"I know you're listening."
Makoto's voice brought Koushiro to attention away from the book he had been pretending to read. He had actually been listening to the violin, like all the other times.
"Mom would be really happy if you just joined us." The eleven year old boy added, sitting across from the smaller one. "She thinks that you don't like her music."
"She plays to her family." Koushiro said, still looking at the open book. "It wouldn't be right to force myself into the participation."
"But our parents want you to participate! They love you!" Makoto protested. "I know that you want to participate too!"
"It doesn't matter what I want. I'm not part of your family."
After hearing that, Makoto took the book from the other's hands, which forced Koushiro to look at his adoptive brother's angry expression.
"You are my brother!" Makoto stated. "And their son! I'm sorry if that dumb story I told you years ago gave you the wrong idea that you had to earn your position in this family! That's not how it is! Let go of that already!"
The smaller child remained silent for one minute. When he spoke again, his voice conveyed deep sadness.
"My name used to be Yukimura Koushiro." The boy murmured. "My Mom used to tell me stories about the cosmos while tucking me in bed. My Dad had shiny eyes whenever he explained me the basic math behind everyday objects. One day, I wanted to watch their classes and sneaked into the University where they worked. I got lost in there and was only found at night." He frowned. "They were angry at me but they also hugged me and cried a lot. They told me to never wander off on my own again… they told me they'd suffer too much if something were to happen to me… if they were separated from me forever…"
"They died, Kou." Makoto spoke, sadly. "You can't be reunited with them until you die. And they would suffer if that happened too early, don't you think?" The older boy scratched his face. "I remember you told me once that you wanted to be a professor, like them. And when you let them know, they were super happy about the news! If you died, you wouldn't get to be a professor, would you?"
"They thought they would get to see me teaching…"
"They might still be able to do it! They could be watching over you right now!"
Koushiro smirked, bitterly.
"You say that as if it was a good thing. But how would my parents feel if they were to know that my family name is Izumi now? What would they think if they saw me treating other people as my parents? Wouldn't that make they suffer even more?!"
"Have you considered that they could be happy for you? Have you stopped to think that your refusal to be part of this family might be making your birth parents sad right now, wherever they are?!"
Koushiro's eyes widened. Makoto stood up and offered a hand to the other.
"You can't stay stuck making the same mistakes!" The big brother told him.
The redhead reached out but hesitated midway, not holding the other's hand. Makoto grabbed Koushiro by the wrist and made him stand up. Then, the older boy completely opened the door. A new song began to be played; the same song Yoshie played in Koushiro's first night with the Izumi family.
"That song...?" Koushiro muttered as his eyes got tear brimmed.
"Mozart's Concerto nº 5 in A major." Makoto replied. "The first song she chose to play to Dad. The one she played when she found out she was expecting me and when they brought me home. The song she plays when she invites people into her heart." He added, smiling at Koushiro. "You know what it means when she plays it to you."
"I can just walk in there…" Koushiro murmured, contemplating the possibility in front of him. "I can walk in there and say 'I love you' to them… it'd be so easy…"
"Yes, you can!" Makoto had an expression of pure joy. "They're going to forgive you and say that they love you as well! And then, everything will be-"
"No…" Koushiro said, breaking free from the other's grip and taking a step back, hitting the wall. "I never did that… I never told them… I never…"
"You can do that now, Kou!" Makoto assured him, with a faltering smile. "You'll do it and you'll feel so much better about everything!"
"They died!"
As Koushiro stated that, large cracks appeared on the walls, roof and floor of the bedroom.
"Kou, stop! Please, stop!" Makoto pleaded.
Both their bodies flickered and they became teenagers. Koushiro looked at his arms, covered by the sleeves of his purple jacket. Large stains of blood were visible on them.
"You deceived me!" Koushiro accused. "I created you and you try to trap me in a dream?! How dare you?!"
Small cracks appeared on Makoto's skin and clothes, emitting light whiter than the jacket he was wearing.
"I was trying to help you to come in terms with what happened! Don't you think you should forgive yourself already? Don't you think you should stop punishing yourself?!" He raised his voice as he made those questions, getting more desperate.
"I've never punished myself!" The other retorted.
"What about those other versions of you that you have killed?! How do you call that?!" Makoto inquired.
Rage boiled in Koushiro's heart.
"Those were not versions of me!" He affirmed. "Those were Izumi Koushiro! Izumi Koushiro deserved everything that happened to him!"
"Repeating those things has never helped you!" Makoto shouted. "Stop lying to yourself already, Kou! Please!"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" His voice came out thunderously, breaking apart everything surrounding him. "I AM NOT IZUMI KOUSHIRO!"
The dream reality disappeared along with Makoto.
All that was left was darkness.
The universe he was in was far too recent. No star had even been born yet. No living being existed.
The frightening solitude was familiar but a computer program shouldn't be able to feel anything. It only emulated remnants of emotions from a broken child long dead, glitches bound to disappear.
How many billions of years more until that artificial creature was finally free of Izumi Koushiro's heart?
Chapter 31: Child of the Spring
Time slows down when a person is about to die. Koushiro had heard that many times before and now could tell it was really true. Lying on the cold ground, he saw the stretched arm of the other approaching him, with the hand open like a claw.
His own arm, his own hand… himself.
Fate was him. Koushiro was the Spirit of the World.
For a fraction of a second, he attempted to deny that truth. But the illusion couldn't last long. Koushiro knew. He could feel it deep in his soul. The person in his front was who he truly was.
The ugliness inside his heart from which he had hidden away, the abomination his partner didn't believe existed, there it was, in plain sight. His darkness presented itself in front of him. Leaning in his direction, with a wicked smile, his own image deformed by hatred, daring him to repeat that he didn't know who he really was.
"I was right…" Koushiro muttered, watching his other self placing the cold fingers around his neck. "It wasn't just self-loathing… it wasn't just my mind making stuff up…" A couple of tears rolled from his eyes. "The way I saw myself from the beginning, who I always felt I was… who I k-knew I…" His voice cracked as his tears began to fall more profusely, almost blinding him. "I was right... I was right! I…" Koushiro laughed, nervously. "Who was I kidding? Thinking that I could be something other than…"
Fate tightened his grip on Koushiro's neck, making the child grasp for air.
"You are diabolic, Izumi Koushiro." Fate informed him, smiling. "You're the most despicable creature in existence. That has always been true in each of the universes I've met you. You cause nothing but pain to everyone."
Koushiro remembered how he had made his mother cry, how he had made his partner worry, all the times he saddened or angered others… the succession of images came like a massive wave that overpowered him and took the boy to the depths of a cold and dark ocean. Nothing existed beyond despair. Not air, nor hope.
I'm going to die… Koushiro thought while his sight turned black. He could feel his consciousness slipping away, as if sucked by his other self's asphyxiating hand. Is my body going to die too? This feels familiar… when I fell into the canyon… will there be something else at the other side? Will my birth parents be there…? Will Makoto…? Or am I just going to end here? At least I wouldn't have to face anyone… I wouldn't have to think about everybody Fate has… everybody I…
"That's right!" The Spirit of the World sounded joyful. "Disappear! You know you deserve this!" His laugh was strange; somewhat similar to a sob. "You who belong nowhere… you who have done nothing worthy… just failure after failure… you weak, coward child! End now, once again!"
He hated him so much. He hurt him so much. It should have been obvious since the beginning. Who else would do those things to him but Koushiro himself?
Not just to him. How many others? How many…? It was unbearable to think about it. He helped nobody. He tormented so many. He killed… he wouldn't think about it anymore. Koushiro would cease thinking about everything.
"Koushiro-chii!"
Her image appeared clearly in his mind, just as he remembered the last time he had seen her. A tear falling from each eye and a trembling grin… she didn't blame him for what happened. Otae just stood there, at her death's door, and gave him an order.
"Live!"
Suddenly, air entered Koushiro's lungs again. The child fell on his back, on the snow, but quickly stood up. He could see Fate a few meters to his left, leaning over an empty spot, trying to strangle nothing. The Spirit of the World seemed confused by his victim's sudden disappearance.
Fate looked around, rapidly; he looked straight at the direction where Koushiro was. The boy gulped. But his other self kept looking around, visibly distressed, seemingly not able to see him.
"WHERE DID YOU GO, IZUMI KOUSHIRO?!" Fate roared. "SHOW YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!"
"What…?" Koushiro muttered but quickly received a light slap on his back. He turned around. Otae was standing there, bearing the same unclean appearance he remembered her having. She grinned at him.
"Hey, brat!" She greeted. "Who the hell gave you permission to die?"
"You can't be… it can't be…" Koushiro felt new tears filling his eyes. He knew that she was dead. Technically, the clone he encountered couldn't even be considered to have ever been alive. In a way or another, she couldn't be with him anymore.
"Of course I can't be her." Otae told him, with a sad smile. "Living people can't meet those who have died. Unless you believe in the story of Jyou's grandmother. But let's face it, a rock is more likely to be a psychic than you."
"Then…" Koushiro muttered, starting to understand. The Otae in front of him had to be a simulation, like Makoto and the others. But why would Fate have a simulation of Otae? Did she exist in his original universe? However, Koushiro's bond with the woman had been formed in specific circumstances that would be difficult to have happened somewhere else. Besides, if she was a simulation previously created, why did she not appear before? Why did none of the other simulations mention her? That couldn't be it. Fate was about to kill him… the only possible conclusion was…
"You're a product of my mind!" Koushiro exclaimed, astonished.
"You remembered me in your most desperate hour." She spoke. "And here I am, to your rescue. Apparently, even as a fragment of someone else's subconscious, I still get to be asked to solve problems."
"I made you up…" He whispered. "Are you like a hallucination?"
"Is that really the most urgent question now, you dumb brat?" Otae sounded annoyed. "Have you forgotten the danger you're in?"
Koushiro turned around again, to look at Fate. Under the dark sky, the snow was glowing faintly, as if to help the other to locate him. The Spirit of the World was furious, walking around, looking for Koushiro and ordering him to show up.
"How are you hiding me from him?" Koushiro asked, turning around to face her again.
"This is inside a computer framework devised to be compatible with the mind of Izumi Koushiro." Otae explained. "You're not as powerless here as you think."
"Am I safe now?" The boy asked.
"Do you want to be safe?" Otae questioned. "It didn't seem like it."
"I…" Koushiro had a weak voice. He was scared of death, like always. However, that fear was not enough to counter his guilt. Koushiro could no longer delude himself into thinking that he wasn't a bad person, or at least not as bad as he thought. Not when he came to know what he was capable of in his worst. How many lives did he destroy? How many would he still…? If that was the end of the line, if that was who Koushiro truly was, what point would there be in him escaping? How could he ever face anyone, how could he ever live with himself, upon knowing everything? To want to live despite all that would be a testimony of his selfishness.
"I'm horrible…" The child confessed, letting a few tears escape his eyes.
"Heh? You think you're horrible?" Otae had a mocking tone. "Have you forgotten who risked ripping the space-time continuum because she wanted to save her brother's life? Literally everybody in the universe could've died and she couldn't care less. That was horrible."
"You were in too much pain and weren't thinking right." Koushiro told her, only then remembering that he wasn't really talking to the woman, but to a simulation of her created by his mind. "I mean, she was in pain…" He corrected. "Otae-san was miserable… for thousands of years she tortured herself over her brother's death and then she died after reuniting with her friends! She just died, pointlessly! She just…"
Koushiro broke down in tears, hiding his face with his trembling hands. He could feel the fake Otae holding him by the shoulders, stopping him from falling to his knees. It was too much now. He couldn't keep on acting as if it didn't affect him, as if he was fine and could leave everything in the past. In the light of the recent revelations, his attempts of hiding from the truth felt futile and ridiculous. What was the point of any of that?
"What was the point?!" He inquired, bitterly. "It made no difference! I didn't help her, did I?! I just gave her false hope and then she died!" He could feel his entire body trembling. "I kept on convincing myself that she was able to do something in those few hours… as if anyone could fix a rift of thousands of years with that little time! But I couldn't… I didn't want to think about it… it hurt and I just deceived myself! I lied to her too… to everybody… what was the point…?"
It happened suddenly, he couldn't react. Otae pulled him to a tight hug. It felt nice, as if the woman he had known was comforting him. But that wasn't really her. That was just a creation of his mind. It wasn't real.
"Please, don't do this." He pleaded, uncovering his face and letting his arms fall by the sides of his body.
"Who are you to know whether she had enough time?" Otae asked. "That's completely out of your hands. You gave her an opportunity and she grabbed it. You've done everything you could."
"It doesn't matter what you think! You're just me!" Koushiro spoke with spite. "You're just my mind trying to make me feel better!"
"What's wrong with that?" Otae asked. "What's wrong with being kind to yourself?"
"I don't deserve any type of kindness!" Koushiro stated. "Why am I still talking to you? Talking to myself… this is so meaningless! It's so pathetic!"
"It helps you! Who gives a damn about anything else?" Otae slightly raised her voice as she dried the tears from under his eyes. Koushiro looked up to her and saw the most serious expression he had ever seen in that face.
"If Otae had been kinder to herself, she would've left that flying dump a lot sooner!" She affirmed. "She fell into a deplorable state and hurt everybody that cared for her! She couldn't think about anything out of her self-loathing! She treated you horribly! Despite all that, you still chose to be kind to her. Why can't you do the same to yourself? Just for the sake of it, why don't you just try to be nice to yourself, you brat?"
"I am the Spirit of the World!" Koushiro protested. "I let all those terrible things happen to her and the others! It might've been a different version of me, but it was still me in a way. I can't just disassociate myself from it. This isn't something I can push to the back of my mind as if it was a nuisance that was bound to pass! I did that to Otae-san… I don't understand why but I did it! I'm someone capable of that level of inhumanity!"
"If you can't disassociate yourself from it, how about you try to understand how it happened?" Otae suggested, smiling.
"What do you mean?" Koushiro asked, rubbing his eyes and breaking off the hug.
"The opportunity presents itself. It's up to you to take it." Otae told him, pointing to something in her front. Koushiro looked at that direction and saw Fate walking some meters away, murmuring something.
"You want me to ask him?" Koushiro questioned, alarmed.
"You know what you have to do." Otae told him.
"He's going to kill me if I approach him." The boy pointed out.
"You can't hide from him forever." Otae said. "It's not like there's any other plan. You must confront yourself if you want to live."
Koushiro stayed silent.
"What do you see when you look at him?" Otae asked, after one minute.
Koushiro looked at Fate with attention. The other him had stopped screaming his name and was now just making frustrated noises. His steps were large as he walked in circles. His fists were clenched and his shoulders were stiff. The fury in his eyes seemed to increase exponentially.
"Someone who hates me." Koushiro replied. "He despises me and can't forgive my existence. He wants to destroy me completely, without leaving any traces."
"I see someone in pain." Otae said. "Never ending, overwhelming pain… desperate to make it stop… or to get distracted from it even for a moment."
Koushiro looked at her for a couple of minutes, silently.
"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" She asked, suddenly. "You didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her back then."
"You're not her." Koushiro observed.
"So what?" She questioned. "This might be your last chance. Or would you rather go back to acting as if it didn't matter?"
"I don't know." He murmured. "I can't think in anything meaningful to say."
"It can be anything. It can be one or two words. Just say something." Otae told him. "Say what you wish you could have told her if you had the chance."
"Just to make me feel good?" He asked in low voice, turning his eyes to Fate.
"That's more than enough reason." She affirmed.
"What would she have told me if she had more time?" Koushiro asked in a murmur, looking at the woman again. He knew that the answer would not really be from Otae. Nevertheless, he wanted to hear it. If he was allowed, Koushiro wished to have a better closure with her.
"I believe she summed up everything she wanted to say in two words. She wasn't exactly good with speeches." Otae chuckled. "If she had more time, perhaps she would've developed it more, like 'I care about you, you shitty brat! You'd better die of old age surrounded by people you care about, otherwise I'll find my way back from Hell to haunt you, you idiot!' But, really, that's just me speculating."
Koushiro let a giggle escape his lips. He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. When he reopened them, he saw Otae smiling serenely. The boy wished he had seen her in peace and happiness during their brief time together. He wished he had been able to convey how meeting her had changed him.
"Thank you." Koushiro said, gazing at her.
"It was just your sub-conscious telling you a lame joke."
"That's what I wish I could've told her." He explained. "'Thank you.'"
"You know what?" Otae smirked. "I think she would have told you that too."
Koushiro glanced at the Spirit of the World again, whose back was now turned to them, meters in their front. Fate seemed to be trembling.
"I don't know if I'm brave enough to do this." Koushiro confessed.
"Nobody is." She told him, placing a hand on his right shoulder. "But everybody has to do it anyway."
Koushiro took a step forward. The touch on his shoulder disappeared. The boy saw his other self turning around to face him.
Masami carried Koushiro to his bedroom, where he and Yoshie changed the child's wet clothes and put him in pajamas. Then, the man carried the boy to his bed and put him under the blanket.
"What happened to Koushiro-han? Is he ill?"
It was only in that moment that Masami noticed the existence of the small pink creature that was now close to his feet.
"What on Earth is that thing?!" The man yelped, sitting by the side of the bed and stretching his arms to his sides, as if to shield his son from the unknown creature.
"That's Motimon. He's Koushiro's friend from another world." Yoshie explained, quickly, sitting at the other side of the bed and checking the boy's temperature. "What happened to him?"
Masami blinked, looking from his wife to the creature below him, expecting a better explanation.
"Did you see him fainting?" Yoshie insisted. "Did you find him on the snow? For how long could he have been…? It's my fault… my f-fault!" Her voice cracked.
"Yoshie, calm down, please." Masami said, turning to her. "When I found him, he was still up. He was hallucinating, though… talking to someone invisible and…"
The man frowned, before continuing:
"He mentioned Makoto… and a violin."
Yoshie looked down, ashamed.
"We had agreed that we would wait." Masami said. "And yet you told him everything behind my back. How could you?"
"Koushiro already knew that he was adopted and kept that from us." Yoshie informed. "He confessed that to me today and I… I wanted to be honest with him as well but…" Her eyes became filled with tears. "Koushiro didn't want to hear about his parents but I insisted on telling him. I made him sad despite that not being my intention… I was upset at his behavior and I brought Makoto up… then I locked myself in my bedroom, like a coward! I didn't even see Koushiro going out! I didn't stop him and now he's…"
The woman cried profusely. Masami got up and circled the bed to sit at her side.
"I made him feel rejected!" Yoshie almost screamed. "I made him feel unloved! I was so afraid of loving him… what have I done, Masami?!"
"It's okay." Masami told her, pulling Yoshie to a hug. "It's going to be okay. He's going to wake up and we'll talk about everything properly."
"I'm awful… I'm so awful…"
"That's not true; you've done your best!" Masami tried to sooth her. "Despite it being so hard on you, despite still being in pain about Makoto, you were always so dedicated to Koushiro! You might not have realized but it was evident to me how much you loved him!"
"Koushiro-han!" Motimon shouted. He had climbed on the bed and was now approaching the child's head. "There's something wrong with him!"
The adults looked at the boy and saw him having difficulty to breathe.
"What's happening?!" Yoshie asked, desperate.
"Doctor Kido…" Masami muttered, standing up. "He might be home… he'll know what to do!"
"Bring him here, now!" Yoshie ordered, fighting the tears, not knowing what else she could do. Masami ran from the bedroom.
"There's something on his neck!" Motimon pointed out.
"They look like… finger marks?" Yoshie said, touching the red depressions on the boy's skin. "What's the meaning of this?"
Koushiro's body trembled as the boy tried to inhale with no success. Motimon pleaded for the boy to wake up.
He's going to die… my son… Yoshie felt herself sinking into a state of pure fear. I can't lose him too! I can't… please, anything but this! If I lose him, I don't know what I… I can't! Please, don't take him away from me!
Suddenly, Koushiro began to breathe normally, to Yoshie's and Motimon's relief. Soon after that, Masami returned, bringing the three Kido brothers with him.
Shin immediately approached the child. Shuu and Jyou, with Gomamon in his arms, took three steps into the room and stopped. Masami went to his wife's side.
"Bradycardia." Shin murmured, paling, after checking the boy's pulse. "His breathing is slow and shallow and his skin is cold. He's showing symptoms of hypothermia."
"He was suffocating just now!" Motimon informed.
"These marks on his neck…" Shin commented, frowning. "They're characteristic of someone who has been strangled."
"Oh my God…" Shuu stepped backwards, disturbed.
"Nobody strangled him!" Masami stated. "I was here when it happened! Koushiro was having difficulty to breathe without anyone touching him!"
"I'm about to graduate from medical school! I know these marks!" Shin affirmed, looking from the woman to her husband with suspicion. "Someone did this to him!"
"Nobody here did anything to him!" Motimon said. "I was here the entire time!"
"What are you trying to say? That he was strangled by a spirit?" Shin asked, sarcastically.
"It could have been that…" Jyou murmured. "Something like that happened before! An invisible force pushed me against a bookshelf and pushed Koushiro-kun into an abyss!"
"An abyss?!" Masami thought he had misheard it.
"But that was…" Motimon's face was being overtaken by fear. "It can't be! That thing can't… it's not possible!"
"Hey, don't panic!" Gomamon said. "It could've been anything! Let's not jump to the conclusion that it was the Spirit of the World!"
"Spirit of the World…?" Masami asked. "When Koushiro was hallucinating, he said that name! He referred to the other person like that!"
Jyou, Gomamon and Motimon exchanged horrified looks.
"Not that thing again!" Jyou shrieked. "Not this again! It's not fair!"
"What is happening here?" Yoshie asked. "Why do you seem so perturbed? What's this Spirit of the World?"
"He didn't want it to be part of your lives… he didn't w-want to think about it anymore…" Motimon sobbed. "But Koushiro-han couldn't just have that, could he? He couldn't just have some peace after everything he suffered, could he?!"
"Motimon, calm down!" Gomamon pleaded.
"NO!" Motimon cried, punching the mattress. "It happened again! Koushiro-han is now being tormented by that thing again! And I didn't protect him! I didn't…"
"Motimon, I know how you're feeling but-" Gomamon started.
"You have no idea how I'm feeling!" Motimon shouted. "You were always able to protect your partner! YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M FEELING!"
Gomamon didn't say anything else. He looked down, feeling his eyes getting warm. Jyou looked at Koushiro's parents, bearing confused and scared expressions. He approached them, still holding his partner.
"The Spirit of the World was a kind of deity of the Digital World." Jyou told the adults. "It hurt Koushiro-kun in the past… it psychologically tormented him and almost got him killed..."
"By shoving him into an abyss?" Masami asked in a murmur.
"And also by impersonating his dead parents and telling him to die." Gomamon added.
Koushiro's parents gasped and paled intensively.
"You can't just say something like that out of the blue, Gomamon!" Jyou scolded his partner.
"Shunsui and…" Yoshie stepped away from the bed, trembling. "Told him to…?"
Koushiro didn't want to talk about them. He didn't want to look at their picture. She had assumed he was being insensitive but the truth was that he was traumatized. The people she saw as loving parents were not that to Koushiro. She had forced him to remember a horrific experience.
Yoshie began to hyperventilate and couldn't bear to stay in the bedroom anymore. She walked away in large steps, almost running. She got to the living room and saw the violin on the couch. The woman fell to her knees in front of it.
"Yoshie!" Masami called her. He followed his wife and found her crying at the feet of the couch. "You couldn't have known!"
"He didn't tell me any of that." She mumbled. "Koushiro never tells me when I hurt him. I can't stand it! Why does he have to be like that?"
"Koushiro has never been much of a complainer, has he?" Masami muttered. "That hadn't caught my attention before… I thought he was just a happy kid..." A few tears accumulated in his eyes. "I think I'm not a very perceptive person… or maybe I just didn't want to face things. I'm so sorry, Yoshie… I'm so sorry…"
He glanced at the couch and was surprised to see the violin there.
"Were you playing it?" He asked, not able to hide his surprise.
"I've been so stupid." She said. "I've clung to the past for so long… now I don't know if I'll have the chance to play it to him…"
"He heard you playing." Masami said.
"What?" Yoshie was astonished.
"Before fainting, Koushiro had asked why the violin had stopped. I think he thought that something had happened to you and was worried."
"He couldn't have listened to it outside the building, not in this weather!" Yoshie interjected. "It's impossible!"
"I'm just telling you what I heard him say." Masami explained. "Your music reached him."
Yoshie picked the instrument and looked at it with attention. If her son could listen to the music by some miracle, could she still communicate with him? Could she still reach him? Was there any hope?
Hope was everything she could afford to have in that moment.
He won't escape… he can't escape. Where is he? Where did he go? He can't escape from me! No! No! Show up! Where are you?! You can't just walk away! Face me! Face me! You have done this to me! You did this! You have to pay!
I can't see well… my sight…
The Spirit of the World stopped wandering around in the snow and took his left hand to his eyes. After rubbing them, he looked at the water drops on his fingertips.
Why am I doing this…? I don't have a body, I can't…. my throat can't get sore for shouting… I don't need to breathe, why am I doing so? And so erratically…?
None of that was real. All was just emulations of a human body that had long perished. Emulations that should have ended already.
Why am I stuck in this form? Why can't I…? In my mind… but that's everything I am! These sensations aren't real! None of this is real! It's just malfunction! Residuals of his… but I'm not…! I'm not… I can't even feel real pain!
Fate opened his eyes, not knowing when he had closed them. He looked down and saw those trembling bloody arms slightly stretched forward.
Blood… so much blood… my… blood…
He could almost see himself once again chained to that metallic chair, with stringed needles stuck on his arms, and the ceiling covered in strings and cables connected to the chair. He could almost hear Wisemon's voice from an audio device behind the chair.
"No…" Fate mumbled, walking backwards. That wasn't me! That didn't happen to me! It was to Izumi Koushiro! It's his pain! I can't feel anything! None of this is real… it's just illusions! Glitches! Not mine! None of this is mine! It's all his! His corruption! His imperfection! All because of him! Because of him!
Out of nowhere, he felt Izumi Koushiro's presence again, behind him. Just as suddenly as it had vanished before. He turned around slowly and faced the other. Koushiro was standing on the snow, a few meters away. The boy's body trembled weakly but he did not take his eyes from the Spirit of the World.
"About time you came back." Fate spoke darkly, walking in his direction. Koushiro bit his lower lip and took a small step back. However, the child did not run away. He looked into Fate's eyes with a serious expression that conveyed determination in spite o fear. The Spirit noticed how swollen the area under his eyes was, indicating that Koushiro had been crying.
"How did you pull that trick off?" Fate inquired. He had stopped a couple of feet away from the boy. "I didn't know you could hide from me in my world. It was a smart move to return, though. If I had to look for you for much longer, your demise would have to be way crueler than necessary."
"You're crying." Koushiro made an observation, looking at the other's face.
"That's a glitch!" Fate said back, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes with his right hand. "I have errors in my programming because of Izumi Koushiro. Involuntary emulations of his emotions; such inconvenience!"
"Are you like Otae-san?" Koushiro asked, unperturbed.
"What?" Fate wasn't expecting that question.
"She was a kind of AI based on a real person, wasn't she? Just like you." Koushiro explained.
"The original chosen children were killed for the sake of creating defective clones that thought like them…" The Spirit said. "If you think about it that way, there are similarities. But I'm considerably more complex than those sad existences."
"The Otae-san I knew never met Shinsuke-san. Nevertheless, she suffered because of his death for thousands of years." Koushiro told the other. "Her pain was so great that she lost grip of reality. And she dived into illusions trying to escape from that misery."
"That idiot believed she was an actual person; that was her mistake." Fate snarled. "She confused emulations with genuine emotions and entered in a glitch loop."
"Her pain was real!" Koushiro stated. "Her love, her grief, her regret… she felt everything with intensity and suffered because of it! Her emotions were real. I doubt she was different from the previous Otae-san!"
"Of course she was different!" Fate contested. "The thing you met was never human! None of those silly clones were! It's utterly pathetic, don't you think?" He grinned. "All the ridiculous problems they thought they had, all the stupid mistakes they made… everything was built upon a fake reality they believed in."
"What do you think makes someone human?" Koushiro inquired. "Does it really matter to you if the person has lived the things that brought them pain? Isn't experiencing that pain through memories enough?"
"Where are you going with these questions?" Fate asked, annoyed. "If your point is to call me a murderer for not saving your dumb predecessor, it'd be more meaningful if you brought up the actual children that I let die instead. But you don't give a damn about people you didn't get to know, do you?" He smirked. "You killed hundreds of digimon not long ago, yet you don't seem even slightly affected by it."
Koushiro gulped, blinking twice. He closed his trembling fists and glanced at the snow for a few seconds. Then, he looked up at Fate again. The child's eyes were filled with sadness and resignation.
"I don't regret what I did." Koushiro said.
"You are so despicable, Izumi Koushiro." Fate commented, with satisfaction. "You're truly rotten to the core."
"You like to think of me as a bad person, don't you?" Koushiro asked. "It's easier for you."
"Nothing has ever been easy for me." Fate retorted. "You're the one in fault for that."
"You treat me as an outside force and blame me for everything that went wrong with you." The child seemed to be thinking aloud. "You cope through disassociation… you set myself to be the enemy you must destroy."
"That's what you are!" Fate affirmed, raising his voice. "All of you, Izumi Koushiro, are responsible for whatever bad deeds I've committed! I was created to watch over the Digital Worlds and I try to guard them the best I can but you…" Fate took one step forward, leaning in the other's direction. He could see cold sweat covering Koushiro's face. "If my methods are not efficient, if my thoughts get confused, if I happen to make mistakes and someone gets hurt because of it… that's because of what you did to me! It's because of the remnants of your weak heart that still cling to me!"
Unexpectedly, Koushiro smirked.
What is he doing? The Spirit of the World wondered. What did he find funny? I just pointed out that he's responsible for everything I've done! Everything I've done that wasn't right was due to his influence! Why doesn't that make him feel guilty? It has always… what is different this time?
"You are so sad." Koushiro was seemingly muffling a laugh. "For all that time I thought you were some all powerful and all knowing demon… I was so wrong!" He chuckled, closing his tear brimmed eyes for a couple of seconds. When the boy reopened them, he looked at Fate with pity. "You are so pathetic!"
"What did you just say?" Fate could feel his insides boiling. His urge to destroy that human was stronger than ever.
"You are pathetic!" Koushiro reiterated. "All you ever do is lying to yourself! You convinced everybody that you're a god but you're just the same scared child you've-"
The Spirit of the World slapped Koushiro, making the child fall on the snow with violence. The boy crawled backwards and only stood up again once he was out of Fate's immediate reach.
"You ungrateful brat." The Spirit had a deep and cold tone. He glared at Koushiro with wide open eyes. "You speak to me with that unfounded arrogance despite all my effort in being merciful to you. To think that I was willing to let you reunite with your real family… that I let you talk to your parents and know that they loved you… why did I ever waste my kindness on you?"
Koushiro's eyes widened and the boy paled.
"You thought you were being kind to me…?" The child asked, in disbelief. "You seriously…? That can't be true! Nobody could actually think…"
"What's so strange about it?" Fate inquired. "You used to be Yukimura Koushiro. While you were that, everything was fine…" A couple of tears shone in the Spirit's eyes. "You weren't supposed to be separated from your parents!" The tears rolled down his cheeks. "Why wouldn't you want to be with them again?"
So this is it. Koushiro finally understood. It wasn't simply for hatred, despite that been a part of it. It wasn't for a grand plan or a greater good, despite the other's excuses. What motivated Fate to hurt him was quite different from everything Koushiro had ever imagined and so much sadder.
"My parents are Izumi Yoshie and Izumi Masami." Koushiro informed.
"You will never be their son!" Fate stated. "You don't belong with them and you know that! You'll never stop being the Winter child! Forcing yourself into their family will only bring misery to everyone! Why do it, then?! It's wrong!" His body started to tremble. "You're not entitled to call them your parents! You should never… if only you had never…"
The child observed the desperation in the other's eyes and couldn't help but to feel sympathy.
"You…" Koushiro muttered, heading to where Fate was standing. "You feel a lot of guilt, don't you?"
"What madness is that? I'm not capable of feeling anything!" Fate contested. "All I have are emulations of your residual emotions! Glitches that shall end!"
"Stop lying already!" Koushiro ordered, stopping one step away from the other. "It's just the two of us here! Can't we just be honest with ourselves, for a change?"
"You're not making any sense! Have you already lost your sanity, Izumi Koushiro?" Fate had a mocking tone. "Have you hit your breaking point? So weak… you're always so weak…"
"You felt guilty for surviving your biological parents, didn't you?" Koushiro asked, noticing how Fate paled after hearing that. "Then, you felt guilty for being adopted and tried to distance yourself from the Izumis. And the guilt worsened whenever they wanted to make you feel welcomed. You didn't believe you deserved to be treated so nicely and shut yourself off! You thought they would just give up on you but they didn't… you knew you were hurting them but couldn't bring yourself to change your behavior! At some point, you became a chosen child and years later your parents were killed by digimon. Your guilt was so big that you couldn't live with it anymore!"
"I never met those people! They meant nothing to me!" Fate retorted, taking a step back. "I don't have the capability or the motivation to feel guilty!"
"Liar!" Koushiro accused. "You remember everything from the time when you were alive, don't you? Just like Otae-san suffered because of her brother, you still suffer because of your parents!"
"They were not my parents! I'm a computer program!" Fate stated.
"They died and you regretted your behavior towards them! And maybe you also believed that they wouldn't have died if you weren't a chosen child. You were overridden with guilt! You had to do something about it otherwise you'd lose your mind!" Koushiro theorized. "Then, when Wisemon asked your help to create a security system for the Digital World, you jumped on the suggestion! You thought that 'Homeostasis' would prevent new tragedies like the one that killed your parents and that would repair-!"
"IZUMI KOUSHIRO COULD NEVER REPAIR WHAT HE DID!" Fate roared. "IZUMI KOUSHIRO WAS AN UNFORGIVEABLE PIECE OF TRASH THAT DESERVED TO DISAPPEAR FROM THE WORLD!"
"But he can never disappear!" Koushiro contested. "It doesn't matter how much time passes or how many times you kill me, the person you hate the most can never disappear! You can never end him, so you try to pretend that he exists outside of you."
"Everything ends. Nothing is eternal." Fate affirmed. "Izumi Koushiro shall end too!"
"Like the mountain the little bird chiseled away?" Koushiro asked. "Hikari-san said that the answer to the third question made you sad. If endings make you sad, why do you seek them?"
"I DON'T FEEL SADNESS!" The Spirit denied. "I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING!"
"Your feelings won't disappear because you want them to." Koushiro told him. "Pretending that you're fine and burying your emotions with the hope that one day they'll magically stop affecting you will just make you suffer more!"
"Stop talking to me as if I were human!" Fate ordered "I was never human! The one that had emotions and suffered was Izumi Koushiro! I can't feel anything!"
"You need to accept who you are!" The child urged.
"I AM THE SPIRIT OF THE WORLD!" Fate stated.
"NO!" The child shouted. "You are Izumi Koushiro!"
Fate didn't reply. He stared at the other in shock.
"You're self-destructive and have serious self-loathing issues, I get it." Koushiro said. "It's hard to deal with it and you don't know what to do with your pain, so you torment other versions of us. You externalize your issues and try to disassociate yourself from them but it doesn't work. You can't continue like that."
"I am not Izumi Koushiro… I am not Izumi Koushiro…" Fate repeated to himself in low voice, with a blank expression. "I am not…"
"I could help you." The child told the other. "We are the same person. I must be the only one truly capable of understanding you. How about you give me a chance? I might actually be able to help you!"
The Spirit looked at the boy reaching out to him, offering a hand. That was not what Izumi Koushiro was supposed to do. Why would he try to help him now, when that never occurred before? It had to be a trick.
"You're going to die by my hands." Fate promised. "Like all the other times, you'll die in agony, scared… and full of hatred."
"Is that what happened to you?" Koushiro asked. "Is that how you died?"
What happened to him…?
That question echoed in Fate's mind, bringing up memories that he wished had disappeared. The remembrance came so violently and sudden that he couldn't disassociate himself from it. He couldn't think properly.
He was getting ready to see the Christmas lights with Hikari when Wisemon arrived and told the boy that he needed help to finish Homeostasis.
"Kou! You promised to go out with Hikari-chan! She won't forgive you if you get late!" Makoto had reprimanded him.
"Don't worry." Koushiro had said, showing a reassuring smile. "I'll be right back!"
When he arrived in the laboratory, Wisemon gave him a cup of tea. It was too bitter and Koushiro only drank half of it. Then, he felt sleepy.
He woke up chained to the chair, with needles stuck in his arms, feeling pain in his entire body.
"You already woke up?" Wisemon's voice had come from an audio device somewhere behind the chair. "To think I went through all the trouble to prevent you from feeling pain. Well, I can't stop the process now."
"Process?!" Koushiro had inquired, afraid. "What are you talking about?"
"I thought I had told you that I needed your help to solve the AI problem." Wisemon had explained, calmly. "I'm going to completely scan your neural system and upload the data to Homeostasis. Your brilliant mind will be a perfect basis for my greatest creation."
"Scan? Am I going to be okay?" Koushiro had tried to hold to any hope he had.
"Sadly, you won't resist the process." Wisemon had informed. "But be proud! Your sacrifice is necessary for Homeostasis to be complete. Thanks to you, many Digital Worlds will be safe."
"No…" Koushiro had murmured. That couldn't be serious. Wisemon couldn't really be intending to kill him, could he? All hope the boy had up to that moment was lost when he felt something heavy and cold being attached to his head.
"Don't d-do this to me! P-please, don't kill me!" Koushiro had begun to cry. "I don't want to die! Please, don't kill me! DON'T KILL ME!"
Hundreds of little needles forced their way against his skull. They entered his brain. It was the most intense pain he had ever felt. He screamed his lungs out and contorted in the chair for what felt like an eternity. He no longer had coherent thoughts. All that existed was excruciating pain and fear.
Next thing he knew, he couldn't see anything. Nor could he feel his body. But Wisemon's voice came to him.
"It seems that you got a lot of corruption from Koushiro's agony. Maybe I should've sedated him again before continuing. It's going to be messy to fix this."
He had been killed… he had been killed and turned into something else.
"I'll fix these glitches in no time."
Wisemon had tricked him and killed him.
"This damn glitch! Why can't I get rid of it? To which extent is Homeostasis damaged?"
Koushiro remembered. He remembered it all, every detail. He was a boy so terrified and angry… so human. And then, he died. His life was taken from him. His humanity was supplanted by computer programming. Everything he was, everything he loved, was lost forever. And the rests of his soul slowly eroded.
"There is something eternal!"
Makoto's voice echoed in his mind. When did he tell him that? Was that the real Makoto or one of his simulations? Did that happen at all or was it a dream?
"Even if you get lost… even if you drown in desperation… there's something nobody can take from you! Not Wisemon, not a bird… there's something that can't be destroyed!"
To lose himself scared him. But being able to remember terrified him a lot more. As long as there was a part of him that resisted, the memory of that pain would devour him. It was so much easier to believe that none of that was real. It was simpler to embrace the void instead of barricading against it; it was better to long for erasure than to fear it. At least he wouldn't suffer anymore.
He wouldn't feel anything. He would be the artificial intelligence he had wished to create and protect all worlds. No more guilt, no more doubts, no more solitude. To just disappear… to just destroy himself… if he cut everything that reminded him of what he had lost, he'd be in peace.
To motivate him to do that, it wasn't enough to label those past experiences as not really his. He had to believe they belonged to someone loathsome. Someone who didn't deserve to live and whose death wasn't tragic but just… that made things less complicated. That would have to work. It would fix everything.
It was easy to hate himself.
But his determination to let go of the past and getting rid of that pain didn't bring him the desired bliss, only more despair.
What should he do, then? What was there left to do?
Freezing wind descended on him and the other child.
"Are you alright?" The boy asked, looking at him with what seemed to be concern.
"I'm not Homeostasis…" He said, feeling as if every word that left his lips had enough power to tear apart universes. "I'm not Fate… I'm not the Spirit of the World…"
"That's right." That boy smiled at him. "I'm glad you came to understand that."
"These feelings… are dreadful!" He cried. "It hurts so much… I can't stand it… I don't want to feel like this!"
"I know it hurts." Koushiro told him. "But we have to go through this. We have to feel this pain, otherwise we'll learn nothing."
"Learn…?" He asked. "What could I learn from this awfulness?"
"For starters, let's try to be more forgiving of ourselves." Koushiro proposed. "Let's try to be kind and to treat ourselves better, Koushiro."
The absurdity of that suggestion was enough to destabilize his world. Preposterous! Unfeasible! To be kind to Izumi Koushiro… that never happened! To forgive him?! That was impossible! That had to be against every law established in every universe!
But that could be the only thing that could help him. It could change things.
He would no longer be himself if he tried to do that! What would he become instead? For how long would that last? It wouldn't work… it couldn't work…
It could be the only way.
He knew what would bring him peace! He knew who could fix him!
But if he was wrong about Izumi Koushiro…
No! That couldn't be it! It couldn't be true!
He was wrong! He was lying to himself!
NO!
Wasn't clinging to hope better than sticking to self-destructiveness? If there was a chance of salvation in there… if Izumi Koushiro could…
"IZUMI KOUSHIRO CAN'T SAVE ME!" He screamed as his form broke down into billions of snowflakes.
The wind increased suddenly, burying Koushiro under heavy snow.
"So Koushiro-kun is adopted." Shuu commented, leaning against the bedroom's wall. "I never suspected."
"There's still prejudice against adoption in Japan. It's not strange that they kept it a secret." Shin said, checking the redhead's pulse.
"You thought that his parents had hurt him, didn't you? How could you think such a horrible thing?" Jyou asked, sitting on the chair close to the desk, over which Gomamon looked at Motimon, concerned.
"Parents abusing their kids are more common than you think." Shin told the boy. "If you're going to be a doctor, you need to be prepared for that reality."
"Koushiro-han's parents love him." Motimon affirmed, watching his partner sleep by his side. A red mark had appeared on one of Koushiro's cheeks not long ago, without anyone doing anything. "They wouldn't knowingly cause him harm."
"He's going to be okay, Motimon." Gomamon tried to cheer his friend up. "We saved him last time, remember? Now it's not so bad! He's just sleeping. Koushiro is going to wake up soon."
"How can he be saved when we can't reach him?" Motimon asked in low voice. "We can't enter his dreams and bring him back!"
Maybe Wizarmon could… Jyou thought, looking at the closed window. The sound of the wind had gotten more terrifying.
"His temperature is dropping!" Shin spoke, suddenly.
"I can get more blankets!" Shuu said, heading to the wardrobe. He took out three sheets and he, along with Shin and Motimon, covered Koushiro the best they could. But the child's temperature was still dropping.
"It's pointless…" Shin whispered, disheartened. "It's not caused by the environment… there's nothing we can do!"
"No way…" Shuu murmured, feeling his heart getting heavy.
Motimon cried silently, looking at how increasingly paler his partner was getting. Gomamon jumped to the bed and put one of his hands on his friend's back.
"T-There must be a way…" Not even the seal digimon believed himself. "There has to be…"
Jyou jumped from the chair. Shin put himself in his front after the younger brother had taken only a few steps forward.
"Where are you going?" Shin asked, seriously.
"Wizarmon can enter other people's minds. He could help Koushiro-kun!" Jyou said. "I resisted his telepathy last time! I should be okay."
"You're not going out!" Shin prohibited, holding Jyou by the right wrist.
"Jyou, what are you doing?" Gomamon questioned, turning to his partner.
"Jyou, you're… you're joking, right?" Shuu asked, nervously.
"Let go of me, Shin-niisan!" Jyou ordered, glaring at his brother. "Finding Wizarmon might be the only chance to help Koushiro-kun!"
"That digimon attacked you, Jyou!" Shuu shouted.
"Jyou, you're not seriously thinking on going out in this snowstorm, are you?" Gomamon asked, fearful. "You don't even know where that guy is! If you go, you'll wander in the cold until you pass out!"
"You're going to get yourself killed out there!" Shin told him.
"I have to do it!" Jyou protested. "Even if the chance is small, I need to do it!"
Shin held his brother's other wrist as well. Shuu went to Jyou and embraced him by the back, immobilizing his arms.
"I'm sorry, little brother. It's for your own good." Shuu apologized.
"What are you two doing?! Let me go!" Jyou yelled, trying to break free. He looked at his partner on the bed by his side. "Gomamon, help me! You need to help me, otherwise Koushiro-kun will die!"
Gomamon balanced his head, letting a single tear roll from his right eye.
"I'm sorry, Jyou." The digimon said. "I can't do this… not this time. Don't ask me to do this."
"Gomamon…?" Jyou murmured.
Purple light came from a drawer in the desk, startling everybody. Shuu let go of Jyou and went to open it. He took the digivice out.
"Why is it shining?" Jyou asked. "What does that mean?"
"Bring it here!" Motimon ordered. Shuu gave the object to the little monster, who pulled the blankets and put the digivice on Koushiro's chest.
"What are you trying to do?" Gomamon asked.
"Koushiro-han's heart is still fighting." Motimon spoke with hope. "It's not over yet!"
"Really?" Jyou smiled.
"I don't understand…" Shin muttered, unconsciously letting go of Jyou.
"I don't think we can make sense of this." Shuu said.
Masami and Yoshie entered the bedroom and went to the right side of their son's bed. The woman was holding her violin. They looked at the shining digivice, not knowing what it meant. Nevertheless, a small smile appeared on the mother's lips.
He's still alive.
She looked at her son's pale face, lovingly.
"I wish I had done this sooner." Yoshie said. "Please, accept it, son."
She placed the violin on her shoulder and touched the strings with the bow.
Cold… so cold…
Koushiro was trying to make his way out of the snow above him. When he managed to come to the surface, his entire body was freezing and he couldn't do anything other than to crawl. Soon, he wasn't able to move anymore. The howling wind carried more snow. The boy understood how futile his attempt to escape was.
Did it make no difference…? I couldn't help him… and now I'm going to die here, alone… am I never going to see them again…?
He thought about his parents and all the time they spent together, about his partner and how concerned the digimon had always been for him, about Jyou, Sora, Mimi, Takeru… about Taichi and Otae… and then thought about a dream he had after falling into the abyss. Those two voices telling him to go back. Those voices he knew from a memory from the factory.
The people who looked like him and looked at him like his parents did.
The ghosts that had tried to take him away were illusions built upon guilt and regret. But Koushiro still felt haunted by them. He still feared what they represented. He feared that they would take him away from his family.
If I had explained… if I had let her know how I felt… she would've understood, right? We could've talked things through and I as well would have understood her… but I was afraid. I was so afraid… now I'll never have that chance again. I'll die here without knowing… without anyone knowing…
Those thoughts shook his core. He couldn't accept that conclusion.
I don't want things to end like this! I don't want to let all of that unsaid! I want another chance! It can't be over yet! I can't die yet! Not without telling anyone… not without knowing… I want to know!
A warm feeling erupted from his heart and spread through his body. Koushiro, who was facing the snowy ground, noticed a purple glow coming from his arms stretched in front of him.
I want to know! He continued. I know so little about you… I kept myself distant for so long… let's talk! Let's get to know one another better, please… I want to know you and I want you to know me! Mom! Dad!
The song of a violin came from the world under the clouds. The wind ceased and the snowflakes stopped moving in midair. From the snow below, flowers of white light blossomed, surrounding the boy.
He felt strong enough to stand up and did so. Koushiro was marveled at the image of the flowers growing from the snow, covering the ground until where he could see. The sweet song filled his ears. He didn't understand why but the melody brought him immense peace.
Is this a trap…? Was that first song a trap to begin with…? Koushiro wondered. Or is it my mother playing? This song… it feels like it's calling me… is she calling me? Is she playing to me? His eyes became wetter. Could she really be playing to me? Why would she…? I want to know… I want to ask her…
The last thing Koushiro remembered was sinking into that warm sensation and then falling through layers of clouds. Thousands of flowers floated around him, resonating with Yoshie's song.
Koushiro woke up and found his family around him. Masami let out an exclamation of joy and shook Yoshie's shoulder. The woman opened her eyes, stopped playing the violin and looked at the child. She smiled and cried at the same time. Motimon jumped on him, hugging his neck. The boy tried to sit up and noticed the glowing digivice on his chest, picking it up.
Shin approached him to check his pulse and his temperature. Shuu picked Gomamon from the bed (who was reminding everybody that he was right and they should've listened to him) and called Shin to give the family some privacy. The phone on the desk rang and Jyou picked it up. From the way he talked, Koushiro deduced it was Mimi on the other side of the line and that she was crying. He wanted to say something but Jyou had already left the bedroom with the phone, trying to calm the girl down.
Koushiro was left alone with his parents and Motimon.
"Did Fate hurt you?" The digimon asked.
"I was the one hurting myself." The child told him. "I'm going to explain everything but first I…" Koushiro turned to his parents, who were standing at his right. "There are so many things I want to talk about…"
"I'm sorry for the misunderstandings." Yoshie apologized. "I never wanted to hurt you, if I knew…" A couple of tears escaped her eyes.
"I'm going to let you know." Koushiro promised. "Please, let me know as well. I don't want to hurt you either."
"Of course." Yoshie agreed, smiling at him.
"I'd like it if we cleared everything up." Masami said. "There are conversations that we've avoided for too long."
"But we don't have to touch on any subject that is too painful." Yoshie assured.
"No, it's okay." Koushiro told them. "I need to talk about those painful things and sort my feelings out… it'd help me."
"It's okay to feel bad." Motimon said, now hugging his partner's left arm. "You can count with our support."
"Thank you." Koushiro murmured. He looked at his mother, who had the violin in one hand and the bow in the other.
"That song…?" The boy spoke before finishing formulating the question.
"Mozart's Concerto nº 5 in A Major." Yoshie replied. "It's a song that I play to the people I love." She sat on the bed, by his side, placing the instrument on her lap. She caressed her son's face gently and beamed at him. "I play it to my family."
Many tears formed in Koushiro's eyes. He didn't try to stop them from falling.
"C-Could you play it to me one more time?" The child asked, timidly. "I'd like it… I'd like to listen to you again."
Yoshie did not reply with words. Instead, she let the music speak. It had always been the most appropriate language to translate the matters of her heart.