"I did nothing wrong, Hikari-san."
The voice resonated in a vast chamber whose ceiling had once been used to see universes dancing, ever so slowly, but now all that was there was darkness.
"I was projected to be a logical and flawless security system for the Digital World. To see the great structures, the paths that need to be taken. What I do might seem cruel in the perspective of finite beings. But everything I do serves a greater purpose."
"If you apologized, you wouldn't be in this deplorable mental state." She told him. "You had already been rough to Jyou-san that time. Mimi-san is even more sensitive than him. You shook her pretty badly."
"I had to act that way in order to achieve the results I wanted. Jyou-san wouldn't have earned his crest without my help. Mimi-san and her partner will certainly unlock the ultimate evolution thanks to what I'm putting them through. I must be what I have to be."
"You go to great lengths to convince yourself of those truths but you know that you're not really that logical. There's a lot of pain in you. And anger."
"Bugs that can be fixed."
"With the help of the real Hikari, right?" She asked. "If that day arrives and you get fixed, will you finally stop punishing Izumi Koushiro?"
Her piercing question provoked heavy snow to descend upon them.
"Izumi Koushiro is the reason why I'm not perfect like I was supposed to be. He was the one who damaged my programming and infected me with those glitches. He's responsible for everything."
"In all those universes, Izumi Koushiro has always been integral to the success of the chosen children. The logical thing to do for the good of the Digital World was to secure his safety and prolong his life. What did you do instead? What are you still doing to him?"
"He is deplorable! Weak! In need of betterment! I do give him opportunities to become something less despicable. But if he can't be fixed, he must be discarded. That's the rational thing to do."
"There's nothing rational in that and you know it." She contested. "You can't defeat the urge to destroy him if you insist on denying the truth of your feelings."
"I am nothing but ones and zeros. A not living thing that continues to exist until it inevitably rusts and rots away. The undeniable truth of existence is that, some day, everything will end and be forgotten. All there's left for me is to serve my purpose before it happens."
"But there are things that will never end." She told him. "Trillions of years later, you can still feel that pain. It's eating you from the inside and you can't hide it. Hikari's rejection was too great of a blow for you to handle. You are falling apart."
"Those residual glitches will inevitably end as well. Determination gets lost… promises get broken... if even diamond is worn away, given enough time, what to say of lesser things like these? Feeble emotions can't be eternal. Nothing is."
"Love is." She affirmed. "It's eternal and invincible. It can surpass time, space and even reality. No matter how hard you try to run and hide from it, it always finds you and reaches you. Nobody can get rid of love. Not really. Not ever."
"Tell me the story of the shepherd boy again."
"You already know every word and comma of that tale."
"Tell me it again and then dare to repeat that nonsense! Dare to repeat that there's something eternal in the world!"
"You insist on misunderstanding that story."
"You're not the real Hikari-san!" The temperature dropped so much that ice was forming on the floor. "You're just a simulation of her that I created! In the end, you are just a part of me, like those other two! So don't act as if you could possibly be more knowledgeable than me! You and I are one and the same! And I can delete you whenever I feel like it!"
"Alright, then. I'll tell you that story." She conceded. "Who knows? Maybe this time it could change something."
As she opened her mouth to begin the narration, the sound of a violin invaded that place and swept everything. Feelings that could not be contained, sentiments that could not be blocked, flooded and disturbed all in their way.
Chapter 30: The end of all things
"That was a very beautiful song." Motimon commented when Yoshie stopped playing the violin and sat on the sofa.
"Concerto in D major, by Tchaikovsky." She murmured, looking at the instrument on her lap instead of the digimon on the floor. "It used to be one of my favorites."
"Would you play it for Koushiro-han?"
"Do you think he would like that?" Yoshie asked. "I don't know how he would feel about it. Now that he knows that I used to play to my first child, if I played to him, would Koushiro think I'm trying to use him to replace my son? I don't want to hurt him further but I don't know how to avoid it... Koushiro has always been too good… he never complained… I don't know what can hurt him. I don't know what he's afraid of; he never talks about those things."
"Koushiro-han is a complicated person." Motimon told her, looking at the floor. "Among my friends, I was the one who took the longest time to start understanding my partner. And I'm still only scratching the surface. He's very negative and demands too much from himself. He puts more value in what he can do for others than he does about his well being. Koushiro-han has difficulty in seeing his good sides. He's too forgiving of people who hurt him… people who deserved his anger..." Motimon frowned. "He's hardworking to a dangerous degree. He's awkward and doesn't have a lot of faith in his ability to emotionally connect with others, which is a shame. He frequently puts himself down and blames himself for things that he shouldn't. Koushiro-han is kind and sweet but he wouldn't believe it no matter how many people told him that. That's because he is the only person he's capable of hating."
When Motimon looked up again, he noticed Yoshie's eyes locked on him. There were no signs of shock in them.
"Whenever I mentioned those traits to Masami, he wouldn't believe it. I think a part of me wanted to agree with him… it hurt less." The woman said. "It's strange, you know? I've been holding on the pain of losing a child I never got to know for so long. But at the same time I've been afraid of the pain caused by truly getting to know the child I've raised."
Motimon took some time to reply.
"When I first tried to get to know Koushiro-han, my actions hurt him terribly." The digimon confessed. "I put him in danger and couldn't protect him afterwards. I couldn't do a damn thing to take care of him. I felt so useless… incompetent… terrified of what could happen to him… especially after a nightmare I had…" He lowered his voice, recalling that haunting memory. The boy you fight so much to protect will bring himself his own end. "I got to a point where I didn't want to acknowledge how deep his problems were. I wanted to believe that everything was well and that almost cost his life!" Motimon shrieked.
When Fate had possessed Koushiro in the well, at first the digimon had not even noticed the difference. When that thing looked at him with those sad eyes, Koushiro's eyes, and told him 'I'm glad to see you again' the monster didn't think he was talking to anyone but his partner. He failed to notice that his partner needed help and then, when Koushiro told him what had happened, he refused to accept the truth, allowing fear to take full control of him.
"Koushiro-han shouldn't have forgiven me so easily!" He cried. "I wish he had gotten angry at me!"
Yoshie studied his small trembling body.
"Do you know what I think is going to happen when he comes home?" She asked, seriously. "He's going to make up some weak excuse for leaving without telling anyone. When I ask him, he's going to say that he's fine and that I shouldn't worry about anything. I can already see it all happening. I can see even the forced smile on his face while he proceeds to be the wonderful son everybody praises me for!" Small tears appeared in her eyes. "I wish that, at least once, he could be a bad kid. That he could be selfish! I wish that he could shout at me all the things that I deserve to hear, all the things that he needs to say! I want him to fully feel all the anger and sadness that have been building up in him for years! I want him to throw a tantrum, without a care in the world!"
She clenched her fists on the borders of the violin on her lap while tears rolled down her face.
"If I told him that, he would apologize to me!" Yoshie added, in frustration. "He would find a way to feel guilty about it!"
"You and Koushiro-han love each other deeply." Motimon said. "But both of you are terrible at communicating your feelings with words."
"I know that."
"But when you played the violin, I could feel…" The digimon had some difficulty in finding the right words. "It was like you were showing me your whole heart through music. It was very intense… I don't know how to explain all those things that I felt but if Koushiro-han could listen to you playing the violin, I'm sure that, even if he couldn't understand everything, he would feel it too."
"Feel it…?" Yoshie wondered. However, there was no time to go deeper on the subject. Her husband's voice came from the apartment's front door.
"YOSHIE, OPEN THE DOOR, QUICKLY! KOUSHIRO… KOUSHIRO IS…"
The woman pushed the violin to the side and almost jumped from the sofa. When she got to the door and opened it, Masami rapidly entered the apartment, holding an unconscious Koushiro on his arms.
Izumi Makoto.
Once faced with indescribable cruelty, a strange feeling awoke in Koushiro. Surreal calmness, almost paralysis, slowed down the world, allowing all his thoughts to click together.
Child of the Spring.
Since that time in the well, when he saw the person he could never become.
Fate must have known since the beginning. About that person, about his parents, even about the snow. How much fun must that thing have had, preparing all those details, for such long time? And now it could see it all come together in the present reality where it had imprisoned the boy.
"Are you upset, Kou? Do you want to talk?" Makoto asked, gently. The concerned look on his face seemed so genuine and so painfully similar to hers.
The truth of his predicament revealed itself to him.
Fate wants to break me. Koushiro concluded. It wants to see me snap, to see me cry, to lose all control over my emotions.
Like it had done evoking the images of Yukimura and Fuyokawa and making them tell their child to die and reunite with them. His real parents.
Fate had played him good. Back then, Koushiro was so close to…
But that thing should know that Koushiro wouldn't be deceived again. The child's early outburst should be proof enough. Nevertheless, it continued the farce. Makoto had approached him and was now touching his left arm in a reassuring way.
"I worry so much about you, little brother." Makoto looked at him sadly. "I get really worried when you keep things for yourself. You know that you can trust me with anything, right?"
Koushiro was disgusted by those blatant lies but hid it. Fate must want me to call out on this farce and demand the truth. It's provoking me! But I won't give what it wants!
To do as that thing wanted would probably bring things to a quicker end. But he couldn't do it. That creature had toyed with his deepest fears and taken advantage of his anxieties. Fate had gotten dangerously close to driving him to a path of no return. All of it for the sake of a test. The Spirit of the World had turned his life into Hell and was willing to let him die only to see if he was minimally qualified to be a chosen child.
To allow himself to relive the humiliation of being Fate's puppet was such an unbearable thought that Koushiro believed that he could die of dread.
He forbade himself to play by Fate's rules.
I'll figure out what it wants by my own. I'll find my way out of here. I won't be broken. I won't be played with.
"Kou, say something. Please."
I won't shed even a single tear.
"Ah! I had such a weird dream!" Koushiro suddenly said, forcing a laugh. "Sorry for worrying you like that, Onii-san!"
Makoto took a step back, while staring at him with shock. Koushiro felt a bit of pride. Didn't see that coming, did you?
The older boy stared at him, astonished.
"You know who I am..." Makoto commented in low voice. "It had never been this fast..."
"Are you surprised?" Koushiro tried to imprint an innocent tone to his voice. "Is there something upsetting you, perhaps? You know you can trust me with anything, right?"
Makoto was visibly puzzled but soon a little smile appeared on his lips.
"You seem well." He said as the smile grew. "I'm glad!"
That show of happiness and gratitude, perhaps also relief, made Koushiro uneasy. Not only did he clearly see the joy he knew from the faces of the two people he loved the most spread on Makoto's face, but he couldn't see anything wrong with that. There wasn't even a small sign of deception or malevolence there. How easy would it be to believe that he was being sincere. The love irradiating from him was almost tangible.
It's a trap. Koushiro reminded himself. It has to be… don't fall for it!
"Koushiro-han?"
The boy turned to where the wardrobe was and saw Tentomon opening the doors from the inside.
"I heard you talking. You sounded so lively!" The digimon added, happily, and flew to where Koushiro was.
Even Tentomon… to use even him to hurt me… Koushiro thought, astonished. That was an evil act different from the ones he had experienced, but similar to what Mimi had gone through. Coming in his direction wasn't a representation of someone he had never the chance to know in person. That was his partner! His best friend! The first friend to whom he had opened his heart!
Koushiro couldn't bring himself to stop Tentomon from hugging him tightly, the way the ladybug used to do in his real life. Lost in the feeling of being embraced by those arms, the resolution to resist that trap and fight Fate was weakening.
"I can hear Koushiro-han's heartbeat!" Tentomon spoke in shock, suddenly.
"What?!" Makoto gasped, heading straight to Koushiro in large steps. The smaller boy was taken aback by the unexpected change in behavior of the older one. Gone was the kindness and gentleness. As Makoto unceremoniously grabbed Koushiro's right arm and checked his pulse, his brown eyes widened and his mouth opened. He looked from the arm to the younger boy's face, as if he was witnessing a miracle. From his open mouth, a chuckle escaped, followed by a sniff of his nose. Makoto attempted to smile and his eyes became flooded with tears. The hand holding Koushiro's arm lost grip of it, which enabled the redhead to break free. He didn't try to escape, though. Instead, he observed the other, bewildered, unable to even try to make sense of that reaction.
"You're alive, Kou…" Makoto whispered, shedding happy tears. "He didn't kill you! He didn't kill you and he didn't break your mind!"
"That means that we can still save this Koushiro-han!" Tentomon stated, letting go of the redhead and taking flight, in order to better look at his face. "We can save him from the Spirit! We can stop that from happening to this one!"
"The Spirit…?" Koushiro repeated, slowly. "The Spirit of the World? Fate?"
"Also known as Homeostasis… among other names…" Makoto muttered, bracing himself.
"It doesn't know that you're here." Tentomon said. "If it knew, you would already…"
"Of course it knows I'm here! Fate was the one that brought me here!" Koushiro affirmed.
"You remember coming here?" Makoto asked, surprised. "None of the others… wait a second!" He showed an annoyed expression. "Were you tricking me by pretending that you had already integrated environmental memories? Why would you do that?"
"E-Environmental memories?" Koushiro was confused. "You thought I was going to absorb memories by osmosis or something?!"
"That's what usually happens." Tentomon remarked. "It was like that with all the others that came before."
"What usually happens?! Others?! What's going on here?!" Koushiro inquired, getting agitated.
Makoto and Tentomon exchanged looks; then, they devoted their entire attention to him.
"Do you remember how you got here?" Makoto questioned, gently.
"What is this place?" Koushiro replied with another question. "Who are you? What do you have to do with Fate?"
"You need to trust us, Koushiro-han! We want to help you!"
"Don't tell me what to do before explaining me what's happening!" Koushiro nearly shouted, feeling all the accumulated stress eating him from the inside out. The uncertainty of his situation felt suffocating.
"Alright." Makoto tried to sound reassuring. "Calm down, please. We'll tell you everything you need to know. It'll be hard to believe…"
"I'm very open-minded." The other boy spoke in a defiant tone.
"Makoto-han and I are computer simulations based on memories of a Makoto-han and a Tentomon that existed for real." Tentomon explained.
"Computer simulations?" Koushiro murmured. "Is this the Digital World?"
"It's not the Digital World." Makoto denied. "We are part of…" he hesitated, "… a massive computer program that was created to act as a security system for digital worlds across several universes. A computer program developed by a certain perfect level digimon in a different universe…"
"You can't mean…" Koushiro felt a cold sensation in his insides that quickly spread through his body. He had heard that story from Wisemon and later had Jyou complement it. "This place… is this inside of Fate?!"
"Well… yes." Makoto confirmed. "Your consciousness… or soul, whatever you like to call it… it was uploaded here. But I don't really understand how it happened with you still alive. I didn't know this was even possible."
"You thought I was dead…" Koushiro recalled. "And you said that things had been different with the others. Who were these others? Am I not the first one whose mind Fate abducted? Did those other people… did Fate kill them all?"
Makoto looked down, slightly shaking. Tentomon landed on the floor, not taking his eyes from the redhead boy.
"It's complicated…" The digimon muttered.
"The Spirit of the World tried really hard not to do that." Makoto said, enlacing his fingers. "It tried to be rational… in some universes, it even succeeded in not doing that. But… it's difficult to resist that urge. After they die… their souls are brought here and… things are done to them…" Makoto's voice was getting weak and his hands were shaking. "We, the simulations, can't stop that but we try to comfort what remains of them… we try to give them some joy before they disappear…"
"When they get to this level of the program, they barely remember who they used to be…" Tentomon added. "We try to fill some of those holes. This sub-conscious subroutine feeds them manufactured memories, so they can have some peace before the end."
"You thought I was one of those people Fate killed." Koushiro was starting to understand. "But… you called me by my name. This place… the two of you… it felt prepared specifically for me. Did you read my mind to know that…? But if you had read my mind, you wouldn't have been surprised…" A horrible feeling took a hold of his heart. "The people that Fate killed… the ones that came before me and were treated by you…?" Thick tears accumulated in his eyes as his entire body shivered. The inevitable conclusion crushed him.
"They were you, Koushiro-han." Tentomon confirmed the boy's fears. "In many different universes, Fate murdered you and, not satisfied with that, it broke your spirit… i-it…" The digimon sobbed. "We're sorry we couldn't protect you! W-We're so sorry, Koushiro-han!"
His knees gave in to his weight and Koushiro fell. His trembling arms sustained him as he stared at the close floor. Maybe he should have been more shocked by that revelation but it made too much sense. Fate had always been crueler to him than to the other chosen children, despite using the excuse of helping them all. That creature had terrorized him, tortured him, tried to convince him that he wanted to die, nearly drowned him, shove him into an abyss! What it had done to Jyou, Mimi and the girl's mother felt so small in comparison. Yes, Fate had possessed the woman but, from what Mimi had told him in the phone call, her mother wasn't even aware of what had happened until the girl told her. What did Fate put his friends through? It made them feel guilty and conflicted, but Fate never physically hurt them or psychologically abused them to the same extent it had done to him! He knew that he would eventually regret those selfish thoughts but couldn't stop them now. They had overtaken his mind.
"The Spirit of the World hates me… it hates me so much…" Koushiro muttered, terrified. "Fate wants me dead… it killed me before… it killed so many times. It's going to kill me again! I'm going to die again, aren't I?!"
"We won't let that happen!" Makoto swore, kneeling next to Koushiro and carefully holding his face, making the smaller boy look at him.
"We are going to protect you this time, Koushiro-han!" Tentomon vowed.
"BUT YOU'RE PART OF THIS TRAP!" Koushiro accused, crawling back, away from them. "You admitted it yourselves! Fate created you! You exist inside it! You're part of it!"
"We weren't created to torment you." Tentomon told him. "We were created trillions of years ago because the Spirit was lonely!"
"Think of us as sophisticated imaginary friends, with a certain level of free will." Makoto suggested.
"Do you think I'm going to believe in that?! Seriously?!" Koushiro shouted. "Why would Fate make simulations of the two of you?! Why did it pick my parents' dead son and Tentomon?! It's nonsensical!"
The tears that fell from his eyes felt like they were burning him. To think he had vowed not to shed a single tear… how ridiculous! Of course Koushiro wouldn't be able to stand a chance against Fate! As always, it had been absurdly easy for that thing to break him! Fate might have been able to do that simply by telling him the truth or at least a significant part of it. It made sense that the Spirit of the World really wanted him dead. That explained everything! But for what reason? Wisemon had said that Fate was flawed. Was it defective because of Koushiro? Was that why it loathed the boy to such an extent?
The sound of a door being opened, a few meters away, startled Makoto and Tentomon.
"Is she here already?" The digimon asked.
"She must have sensed him." Makoto theorized.
Soon, at the open door of the bedroom, a girl who seemed to be around twelve years old arrived. She was wearing black boots, thick jeans pants and a long dark pink coat. Her short brown hair was bright, not unlike her eyes.
Her image triggered flashes of Koushiro's memory. He had seen her before going to that place. She had talked to him! Was she a simulation too? Was that why she looked older than the girl he had seen a few times in his real life?
Several other questions raced through his mind as he remembered what had happened. He couldn't look away from the sad smile she sustained.
Always recognizable, no matter what version of Yagami Hikari stood in front of him.
Before being trapped in that strange place, Koushiro had been stubbornly making his way through the snow, struggling not to let the fierce wind knock him down. The falling snowflakes and the dark sky made it hard for the boy to see the path ahead of him. As he continued to walk, the music became clearer and louder. He could have been lost but the sound of the violin had guided him to his apartment complex.
The melody filled him with sadness and regret. Every note evoked the memory of his mother crying. He was responsible for that. His insistence in not listening to her led her to remember sad things. Why was she playing the violin now when he had never listened to her doing that? Was she thinking about the son she should have had? If Koushiro could hear the music resonating in the snow, didn't that mean that Fate was doing something to her?
His heart skipped a beat when he imagined what Fate could be doing to his mother. What if that thing was making her see her deceased child and that was why she was playing that instrument? What if that child was asking her to be with him?
No! Please, no! Koushiro muffled an anguished cry. The mere thought of his mother dying was too unbearable to him. If that happened, he couldn't even imagine his reaction. Mimi's determined words came to his mind. He would definitely find a way to destroy that loathsome computer program. He would put an end to it and stop it from ever hurting anyone else!
About ten meters away from the apartment complex, a voice behind him caught his attention.
"There was once upon a time a shepherd boy whose fame spread far and wide because of the wise answers which he gave to every question."
Koushiro turned around and saw a girl with short brown hair, wearing a dark pink coat. Her smiling face wasn't strange to him. But that face belonged to a second-grader, not to someone who seemed to be slightly older than him.
"Hikari-san…?" He asked, astonished. "H-How can you…?"
"The King of the country heard of it likewise, but did not believe it, and sent for the boy. Then he said to him, 'if you can give me an answer to three questions which I will ask you, I will look on you as my own child, and you shall dwell with me in my royal palace.'" She continued, as if she wasn't listening to him. Nevertheless, her kind eyes were locked to his. Unlike the Yagami Hikari he had seen a few times, who used to avert her eyes from him for a reason he didn't know.
"You can't be Hikari-san…" The boy murmured, recovering from the shock. "You're Fate! This is one of your tricks, isn't it?!"
"When Makoto-san told you this story, you completely misunderstood it." She said. "You thought he meant something he didn't. And the answer to the third question made you very sad."
"Makoto…" The boy repeated, bitterly. "So you know about him… of course you do! The so called Spirit of the World knows everything, right?! And you have nothing better to do with your time than to torment innocent people, isn't that correct?!"
"Koushiro?"
Another voice, this time from his left, diverted his attention. Izumi Masami was standing a few meters from him.
"Father?" The boy asked in low voice.
"Who are you talking to?" Masami asked, glancing at the direction where he should be able to see the older Hikari. "There's no one else here… are you feeling alright?"
Was that really his father, coming back from work earlier? Or was it another lie created by the Spirit of the World? Like the violin…
Only then the boy realized he could no longer hear a single note.
"It stopped!" Koushiro shouted, once again turning to the girl. "Why did the violin stop? What does that mean? What happened to my mother?"
"I wasn't supposed to be down here… you must be in a similar emotional turmoil." She whispered, looking at the sky with apprehension. "You two are getting synchronized."
"Answer me!" Koushiro demanded, walking in her direction. "Did you do something to my mother? Why did the violin stop?!"
"Yoshie-san is perfectly safe in her home." Hikari replied, lowering her face to look at him. Her eyes were full of sadness. "You, on the other hand…"
His sight began to turn dark. The boy took his hands to his eyes and rubbed them, but his sight didn't return to normal.
"Your chaotic emotions are breaking down the door. None of you have ever returned from there…" He heard Hikari murmuring.
"What are you doing to me?!" The boy asked, falling to his knees on the snow while shutting his eyes closed.
"SON! Son, what's going on?! What are you feeling?!" Masami's distressed voice filled his ears. Koushiro was quickly losing sensation on his body but could faintly feel his father's arms embracing him.
For a moment, everything became quiet and dark. He felt like floating, away from everything.
"The first question is 'how many drops of water are there in the ocean?'"
What's this voice? Father's? It's too young to be his… I've heard it before… Koushiro wondered.
"The next question is 'how many stars are there in the sky?'"
Why are you asking me these questions…? I don't know… I don't know the answers… what happens if I don't know the answers…? Koushiro could loosely recall that, in Hikari's tale, only by answering those questions the King would look at the shepherd boy as his child. What does that mean? What am I supposed to do? I can't answer… and even if I could, what difference would that make? I still wouldn't be their child… no matter what I do or how hard I try… there's no way around this… I can never be Makoto…
"The third question is 'how many seconds of time are there in eternity?'"
"I apologize for this confusing situation, Koushiro." Hikari told him. "I was talking to the Spirit of the World but its distorted mindset redirected me to you by mistake. I might have aggravated the synchronization, I'm sorry for that."
"They got synchronized?" Tentomon asked.
"They must've been in a really similar psychological state..." Makoto murmured, sitting by the right of the other boy. "Then, is it possible that the Spirit hasn't noticed Kou's presence here yet?"
"The Spirit is too distressed to realize what's happening around, which is great news." Hikari sounded confident. "We can use this chance to find a breach on the framework and slip Koushiro out of here."
"Do you think we can guide him back to his body?" Makoto asked the girl.
"After he escapes the framework, it'll be up to him to go back to his body. We have no influence out of here." Hikari replied.
"Stop deciding what to do without asking my opinion!" Koushiro said, speaking for the first time since recovering the memory of how he had gone to that place. "You all could be part of Fate's trap! I don't have any reason to trust you!"
"Kou…" Makoto began but seemed unsure about what to say. Hikari approached Koushiro, sat in front of him and looked into his eyes.
"How do you feel about us?" She asked. "Are we trustworthy?"
"If I understood things correctly, you're all based on people from a universe different from the one I came from." Koushiro answered. "I don't actually know any of you. I think it'd be stupid to trust simulations created by Fate. The logical thing to do is to assume that you're my enemies."
"I'm not asking about logic or what you think." Hikari had a serious tone. "I'm asking how you feel-"
"My feelings have deceived me too many times and caused me a lot of pain!" Koushiro interrupted. "My feelings have led me to believe that I was a despicable person who couldn't do anything right! They made me sure that I was someone that people would be better off without. So, no, I'm not going to trust what I feel! If you want me to believe that you actually have free will and that you're on my side, you'll have to prove it."
"How can we prove that?" Tentomon asked, approaching the boy by his left.
Koushiro saw a chance where there was only hopelessness a few minutes before. He was trapped inside the very thing he wanted to destroy. That was an opportunity that he wouldn't have again. He didn't have the luxury of drowning in despair right now. He had to be rational and do something useful!
"Give me information that I can use when I'm out of here." Koushiro said. "Something that will help me to destroy Fate."
The three of them exchanged concerned looks.
"That's impossible! You can't destroy it!" Tentomon stated.
Be smart, Koushiro! Be smart! Don't let Fate beat you this time!
"Self-preservation?" Koushiro smirked in a bitter way. "To give me that information would go against your programming, isn't that right? I knew you couldn't be trusted!"
"What kind of information do you want?" Hikari inquired. "Please, be more specific."
"I want to know how Fate was created." Koushiro told her.
"We can't reveal that!" Makoto nearly shouted. "We can't tell Kou about that, under any circumstance!"
"That's right!" Tentomon agreed. "Revealing that would only bring pain and destruction!"
"Then, I guess we don't have a deal." Koushiro affirmed.
"Don't be ridiculous! What do you think you can do without our help?" Makoto inquired.
"I'm not going anywhere with you unless you give me a logical reason to do so!" Koushiro stated. "If you care about me as much as you say you do, you are going to have to prove it! You're going to tell me what I want to know! If you don't do that, then your determination in helping me will be proven to be just an act and you'll be nothing more than Fate's pawns!"
Makoto, Hikari and Tentomon remained in silence for a couple of minutes. Koushiro waited for an answer, not willing to back down.
"The event of its creation has been locked away in the core of the Spirit's memory center." Hikari explained. "If any of us mention what happened, Fate is going to know. If that happens, you will be subjected to an unimaginable horror."
"Do you think you scare me?" Koushiro questioned. "Let me tell you this: I'm nothing but fear right now! Not just fear for myself, but for my friends and my family and all the innocents that ever suffered because of the Spirit of the World! That's why I need to find out how to stop it! I didn't want to come here and, honestly, I still don't understand how I came here. But I can't let this opportunity pass! I'm not entitled to do that!"
"You really hate the Spirit…" Makoto had a sad but understanding tone of voice. "That's inevitable, I suppose…"
"Koushiro-han, please reconsider." Tentomon pleaded. "If you insist on knowing the whole truth, you'll be bringing yourself your own end!"
That phrasing disturbed Koushiro. In Raven's Canyon, when his Tentomon told him about the nightmare the digimon had, he mentioned a voice that said that Koushiro would cause his own end. Piyomon had a nightmare in the underground temple that had become true; Sora was indeed swallowed by darkness during the orb incident. What if Tentomon had a similar premonition? What if Koushiro's defiance towards Fate was the thing that was going to kill him?
Only in that moment the weight of his death struck the boy. How would Tentomon feel if that happened? And his friends? His parents? His mother had been in grief over her child for so long... even if his parents didn't see Koushiro as their real son, even if they loved Makoto more, they still cared about him. The boy was sure of that. He remembered their continuous concern for him, the way they looked at him, the nights when they barely slept because he was sick. If Koushiro died, they would suffer. The thought of being the reason of their pain made him ashamed of himself.
"How about this? We'll tell you everything important that happened right before the event." Hikari proposed. "You'll have the clues to put the pieces together then and we won't be noticed by the Spirit. Is that good enough for you?"
Koushiro thought about it for a few seconds but nodded. That would have to be good enough. In the worst case, he would have to find Wisemon to fill in the holes.
Makoto and Hikari stood up and Koushiro did the same. Makoto made a movement with his right hand and everything around began to disintegrate into data particles.
They were left in a vast and dark place. Several meters above their heads, luminous white strings were interconnected with each other and glowed faintly. The floor where they were standing was hard and was covered by little clouds. Makoto was no longer wearing pajamas, but a white jacket over a black shirt, along with brown pants and black snickers. Hikari and Makoto seemed taller than before at first, but then Koushiro realized that he was back to his real age and was wearing the clothes from before getting sent to that place.
"No more lies." Makoto spoke with sadness. "A long time ago, in a different universe, there was a version of you called Yukimura Koushiro. He lived happily with his biological parents. But when he was five years old, his parents died in a car crash. Kou was so heartbroken that he didn't speak for a few days. He was adopted by Izumi Masami and Izumi Yoshie, who already had a young son called Makoto. That boy tried to make small talk with Koushiro during his first night with the Izumi family. Makoto told him his favorite fairy tale."
"It was about a shepherd boy known for his wisdom." Hikari explained, showing a small smile. "The King promised to adopt him if he answered three questions."
"You told me that story." Koushiro said, looking at her. "And then I heard the questions… I think it was him…" he said, turning to Makoto. "His voice sounded different. Even younger than now."
"A few memories must've gotten mixed during the synchronization." Hikari pondered.
How was I synchronized with Fate, anyway? Am I really…? Could there be a connection between us? Because a different me helped to create it? Koushiro asked himself, wondering if he would get any explanation for those doubts.
"The shepherd boy answered the three questions right and was adopted by the King, but the third answer made Koushiro very depressed." Makoto continued. "In the tale, the shepherd boy said there was a huge mountain made of diamond and that every century a bird came to sharpen its beak on its walls. Once the mountain was completely worn away, the first second of eternity would be over."
"What's sad about that story?" Koushiro asked, confused. "Why is this tale important, anyway?"
"This story made a huge impact on the Spirit." Hikari explained. "To this day, it thinks about it, especially when it's sad."
"What reason does that thing have to be sad?" Koushiro questioned.
"We can't tell you that." Tentomon said.
"Anyway," Makoto spoke again, "Koushiro had a hard time warming up to his new parents and brother. Izumi Yoshie taught violin in a music school and every night played to her family. She always tried to make Koushiro feel included but he refused to stay in the living room with the others. He made up excuses to close himself in the boys' bedroom whenever the woman was getting ready to play the violin. She thought that he didn't like her music..."
"That's horrible!" Koushiro stated, upset. "How could he be so awful to her?! So rude and ungrateful?!"
"He was sure he was an awful person." Hikari informed. "In the Digital World, he told me… I mean, he told Hikari many times that he was the most horrid person alive. She tried to dissuade him but her friend wouldn't listen."
"The Digital World?" Koushiro asked. "Was Hikari-san a chosen child in that universe?"
"You would be surprised at how common that is." The girl giggled.
"Kou's self-loathing worsened considerably when, three years after the chosen children went to the Digital World, a new enemy attacked Odaiba." Makoto continued. "Our parents were killed in that attack… Kou never recovered from that… Kou never forgave himself for not telling them... he suffered so much…"
He deserved to suffer after being so horrible to them, Koushiro thought, spiteful.
"When Wisemon appeared and asked your… I mean, the other Koushiro's help in the Homeostasis project, my brother jumped on the opportunity to make a security system for the Digital World. He believed that would prevent new tragedies from happening… he…"
Makoto couldn't continue. He was unsuccessfully fighting against the tears and the increasingly louder sobs.
"You might have realized it by now." Hikari said. "The creation of Homeostasis, the entity also referred as Fate and Spirit of the World, is tied to the death of that Izumi Koushiro."
"The one that helped to create Fate was also its first victim." Koushiro thought aloud. "How much did he mess up to anger that creature so much?"
There was no answer for that.
"We should focus on finding a breach." Tentomon said. "It's a hole among the clouds."
The other three searched for said breach on the floor, attentively. Koushiro wasn't sure if the plan would work and he would return to his body. In an attempt to stop anxious thoughts from overwhelming him, he approached Hikari and asked something he was curious about.
"So, in that other universe, I was friends with Taichi-san's little sister?"
"Such good friends that you actually called her by her name."
"S-Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."
"I'm just a computer simulation, don't worry." She smirked. "Don't you get along with her in your universe?"
"She's a nice girl but…" He hesitated. "The few times we talked, she never looked into my eyes for too long. I can't shake off the suspicion that my presence bothers her but she's too polite to say anything."
"And you've never brought that up with Taichi?"
"Taichi-san can be a bit overzealous sometimes. If I said anything, he'd try to fix the situation and put Hikari-san in an uncomfortable position."
He noticed that the girl was smiling at him.
"What is it?" Koushiro asked.
"I hope you and the Hikari from your universe get to know each other better. The two of you would get along pretty well."
Koushiro thought about that for a few seconds.
"Why did Fate create simulations of you three?"
"It wanted to have someone to talk to."
"But why you three? Why people, I assume, that were important to that other Koushiro?"
Hikari frowned and looked away at first. Then, she said in a sorrowful voice:
"That Hikari wanted to go see the Christmas lights but everybody was busy. She was really happy when Koushiro agreed to go with her. She asked Tentomon to help her buy a gift for the boy, to show her gratitude. If she hadn't done that… if Tentomon had stayed with Koushiro that day…"
"It wasn't her fault that Fate killed him." Koushiro said. "That was only on Fate."
And on that Koushiro, he complemented mentally. That other version of him should have been more careful. He should have noticed that the computer program was faulty. He shouldn't have let all that happen.
"What's going on?" Makoto asked, pointing to the strings above that had begun to glow with more intensity.
"He's coming down here!" She shrieked.
"He couldn't know, could he?" Tentomon asked, nervous.
"He?" Koushiro wondered in loud voice. Makoto and Hikari looked at him, anxiously.
"It." Makoto corrected. "We're part of a corrupted computer program and make dumb mistakes sometimes."
"Maybe the Spirit is just coming after me because I disappeared after being summoned. Let me take care of this. Hide Koushiro!" Hikari ordered.
Makoto approached the other boy and Tentomon and made a movement with his right hand. A semi-transparent bubble was formed around them. They could still see Hikari on the outside. Small light particles descended and surrounded her.
"Where have you been?" Asked a voice that Koushiro found familiar, despite not being able to determine to whom it belonged.
"I'm sorry, old friend. I was swept away by that song."
"I couldn't find you. Were you hiding in my sub-consciousness? What were you doing there?"
"I ended there by accident."
"You are lying to me! You've ever gone there for only one reason!"
"You haven't laid a finger on him yet." She pointed out, calmly. "He couldn't be here otherwise, could he?"
"I can't find Izumi Koushiro. He is hidden from me."
"You're still unstable. Soon, you'll certainly find him."
"Don't you lie to me! Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I haven't figured out what you're up to? Where he's hiding?"
By his sides, Koushiro saw Tentomon and Makoto trembling.
"Koushiro!" Hikari said in loud voice. "I'll bear it for as long as I can but I can't do it for too much time! You must resist! Promise me you'll fight to the end! Don't let that mass of hatred consume you!"
After she said that, Makoto grabbed Koushiro by the hand and ran with him in the opposite direction, where a tunnel of light was being built.
"Wait! Go back!" Koushiro protested. "We can't just let her there!"
"She must've been deleted by now!" Tentomon said, flying after the boys.
"D-Deleted?" Koushiro asked, disturbed.
"Hey, we're just simulations, remember? It's not as if someone died!" Makoto told him. "That kind of thing has happened to us before. We're always reformed! Don't worry about us!"
I'm not worried! Koushiro told himself. I'm not worried about them, that would be ridiculous! However, it was hard to fight the dread occasioned by the idea that the girl who had been talking to him a few minutes before, someone based on the little sister of one of his friends, had ceased to exist. She was destroyed because of me… to protect me… then, they were really saying the truth…
"Why are you helping me?" Koushiro inquired in low voice, as they continued to run in the light tunnel. "Why help all of those Koushiros? What's the point in going through that trouble?"
"You're Koushiro-han." Tentomon spoke with an anguished voice. "We couldn't just ignore you… even if we're not real, it hurt us. All the times we saw you suffering, it hurt us a lot! It doesn't matter how many times we're deleted, we'll keep on doing it! For Koushiro-han, we'll always…"
Suddenly, a buzzing sound came from behind them. They turned their heads and saw black smoke chasing them down the tunnel, a few meters behind.
"What is it doing?!" Makoto sounded shocked. "To force its way into the sub-consciousness like that will cause it a lot of severe damage!"
"The Spirit knows." Tentomon said, darkly. "It doesn't care as long as it gets Koushiro-han…"
Tentomon stopped moving ahead and turned around to face the smoke. Koushiro tried to stop but Makoto forced him to continue running.
He's not the real Tentomon… he's not the real Tentomon… Koushiro repeated to himself as he watched the smoke start enveloping the bug monster. That didn't stop his heart from breaking.
"It's okay, Koushiro-han!" Tentomon's voice was still audible. "It's okay to be scared… and to be sad… it's okay… you're not alone… you'll never be alone… I'm here with you!"
The digimon disappeared in the darkness that stopped advancing. Koushiro felt the floor vanish from under his feet. He and Makoto fell a couple of meters and hit a field filled with multicolored flowers. There was no sign of the tunnel above them. Instead, there was only a clear sunny sky.
Koushiro was lying on his back, looking up while the scent of the flowers invaded his nostrils. Tentomon's voice was still echoing in his mind.
"Don't cry!" Makoto told him, crawling in his direction. "He was a simulation! You're the only person here who's real!"
The younger boy had not noticed that he was crying. But at that moment he could no longer stop. He sobbed loudly, unable to explain what he was feeling.
Makoto put himself on his knees when he got close enough to the other boy.
"Your partner was never here. Neither was Hikari."
"I know that!" Koushiro affirmed. "I know… I know… I shouldn't be reacting like this! I… I…" It was getting harder for him to talk. "I need to stand up… I… I h-have to… I have to be strong… after everything I can't just… I can't…"
Makoto offered him a hand and helped him to sit up. After that, he embraced Koushiro, tightly. The younger boy was surprised at the familiarity of that hug. It felt like the ones his parents had given him in so many occasions. The same warmth, intensity and care… that was how his parents' son felt to him. Of course Makoto would be like that. How else could their son be? Koushiro wondered how it would have been to grow up having Makoto as his older brother. The thought didn't fill his heart with any unpleasant emotion, but a peaceful although melancholic sensation.
"Sorry." The older boy whispered in his ear. "I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better."
A dark crack crossed the sky and black smoke leaked from it. It descended, slowly surrounding them.
"I'm so s-sorry!" Makoto sobbed. "I really wanted to protect you…"
"I know." Koushiro assured him, trembling.
"I don't want to see you die again, Kou!" Makoto said, letting several tears drop from his eyes. "I can't… I'm…"
"I'll find a way out of here, I swear!" Koushiro promised, forcing his shaking arms up to hug Makoto back. "I'll go home and I'll tell my parents about you. I'm sure Mother…"
"That Makoto always tried to look after you but you never let him. You were always so independent and smart. It was a little frustrating." Makoto smirked, nervously. "Makoto messed up a lot and failed at many things. And you weren't easy. But he loved you unconditionally. And I'm sure that, wherever he is now, he's thinking about you. Don't forget that, Kou! Don't forget how loved you are!"
The smoke enveloped them. Everything became dark and cold. In a matter of seconds, the body that Koushiro had been hugging disappeared under his arms.
After a minute, he wiped his tears slowly and looked around. There was a spot illuminated by a ray of light about ten meters on his right, where the back of a metallic chair could be seen. Hanging from the sides of the chair, there were two human looking arms covered in lilac sleeves. Both the sleeves and the pale hands were drenched in blood.
Koushiro stood up and cautiously approached the object. He noticed loose chains hanging from it. Were they ever used to restrain someone?
"I didn't know you were capable of coming here while your body is still alive." The voice from before spoke. "My creator…"
"I'm not your creator." The boy contested. "You killed the Koushiro that helped Wisemon to build you a long time ago."
"Wisemon…" The other chuckled, bitterly. "Last time I checked on him, the Dark Masters had just… well, that doesn't matter. I'm about to end you, anyway."
Don't let that thing scare you! Be brave!
"Like you did to all the others?" Koushiro asked, stopping a few steps behind the chair.
"I didn't kill all of them. There were times when I was capable of mercy. However, I'm not in the mood for that today."
Hang in there, Koushiro! Don't be afraid!
"Why?" The boy inquired. "Why do you do that? What do you gain by continuously murdering me?"
"Joy." The other replied. "I had a bad day. I'm in need of some satisfaction."
Koushiro felt his knees getting weak but managed to stay up.
"That time, you said that I had to overcome my weakness in order to be useful to my friends. I did just that! I'm not the same self-destructive kid you tormented! I've learned and grown! And I'm proud of who I became!"
"Nonsense!" Fate snarled. "You see… Jyou-san, Mimi-san, Sora-san, Takeru-kun… those are chosen children that actually deserve my consideration and help. They're admirable and strong. You, on the other hand, deserve nothing but misery. You are inherently defective and can never change your nature. You are a weak and low creature whose heart is unspeakably ugly."
"That's not true!" Koushiro shouted. "I try to do the right thing and help everybody! I do my best to be kind and many people care a lot about me! I can't be that miserable person I had convinced myself I was! You're not going to convince me of those lies! You don't know who I really am!"
"I know you too well." The other stated. "I know the darkness that dwells inside your heart and where that darkness can take you. Your soul is twisted and chaotic… it infects and corrupts everything it touches."
"Do you think you're in any place to judge me?!" Koushiro inquired. "What have you done to help the original chosen children? What have you done to Mimi-san and her mother? And to all the digimon that died in conflicts that you didn't stop, but encouraged?! And what did you do all that for? Fun?!" Koushiro's whole body was shaking. "What about those simulations you created? That first Koushiro didn't build you right and that made you angry, I can understand that. But, not satisfied in punishing various versions of him, you had to create simulations of people who cared for him just so they could suffer?! That's evil! It's disgusting! Revolting! I might have my shortcomings! I might be far from being the best person on the world! But I know that I would never do something horrid like that! I know that I would never be something horrid like you!"
Out of nowhere, Fate began to laugh loudly. The bloody arms hanging from the chair were retrieved, possibly to be placed on their owner's lap. After a pair of minutes, the Spirit of the World calmed down.
"Did you ever wonder what kind of assistance you gave to Wisemon in the development of Homeostasis?" The Spirit of the World questioned. "You helped with little things, most of the time. He had a problem, though. Wisemon couldn't figure out how to make the artificial intelligence as complex and sophisticated as he wanted it to be. But then, he found the solution!"
The person on the chair stood up, but was still not visible to Koushiro because of the high back of the metallic object.
"It was December 25th. Izumi Koushiro had plans to go out to see the Christmas lights. But Wisemon appeared in his bedroom before that and told that boy that he had found a solution… he cheerfully said that he needed Koushiro's help to complete Homeostasis…"
Fate's voice was getting lower and colder. An icy wind began to blow, sending shivers through Koushiro's body.
"Imagine Izumi Koushiro's foolish face when he understood what help Wisemon wanted!" The Spirit continued. "If Wisemon knew how disgraceful of a person that boy was, maybe he wouldn't have… and then I wouldn't…"
That person left the blind spot at the other side of the metallic chair, coming into Koushiro's sight. The boy could almost feel his very life leaving him when he looked at the figure covered in blood. His voice was suddenly lost. He couldn't scream nor cry.
"I was supposed to be perfect, Izumi Koushiro!" Fate roared. "What am I instead? Because Wisemon wanted to scan his neuro-system… because he thought that boy had a logical, brilliant, mind… what have I become because of that mistake?!"
The face Koushiro had known for so long was now the pure image of rage itself.
"Izumi Koushiro was chained to a metallic chair and hundreds of needles entered his brain. He died in agony. And I came into existence, with all his memories and illogical emotions. With all of his innumerous flaws! Because of his weak spirit, I became this! So, tell me! I dare you to tell me that once again!"
He took some steps in the boy's direction. Koushiro fell on his back. In absolute terror and mortification, he looked at the older version of himself leaning upon him. His adolescent face was now bearing a maniac smile.
"Tell me again I don't know who you really are, Izumi Koushiro!"
After holding this revelation for over 20 chapters, the truth is out at last. Thank you for the reviews and the support.