon told him. "I thought you were going to lie about me."
"I'll tell them what they need to know but not every detail." Koushiro murmured.
"Not every detail?" Motimon repeated, frowning. "You mean…"
"I have no intention of touching the subject of Fate." The boy explained. "It's not necessary for them to know about it… it doesn't have to be part of their lives."
"Is that going to be good for you, though?" The digimon was concerned.
"Fate is a thing of the past; I don't have to think about it anymore." Koushiro affirmed. "I need to move forward with my life."
"You still have me to talk about it if you need to." Motimon let him know.
"Thank you." The boy smiled at his friend. "But there won't be need for that. I'm fine now. Really."
"Ok, then…"
Koushiro slowly closed the window and walked away. Some of the snow accumulated on the ground touched the lower part of his legs, which his shorts didn't cover. Chills ran through his body as Koushiro hurried to enter the building.
He felt his heart sink as he paid more attention to the whiteness surrounding him. Years ago, snow was one of his favorite things in the world. Back before he had ruined so many things that used to bring him joy.
Koushiro wouldn't let that happen again. He wouldn't keep on setting traps for himself and destroying happiness over lies his mind fabricated. Instead, he had to live!
The boy knocked on his apartment's front door, before opening it. His mother was talking to someone on the phone. As soon as she saw him, she said goodbye to her friend.
"Was the camp canceled because of the snow?" The woman asked, showing him the warm smile that Koushiro hadn't realized how much he had missed. He nodded, keeping his eyes on his mother's face. She seemed more beautiful than before.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She questioned, worried.
"I missed you." He replied, smiling softly.
"It's been less than a day since you went to the camp." Yoshie said, hanging up the phone and dedicating all her attention to the boy.
"From my point of view, it was five days." Koushiro was surprised by his own bluntness. He wasn't supposed to talk about the Digital World before telling her that he knew about his adoption. But the former felt so much easier. He couldn't back down after starting it. "Perks of going to another world where time passes differently, I guess…"
"I don't understand what you're talking about." Yoshie told him, with a concerned expression.
"What I'm about to say will sound absurd but I swear it's all true. Please, believe in me." The boy pleaded.
"Of course I'm going to believe you." Yoshie promised. "How about we sit down and you explain everything from the beginning."
"Alright." Koushiro agreed. They sat at the wooden table where the Izumi family had their meals. The boy took off his coat and placed it on the chair where he sat. He left his backpack on the floor, close to the table.
"Ok, then. Alright." He exhaled a couple of times before beginning the narration. "Four other kids and I… I knew three of them already. There was Jyou-san, and Sora-san from the soccer club, and Mimi-san from my class. And Takeru-kun, that I didn't know before, but I yelled at him later… no, wait, I'm not explaining things right!"
"Calm down, dear." Yoshie attempted to soothe her son by placing her right hand over his left one.
"Ok." Koushiro said to himself, taking a deep breath. "So, there were those little machines that fell from the sky, the digivices." He took his digivice from the coat's pocket and placed it on the table, which made his mother intrigued. "They came from the sky after an aurora appeared. It shouldn't be possible for an aurora to be seen there. It also wasn't supposed to snow, but maybe those things were caused by the portal that Kanda-san opened to suck us to the Digital World. By the way, Kanda-san was a clone of one of the original chosen children. There were other three clones… there was Otae-san…" He lost track of his narration.
"… Digital World?" Yoshie asked.
"What? Oh, right!" Koushiro was brought back to reality. "That's a world made of data and inhabited by monsters. Each of us had a digimon partner that evolved to protect us from other monsters that wanted to kill us."
"Wanted to what…? Monsters?!" Yoshie questioned, getting increasingly paler.
"But we all made it back to our world! We're fine!" Koushiro hurried to say. "We're safe now! There's nothing to worry about! Everything turned out ok! We're fine! And Motimon is in my bedroom. He's my partner. He's a really nice monster and I like him a lot. He likes me as well and helped me many times." The child smiled. "He helped me to deal with some dark stuff… things that I had kept inside for too long and…"
Koushiro felt that he could no longer avoid the subject of his adoption. He had to be brave and face that challenge, in order to move on.
"Dear, could you start over? I don't understand what you're trying to tell me." Yoshie asked, scratching her forehead. "Are you using metaphors? Could you be clearer, please?"
Koushiro looked at her attentively and gathered all of his determination to let that one sentence out. The sentence he had locked inside for years, because of his fear that everything would change after he said it aloud. A decision that had made him change for the worse.
"I know that I'm adopted."
The silence that followed was the worst that the boy had ever experienced. His mother stared at him with wide open eyes and half opened mouth. She looked down for a few seconds and then looked up again. Still, she didn't muster a word.
"I overheard you and Father talking about it when I was seven years old." Koushiro informed, looking at the table. "I didn't know if I should bring it up… I… I thought I had to wait until you told me… I thought it wasn't my place… it wasn't right for me to…"
"You had started acting differently around that age." She commented in low voice. "You became overtly polite and less expressive. You stopped going out to play and spent more time locked in your bedroom. You wouldn't complain about anything anymore… I knew that was not how a kid would normally behave. I told Masami so many times… but he insisted that there was nothing wrong… we should've told you sooner!"
Koushiro looked up and saw his mother covering her face with both her hands, possibly crying.
"I'm sorry for keeping this from you!" She apologized. "You deserved to know everything about your real parents! We had no right to keep the truth from you! Even if Masami wanted to protect you… I'm so sorry, Koushiro!"
"It's okay! Please don't be like that!" The boy pleaded, not knowing what to do. "You have nothing to apologize for! You and Father have only ever been wonderful for me! I could never thank you enough for everything you've done for me!"
Yoshie uncovered her face and looked at her son. Two streams of tears were visible. The boy guessed that he had said something bad and a wave of guilt took him over.
"We never did you any favor." She affirmed. "Masami and I love you, Koushiro. You know that, right?"
"I… I know that…" Koushiro told her, looking down. "Of course I know…"
"Then, you should know that you don't have to thank us." Yoshie stated. "We should've done better... You deserved better parents than us."
"I don't want any parents other than the two of you!" Koushiro stated, standing up. "I never wanted other parents and I never will!"
"Why don't you allow yourself to be angry at us?" Yoshie inquired, sadly. "It's okay, dear. You're entitled to that."
"I don't have any reason to be angry at you! It wouldn't make sense for me to be!" The boy affirmed.
"Feelings don't have to make sense. They just have to be felt." She stated. "It's better for you to openly acknowledge the pain we caused than to create complicated metaphors about monsters that want to kill you."
Koushiro blinked, confused at his mother's statement.
"Those weren't metaphors. I really went to a world filled with monsters. And some of them wanted to kill me and my friends."
"Koushiro, honey, it's okay to say things directly. No matter how bad you feel about me, I can take it."
"But I told you, I mean, the digivice, what do you think…?" The boy picked the little machine up and gestured with it, but wasn't being successful in making himself be understood. There was only one way out of that situation. "Mother, please, come to my bedroom."
Yoshie didn't protest and followed him there. When the boy opened the door, they found Motimon sitting on the floor, seemingly waiting for his partner.
"Koushiro-han!" The digimon was happy to see the boy. "Is that…?" He pointed to Yoshie.
"Motimon, this is my mother, Izumi Yoshie. Mother, that is my digimon partner, Motimon." Koushiro introduced them to each other.
"Hello, Yoshie-han, it's a pleasure to meet you!" Motimon greeted.
"D-Don't call her like that, it's rude!" Koushiro asked, flustered. "If anything, call her Izumi-han!"
"But how would I address your other parent, then?" The digimon wondered.
"The same way." The child clarified.
"Wouldn't that be confusing?" Motimon asked.
"T-There's no other choice. I don't want you being impolite to my parents." Koushiro told him.
"That thing is talking…" Yoshie murmured. The other two looked at her and saw a terrified expression on her face.
"Mother, that's my friend Motimon, you don't have to be afraid of him." Koushiro tried to calm her down. "He's not one of the monsters that tried to kill me! He protected me from them!"
"I wasn't very competent at it, though." Motimon murmured.
"This is literally the worst time for you to be self-deprecating!" The child scolded the other. "What is Mother going to think?"
"You're the last person that can criticize me for that!" The digimon responded.
"I'm only trying to make things easier for my mother, but you're not helping very much." Koushiro sighed, crossing his arms.
"It's not like you gave me tips on how I should behave." Motimon pouted.
"Are you two… arguing?" Yoshie asked, surprised.
"N-No!" Koushiro quickly denied. "We weren't, I mean… were we really arguing…?"
"I don't think that was remotely serious enough to qualify as an argument." Motimon said.
"I haven't heard you talking to someone that way ever since you were a little kid." Yoshie told her son. "If you feel comfortable enough to complain to him, then he must be a good friend to you…"
"He's more than that!" Koushiro told her, glancing at his blushing partner on the floor. "Motimon is the best friend I've ever had!"
"Koushiro-han…" Motimon muttered, looking at his partner with tear brimmed eyes.
Yoshie kneeled on the floor and leaned her body in Motimon's direction. She smiled gently at him.
"I don't completely understand who you are but thank you for protecting my son and for being his friend."
"You don't have to…" Motimon gasped. "T-Thank you for your kindness."
Koushiro felt deep happiness as he observed the two of them. Suddenly, the telephone on his desk rang, startling the boy. He picked it up and heard Sora's voice at the other side.
"Hi, Koushiro-kun. How are you doing?"
"I'm fine. Great!" The boy replied, gleefully. "How about you?"
"I'm doing great too." She sounded happy. "There's something urgent that I need to tell you, though."
"Did something happen?" The boy asked, worried. He could feel the eyes of his mother and Motimon on him.
"Picodevimon is in our world." Sora spoke with gravity.
"What…?" Koushiro asked in a weak voice. "A-Are you sure?"
"What is it?" Yoshie questioned.
"What's wrong?" Motimon wanted to know.
"He was looking for something in the snow." Sora informed. "I retrieved a weird device he was using in his search."
Statics noises began to be heard on the line.
"Sora-san? Can you hear me?" Koushiro called, elevating his voice. "Sora-san?"
"Phone… crazy…" Sora's voice was getting cut. "park we practiced soccer… tomorrow morning at 9…"
The telephone became mute. The boy stared at it without saying anything for half a minute, before putting it back on its place.
"Koushiro, you seem scared." Yoshie said, approaching him. The child could see great concern in her eyes. "What did your friend say?"
"I think Sora-san wants us to meet tomorrow morning… I should tell Jyou-san right away…" Koushiro muttered.
"A meeting for what? What's going on?" Motimon inquired.
It might not even be the same Picodevimon... it could be just a lost digimon… yeah, maybe just a lost digimon trying to find its way back home… no reason to be alarmed… no reason to…
"Koushiro!" Yoshie's call brought him back from his thoughts. She looked into his eyes and ordered: "Tell me what's going on!"
"Sora-san saw a digimon but it might be nothing serious." He told her. "The call went down, so I don't know the details. But I'm sure we can deal with it."
"This is bad." Motimon sounded worried. "Why would other digimon come to this world?"
"It could be a lost digimon… and even if the Picodevimon is dangerous, we could deal-"
"Picodevimon?" Motimon paled. "The guy that almost killed Sora-han in Aurora Town?!"
"One of the monsters that want you and your friends dead is here?!" Yoshie was panicking.
"I don't know if it's the same one! It might not be! It might not be anything serious or dangerous! It might…" Koushiro interjected, only then realizing that his hands were shaking. He clenched his fists and headed to the door. "It's going to be fine… it's going to be fine…"
Motimon and Yoshie watched him leaving, exchanging worried glances.
Koushiro knocked on the door of the Kido family. Soon, Shuu opened it.
"Hey, you're the Izumi kid, right? I haven't seen you in ages!"
"You're one of Jyou-san's brothers…" Koushiro vaguely remembered seeing him a few times. "Is he here? I need to talk to Jyou-san."
"He's taking a nap." Gomamon informed, crawling to the door. "A Wizarmon psychically attacked him, looking for something in his mind."
"He was attacked by a digimon?!" Koushiro felt his heart skip a beat.
"Jyou is okay!" Gomamon tried to calm the boy down. "He broke free from Wizarmon's control. But that exhausted him, which is why he's taking a nap."
"What did you want to talk to Jyou about?" Shuu asked.
"Sora-san saw a Picodevimon and wants us to meet up tomorrow morning, in a park three blocks from here…" Koushiro delivered the message without paying too much attention to it. He felt his knees getting weak and sweat covering his forehead. It wasn't just a lost digimon. It couldn't be that. The logical conclusion was something far more grim.
"Do you think there's an invasion happening?" Gomamon asked.
"An invasion of digimon?!" Shuu asked, afraid. "That sounds dangerous! What should we do about it?"
"It's going to be fine…" Koushiro mumbled. "Almost all of our digimon can reach perfect level. It might be just a few digimon. We can work things out. We can get through this… it's going to be fine…"
"Of course it is!" Gomamon stated, confidently. "We're all strong and we're together! There's nothing to fear at all!"
"Yes…" Koushiro muttered, walking away. He quickly got to the stairs. His apartment was only two floors below but the distance felt much longer than it should. It was becoming harder to breathe and he had to stop and sit on the steps. He took the air in slowly, determined to calm himself down.
Don't be afraid! He commanded himself. Being afraid won't solve anything! I need to stay calm. I need to help my friends deal with this. They're going to need my help! I don't have the luxury of having fear paralyzing me!
He slapped both his cheeks at the same time. Nevertheless, he could still feel his heart pounding.
I need to calm down before telling Motimon… I need to… we can do this! We can win and then live the rest of our lives in peace! Everything is going to be alright! I can't let negativity win me over. I have to keep on going... I have to be stronger… I have to… I have to…
The last image he had of Otae appeared in his mind, ordering him to do the one thing she and the other original chosen children couldn't. If that request wasn't followed, then everything that had been done, everything that had been learned, every heartbreak, every sacrifice, every death… it would all be meaningless.
Koushiro had to persevere because he had to live.
When Koushiro returned to his apartment, he saw his mother putting dishes on the table and Motimon already having lunch, sitting on the table.
"Motimon-san was hungry. He couldn't wait for you." Yoshie explained.
"Sorry!" The digimon apologized between two spoons full of stew.
"It's okay." Koushiro said, smiling. He noticed that his white coat was on a hanger next to a wall. His backpack wasn't anywhere in sight, so he thought his mother must have taken it to his bedroom. He felt a little guilty for making her go through that work but didn't let it bother him too much. It wasn't that serious of a problem.
After washing his hands, the boy sat at the table to have lunch with his mother. Motimon was visibly stuffed and lay down on the wood to rest. Yoshie's food had always tasted wonderful, but that meal was especially exquisite, in a way Koushiro didn't remember being before.
"You took long to return. Did everything go well with Jyou-kun?" Yoshie asked.
"He was taking a nap. I talked to Gomamon and one of his brothers." Koushiro replied. "I told them about the reunion tomorrow."
"Was it necessary to take an hour and a half for that?" The woman inquired.
Did I stay away for that long? Koushiro wondered, paling. He had lost the sense of time while calming himself on the stairs. He didn't want to dwell on that subject, so he made up an excuse.
"I was looking at the snow."
That made his mother smile.
"You used to love playing in the snow when you were little." She reminisced.
"Yeah, you even called me 'Winter child,' remember that?" Koushiro asked, wandering through happy memories.
"About that…" Yoshie muttered, looking at her bowl. "There's still something I need to tell you. It'd be better if I showed you. Wait for me, okay?" She added, leaving the table.
Koushiro nodded, watching her walking away. Then, he focused his attention on his partner, who was almost sleeping. The boy stood up and picked Motimon up. He took the small creature to his bed and tucked him under the sheets.
"It was a long day." The boy murmured.
"For you too." Motimon said back, opening his eyes. "It's been a string of long days."
"Things ought to be better now, though."
"It's strange to hear you being optimistic like that." Motimon commented.
"I know better now." The child told him. "After everything I've learned, I can't keep on going down destructive thought patterns anymore."
Motimon looked at him with sad eyes.
"Koushiro-han, it's okay to still feel bad about those things."
"I'm not feeling bad about anything." The boy stated. "I'm fine."
"You went through a lot."
"And I've learned a lot. That's what I should focus on. That's what can make me better." Koushiro affirmed, turning his back to his friend and walking away. "The rest I can forget about."
Once he returned to the table, his mother was already waiting for him. Koushiro sat across from her and noticed a photograph in her hands.
"What's that?" The boy asked as he received the photo from her.
"It's from your parents' wedding." Yoshie explained. The photo showed a couple in traditional wedding clothes holding each other's arms. Yoshie appeared at the side of the bride and Masami next to the groom. There was a placard where it could be read "Yukimura-Fuyokawa wedding."
Koushiro recognized all the four people in the picture. He slowly placed the photo on the table and looked away. The redhead woman and the man with black hair looked exactly the same… just like the people who tried to take his life.
No. Those were tricks created by Fate. They weren't really his biological parents. There was no reason to fear the people in the photo. Still, his heart raced as he looked at them one more time.
"Your father's name was Yukimura Shunsui." Yoshie informed. "When his parents died, he went to live with Masami and his father, who were his distant relatives. Shunsui became a Mathematician and worked in Tokyo University. Your mother taught Physics there…"
Yukimura and Fuyokawa… their family names finally caught his attention. Koushiro looked at the words written on the wedding placard, wishing that they weren't written the way he imagined. But they were. Yukimura was written as Snowy Town. Fuyokawa was written as Winter River. Many things clicked in his mind while fond memories of a childhood nickname became something else.
"Winter child…" Koushiro mumbled. "You called me that because of them…"
"You are their child, after all. It's a relief to finally let you know." Yoshie told him. "You loved snow since you were little. I used to think that you somehow knew that the snow was a connection to your real parents… as if you could feel their love for you through it. Your parents loved you so much, Koushiro. So much… they shouldn't have died so young."
My real parents… my parents… she keeps calling them that. As if she didn't see herself as my mother. Koushiro felt his heart being torn to pieces.
"There are so many things I want to tell you about them!" Yoshie sounded excited. "Masami too! He has many stories about your real father. Some of them are quite funny."
"You don't need to tell me anything about them." Koushiro said, seriously, looking into her eyes. "You and Father are my real parents."
That statement made Yoshie's eyes become more humid and put a timid smile on her face. But soon she looked at her son with severity.
"Your real parents are important too. They were wonderful people and loved you with all their hearts."
"I don't doubt that." Koushiro said, lowering his eyes to stare at his hands. "But the two of you are my parents. You're my family. I don't need to know about other parents that aren't you."
"You've always wanted to know everything about anything." Yoshie affirmed. "You've been a curious child since I remember. I can't understand why you're behaving this way now."
"I'm just not interested in knowing about them. Is that such a bad thing?" Koushiro asked, flipping the photo on the table upside down, so he wouldn't have to look at those people anymore. "I don't want to know."
"That's disrespectful to them!" The woman stated. "They brought you into this world and loved you! They might be watching over you now!"
"Why are you insisting so much on this subject?" Koushiro inquired, looking at her. "Why do you want to force me to hear about them?"
"I've wanted to tell you about your parents since ever but Masami wouldn't let me! He was worried that the truth would disturb you. But now that you know, I can't let the opportunity pass! It wouldn't be right to your real parents!"
"Please, stop calling them that." The boy asked, once again looking down.
"But that's what they were!" Yoshie reiterated.
"Only biologically."
"Don't treat it as if it's not important!" The woman was losing her patience. "Have you ever stopped to think about how it is for a mother to carry her child in her womb for months? How it is to prepare for the arrival of her baby, imagining how that kid is going to be like, planning the rest of her life around this new person growing inside her, feeling the baby moving and kicking, responding to her voice… to her music…"
"What?" Koushiro was confused by the music reference. As far as he knew, Yoshie was the one who used to play violin. He looked up to his mother and saw thick tears accumulating in her wide open eyes and slowly dropping from them. "Mother? What's wrong?"
"Can you imagine that?" She continued, wiping the tears away. "To eagerly wait for your child to be born… imagining how he's going to be and then… he never made any sound…" More tears dropped from her eyes at the same time as her body started to tremble. "I never got to know him… or to play violin to him again… my Makoto…"
"Mother!" Koushiro called, leaving his seat and going to her side. He put his hands on her shoulders and made her face him. "Mother, what's the matter? What are you talking about?"
Yoshie blinked, taking notice of her surroundings again. She took both her hands to her cheeks and seemed surprised to find new tears there. The woman rubbed her eyes, quickly.
"As I was saying… you need to think about your parents' feelings." She added, suddenly standing up and trying to walk away. But Koushiro positioned himself in front of her.
"You weren't talking about my biological mother just now, were you?" He asked in low voice. "Were you talking about…? That Makoto you mentioned…?"
Yoshie looked at him with unspeakable pain, filling the boy with shame for daring to ask about those things.
There really wasn't any need to ask anything. The answers should be obvious. The reason for her to keep on referring to Yukimura and Fuyokawa as his parents, the reason for her to call him Winter child…
Yoshie didn't see herself as his mother, even if she loved him. For her, Koushiro was the child of the Winter, of the Mathematician and the Physicist, of the two people whose images and voices Fate had used to torture him.
Her real child was a baby who didn't get to live. Someone she had never gotten to know. And yet she loved him so much more than she loved Koushiro. That baby meant so much more to her.
Makoto was his parents' real son. A true Izumi. The only child of the Spring that could exist.
The phone rang, startling them both. Yoshie took the opportunity to evade the child, almost running to her bedroom. The boy soon heard a door being slammed in the direction his mother went. A few seconds later, he mechanically walked towards the ringing phone, which was on a table in the living room.
"Hello?" He said, after picking it up. The next pair of words escaped his lips without him thinking. "Izumi residence."
Their residence. Not his. Not really.
"If I give you my address, will you come over?" Mimi asked at the other side of the line.
"Mimi-san?" Koushiro was confused at her uncharacteristically sad tone of voice. "Is that you?"
"You felt Fate's presence last time. You know how…" Her voice was breaking. "… you know better than anyone… I need to talk to you…"
The boy nearly let the phone fall from his hand. Why was she talking about Fate? It couldn't be... it had to be some mistake!
"… What happened?"
When Koushiro came to himself, he was walking down a street, holding his white coat in his left hand. Confused, he looked around. There was nobody else. Cold wind felt like cutting through his bones. The sky was covered by dark clouds.
He slowly put on the coat he didn't remember picking up, looking down at the shorts he was still wearing and the snickers he had no memory of putting on. His gloveless hands were getting blue and stiff. He shouldn't have left the apartment like that. However, he knew that hadn't been a conscious decision.
Koushiro was heading to Mimi's apartment, he believed. He had heard her telling him the address at some point of that phone call. Like she told him about a scared child that had gone to her place and told her that Monzaemon had kidnapped her mother. And then, it wasn't Monzaemon at all, but Fate possessing both him and the woman. All that just so Fate could tell her that he had chosen them and molded their destinies. And that the Spirit existed in the snow.
Mimi was crying while narrating that… he thought so… Koushiro didn't remember anything else, as if his brain had shut down and solely his body could move. Mimi had asked him to go to her place but he didn't remember the reason. Something about him being able to sense Fate. Was he really able to do that?
He wasn't psychic. There should be nothing special about the boy that enabled him to know if the Spirit was nearby. He was sure that the times he had felt its presence were times when Fate wanted him to feel it.
His misery was nothing more than entertainment to a corrupted computer program. That was the reason for it all. Koushiro and his friends were Fate's toys. How foolish of him to think he could forget about that horror. He couldn't escape… he could never escape… there weren't bright sides nor paths to the future… the only future he had would be decided by Fate. It was pointless to try to rebel against it. He had no power over anything.
Nevertheless, he couldn't stop walking. It was a decision his body had made, totally detached from his consciousness. Despite the emptiness he felt, there must have been something left in him. Something illogical that hadn't given up. How long would it take until it did?
Soon, he was in front of Mimi's door. The placard of the Tachikawa family emanated happiness that he couldn't recognize. He knocked on the door; his cold fingers didn't feel the contact with that surface. Mimi opened it. Her hair was messy, her eyes were swollen and there were water stains on the sleeves of the pink robe she was wearing over her pajamas. She looked at him with surprise.
"I didn't think you were coming." She told him.
"You asked me to come."
"You began to cry after I finished telling you what had happened." Mimi recalled. "You repeated 'no, it's not possible, it can't be' and then hung up."
"I did that…?"
"You don't remember?" The girl asked, raising her eyebrows. "I don't remember details of some stuff I've done after going to the docks." She narrowed her eyes. "I should've known bringing up Fate would be hard for you. I didn't even think about your feelings… sorry…"
"I'm sorry about what happened to your mother. I can't imagine how it must be for the two of you…"
Mimi went outside, closing the door behind her. Then, she embraced the boy tightly.
"After our phone talk, I turned around and saw her standing there, crying." The girl let him know. "She swore on her life that it was really her. Mama is usually an uplifting person but when she cries, when she's really hurt…" She put more force on the hug. "Nobody could pretend to be her that well. Nobody could cry with that intensity… next thing I knew, we were crying together. Then, Papa came along and cried too. It's weird how doing that makes you feel lighter."
"You're feeling better, then?" Koushiro asked, debating on whether he should hug the girl back or not.
"I'm still a wreck." She acknowledged. "But it's less bad now."
She's really a strong person. Koushiro thought, ashamed of his weakness. It had been so easy for him to fall back in despair, and that after he had decided to be better. Why couldn't he be more like her?
"Do you want me to take a look at your mother?" He asked. "I'm not sure if Fate would let me know if there was something wrong, though."
"It's okay now, thanks." She said. "I was being paranoid. I can't let that creature do that to me anymore..."
"I'm really sorry…"
"That thing has no right to treat us like chess pieces." The girl affirmed. "It has no right to play with lives like that. We need to stop Fate!"
"How can we stop something that determines our future?" Koushiro voiced his hopelessness.
"That thing might manipulate us but we're still the ones making our decisions." She said. "I want to believe that we can still do something… we can't let that machine do as it pleases! I want to fight it!"
The boy gently held her by the arms and broke the hug. He looked at her face and saw determination growing in her eyes.
"I helped to create that thing." Koushiro murmured. "Because of me…"
"It was a different you from another universe! It's not your fault!" Mimi slightly raised her voice. "Besides, that Wisemon guy did most of the work, right?"
"Wisemon…" Koushiro muttered, gathering his thoughts. "A version of me created Fate along with Wisemon... AH!"
"What?!" Mimi asked, startled.
"I'm such an idiot! How haven't I thought about that before?!" Koushiro was almost shouting, showing a large grin. "Wisemon was the mastermind behind Fate! He must know everything that there is to know about it! With that knowledge, we might be able to figure out a way to stop that thing!"
"Then… we have to go back to the Digital World…?" Mimi asked, showing a sad smile.
"Yes… I'm sorry." Koushiro apologized.
"Hey, I just said that I wanted to fight. Don't go on feeling bad for me!" She told him. "I should've known that we wouldn't have peace if we let things unfinished there but I wanted to believe that it was all over anyway. Now, look at what happened…"
"I wanted to believe too." The boy admitted. "When I heard that Sora-san and Jyou-san had encountered digimon, I didn't want to believe it was something to worry about. Of course it was…"
"Jyou-san and Sora-san met digimon?" Mimi inquired concerned. "Are they alright?"
"Yes, they are." Koushiro calmed her down. "Sora-san wants us to meet tomorrow morning, at 9, in a park five blocks from here, so we could discuss the situation."
"I guess Takeru-kun will be happy to know that we're going back to the Digital World." Mimi commented.
"We still need to figure out how to do that, though. Maybe the digivices could give us a clue…"
"If it's up to you, you'll certainly find a way." Mimi assured him. "You saved us with only 10% of chance of success…"
The girl frowned and Koushiro imagined what should be going through her mind. He had been able to save them but the adults died along with the invading army. There was nothing he could have done for them.
Suddenly, the melody of a violin filled his ears.
"What's this music?" Koushiro asked, turning his back to Mimi and focusing his attention at the snowflakes that had begun to fall outside the building.
"What music?" The girl asked.
"It's coming from the snow… the violin…" He told her. "Can't you listen to it?"
"No." Mimi replied. "Wait. The snow?" She asked, fearfully. "Does Fate have anything to do with it? Why would it make you listen to a violin?"
"No…" Koushiro muttered, horrified. "My mother… it must've done something to her!"
Koushiro ran from there in high speed, before Mimi could react.
Yoshie had secluded herself in her bedroom. From the depths of her wardrobe, she took out the violin case she hadn't seen since they had moved to Odaiba. Sat on the bed, she embraced the object.
The last time she had played that violin, she was expecting her son to be born. But he came to the world in silence and she vowed to never play that instrument again. Her son would be the last person to listen to her music.
Yoshie believed that her loss would remain as an open wound forever and that gave her solace. For as long as it hurt, she would remember her child. If she ever forgot him, what would remain of Makoto?
Her husband had recovered so quickly. When Shunsui and his wife died, it was Masami's idea to adopt that baby. Yoshie protested, but there was no other choice. The family of Koushiro's mother was too torn by the loss of the woman to be able to take care of him. Yoshie couldn't let that innocent baby go to an orphanage.
She didn't want to love him but it happened anyway. His smiles, his laughs, his voice… that baby made new melodies to be born in her heart. Of course Masami would suggest that she play the violin to Koushiro. But she couldn't.
Wouldn't that be a betrayal to her son?
Wasn't her growing love for the Winter child already a betrayal, though?
He isn't mine. She reminded herself, whenever Koushiro made her too happy. He had other parents who loved him deeply. I had my son. Koushiro is not really mine.
It became harder and harder for her to believe in that. Little by little, that kid with bright red hair pulled her out of the abyss she had jumped into a long time ago. Koushiro became her happiness, her whole life.
That made her feel so guilty.
She had no right to steal the affection Koushiro should have for his real parents.
However, whenever he called her "mother"… it made her indescribably happy. When he said that she and Masami were his real parents, Yoshie had the urge to leave all her remaining pain behind definitively. She wanted to fully accept Koushiro, to embrace her love for him, to truly reclaim him as her child.
But wouldn't that be the same as forgetting her son?
She couldn't forget Makoto. He existed nowhere else but in her heart. If she let him go, he would disappear forever. He would definitely vanish from the world, as if he had never existed. As if her love for him hadn't been real.
"Koushiro-han, where are you?"
Motimon's voice came from outside the bedroom. Yoshie stood up from her bed, opened the door and followed the voice. She found the monster at the living room, looking behind the sofa.
Yoshie didn't notice that she was still holding the case, protectively.
"Did Koushiro go out?" She asked.
"I was sleeping and didn't see him leaving. Do you know where he went?"
"No…" Yoshie mumbled. Could he have left because of the conversation they had? Did she upset him because of her insistence on talking about his parents?
"Did something happen between the two of you?" Motimon asked. "Koushiro-han wouldn't go out without me knowing that there are digimon outside, unless he was really emotionally distressed."
"I wanted to tell him about his real parents but he didn't want to hear." Yoshie told him.
"His real parents?" Motimon asked, frowning. "Do you mean the biological ones?"
"You know, then." She whispered, holding the violin case with more force against her chest. "You know that I'm not his real mother."
"Of course you are his real mother! What nonsense are you talking about?!" Motimon sounded angry. Right after saying that, he paled. "Wait… you didn't say that to him, did you?"
"I was just stating the obvious, really." Yoshie said. "I don't get why he was upset when I referred to them as his real parents. That's what they were."
Motimon stared at her, astonished.
"Koushiro-han didn't tell you anything that mattered, did he?" He asked, seriously. "He didn't tell you how much he suffered thinking that you didn't love him for real, that you two were nothing more than good people that had taken him in out of pity!"
"He thought that?" Yoshie questioned, alarmed. "He thought that we didn't… b-but he said that he knew that we loved him! He said…"
Horror engulfed her as she started to realize the effect that her words must've had on Koushiro. If he was unsure about her love for him, how must have sounded to him her insistence on calling other people his real parents? How must have he felt when she mentioned Makoto?
Worse than that, if Koushiro wasn't sure that she loved him, didn't that mean that she hadn't expressed that love correctly over the years? Despite always treating him well, she forced herself to keep a distance from him that she thought he wouldn't notice. She did that out of respect for his parents and her son. She forcibly reminded herself that he wasn't hers, to the point of calling him Winter child…
She let her arms fall by the sides of her body. The case hit the ground and opened itself, revealing the violin.
"I made him feel rejected…" She said, letting thick tears drop from her eyes. "I made my son feel…"
Her son! Of course Koushiro was her son! He was the child she had taken care of! He was the child she had seen grow! He was the person she loved above anyone else in the world! Yet, she had hurt him so deeply. She had placed the feelings of dead people above his own. Because of the pain she wanted to cultivate, because of what she didn't want to forget… what had she done to him?
"What's this thing?" Motimon asked, pointing to the violin on the floor. Yoshie picked it up and looked at it.
Just a piece of wood with strings attached to it. Nothing special. Nothing impressive. Her refusal to play it for so long, her refusal to play it for her child, now seemed so ridiculous.
Stupid.
Cruel.
Without a word, Yoshie placed the violin on her left shoulder while sustaining it with her left hand. With the bow in her right hand, she touched the strings for the first time in almost a decade.
A sad melody echoed.
"The third question is 'how many seconds of time are there in eternity?'"
Koushiro opened his eyes and found darkness surrounding him. Faint red light came from his left. There was a digital watch there, marking the time: 23:58.
"Two minutes to midnight…" The boy murmured, moving in the futon. He remembered heading home while the wind blew more snowflakes at greater speed. Suddenly, he saw someone… he didn't remember who.
He heard steps coming into the dark room.
"Who's there?" Koushiro asked, afraid. The other person switched the lights on, forcing the boy to blink. When he reopened his eyes, he couldn't hide his shock.
He was in a bedroom that looked very much like his own except there were two futons on the floor where his bed used to be. The boy couldn't focus on any more details because the person standing by the open door was someone he recognized immediately.
The boy with curly dark hair and light brown eyes that Koushiro had seen for the first time in the well and for the second time in Raven's Canyon was standing a few meters away from him, wearing yellow pajamas.
"Did my wandering around the place wake you up, Kou? Sorry about that." The other spoke in an apologetic tone.
"Fate!" Koushiro shrieked, standing up. He quickly noticed that he was taller than he should be. The boy looked down and saw longer legs and arms partially hidden by white pajamas.
"I'm… older…" Koushiro murmured, perplexed.
"You'll only get older in January 29th and you know that." The other smirked. "Until then, enjoy being 14 years old."
"What's happening here?! What did you do to me?!" The redhead inquired, stepping back until he stomped on a desk behind him. "Where am I?! What's this place?!"
"It's just our bedroom, Kou! Why are you getting so worked up?"
"What kind of trap is this, Fate?" Koushiro questioned, shaking. "What are you planning?"
"Why do you keep on calling me that? It's a really weird nickname." The other asked. "I'd rather you keep on calling me 'Onii-san.' Maybe 'Onii-chan,' someday, if you ever feel like it."
"What…?" Koushiro asked. "Why would I ever call you that, you demon?!"
"Because I'm your big brother, obviously."
"My… what…?" Koushiro felt that his legs would give in to his weight at any second.
The other smiled immensely at him, before replying:
"Your one and only brother: Izumi Makoto."
Thank you for the reviews!
In case I haven't mentioned before, "Izumi" means "Spring." That's why Koushiro called Makoto "child of the Spring."