Part 5 of 6

Up on the veranda, Richard is pointing at something in the journal and she leans forward to read it, "Here, do you see? On the Charlie Hulme case, you clearly state how annoying I am… how you can't wait to be reassigned."

"Well, it was TRUE! You were AWFUL! I hated you and I hated being forced to work with you."

"Well, that much I understood perfectly. But, look! See here, on the Dead Bride case, you say you enjoyed tearing a strip off me… which hurt quite a lot, I must say… THEN you call me 'Mr. Green Eyes'! What does THAT mean?" He looks to her, perplexed.

She looks away, "Don't you see my next comment? I wondered myself 'where did that come from?' It was my first unconscious hint of my attraction to you. Your eyes! How they drew me! Didn't you notice that I tried not to look directly at you after that?"

He sits back and frowns, "Well, yes, I did. I just assumed you hated my very existence and wished me dead." He leans back in, "And see here? Here's the comment about shipping me home in a big box… with or without air holes!" He mumbles to himself, "How could I have forgotten where I read THAT?"

"Yes! But! See here? How your movements caught my attention. You saved me from William and I started to wonder what you'd been like when you were younger… Well, don't you see? I was starting to fall in love with you way back then! But I couldn't accept it! All these insults and snide comments were my pathetic attempt to deny it. I was trying to convince myself that I was deluded… that it couldn't be happening." She keeps her head down, pointing at the pages then feels the firmness of his thigh beneath the book and sits back up quickly, putting her hands in her own lap.

He is cautiously trying to catch her gaze, "But it was? Truly?"

"Yes." She realizes her cheeks are heating up and tries to quell it, looks up at the sky. So big. So empty.

"So when you describe me as 'a mind deep and cool and precise with a thin weedy non-descript body with zero social skills… is that a deliberate insult or your attempt to deny it?" Now HE is studying the sky, arms crossed, as if pondering a most difficult puzzle.

She nods and decides to be truthful, "Denial, all the way. Sorry if it sounds rude… but I was kind of desperate to convince myself you were bad for me."

"Do you still think that?" At her blank look, he looks away and says low and fast, "Thin and weedy… non-descript? Doesn't sound like love talk to me." He blushes. He can NOT believe he is saying ANY of this to her!

She reddens a bit, "No, I don't think that. Maybe I'll tell you what I really think… if we come to some kind of mutual understanding here… but not until I'm sure of your feelings for me."

He watches her for long moments, a slight frown on his face, "So, there are things you haven't written here that I need to know, aren't there? Why did you stop your entries after the Aidan Miles case? Quite a few things happened afterwards that confused me no end. Your notes might have helped me understand you these past few months."

She licks her lips, glances down at her hands, "Didn't you see what filled up the last few pages of this book?" He ponders a moment then flips to the last few pages. They are filled with doodles of two people walking on beaches, the woman tucked into the man's side. At his bemused look, she chuckles, "I had to start a second journal. It's at home. Under my pillow."

Very hesitantly, he asks, "May I see it?"

Her eyes flare and she shakes her head, "Oh! NO WAY! It's MUCH worse than this one."

He nods, looks back down at the book, "So… all these compliments and…"

She frowns, "Bosh, you mean? Tripe? Moon June spoon?"

He has the grace to apologize, "Please forgive me. That was unconscionable. I just couldn't believe that you might possibly feel ANY of this for me. If I had given you the slightest bit of encouragement, would you have acted on your feelings?"

"Oh, yes! I came close many times. But you seemed so closed off, so uninterested. I was scared to make a fool of myself. You were 'the boss'… and English… and all you wanted to do was go home and leave me. I was just trying to protect my heart." She places an unsure hand onto his arm, "Surely you can understand that?"

He sits back with a sigh, "I can. I was protecting MY heart too… the only way I knew how… by ignoring you and my feelings for you." He places an equally unsure hand onto hers.

She looks up into his eyes now, a burning question on her lips, "Can I ask? Please? When did you start having feelings for me?"

He blushes again, "Oh, I'm ashamed to say."

She nudges him a bit playfully but with care, "Go on. This is confession time, after all."

"Well, all right. About 10 seconds after we first met."

Now she is amazed, "What?! How is that possible? Why did you hide it? We might have reached this stage months ago if only you'd…"

He takes her hand and holds on for dear life, "But I couldn't! Surely you see that! Remember what I was going through! How desperate my situation was! I was so totally lost and abandoned and spurned! It's a wonder I didn't go mad! If it hadn't been for you and Dwayne and Fidel… you saved me. All of you saved me! It took time and a lot of pain, I know… but you saved me." He turns to her and takes both her hands in his.

Down below, Dwayne and Fidel surge up, grabbing each other in sudden hope.

"I HAVE to have you in my life, Camille. I'm not a complete person without you! Not only do you complete me but you finish my sentences and answer my questions hours before I even think to ask. I'm not talking about our partnership in law enforcement, I'm talking about you as a woman and me as a man. I'm nothing without you… just a suit! A 'stuffed shirt' as you so kindly wrote here." She drops her gaze and frowns. He hurries on, "No! That's a good thing! I know I'm pedantic and annoying and inflexible… but I'm better now… because of you… because of them hiding down there in the bushes watching us so intently. I need you all… but mostly I need you. Please say you'll stay with me… for us."

She is silent, thinking. He is silent, humming with dread. The men below are silent, holding their breath and hoping with all their might. When she stands up, three sets of eyes follow her as she goes inside and comes out with an envelope in her hand. She tucks it into his inside jacket pocket and pats it through his suit, "Here, you can keep it for when I start to annoy you beyond endurance. You can bring it out and threaten me with it. That ought to keep me in line."

He smiles in relief, suddenly so dizzy that he has to lean forward and put his head into his hands, "And if I never open it? If I never read it?"

"Then you will never know what I wrote."

He sighs and sits back up, "Deal!" then looks down to the journal almost forgotten between them, "Um, could you read some excerpts here? Perhaps you can explain these doubts you had about my sexuality? And perhaps this green-eyed baby that pops up out of nowhere?"

She covers her face and huffs with embarrassed laughter, "Oh, no! Not that! I was insane with jealousy and crazy with frustration! The wine didn't help, either!"

He turns a final page, runs his finger down the script, stops at a certain phrase, "And here, you wonder if you will ever see what you are looking for in my eyes. Do you see it now? Do you finally know?"

She places her hands on either side of his face and whispers, "Yes, I see it. I finally see it. And it's as wonderful as I'd hoped. I'm going to say something now, Richard. Something I've been terrified to say for a long time. Please don't step on me too hard… but I love you. Do you hear me?"

"I hear you. You love me. That's pretty simple… simple enough even for MY big brain to understand."

"And?"

"This part is a bit more difficult. I have serious trust issues, you know."

"I know. Me too, remember?"

"Yes, I remember. You were very brave… so now it's MY turn. OK, then, here goes." He stiffens and squares his shoulders, clenches his hands into fists upon his thighs, for all the world like a man about to pronounce the meaning of life, "I concur. No, that's not right.´ He sits up a little taller and says a little louder, "I agree. Oh, that's not right either!" He turns to her in frustration, his eyes a bit frantic, "I… I… why can't I say what I MEAN?"

She shakes her head and gives him a tiny smile… so Richard to the very end, "Do you love me?"

He raises a hand to her and nods emphatically, "YES. I DO! What YOU said!´ He heaves a huge sigh, "Thank you."

"Then say it. It's what my dear mother was trying to get out of you all those months ago and now I want to hear it for myself. Just open your mouth and say it."

"All right. I will. I love you. I, Richard Poole, love you, Camille Bordey. There! I SAID it!" He turns to her now with wide slightly shocked eyes, "Did you hear me SAY it?" He sounds a bit amazed.

She nods and laughs, "I did. I DID hear you say it. And since we're being totally truthful and brave right now, I have to tell you that I liked it a LOT! It sounded like a declaration… a vow…"

He stills completely.

She is immediately on guard… Oh, did I push him too far? Did I just undo all the good we've managed here today? Stupid, stupid, stupid! But he is slipping off the bench... he is kneeling at her feet... he is looking up at her with determination. Her heart rate spikes. The two men below would have swooned in sympathy except they are on their way back, sure that it is safe to return.

He takes her hand in one of his and places his other hand over his heart, "It IS a vow! Thank God! At last and finally… I can say it! Camille, I don't know if we're in our right minds right now but I wish very much to ask you to marry me. Or, at least, ask you to think about it."

END – part 5